I am an advice hound. I love to give advice, get advice, read advice columns. I love telling people what to do ; D
Truly, I have a love for people and an honest desire to see every individual excel and succeed in their personal lives, to shed themselves of as many burdens as possible and enjoy this strange and terrible and wonderful gift that is LIFE
Location: Los Angeles
Occupation: advice guru and life coach
Member Since: June 9, 2009
Answers: 900
Last Update: February 5, 2012
Visitors: 32941
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Well im i the 7th grade and im 13. i'm about 20 punds and i really would like to lose it. any sugestions? i really can't help what i eat ecause i just grabs whats in the house for breakfest, we don't have healthy lunches at school. and for dinner its usualy pizza or spagheti. (link)
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Its not what you eat, its how much you eat. If you can't control what you eat, you CAN control how much you eat. So start by putting less on your plate. If you're still hungry, you can go back and get more, but sometimes putting too much on our plates makes us think we need to eat it all. Also, tell your parents you want to try to eat healthier and ask if they can buy a few more healthy things for the house when they shop next. And drink lots of water. These are all little changes that can make a big difference ( I lost 75lbs like this, basically), but the most important thing for you to remember is that you are young. At 13 your body is still changing and growing. You may be a bit overweight right now, and in another year you could be 20lbs thinner, without doing anything! So try not to be to hard on yourself. Eat as healthy as possible and control your portions. And also, make sure you are buying clothes that fit you properly. Jeans that are too tight make your tummy spill out (muffintop) and push things around, making you look lumpier than you really are. Just make good decisions. You'll be fine.
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Okay, So me and Gio? of course i havent been listening to anyones advice.
Hes 19 I'm 14. I was ignoring him at the party, he went to his ex. I found out nothing happened that night with them and I was relieved.
We didnt talk for like a week or two.
Outta no where last night my phone rang and it was Gio. He wanted to see me. So i went to kick it with him. We drank a little with some people at his friends house.
Then all his friends left except one but he was passed out. So me and Gio just sat there talking for hours.
And heres EXACTLY what he told me.
"Okay, i really like you a lott, The first time we ever kicked it, it was just like a little crush, then we stopped talking and i said whatevers, Now that we've been kicking it a lot lately, i like you hellla, and i do wanna be with you, i want you to be my hyna, but fuck, your 14. I know i could get in trouble for that shit. I dont wanna risk getting in trouble. If it was legal, I'd let the whole fucking world know that you're my hyna. But your 14. Whatever we got going on, well i dont want it to end because pues i really like you."
Then i said,
"So you can fuck me but you can't DATE me?"
He said,
"Neta, when i got a girl i let the world know, and i dont keep that shit on lock, and what we do nobody has to know. your just damnnn, too young."
i just stayed quiet, and he kept looking at me asking if i was okay, and i just said yeah.
But my question is, Should i just let him go because i know we're not getting anywhere because I'm 14?
Or should i just stick around and see if maybe we do stand a chance. How is he REALLY gonna get in trouble if its okay with my parents?
I just have no idea what to do!
Help? (link)
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I couldn't do better than to echo Raz's advice. Its good adice. Listen.
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17/f
I'm happy with him. I am. But there are times where I just cry. He confuses me. Before he was so sure about his feelings for me, now I'm confused on what he's thinking. He says, he "hopes" he can stay with me. And he's "trying" to keep his feelings for me. Before he was trying to break up with me because apparently I was "getting in the way of his dreams". He did not exactly say those words, but he did also say he wanted more "freedom". At the end he was having a hard time letting me go, so he decided to stay with me and try to cope with everything. His dream was to be a surgeon. So, I tried supporting him. We studied together, we increased our study time, we didn't see each other as much. Now, he decided he's not sure what he wants to do. He wants to take time and "discover" himself. He dropped his classes, since I'm doing college and high school classes, I'm taking 27 credit hours including high school. School is the only place I mainly get to see him. He wants to work 2 different jobs. One at T-Mobile, another one is at the orthodontist office. He says that he hates it when he makes me cry, he feels like dying. Whenever I cry, he feels as if I deserve better. I wanted him to clarify to me how he felt, if he still believes in us, and what is he thinking now. He says he still loves me, he still believes in us, he just hates making me cry. He called himself selfish and unbalanced, and that's what makes him worry about hurting me
I just wonder why doesn't he just think about his actions or whatsover? Or maybe I'm just being selfish. I don't know exactly, first he wanted me to cope with him studying and everything, I did it. My friends don't understand what he means by "getting his dream", because I was there to support him. I don't know what to do. I'm tired of feeling sad, I'm tired of hearing him say, "I hope we will" or this and that. He still confuses me, he makes it seem like he's losing feelings for me and that he doesn't believe in us anymore, it makes me lose hope. But he says he isn't... I don't know what to do. Help? Advice? (link)
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This is called "passive-agressive" behavior. He's trying to tell you he doesn't see a future with you without really telling you. He sounds like a good guy. Good guys don't want to hurt people, especially people they care about. He obviously cares about you, but he is starting to grow and change and he's realizing that and he doesn't want to hurt you as he tries to find his place in this world and learn about himself. Its tough, I know. Its not you. It has nothing to do with you. If anything, he hasn't left yet because you ARE special to him. But that still doesn't change the fact that HE is changing, and he knows it. He can feel himself growing apart from you, but he doesn't know how to say it without hurting you. That's what I think anyway. Instead of trying to read into what he REALLY means, you need to start listening, ACTUALLY listening , to what he is saying. He wants "freedom", he wants to "discover" himself, he thinks he is going to "hurt" you... You already know what these words mean, he is just hoping you'll figure it out on your own so he doesn't have to deal with the guilt of breaking up with you (which is actually typical for guys around your age range, really it is). I suggest you sit down with him, CALMLY, and ask him point blank if this relationship is worth sticking around for or are you just wasting your time. If he cares for you at all, he'll have the balls to be honest. You may not like what you hear, but at least you'll know where you stand, and wouldn't that be better than living in this limbo you're in now.
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I am 19 years old, and I have been with my boyfriend (21) for the past five years. He has a full time job and I have been working part time while going to college (I am a sophomore).
We both want to move out together in the near future and have been talking a lot about starting a family. When I told him I still hadn't picked up my birth control this month, he told me not to worry about it becase at this juncture in our life he was ready to let whatever is going to happen just happen.
This has kind of thrown me for a loop, because I really want children and I want to have them at a fairly young age. However I also wanted to be settled before starting a family. Unfortunately I plan on getting a Master's degree, which will take at least another three or four years. I definitely don't want to wait that long, but I am worried about how my family and friends would take me getting pregnant now.
I guess my question is if it's irresponsible to have a child now, even though my boyfriend and I both work, go to college, and want to start a family? We still obviously want to finish up our plans, but want to add a baby to the mix.
Thoughts? (link)
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Its irresponsible to bring a baby into a relationship where neither partner has made a lifetime commitment to the other. You are so very young. Having 2 children of my own, I know intimately the drama and difficulties of raising a child. EVERYTHING else gets put on hold for a while and it is all about the child. I'm curious as to why the two of you would talk about having a child before getting married. That makes no sense to me. You're willing to give up an education (because trust me, getting a Masters while working to support a baby will be very, very, very hard) and your youthful freedom to make a lifetime commitment to a child, but you're not willing to make a lifetime commitment to your child's father? You'll bring your child into a situation that is not stable, relationship wise or financially or even educationally. It sounds selfish to me. It is selfish. I have no issue with you having a baby at this age. Its different for everyone. But to just throw caution to the wind and hope for an "oops" moment, when you don't even have a home together, let alone an engagement ring? Well, I can't show a crystal ball and no one can stop you from doing what you want, but if you could skip ahead 10 years and talk to your future self, I'd bet she would tell you to not be so impatient. She would tell you that at 19 you still don't really understand how drastically your life is going to change in the next 5 years, how drastically your feelings, principles and ideas for your future would change. She would tell you that being a mother is a wonderful privilege, and a baby is a miracle, and that she wished she had waited to be a mother until she had the time and money to devote to parenthood. She would tell you that you and your boyfriend have your whole lives to get prepared for a family and that, no matter how prepared you think you are now, you're not. I wish you could meet her and talk to her. I think you'd be looking at this whole thing a lot differently. If its the love of a child you're looking for, someone who'll never leave you, who HAS to love you, maybe you need to ask yourself why you think you need that, what has led you to this point. If you and your boyfriend decide to get married and set up a stable home to bring your child into, I wish you the best. I still wouldn't encourage it, because you are so young, but at least it would show you are committed to do whatever it takes to give your child the best family life possible, and that its not just about you. But you don't sound at all ready to start a family. Please wait. For your own sake and your child's sake. You'll never regret it. I promise.
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I am A 30 year old female in a newer relationship with a 35 year old male. this guy tells me he will call me back right away that he is on another line with his son. he never calls me back. the next morning I asked him why he didnt return the call he said he fell asleep. dont I deserve a txt message or a phone call with an explanation? (link)
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It depends. How long have you been dating? How serious is it? How does he treat you when you're together?
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20 female.
I have one thing I'm self conscious about and I don't know what to do. Do any of you girls have a longer labia? I do, I mean when I'm standing up you can see it kind of hang down which I hate. I think I'm more self-conscious now because I was hooking up with this guy once and he made a comment like "Ohhh extra long." I was like oh great, embarrassing. I know a guy shouldn't care, but I care. I feel like this is stopping me from sex now. Can you girls please help me with this one? Or even guys, if you've dealt with a girl whose had this.
Thank you so much. (link)
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Nope. They don't care. I've been married 12 years, had two kids. My vagina has definitely changed over the years. Hubby COULDN'T CARE LESS! And we even talked about it once because I also noticed my labia looking a bit... stretched, and I was feeling self concious about it. He was like "Honey, dudes do NOT care! We're just happy when we can even get close to one. We're not picky about what it looks like" I think this is the same kind of thing as when girls worry about their odor "down there"... a lot of girls worry about the smell and they don't like the smell, but it is a GOOD smell to men. It is the smell of a woman, so its actually not a turn off. Same thing with your labia. It is part of YOU, a woman, and any man who gets close enough to see it is just going to be glad he got there, trust me!
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20F. Nick - Just turned 19
This will be long, but I will return the favor I'm just so lost right now.
Me and Nick have been close friends for probably 5 years now. I've always had a crush on him, I know he's always had an attraction to me but he's had a girlfriend for 3 years. Finally they broke up their senior year but that wasn't the end of her. She was Nick's only girlfriend he's ever had, they lost their virginity's to each other, they have something special. She is a bit obsessive and won't let go of him but I get mad at him for not being able to let go of her too. Before he left for South Dakota in September for hockey, we talked. I said Nick, I have a serious question for you. Whats going on with you and Maria (his ex girlfriend, not ex girlfriend, whatever you call her) are you two still together or what? He replied, no we we have been broken up. I was finally happy. Nick doesn't lie to me, he's the only guy I can ever trust. But then about two weeks after Nick was in South Dakota, Maria goes and visits him. I was upset and mad, like okay why is she going there when there broken up? I found out from someone that she kind of invited herself, but I guess he could have said no? Then I find out that she is there this weekend again with HIS family. I know she is obviously close with his family, they were together for 3 years ..but I don't see how this would be necessary if they aren't even together "supposedly"?? Then Nick's host mom, the person he is living with there while he plays hockey wrote on his facebook: Got the picture of you dressed like a girl from your mom. You look sooooo cute! I bet your girl friend was jealous! Haha
When I saw this I was like okay are they back together? It's always so hard to tell if they are or not because even when they aren't, she still goes and sees him. I don't even know what to do. I'm going there in about a month to see him with 2 of my friends, I was really excited to see him but now I just don't even know I have all these mixed emotions because of all of this. I feel like if I ask if they're back together he will be like, I already told you we were broken up. I don't want to sound like a creep and say, I saw on facebook Maria has been there to see you twice already.
What should I do?? I will NEVER lose feelings for him I know that, but I am starting to lose hope of us having anything besides a friendship. I haven't told him flat out that I want to be more, because I don't know if he feels the same. People say he does and sometimes he acts like it, but if he really doesn't I don't want our friendship to be awkward then. How can I get the truth out? I don't think he would lie to me about them being broken up. Also, we talked about having sex (I insisted) when I found out that they weren't together anymore. I've already lost my virginity and I don't have sex with random guys but I trust Nick so much I just have this desire to have sex with him burning inside of me. Please don't comment on that decision, but if I go there and he wants to have sex or do something I would be up to it, only if he wasn't with Maria. How would I even bring it up? So lost ..any advice please. (link)
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Ok, lets back up. I think your desire to have sex with Nick isn't really about the SEX... you have deep feelings for him and you want to express those feelings. So having sex just to quell that desire "burning inside of you" won't be fulfilling. It won't give you what you want. Put that on the back burner for now and deal with the REAL issue, and that is your feelings for Nick. You've got two choices here - 1) just keep your feelings to yourself and let him do.. whatever it is he's doing right now. The down side is that you'll have to squash your feelings and swallow your jeolousy, the up side is that you know you'll still have him as a friend OR 2) come clean about how you feel and see what he thinks. The down side is that he may not be ready for that with you and it will ruin the friendship. The up side is that you can get it off your chest and the ball will be in his court. Whatever you decide to do, keep in mind that Nick is going through a tough time right now. It may seem confusing to you what is happening with Maria right now, but remember that they have a very strong bond created by sex, and that is very hard to break. To me, it sounds like they ARE broken up, but haven't let go yet (that happens a lot with 'first loves'). He's not being a jerk, he's just confused and probably still hurting. So, the decision is yours, but like I said, I wouldn't look at it so much from the sex angle - you wanting to have sex with him is just a byproduct of your true feelings. You could seriously blow it if you just have sex but you haven't revealed your true feelings for him. I wish you luck. I've been where you are and I know how hard it is. I'll leave you with this - you'll never know what could be unless you truly be honest with him and lay it on the line. Its risky, but the pay-off could be big. Good luck!
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Ive been married just over two years. Were both in our forties. my wife makes three times what i do. shes always harassing me about the time i spend with family and relatives and time/things i try and do with my two boys from my first marriage. she says i dont put her first but she always does according to her. i just found out on my own that she changed her life insurance policy over a year ago to where i get 10% and her family and two grown kids get 90%? Im upset about it and confronted her with her answer being i juust want them to be taking care of and thats it. im seriously thinking about filing for sep. or divorce. any advice on what to do? (link)
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There are other issues here apart from your life insurance cut. I'm sensing a huge lack of trust. You guys need to seek out counseling. You are both facing a huge challenge. Second marriages (I'm assuming this is the deal for her too, since she has kids) have TWICE the failure rate of first marriages. You both married into a ready made family, as opposed to creating one together, and of course that can cause stress. Counseling can help you both cut through all the baggage and get to the heart of the matter. Don't give up on your marriage before you've sought help, please. You CAN work this out, but it will take work, just like anything else. It sounds like you guys maybe both had certain expectations when you entered the marriage, but you never really talked about what those expectations were and now its creeping up on you. I understand you're upset and I'm not saying you shouldn't be. What you should be, however, is concerned and willing to explore all of your options for saving this marriage before you walk out the door. After all, you promised. For better or for worse. The worse part can get pretty bad sometimes. Don't rob yourself of a happy life by giving up too soon. You'll never regret trying.
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16/f
My boyfriend (19) and I both have a very close friend(18). He's gay and is, for the both of us, our best friend. My boyfriend and I have decided to not put a label on our relationship and to just simply, take our relationship for what it is, so I wouldn't really say we're tied down to each other; we just chose to be with each other. In the past, both my boyfriend and I have expressed an attraction to our close friend (We're both bi).
Lately, it seems as if our relationship as a group has just become...extremely relaxed. We've all been through a lot and tend not to really care anymore. We all will snuggle and sleep with each other and for the most part, might as all well be dating each other. It's weird, and I'm not quite sure what to think about it.
I love my boyfriend, he loves me. We love our friend, and our friend would be willing to do anything with me, but likes my boyfriend.
The possibility of a threesome has come up in conversation jokingly, however, due to certain events as of recently, the event of a legitimate threesome seems to become even more so plausible...and it's a little scary. (considering we all talked about it somewhat jokingly before)
I'm not sure what to think or even do about this. We all love each other but...the situation just feels a little off.
Please, I'm in some need of advice. I don't want to lose my friends.
Thanks. (link)
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I always say women don't listen to their intuition (gut) enough. Its a special gift we have but we've been taught to ignore it. Your gut is telling you that, no matter how interesting this idea sounds in conversation, something is not right. So listen to your gut. Don't do it. Introducing a 3some into this relationship with your friend could really cause complications down the line. You may end up losing someone you love a lot. I wouldn't think about exploring a 3some with a friend. If you feel you want to, look outside your current circle of friends. Friendships can get a bit messy once you introduce sex into them, no matter what your sexual orientation. Just read all of the letters on this site about sex with friends. Your gut is sending you a warning. Don't ignore it.
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So my dad bought me a really nice electric guitar and an amp for my 16th birthday last year, and I never use it. I prefer my acoustic a lot more, which my dad also bought me a few years ago. My question is, would it be wrong for me to sell my electric and the amp? I really have no need for it...it's just taking up space and I kind of need the money right now. My dad and mom are divorced so he doesn't live with us and he never comes over, so I guess he wouldn't really know if I did pawn it off or something...but my mom always raised me to believe that selling a gift without the giver's consent was wrong. I don't know, what do you guys think? Should I try to sell it for a little bit of extra money? Or would that not be morally right? (link)
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Well, try to put yourself in your Dad's shoes. So imagine you bought him a super nice gift that you thought he would really love. You spent a lot of money on it and were excited for him to use it. A few months later you go to his house and see that the gift is gone. You ask him what happened to it and he tells you that he appreciated the gift, but he didn't really use it so he sold it a few months back for some extra money. How would that make you feel? Personally I don't see anything wrong with selling it, but maybe just not now. Its still so close to when you first got it. It may hurt your dad to know you sold his gift, even though I know that's not what you mean to do. So in the end, its YOUR guitar and you can do what you want. Whatever you decide, just be ready to deal with the consequences (if there are any). Good luck.
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I met this guy at a party and we completely clicked.(Not it like a 5 second moment but we actually had a lot in common) We talked the whole night while all our friends did their own thing. He asked me to come the the beach the next day and got my number. He texted me the next morning about the beach but something had come up so I told him i couldnt go. I told him we should hang later that night and he said sounds good. I texted him around 7pm and he told me he couldnt hang b/c he ended up staying pretty late so we didnt end up hanging out which is fine. I hadnt heard from him for about 3 days then he added me on facebook which i guess means something these days. Anyways he adds me then doesnt say anything so me being the straightforward impatient person that i am wait like 2 days and then text him to come out with me and my friends to a bar. He tells me he is prob stayin in becuase he has to leave early for a wedding. I respond well if you would like to hang for a little we will prob have a couple drinks before hand. Then he DOESNT RESPOND. Nothing doesnt even say no thank you or something...its been like 2 days now and nothing! Is it a lost cause? (link)
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Don't contact him anymore. The ball's in his court. If he hasn't responded then chances are he's just not that into you. No big deal. His loss. Yes, it stings a bit, but look at it like this - you're not wasting any more energy on someone who doesn't think you're as amazing as you probably are!
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18/female. A few weeks ago, my ex and I hung out. We were with a group of people at first, so it wasn't just us two alone. But at one point, he asked me to go for a walk with him, so we could talk about stuff. I was completly fine with this because we hadn't talk about stuff in a while, and we stayed pretty close friends. So we started talking and I started to get a bit upset, the stuff we were talking about is a little personal and hes the only one I could talk to about it. But anyways, he said he was going to give me a hug cause he didn't want me being sad. So after he hugged me, he kinda just stared into my eyes for a few minutes. And I just started to giggle and said "what!?" and he replied with "I've just really missed you." Then he started to inch closer, and he kissed me.. we ended up making out.. but anyways, the problem is were both dating someone, and I feel really bad.. not only for my boyfriend, but also for his girlfriend. I really want to tell my boyfriend, but it will break his heart, even... (link)
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Don't base what you do on how your ex feels. That makes it sound to me like you just don't want to be alone, which is never a good attitude. Think about what will make YOU feel more at peace. If you don't think you have strong feelings for your bf then its not fair to keep him in a relationship that's not really going anywhere. Doesn't he deserve a girl that is totally devoted to him? As far as kissing your ex, he doesn't need to know that. It would only hurt him more. So share your feelings with him about how your relationship is going. Don't bring anyone else into it. It won't help. What's done is done. You can't change the past but you can decide what today is going to be like.
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Ok, so i have been with this boy for a year and a half now. We have known each other for going on five years, we met when we were 17. He had a girl at the time and he cheated on her with me, but he ended up staying with her... We stopped talking and met back up.. We got together april 10th of last year, everytging was good until two weeks ago i went to visit my family. came back and did laundry and found purple panties in his clothes what do i do? (link)
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If he cheated on his girlfriend with you, why wouldn't he cheat on YOU with someone else? What do you do? Walk away and concentrate on living your life in a way that attracts positive, caring, honest people, not losers like your bf.
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Every single thing for ADD symtpoms is true for me. Im very smart but its just so hard to concentrate and due to my extreme procrastination I am very behind on all of my homework. When I try and tell my parents I think I have ADD they don't really take it seriously or they ask if I'd want to be put on pills but I really dont want to because of the crazy side effects. Also they don't know of my extreme procrastination.. I've had this problem for years but now Im 16 and its even worse cause I get harder and more time consuming work every year.. I cant finish work in "all nighters" anymore. I have so much potential and I dont know why I keep doing this. Im very afraid to tell my parents cause they think Im doing fine but they really dont know that everything is horrible.. Im failing 6 out of 8 classes cause of it, I've stayed home from school 2 times to do work (I still end up procrastinating when I do that), and on Friday I was kicked off the volleyball team for 3 weeks since Im failing. I havent told my parents.. they are going to kill me if I do.. I have to finish my work in a week. I have big dreams but this damn lack of concentration is getting in the way of everything I want to do. I just get a high from doing things online.. even if Im not online I still find ways to procrastinate. Yes its being lazy but its not an occasional thing.. its an everyday thing. I guess it started from grade school when I spent longer than most kids to finish work. It doesnt help that I am also a perfectionist. What can I do to fix everything? I HATE doing this to myself and I have so much potential.. Im smart and can handle the honors and college classes im in but Im just doing stupid things, digging myself in a hole of work that seems impossible to get out of. i still have work from the beginning of the marking period, nearly 7 weeks ago
(link)
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Both my sister and brother have ADD. I'm not totally sure if what you're describing is REALLY a.d.d., but it couldn't hurt to find out. Tell your parents to make you a doctor's appt. You don't have to tell them the real reason. Tell them you've been having burning in your stomach and you think it may be an ulcer (that's a good one because you HAVE to see a dr. for something like that). When you get to the Dr. ask to see him/her alone, then be totally honest about what you think is happening to you. At least you'll have the comfort of knowing you consulted a professional. Just from the sound of your letter, I'm thinking this is more of a psycological issue, and you might benefit more from therapy than pills, but I'm not a doctor and that's just a guess based on what I do know about ADD. In any case, you do have SOMETHING wrong, and you need to seek help. The good news is, there is plenty of help available. The first step is to see a dr. Good luck!
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me and my boyfriend have been dating for a couple months now. and all of a sudden hes asked for a naked pic ( i wont and havent given him one) i told him i deserved more respect than that, and he didnt seem to care that he hurt my feelings.
so school starts tommorrow and i will see him again. io want to break up with him and have waited till now to do it face to face.
how do i break up with him.
he wont care when i do, i doubt he even had feelings for me.
so suggestions?
(link)
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Short and sweet. He doesn't sound like the kind of guy you need to waste a lot of time explaining things to. And good for you! Nice to see a young person with some self respect.
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So yesterday was me and my boyfriend's one year anniversary. I had a feeling he wasn't really gonna do anything, so I specifically asked him to plan something nice for us to do. But of course, he didn't. I went to his place and he was like sorry, I didn't plan anything. Wanna go see a movie? and I just went along with it..because I knew it would happen. I also put a lot of thought into the gift I got him (which he loved), baked him some peanut butter bars, and wrote him a really sweet letter. He got me a box of chocolate and was like "I was gonna get you Monopoly, but I didn't know if you alrready had it" (we play online together sometimes and its like an inside joke).
Anyway, point is that I was beyond disappointed and sad. I didnt say anything because whenever I say things about him like doing something wrong, he shuts down and says "I'm sorry I'm a terrible boyfriend" but like, not in an actual apologetic way. So how can I express that I'm sad without him shutting down like that? i just want him to try sometimes. How do I get him to try? I mean I asked him to plan something, I don't know how to be more blunt. Shouldn't he just want to/know to plan something for our one year anniversary? It's not the first time he's done something like this. He didn't get me anything for christmas last year (and i got him cute stuff) and i was sad. He never plans/does anything romantic. Please help! (link)
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I know it hurts, but the truth is this is one of those CLASSIC differences between guys and girls. Sure, SOME guys are romantic, but I think you'll find most guys just don't look at things that way. Girls are into that kind of stuff. We enjoy celebrating anniversaries and getting surprises. Guys don't think like us. They are totally clueless when it comes to "sentiment". I really don't believe it has anything to do with how he feels about you. He obviously cares. But he's a guy and what we think is cute is totally different from how guys think. He's just happy to be with you. In his guy world, just having you as a gf is gift enough. But us ladies like to give and receive appreciation. Its just the way we're wired. Honey, I've been married 11 years and I can count on one hand the number of "special" dates, gifts or surprises my husband has given me. And, just like you, I've felt hurt and unappreciated. But I came to realize that he just doesn't show love the way I do. So now, even though I STILL wish he'd plan an anniversary date every once in a while, I suck it up and do it myself, because I know that's the only way I'm going to get what I want. And he likes that because in the end, he only wants to see me happy, so he's willing to foot the bill and put in the time, as long as its something I really want to do. What made it easier for me was to start thinking of the ways he DOES show me he cares. It might not be that romantic, but he always lets me pick the movies we see. He always makes sure my oil is changed in my car. He'll give me money and tell me to buy an outfit I like (of course, by myself. Husbands don't shop either!) He'll compliment my appearance or help with chores he knows I hate to do. My point is, men show their love in different ways than we do. What things does your bf do that let you know he cares? Think about those things and concentrate on that. As far as the romantic stuff, be blunt! Like I said, guys can be clueless. They're not going to figure it out on their own. So if you know you want something special for Christmas or anniversary, give him a list of the top 3 things he can do and let him pick. I bet he would really appreciate that, because he'll be able to know for sure that whatever he does you'll like. He doesn't sound like a bad boyfriend. And you sound like a good girlfriend. I think you guys will do fine. Good luck!
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Well i used to be really really jealous and me and my boyfriend of four years broke up because of it, because he kept lying to not hurt me, and it bothered me when he watched porn and stuff, but later he begged me back and he said he loved me & wanted me back. So now that we were together i asked him not to look at porn and if he wanted pictures or something i would send him some and even though i'm trying to get un-jealous like before i wouldn't let him go out without me(yeah i was psycho lol) but now i let get him get away with a lot but i still have jealous thoughts every once in a while, so the day before i wanted my moms number that he had on his phone and i had just gotten a new phone so i asked him for it and he didn't want to give it to me so i got suspicions? And i was like are you doing something wrong? Later he admitted he had porn on it, and i got kinda upset in my head, and later i couldn't stop thinking about it and i was sad and basically said told him i know it's because they look better or you fantasize about other girls but i was saying it not asking it.It was really supposed to be a rhetorical question. And he said well i do fantasize about other girls cause you're the only one i've been with, ( i told him he wasn't supposed to answer and he said he didn't know) and that hurt me really bad and i was like so you'd go with another girl and do her and he said "i just want to" and i was like so you do want to, and he said yeah. Like is that normal? Should i be mad or break up with him? Like now it disgusts me cause we're not even married like i know that happens to married people that have been together for a long time, but us i'm young i have the same body as the porn stars except without the fake big boobs mine are real so i just don't know how to react or what to do. i Just hung up on him cause without saying anything cause this happened right before he went into work so he didn't call back.
Please just tell me your opinions. (link)
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Nope. You're wrong. People have been married for a long time don't turn to porn to get turned on. People who are "sick" turn to porn to get turned on. I can't say for sure, since I really don't know your relationship, but its my guess that the real issue isn't you at all. I think your boyfriend has a porn addiciton. Yes, porn addiction is VERY real and destructive. You say you are pretty attractive, so obviously its not about looks for him. He has other things he's dealing with. So in a way, you can feel a little better knowing its not really you, but the flip side of that is that you have a bf who is addicted to porn! Do an internet search on porn addiction and start finding out what the "signs" of addiction are. Maybe you'll be more clear about the situation and what to do about it if you understand a bit more about it... but in the meantime, to protect yourself and your heart, break up with this guy. He doesn't have your best interests and heart, right now.
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18/f my friend Deliah is 17 and I think she is goin to get hurt. She met this guy when we were at this water park. We were staying there over night and he was the concierge. She talked to him and at first we were all just kidding around, next
thing I know she asks for his number. He's 21 and is really weird. He's rude and I don't trust him. I just don't get a good vibe. Also, he told her how his last girlfriend was a stripper. The one before that cheated on him three times. Then, he says he's in college but not going right now at all, because he is waiting for one specific class. She called him one day at like 2 and he was like why'd you call you woke me up. And she was like why aren't you up yet. And he's like because I always wake up at 3. He sounds like such a bum. Also, he lives an hour and a half away. He wants her to come down all the time. Deliah hasn't told her parents about him. Deliah is a realy really good girl, she's actually pretty prude, which gets annoying sometimes, but she's also a huge push over. I'm really worried about her safety. I knowthis is far fetched maybe, but what if he tries to rape her or something. I mean honestly, what does a 21 year old guy want to do with a 17 year old girl? She just turned 17 over a week ago too. He turns 22 soon. I like older guys too. But not that old, and I'm also 18. At least i'm considered an adult. I know I can't force her to do or not do anything, but what should I say? How should I say it? My other best fried who is very close to deliah also wants to say something (link)
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You need to confront D about this and tell her your concerns, which are very real and VALID... her behavior is cause for alarm. I think your instincts are right about this. In the end, you can't stop her from doing anything she really wants to do, but you CAN make sure she knows what you think and what danger could be involved. Do an internet search for stories about girls and "date rape"... lots of scary stuff out there! And don't be afraid of her anger. She may not appreciate your opinion and even be mad at you, but if you love her you will be able to handle it. I'd rather my friend hate me than be hurt because I didn't give her fair warning! She is lucky to have someone like you in her life. I hope she listens to you, but if not, you can at least have the peace of mind of knowing you did all you could. Good luck.
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are the questions that i post too difficult for anyone to answer? or do you guys only know about sex and drama betweens friends? (link)
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what was the question again?
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okay so im quite close with this girl, she's always got her defences up but she really opens up to me and vice versa, well i told here theres this guy i really hate (he threatened to beat me up/kill me etc) however the main reason i hate him is because he hurt my other best friend. recently the girl im close with has been hanging around him more (its not that she sets out to spend time with him, its just that whenever she's out he is too), I've sort of hinted that it makes me uncomfortable, but I have not blatantly said it. anyway she takes pictures with him and puts them up as her fb profile picture. I'm not sure weather im being childish and petty in that the fact she spends time with someone that dislikes me that much (and vice versa) i think that she may be doing it to annoy me but im not sure.. (link)
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No, I don't think she's trying to annoy you. I've had this same situation. I used to date a guy who was friends with the guy that date-raped my roommate in high school. I didn't want to expose my roommate's secret, but I would always try to tell him about that guy and that he was a creepy loser. My boyfriend just thought my roommate was a jealous ex or something. One day I said "Hey, it bothers me that you sometimes hang out with this guy and I know for a fact that he is a creep and even worse". My BF said "you know what, maybe you're right, but its not right to take your word for it only. I can't judge him based on events I don't have personal knowledge of...I'll make my OWN judgements". Well, since I didn't want to reveal my roommate's very sensitive information, I couldn't really argue with him, but eventually the dude showed his true colors and my bf saw him for what he really was. I think your friend might feel the same way sort of. Maybe she really trusts your opinion, but doesn't want to "judge" someone that she doesn't really know yet. Feel free to mention it to her that it bothers you a bit, but then back off and let her come to her own conclusions. And don't worry... if this guy really is as bad as you say he is then he won't be able to hide it for long. A leopard can't hide his spots! He'll eventually do something to piss your friend off and she'll know for herself exactly what you meant. Until then, don't nag her about it, or you may well come off looking petty/childish, even though we know that's not what its really about.
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