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Don't know what to do about him anymore ..
20F. Nick - Just turned 19
This will be long, but I will return the favor I'm just so lost right now.
Me and Nick have been close friends for probably 5 years now. I've always had a crush on him, I know he's always had an attraction to me but he's had a girlfriend for 3 years. Finally they broke up their senior year but that wasn't the end of her. She was Nick's only girlfriend he's ever had, they lost their virginity's to each other, they have something special. She is a bit obsessive and won't let go of him but I get mad at him for not being able to let go of her too. Before he left for South Dakota in September for hockey, we talked. I said Nick, I have a serious question for you. Whats going on with you and Maria (his ex girlfriend, not ex girlfriend, whatever you call her) are you two still together or what? He replied, no we we have been broken up. I was finally happy. Nick doesn't lie to me, he's the only guy I can ever trust. But then about two weeks after Nick was in South Dakota, Maria goes and visits him. I was upset and mad, like okay why is she going there when there broken up? I found out from someone that she kind of invited herself, but I guess he could have said no? Then I find out that she is there this weekend again with HIS family. I know she is obviously close with his family, they were together for 3 years ..but I don't see how this would be necessary if they aren't even together "supposedly"?? Then Nick's host mom, the person he is living with there while he plays hockey wrote on his facebook: Got the picture of you dressed like a girl from your mom. You look sooooo cute! I bet your girl friend was jealous! Haha
When I saw this I was like okay are they back together? It's always so hard to tell if they are or not because even when they aren't, she still goes and sees him. I don't even know what to do. I'm going there in about a month to see him with 2 of my friends, I was really excited to see him but now I just don't even know I have all these mixed emotions because of all of this. I feel like if I ask if they're back together he will be like, I already told you we were broken up. I don't want to sound like a creep and say, I saw on facebook Maria has been there to see you twice already.
What should I do?? I will NEVER lose feelings for him I know that, but I am starting to lose hope of us having anything besides a friendship. I haven't told him flat out that I want to be more, because I don't know if he feels the same. People say he does and sometimes he acts like it, but if he really doesn't I don't want our friendship to be awkward then. How can I get the truth out? I don't think he would lie to me about them being broken up. Also, we talked about having sex (I insisted) when I found out that they weren't together anymore. I've already lost my virginity and I don't have sex with random guys but I trust Nick so much I just have this desire to have sex with him burning inside of me. Please don't comment on that decision, but if I go there and he wants to have sex or do something I would be up to it, only if he wasn't with Maria. How would I even bring it up? So lost ..any advice please.
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I know how you feel all to well!
I hate those kind of relationships that are on and then off and then back on. I find them to be too much and the relationship seems so unsteady. I've been in your shoes and in a way I still am...I hated the fact that this guy I really liked went back to this girl who would treat him like crap. I never understood why he would go back but he did. I was always there for him when she hurt him because I cared that much about him.
If you care about him as a friend you'll support whatever decision that he makes in the end. At the same time if you have feelings the only way you're going to know how he's feeling if you tell him how you feel. You may have regret if you don't say anything at all and thats the worst kind of regret of all. And if he doesn't feel the same way its not the end of the world it just wasn't meant to be. If you and him are really good friends in the end it won't be awkward. It is better to say something then to say nothing at all. I believe in fighting for what you believe and what you want and if you want him to know how you feel...you go girl! Good luck!
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ive been going out wiht my guy for almost three years and i could tell you right now if we broke up today we would still act like we were together because we love eachother and we are best friends. im close to his family so i would only expect that we still talk you know this whole thing with him and maria is confusing and he still really likes her you cant just flush three years down and go to some other girl and love you you know i mean its gonna take a long time to get over this. if hes going to have sex with you its just going to be hook up that sounds like to me. im sure he has feelings for you but not as strong as for maria. its a complicated situation and you jst really like a guy that you cant fully have. when you see him u should really talk to him about how you like him and see what he says it cant hurt to try i would do it at the end of the trip tho.
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Ok, lets back up. I think your desire to have sex with Nick isn't really about the SEX... you have deep feelings for him and you want to express those feelings. So having sex just to quell that desire "burning inside of you" won't be fulfilling. It won't give you what you want. Put that on the back burner for now and deal with the REAL issue, and that is your feelings for Nick. You've got two choices here - 1) just keep your feelings to yourself and let him do.. whatever it is he's doing right now. The down side is that you'll have to squash your feelings and swallow your jeolousy, the up side is that you know you'll still have him as a friend OR 2) come clean about how you feel and see what he thinks. The down side is that he may not be ready for that with you and it will ruin the friendship. The up side is that you can get it off your chest and the ball will be in his court. Whatever you decide to do, keep in mind that Nick is going through a tough time right now. It may seem confusing to you what is happening with Maria right now, but remember that they have a very strong bond created by sex, and that is very hard to break. To me, it sounds like they ARE broken up, but haven't let go yet (that happens a lot with 'first loves'). He's not being a jerk, he's just confused and probably still hurting. So, the decision is yours, but like I said, I wouldn't look at it so much from the sex angle - you wanting to have sex with him is just a byproduct of your true feelings. You could seriously blow it if you just have sex but you haven't revealed your true feelings for him. I wish you luck. I've been where you are and I know how hard it is. I'll leave you with this - you'll never know what could be unless you truly be honest with him and lay it on the line. Its risky, but the pay-off could be big. Good luck!
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