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Is this normal? What to do.
17/f
I'm happy with him. I am. But there are times where I just cry. He confuses me. Before he was so sure about his feelings for me, now I'm confused on what he's thinking. He says, he "hopes" he can stay with me. And he's "trying" to keep his feelings for me. Before he was trying to break up with me because apparently I was "getting in the way of his dreams". He did not exactly say those words, but he did also say he wanted more "freedom". At the end he was having a hard time letting me go, so he decided to stay with me and try to cope with everything. His dream was to be a surgeon. So, I tried supporting him. We studied together, we increased our study time, we didn't see each other as much. Now, he decided he's not sure what he wants to do. He wants to take time and "discover" himself. He dropped his classes, since I'm doing college and high school classes, I'm taking 27 credit hours including high school. School is the only place I mainly get to see him. He wants to work 2 different jobs. One at T-Mobile, another one is at the orthodontist office. He says that he hates it when he makes me cry, he feels like dying. Whenever I cry, he feels as if I deserve better. I wanted him to clarify to me how he felt, if he still believes in us, and what is he thinking now. He says he still loves me, he still believes in us, he just hates making me cry. He called himself selfish and unbalanced, and that's what makes him worry about hurting me
I just wonder why doesn't he just think about his actions or whatsover? Or maybe I'm just being selfish. I don't know exactly, first he wanted me to cope with him studying and everything, I did it. My friends don't understand what he means by "getting his dream", because I was there to support him. I don't know what to do. I'm tired of feeling sad, I'm tired of hearing him say, "I hope we will" or this and that. He still confuses me, he makes it seem like he's losing feelings for me and that he doesn't believe in us anymore, it makes me lose hope. But he says he isn't... I don't know what to do. Help? Advice?
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It's a hard time of life - it's really too early in life for the two you to make a life long commitment to each other... you have college immediately ahead of you, and he is clearly planning on much more education ahead of him...
So when you say that he is saying "I hope we can still be together." I'm not sure what you want to hear him saying. What do you want? To hear him making plans for a life together? That seems a bit unrealistic.
Ask him about his feelings for you. Tell him what you'd like out of the relationship, and ask him what he'd like. It could be that you want something similar... But it's possible you may have different goals. Talking it out will be probably be good for both of you.
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This is called "passive-agressive" behavior. He's trying to tell you he doesn't see a future with you without really telling you. He sounds like a good guy. Good guys don't want to hurt people, especially people they care about. He obviously cares about you, but he is starting to grow and change and he's realizing that and he doesn't want to hurt you as he tries to find his place in this world and learn about himself. Its tough, I know. Its not you. It has nothing to do with you. If anything, he hasn't left yet because you ARE special to him. But that still doesn't change the fact that HE is changing, and he knows it. He can feel himself growing apart from you, but he doesn't know how to say it without hurting you. That's what I think anyway. Instead of trying to read into what he REALLY means, you need to start listening, ACTUALLY listening , to what he is saying. He wants "freedom", he wants to "discover" himself, he thinks he is going to "hurt" you... You already know what these words mean, he is just hoping you'll figure it out on your own so he doesn't have to deal with the guilt of breaking up with you (which is actually typical for guys around your age range, really it is). I suggest you sit down with him, CALMLY, and ask him point blank if this relationship is worth sticking around for or are you just wasting your time. If he cares for you at all, he'll have the balls to be honest. You may not like what you hear, but at least you'll know where you stand, and wouldn't that be better than living in this limbo you're in now.
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