Erinn_the_bamf's advice column

okay.so i live in california.
i wont say my exact location but i leave near cities like orange and anihim

is there any place you can go to be tested without parents?

also same for abortion?

please dont tell me about ending a human life its probaly not even the case

and does it cost money?

and same with birth control?

im almost 16 btw

http://plannedparenthood.org/findCenterProcess.asp

Type in your Zipe Code and State. Planned Parenthood has centers all over so I'm sure there's one near you.

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i was wonndering if rubbing your vagina until it feels really good is called masterbating
because all my little cousins do it and i used to do it when i was little.if its not, then what is it?

Yes, this is masturbation.

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Hey!
I recently got a new pet fish, and I don't know which type of food I should feed it.
Any ideas of a good brand, or if it should be flakes?

Frosted Flakes.

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What in the world does "mangy" mean. I keep seeing it everywhere:)

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/mangy

Old; worn out.

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well. the other day my ex and i were talking. then he told me that he loves me. and i dont know whether to believe him or not. i like him, and i told him that. the thing is that he's said it before. and i dont know if he means it. i really really need to know if i should believe him or not. or how to find out if he's telling the truth. i know that i should ask him in person. but i dont know what else to do. please. i really need help.

The best thing is to just ask him directly, in person like you said. Say something like:

"I want to talk to you about how you love me. Do you really mean it? In all honesty, were you serious when you said you loved me?"

When asking him about this, stress the honesty part. Remember though, he may THINK he loves you, but that doesn't nessicarily mean he does. You are only 13 and most people are too immature at 13 to really know what love is.

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why is it that all the brunette jokes are about our boobs?
just because ours arent FAKE doesnt mean we dont have them.
what do you think?

Are you offended by it?

Because that's kinda the point.

Hair color jokes aren't meant to make sense. They're ridiculous and shouldn't be taken seriously. Blondes aren't really stupid and brunettes aren't really flat. Don't worry about it.

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Hey, i read your description on your page and thought you could best help me with my problems.
This may be a bit long, i apologize in advance. I'll try to make this as short as possible. =D

14/F/Canada

New Years is coming up, which means resolutions!
Along with the weight loss and that stuff, one really important New Years Resloution in which i want to succeed in is not letting people push me around, especially my dad. He has always been very strict with me and im growing up, and i really want to stand up to him this year and show him that he has to let go and not be so overprotective. Part of this is, im not speaking up as much as i should. I am very reponsible, 86 average, dont do drugs or anything, and i dont makeup nor have a boyfriend. I really want to show him that he can not push me around like this, and im not going to keep quiet all the time about it. When i do try to do that, i come off as arrogant and very rude. He is not the understanding type and actions speak more then words to him, so im terribly confused. Not only with him, i need some skills for the outside world as well (high school, etc). You say in your description that you choose to stand out. Can you explain/ help me with this please? To make the question more clear, i really need advice on how excatly not to let people push me around. I want my own identity and to be confident about it. Thank you so much, i really appreciate you reading this. =D

Obviously, the way you stand up for yourself is by saying "no." However, the word no doesn't seem so easy to say when saying it could result in an argument. Therefore, there are a few key things you need to remember.

1) You are your own person. Yes, you are fourteen, so technically your parents do have control over you, but if you feel strongly about something, ultimately, it is your decision.

2) No one has the power to make you feel inferior without your premission. If people say nasty things to you, remember, all they really want is a reaction. If you stay positive and overlook their nasty comments you remain in control.

3) Think for a second before you react. Do they have a point to what they're saying? The person may not be saying what you want to hear, but they could be doing something for your benefit. If they are just being rude, then by all means put an end to what they are saying, but take a step back and think first.

If you remember what I told you, it will be easier to stand up for yourself. This is one of my New Year's Resolutions also. If I didn't fully explain this, tell me, and I'll revise!

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Say you started dating someone on September 26 and you wanted to know how long you've been dating.

Would you:

(A) Just use the day "26" of each month as another month even though it doesnt actually add up to one month.

or

(B) Get a calander and count 7 days after September 26th, use that as one week then Actually count 4 weeks out each time and not have it land on a day "26"?

If anyone understands what i'm asking I would really appreciate an answer.

Thanks =)

I'd go with A. B is a tad bit obsessive complusive. Not to mention that four weeks is only 28 days when all the monthes, except February, have 30 or 31 days.

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what are some good and cute clothes that i can wear around the house and that will keep me warm? all i do around the house is dance ( ALOT), sing,work on computer, that kind of stuff.

thanks alot!

The Victoria's Secret Pink Collection clothing is great for comfort.

http://www2.victoriassecret.com/category/?cgnbr=OSPNKZZZZZZ

Sometimes this brand can be slightly expensive. Loungewear from any other store is a great option too.

Forever 21's Loungewear:
http://www.forever21.com/category.asp?catalog_name=FOREVER21&category_name=intimates_lounge&Page=1

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I need some cheap, nice christmas presents to give my friends. either presents, or maybe making something? that i can hand out to them like on thursday/friday. im a 13 year old girl and all my gifts are to girls. and maybe some teachers.. all my teachers are girls except for 1 old dude, lol. thanks a lot for the help, i really dont know what to get them for xmas! its making me so anxious!!

-Get tiny Christmas ordaments and write your friend's names on them with a glitter pen.
-Hand out candy/gum
-Hand out homemade cookies
-Burn CDs of your favorite songs
-Buy a pack of body washes and such and give each of your friends a different body soap thing
-Decorative cards with pictures of you and your friends together
-Chapstick/nailpolish/other inexpensive make up item
-Key chains

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Hey everyone Im a 15 year old girl in highschool and I need some advice. My used to be best friend recently started getting drunk about a month into our freshman year. At first she started talking about it and I got really mad at her for even thinking about it. I made her promise not to go drinking and promised me she wouldn't. Then I here on homecomming that she drank before the dance with some of my other friends but I just assumed that she was acting crazy at the dance, not actually drunk. I had to hear from SOMEONE ELSE that she drank. So indtead of confronting her I gave her a complete silent treatment for 3 weeks. She finally wrote me a note saying how she was sorry how she messed up our friendship, how we used to be best friends, how shes an idiot, how shell never drink again and stuff like that. I decided to forgive her a few days later. So time went on and we were cool, but then like 4 days ago i found out she FOR SURE was drinking over the weekend. Then today I found out shes planning to go get drunk this weekend. Ive stopped talking to her since i found out she drank last weekend. Am I doing something wrong? How do I handle this? Do i talk to her? I care about her soooooo much. she also has a problem with being taken advantage of by boys. Her mom has cancer, her dads an ex meth user. She keeps trying to work things out with me but I always brush her off. Sometimes im pretty nasty w/ her. Theres more sides to the story, but i think im running out of room so i'll stop. Thanks for taking the time to read this...

BHKchick

You need to talk to your friend. She's going through a lot right now and needs your support. I have a hunch that she's drinking to forget about her problems.

Talk to her alone in person. Beforehand, get an idea of what you're going to say. Explain to her that it is not only hurting her, it's hurting others too. Be gentle when talking to her and don't yell, or else she'll get defensive and won't listen to a word you say. Also, you might want to talk to her about her troubles with getting taken advantage of by boys.

She might not listen to what you have to say right away. She may get offended and scream and yell at you. Stay calm. Yelling at her back will only make matters more diffucult. If she does decide to yell and such and storm off, let her. I'm not saying you should completely stop caring for her, but let her come back when she's ready to talk. This is going to be a heavy conversation and you shouldn't have it while she's acting like an emotional trainwreck.

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hey whatsup. my names casey.
im in 7th grade and im thirteen.i live in bermingham alabama & i go to a christian middleschool, so theres only one class per grade [sucks i know]. But lately the boys in my grade have been really immature. All they talk about is how "hot" the eigth grade girls are, and they never talk to US anymore they just talk to the eigth grade girls. They say were jealous of them. I say NOOO. Girls like to date older guys...am i right? Well then why the hell are these losers non-stop flirting with the boys in our class!?! They have their OWN boys in THEIR class!!
The point is: i dont know wat to do about getting the boys to notice that we [seventh graders] have something to offer to NOT JUST OLDER GIRLS!

HELPPPPP.

-Casey

There really isn't much you can do. Most of the boys your age are immature morons. Girls tend to mature faster than boys. The ones your age are probably just hitting puberty now, so it's understandable that they're constantly staring at the older girl- their hormones are telling them that they should because the older girls are "hot". Give it a few monthes. Really, this stage they're going through won't last.

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ok so me and my friend are in 8th grade
tonight me her her boyfriend and my boyfriend were supposed to go to the movies for a double date.
well usually she doesnt go out with guys and she had just became this guys girfriend and i was like i bet shes gonna stand him up and me my boyfreind and my friends boyfreind went to the movies tonight and she wasnt there and i felt so sorry for her boyfriend but she always does this
WHAT SHOULD I DO!!!!!

Talk to her. Explain that what she did was very immature, and that she hurt her boyfriend greatly. After that, get her to talk to her boyfriend. She needs to apologize. Furthermore, she probably should talk to him about whatever issues she has with dating so together the two of them can aviod this in the future.

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I was wondering, I am getting with this girl, and dont want to immediately have sex with her just yet, without first getting us tested for VD's but my question is this.. Can I safely lick her pussy and she give me head and be assured that NEITHER of us can catch a disease? I KNOW that I AM CLEAN and have no VD's or other infections. I have been tested and have only been with my wife of 11 years, now she is gone, divorcing me and I have to move on and have found a really hot girl to go forward with. I just want to be safe. Thank you.

If the girl has an STD of the mouth, such as herpes, gonnereah, or syphillis, amongst others, you can catch whatever she has if she gives you a blowjob. Likewise, you can get an STD in your mouth from giving her oral sex if she has an STD in her lower region.

EDIT: In response to you feedback, if she has sores in her mouth or genital area, she has an STD. Remember though, not all STDs have visible sores.

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does anyone know the band that plays this song?
--

it has a boy singing, and a girl singing in the back round. the band has a lot of piano in it

here are the words to one of their songs, the "___" is what i don't remember.

sing like you think no ones listening
it can be soft and ___
loud and out of key
sing me anything

the song name is

ex______ of your prom night

i think the band's name begins with an "S". i've been looking everywhere! thanks :]

Straylight Run. The name of this song is Existentialism On Prom Night.

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Im in this play at my school and opening night is coming up and I'm nervous! There is going to be alot of people watching and in my role, i have to tell the story to the auidence, like a narrator. Any advice to make the nervousness go away?
(14/f)

P.S My first play! Its called "Antigone".

I myself an a bit of an actress, I guess. I'm in my school's acting class and I'm in our play too. And you know what? When I get on stage, I'm nervous everytime.

There really isn't much that makes the nervousness go away. Actually, the nervousness makes some people do better! It gives you an extra boost to get you going. You won't really loose it until you get into your lines.

Anyway, the best thing to do, is keep you POC, or point of concentration. Concentrate on something while saying your lines: it makes you less nervous and helps you focous.

And remember: You're obviously a good actress, or you wouldn't have gotten the part! Break a leg!

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I would kill to have the new phone from Verizon called the Voyager. It's $350, which is totally and completely out of my budget right now. It did just come out, so is there any chance of the price dropping?

The price won't drop too soon. Generally, prices drop a tad after a month or two, but it doesn't quite go to a reasonable price yet.. However, since it's the holiday season it may take longer for the price to drop. Wait a couple of monthes, then it may be in your budget.

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Well, my bf has a little drinking problem. Its not all the time, but when he starts he cant stop, but hes not dependant on drinking. He doesnt do it all the time. Well, one time he said he went to a poker party. I went out to a club with my girlfriends. While i was there, i danced with my girls. Well, this particular club had like little beds with a sheer curtain around it for people to hook up. Well, i saw this girl getting a little friskey with a guy, like shed known him for a while, well they closed the big black curtain, but before that she took off her clothes and so did he. I thought i saw my boyfriends face so i ran up there and i peeked through the black curtain. I saw the back of the guys head having sex with the girl, well he had long brown hair like my bf. I didnt want to seem like a pervert if it wasnt my bf, so i crept to the other side and saw it was my bf!!! I ripped open the curtains and was like WTF JAKE and hes like katie, come join, i love threesomes! and i was like WERE OVER. The next day he called me and didnt remember anything at all! I told him about it, and hes like well i was at my friends but i started drinking, and we ended up at the club...then all black, then i woke up in the club with no shirt on. I dont know what to do. I was like well were over, and he showed up with flowers, the next day with candy, the next with a diamond necklace. I think he really wants me back. Should i take him back, or kick him to the curb??

Don't take him back.

Being drunk is never an excuse. It's his own fault he drank that much. He was irresponsible. Furthermore, alcohol actually reduces sexual drive. "I was drunk hunny!" is not an excuse. ever.

He also needs to realize that he drinks to much. You leaving him is a wake up call he needs to recieve. He has a problem, and maybe now that you're gone he can see what his drinking does to others.

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THIS IS G0ING TO SOUND DUMB BUT.
what does the word L 0 V E;; mean?

how do you know you love some one.
i mean i know i love my friends and family
but like a boy?

This is so cliche, but you just know. It's like something you've never felt before. I know that doesn't really help. But think of it this way: you'll know you're in love when you never have to ask the question "How do you know if you're in love?" ever again. =]

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