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Friends getting drunk
Hey everyone Im a 15 year old girl in highschool and I need some advice. My used to be best friend recently started getting drunk about a month into our freshman year. At first she started talking about it and I got really mad at her for even thinking about it. I made her promise not to go drinking and promised me she wouldn't. Then I here on homecomming that she drank before the dance with some of my other friends but I just assumed that she was acting crazy at the dance, not actually drunk. I had to hear from SOMEONE ELSE that she drank. So indtead of confronting her I gave her a complete silent treatment for 3 weeks. She finally wrote me a note saying how she was sorry how she messed up our friendship, how we used to be best friends, how shes an idiot, how shell never drink again and stuff like that. I decided to forgive her a few days later. So time went on and we were cool, but then like 4 days ago i found out she FOR SURE was drinking over the weekend. Then today I found out shes planning to go get drunk this weekend. Ive stopped talking to her since i found out she drank last weekend. Am I doing something wrong? How do I handle this? Do i talk to her? I care about her soooooo much. she also has a problem with being taken advantage of by boys. Her mom has cancer, her dads an ex meth user. She keeps trying to work things out with me but I always brush her off. Sometimes im pretty nasty w/ her. Theres more sides to the story, but i think im running out of room so i'll stop. Thanks for taking the time to read this...
BHKchick
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Your friend has a drinking problem. She isnt drinking just for fun, its more than that it sounds like. A drinking problem is not somethign you can control without help, I truly beeleive she values your friendship, but shes caught up in bad stuff right now at a young age. She could be depressed, desperate to become 'popular' maybe there is a family history of alcoholism, i dont know. if i were you, i would try talkig to her. dont yell or give her silent treatments because like i said before, its not in her control. she has to seek help, talk to a counselor, etc. i heard a story a couple weeks ago about 3 freshman who overdosed on painkillers in school and had to go to the hospitol. there are so many girls like them making stupid choices, desperate for attention.
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The reason it sounds like she drinks is because she is either depressed or she wants to rebel for some reason. If you start up drama by getting mad at her for drinking, it's not helping. When people are depressed, they drink. You could unconsciously be part of the cause of the ONGOING problem. You need to lay off. You aren't her mom. Let her have her fun. You can't just tell someone something. They have to actually go through the consequences. So let her get in trouble with the police or her parents (although they don't seem like they would care). It's the only way she will learn.
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You need to talk to your friend. She's going through a lot right now and needs your support. I have a hunch that she's drinking to forget about her problems.
Talk to her alone in person. Beforehand, get an idea of what you're going to say. Explain to her that it is not only hurting her, it's hurting others too. Be gentle when talking to her and don't yell, or else she'll get defensive and won't listen to a word you say. Also, you might want to talk to her about her troubles with getting taken advantage of by boys.
She might not listen to what you have to say right away. She may get offended and scream and yell at you. Stay calm. Yelling at her back will only make matters more diffucult. If she does decide to yell and such and storm off, let her. I'm not saying you should completely stop caring for her, but let her come back when she's ready to talk. This is going to be a heavy conversation and you shouldn't have it while she's acting like an emotional trainwreck.
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Hey, my name is Em231 and i thimk I can help you
the silent treatment won't work to long because if
you don't have a convosation with her she will keep
drinking and drinking and she might get real sick.
You need to talk to her one on one because if you
don't who will try to stop her no one because no one
gives a crap if people get sick and die!
I hoped i helped
Em231:)
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You giving her the silent treatment isn't going to help this situation - it's just going to put more worry on her shoulders, because from what you've said about her mum and dad etc, she must be dealing with some pretty hard issues at the moment.. even if she doesn't show it on the outside.
I know you care about her, you even said yourself, so that's a good enough reason to stick around and help her through it, right?
There could be a number of reasons for her drinking.
It could just be a phase where she wants to act big - which shouldn't be too much of a problem because within a bit of time, she'll probably get bored of it. and lets face it, most rebellious teens go through a phase like this.
Or,
it could actually be the beginning of a serious problem.
It depends how much she's drinking at the moment - and what she's drinking, too.
If I were in your position, I'd talk to her. Ask her why she does it. Help her stop.
Do the decent thing a best friend would and help. I know you don't appreciate her drinking and don't want to see anything bad happen to her, but that's what best friends are for - to stick around and help each other with their problems.
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It really sounds like your friend is going through a rough time! Her mother has cancer and her dad's an ex meth user. It doesn't sound like your friend is in a healthy emotional state, either. She may be drinking in order to cope with her problems! There are two things that you can do:
1-Be there for her. Tell her that drinking won't solve any of her problems at home! Tell her that you care for her so much and if she's chosen to drink with her other friends to be cool that you don't want to be a part of that. Drinking so early and much in this stage in her life is only going to do her damage. If she responds to this message then you are doing the right thing.
2- However, if you tell her the above and she still tries to drink behind your back, etc. then it might be time to let this certain friend go. Sometimes there isn't much that you can personally do for someone that is making the wrong decisions. Care for her, pray for her if you believe in God, but don't get yourself wrapped up into a bad situation. She could turn the tables around on you and try to get you to drink.
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