Wife, mother, loyal friend to the end, model, classic car collector. almost 30 years old, and seen alot in my few years here on earth. People usually come to me for advice, and i give in return grounded, realistic answers.
Gender: Female
Location: San diego
Member Since: January 18, 2005
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Last Update: June 30, 2016
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Dragonflymagic
adviceman49
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I am 22 year old guy finally deciding to take a swimming lesson. I went on Saturday and the class looks to have only women in it so I will be the only guy. They all look in their 30s and maybe some younger but still older than me. I called my mom and said I can't go and to cancel the lesson. She said she will if I really want to. Is this a valid concern or am I worried over nothing? (link)
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Sounds like someone is a little concerned that he may be caught doing something "girly" or female no??
not to pick on you at all here but usually these types of thoughts are based on the idea that the person thinks its not something thats "suitable" or appropriate to their gender. This could not be further from the truth. Takeing swimming lessons could save your life, and i think that covers all genders lol. so you needant be concerned with that. usually these classes arent that long and itll all be over with soon so after your done youll never have to tell anyone you dont want to know about it or if there was "a bunch of women" in the class cause they'll never know. ; )
this is about your safety not how many women are taking the class.
youll be fine.
; )
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So about 8 months ago, me and this guy started talking. We didn't talk in school, we only texted (just friends).
Later we got into this HUGE fight and I told him I didn't want to be his friend anymore only because I was mad, not because I meant it.
Anyway, he got mad at me and didn't talk to me. Then when I finally got him to talk to me again he said he doesn't think he should be friends with a person who doesn't want to be friends with him (even though I told him I didn't mean it).
We don't talk anymore and it's really awkward at school. But my problem is that we're not friends and I don't exactly know why. It's not because of that one thing that I said.
He told me there are a few more reasons. And I can't live with an unresolved conflict. Like I need to figure out what I did wrong or end the friendship. It just kinda got cut off.
This happened maybe about 8 months ago? Would it be weird if I bring it up to him again?
I have dreams about him over and over, and in the dream I'm scared to talk to him.
Idk what to do, he won't talk to me, please help! (link)
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Thsi si going to happen in life over and over with people through your life. Theres GOING to be unresolved fights and things liek that even if youve done your level best to fix things with them.
It take time but if youve already told him that what you said you didnt mean and you were just really heated at that one moment in time but that your sorry then he may realize later in his own time that you were genuinely sorry and didnt mean it. This is also a lesson on thinking before you speak even in the most heated of moments.
Ive actually been on the other side of this coin where a friend said some really messed up stuff to me during an argument, even going as far as to dig up things from ten years back just to be hurtful! so trust me i can understand him never wanting to talk to you again, no offense.
You will learn this as you get older and how to control your mouth and your emotions because they can both be connected and sometimes too much. normal adults, even during arguments KNOW what and what not to bring up even when their upset and angry and i think youll grow from this experience. Your hurt from losing a friend over it will teach you and stick with you for along time and the next time your heated youll remember what happened and choose more selectively what to say.
we're all a constant work in progress and we never stop learning and should never stop improving.
Your going to have to let him go, because he has the right to never speak to you again and to keep trying would be harassment on your part. the only thing you can do now is give him space and hope that eventually he will come around.
We've all had this happen to us before, its part of life, and youll get through it. Some lessons are harder than others but you can watch others, learn from THEIR mistakes and make sure not to make the same ones. thats the only way to safe guard yourself against this kind of pain again.
good luck.
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So, my girlfriend and I have been together for a couple months, and I've been kind of unhappy. She is very unaffectionate to me, never wants to kiss or hug at school, but she holds hands, and hugs her friends at school, and has even cuddled with them outside of school. I'm very uncomfortable about this, and I've mentioned it before to her, but when i do, i get a "it's a joke, calm down" and a lecture from her friends that "I'm in the wrong" she's always sending her friends kissy emoji's and hearts, calls her friends "boo" and "bae" but i get no terms of endearment, almost no affection from her. It's "okay" for her to joke around about cuddling with other boys, but the second i mention something about one of my female friends, it's unacceptable. She completely ignores my texts, and will sometimes not reply for hours, but she constantly and immediately texts her friends back. Should i be worried? Should I leave? (link)
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I have to agree with the other two giving advice here, it definitely sounds like something is "a-foot" but you cant be for sure that its cheating.
It could also very well be that shes in love with the idea of being in love and wants to go through the motions and have the title/status of being someones girlfriend and having a boyfriend but once your actually close enough to her she doesnt know what on earth shes doing and is still ruled by what her friend say and do and bottom line you arent at the top of the list because of that.
So when you look at it from that angle its not even actually a relationship, its a front for one that doesnt exist. think about that for a moment.
Now it sounds like your actually interested in a relationship, and you want to be cared for in return, so you need to kindly break things off with her, letting her know that through no fault of her own that you two just dont match, you want different things in a relationship and from what youve picked up she doesnt seem ready for that but that thats totally ok and she'll find someone one day that she matches. just like you.
say things like "youve been doing alot of thinking about the two of you" and "you noticed that" (then add your own thoughts after this part)
Make sure if she gets emotional (just incase here) that you make it known that you "dont think shes a bad person, and that you both want different things thats all"
simple statements like this to a female can mean alot and like youve really been paying attention to things and that she hasnt pulled the wool over your eyes (if that was her intent) about how things should be. (if she hasnt then no harm done either way because thats a very general statement and can be taken many ways)
; )
good luck
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Ok, so I have been with my boy"friend" for almost 2 years, our relationship has been good, not perfect of course, but I honestly felt like he was my life partner, my best friend. Or so he said! Well I am 7 months pregnant with our first son, 5 days ago I got a call saying that he had tried picking up a prostitute and got caught in an undercover sting. He is looking at several years in prison. He seems really sorry, but he also seemed like he really loved me. Should I wait for him? (link)
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I have to agree with boththe previous answers here. You have absolutely NO idea what is going on obviously if hes facing YEARS in jail. First timers do not get years in prison so he WAS hiding something.
You can call the jail or go to the website for your counties jail and enter his name in and it will tell you his charges. ALL of them, not just the ones he chose to let you in on.
The fact that he lied like this, to ME would say "i have no respect for you whatever ever and your not important enough to me that make me rethink my choices as a man because im with you"
One very important thing ive learned in life is that you cant fall in love with someones "potential" because we ALL have the potential to do anything in our lives or to change and not be the way we were before this. You coming into his life obviously was not enough to get him to rethink doing what hes probably done already multiple times based on what his sentence sounds like here. So i would not want to be with someone like that and i would not wait for him either.
Someone can feel like your life partner but people are also very good at hiding their true selves better then you think. Some are capable of it for longer then you might think and some can only hide things for a short period of time.
We cant tell you the reasons why this happened, or where things will go from here, but youve got that little boy growing in you that will need someone strong to look up to in life thats a good example for him. For now that will have to be you because his father is going to gone for a WHILE.
He didnt just do this to you, he did it to your child as well. so remember that when you go to ask him what he was really doing and what he was really thinking when he chose to hit up a hooker. No only did he NOT think of you, or your safety when it comes to deseases, he also didnt think:i could get caught, this would be a betrayel of my girlfriends trust, i have a baby on the way, OR what will this do to our relationship.
So no matter how much he claims to love you, he obviously was NOT putting you at the top of his list or your life together as a family to be. He broke it before it even got to start and now youll have to handle everything on your own, giving birth, bills, doctors visits, your babys first milestones......i dont think i need to keep going here.
In my mind he was being increditbly selfish to put himself in a position to get caught up like this and land himself in jail for such a long period of time. When you talk to him maybe tell him to cut the B.S. and be honest with you about his charges because doing what he says he did, doesnt land someone in jail for years so it would be best now to just stop lying.
good luck and i really hope things turn out for you and your child.
and of course go get yourself tested for like EVERYTHING.
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Hey, so is going to be a bit long, I'm sorry. My ex and I split up about half a year ago and we decided at the time that I would keep our dog Spot because she would be moving in with her dad and he and his wife have like 5 cats. I didn't want any complications so I asked her to give me full custody of her and I would give her visitation rights. Well, after we split up, the break up got really difficult. I gave her more than two months to move out her things and it got to the point where I had to start threatening to throw her stuff out so that she would come get them. We had a lot of arguments after the break up to the point that I don't want anything to do with her anymore because every time she came by to pick up her stuff, which was more than several occasions, she would make things really difficult and hard. I really didn't mind being friends with her then, but her attitude just made it really hard and I've never considered ever beings friends with my exes because of the drama. I'm a bit traumatized by the negative interaction that we had after the break up and I just cannot and do not want to associate with her anymore, but she insists on seeing the dog. The more often she wants to see the dog, the more often I have to see her. I feel like if I already have to deal with her presence and if she wants to be more involved in my dogs life then she's going to have to start paying up the costs to care for a pet. Since we've broken up I've been paying for all of her food and taking care of her. I really don't understand her desire to see Spot at all because when we were together I was still the one that took her out when she needed to be outside, fed her, and gave her baths. Whenever she was home and my dog was in the way she was yell at her and say "Move!"
Why is she so keen on seeing my dog? Every time she visits she only spends 15 minutes outside with her and comes inside my apartment and will sit there for almost an hour.
Recently I told her that she can see the dog, but I don't want her in my apartment anymore. What are my options and what should I do? I've considered giving her my dog as well if she gets the chance to move out of her dads, but I think I'm better suited for my dog because she is a golden chow mix and can be headstrong sometimes. My dog only listens to me and I don't know how Spot will be with her. Since she left, Spots attitude has changed for the better for some reason. She doesn't pull as often as she does on the leash and she listens to me better when I tell her to "leave it" and "lets go", she use to be a bit aggressive with strangers being within visible sight, but now she can walk away from them and I really love it. (link)
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I dont think shes actually there to see the dog, i think shes purposely trying to make your life a living hell and doesnt want to let go of you and by coming to your house to see the dog, she gets to still associate with you and see what youve got going on in your life. She also may secretly not want to break up and doesnt want to admit she eff**ed up with you.
Your RIGHT it doesnt make sense for her to take the dog out for only a few minutes but then spend the bulk of the time shes visiting INSIDE the house. This clearly says something about her intentions, and i think you need to cut ties.
Also if shes coming over to pick up more things, what you could do is offer to haul it ALL (or most of it) to the new location. Act like a gentleman and like your doing it because you still care about her as a person but that this just isnt going to work. This ALSO is a secret for "i want you out of my house asap and im willing to move all your stuff out NOW so that theres no need for you to come back over and over, therefore ill get to see you less. see??
It may look like your being nice but in reality your getting rid of her faster while maintaining your dignity to others, and making her look awful for doing anything but excepting and acting like an adult.
Whos dog is it EXACTLY? because if you bought it together then yeah you may need to just let her have the dog if you really want to cut ALL ties with her. Either that or tell her to start paying up for its care or else she cant see him anymore. who PAID for the dog? if you paid, and your dog is licensed to you then its your dog and no one elses.
this is really a matter of how far your willing to go to get rid of her completely. She may also after a while get tired of visiting the dog and just stop if you say "well im too busy for you to visit the dog at the house as ive had the locks changed now so ill meet you and you can play with the dog outside at a park when its most convienant for both of us.
This will tell you alot if she continues to want to see the dog or not, because while you sit in the car and play on your phone AWAY from her, she has the right to spend time with the dog and you dont have to deal with her until shes done.
If she spends the whole time near YOU with the dog instead then she probably still wants to see whats going on in your life and this isnt really about the dog at all.
Stop letting her come to the house to see the dog. ONLY meet her outside at a park where the dog can play and you can sit somewhere away from her within eye sight so she can spend time with the dog but you dont have to talk to her and see how long she wants to keep doing this.
If she stops wanting to see the dog because it cant be at your house then that means she just wants to be in your house and the dog isnt really why shes there at all.
good luck
; )
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I am 27years old lady,I weigh 36kg and am very worried,I eat eat well but still yet am not fat.Please what can I do to get fat (link)
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why would you want to be fat? Over weight people can have a whole LIST of health problems....
there ARE "weight gainers" for people who feel like they look spindly and want to full out a little more. If thats what your interested in your should check that out, you dont need a prescription for it either.
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You guys are the smart ones and this just poped in my mind so please answer it and don't think I'm stupid if I'm wrong.the question is if you jerk off too much isn't that taking off your chance to have a baby. I personally only do it 3 times a week. (link)
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No it does not, the male body produces more than enough semen throughout your life until you run out of testosterone which wont be anytime soon lol. ; )
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okay so this is so awkward but i am 16 and me and my boyfriend want to have sex but i am scared because sometimes when i cum my vagina smells like fish, i wash it everyday at least once or twice and still nothing, im scared because we have planned it for this saturday but i dont want to smell or taste nasty, and i do not want to go to the doctor about it (link)
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Ok, its actually NOT good for your vaginal bacteria to wash yourself down there multipule times a day, this can throw off your healthy vaginal bacteria and then your body will be trying to over compinsate, producing more or not producing enough and then thats when the bad bacteria can take over causing that smell.
I would try taking some over the counter meds that help balance out the bacteria in there, and not washing multiple times a day.
It shouldnt smell like anything down there and if it does thats a sign something is wrong.
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I know a 15 year old who wants out of his mothers place and live with grandparents. If he were to run way now to grandparents will police force him to go back home in a unstable eenvironment, or will he be able to stay with grandparents happy and safe and very well taken care of?
Fyi I am from Connecticut and I know the laws are different from each state. (link)
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Ok well if you want to help your friend what you can do is look up the child emancipation laws in their state.
Your friend can talk to the grandparents, make sure that its ok for him to stay with them and they they will vouch for him because hes a minor.
His grandparents can also patition the courts for custody of him on their own, if they feel that the living envirnment is unstable but are willing to step up and prove to the court they can provide a stable home and address as well as income enough to cover his needs for basic care.
Your friend can also go to the court house himself or go online and look for the papers for emancipation from his parents, fill it out, and then turn it in saying that he wants to be responsable for himself (even though his grandparents are willing to take care of him its just a legality so that he can break free of his parents) once hes considered legally 18 he can get a job, drive, get credit cards, and with enough money maybe even pay his own bills and get his own place. unless he'd rather still live with his grandparents.
USUALLY minors cannot cross state lines by themselves or with someone else whom his or her parents deem not suitable. In this kind of a situation, his parents CAN bring up charges on that person and get your friend in trouble where he will THEN be dragged back to his parents to have to put up with whatever kind of punishment they feel like giving him. So play that card carefully. Runing away isnt always the answer cause the cops will bring you right back if your a minor.
Emancipation first, proving that your friend lives in an unstable home number two, and getting the grandparents to petition the courts for custody would be number three.
If the grandparents do it, his parents will then at least have the comfort of knowing that hes somewhere safe even if its not at their house, so that would be a good angle to argue that at with his parents.
good luck!
; )
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It's gross, especially when it's overt and/or persistant. I thought a relationship was meant to be between 2 people? Why do some couples try to get other people's attention? I noticed yesterday at the mall. There was this interracial couple all over each other, as we stood in line at this food place, and i'd focus on other things but they'd sometimes look back with this look on their face line they want their relationship to interest people, incite anger or jealousy, etc. it was awkward for me, directly behind them, and others in line. I have no problem with any couple, interracial, gay, lesbian, transgender, one young and one old, etc. I'm happy others can find love and be in relationships. I'm not jealous either, it's just uncomfortable to essentially be viewing foreplay without consent. There were children in line, too. Some people seem to get a sexual thrill out of people seeing their pda and that just seems sick and self centered. It makes me understand why there are countries that ban it. (link)
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Well their point was obviously to try to gain attention here. I personally would have "noticed" that they had slobber all over one of them, just to see what would happen if they stopped or made THEM uncomfortable back. lol.
Theres nothing really you can do with people like this except maybe make loud jokes to embarass them and get the others around you in on it so that they laugh too and the couple will hopefully pick up on this and stop.
public humiliation can really work WELL. ; )
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Hi..i'm from India M/32. I have a girlfriend.we are in a relation since 2010. She is beautiful lovely and very educated.we both wanted to marry.everything was right but 1year ago i came to know that she had an affair in her school days.i asked her and she agreed.she doesn't told me anything about it before i asked! Her ex bf's friend tell me that they had very intimate relation and had sex.when i asked my girl,she denied it and claimed that i am her first man whom she had sex 2times. But i can't trust because when we had sex she doesn't bleed. I can't trust her anymore.she hidden everything about her past.she told me that her past relation was very abusive,her ex tortured her so she breakup,she told me she wanted to tell me but she affaird to lose me.I am in dilemna. I cannot fully trust her now.and everyday we fight with the issue of her past. What to do? Please suggest me. (link)
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Ok number one, just because she didnt bleed the first time you had sex doesnt mean she was lying and wasnt a virgin, some girls hymen can brake or stretch just doing things like bike riding or being athletic. so you really dont know on that one.
secondly, does it really matter now? i mean its all so far in the past and YOU got her now, so even though she did lie if shes sorry i would try to move past it and just ask her to never keep things like this from you ever again and that if she can manage to keep that promise then the two of you will be ok.
it doesnt matter who had the girl before you, YOU got her now and thats what counts in the end. ; )
good luck and talk to her about this, see if shes genuine and feels bad at all or anything like that. if she does it would be best to just forgive and move on. this doesnt have to be that big of a deal if shes really sorry.
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Ok so me and my husband swap partners. but its my first time and his. but here's the twist It's his dad and stepmother were swapping with. Me and her are bisexuals and weve messed around too. But now I think ive got feelings for his dad. Plus we all just did the swap once so far but before that night was planned I had sex with his dad twice beforehand when I was drinking with them. but now me and his dad kiss each other secretly goodbye and makeout and tell each other I love you and I really mean it. And its almost like he's hypmotized me with his gorgeous brown eyes which my husband also does to me. So do I just go along with the swapping like nothing or tell my husband the truth and get divorced and stay out of his dad and stepmoms relationship too. Because he wanted to do this so I had someone to give me attention because he is in to much pain or too busy. so he said to try this out. Please if you comment try to be open minded don't go all religious or be vulgar in your advice thanx!! (link)
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Wow your in a sticky one arent you?
I have to completely agree with dragonfly here.
Not only that but did it HAVE to be your inlaws that you guys picked to do this with?? i mean honestly, they are the LAST people that should be included in the equation here simply because you have to see them for holidays and MANNNN if things went sour because of all of this.....WOOO! that could make things awkward on soooo many levels i dont even know where to begin to start on that one.
I also feel that this is not appropriate i mean to swing with people you dont know or with other friends who are NOT your inlaws is one thing but this just complicates things on so many different levels.
Even if you were and ARE perfectly ok with it. in laws are just a no no. just have to put that out there.
Everything else i totally agree with dragonfly you need to talk with your husband and put a stop to the inlaw mixing asap.
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OK so I'm in high school and I have a best friend(let's call her Donna). Donna and I are super close, see each other several times a week, if not everyday, and I have very little that happens in my life that doesn't involve or isn't influenced by her in some way.
So, whenever I'm talking to people, naturally most(if not all) the stories I tell involve her.
Well, about a year ago now, a close family friend, Amy, came back after a few years of little to no contact(she was really sick so she couldn't come visit). And a couple months ago, I got caught drinking by my parents.
(I know it's not a good thing, and I really don't do it that often and I rarely ever drink enough to feel more than slightly buzzed. It was just this time for some reason it hit me a lot harder than I thought it would..plus where I live it is literally impossible not to be around it)
But anyway, Amy helped me with stuff during that situation, so I started trusting her with things and talking to her a lot more.
But my problem is...I have a problem where I tell a story or say something that happened to someone then stop and think "crap..I probably shouldn't have said that..." then feel terrible after. I wont for peoples deepest secrets or anything people tell me not to tell anyone. But just things that are just common sense that it shouldn't be shared...especially about someone else(meaning Donna as explained above)...
And the thing is, recently Donna told me not to tell Amy certain things, and some specific things we have done and stuff. And half of them I already told her, or at least I wasn't sure if I did or not... And that got me thinking and I've told Amy a lot of things I probably shouldn't of...and I feel terrible... But if I tell Donna that she'll be, well... not pleased.(she's really hot headed and stubborn...)
And if I tell Amy just not to bring any of it up to Donna, I'm worried she might forget and slip up or confront Donna about something I was worried about(the later of which she's done before.)
I don't know...just does anyone know how I could possibly fix this before it becomes a terrible situation and any tips on how to keep myself from doing things like this to myself more...I really try not to but when I'm exited or angry things just...come out and then I think about it and feel bad/worried... (link)
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Oh wow, this is just one of those unfortunate situations where you got too drunk and might have talked to her about some things you could have kept to yourself.
the only thing you can do now is if she does say anything just say her and i were drinking, we got a little too drunk and were BOTH telling each other things and that might have slipped out. the only thing you can do is say you dont remmeber but that you and her were both talking about deep down personal stuff and things that were going on with friends and family to each other and thats how it came out but try to comfort her and let her know that your family friend doesnt care and isnt going to judge you on it if SHE doesnt bring anything up about it.
then tell amy that you dont remember everything you girls talked about while you were both intoxicated but that you'd really love for her to keep those things to herself of course just as she would probably want to you to do if it were her telling YOU something private.
Next time if the two of them ever do meet they'll each know this about each other but never bring it up see? ; )
youll be fine and if it DOES ever come up (which it should if they both arent big mouths) then use the "well i think this one time like forever ago when her and i were drinking and talking about deep down personal things i might have mentioned this or that but its not like she didnt tell me stuff too" and use the card to play that you have which is that shes a close family friend and youve been able to trust her before and that she cares and "isnt like that" just apply the "she isnt like that" to anything the friend might say in rebuttal negative she might have to say about amy.
"she isnt like that" "she wont do that" and "you have nothing to worry about shes cool even though she does have her own issues"
thats the only way i can see you being able to smooth this all over before it turns into something huge and out of control.
good luck ; )
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My dad and my mom have always had a ton of problems in their marriage. He's an addict and has never been a good father to all 4 of us kids. He's barley even acknowledged that were his. He lives in our house but he's just a stranger to me. He and my mom have gotten into horrible screaming fights and he's even gotten physical before. He's tried to choke her many times. Just today he threw her across the room and threatend " if you ever take me to court or try to get a divorce I will crush you and kill you". He's also bipolar and has anger issues which is why I'm terrified that he will just snap one day and get angry enough to kill her. He also said that if she tried for a divorce he would fight her 10x harder and win custody. I'm not sure what to do or what my mom should do. Even if she gets a restraining order or a divorce there is no doubt in my mind that he will find her and kill her or at the very least hurt her badly. All I want in life is to get away from him and for my mom to too. But I just don't think that's ever ganna be a possibility. Any advice would be appreciated at this point. Thank you (link)
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Ok that is absolutely domestic violence and its up to you to pick up the phone and call the police NOW. Do not wait, tell them what happened and end this.
You dad may be able to try to win custody but he wont i can promise you that right now. If hes bipolar, abusive, and does not have a suitable place to keep four kids then theres nooooo way in hell he will be awarded custody of any of you.
Your mom will win, youll be placed with family or someone else who can take care of you until your mom is ok and theyve checked her out, and the police may even move you all to a "safe location" that he doesnt know about where youll have an unlisted address and phone number so no one can find you unless you tell him or someone he knows about where you are. So dont take what your father says as a reason to NOT do it.
There are plenty of programs in place for victims and family members of victims to hide and get away if need be.
i dont know what state your in but theres places that will house, feed, and help you all secretly get away. Here in san diego cal. where im from theres a place called "beckys place" its a secure location for women and their familys to stay at AFTER the cops have stopped being involved and does everything they can to help your mother start over with you guys WITHOUT your fathers interference.
so just CALL NOW ok. Your mom isnt strong enough to leave him obviously so you need to take the first step for her. she will thank you for it later.
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Okay before I start this topic I just want to put a DISCLAIMER noting that this will be completely one sided and biased because it is specifically coming from my perspective (as a 23 year old woman). I know there are many sides to this issue and I won't be covering them on purpose because I am asking for advice for myself specifically.
What I have been struggling with lately is something that I know is technically a personal choice and decision, but I am so torn down the middle that I would just like some outside input.
Men, women, anyone can answer. What I am struggling with is the idea of cheating. Specifically men cheating on their wives, girlfriends. I know women cheat too. And I know there are men who do not cheat. But statistically cheating for men is the rule not the exception.
There was a psychologist who wrote a book about how cheating is so absolutely natural to men because of evolutionary purposes and what is actually ruining relationships is the expectation that a man will be capable of having sex with only one woman most of his life. He says that men desiring other women sexually doesn't mean they don't love their partner, and that it is only lust and physical. He argues marriages shouldn't be sexually restrictive and they would be more successful.
Being a person who sees things from all perspectives I understand this point, and in theory I thought I would be able to accept a relationship like this, however, Ive realized that I cannot.
This is an issue now because I met and fell in love with a man who I think is one of my soul mates, he is perfect for me in every way, however, he has been honest and straightforward with me that he doesn't think he can control his lust. He's told me he doesn't want to hurt me, and maybe for a while he can be faithful but eventually he is afraid he won't be able to resist. (the truth is that extremely attractive girls really do literally throw themselves at him). He tells me that he is in love with me and will always want me, the rest is just lust, but he knows eventually it will show up.
So basically I have the decision to make if I want to be with him or not, knowing this. He is not saying that he will go out actively looking to sleep with other people, but he did warn me that he doesn't know if he will be able to stay loyal forever and his biggest fear is hurting me.
I cannot decide. Theoretically it makes sense the whole lust thing. And maybe not in the beginning when love is passionate and strong, but what about later on? I get it. I really do think most people end up wanting to cheat. I want to be able to accept it. But then, I think of him sleeping with other girls and I cannot take it. I know that if I decide to be with him I will only want him, I am very loyal sexually once I like someones energy I only want theirs, so it is really hard for me to be ok with this. But that means losing him and he really is one of the most amazing people I've ever met. I know I am young but this connection with him is something actually out of story books.
So what do you think? cheating can be ok? never ok? I don't know what to do if I should choose to be with him knowing the risk or try to forget about him romantically and just stay friends. We are also best friends so he will always be in my life. That makes things much harder. Help??
Thank you in advance :) (link)
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I agree with razhie here, A relationship is a living thing thats ever changing because people change and the goal is to grow TOGETHER and WANT to be with each other because that person makes you want to be better and they mean alot to you.
I also do NOT and will NEVER believe that a guy is not capable of controlling himself sexually, he just doesnt want to. Its sounds like hes saying that hes willing to let you be his side piece because hes cared about you for so long but that he has to have the right to screw other women should the opportunity present itself.
I've been with my husband for 13 years and we've had every discussion know to man about relationship boundaries and rules. Its perfectly normal for a man to look but not touch just as it is for a woman, but i feel your being shorted by him basically lowering you on the totem pole by not being faithful. thats just my opinion though.
If you were already together for a while and then both decided that you would be ok with being with other people yet still being together then that would be fine, but since you are younger and things might not be that serious yet, (alot of young guys anyway) usually want to keep their "options open" if you know what i mean here....
So in effect he can "better deal" you should another girl come along thats better then you in his eyes and technically it wouldnt be wrong because "you agreed to it all" from the start.
To me the fact that you so unsure as to come on here and ask us all says to me that your NOT ok with with it and your just not sure how to tell him because you care for him so much.
A low sense of self esteem could also be at the root of this as well. you might want to make sure this isnt part of that too because if it is then your in for even more hurt down the road once youve agreed to all this with him and then he actually goes and DOES it.
If it were me i would not pursue anything with him beyond friendship until he could see that i deserve a one guy one girl kinda thing. Your a queen and should be treated as such, not a side piece where hes allowed to go after any females he pleases, or allow himself to fall victim to any of them pursing him.
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I broke up with my boyfriend on friday because im dealing with stuff in my life soo on monday my ex looked happy and stuff and later on when i went home my friend grabbed my phone and texted him saying i want to get back together and tht i regret breaking up with him and i told him tht that was my friend who sended that soo the next day he looked sad and depressed and wasint talking to no one at all so then my friend gabby told me he looked like he was crying also whenever i passed by him he would stare or look at me soo later on we were in pe my friend told me to talk to him soo she called him up and thats when she both sat us down i told him tht i been dealing with stuff and tht the reason tht i told him was not tht reason and also i told him i dont want him worrying about me soo thats when he said areint boyfriends suppose to worry and also he was saying how he recieved a text and thts when i told him tht wasint me and tht when he said ok but even if it was u i would have said no and i moved on already And he said that i told him he wasint a good boyfriend and tht he also said why waste his
time agian for a second time and how in the first place i shouldint have done it but i was confused and now i want him back do i really move on? (link)
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Yup, i agree with dragonfly here, First off your in school still and a bulk of time thats not used for study is also testing the waters of what relationships are right now. Theres a huge chance that neither of you really know what you want and by "dating" your figuring out slowly what you DO want in a mate over time.
He may just be really upset and your friend noticed and is trying to help you guys work things out which is sweet of her but thats not always the best answer. Maybe though your boyfriend is OK with worrying about you. If he wants to do that then let him. Thats not really a reason to brake up with someone. Maybe just being able to be with you even if he does worry is enough for him. He sounds very kind in that case and like maybe it would be worth working through with him.
i dont think your friend should have messaged him though that was crossing a boundary because it fooled him into thinking things could be ok again.
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I have a friend and we went out together several times but he has not asked me for relationship yet and im confused!:( hes a quiet and shy boy but we are friends for 2 months now
Im not sure if i should expect a relationship or not.....
I didnt go out with any other boy this 2 months
Im not american. Im a 20-year old girl (link)
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ok, well for HIM 2 months into things could be way too soon still. I would give him some time. Most lasting relationships can TAKE the wait, so if you really like each other theres no need to rush into things. Let the love grow slowly on its own because its not always "love at first sight" he might be scared still and really like you but just not ready or know how to go about it yet.
All you can do is continue to be nice, see him, show him that your still interested until he does something to show you that hes not invested in you and then see what happens. This is the reality of human relationships. we dont all move at the same speed, so maybe just slow your horses a little there. ; )
good luck.
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Guys T-T I filed this under Abusive Relationships because I feel so tormented.
I have a bestfriend, and I love him, he always says he loves me back. We've been bestfriends for nine years. Then she came along.
This girl, gods! This girl became his girlfriend for only two months. All he talks about is her. I have access to his facebook, and all I see is, "I only love you and no one else" That's not all.
Everytime we ride the jeepney, it's a public transpo vehicle, I always get dizzy so I rest my head on his shoulder. But now, this girl gets MY shoulder. It's supposed to be MINE! T-T Now, I cant even ride the jeepney without holding my stomach and getting teary eyed.
We were enrolling for school. It was a respected school and it was my dream to go there. Suddenly, they started kissing and doing PDA. I get it already! they love each other! But not here! Gods!
We were kicked out...
I cant stand them T-T I dont want to leave him though... What can I do? Please help me! T-T (link)
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Well it sounds like youve been friend zoned hunny. sorry but its true.
He was probably only saying he loved you back too because he thought you thought it was some sort of cute whimsical thing to do but he wasnt about to date you and now youve discovered that the hard way.
The reality of it is, is that hes with someone ELSE and not you. this is a reflection of how he see's you because if he looked at you the same way you see him, you'd be together already after all this time and your not.
Hes moving on with his life and its with this girl you hate. im so sorry but thats the truth of it. The best thing you can do for right now is to leave him to her and maybe if they break up you can make your feelings known for him.
Other then that you sound like you could be a little possessive over your friend and it sounds like you think hes a piece of property and not a person. This will come back to bit you in the butt (kinda like it is now because of the feelings your having) and it will hurt.
just back away slowly, and let him live his life with this girl and maybe ask him not to talk to you about her or their problems because it stresses you out when you know hes so unhappy and could do better then her. this shows both concern for your health and his well being.
that could get him to stop talking about her.
good luck.
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So this lady in my apartment we talk sometime I've known her for a while now but haven't really talk to her but one day I had the guts to talk to her so lately we have been talking so one day I went up to her got her number 2days ago called her up at around 6 she didn't pick up her phone but about 20 minutes later she called 2 left a message 2 yesterday when she called back I was too busy to called back so today at around 7 called 1 but she didn't pick the phone my thinking was no big deal cause I see her around in the apartment but my question is was it too soon to call back or was it just rigth (link)
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I have to be honest here and say that it can really complicate things to get mixed up with your neighbors when living in close quarters. If something should happen and the two of you end up NOT being friends, things could get REALLY awkward fast.
Social norms are different when you are a neighbor so you will need to really get to know each others boundaries. I dont think it was too soon to call back no but please be aware that if things go bad that things could go REALLYYYY bad and you'd be stuck having to live next door to her until you or her choose to move. ((just something to consider))
ive lived in the same 8 unit apartment complex for the passed 5 years and the people here mostly just keep to themselves for some reason. No one really talks with each other besides a "hello" or "how ya doin?" unless its absolutely needed.
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Why does the boys sperm slides back down when i have intercourse n my hymen is broken but everytime we have sex it hurts when he go deep why ??? I need to know asap im worried because i try to get pregnant (link)
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well because the vagina is naturally slanted so if you sit up or move then yes stuff will come out but dont assume its all semen, it could also be your own natural fluids that were trying to lubricate.
Also it might be hurting when his penis goes in deep because your vagina isnt lubed enough and/or his penis is hitting the back wall because hes big and your body hasnt had time to adjust. This means that he needs to go slower and go deeper little by little, not just go barreling into you. Also BUY SOME LUBE even cheap water based lube WILL make the difference.
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