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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
I am a storm chaser and I'm becoming increasingly surprised, disappointed, and disturbed at how poorly my hometown is prepared for bad weather. I don't know if I'm being dramatic or not, but either way, we have a problem and I don't know how to fix it.
Our town does not use tornado sirens. We have them, but they're never used because the city feels they cause more harm than good, which I completely disagree with. In the past, when they'd go off, it would cause a panic, which would sometimes cause people to do stupid things, like get into car accidents and things like that. Although I understand why they quit using tornado sirens, I don't agree with the decision to do so at all. I mean first off, the whole car accident thing was rare and could be prevented if people were just better educated on tornado safety. People who are already on the road are one thing, but people who aren't need to know better than to get in their cars and try to go anywhere anyway. Even if the car accident thing doesn't improve, the lack of tornado sirens seems to be more problematic.
There was a tornado in town this past Thursday. It
damaged some houses and a golf course, but LUCKILY it didn't cause any injuries that I know of or deaths. Long story short, I wasn't working on Thursday and was home watching the weather channel all afternoon. There were thunderstorms that came and went all day and we were under a tornado watch, but a tornado touching down was never reported. It should have been. There's no way in heck that NO ONE saw that thing because It was in the middle of town. If tornado sirens were still in use, they'd have probably gone off and given people enough of a warning to get to safety. Instead. most people like me didn't even know it'd happened until it was over. I found out when I was driving by that part of town and saw the damage. What REALLY scares me is that the tornado hit very close to where my mom works and SHE didn't know about it until it was over as well. I also don't know how my town expects people who are asleep or somewhere away from a TV or radio to get the message if a tornado hits.
In addition to that, a terrible, terrible accident happened Friday night. That was the night that seniors from the town's high school had their graduation ceremony. After said ceremony, one senior, her parents, and her brother went to the airport to get on her dad's bonanza and fly out of town for a wedding on Saturday. For some reason, her brother actually stayed behind. He went to the airport to see them off, but relatives were going to keep him while his family was gone. There was a bad thunderstorm Friday night that her dad should have known he couldn't fly in. He tried it anyway, their plane crashed and burned, and there were, of course, no survivors. Not two hours after an 18 year old honors student, who was extremely excited about her very bright future, walked across stage and got her diploma, she was dead due to severe weather circumstances that her dad badly mishandled. Her brother is now an orphan and an only child and I can't say for sure, but I think he very well may have seen his family's plane crash.
Almost a month ago, a man from my city (although he moved away a while back) died in a flash flood. His city was flooding and while on his way to work, his car somehow ended up in a creek. They think his vision was obscured due to the storm and he couldn't see the water in from of him, so he drowned and made his wife a widow and his two small children fatherless. Oh yeah, and this happened to his wife TWO DAYS before Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day, right?
I guess what I want is better awareness of the proper safety procedures to follow during such bad storms. I want tornado sirens back in use, and I want some kind of measure taken to prevent planes from being able to take off during storms. My question is, how do I get it done? Who do I talk to? Please help me if you can. I'm legitimately worried about the safety of my friends, relatives, and others in this town, but I don't know exactly how to help. Any ideas?
The Answer
Your best bet is probably to start having conversations with your local representatives. A letter of introduction, followed up by a request to meet (especially with anyone who is interested) is a good way to begin. Also, you don't want to be too focused on particular solutions, but be open to learning about the local history of the debate in government, and what current feelings and priorities are when it comes to this sort of safety.
Tornado sirens can be rendered ineffective if used inappropriately or excessively (and they often are programmed poorly or governed by out-of-date policies) so there is definitely going to be a lot of education you need to do for yourself, and for your local representatives to teach them how you can make that system actually work for the community.
You may also want to look into state or federal agencies that can offer material or advice for your local community.
It may not be possible to regulate away a stupid person choosing to fly, or boat, or drive their own private vehicle during bad weather, but before you decide what ought to be done, speak to your local representatives about what the current situation is, and find out what is doable at each level of government. Find some locals who share your concerns, then investigate possible solutions together.
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The Question
So a few days ago I had a really bad cold, had been taking several different cold medicines throughout the day, hadn't eaten much and was tired. It was evening, a close friend of mine was going to come over after she was finished at an event later so we could watch some T.V, drink and just bullshit around a bit and take the edge off.
I don't drink very often, and normally don't drink a lot, but I decided to drink a little before she got there, I had two of those little UV vodka shot things you get for like a dollar at a convenience store, and about the equivalent of maybe a shot or two of Spiced Rum mixed with some soda in about an hour.
Which normally with that much, I'd maybe be a bit tipsy, but no where near plastered or actually 'drunk'. But for some reason it hit me really hard. I remember getting up for water and stumbling a bit, and my eyes would not focus. Besides the fact it just felt strange, not a normal drunk.
I fell asleep, and when my friend got there and I woke up, I was a little better but still felt it greatly, and we started playing a little drinking game and just talking, not doing much. And after a little bit, even though I hadn't had much more maybe a couple shots worth at most over another 2 or 3 hours, it was just as bad if not worse than before.
The next day, she told me I could barely walk, was incoherent part of the time and all around couldn't handle myself until I fell asleep, which if I had drank a lot more, I wouldn't be concerned but normally that much, as I said earlier, would get me a bit tipsy, not plastered like I was that night. I'm not the best at handling myself drunk either, but I normally can a bit better than that too. And besides the fact that it was just strange, I remember most of it and I don't remember feeling that drunk, mentally at least.
I don't know if being sick, or not eating or what could of been the reason for that, but I've drank before both on an empty stomach and when I was sick before and that never happened... I don't know, let me know what you guys think.
The Answer
Well yeah. That's a thing that can happen when you mix cold medicine with alcohol. It might not always happen, but you piled on a whole bunch of shit on to your already weak body. Your body couldn't take it.
Don't do that. It's kind of dangerous. I had a friend fall out of bed, split her chin open, then crawl back into bed and sleep for another 3 hours because she mixed booze and meds and was too out of it to respond properly to the fact she was bleeding.
So yeah. This is sort of thing that happens when you put a bunch of shit into your body that is designed to fuck with the way your brain works, and you were sick, and your were starving... It's not quite the same feeling as being drunk, but it's not fun, or safe. Don't do that.
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The Question
(Homosexual dating)
I've been talking to this girl I met online since last week. I never met anyone online or that held my interest until I met her, I have many women like my profile yet she stood out the most. Online dating is new to me, I perfer to meet women offline but I haven't gotten any luck with that and I hardly go out. Anyways, I wasn't sure what to write to her. I just said "Hello, How are you doing?" I just thought hey give it a shot. And suddenly after introducing ourselves and tell her that I never dated a women before it's my first time. We started flirting and teasing one another to the point that we began sexting each other.
She seem very interested in me yet I felt like I was being used because how quickly we both went into sex without even getting to really know each other only reading each others profile.
I don't know if we will be a good match because we have our differences however so far she was the one that made the first move and asked me why I am intrested in her.
Two days ago I hardly talked to her I couldn't get her off my mind but I was waiting for her make the move. I thought she disappeared or was avoiding me.
It bugged me because I been lead on too many times that I am done with playing the game. I'm going to be honest and bold show people who I really am and don't hold back because I had my heart broken many times.
I never really talk about sexual things to anyone so easily if they weren't interested. I'm blunt so excuse me if I offend you.
and she said
Dear i am sorry if i upset you honesty. I didn't mean to offend you, I really enjoy chatting with you and getting to know you. I was not playing...so much...I guess thats how I am.
This week was super busy with work and commuting. So i have not been chatty so much. I apologize I would never want to hurt your feelings. I loved starting to get to know you and also had alot of fun flirting with you. I hope you don't mind that."
I told her I really appreciate her honesty and i enjoy our conversations too and hope to continue them. I told she can contact me anytime.
She complimented me saying that I am sweet and cool. I told her it'll give me time to adjust to talking to her cause I thought she was playing me but now i just want to take this civil and friendly to hopefully something.
I'm wondering do you think she's still interested?
The Answer
Maybe. We can't know anymore than you do.
The bigger question is, why haven't you taken this to the next level? Spoken on the phone, or video chatted, or met in person.
It's much, MUCH easier to judge a person's intentions when you are speaking to them face to face. Frankly, it's impossible to really get to know someone, if you are only communicating via email or text.
If what you are looking for is a real friendship, with a real possibility for a real relationship, then you need to go after that with a real person. A person who will talk to you face to face. And meet you. Not a person who is nothing more than a few photos and words on a screen.
Don't want to be lead on anymore? Then stop being a follower. Speak up for the kind of relationship you want, with the people you want relationships with.
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The Question
Let me preface by saying that I am 22 year old woman who, prior to online dating, had never been in a relationship or had any kind of sexual contact whatsoever.
Quite some time ago, I started up a profile on OkCupid and got messaged mostly by a load of duds. Eventually I hit it off with a 36-year-old psychology professor. He was a fascinating, unconventional man whose conversations really intrigued me. We went on a coffee date and fooled around in his car afterwards, but we didn't end up having sex. Though he wasn't interested in a longterm dynamic with me (he was in a nonmonogamous relationship with someone else), I found him to be respectful and caring...... he showed genuine interest in me as a person. When I told him that I was a virgin, he was very concerned with respecting my personal boundaries and making me feel safe. It was a very enjoyable evening.
But then after that first date, something terrible happened. I began struggling with severe panic attacks and couldn't leave the house without collapsing. Over the next couple months, we had a couple rounds of phone sex and continued texting (and sexting) on a weekly basis.
I kept telling him that I was on the brink of recovery, but ultimately I came to find that my healing was going to take a lot longer than I hoped. I explained to him that I just didn't think it was a good idea for us to have sex while I was in this condition, and we left it at that.
That conversation happened over 6 months ago. Since then, I've moved to NYC and enrolled in school. I finally pulled myself together and am ready to get back into dating world again. I feel disappointed that our interaction was never consummated..... I'm back home on vacation for another 3-4 months and, now that I'm in a better place, would love to pick up where we left off. What would be the best way to go about reconnecting?
The Answer
If you are truly at peace with the limits of what he was offering (in light of his non-monogamous, primary relationship), then you should certainly call him up and ask to reconnect.
I'm afraid there is no real script I can offer you. My best advice is to remember that he is a complete human being as well, and as six months has changed a lot in your world, it may have also changed a lot in his. If you reach out in hopes of 'picking up where you left off' you set yourself up for disappointment. Instead, reach out in genuine friendship to find out where his life is and share where yours is at. If both of you are in a place where you can entertain a sexual relationship - great! - but be prepared for the fact that might not be the case.
It may not seem as exciting as you'd like, but the truth is you DID have a hell of an adventure. An adventure of self-discovery may not seem as cool as a adventure of sexy-times with an older man, but you got the adventure you needed. Be proud and grateful for what you did, and have.
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The Question
like if youre making say a youtube channel for helping people with depression and other mental illnesses, can you make money off it? ive heard of some people talking about it, but im not sure. if you can, can you post on your answer a few legit articles/posts from websites about it? thank you soooo much.
The Answer
There are people who make a significant amount of money from being YouTube partner, but it's probably not their sole source of income, and you have to be invited into that program. Like any form of 'celebrity' it's far from a sure thing.
Don't trust anyone who says they can make it happen for you. Don't buy any product that says it can get you views or income from it. There are way, way more scammers than legitimate advice on this.
You don't need to go reading through all that advice tho. If it's something you want to do, the FIRST step is make interesting videos. Until you are already doing that, none of the rest of the advice is gonna help you. Youtube wont give a rats ass about you until you are already getting views. So content first. Decide what you want to DO and BE on Youtube, then set out to be that. Once you get some traction, then you can worry about monetizing it.
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The Question
Dog walker, dog groomer, dog sitter and dog trainer in the city in the USA?
I've tried looking it up, but could never get what I was looking for.
Any help, please and thank you.
The Answer
It's not really possible to answer this very clearly.
Dog walkers and dog sitters are generally freelancers, and many would not charge an 'hourly' but charge a fee for service. Dog groomers would often be employees of salons or kennels, so they would need to be making at least the states minimum wage or be salaried, but besides that, it's difficult to say with much accuracy. The wages they received would likely to have a great deal to with the scale and luxury factors of their particular service.
Fundamentally however, these jobs likely pay more than minimum wage, but not significantly more, without much room for growth in terms of your paycheque.
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The Question
My friends did the challenge but we didn't know we had to say charlie charlie can we stop? before we could stop playing! Are we all going to be haunted until we die or just the person who first asked to summon the demon?
SCARED PLEASE HELP!
The Answer
Not real.
The Charlie Charlie Challenge is just gravity. There is nothing supernatural or demonic about it.
Try doing the same thing with pencils without any incantation or even writing anything out - the pencils will still move! We just assume it has something to do with spirits because humans are stupid like that. We always want to 'blame' something when we see something we don't understand. So someone made up this demon Charlie to explain a perfectly natural thing that happens, just like ancient people made up a chariot of gold that dragged the sun across the sky because they didn't understand the perfectly natural way the sun burns and the earth revolves around it...
When you tell yourself silly stories like this, you are putting your brain into a state where it is extra suggestible and fearful. In effect, it becomes real only because you believe in it. If anything creepy starts happening - it's only because you expect it too and and are taking special notice of it. You didn't summon a demon. You just told yourself a scary story and now you are scared. When you stop believing the scary story, you will stop being scared.
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The Question
People have been making a joke of it, saying that they think it's pointless of him to do it, because no man will find him sexually attractive at 65, despite him saying he's attracted to women, and people still being able to have love lives in their 60s. I find it offensive because people are basically saying the whole point of having a vagina is to be found sexually attractive by a man, and get fucked by a penis, when it's only a possibility, not something that needs to happen in order to justify having that organ. A sex change is a sex change. He can afford the best medical care, so people shouldn't see it differently for him to have one at 65 than if he had it at say, 20.
The Answer
People they are assholes.
People who think that are assholes.
For exactly the reasons you describe: Being a woman isn't just about being sexually available and of interest to men. Simple as that. People who don't - or refuse too - understand that a person's gender may mean far more to them then that, are either idiots, or assholes.
It's tempting to make it more complicated than that, but just it's not complicated.
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The Question
I have started meditating, but it does not feel like I have selective hearing and my senses are so much higher than the average human's. It is very hard to cope with, I can only relate this to a lesser version of the Daredevil's senses. Do any of you have any advice on how I can manage my senses, please?
The Answer
Keep talking to the doctor who is prescribing your medication.
Some medications do have side effects, and maybe you haven't found the right one for you, but the very, VERY best person to advise you right now is your doctor. We don't know what you are going through, or what factors there are to consider, so if you are experiencing anything uncomfortable at all or have any questions, speak to your doctor.
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The Question
Im 20 and a female, i will be using letters (v) and (k) for the guys
this guy (v) i been talking to is all that i could ask for he's the man of my dreams i could say but we haven't gotten to love, but i like him a lot.
the story twist around now
i was talking to this other guy (k) before (v), and (k) was a cool man but he started to get super crazy controlling and assumed i was having sex with other people, the crazy thing about that is, me and (k) haven't had sex haven't kissed let alone we haven't even said we were together like boyfriend girlfriend.
me being 20 i gave him a chance
so i meet (v) around the time where i told (k) we can no longer talk but (k) is now extremely cray like saying he's going to shot up my house and spit on me if he see me on the streets..
so I'm no with (v)
and (k) describes what I'm wearing and what i did during the day he even knew when my cousin got suspended from school… this is so crazy he won't leave me alone he sends me text saying he loves me then say he hope i die and i got sick of it one day i got my gun and told him to grant his threat n come shoot up my house i was waiting he called back said he was playing… so it died down he say he loves me and wyd babe i don't reply but I'm still kinda scared to let this slip away
i told (v)
like any man would do he said if he sees him he's go beat his a@&
but i want to know should i wait or do something quick
The Answer
The moment anything else happens, you call the police on a non-emergency line, and report what K is doing. He is stalking you, harassing you, and threatening your life.
If it's died down now, fine, but if he is still contacting you with his fake niceness, then it's not really done yet.
No fooling here hun. The next creepy thing he does, you call the cops. You keep calling them and reporting each new terrifying crazy thing K does until they take you seriously. You also tell your friends, family, school and co-workers a bit about what K is doing, so they know not to support his crazy or talk to him about you.
You keep yourself safe by refusing to be ashamed - you haven't done anything wrong! Keep yourself sane by placing ALL the blame exactly where it belongs: On K. There is no excuse at all for what he is doing, so don't let yourself make any excuses. Start treating this like what it is - criminal harassment.
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The Question
Hi I'm a 31 year old male, and about 6 months ago I ended a 4 year relationship, And about 6 weeks ago I met another young lady, thing is with my last relationship, we had the biggest connection ever, Like we were inseparable... And with the new girl, she's attractive, have a nice career... but it's too demanding, and some days we barely talk, she goes to bed to early, we mainly communicate via text message, because we live in two separate states, so when we do communicate, it's always so many time lapse between texts, and I like her, but she bores me, are conversations never have any real foundation, and she's just seems too busy for a relationship... Yet she makes the effort to text message me daily, multiple times a day, Were barely together, because like I said her career is way to demanding, and she travels a lot... But for some reason, I've been trying my best to hold on, and make it better... but everyday is the same... I mean I love advice from ppl who have no attachment to me whatsoever, it's more honest that way... What should I do? I want to remain the good guy here
The Answer
Do you want to be the good guy, or do you want to be in a relationship that makes you happy.
Doesn't sounds like this relationship is working for you. That doesn't mean she's bad or wrong - don't try to make her the 'bad guy' just because you wanna be the 'good guy'. It just means that what she wants and needs from a relationship may be different than what you want and need.
You need to man up and own your own feelings here. She doesn't 'make you' feel lonely. You are lonely. You should fix that. Maybe fixing that means not being a in relationship with her. If you need to move on from this relationship, do that honestly and clearly. In your lame attempts to be a 'good guy' you may end up acting like a selfish jerk. Don't be a jackass who invents reason to hate this woman just cause she isn't the woman you want to be with - be selfish in a smart way. Decide what you want, and try your best to go get it. If that doesn't include being in a relationship with her, then end it clearly and respectfully.
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The Question
I am scared to report c porn because i am afraid they will blame me. i don't know why. please report these sites for me?
(link removed after being reported)
(link removed after being reported)
(link removed after being reported)
(link removed after being reported)
please help me and report sites above!
all i searched for 2was teen! OMG! i m a girl!
The Answer
If you are an American, you can report it here. There is no risk to you to make a report. No one cares who you are. Really. They don't give a shit.
http://www.missingkids.com/cybertipline/
Here is the important thing to recognize however: Although this was very uncomfortable for you to see, it is not unusual, and law enforcement tends to focus their efforts on very young children - 14 and under really - because those children are in the greatest danger when they are forced to participate in pornography.
Older teenagers - who are often willingly participating in pornography - are generally not a focus of law enforcement efforts. By all means you can still report images of older teenagers, but those usually aren't the cases that cause the greatest concern. Also, many legal adults are called 'teens' even though they are plenty old enough to be participating in porn legally - it's a sales pitch, not the truth about their ages.
Finally, I think you may be a bit confused. One of the pages you posted is a group of photos of Amanda Tate. She's a 24 year old porn star. Those pictures aren't child porn by any definition. What she is doing is perfectly legal. Some of the other links involved here are likely porn that was created within the bounds of the law. You may be too young to see those photos and/or not want to see them, but porn itself is not always illegal. Porn featuring consenting adults is allowed to exist, and be online, but it is supposed to be clearly labeled and easy for young people like yourself to avoid.
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The Question
I am in amazing relationship, one that I've always wanted and dreamed of. Both of us are in our 30's, were were married before to other people and now both divorced, but head over heels in love with each other. There is one problem, he cannot get over my dating past. Before meeting him, I was in two long term relationships ( marriage and one for 6 yrs) and then became single and dated for two years. I met him before he even had the chance to date again, we hit it off immediately and fell in love over time. He said he loves how sexual I am, but hates my past, his resolution is to 1) swing with him and let him have sex with someone in front of me, or 2) participate in a 3 some and let him do his thing in front of me. This kills me, and I don't want to. I love him sooo much and if I saw this it will hurt so bad. My past means nothing to me, but he doesn't get it, because he didn't get to date after his marriage with his HS sweetheart. Instead he went on a date with me and we have been together for almost a year and we live together. He has given me this ultimatum to continue with our relationship. I don't know if I can do this, I wish I could move out and let him try the single life he says he missed out on, but I am afraid of losing him and I don't want something to happen, but I'm tired of being ridiculed. I want him to see me for who I am today and what I offer, not my past. Please help! Should I put my feelings aside and take the torture of seeing him have sex with someone or should I get out of his life and let him do his thing and pray he wants me back. 30 ish female.
The Answer
He's an ass who is trying to control and manipulate you into sexual encounters you do not want.
He thinks you owe him sex. He thinks you owe him a certain kind of sex. Doesn't matter what else might seem so good about him. Once someone feels you OWE them shit like that, they are a dangerous person to be around.
Let him go. If he is so unhappy with HIS OWN CHOICES then he needs to go off into the world and make the choices he wants, with people who also want those things. If he feels he missed out on so much that he is willing to toss your relationship away - let him do that. It will hurt to watch him walk away, but it'll hurt more to let him keep holding you hostage with his bullying and shaming over your past. This is not a man who is simply asking for what he wants, this is a man who is willing to attack you and your life choices in the attempt to bully you into submission.
Do not torture yourself for this stupid, selfish, temper-tantrum throwing child. He is BLAMING you for his dissatisfaction with his own life. Tell him to man up and make his choice. He CANNOT continue to bully and blame you because he's not happy. If he's not happy, he needs to go deal with that and stop judging and torturing you. That are perfectly valid ways to discuss your desire for other people with your partner - but holding your partner's past over their head is NOT one of them.
Maybe you'll be around when he's done being an ass. Maybe you wont. That's the risk he is taking when he buggers off. In the meantime, you go look for someone who is mature enough to be in a real relationship with an actual adult person. You deserve better than a hostage negotiation with a dissatisfied little boy.
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The Question
Hello, I'm a 15 year old girl so obviously I'm starting to explore my attraction boys (and girls) at this point in my life, but I need a bit of advice on a few questions that I have. So this first question could just be the effect of growing up with a father who's kind of racist, but I'm going to ask anyway: I'm a Caucasian girl, so is it strange for me to prefer people of other races over other white boys? I know that the not-so-playful teasing would be endless if I ever brought anything other than a Caucasian boy home. My second question: Is it unusual for me to like more than one person at a time? I'm not attracted to ALL the people at my school obviously, but is it strange to have 4 or 5 boys/girls that I would consider dating instead of being set on one or two people? Thanks a bunch!
The Answer
It's not strange - but here's the thing you need to be careful of, just like people who say they only like date people of their own race, people who only like to date people of other races, in both situations there is likely some racial bias and stereotypes at play.
If you find yourself saying "I like to date THIS RACE men, because THIS RACE does X." or even "I don't like white boys cause all white boys are Y." That's racism. You might think it's a compliment, or even feel it's true, but it's stereotyping and seeing a person's race first, and them as a individual second, and that's never cool. It's okay to be attracted to whatever attracts you, but you have to be on guard against your own biases.
It's fine to have feelings about a bunch of people. You are really young. You SHOULD be looking around at a bunch of different people and considering what attracts you to each.
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The Question
If a guy gets a girl pregent n then waits for 24 hours to have sex again n cums in the girl can the same guy sperm kill the other sperm
The Answer
No.
Sperm doesn't attack or kill other sperm, not ever. That's not what is knows how to do.
You may sometimes hear the phrase "sperm competition" which refers to how some other animals reproductive organs are designed to increases the male's chance of being the one that impregnates the female. However, there is not much evidence that happens at all in humans, and even if it did, it has nothing at all do with sperm killing other sperm, it has to do with how the penis is built.
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The Question
theres this guy, we met at a party but we connected and had a heart to heart we had been texting all week. he started calling me babe and complimenting me. telling me i was the only girl he talked to and that he wants to hang with me again. but when i asked him if were were "talking" he told me he doesnt do relationships. and his reasoning was. (he doesnt like being hurt and he doesnt like drama) should i even try to continue to flirt or should i just consider friends? i honestly started to like him. and ive been hurt so much i know his pain
The Answer
A guy who tells you he doesn't like drama, usually that is code for he doesn't want to deal with a human being. He doesn't want a girlfriend, or even a friend. He rather a house pet. Something who never talks back or has expectations or demands, or a perspective on life, and has nice low IQ.
I always stay away from guys who say "No Drama". In my experience, it means they aren't prepared to be respectful and kind. They think it's just soooo much hard work to be decent or considerate of other people. Bleh.
If you really want to be friends, go ahead and be friends, but remember that no wanting to 'do relationships' isn't about getting hurt. Everyone gets hurt. A lot. That's normal, humanness. A guy who 'doesn't want drama', or 'doesn't want a relationship', doesn't actually want you - not as a fellow human being.
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The Question
I recently asked the question about whether or not I should wait for my boyfriend who was involved in a prostitution sting...I should have been more specific. It was a child prostitution sting, that's why he's looking at up to 7 years in prison. The ad says 19 year old girl & then when the "john" gets there they make little hints insinuating that she's actually underage. I'm not sure about all the details, & it makes me sick so id rather not know. I've had more time to think about it and obviously I didn't know the real him, only who he pretended to be. I have to move on. But the second question that's been bothering me is should I put him on the birth certificate? I want my son to have my last name for sure. But if this really is the sort of evil person he is I don't think I want him to be an influence on his life. And I know if he wanted rights he could fight for them later on, but I doubt he would get much visitation when he is most likely going to have to register as a a sex offender..please let me know your opinions, and thank you all for your advice from the first part of my question. I just want to do what is gonna be best for my son.
The Answer
Depending on your state, you might not be able to put his name on the birth certificate without his participation in that process. In some states, only husband's names automatically go on the birth certificate. In all other cases, the man has to sign some paperwork, or be present at the time of the birth.
So, it might be a non-issue.
Here's the thing tho: Having his name on the birth certificate doesn't change his legal rights. It's even a bit mistaken to say he has to fight for them - he really just has to ask. If you want to deny him any rights as parent - YOU have to fight for that, whether his name is on the birth certificate or not, whether he is on the sex offenders registry or not. It's your job to prove why he shouldn't have parental rights. The law always assumes that he should until someone challenges it and proves otherwise. Of course, if he is a sex-offender and an ex-con, that wont be too hard to prove, but remember that the courts generally assume that the child has a right to have relationship with the father. That is the place they start from.
Personally, I think if you are able to put his name on the birth certificate, you should - only because it's part of being honest with your son. Not as your son's last name of course, that should be your surname, but since you know who the father is, it should be included. You might not always be around to answer your son's questions, or true information may be hard to find. So don't leave that kind of doubt and uncertainty in his life if you can avoid it. Put the name of his father on the certificate if you are able too - not because the father deserves it - but because your son deserves the truth, even when the truth sucks.
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The Question
I just turned 17 and I want to take a pretty lengthy career path so Im doing a lot of future planning at the moment so I don't screw myself over.
First off, Im a junior in high school doing running start at the moment (college for free during high school) but next school year is my last free year of college, because it'll be my senior year.
I wanted to get a part time job and save up for when I do end up moving out or paying for college but my parents wont let me get a job because we might lose our medicaid and I have a lot of medical things happening to me right now so I need healthcare.
My mom says to wait to get a job until I get an apartment or dorm and just focus on volunteering at the hospital for experience (I want to be a pathologist) but how am I suppose to get an place without any money? And I also don't want to be 22 thats never had a paying job before.
If I move out around 18-19 and live off students loans and get a part time job in college, is that a smart thing to do?
Im trying to spend as least money as possible because I know ill be drowning in debt but might as well be smart about it, 200,000 is a lot of money.
The Answer
Your mom is right. Healthcare is probably the most important long-term investment for you right now.
Yeah, it would be great to also have a job, but medical care is definitely more important right at this point. You might not be able to get your butt to work, or to school, or to your volunteer gig, if you aren't receiving the medical care you need.
I understand student loans are terrifying - and you do have to be smart about how you get them and use them - but they are still a solid investment. Getting a job while you are a student (and your college will likely provide some sort of health coverage for you) is probably your safer bet.
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The Question
I've been talking to this guy I met about 2 months ago, Im 24 he's 25. We've met up maybe 3 times, he's really busy so we meet up when we can. Most of our relationship was through texting, and it was fun. When we did meet up it was effortless and comfortable and it got a little hot too. The first week we started talking I got this weird vibe that something was off so I told him I needed a break from texting almost every hour of everyday, not long after we picked back up where we left off, no problems, and I apologized for being cautious. The other two times that we hung out followed after that, and from my view it was perfect, we connected, he was very affectionate, but then the last time we hung out we were making out and before he left he got very distant. As he was leaving he gave me a hurried kiss on the cheek and all but ran out the door. The next day I asked him what was up, and all the sudden he told me he wasn't ready for a deep/steady relationship. He said I was cool to hang out with, beautiful, sweet, funny etc. he told me he had got out of a long relationship about 3 months ago. So I said I understood and I wished him the best because he told me he didnt want to lead me on so he wanted to cut ties right then and there. So we did. Until two days later when he text me sayin he misses talking to me. I responded saying I missed it as well and he asks if we can start talking again. Of course I really like this guy so I said yes, but then he immediately responded with "Well I don't want to lead you on, I still dont want a relationship, but I don't just want sex either." Also he made it very clear any time we would hang out would be by his choice, not mine. I couldn't believe it so I told him as nicely as I could "I may like you a lot but I deserve more than you can offer me right now." He seem to take it fine telling me that he understood and it was asking a lot from me and if I ever needed anything to let him know. So now I feel stuck, I know I'm not going to get the relationship I want from him, but I like him enough to actually miss him and want him in my life. Do I just suck it up and count this as a loss, realizing that he may not even want me at all? Or wait for him to maybe one day want the same thing I do?
Sorry for the long question.
The Answer
Do actually you want him as a friend?
The two of you have never discussed what a friendship might look like. It's always been about friendship+sexual+romantic but totally not serious. Are you interested in a friendship? Do you think he is? Do you think he's capable of a platonic friendship? Are you?
If you actually want him as a friend, go ahead and contact him. However, if your hope is that you if you just hover around he'll changes his mind one of these days, then don't. Never do that. Save yourself that waste of energy, time and hurt feelings. It's not really a friendship if you are just sitting there hoping for something more and the likelihood of that happening is near zero anyways.
In your shoes, I'd let this one go completely. He may have done the right thing by being honest with you, but the situation he suggested - where whatever the two of you would do depended entirely on his convenience - isn't a very friendly or respectable way to operate. A guy who tried to get that sort of arrangement would strike me as very immature and inexperienced. A guy with more experience, would understand there need to be more back and forth and dialogue than that, even in casual relationships. Casual relationships still require effort, communication, and respect.
Don't wait for him, and don't pine for him. He hasn't expressed an interest in you as a friend, or as a girlfriend. The sanest thing to assume is that he's not that into you. Into you enough for casual hookups on his schedule, but not into you enough to make time for you as a friend, or as a possible romantic partner.
A guy who wont make time for you as a friend, or as a causal hookup, either genuinely doesn't have any time in his life for a new person, or is a guy who hasn't learned to be respectful of all the women in his life - not just his girlfriend.
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The Question
so this girl at work she's been asking me to hangout with her she says since you go surfing let me go with you teach me how the sign that i can think of attraction is there so finally i got the nerve to ask her number waited about a week to call tuesday around 8.15pm called it ring at about 4times then i heard her talking then it just ended what is that all about waited a few minutes called again she didn't pick up what is that all about
The Answer
Who the hell knows?
She could be playing games. She also could be driving, or unavailable, or in a noisy place, or a shit ton of other things.
Don't wait a week when someone gives you their number. They will forget who the hell you are and your call will be intrusive and awkward instead of pleasant. You risk them not knowing who the hell you are. Maybe she is game playing - but if you are waiting a week to call someone - so are you. Don't do that.
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