about

Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

There is a guy in my building who expressed he like me a couple years ago. Although we never dated or exchanged numbers he would say things that made me like him. He would hold the door for me and compliment me. He did eventually ask me out two years but I said no because at the time I wasn’t interested. The last thing he said to me was I’m here for you and that was in March. I was surprised he said that and felt good to hear something like that. Well, I think the last time I ran into him was October and the only thing he said was Hi and How are you? I was expecting more. I like him but I must admit I believe I should not date him. He has a couple of dealbreakers. But, at the same time, I feel sad that he might not be interested in me. I like him but like I said I found somethings about him that made me think that he might not be a good fit for me.

It seems like he’s no longer interested which is unexpected since he’s been trying so hard this past two years to date me. My questions is what changed that he no longer seems to be into me?

If hes stopped trying, it most likely stands that he has given up and realized that nothing more will come of him constantly trying. You said at the time you weren't interested. So should I take that to mean that now you are. And exactly what are you interested in? Are you interested in some great aspects about him? One can find that also in a friend of the same or opposite sex. Are you interested because you are starting to see him as cute even though he didn't strike you that way before? Usually, I have found that you react one way to looks and you can separately react to just personality. So are you interested in his friendship and are attracted to him sexually? See, I had to figure this out in life too. I found that there are really only two things important to make up the solid foundation of a romantic couple relationship. One is being each others best friend and the second is both being sexually attracted to each other. Unfortunately most people end up getting into relationship or married to someone with whom they have only one of those two things. I also had to think about what a deal breaker to me was and this will differ some for each individual. A good example would be a woman who wants children someday and a man who doesn't not want any for whatever personal reasons and unlike what some women may think, can not and will not be swayed to go for it. Since there is no such thing as compromise in having a child because theres no such thing as half a child, that is a deal breaker for the woman who wants children. He may be 98% a great guy but that one thing can break up a relationship eventually. Those who marry a 'best friend' only are treated well but there is no sexual satisfaction between them, both or one not attracted to the other, very little, or no sex at all. Also a couple can come together because they have a great sex life, they both can't stay away from the draw to have sex with each other. However, when doing anything that doesn't fall into sexual activities, they act like enemies, fighting, cursing, hitting or throwing things, and lots of arguments meaning they are in no way friend like let alone a best friend. So in your case, you may be admiring him as a friend only, enjoy his company as a friend but don't want to date because you lack the interest beyond friendship, the sexual compatibility. Just because one person likes another who is not interested back, doesn't mean the none interested one is wrong and needs to change their feelings and beliefs. The people who believe they simply will develop the feelings later or the partner will change, are often disappointed and there are breakups again. Its best to be okay with who a person is and be drawn to them sexually before getting into a relationship. I think you just wanted to hear that to know you didn't do something wrong here that changed his mind. And you can't ask him because if he is still squashing feelings for you and staying his distance, you bring it up all over again and give him hope where there isn't any. So it sounds like he is being a gentleman and leaving you alone. Men have to be careful when pursuing women. Once a female has shown time and again that she isn't interested in dating, there is that invisible line he may cross in pursuing a woman where the female feels it is unwanted sexual attention, harassment and he is then automatically in trouble. Do you believe a guy should only stop trying after the female marries and that before then he shouldn't give up? A guy could become a stalker if he never gives up and believes its only a matter of time he can convince her or twist her arm to date and marry him. I don't think you want that.
Since you question why he stopped, it makes me wonder what exactly you expected him to do.

Just be glad he is no longer trying to date you. He was not your one and only chance. Most guys are too afraid to approach the woman. Find what you like and try approaching a guy first, one you are visually attracted to, then get to know him. If there aren't any deal breakers, go for it. If there are deal breakers, wait like I did, passing over many really nice guys with just a couple things that were big deal breakers to me. And believe me I had plenty special ones after a first marriage where I was emotionally and verbally abused. So I needed a guy who'd keep even keel with his emotions, never raise his voice to me and encourage and compliment for mention of a few things and I found exactly what I was looking for by waiting. Mind you I was no longer a spring chicken but approaching 50 at the time. But second time around, I got a man who is so wonderful. So be friendly, say hi when running into but don't go on dates. If he wants to go for coffee to catch up, you can go if you wish but make it clear to him, (so there's no false hope) that you would like to catch up, but this is only as friends and you still are not interested in dating.

[view]

I am terrified of dying. I don't believe in after life or second Life. I think we only have one life. Whenever I think about it I think one life is way too short. I know it's stupid but I keep hoping there will be some invention which will make us live much much longer. I am 22 and am so lucky that I have not experienced of death of anyone near me but I am scared of it so much. Specially my parents I know it's inevitable but it terrifies me. I have to go out of my way to keep busy to avoid thinking about it cause whenever I do my heart starts racing really fast, my chest starts to feel heavy like something heavy is weighing me down and my thoughts start racing and I can't stop it. Is there any way to ease this fear"

There are two reasons that I can see causing you to feel this fear of death. The first is your beliefs. You know as well as I do that some things take a blind faith because in fact, none of us can recall past lives if that is true, we don't have people coming back from the dead so we have real life experiences. Sure, there are plenty of books written of peoples experiences, remembering a past life while they were yet children, or a story of someone who died but Drs were able to resusitate and during the fleeting time they were gone, they insist they saw God or loved ones who'd passed on. But there is room for doubt because it is not our own personal experience. We can only make a choice based on whatever evidence there is. Perhaps there is too much doubt for you, unknowing for sure and that is why you have this fear.

Next, once a fear, any fear enters your mind, your subconscious mind will take whatever you think while awake, whatever you experience and look for patterns of what you like the most. Unfortunately, our subconsciious minds erroneously think that the amount of time spent thinking of death means it is something you like so your SM (subconscious mind) will bring up the thoughts all the time, every couple of minutes even. You see this happen in break ups where the one who did not want a break up is missing the person and can't stop thinking of them so they are never in a place of being ready to move on with their life and find someone else.

It is not my place to tell you what to believe. I will say that I do believe there is a life after death, there is a Heaven, and to me Hell is debateable. I have heard in one book that God doesn't send people there, they just end up there because they don't feel worth of going to heaven. I have read books of people, several different occurances, of dying and being revivied and the stories they tell. Those stories give me hope. I would rather believe in a loving God and creator, a home in heaven someday and the possibility that I might choose to be born once more, reincarnated to have another chance to work on another part of my being, my soul. I don't think we'd be Christ like enough after one life trying to get it right. Of course I realize it could be a cruel joke and there is nothing after and I cease to exist in any way after I die and my body is buried. But it is the other stories that give me peace so I live for now not fearing death and then if I was wrong, I won't even know it if I dont exist anymore. I can't make you change your mind. I don't believe the same as Christians, or pagans and that is for each of us to feel the freedom to explore. Most of what I believe now I didn't at your age. Yes, I went to church but that story I was never okay with either. I was so in disbelief of reincarnation for example which traditional Christian religions believe that I was not about to change my mind. During prayer a thought popped into my head, "Would you believe me if I told you reincarnation was real?" It felt like a rug being pulled from under my feet. I was pretty sure that was God speaking in my head as I do not have daily experiences of odd thoughts popping in. Once I read up on and explored what I could, I found I did believe it and that most the things in the Christian faith that made no sense or portrayed God to be wrathful and hard nosed and then all of a sudden loving again. Thats like God being bi-polar. All I can help with in a way of easing this for you is tell you to treat your SM like another person. If a person were talking over and over about something you don't like, you tell them please to change the subject or you are not interested in hearing or thinking about that. You must do the same for your SM. I did that after being told my sweetie was going back to his ex. The only way to get over the pain, the fear and all was to stop thinking about it. My SM didn't get the message he wasn't in my life anymore. I actually had to take the time to tell myself mentally (which is like speaking to your SM)_ that we were no l onger together with no chance of getting back together and I do not want her (the SM) bringing up the subject of him ever again. That works for a few minutes and like a bad habit it has to break the SM keeps bringing up the thoughts, in your case of death. So you again patiently remind your SM what you no longer want to hear about or think about death. Next you'll find you can go an hour without these thoughts but again the SM forgets. At the end of the first day, you'll be mentally worn out from what feels like a failing excercise but trust me if you keep it up, by end of the second or third day, you should notice a difference. If you choose to keep your options open as far as what death and afterlife is about if it exists at all, I encourage you to read things you may not have before for whatever reason and then make your decision once you've heard all there is to hear on the subject and perhaps you will decide to change your beliefs to one that isn't as terrifying for you, just in case
you are right and I am not. I'd rather err on the side of caution.

[view]

My roommate (F/20) and I (F/20) have been friends with benefits since we began college two years ago. This arrangement started because we were both a couple of dateless losers in high school. Neither of us had ever had sex and were curious, so we decided to experiment.

From the beginning, we agreed this was just for fun and that we weren't a couple or anything. We both agreed that if a guy ever asks one of us out, then that person should feel free to accept.

Now, I don't consider myself to be gay or even bi. My roommate doesn't either. So when she recently got asked out and said yes, I was surprised by my reaction. I felt heartbroken. Course, I didn't say anything because of our deal, but I realize now that I don't want her getting physical with anyone but me.

In short, I think I'm in love with my roommate. I'm scared to say anything though, as I don't think she feels the same way. I'm afraid it might screw up our friendship if I do. I'm so confused. I never expected to feel this way about her. Should I say something or should I try and be happy for her now that she has a guy?

I never dated in High school and never considered myself a loser. I just hadn't met a young man who was interested and was mature enough for me. So the rest of the reasons you give for thinking you are in love may well not be true.

I will start at the beginning and rewrite from another perspective to help you decide for yourself whether you are in love or it is something else.

See, you don't get to choose your gender or sexuality, what you are is what you are and if you were gay, meaning attracted sexually to the same sex, you would know it. You would feel the flutters and excitement within when you look at females, and it doesn't have to be just her. This is the short way to realize whether you are gay or not. Then there is Bi sexuality or being transgender which can effect how one finds a love or sex partner. You have identified in your note as female so you are not transgender.

I don't know where you got the idea you were losers simply because you didn't feel you fit the norm. I never did either. So you believe that having sex while still in HS means something? No it doesn't. Its quite common for people who haven't had sex yet have it with the same sex for the beginning, even as teens. It is safer for females, they can't get pregnant. Since you dont consider yourself gay or bi, it must be another event that has you thinking you must be in love romantically with her. So as far as I can determine, you didn't have these doubtful feelings of heartbreak before she went on a date with a guy. You equated these feelings that were so oddly different for you to mean you were hurting because you were in love. Okay lets say you are in love. Did you know there are different kinds of love? Sure you do, like how your parents love you and you them, or your siblings and extended family.I will attach an article for you to read about the different types of love. I believe you will see the first, Eros and believe that is what you feel. I suggest you make it a point to also read number 5, Ludus which is mistaken for Eros.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/hide-and-seek/201606/these-are-the-7-types-love

Now about what you felt, you describe as feeling heart broken. In some cases, what makes a person feel heart broken is because they actually felt jealous and that is what I need to mention in case you believe it applies to you. I learned that jealousy is a fear, and fear is a strong emotion. Now I know you won't see fear as a compatible work=d to describe what you felt. Maybe it wasn't fear. But the specific fear of jealousy is experiencing a loss of something or someone. It can be the fear of losing favor in social standings, fear of loss of income, for examples or the fear of losing a person. I hadnt realized before that it is possible until a few people older than me told me. Think of it, until now it was just you and her for companionship, friends, sex partners not to mention being room mates. It is possible that the ache your heart felt was due to the emotion of fear of loss or jealousy. Perhaps you feel like if your friend got real interested in the man, maybe even met and married someone someday, that your whole world would fall apart, you'd be alone for rest of your life, etc... and whatever other possible problems we imagine in our futures. We don't know. You don't know. But since you are not gay as far as you have told me, it is going to happen. She will meet and marry and have kids with someone.Even if she is gay, you are not, it still couldn't work for the same reasons many hetero marriages don't work, they were only lovers, or only friends but not both. Both qualities need to be present for a relationship, a much wanted romantic one, to work.
If you don't understand and need more examples on this, let me know, and I will explain. So now you have to decide whether you are truly gay or not based on what I've shared and whether what you have an eros love with her and her with you or whether it's ludus love. Also you must decide wether you are feeling left out or that in some way you will lose her, a fear of being alone. then why if you decide you are fearful, are you afraid? I used to feel like this for a while. In me, it was not having been asked out on a date, I had a lack of self confidence, and I had social anxiety, all things that never stayed on, but stuff I worked on, working on first me but learning how to lose the social anxiety and understanding that due to my distorted thinking at the time, I was the one causing my issues. I then tackled self confidence. At my 40th HS reunion a couple years back, I was shocked that most the people who I thought were well put together, confident, out going in HS, were nothing like that as adults. Everyone was standing with one friend, afraid to walk up and talk to others. I was the social butterfly, making sure I left not one person out but I had to approach everyone. There were a few social butterflies, one I remember as such from grade school but the others, I was dissappointed for them that they never grew as people beyond the point of graduating HS. Don't let that be you. Work on yourself and your self confidence like I did. If you want to know details how to go through it successfully, just ask and I will share what I did. I truly didn't think the solutions were as simple as they were but it was fear before that which held me back. The fear flees as soon as you experience some success and as long as you don't dwell on negative thoughts thereafter, you should get to a place where you have a more wonderful life than you imagined.

[view]

i have been asked severel times if i play games on my computer i never used my own laptop for gaming and severel people have expected it from me and it made feel like not doing it was unacceptable i never thought it was.

It is acceptable if you have never played a game on your computer not to mention belong to even one social media platform. I wasn't on facebook until one of my daughters was playing Farmville ages ago and asked us to play too with her. That started me on playing Facebook games. However I know plenty of people who do not play games let alone have a facebook account. Its a matter of personal choice. Like lets say you hate clams and someone asks if youve eaten the clam chowder at a certain place and how you're missing out til you try. I am quick to let people know if I don't like something they think is delicious and want me to sample...I'm vegetarian...or play something they find entertaining but I find boring or too hard Don't worry about it.

[view]

Its been 6 months since I quit my last job due to my hours being reduced. I applied for unemployment but was disqualified. I'm currently waiting on an appeal hearing. I live with my parents right now. I've been applying to tons of jobs in my field and some that aren't in my field. I'm afraid of getting infected with COVID and bringing it back to my parents. My mom is sickly. Some interviewers have told me that I would come into contact w/ COVID patients.

If you weren't living with the parents, Id say go for it if you feel comfortable taking the risk for yourself. Since your Mom is sickly, I think you already know the answer, that it is not worth losing your mother, or dad over gaining employment. A job can be replaced, (although hard during Covid) but the parents can't be replaced, not to mention any guilt you would live with if they caught it from you. For income, you might have to get creative to bring in just a little extra for now, dog sitting if the parents allow it at their house, dog walking, if you sew real well, make custom masks for sale or anything else you could sell on ETSY.

[view]

I wanna buy a vibrator but I'm 15 and i dont wanna get carded so where do i go?

I heaerd the following from a writer who wrote in, after not being able to get any vibrator, knowing no one who would help, she resorted to trying a battery run toothbrush. Yes, you read that correctly. Although its not for insertion like a dildo. This can be used on your clit. You may not want to use bristles side but the back side of end of toothbrush. It vibrates hard enough to give a clitoral orgasm. I know, I've tried it. Anyone can buy a toothbrush, so it's not embarrassing as no one will know what you plan to do with it. Its something for now until you can get someone to go into a shop and get you something. I have found over time that how much you spend on one doesnt mean its better. I have had some of my best toys be the ones cheaper, or on sale.

[view]

I had unprotected sex a day after my last period in October,i didn't take any contraceptive. I'm yet to get my period now. It's been 36 days (including last period). Could i be pregnant?
I'm really scared of taking a test that eventually turns out positive.

For unprotected sex, no matter at what point in your cycle, the best bet is buying and taking the morning after pill Asap after the act as you only have a certain amount of days before that pill will no longer help if a pregnancy is started.
Since you waited so long, you now have to take a pregnancy test. Yes, it is scary and it will be a shock to the parents and they may initially get mad and yell, not because they hate you, not because they think you're stupid, but because they know how disruptive this can be to your life. Having a baby at your age is not as good a situation as having one as an adult. Going through abortion if need be I have heard from some people that it is more painful for a teen aged body and even adults can find it hard on them. If you take the test, do so a few days apart and perhaps different brands to be sure of the answer. If you are pregnant and say nothing, at some point the parents will think youve gained weight but after that it becomes obvious that you are pregnant. So you only delay them finding out but also delay getting abortion while the fetus is tiny, by time you show well enough that they know you are pregmant, you could be 4-6 months along. At 4 months, the baby is roughly the size of an avocado. See this size chart for fetuses:

https://parenting.firstcry.com/articles/baby-size-week-by-week-comparison-with-fruits-and-veggies/

The longer you wait to find out, the bigger the baby is and obviously is going to be bigger than your vagina and the entrance to womb. Drs have to get tools inside you and tear up the fetus into pieces to remove...a grizzly thought but I understand in some circumstances it is the best choice, such as a pregnancy from rape, or the mothers life is at stake if she carries full term, etc. It is better to have such a procedure earlier than later. So its best to take those tests. Tell your mom. Telling Dad is so embarrassing. If no favorable reaction or help from Mom, she may be in shock. You must reach out to another female adult, an aunt, grandma and they can help with your Mom so that a Dr. can check to see if you really are pregnant, how far along and you as a family make decisions. If you are healthy enough to carry the baby to full term and put up for adoption, there is now open adoption where you choose from couples who want to adopt and they let you be part of the babies life from the start. It will know you are birth mom and the couple are the ones raising it as adoptive mom and dad. This seems to me like the best choice of all. But it is disruptive to your life. You would have to leave school, if its even open during pandemic. If going full term, the baby will need nutrients and you are a teen and still need nutrients so if you eat as normal, that will not be enough for both of you, you will need special vitamins crafted for pregnant moms. And you have to think of your safety, not getting exposed to sick people, the corona virus, chicken pox, etc... because that can harm the growing baby. These are decisions you can't do alone. I would love to hear back how you decide to go. There are homes for pregnant teen Moms where you live with other pregnant teens and are taught what to expect in pregnancy stages, or how to handle a baby if keeping yourself or giving up for adoption.

I dont know your exact age but as a young teen my period was all over the place still, shorter ones, longer ones lasting a week, 2 in one month or none the next. So it may be something like that if you've had that before. But don't rely on one test saying you're not pregnant, take a second one a few days later and see if you get same results or follow the rechecking instructions on the test you purchase. If you are not pregnant and don't want to stay away from sex, you MUST get on a contraceptive. You can ask your family Dr, make an appt and go get checked and then you will be given the prescription for the pill. Some people have reactions, side effects and if you can't handle that, my second favorite is the IUD although you may be too young or small for that choice...so perhaps the shot or contraceptive patch. I have heard some say they like the shot and only have to get it about every three months.

[view]

Can a 14 year old drink kapiva slim shake? Is it safe?

Generally, at 14, a teen has lots of growing left to reach their adult body size. While the shake is for weight loss and it is crafted to have nutrients an adult needs, it may differ from what a teen needs. In this case, it is best that the parents take this teen to the family Dr. who will likely refer to a dietician especially if the reason is wanting to lose weight. There are safe ways to do so and not so safe. I can't tell you whether the slim shake is okay so its best to check with a professional.

[view]

I'm a 16 year old girl and last night I wet the bed. Who the fuck still wets the bed when they're in high school??!?? Me, apparently. And this isn't the first time, it's the second. The first time was last month. Fortunately, no one knows about this (and hopefully it'll stay that way). But I know something must be wrong for this to be happening. I don't know what though. I'm not losing bladder control when I'm awake. It's only when I'm asleep. So what does that mean? Help!!!!

Just so you know, I agree wholeheartedly with everything the other advice giver said. So on the last point, if female ejaculation or fluids are the issue, regular fluids will leave a small wet spot while actual ejaculation is much more and more likely to make one think an entire bladder was released. Ejaculation in female hasn't been studied much so there isn't much to tell except that some women ejaculate out their vagina while when others have the orgasm, the fluids go into their bladder. Some are born with the connecting tube to do this and others aren't. No show of fluid doesnt mean she didnt ejaculate. that much scientists are sure of. I happen to do this so when having sex, theres always a towel under us to catch something in case I do.It doesnt happen every time. The only way you will know if to rule out other issues first. So it is best to see your family Dr. So unless you are able to make an appt and get to it yourself, its best to talk to your Mom, and if no Mom, an aunt about your issue, and show them what the internet says about causes of the wetting, or show what we have written and say you want to see a Dr. but too embarrassed to talk to Dad if thats all you have. Seeing a Dr is important. Then if all looks fine, you may just want to sleep with a towel under you to catch liquid while you sleep, although those absorbent bed pads with plastic on the bottom are better for no leakage of fluid. However the problem is that they slide around too easy as you move in your sleep and may be no where near your bottom when it happens. I found that out the hard way.

[view]

What is Modalert prescribed for?

Solid advice already gave you the link to Wikipedia so I won't repeat that but its real thorough in what it tells you about this. No one here that I know of is a Dr. So we can't prescribe things. I only share from experience. Modafinil is something I have heard of because my husbands uncle was prescribed that for narcolepsy. That is a disease where people can't stay awake during waking hours and fall asleep middle of eating dinner, sitting on the potty, and with no warning. I read of it used for some schizophrenia but that is not one I have ever heard of and I used to be a caregiver for a schizophrenic client. I don't think it is prescribed for the things you list such as depression, stress, anxiety, low moods which mean there is a high too as in bi-polar. The things you are mentioning are mental health issues and Drs prescribe other things for that. Although in many cases, its merely a need for the patient to become trained in how to think healthier mentally, and things to do to overcome anxieties and so on. I used to have severe social anxiety and prayed. What I heard from God, worked so well I was cured in a couple months but I really applied myself. Shockingly years later I read a book of a psychologist who mentioned the same things I did to get over my anxieties and none of it involved any medication.
It sounds to me like you are trying to treat yourself without seeing a Dr. or have seen them and it hasn't helped. If you have tried medications for mental health with no good results, it may be because that is not going to work for you as it is not the right treatment. According to the Dr. whose book I read, there is something that helps people with most those things you put in a list, the method is called CBT for short, Cognitive behavioral therapy. It worked so well once this Dr. tried it on a patient that he tried it with all his patients who were taking meds but still had issues. They were cured at a rate of approx 9 out of 10 being cured because it is not a physical imbalance in the brain but an emotional one of distorted thinking that causes these problems. So now when I hear of people talking about any kind of mental health issues, I feel bound to share my knowledge in case it helps them. That way you can choose the Dr. you work with, provided insurance if you have, covers a particular Dr. It is still not as common as it should be, with only medication handed out and thats just a bandage on the problem, not curing it. Will a plain bandaid put on an infected cut, heal it? No. It just festers because the cause of the infection wasn't addressed. So if you are disallusioned with Dr.s I suggest you check out one who is trained in CBT.

Now, Modafinil can be bought without prescriptions, and thats why many college students use it. It helps them to be alert when tired from studying too long into the night, and have a greater chance at taking a test. Our military and some others around the world allow use of it for their military who may have to go on long missions without sleep because it helps keep you awake and alert. wakefulness will not deal with mental health issues. You might actually do worse. If I were having mental issues, I sure wouldnt want to be awake longer to suffer through them. There are side effects. Look at the links in the Wiki report on the side effects, and it will show charts or show people with the side effects, some to skin, that can happen with this. So it is best if you see a Dr. and tell them what you suffer from truly, and ask if Modafinel or its generic Modalert, would help you. Another problem is using this so much that you are awake more than you get sleep and over time you will become sick with issues that stem from sleep deprivation.
Older men sometimes have issues peeing easily and have to get up so many times in the night, (family member I know of) that they sometimes didnt get enough sleep and feel as if they might fall asleep while driving. And thats the only time they will take one of these pills to stay awake if needing to drive, and if not, taking a nap in middle of day if the best cure if not having enough sleep and your body wanting to fall asleep for that reaseon or for those with narcolepsy, the sleeping disease, where you sleep too much and at the drop of a hat.

[view]

my coworker just bluntly hit on me in a company email.....and gave me his phone number and asked me to call or text him when i have a minute.....he has a son, i dont have kids.....he's not with the mom so he says....and he just recently overcame stomach cancer..

now that's bold as hell to do that and let the company know u are fraternizing on the job

anyway should i?


thanks

I agree with the other advice giver that not knowing what he wrote in email, we can't know for sure if he was hitting on you. If you've caught him staring at you, it doesn't mean that asking you to test him at work or call him at work means he's hitting on you. In courts, that would be only circumstances as evidence, but not solid proof. Some companies are adamant in training new hires about the company's policies on sexual harassment or unwanted attention from a person. Some companies have a policy but never mention it until there is a problem. And there are a few small companies, family operated who never have such policies. I once worked for such a company. Husband/wife ran it, work increased and they hired 4 females to help them. There was no need for the policy there. Do you even know what the policies are where you work? If its his home phone number or his cell, co workers who work together in same dept or on same project don't get together away from work to work on work related projects. So I tend to think that if it was me, I'd need to know more. I would go to his desk at work, even if another department and tell me you need to talk to him about the email. Since he has a son, you could start off with, "I was wondering if you wanted to talk to me to babysit your son so you and the wife can go out or get away. Is that it?" That's how I would do it so I am not embarrassed to ask if he's hitting on me to find out it was all innocent. Unless some one is a mind reader and can know his intents, its better to stick on the safe side to find out something. If he does say he is interested in you, you can let him know that according to company policy (which is why you need to know what it is) and your own personal rules, you would never go on dates with someone from work and be friendly but tell him to please not do so again. But if he had an innocent reason for contacting you, then listen to what he has to say. I would not email or text him. That's bad like opening a can of worms if he's cheating on a wife, or divorced and has a girlfriend and they check his phone and see a call from you to him.Then you have jealous women calling and attacking you.If u are right and he is after you, you've talked to him to stop, and he still does it, only then is it time to talk to your superiors and let them know whats going on. You can keep hold of that email in case you need it to show your superiors. But I am saying all this not knowing what he wrote. SO I hope this helps you anyways.

[view]


I have an ex jealous toxic friend who's trying to ruin my life, recently she's trying to steal my friendship group and replace me in my own friend group. There’s this girl, let’s call her X, she’s -okay she was bullied for her looks. When I first met her no one in my school wanted to be her friend. I thought it was just because of her looks but I would soon find out that I was wrong. I thought she was beautiful and didn’t care about looks, and nor do I still.
I decided to be her friend, not out of pity for her but because I geniuinely wanted to be her friend she was happy and I introduced her to my friend group. My friendship group consisted of My best friend, (let’s call her A) i had known her for 8 years, my second best friend with whom i had a lot in common with (let’s call her b ) and my other friend who was close friends with A, so we just hit it off (let’s call her C) So me, A, B and C would hang out everyday with eachother and then X joined us so we would hang out as well, one day we were drawing anime as a reward in our English class and me , B and X were in the same class, me and B were talking about a book (we’re bookworms)and B made a funny joke, and then next thing i knew a rubber (eraser if your american) was thrown HARD in my face, X said I was laughing at her drawing , but I said that i was just laughing at B’s joke, she didn’t take that, and scowled at me for the remaining time of the lesson. I didn’t speak to her for a few days, untill i gave in and forgave her. I was an idiot .
The next school year,(y8 ) a new person was introduced in our friend group (let’s call her D), D didn’t speak english and just moved to uk, so A was the only one in our year who could speak her language so she hung around with us because of A, now you need to know that C, and D, D especially are very nice to people, they are soo sweet and don’t like being rude, whereas me, A and B would tell people who we know are toxic to go away, anyway so since D couldn’t speak english she didn’t really know what was going on with me and X, this academic year, X got bullied a lot but wouldn’t tell the teachers so I decided to tell the teacher for her, the bullying stopped for a few days but then started again, so one day she came to our table and sat down angry and upset, I calmly asked her if she was okay but she yelled in my face and threw a juice carton in my face. I felt humilated and extremely upset, but i brushed it off as always thinking she was just very upset and that it was not her fault but mine. I noticed after that that A and B were very wary of her and A constantly told me that she was a bad friend, I thought A and B were just misunderstanding her, since i knew x the best, so i ignored it (could i get anymore stupid).
So the next academic year (Y9), I became even more clever in my studies basically got into top set for every subject except maths, I was in set 2 for maths and excelled extremely in academics, I think X was jealous of that fact and since I hit puberty that year, I became much much prettier (I was told that by other people btw, im not saying that myself) , x became extremely jealous of me and treated me like dirt, I was confused since I hadn’t done anything to her but also brushed it off AGAIN, but A wasn’t having any of it, this was also the year that D, became fluent in english and since she literally came from another country and wasn’t really smart because of the country change, and I was super smart in academics I helped her and we became closer. Anyway so A repeadetly told me, and she told me how X was jealous of me, since I was pretty, smart and my family were richer than hers (her dad was unemployed), after several weeks of X treating me like dirt, I had enough and broke off my friendship with her, she told everyone that I betrayed her, i let it go because she didn’t really have any friends anyway. I noticed then that, the reason she would get bullied is not because of her looks, people were ready to be her friend despite her physical flaws, but that she would make harsh comments about people. When we started school, she literally yelled at everyone for no reason and insulted them, that’s why she didn’t have any friends In maths, I sat next to her and she would do horrible things, make horrible remarks and yk shove me hard in the corridors so that i would have bruises on my shoulder, she would try talk to me but I ignored her (im more of a silent treatment person). I didn’t tell A, B, C or D this because A had a crush on thiss guy but he screenshotted all of A and his’s private messages and showed the whole school and so A was pretty upset. then corona hit and we all had to go home and yk everyone knows what happend then. So i went on one of my old pinterest accounts and since X and B both like Anime, i got confused between the two accounts and messaged X instead, she asked me why i messaged her and that i betrayed her and i was a horrible person etc, so i got angry with x and literally named all the reasons why i wasn’t her friend and that SHE betrayed me, she apologised and begged me for a second chance, but i told her we were never meant to be friends and that we should stay on our own seperate paths and focus on GCSE’s
Ok so now in september we started a new academic year (year 10) but because of corona it was a little hard, X ignored us, except for when she made rude comments about me in attempt to get my attention and we did the same (to ignore her not be rude to her) although i noticed C, and D talked to her a little but i knew it was because they were too nice to tell her to go away. X would always scowl at me, A, B C and D whenever we would hang out. So like the week before half-term, i had to self-isolate because someone i sat next to got corona and the day I wasn’t in school I heard from A that X hung out with A, B, C and D when i wasn’t there,she first asked my friends if I wasn’t there and then proceeded to hang out with them i was angry and upset. She hangs out with MY best friends the second im not there and copies everything I usually do, my posture, my laugh and my quirkiness. A told me that she and B were a little uncomfortable and tried to keep their distance from her, but C and D were too nice to tell her to go away. I was furious, and since D was the only one online at the time, i asked her why" why did she hang out with x" she was confused and i remembered that she didn’t speak English when it happened and when it did i didn’t tell D specifically because i was too busy helping her with academics. I told D everything and she promised to stay away from X. I then went on snapchat where we had a group chat which consisted of me A, B, C and D and broke down and I asked everyone why, they hung around with X behind my back, i told them EVERYTHING, every single detail that she did ( i can’t write every bad thing x did otherwise it would be too long on here, but she was just very toxic). They apologised and admitted they didn’t know eveything i just told them but promised to stay away from her. I also told them that its either her or its either me (ik it was a little harsh but i was very angry at the time), One thing you should know is that me and A are the glue of this group, we created the friendship group, so everyone chose me over X. That day that x hung out with A, B c and D was the last day of the first half term meaning we had a school holiday for a week and just came back to school now I feel as if X is trying to replace me in my own friendship group, and A and B even think that as well.
Even though A, B ,C and D told me that im unreplacable i still have this feeling, X tries so hard to be like me, she wants my life, and shes trying to replace me, im just scared, what lengths would she go to to replace me in my friend group especially since i may have to self-isolate again" And she could easily manipulate, C and D against me since they’re both so naiive.
So we’re in the same spanish class and like so here’s just a taste of what happens, this is what happened yesterday: So, we had double spanish today like 4 hours long, because of corona we have longer lessons and Like EVERYTHING i said X was saying something really mean about it Like I was like 'Sir, what's the time"' and she was like 'Why does she need to know the time she's so dumb.' and i was like 'Sir i'm done' because I finished earlier than everyone and she was like 'Ew, she acts like we actually care.' and like I can't write everything on here because she said a lot but she would say something after EVERY sentance I said and like so we have like 16 desks in our classroom and they go along in 4 rows and columns and so im on the 3 rd row and x is on the 1st row and there is this really nice popular girl, who's also nice to X and we don't sit next to anyone because of social distancing but her row is in between mine and X And we were working together and X got even more mad than that And then I went to the toilet halfway through the lesson to redo my hair and stuff yk girls touching up and then when I came back that popular girl who I was working with stopped talking to X at that momment beccuase yk we were working together and she said in a really nice way 'Oh your back now, Haii!' and then X looked me up and down, gave me a jealous look then changed that look into a scowl and she was even more ruder after that and like so we were translating sentences into english and sir told us the last part of the sentance and I was like 'Wait, sir how does that make sense tho"' and she was like 'What does she mean how does it make sense" Oh My God she's so dumb she doesn't even have a brain , she doesn't even derserve a brain, like oh my god shes soo ffing dumb!' and some girls around me looked a little upset for me But i just brushed it off, and I was trying so hard not to cry and it got even worse And then I went outside after school and D was standing there and we were looking for A, B and C and then I saw C and whilst she was looking for A and B i rested my head on her shoulder and in a small voice I said 'I want to cry.' and then I just broke down and I cried and D was the first to notice and she was like to C 'Is she okay, I think she's crying"' and then B came and then I cried my eyes out even harder and all my friends were really worried for me and were asking me what happened and then A came out and then they called her and I told them everything and then B, who's a very confrontational and a little agressive type wanted us to go to X but I advised her agaainst it because she was probably gone anyway And after a few minutes of me crying they forced me to tell everything to my head of year and B said, 'Why are you trying to protect her" Why are so nice to her even though you know how much she hurts you"' and I was trying not to break down when I told the head of year, and she was like 'come to me tommorrow early in the morning and remind me to speak to her, because its not your fault and girls like these need to be dealt with.' and I was trying not to break down when I told the head of year, So I guess I feel a little better

by crying eveyrthing since y9 out And since I was crying REALLY REALLY hard, my friends know how bad X has hurt me and will never dare to go near her even C and D, because they love me so much in that way (loving me in friends way) And I don’t know what to do, because this girl thinks I have the perfect life, that I have a big house, amazing friends, amazing loving, supportive parents and everyone is so nice to me and likes me and Im so smart and that I’m so pretty, and this sounds so much like bragging im so sorry but its what she thinks and she wants to ruin my life in every possible way. What should I do and what if after the teachers speak to her, she still doesn’t learn" I don’t want to say anything to her an dI haven’t said A WORD to her since I ended our toxic friendship, and I'm too hurt to approach her and speak to her, my wounds are still bleeding.




People during their childhood and teen years tend to be more concerned with what others think of them, worry about being liked, and so on. I remember those years cus I also had social anxiety back then and no confidence. Then these same people grow into adults and during their adult life are nothing at all like when younger. I am now the social butterfly and at last HS. Reunion, got to witness how most people had become more friendly, didn't pick on others as when kids and only about 5 people I saw that night had not changed, were still insecure and just stood by themselves or just one friend. I went up to everyone and talked to them a while, even those who were still withdrawn as adults. What I am saying is that perhaps in 10 years, X will be a much nicer person as she grows out of the insecurities she has and how badly she deals with them. Or she may be that small percent who never change and/or are troubled their whole life.
Then there is one more possible scenario for how X singles you out but from what I have read, does treat others this way too. They just don't get the full treatment since they avoid her.

Her acting up could be a silent cry for help. Or a subconscious one, things she isn't quite aware of but other things would be glaring. Her Dad out of work is recent but thats what you were told. It could be much worse. Her parents may fight all the time, ignore her and her needs, she isnt hated but doesn't receive any love either, she worries when bills can't be paid and she has to do without the frills, like even going to a movie, her Dad might not be out of work but a lazy man who chooses not to work, putting the pressure on Mom to earn what is needed. So Mom has no energy left for X. It can get even worse, pressure to make friends and bring them home, maybe she is verbally abused at home. If she knows how to really verbally hurt people, she's only trying to get rid of what is bottled up inside and doesn't get it that she's doing to you what is being done to her because thats all she knows. I am sure she's figured out now that the majority of people are not like that, but her parents are and so she may even resent or hate them. But no child wants to ask for help when theres an issue with their parents that is harmful to them socially, psychologically, mentally or physically because they fear that a child protective agency may step in and they fear losing their parents and home, even if its hell. It could be any of these guesses of mine or none. Its not your job to be her counselor and straighten out her life and whatever is causing her to be this way but some one needs to check it out and check her out and see what is really going on. You mentioned the problem to the leader of your year, an adult. I was going to suggest that. You should also mention it to each teacher if that person doesn't. In private, ask your teachers to pay attention to what she says and does because of her targeting you to offload vicious comments and action against you. I am surprised that not one teacher has said anything to her already. They can not be able to say they never heard her, and that is disruptive behaviour, not a child or teen being childish as many will be. It is not normal anymore.

Its not a couple months of her acting troubled but it has been years and years. No one will think its as bad as you say because as police will tell you, there is no paper trail, no previous comments or reports from you detailing the problem with her. It works the same if an adult were being harassed. They can't put up with it and only call police when its gotten so bad it pushed them to ask for help. If someone is stalking a women, and the current report is not the only one but police can look back at their reports and see you have reported the man multiple times, then they can see there is a pattern. Thats when they haul the person in. Either they have to get a psychiatric evaluation and if thats not their issue, they can spend time in jail.

It could be that X has skated through all these years without a single teacher feeling she has a problem that needs to be addressed. She will need counseling for sure if her family is the problem or be taught skills how to relate to people normally. Again, you are not the one to teach her, not your circle of friends, and not anyone attending the school. She must receive the kind of help or at least teaching on how to properly act and that must come from a professional trained to do this kind of work. All a friend can do is sympathize. And that will not help her or change how her mind thinks. And that could be the only thing that is the problem here. If you have been to her home and gotten a glimpse of her home life and what her parents are like, then its possible to know if there are problems at home affecting her. Trouble kids in classroom usually have parents with problems and being a problem child is the only way to get attention.Children learn early on that bad attention is better than none at all but you're still unhappy.So its possible that X is using the same tactic with her peers trying to gain attention from kids at school, to make friends. Jealousy could play into this, but singling you out may have more to do with the fact you have tried to be a friend to her, one of the few students she feels comfortable enough needling, because you made yourself part of her life, just as her parents, maybe even siblings, are part of her life. So you may get the treatment she wishes she was brave enough to give her parents or maybe she's simply out of habit and not knowing anything else, treating you the way her family treats her. There are some very dysfunctional families out there. One gal said shse grew up with a toxic Mom who was always making cutting remarks and telling her how ugly she was, how dumb she was. WHo knows if thats what is really going on. I don't think a desire to split up your friend group is her ultimate goal. She had a very low self esteem and is not confident as I can relate to her hearing you laugh and thinking it was laughing at her. I always felt people were trying to be mean to me but in reality I had no idea, they were just good naturedly teasing to see if they could be-friend me. I would tell the parents if I were you. They love you and things like this, are important for them to know. I know I cared enough to hear my kids out and one time my oldest said her best friend stole a top out of her room when over last cus she saw her taking it and she had no idea what to do at the time and said nothing. But it bothered her, and it was a favorite top. So it was important to me to help her find a solution that works with her friend. And the fact I knew and helped, brought an end to that issue. Dont tell the parents as if its happening just now but that its been going on for years. Girls get sadder and meaner when going through puberty and that is natural, picking on those females closest to you, Mom, sis, best friend. But in X's case, it isn't recent, but a history and your parents need to know now and who you talked to at school so that if nothing changes for the better, they can step in and talk to the adults at school. No, it isn't the wrong way to do it, it shouldnt even be embarrassing because sometimes it takes an adult intervening or the right ones, to make things better and fix any problems. It takes parents who are willing to go outside their comfort zone and talk to school officials. Last time a child of mine felt they were being picked on by the kid across the table at school, I asked her to point out the child and then asked that child if they didnt mind us walking home with him because I'd like to meet his parents. I wasnt thinking my daughter was right, it was possible she was just taking things wrong as I had when I was young. I could sense this boy was a good kid. At the door I introduced ourselves and both parents were home. They invited me in and told them what my daughter was saying and that I figured nothing bad was going on, just things taken wrong on her part. They asked the kids to go play and the kids saw me being friendly with his parents and they played as friends too. There was no problem after that. I visited my new friends sometimes, but the kids become buddies at school too, having to endure teases that they were bf and gf but that didn't bother them. So I am just saying that even in your case, your parents need to know whats been going on and how long and with all details you shared here. They need to know the stress of it got so bad you that you had one hard crying session if not more. At least I've given you some ideas of what might be going on, so you dont think its something you did wrong. If you didn't know how to socialize with your peers, you wouldn't have the loving caring friends in your circle....so I'm pretty sure theres nothing you've ever done to warrent being treated this way. You can avoid her outside of school but if you have her in classes, you cant keep her at a distance. The teachers if they know, are at fault for doing nothing and ignoring it, hoping it will go away....yeah maybe in 5 or 10 years, and then its still a maybe. It must be resolved now. You can't try being friends until she had gotten some counseling help. If anything, if you want to, let her know that you would be her friend in the future if she can show she has changed and knows how to treat her peers nicely. You are only trying to protect yourself, so tell her not to give up hope but to apply herself to any help offered to her by adults because until she does improve, you will stay at a distance and not be around her. She needs to know its not over 100% or she has no goal to look forward to. T eens are goal and reward oriented so knowing you mean business and would be a friend if she changed, that could eventually help her want to get better. Until she has that want, its not going to happen.

[view]


I'm interviewing for a night PRN position at a hospital as a patient screener. I'm not if I'll get a lot of work hours every month because it's "as needed."

I'm thinking about this job because I really want to work in a hospital and move up to other positions for what I went to school for. But it is PRN and I have bills to pay.

I looked up PRN RN which is exactly how you must word it to get hits when searching. One site says a PRN can work from 0 to 40 hrs a week.So really, it depends on the location and how often one is needed. One sites says that you are front desk, check in until short handed if one RN is sick or didn't come in for some reason and then they pull you off front desk to fill in behind the desk. I have no idea how often or how busy it gets at a front desk at a hospital but the only night ones I have seen are Emergency because Drs schedule appts only during the day or have clinic hours til a certain time or 6 or 7 for those who work to come after work. Find out in interview what the position pays, and ask if there are minimum guaranteed hours, like if they say they can promise at least 20 hours a week but it could be more. You base your choice making only on the lower hours, the extra is a bonus if it happens, and have a list of your minimum must have income to cover housing, electricity, phone, cable if you must have, and if you may get a night position, you have to think about how to get to it, transportation. Public transportation like buses at night is not a good idea, the waiting alone of a single woman at bus stops is not the safest things anymore these days, even in better neighborhoods. My husband wouldn't have me waiting for a bus and my eyes are too bad to drive for these reasons. So you need to include car upkeep and if no car, the approx amount you'd need to pay on payments to keep the car. You need to get as much as you can collected info on lists now. Go interview and with what you learn there, you decide if you can make it on the earnings from that position. If not, don't take it if you have choices or family to help bill wise until you do find the right job. I left a clinic where they had high turn over of front desk positions and spoke with clinic manager about having to give them my new phone number 3 times in person when there for appointments before they got it right. Most of the gals up front are new with not much experience yet I was told because of the high turn over. They take the position but soon find they can't afford the rent of apts, studios,homes or even a room in a home which is usually taken by college students, and its certainly not enough to cover other bills, so they end up leaving and the clinic is training again in a couple months and I believe they had three or four front desk people in that clinic. I can't imagine all four leaving at some point but that sure explained that problem. Most jobs today do not pay enough for even two wage earners to afford a place to rent. I know of two cases, people I know with kids, where two families live in same house, one upstairs and one in the completed downstairs just to survive and make all their bills and perhaps have a little left to buy anything they need to buy besides groceries, and clothing. You might also consider if not living with the parents, finding roommates, or people who also want to move out, need not have the apt yet but you all have checked out the prices for two or three bedrms and if evenly split, knowing a ball park figure of what your part of rent would approximately be, then all work at find jobs and once all of you have found jobs that could meet what the rent portion is and all your other needs, you will know soon enough which jobs won't work out pay wise.

[view]

i tried several times to get music choice to play some songs by Bruce Springsteen on some of their channels but they have not done it and when Solidad4teens answered it it said something about the rights expiring which i don't believe and hopefully Dragonflymagic can get this in her advice column .

We have Pandora streaming over Hubbys phone to play in our vehicle. I don't do that on my phone. So I am only familiar with this one but know there are many other music playing venues out there. For mine, which I assume would be the same for any other, if a song plays that you don't like, you immediately ask for a new song. What they give you is fairly random but I think they check with the same genre of music before they move on to another. They also look for how many you did like to start playing other artists in the same genre. It can take a long time to even get a song by an artist you like. Howeever currently this is how many companies try to find out what a person likes best to give them what they want. I use Facebook and they tend to do it the same way. Here, the posts you click 'like' on, are the few peoples posts that they show you now, not all posts by all friends. I don't even see all of my family showing up since their changes. I have to patiently click day after day, liking posts I have no interest in, just to get Facebooks system to register that they should show this persons posts on my feed. It sucks, I agree. If there is a way to contact this
'Music Choice' it might be a good idea to ask them if they have a system in place where you can request or have to like similar artists to even get Bruce Springsteen songs. Click on help button and write or talk to someone. They mention genres but not artist choices. Go to this link: https://musicchoice.com/

[view]

I know you have a bit of medical background so that's why I'm reaching out. I have had an incredible 17 year journey with bipolar disorder and a great relationship with my specialist stretching that far back. He's seen me at my absolute worst. I trust this person with my life and their judgment which I follow to a T.

The problem is that any time a medication gets changed which we don't make a habit of it upsets the apple cart and I feel sicker and like I could go around the bend. I have only been in hospital twice (2003/2004) when a medicine was switched for a generic my body didn't take to. I have a wonky system and this doctor knows it. I wound up back on the ward in 2004 for that reason alone.

The problem is that there appears to be a kidney issue related to lithium prolonged usage. It's a mild issue we don't want to have get any worse than it is now. The specialist that I trust has referred me to a kidney doctor and there begins the trouble.

This guy was over 2hrs late to our first appointment and stared at a computer not looking at me nor my mother the entire time I was there. He's since been extremely rude on the phone appointments.

Even before meeting me he made his mind up about taking me off of lithium which has kept me stable all this time. He doesn't seem to care about me going back into a ward either if he does it and hasn't looked at how to keep me safely on the drug but keeps dangling this above my head every time I talk to him and doesn't care about the trauma I've endured when drugs are switched.

I'm not looking for a doctor to be my best friend and appreciate hearing stuff like it is but he has tons of bad write ups on Rate MD and makes me and my parents very uncomfortable.

The problem is I don't want to piss my psychiatrist off by telling him how uncomfortable physically and mentally dealing with the kidney person he referred me to makes me. I'm in constant fear of him and what a call will bring. I don't want to undermine him and make my medical situation worse for speaking out.

I would like a second opinion and a referral to a nephrologist which is what this guy is that starts from a place of compassion and respects what I've been through and can engineer if need be something where the health doesn't collapse and wind me up in hopsital again. I think I've earned that right but how can I tell the psychiatrist that this has been an awful matchup and that I can't work with this guy any further? I'm a fucking wreck over it.

My mother has served as my conservator before when severely ill and she abolutely hates this guy too and wanted to tear him apart but has as have I bit my tongue so as not to have the psychiatrist pissed or changing meds on his own because I won't play ball with his referral. I doubt that would happen but I don't want to risk it.

Am I within my right to speak up about my treatment and how I feel about this person? I'm not over-reacting either because the Rate MD profile for this guy is awful and lists a lot of what I'm pointing out in my post to you as a big problem for clients.

I'm not saying that lithium isn't causing an issue or something needs changing but rather pointing out that if it is there's a compassionate way of handling this and making sure I don't wind up at square 1 with this and a hospitalization for mental health because he pulled something without thinking of my system as a house of cards.

I've fought and clawed my way to get here and am a high functioning individual without many of the symptoms people have of my illness. I want my life to remain as it is now. I'm scared and royally pissed off about seeing that doctor again.

I have a phone visit from the psychiatrist first week of December and this other doctor in early January. If I'm going to do/change anything I need to speak up then or deal with whatever unpleasant things that come. Totally tired and miserable over it.

Perfect timing as I have recently had a referral for a specialist for my eyes. I understand fully how important it is to be able to trust a Dr. The one you were referred to is not doing so because of a care for helping people, only for helping his wallet. Reasons a Dr. picks one referral over another is because it is routine and they have always referred one Dr. and dont want to take time to check out another, or they have a deal with a Dr. friend to sent any possible new patients their way. There may be others such as how much better a job their referral does than others with the same title. In my case, I saw an Optometrist who referred me to an Ophthalmologist in a clinic associated with a Hospital but told me to check with my insurance to be sure it covers the work of that Dr. I checked and insurance said yes. So I called, made the appt which was 3 months away. Then right after making the appt. I saw a button to click to read patients ratings of all the Drs. I looked up the one I was given and three people had real bad things to say, stuff that isn't petty but an example is chewing out their assistant in front of the patient, not listening to the patient or looking at them, and yelling at the patient, not listening to concerns, etc. Some of the stuff I read reminded me of an abusive past husband and I will never again put myself in front of anyone like my ex even to deal with for a short amount of time. So I immediately got on phone, called insurance and asked for a Dr near me as this one wasn't. I was given 3 for the area I mentioned. I called one. She is the first Dr. to ever tell me that the condition I have is correctable by special prism lens or surgery. (I've suffered double vision for 17 yrs and told by 3 different Drs that it wasn't correctable and I'd just have to live with it) I told her so. She said they were optometrists and wouldn't have the training or knowledge of it. I said one was her title and gave the name when she asked and she knew him and was surprised to hear he didn't care either to tell me what was going on. My story goes to show that this happens more often than you would think. People don't question their Drs. referrals. I told my Dr how I heard about her and she wanted to know how I heard about her. Told her where I was first referred to and she looked horrified and said that clinic did not have a good reputation and didn't really know their stuff. Not sure if its true or only her opinion but I am tending to believe her and she was a good Dr. Once you leave the Dr. you were referred to, the referring Dr. has no way of knowing whether you actually saw them because the referral Dr might not be covered by your insurance plan so there's always a chance you will never use their referral. I have called my insurance to find a family Dr. in my area when I got sick of a clinic where mishaps occurred regularly and two talks with clinic manager did nothing to change. So unless you have an extremely rare disease that requires the one person of a handful in the country you live in so you must see them and insurance has to hear from your referring Dr. that it is imperative for a life or death situation to see such a Dr. and push insurance to consider covering the referal, you dont need to have appt with the referral. I get referrals all the time and only sometimes do I go as I had my share of bad Dr.s like you just experienced. I look for Dr ratings, read their bio from the clinic and sometimes theres nothing to glean from that but go to an appt and then decide if the Dr is a keeper or to get rid of them. So I highly doubt you will piss off your new Dr by saying you did not like his/her referral. In fact, your Dr. needs to hear from you of your experience and how bad it was and that its not just you taking things wrong but your Mom was there and feels the same way. Your Dr may choose to never refer patients to that other Dr again. But they wont know unless you tell them. Then you either take another referral name and just go, or check first if covered by insurance, and when you don't like the Dr, call insurance and ask for referrals to Drs with the same title. Once you have a list of names, you choose or have your Doctor choose one off the list but really, a Dr. doesn't have a degree unless they were able to earn it. However, book knowledge isnt enough to make a great Dr. Compassion and care are important as well. I saw a Dr when in pain in back and as I sat moaning through a pain of pain, she actually grinned and chuckled at me. That got my blood boiling! Yes, there are more crappy Drs out practicing today than good ones and a good one will be evident by how well they treat you at an appt. I used to be a caregiver taking my client to one of her many Dr.s mental health and neuroligist included. Of all her Drs, including the mental health ones, I was very unimpressed. I only liked her neurologist. He was the only one who asked questions, listened and was willing to make changes if needed, or keep things same if they worked, etc. I felt a trust in the Dr. Sometimes it can be as simple as two very different personalities, but because of that you feel you don't click with a certain Dr and as a result you don't fully trust them. Forget trusting a Dr. just because they earned credentials because there are Drs with credentials who have done such bad things they lost their license to be a Dr. There are no rules that you must see only a referral given by Dr. They are guessing as they dont have the time to check which ones take your insurance. Unless youre so rich you dont need insurance, which is very unlikely, you must go with Dr.s and referrals your insurance covers. YES, get the second opinion, even a third if you must as comparing a new Dr. to the one you just saw isn't even fair. Thats like comparing apples to oranges, instead of one apple variety from another.

[view]

M/24 so I met this girl last year in university,we became friends. By January I asked her out and we dated for a couple of months (3month). But because of covid my school was closed and I traveled back home as I'm living in another city. so I could only communicate with her through social, call and text....sometimes around June she messaged me to breakup, telling me to never call or text her again (I was deeply crush,because I really loved this girl,but I can't blame her because I was needy in the relationship, super nice to her and i lacked confidence in myself) I've not contacted her since then... I've been working on myself improving myself and healing.

But everything is about to change because my school is resuming next week and I'll be seeing her everyday,I just don't know how to be myself around her.. I thought I've moved on but the thoughts of seeing her(everyday) brings back pains I thought I had healed from..

The thing to remember in relationships of any kind, even broken up ones, is to be yourself. If being yourself is not good enough for a potential partner, then the relationship isn't meant to be. Yes, even the best matched couples can have disagreements but instead of yelling and pointing the finger, there is still love underlying that and so the couple comes to a compromise if that's possible and life moves on. In trying to impress someone, we want to hide our imperfections, feel our shortcomings will turn someone off, or we know what they like, something we're not but we fake it and so the false identity is born. If a person falls for it and due to how hard it is to fake being something else for too long, the person goes back to being their true self and a partner is shocked and then leaves you. This is my awkward version of sharing what I read in a book by a psychologist long ago, of how people create a facade to hide behind, becoming essentially a fake person. Not saying you have done that. But the lesson in all this is why it is important to be yourself. If someone falls for you when you are acting fake, then most likely they won't like the difference when you tire and fall back into your own patterns. I met my 2nd husband on line and before meeting him met at least or dated a few guys. Most were hiding things I warned in my profile I wouldn''t put up with. By the third date, they figured they had hooked me, I was in love with them so it won't matter to now show me their real self as I would love them no matter what. Haha, my first husband was verbally abusive and I wasnt going back to that. If you have no idea what your true self is, spend some time figureing that out. But I think you've got that handled with knowing your confidence must be boosted. I once read an article in a women magazine how to gain confidence. I know it would work for men too. I tried it and was shocked when it worked much better than I thought it might. If you want that info or need it, let me know and I will paste in that document. When there is a break up, the one breaking up has no emotional issues over it but the one blindsided by it, will have the pain to deal with. How quickly you heal from that depends on your brain and your thoughts. We tend to think upon that which we can not have and each time we think again thoughts of a person we can't have, its like torturing ourselves, bringing up constantly the feelings of loss. As you stated, moving back home meant you werent near her so you did not have to worry about seeing her everyday and knowing you can't have her. So now knowing youll see her, you worry and that worry perpetuates more thoughts of her, just snowballing those awful feelings. Now heres the most helpful part. Everyone has a subconscious mind and in many ways that subconscious mind is always there in the background whether you are awake or ssleep and I will explain how ones subcon mind, SM, is causing trouble
for you. Duties of the SM for example are regulating things we don't have to focus our attention on like blinking our eyes and taking our next breath. Another little known fact is that the SM wants to please you so whatever you are focusing your attention on, the SM will think means it is important to you. It didn't get the message that she split up with you. SM's are quite often like little kids, not understanding some things as an adult might. So every time a worry of her or thought of her comes to mind, you need to stop and either verbally tell yourself or internally think the thought that she split up with you and that is over and you do not want to receive thoughts of her anymore. As soon as you say that, within a minute or minutes, it will come back. You repeat the instruction. I gave my SM a name for the purpose it would know I was speaking directly to it. The first day or two are the worst in having to bear the SM constantly barraging you with thoughts. Yeah, I used this too when a guy I'd fallen for, and him for me (before meeting current husband) broke up with me because he was legally separated close to a year, the wife changed her mind wanting marriage counseling instead of divorce and because of the years and children together, he went back to her. I used this to get over the hurt. It doesn't stop thoughts in the future from coming every once in a while. But what happens is the emotional pain will stop. Even worked with my ex husband. He had mistreated him and I only left him because God gave me two choices, leave or stay but if I stay, the stress I had endured for almost 30 years would kill me in a handful of years. I left and am happier and healthier than before. bUT I hate giving up on anything or people so in my case, though I chose to leave, I still had to deal with the thoughts. I can see that ex at family functions like grand kids birthdays and not feel anything bad. When he reminisces about something during our marriage that he thinks was great, he'll say, remember such and such and I just smile and say yes but all my memories of him were not the rosy normal stuff he is delusional in remembering. But to me, it is just a fact of our history, without the pain that goes along because I have been loved unconditionally by my second husband who is with me at these events. It is also easier when you have a new love but it is best to deal with your SM bringing up the memory.

I forget to tell you that when you watch a movie that makes you said, angry ect.... although you know its a script and actors, you still get upset. This is because your SM is aware of the movie, watching it with you and then makes you react based on what you are seeing. So your SM is only trying to please you by bring up thoughts of her and how you need to act around her.

As said by the last advice giver, don't linger but don't act cold and ignore her either. You might try the nod hello in her direction or just a smile and quick glance at her and away again as you continue to pass her by. Small talk is not good because her last instruction was for you to not communicate with her, as texting and calls are talking which is communicating. Asking how she or her family is, she will be thinking its non of your business anyways anymore. If she for some odd reason cozies up to you again and wants to pick up where you both left off, I wouldnt be too quick to do so if I were you. She didn't have the guts to speak to you over the phone, or explain why she broke up. It's probably something she didnt like but thats ok because the right person will see the shortcomings but if they weren't big things that could hurt a relationship, it won't aggravate the right partner. Sure both I and hubby have things that may frustrate us at times but they are little things and don't change our love for each other. Unconditional love is the kind that nothing that happens will change the love for that person on the inside. Our outsides change as we age for example or a person could be disfigured in an accident but those things do not change who they are on the inside. too many today fall for just the outside or lets say the pretty wrapped Christmas package. But when you look inside, all money went to the wrapping so there is nothing much inside of worth. People are like that. So it is important to have a partner who is as into you as you are them. Unfortunately sometimes one person is attracted while the other isn't. This is what needs to be determined by spending time together. Dating is the step after physical attraction to see if this person can meet your needs and wants and if you can meet hers. Maybe she can meet all your needs but you can't meet all of hers. And people keep this quiet when it should be one of the first things discussed when searching for a partner. So in my profile was a list of what I needed and wanted. A need is a must have, non negotional. Example: she knows she wants kids someday. He comes from a large family and hated it and has vowed to never have kids. You need to know this before going long term with a possible partner. Once you have dated enough to know you like the person well enough, then you become exclusive together, gf,bf. If you discover deeper things now about beliefs, morals etc. . . and its something you won't put up with, then you part, but if all is good, you start to live together. Even during this phase, something can come up that you wouldn't have seen going out on dates, like how one keeps house, and how they budget money. If you discover the person spends all they have splurging on themselves and at end of month have to borrow money to pay bills, that alone will tear up a relationship ending in a split up. Its a big thing how you personally think of dating. Its a social thing and status thing for most people. Few use it to get to really know a person. I had to go through that after a divorce, there were a few guys I dated and after so many dates, I finally saw traits and things I did not like at all. Hope this all helps you.

[view]

So I just turned 16 late last month, and now that I’m old enough for a job. I’m more anxious than before to get a job, but I have a big issue, transportation. My mom doesn’t have a car nor does anybody in my household even know how to drive, the part time job I’m anxious to apply for is two towns away from me, not a long drive but the two people I have in mind to frequent between as transportation, could become difficult. And if I risk having transportation complications then I could lose my job if I actually get it. Another issue is that my mom is on welfare, it’s what we survive off of my sister got a job and they cut our EBT off, if I get a job then I don’t know what they’ll cut her down to, but Ik it won’t be good. So what should I do?

We are entering early retirement, and my eyes are really bad, enough to affect my work so I haven't been able to keep jobs. We use EBT also and if your earnings go over the amount DSHS tells you, then they will take money away on EBT, but that can go back up if you lose a job. For that reason, we both were working only part time and told our employers why our hours and pay couldn't go over the stated amount. I do know that if a big enough company, there may be a ride share program or one could be creted. I was part of that for a while, being the rider always, and two others sharing the driving. I don't remember having to pay anything as I was on their way. If you are a bit out of the way, you might pay the driver a little per month, not much as they are already going to the same destination as you. Unfortunately you have to take a bus until that can be arranged if possible. Now you don't know if you will get your dream job even if a
pplying so if may be you will have to take something, anything just to get work so best to then take a job clsoer to home to you don't have to worry about missing work. If you live anywhere remotely close to ares that get snow, and its bad enough, buses won;t run or take alternative routes and as I found, dont stop at all bus stops if there is snow. Happened to me eons ago, happened to my daughter trying to get her baby to Dr. appt. She's wrapped them both in a blanket and the bus kept passing her. Finally a stranger asked if she was homeless, nope just bus-less. Most teen jobs are fast food. But there are some companies that get busier in the summer and need to hire part time for summer as was the case in a large moving company I worked at. We ended up hiring 2 or 3 teens every summer as that was a busier time than other times of the year. Hope it all works out for you.

[view]

Do i drop my toxic friend>

You have asked a question without any background information. Not that we are nosy. It simply isn't enough info to base an educated answer on. If I asked you that question and you were the advice giver, could you truthfully make the best adviced based on my situation and not answer biased on your own experiences?

You say toxic, but I do not know what makes you believe he/she is toxic. So I can't answer based on your perception of it as toxic.

All I can say is that people grow and change. Sometimes for the worse or for the better. Sometimes one of us changes and the other does not. Her I give my own example to explain. My best friend from junior high/high school days, were torn apart as her parents divorced, Dad got custody and moved to another state. We stayed in touvh but as time went on, I changed a lot, from introvert to extrovert, changed my beliefs, and many other things. She stayed in the past in a time warp. Next time we saw each other in person, we could not connect like we did as kids. She was alarmed at some of my changes, my current ideas, morals and beliefs so different from her. I grew for the better as far as I see it and am still growing and changing...that should never stop. But sadly, we no longer keep in touch. For all I know, one of you changed enough so the other one is no longer fun and you feel irritated no matter what he/she says ir dies, I do not know the age and my only different answer would be if you both are female and teens going through puberty/having periods because that is known to wreak havoc with a females emotions, the extra hormones do this until the body gets used to it. Friendship can be affected, and family too. Any other female is a target for you if you are the one irritated. Or she could be the one suffering. I wont go on as that just gives you a couple ideas of what could have gone wrong with a relationship that was once right. In general, if you are friends with someone you do not enjoy anymore, it is best to not to remain friends and go your own way. However you dont just go silent and avoid without explanation. You also do not tell them the truth of what you are feeling in case they are not at fault here. Just tell the person you believe you've changed enough that you just don't get along with her as friends and are ending the relationship. This way, you don't create enemies. Even if its not all true, something has changed, maybe even just your tolerance but he/she doesn't need to hear it and it won't be enough to cdhange any bad behavior in them. You are not their therapist nor they yours. So simply part ways if you feel you must. But if there is something you are skipping over to simply not 'deal' with it, it will come back to bite you in future relationships of any kind, maybe even marriage, so best to learn to deal with whatever it is, that makes you unhappy, and deal with it within yourself. You can not change other people, Only they can come to a place of internally wanting to change and then doing it.

[view]

Hi. First of all I want to mention that I am 22.I have been in a relationship for almost 4 years. We have a baby together. My mom never had a close relationship with him from the beginning. He is not perfect but I love him very much. He proposed to me this weekend. When I told my mom she didn't take it well at all. She kept on blaming me and said that I always disappoint her. She started shouting and saying that she hopes it's the best decision I could make. Now she does not want to talk to us at all. What makes things difficult is that we are currently staying with her until we finish building our house (should be done by December). i am really fed up with her always blaming me and never just being happy for me. She is really a toxic person in my life and I am afraid of her because she lashes out over everything. I want to cut her off but she will find a way to manipulate me. I need help

Is there a Dad in the picture? If so, how does he feel and perhaps he could talk to your Mom and get her to lay off. If there is no Dad, she may be lonely and will always be upset over her child/childrenb moving out to live their own lives. She may not even realize why it bothers her so much, that you want to marry. She knows you're buildingk a house, have a child together, and you're an adult and that someday you would have been leaving her but she was okay with you living there, it was company so the enpty nest feeling was kept at bay. However with an announcement of you getting engaged which tells her that it really is final, you are going to move out, no matter how much she tried to not think of it, thats one more thing bringing her closer to an empty nest, even if there are siblings still at home, they most likely will also move out as soon as they can. If you are the last kid at home, mothers sometimes latch onto the last one the hardest. She is trying to control your actions, rather than take action on her own loneliness. She needs to join some clubs, make friends, meet a guy if widowed, single or if married unhappily,at least give couple counseling a try and work on her own life, not meddle in others, just because she is not a happy person. If she never liked your hubby to be in the first place, enough to keep him out of the house no matter she now has a grandchild he is father to, she could have had a strong enogh dislike to not want him living in her house at all. But She did let him stay and I suspect it was cus she didn't want to lose you. There is no other reason I can think of unless you forgot to mention other critical information.
If your home is not ready when you think, you may need to discover alternative plans of a place to stay. Or put up with everything until you move out. Keep asking friends, perhaps sinces its not forever, someone has a furnished or undone basement that could be turned into a makeshift apt for you for now. If it is Mom fearing being lonely, then it is best to rip that bandaid off, meaning you all leave as soon as possible, give her time to get over being upset, then try later to see if you can arrange Mother daughter dates for lunch out or shopping together or even just baking together in her kitchen. You set how often you like to get together or she will try to have you over every other day which is unrealistic. So as to cutting her off, it only need be temporary. She will control how long before your little family sees her again, by how much resentment she has, and whether she is acting hateful, revengeful and all that sort of stuff. I have had 4 of out 5 of the family I grew up with, siblings included, turn their backs on me and get upset for no valid reason, the adult version of a hissy fit, or call it trantrum and choose to not speak with me for month and one closer to a year. I bided my time. In the end once over their anger, and all was forgotten, they came back into my life. I tried asking my younger sister if she even rememvered the incidence, about 6 months ago. It was over 20 years ago and she did not recall it ever happening and almost didn't believe me. We had a good relationship now. All of us change and grow, heopefully for the better. I did not expect an apoligy, was just happy to get back to a good relationship. So you might hurt yourself worse if you are eager to burn bridges. I know some people are stubborn and won't change til the day they die. But a good many do change, and there can be a good relationship a little while later. I married at 20 and both I and my parents thought he was great. Turned out he had fooled us all and a month into marriage showed his true self which was verbally abusive to me. So sometimes parents can see something wrong with the person of your choice if they are really astute and paying attention and they can be right, so there is a slight chance she sees things that her being older, are just warning lights, like in your car, that something is about to go wrong. Looking back, I know now there were plenty of warning signs at least for me but I was too young and inexperienced to see them and see them for what they were. You are 22 and have said he is not pefect. True, no one is. But I have no way as a stranger of knowing if he has any personality flaws that you may think minor, but I from my experience may see a possible trait that is very damaging to a relationship. Living with future son in law under her roof, if she is normally a healthy minded person, she may have seen something right off the bat that you did not. I certainly didn't see the traits as bad things and made excuses for him all the time. I do hope he is a great guy and great husband material because if not, you won't be treated well or loved and cherished as the vows we say and slowly the love you have for him will die because he didn't invest in you, going the kinds of things that would grow the nest egg of love in your bank account/heart.

[view]

Back in May, I posted a question about me being interested in starting a long-distance relationship- my main concern was the age gap of 16 and 19. We both turned 17 and 20 in August, and the age gap honestly doesn't concern me that much at the moment (I checked and it's legal in both of our areas). My main concern is trying to start the relationship in the first place- over the last few weeks, I've said to her that there's something I want to tell her (that being how I feel), however have never manage to quite send her a message about how I feel. I've given her a few vague hints, explaining the type of 'situation' for want of another word but nothing really which signals that I'm interested in her. I think there might be some interest on her side as well- she sends me blue hearts at the end of her messages every now and again. Could that be a sign of something? Or am I just overthinking (both me and her have a tendency to overthink as well so I think she could be the perfect match for me). Genuinely she's one of the closest friends I've ever had, and I've never even met her in person (first started talking to her around November last year, then the pandemic hit a few months after). I know she's not a catfish or anything- I've seen her and heard her multiple times and I think she's really pretty. This came out of nowhere- I've had a couple of crushes in the past (but this feels silly to just refer to as a crush), however, I never really interacted with them. Whereas with this one, I think the fact that I regularly interact with her makes my feelings stronger. I've had the idea of a long-distance relationship in mind for a few months now, and she also knows that I'm trying to tell her something (have been trying to for a few weeks about how I feel) but just doesn't know what. I suppose I'm sort of worried about her reaction- not necessarily even her answer- just her reaction- I don't want to freak her out. It's a shame it's taking me so long to open up to her about my feelings because normally I feel like I can be more open with her than any other person- me and her are very similar people- and I think we understand each other well. Everytime I get a message from her, it makes me that little bit happier which isn't something I've ever felt before. However, I've never been in any relationship before (and neither has she) so have no idea what to do. How do I build up the courage to ask her in the first place, and what things can long-distance couples do together to make it feel like a relationship? The pandemic has probably gotten in the way of a lot- would love to fly to the US (from the UK) to go and meet her, but unfortunately I can't for the time being. She's one of the closest friends I've ever had, and I'd be interested in expanding the friendship I have with her- I just don't know how to ask her, nor do I know what to do within a relationship, so it's an odd situation.

I am not one to condemn things easily. I have even done my version of internet dating and I will explain in a while. But from what I have studied that proves some of the things I noticed happening, I know now that internet dating, and LDR's are generally not the best way to go. In fact, it would be last on the list of a way to have a relationship. I do believe that couples who were dating and knew each other before going to separate colleges and miles between them or one parter going into the military, that LDR's are a good way to go to keep the relationship going. I support that. But there is something called "Theatre of the Mind" and we ALL fall to that. Here's my story: After a divorce, I realized I was too social a person to remain single and so I joined a couple free dating sites on line. I would use the computer as a TOOL to get to know of the existance of a person. At that point, it is important to screen them online, to see if there doesn't seem anything glaringly obviously bad. But at that point it becomes critical to meet in person. There is a thing called chemistry. You have to be attracted to the persons and both your chemistries match or are close. I set my profile to meet with guys who didn't live further than an hours drive away although it was shorter than that when I first started. I'd chat on line during the week waiting for the weekend so we could meet in person. During the weeks time I spent talking to several guys, each of them sounded like great possibilities, I think I admired or loved their minds, maybe even a bit in love with. Then I met them in person. Here's what LDRs or dating only on the internet can do. It hides certain things from you. One is whether there is chemistry in person. The only chemistry you can get on line cus they aren't physically present is their mind and liking how they think and talk. Another is that it is too easy to hide things from someone on line. They may think and say they don't lie, are loyal or get jealous but those are things easily found out in person. Lastly, it is too easy to intend to promise oneself to someone in an LDR but you dont get to hug or kiss and sex, well its really only two people masturbating, which is fine but not enough to sustain a relationship. The couple in an LDR are both susceptible to meeting and falling for someone who is there in flesh and blood and now find they have feelings for two people. It is a way to hide character faults very easily because you are not meeting them in person consistantly enough to see it they truly are what they say or not. I can't stand cigarette smoke, some allergy with it and put it in profile. One guy seemed great and we met in public places driving ourselves several times before I allowed myself to go somewhere in his car. that's when I smelled stale cigarette smoke like the kind of smoke from those who smoke like a chimney. I mentioned something and rolled down the window. He said his son smokes and borrows his car a lot and but he didn't. Later on that date, he went for his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes before freezing and realizing he'd just revealed the truth and that he had lied before. I didn't want a guy with it in him to lie even once because it meant he was likely to do it in other situations. He had hoped I'd fall in love and then it wouldn't mind to me to marry him. I said this wouldn't work, left and he called and left several hateful voicemails on my phone. Another, I was sure we had so much in common, I was excited to meet him, and when he entered the restaurant and met me, we both realized we didn't feel that spark although it had looked so hopeful. So immediately after we were seated, the first thing he said was, "This is not going to work out, is it." And I agreed, "You're right, I don't feel that spark, the chemistry." We both of course were older in late forties to fifty and had experience with how that should feel and it wasn't there. Sometimes chemistry is felt only by one person and must be by both. I experienced that both ways, a guy feeling it, but not me, or me feeling it but not the guy. On this column I
have read stories of people writing in to tell about their LDRS and wondering if they had done anything wrong when their LDR partner met someone in real life where they lived and was attracted to and started dating while still meeting with their LDR girlfriend boyfriend. I do remember one gal saying she went away to college while she started an LDR with a guy from back home. Her girlfriend eventually got the guts to tell her that her so called boyfriend on line has another girlfriend and she's seen him consistently with the gal. Yet he came on line and told her she was the only one for him. It really is too easy to hide things on line. Right now you have what you called a friendship and that is a good plus you have going for you. The solid foundation to successful relationships is being each others best friend, and the other is being each others sexual equal plus having the sexual chemistry to go there in the first place. So as you can see, only one of those can be fulfilled on line, the friendship part, I already knew when talking to my now husband online where we met in dating site, We called and talked hours every evening and by a week was up, I knew I could always be a friend of his if nothing more. But we had to meet to see if there was that something more we could feel. When two people are friends in person and want to make the next move, I usually say to ask your friend, "Since we are doing so well as friends, I just wondered how well we would do together is we were more than friends, What do you think?
When asked that way, you are not confessing you have feelings whether you do or not so they can't be scared away. Asking their thoughts gives them the chance to okay or say no, they don't have the needed romantic feelings for you. And that is the only thing missing from a friendship that make a relationship a romantic dating/marriage relationship. Since you hCW friendship on line, continue that but you might try that line on her and see if it works. She may then say, yes, lets date and be boyfriend and girlfriend. Which means she thinks it might work. She can go only by your looks and what of your personality comes through in chat. But on the physical level she may not feel anything once you meet, which you both need to do to find out if you both have a real future together. If she is willing to date you online, then she is going to be open to hearing you tell her you love her. But I wouldn't say it on same day as the statement I shared earlier. Give it a couple weeks of dating online. Then you come out and share. You might be realistic and mention that you realize life happens and that both of you might meet someone local you fall for before the two of you can meet in person to know if you two even have a chance. But if you both keep in touch and remain single, then perhaps in a year or two, one of you can fly to meet the other. Of course wiht Covid, nows not the time for a flight or exposing yourself to being around lots of other
people and making such a trip. I wouldn't count
either on the pandemic being over early next year. WHen the same thing happened a hundred years ago with Spanish flu pandemic, there were a lot less people on the planet and World War I was going on. So since we are more people and many choose to not wear masks or can't for medical reasons, it continues to surge in numbers again and I fear it may be another whole year before we have signs its finally over. So I expect 2021 to be much of the same. I'd dbe glad to be wrong on this, but going just by statistics, I'd say theres a better chance I am right. So use the friends trying out something more line, later profess your feelings and make a promise to meet when the pandemic is over. Then if you still feel each other is the one for you, you make plans as any other couple does, to date, move in together and marry. Although its more complicated for you in deciding which of you is going to move and look for work and the other will already have a place of their own to welcome you to.

[view]

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker