|
I like him but don’t want to date him
There is a guy in my building who expressed he like me a couple years ago. Although we never dated or exchanged numbers he would say things that made me like him. He would hold the door for me and compliment me. He did eventually ask me out two years but I said no because at the time I wasn’t interested. The last thing he said to me was I’m here for you and that was in March. I was surprised he said that and felt good to hear something like that. Well, I think the last time I ran into him was October and the only thing he said was Hi and How are you? I was expecting more. I like him but I must admit I believe I should not date him. He has a couple of dealbreakers. But, at the same time, I feel sad that he might not be interested in me. I like him but like I said I found somethings about him that made me think that he might not be a good fit for me.
It seems like he’s no longer interested which is unexpected since he’s been trying so hard this past two years to date me. My questions is what changed that he no longer seems to be into me?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
He's being cordial. He pursued you for two years and you consistently let it be known you weren't interested. He's moved on and likely expects that you have too. He's being nice when he sees you but that's about it for those reasons. That's what has changed the realization that he's wasting his time trying to get someone interested who just plain isn't. He's dropped you because there wasn't a friendship or much else to develop.
]
If hes stopped trying, it most likely stands that he has given up and realized that nothing more will come of him constantly trying. You said at the time you weren't interested. So should I take that to mean that now you are. And exactly what are you interested in? Are you interested in some great aspects about him? One can find that also in a friend of the same or opposite sex. Are you interested because you are starting to see him as cute even though he didn't strike you that way before? Usually, I have found that you react one way to looks and you can separately react to just personality. So are you interested in his friendship and are attracted to him sexually? See, I had to figure this out in life too. I found that there are really only two things important to make up the solid foundation of a romantic couple relationship. One is being each others best friend and the second is both being sexually attracted to each other. Unfortunately most people end up getting into relationship or married to someone with whom they have only one of those two things. I also had to think about what a deal breaker to me was and this will differ some for each individual. A good example would be a woman who wants children someday and a man who doesn't not want any for whatever personal reasons and unlike what some women may think, can not and will not be swayed to go for it. Since there is no such thing as compromise in having a child because theres no such thing as half a child, that is a deal breaker for the woman who wants children. He may be 98% a great guy but that one thing can break up a relationship eventually. Those who marry a 'best friend' only are treated well but there is no sexual satisfaction between them, both or one not attracted to the other, very little, or no sex at all. Also a couple can come together because they have a great sex life, they both can't stay away from the draw to have sex with each other. However, when doing anything that doesn't fall into sexual activities, they act like enemies, fighting, cursing, hitting or throwing things, and lots of arguments meaning they are in no way friend like let alone a best friend. So in your case, you may be admiring him as a friend only, enjoy his company as a friend but don't want to date because you lack the interest beyond friendship, the sexual compatibility. Just because one person likes another who is not interested back, doesn't mean the none interested one is wrong and needs to change their feelings and beliefs. The people who believe they simply will develop the feelings later or the partner will change, are often disappointed and there are breakups again. Its best to be okay with who a person is and be drawn to them sexually before getting into a relationship. I think you just wanted to hear that to know you didn't do something wrong here that changed his mind. And you can't ask him because if he is still squashing feelings for you and staying his distance, you bring it up all over again and give him hope where there isn't any. So it sounds like he is being a gentleman and leaving you alone. Men have to be careful when pursuing women. Once a female has shown time and again that she isn't interested in dating, there is that invisible line he may cross in pursuing a woman where the female feels it is unwanted sexual attention, harassment and he is then automatically in trouble. Do you believe a guy should only stop trying after the female marries and that before then he shouldn't give up? A guy could become a stalker if he never gives up and believes its only a matter of time he can convince her or twist her arm to date and marry him. I don't think you want that.
Since you question why he stopped, it makes me wonder what exactly you expected him to do.
Just be glad he is no longer trying to date you. He was not your one and only chance. Most guys are too afraid to approach the woman. Find what you like and try approaching a guy first, one you are visually attracted to, then get to know him. If there aren't any deal breakers, go for it. If there are deal breakers, wait like I did, passing over many really nice guys with just a couple things that were big deal breakers to me. And believe me I had plenty special ones after a first marriage where I was emotionally and verbally abused. So I needed a guy who'd keep even keel with his emotions, never raise his voice to me and encourage and compliment for mention of a few things and I found exactly what I was looking for by waiting. Mind you I was no longer a spring chicken but approaching 50 at the time. But second time around, I got a man who is so wonderful. So be friendly, say hi when running into but don't go on dates. If he wants to go for coffee to catch up, you can go if you wish but make it clear to him, (so there's no false hope) that you would like to catch up, but this is only as friends and you still are not interested in dating.
]
More Questions: |