|
should i or no???
my coworker just bluntly hit on me in a company email.....and gave me his phone number and asked me to call or text him when i have a minute.....he has a son, i dont have kids.....he's not with the mom so he says....and he just recently overcame stomach cancer..
now that's bold as hell to do that and let the company know u are fraternizing on the job
anyway should i?
thanks
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Work/School Relationships?
Your co-worker is , as you said, "bold as..."! He is out of line to hit on a co-worker, though many still do. He isn't smart about it, put it in writing on company email, where others, including his boss, can get ahold of it.
I would not report him, he's already doing himself in without your help.
You can ,however, inform him that work and play don't mix well, if that's how you feel. I would not, were I you, get involved with him, as he is surely about to be discovered and may even get canned, along with anyone who is participating in his plan.
]
I agree with the other advice giver that not knowing what he wrote in email, we can't know for sure if he was hitting on you. If you've caught him staring at you, it doesn't mean that asking you to test him at work or call him at work means he's hitting on you. In courts, that would be only circumstances as evidence, but not solid proof. Some companies are adamant in training new hires about the company's policies on sexual harassment or unwanted attention from a person. Some companies have a policy but never mention it until there is a problem. And there are a few small companies, family operated who never have such policies. I once worked for such a company. Husband/wife ran it, work increased and they hired 4 females to help them. There was no need for the policy there. Do you even know what the policies are where you work? If its his home phone number or his cell, co workers who work together in same dept or on same project don't get together away from work to work on work related projects. So I tend to think that if it was me, I'd need to know more. I would go to his desk at work, even if another department and tell me you need to talk to him about the email. Since he has a son, you could start off with, "I was wondering if you wanted to talk to me to babysit your son so you and the wife can go out or get away. Is that it?" That's how I would do it so I am not embarrassed to ask if he's hitting on me to find out it was all innocent. Unless some one is a mind reader and can know his intents, its better to stick on the safe side to find out something. If he does say he is interested in you, you can let him know that according to company policy (which is why you need to know what it is) and your own personal rules, you would never go on dates with someone from work and be friendly but tell him to please not do so again. But if he had an innocent reason for contacting you, then listen to what he has to say. I would not email or text him. That's bad like opening a can of worms if he's cheating on a wife, or divorced and has a girlfriend and they check his phone and see a call from you to him.Then you have jealous women calling and attacking you.If u are right and he is after you, you've talked to him to stop, and he still does it, only then is it time to talk to your superiors and let them know whats going on. You can keep hold of that email in case you need it to show your superiors. But I am saying all this not knowing what he wrote. SO I hope this helps you anyways.
]
I don't have the benefit of reading the e-mail he sent to see if he was blatantly hitting on you. I wanted to see because him giving you a number to text or call when you had a moment could be work related unless he's come out and asked for a date in that email or face-to-face. You have to be absolutelty sure of that being his intent before you tell HR or a supervisor of it being out of line.
There's nothing wrong with him asking you out IF and only if he's not directly done so on work e-mail or while working. If he asked off site it would be okay but at work or in company mail is poor judgment by him and can get him fired. If he's made you feel icky or continues with the behavior note it and archive the e-mail so you can speak up about it later and have evidence so you can establish patten of this from him for HR.. If he's used work email and resources to get your attention it's wrong.
If the cancer story is true I would feel sorry about it and what he's dealt with even though it has nothing to do with how he's acting. If he hits on you again at work or in an email tell him you're with someone and would appreciate it if he kept things professional and strictly work related. This gives him a chance to correct his behaviour and apologize for it.
You don't want him to lose his job so trying to deal with it by telling him you're with someone and won't be calling or texting him is the same as telling him to get lost without the blowup. It should difuse the situation so others aren't involved.
When you go to your boss or HR the entire office will find out about the accusation and that you made it. It could get toxic but you're within your right to tell and let them know you feel icky about it.
If your question at the end of your post is about whether to get with him or not I would say not based on his behaviour and how it could ruin things at work. You might be seen as wrong for starting something with him after he asked over email. It's condoning a behaviour.
If you're asking whether or not to tell I would try to difuse things by tellling him you're with someone and won't text or call and let him back off or apologize first. If he doesn't stop take his email(s) and approach your boss and hope they handle it and protect you. You want as much evidence as possible when approaching them.
]
More Questions: |