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Hello there!I'm Mercury,password *********,I was recently banned from this site because I said something really wrong in answer to one of the rates I got,I am really ashamed of it and I think that I already learnt the lesson,the thing is that sometimes I get really worked up and say things which I am not proud of,well my account was reopened once again although I am not able to see my advice column any longer,I really love this site but if things are not the same,then I would like to be out of advicenators and my account to be closed for good.Thanks for your attention.P.S.(I'm not a bad person,and I feel really awful because of what I wrote.) (link)
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Hello there,
Sorry for the delay in responding. I had to look into your case and think about it for a bit.
I don't see any reason to close your account, if you would like to stay.
The offensive thing you wrote has been removed from your account, and will be forgotten.
The only thing I ask is that if you get angry, you handle it a different way. Getting a 2 here is no big deal. I get 1s and 2s regularly, and I own this site.
Everyone loses it from time to time. The important thing is to apologize, and work the issue that caused the blow-up out until you have it resolved.
The issue here is that the number people rate you is completely pointless when used like that. If someone rated you a 2 for a good answer, the rest of us know that that person is just an idiot.
It doesn't make YOU look bad if you get a low rating for a great answer... it makes the person who asked the question look like a mental case or a moron. UNLESS... you freak out about it. Then you look like an idiot too. ;-)
Everyone deserves a second chance. If you would like to stay, then we would like to have you.
Hope you make the right decision.
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i am auditioning for a show tomorrow and i cant find a good song. im an alto. itd be good if you could include a site where i could find some sheet music too.
thanks (link)
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Hi there,
I am not able to suggest a song, but I can give you a far better suggestion, if you wouldn't mind:
It is a REALLY bad idea to go into an audition with less than a day of practice on a song. Worst idea ever for an audition.
It is a much better idea to sing a song you are familiar with already and will not forget when the nerves kick in at audition time.
Better to sing happy birthday or twinkle, twinkle little star than to walk out there and go: "ummm, uhhh... ummm... I ummm forgot the words."
Make sense? :-)
I wish the best for you at your audition.
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Recently i just got a canker sore, i have had it for a day or two or something close to that time frame.
I have a girlfriend and we have kissed everyday even the days i have had it because i would forget about it but now since it hurts a little more i keep thinking i gave her it.. I believe it is a Canker sore not a Cold sore.
Anyways did i give her it? Will she get it soon? Also we perform oral sex.. we were going to this weekend.. should we wait or is it safe to do that? Also should we not kiss ?
I need advice ASAP since it is tuesday and i'm not sure how i tell her this.. (link)
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May I suggest something?
If you aren't 100% certain, and I mean 100% as in have been tested before, and proven it... that this is not a cold sore, then you should get tested.
Cold sores are caused by a form of the herpes virus. Here is the important part: THEY ARE CONTAGIOUS.
While "oral" herpes and genital herpes are different strains, you CAN get oral herpes on your genitals, just like you can get genital herpes on your face.
Imagine having a herpes outbreak on your penis, or penis area? If she has the virus for coldsores, she can give it to you, just as you can give it to her.
More bad news: Condoms do NOT keep herpes from spreading. :-(
So, it may be a canker sore, and that is all well and fine, though you should still let it heal... but if it is a cold sore / fever blister, you don't want to put that anywhere on her, right?
Get tested.
Might as well get tested for everything while you are there. Even if she is your first, it doesn't hurt to have that clean test in your hand for the future. An example of what I mean:
There was a young man on here who wondered how to handle his situation, which would have been greatly helped if he had been tested before he had sex... even though he was a virgin before the girl he gave his virginity to.
You see, he ended up with genital herpes. He knew he was a virgin... but she told her family, and his that SHE was the only virgin in that situation, and that the boy had given this to her.
Over a year later, the truth came out. She had been with dozens of guys before him, but still called herself a virgin because she had done everything, and I mean everything, except lose her hymen.
So, his life was effectively ruined because he believed her and had no way to back up his side of things.
Not saying, in any way, that your girl is like that one... just pointing out that there is NO downside to being tested for everything. It never hurts. Heck, some people have genital herpes just from being born to their mothers who were infected. They never know until it is too late for their loved one. :-(
Anyway, I hope you do the smart thing for her sake as your own.
P.S. Just in case you are tempted to wait until the sore goes away and then go at it... you can transfer herpes even when there is no active outbreak... so be sure, be safe and I hope the best for you both.
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i would like to know if there are any. place i can take my dog. for help. for him and help with the possible bills. i would like to fix it if possible. (link)
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Yes, you take the dog to your vet NOW, and they will make arrangements for you to make small manageable payments.
You can't wait with a broken leg. Get it taken care of now. As in call the vet, now, even if it is after hours, and get your dog taken care of.
If this was a human child with a broken leg would you have posted this here first, or would you have taken the child to the ER first?
Hopefully to the ER.
There is no difference. Someone in your care is injured.
Please don't make them suffer any more than you have to.
Don't be afraid to call your vet. They are there to help.
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Can I get pregnant after he came in me pushed them in Andd after 5miin that He came he washed them outt (link)
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You already asked this here:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=604228
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Does anybody know how I can cancel my account?Or I'd like to be suspended but I don't know how to do it,help? (link)
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Hi there,
E-mail me with the username, password and reason your wish the account closed.
I will take care of the rest.
Thank you.
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Hey DN,
Okay so there was just something I noticed while looking at the "previous questions from this user"
Well I noticed one particular user asked an extensive amount of questions. The funny thing is in one question they were a 22 year old male disagreeing with their girlfriends abortion. In another they were a 15 year old gay male another they were a 16 year old girl who's mom was making her get an abortion.
And another they were an anorexic girl. The list goes on and on. It just intrigued me. Is this someone simply making up questions?
Or is it different users on the same account? it just doesn't make any sense? There was like 55 pages of questions.
I'm just wondering have you come across this before? and is there any reason for it?
Thanks!
-Jess (link)
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Hi there Jess,
Please send me the exact link where you are seeing this. Whatever page you are on when this happens, please copy the URL from the location box and paste it into a question to me.
I will look into it and get back to you.
Thanks,
DN.
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I recently got a tattoo done, without telling my boyfriend or asking him for permission. We've been dating for a year but he never had a problem with me getting a tattoo he never said I can't get it but now he doesn't want to be with me anymore because he says I lied to him and I let another man touch me, its really stupid what he's doing because I have apologised many times but he doesn't want to forgive me. I'm trying to make things right I even said I'll remove the tattoo but he's being so stubborn. What do I do? I really love him a lot and I want him in my life because he means a lot to me. How do I get him to forgive me? I don't want to lose him. (link)
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Hi there,
I don't know what is going on in your boyfriend's head, but I am going to take a guess, which might also reflect what would be going on in mine if this happened in my relationship.
First thing would be to try and understand that he may not even be able to put into words or properly define exactly why he is upset, and so he is just plain mad because he doesn't know how to deal.
I have had this happen in my own life. Sometimes it is a while before you can really explain why it caused you such pain. Surely you have had this experience, right? You are upset, and you make it a much bigger deal than it is... simply because you don't yet understand why you are in pain... you just know you are in pain.
So, having had something similar happen to me, but not tattoo related, just the principal of the thing, you understand... I would like to tell you how it worked out for me.
Sometimes in a relationship, the other person will make assumptions about what their partner is ok with, then act on that assumption.
The assumption is wrong.
Because there was no communication, the damage is done.
This isn't about a tattoo, this is about communication and trust.
Sure, it is YOUR body, absolutely!
But when you do something with your body... that makes you COMPLETELY DISGUSTING to your partner, you have to deal with the consequences. You see what I mean?
Your body, your tattoo. However, you can't expect your boyfriend to be ok with this. Why should he be?
Just like it is your body, it is his mind... just like you have the RIGHT to get inked...
... he has the RIGHT to be completely disgusted by this action.
An example:
What do you like about your boyfriend, physically?
What would COMPLETELY DIGUST you if he went and did it?
Penile piercings? Getting "horns" implanted under the skin of his forehead? Tattoo of satan on his face?
How about he suddenly gains 300 pounds?
Did you tell him he couldn't do any of these things? See you are using, as an excuse, the fact that he never specifically told you NOT to get a tattoo. So you are blaming him, and basically saying that he wasn't controlling enough. Kind of funny when I put it that way, isn't it?
At the same time, if he showed up and had done something I mentioned, or something else you find revolting... then blamed you, because you never TOLD him he couldn't get satan on his face... how would you react?
You would dump him, and that would be the end of it, right?
Why? Because, while it may be his body... YOU have to look at it. So when he makes decisions that alter who he is... it becomes your issue too, if you are in a relationship with him.
Now, the other part of this is something else completely:
If he got a tattoo penile region, and it was done by the single hottest woman on earth, AND he didn't tell you about it, but let you discover all this after he had done it...
... how would you react?
Right. Not so fun when someone else is getting inked in tender places by the opposite sex, is it? :-(
Do you now understand why removing the tattoo isn't going to fix things? Because he has no way of knowing what else you might do in the future.
I have had the experience where your partner's little things turn into big things, and they use the same excuse: "Well you didn't say I couldn't do X, so I did it!"
How happy would you be if your boyfriend sat down and made a list of 100,000 things you can't do? Well guess what:
With that excuse you used, this is his only choice in order to be with you. Otherwise, you will do whatever you want, and say you did it because he didn't have a rule against it. :-(
You see, a relationship is a partnership. If you want to be in one, then you BOTH need to be grown up enough to discuss ANYTHING that is going to effect your relationship like this.
If you really want to fix this, you need to understand what I have written here, and change the way you look at life. It isn't about "what can I get away with because nobody told me I couldn't do it?"
... but, instead, you have to look at every, and I mean EVERY decision when you are in a relationship as: "Will this make my relationship with my partner better or worse?"
So, looking at things that way:
Do you think that going, in secret, to another man and paying him money to touch you intimately... so that he can put a tattoo your boyfriend will find disgusting is going to make your relationship better... or worse?
Now, before you get mad at your boyfriend, ask yourself if you made the right decision in this case.
I also suggest you let him read this answer to your question and see if it doesn't help him to explain his feelings to you better.
If you really want to save this relationship, counseling wouldn't be a bad idea.
You wrote here that what he is doing is really stupid... do you still feel that way?
Is it more stupid than having some random dude put a forever mark on you that makes your boyfriend so grossed out he can't look at you anymore?
There is enough stupid to go around here.
You both have some growing up to do, and I would strongly suggest you get into couples counseling.
I hope you two are able to work this out.
Good luck to you both.
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I need know if i can fit a oil pan from 95 neon on my 2000 neon (link)
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Hi there,
I looked it up and found different part numbers for the years you asked about, so it doesn't look like the part will swap between a 1995 and 2000 Dodge Neon.
Sorry about that.
On the high side, though, it is a fairly inexpensive oil pan, as these things go.
Good luck with the repairs.
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friendship mean (link)
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More details please.
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I just swallowed a handful of pills. I DON'T WANT TO DIE!!!!! I thought i did, but now I regret it. How can I make myself vomit? Shoving my fingers down my throat doesn't work. I really need some help. Please, I'm desperate. (link)
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Dial 911.
Right now!
Even if you think you feel better, you still need to go. Sometimes the worst things happen much later, like internal organ failure and such.
CALL 911!
Vomiting will NOT help with many drugs!
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huh?? In NO way i want you to take offense at all..... i am not judging or discriminating against you, however i know and in fact i assure you that one day our mighty God and Savior will open as well as soften your heart to know the truth... it will be up to you to accept it but am sure when it comes you WILL know somewhere in the back of your mind it is the truth. My friend there ARE demons in this world and they try to see how best they can break us down everyday, i am living proof. Epilepsy is not something that individuals should scorn or discriminate against. A person with epilepsy may be just as warm hearted and innocent as any other individual, it isn't their fault they have the sickness. However this disease is meshed with minor demon possession and CAN indeed be healed through the faith and grace of Jesus Christ. (link)
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I have no idea who you meant this to go to, but I am fairly certain it wasn't me.
Some users don't allow unregistered users to ask them questions. When they do, they go to the admin's inbox.
Just thought you should know the intended person won't be seeing this.
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Well this happened a few months back n I feel guilty. Since I have my periods regularly almost the exact date, once when it got postponed for a week I totally panicked. i did a pregnancy test at home twice and it turned to be positive. Me n my boyfriend looked up for early abortion tablets online, also consulted a friend whos married and I took the pill. The periods started immediately. I know I should have consulted a doctor but in my circumstances I was too embarassed to do so. Thinking of the facts that 'I am not a virgin' plus 'I have had an abortion' makes me feel horrible! Not that I will marry this guy, things between us are so bad , I fear a break up soon. How do I get rid of this dirty feeling? (link)
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I am sorry you have been though this.
Certainly the feelings are awful, and you are absolutely, and without question, better off seeking counseling to help you change your life and get over these feelings.
Can I tell you something that will scare the hell out of you?
You are headed for a repeat performance. :-(
You are still having sex with this guy, that you KNOW you will not marry, right?
That means more abortions are likely if you keep this up. Please don't do that.
How do you stop the dirty feeling? Well, the very first step would be to stop doing the thing that made all the horrible feelings in the first place, right?
Which is worse... saying I had an abortion, or I had two abortions?
Have you asked yourself why you are with him, if you know it is going to end badly, and you aren't happy? If you don't have a real answer, and you can't bring yourself to dump him... then please, please this is all the more reason to talk to a professional about things.
To answer your other question: If the tests said you were pregnant, you were most likely pregnant.
I wish with all my heart that you hadn't had to learn this the hard way, but please don't make the same mistake again. You should also consult a physician and be honest. Your records are private, and the doctor needs the complete truth.
There can be complications, and you MUST get yourself checked out.
I am very worried for you. Please take care of yourself. You have made some bad decisions, but you can overcome them and be a better person because of what you have been through.
I hope that you find a guy that is, in this one way, like me: If I was with someone who turned up pregnant, we would invite everyone over and throw a party.
I hope the next time you are pregnant, it is with someone who loves you and the baby you made together.
Please. I am begging you... get out of this relationship before you have to repeat all of this. It happened to someone I know, and the second time is worse than the first.
Take care, and if you need anything else, please write.
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Wh microsoftmouse not working?y isn't my wiewless (link)
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Try changing the battery, and following the syncing instructions.
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I am a 14 years old. It has been 2-3 month since i had my last period. It has been 3 days now since i have been experiencing lower abdominal pain and very painful yrination. Also, i have been noticing blood and burning when . It hurts alot. I can no longer stand the pain. If i take something like midol, it doesnt seem to help! It makes me feel worse and i feel nausiated, i get dizziness too. What can i do to stop this? (link)
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These are all signs that you need to go to the doctor.
Go immediately.
Don't wait a week for an appointment. Go today, even if you have to be seen in the ER.
Your health is important, and this is not normal.
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are you my mum (link)
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If I am, that is going to come as quite a shock to my parents... who have always thought of me more as a son.
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Hi DN. I've been answering questions on this site for a really long time (2005?). Anyways, I never really used this for advice for myself but I thought you'd be the best person to ask. I was dating someone for over 7 years. He was my first boyfriend, met him when I was 12. He also used this site. We broke up a year ago. Well, he broke up with me. Things just weren't working out and he didn't trust me anymore. While I understand this happens all the time to a lot of people, it doesn't make it any better. He stopped contact with me. Didn't tell me why or anything. Just blocked all of my numbers and everyone I knew. He moved on. And I am not ready to yet. I've been trying to, but it's not so easy. When I explain this situation to my friends or family, they just say things like to get over it, he was a jerk, etc. and it doesn't help. I just get so sad when I think about things. I feel like he would be the only person that could understand what I'm going through (or used to as he moved on) yet he wants nothing to do with me. I would have done anything to fix that relationship. Especially because I did some stupid things but I really changed and matured as a person. I feel like if he would get to know me again, we could be friends. My birthday passed recently and I was really disappointed he didn't reach out. I know that I will probably never get to see or speak to him again. I guess I am just looking for some input on how to move on. Thanks for reading. (link)
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Like I said earlier, I don't know how you knew I was the right person to ask about this... but did you ever pick the person who has been through this! :-(
I hope you won't mind if I am a little blunt about some of this stuff. There are things that will only get worse and make it impossible for you to get on with your life if you don't address them, and some of them aren't nice things to think about. Please know that I speak from experience, and only wish to help you get through this more easily and quickly than you might otherwise.
First, I am very sorry that you have had to go through this. I wish you didn't have to, and if I could snap my fingers and make it go away I would certainly do that for you. :-(
The first step towards getting better with this is to be 100% honest with yourself. You can lie to the rest of the world (also not a good idea) but if you aren't completely honest with yourself, you will never fully heal.
Reading what you have written here, it feels like you have left all the major parts out. In other words, non e of the things you have said about how the relationship ended make sense on their own without some outside info that wasn't included.
Now, if you honestly don't know what happened, and one day he just blocked you without a word and you never had any clue at all why he might have been upset... that is one thing, but later in your question you indicate that you know you did some immature stupid things.
You see what I mean? Either he just severed all contact and never told you why, OR you did some things you wish you could take back... can't really have it both ways.
From here, it feels like you know what happened, and you pushed him away through something you did or said, but you are afraid to admit that even to yourself.
Is that possible? It is really hard to look at yourself objectively and just admit you screwed up (if that is what happened, I am not saying it is... only you can say for sure) without sugar coating for yourself... BUT if you can get to that point, you would be amazed how much easier it is to deal with things.
As for why other people don't understand... well, I think this was the hardest part of all this for me. Mostly, people don't really want to hear about it. It is a really rare individual that listens to your problems and actually cares. Most people might listen once, but half way through the tale they are looking for the exit and any excuse they can use to get away from you. :-(
I feel your pain.
You have already noticed that people are giving you cliche answers and easy ways to put all the blame on the other person, right? Well, those easy answers are rarely the right ones.
Is he really a jerk? Could be, I don't know enough to say. Is that the ENTIRE reason that your having this problem? Probably not.
If this is 100% his fault; as in one day he suddenly turned into a real ass, cut all ties with you and never explained why AND you NEVER did anything wrong... THEN the simple answer is he is a jerk, an ass and generally not worth your time.
Problem is: Even if that is true, it doesn't make the pain go away, does it? :-(
You asked why people don't seem to understand, and I think the answer is threefold:
Some people don't understand because they have never suffered anything like this, and just don't know what to think.
Some people simply don't want to deal with your emotional baggage and will say and do anything to shut you up about this as quickly as possible. (Do yourself a favor: Remember who these people are... they aren't your friends.)
Lastly, there are people who have been through something that, on the surface, looks similar to something they have been through (but isn't because of the parts you have been hiding from them about what really happened) and they want you to deal with it in the way that they dealt with their problem.
When you don't just accept their cliche answer of "just move on and get over it" they become upset with you, and start treating you like you failed because you didn't just turn off your emotions like a switch.
That is a problem with THEM, not you, so don't worry about that last group. Why is it they always seem to be the loudest of the bunch? Ever notice that? :-(
I came up with what I think is a great idea, let me know what you think: New law: Anyone saying the words "Get over it!" to someone suffering from any form of heartbreak should be responsible for their own hospital bills. ;-)
My wife vanished without a trace 3 days before our 10th wedding anniversary. People told me to just get over it, even before I knew if she was even alive anymore! What possesses people to be so cruel?
Anyway. Now what?
Well, there is something that needs to be accepted... and you aren't going to like it. I know I didn't, but here we go:
It takes two people to want to be in a relationship.
Any relationship takes excellent communication to maintain.
If one of you doesn't want to be in the relationship, and this is the hard part to accept, then the reason doesn't even matter. It is just over. :-(
That was a really hard thing for me when I finally found out down the road what my wife had done, and the awful truths her mother told me over time... none of it actually mattered. The simple truth is: She didn't want me anymore.
Sure, she fell in love with someone's avatar in WoW, moved across the country so they could live and game together... but it doesn't matter.
Isn't that insane? It doesn't matter. You have to distill this to the simplest elements if you want to heal:
The reason he doesn't want to be with you is irrelevant. Blaming yourself for the failure of the relationship is counterproductive, even if it was 100% your fault.
You can learn from any mistakes you made and not repeat them in the future, but the fact is the relationship is done and accepting that is the hardest part of any of this.
Communication is the other part that makes all of this so maddening. In my case, she made up this insane diatribe about how she was doing all this for my own good. That it wasn't fair for me to have to put up with her anymore, etc...
See, that is the death of any relationship. Period.
Once someone makes unilateral decisions that effect both of you, without discussing it, then the ONLY smart thing to do is sever all ties and never look back any more than you have to.
Why? Well, once someone starts making even the smallest hurtful decisions without communication with their partner, they can never be trusted after that. In my experience, even if they say they will never do it again, they soon do the same thing in a way that has more dire consequences.
Ours started out trivial enough, and soon she had decided to relocate across the country all supposedly for my benefit... it was only half a year later that I learned part of the real reason she ran off like she did.
If she had told me the truth up front I would have tried to work it out. I would have tried anything I could... but once she made the decision for both of us, there is no trust.
There can never be trust again in a situation like that.
Just as with your situation: If he just severed all ties from no reason, and without trying to work things out, then it would be stupid for you to try and be in a relationship with him again.
Why? Well, because let us just say that everything went along great for years... and then one day something happened that your partner didn't like. What do you think would happen? You guessed it, they will do the same thing over again.
People who refuse to communicate effectively, think they are the smartest people in the universe AND think that they should be able to make decisions for you as well... Yikes! Not to be trusted.
If you think about it, this is a high form of narcissism! They think only their needs are important and to hell with everyone and everything else.
They have a tendency only to think of themselves in any given situation. Even if they say they are doing something for the benefit of someone else, THEY are deciding what is best for that person... completely against their will.
If a person won't agree to therapy after showing that this is what they are like, it is foolishness to even think about taking them back.
Why do I say all this? For one thing it helps to know how screwed up the situation is, but most importantly to convince you that this is OVER.
Accepting that the thing is over, is really hard.
Even after you think you have accepted that the relationship is over... YEARS after, in fact, you will still find yourself thinking, saying or doing things that show you think there is still hope.
Hope is usually a good thing, but in this situation hope is your enemy. Kind of like starving to death while you HOPE every dollar you spend will win the lottery.
At some point you need to stop hoping for what you are sure isn't a reality, and deal with your basic needs.
Great, now how do you move on, right?
Well, I never believed this, but I have found it to be true now that it has happened to me: The only thing that closes that wound as completely as possible (time builds scar tissue, but does NOT heal all wounds) is to fall in love with someone new.
I don't mean go out and make an effort to find someone to fall in love with... that never works out well, by the way. I just mean that you need to be open to new people. If you are pining away for a cold dead romance, you will miss the interest of the person you were really supposed to spend your life with.
Now, how about we see if I can read your mind a bit? Do you ever feel like nobody could possibly understand what this feels like?
How about the feeling of being the only one this ever happened to? I mean, sure, other people broke up, but MY break up is special, and unique... and it hurts worse than anybody else's!
How am I doing so far?
The secret is that EVERY single person to EVER go through what you or I have been through feels exactly that way.
There is tremendous relief in knowing that I am not the only guy some girl moved away from so she could slut it up, all the while telling me that she was going whoring for my own benefit.
Turns out I have talked to DOZENS of guys since this started that have stories so similar to mine that only the names and places change!
So, from me to you: You aren't alone. It may take you time to fully believe that, but I promise you it is true.
Great, now how do I heal?
I am glad you asked! :-)
Put as simply as possible:
The same way you overcome anything else in life that is all about you: STOP FOCUSING ON YOURSELF!
Sorry to shout, but that is important.
Get out of your comfort zone. Do something new. Above all things I can suggest, and if you aren't willing to do this, then you don't want to heal:
Go do something for someone else.
Volunteer. Work in a shelter, feed the homeless, visit the animal shelter and volunteer to pet the lonely animals... do SOMETHING for someone beside yourself.
If there were a magic pill that made personal problems vanish, this would be the closest thing to it.
It is impossible to feel sorry for yourself when you are bottle feeding an abandoned kitten every hour on the hour.
More often than any other advice I have given here, this is the one that I hear back from people after they have spent some time adjusting their life so the world no longer revolves around them... I hear back that lives have changed.
About the time you joined the site there was a guy who was ready to kill himself because a girl wouldn't go out with him because he couldn't afford a car she wanted to be seen riding in.
About a year after I told him what I told you, I got an e-mail telling me that he had the pills out on the table and was ready to die because he couldn't live without her... and he thought that what I had said made sense. He did call a hotline and talk to someone right then, but in the next week he started volunteering in a shelter. Over the course of the next year, he figured out what life was really about and how completely useless the petulant princess he was enamoured with really was.
He ended up falling in love with another volunteer at the shelter, and the e-mail served as an invitation to their wedding. :-)
She wasn't a princess when he met her, but she became the queen of his heart as they learned and grew together.
She was also there because her life was all about her, and she was sent there as therapy to try and break the cycle of self obsession.
Consider the happy couple:
He: on the verge of death because Princess Barbie won't have him.
She: On the verge of death because when she looks in the mirror she doesn't think she is Barbie enough, so she continues to try and kill herself past the 78 pound mark.
After a year of volunteering together, and realizing that the world doesn't revolve around them... that you don't have to be in total control of anything for the world to keep turning and that his perceived poverty, along with her perceived fatness don't even exist in the real world... Well, it changed their lives forever.
She: is now a healthy weight, and says it has a great deal to do with being around meth junkies (hard to keep believing thin is pretty when you are around meth junkies... in fact, it may be impossible!) and can't believe she was ever so self absorbed.
He: Realizing that having an operable vehicle, ANY operable vehicle, was a gift that many people would give a limb for changed his obsession and self absorbed need to value himself by what he drove. He also can't believe he was ever so self absorbed.
Basically they both learned how to value themselves by who they were, and what they had to offer the other people in the world, instead of valuing themselves for how much money they had or how much they didn't weigh.
Sorry for rambling, but I love that progress report more than most I have gotten over the years here. These two were some of the most hopeless people I have ever met.
If they can get things together and find love in the face of hopelessness, you can also.
In fact, she had damaged her body so badly she was told there was a 0.0% chance she would be able to have babies... well, through the love they found for each other and the health that came with the hope of their love I hope the doctors all choke on the fact they have had their second child. :-)
This is the place where hope is our friend.
So, turning ramble mode off, if that is even possible for me, I would like to simply say:
Get outside of your normal routine. Your normal routine isn't working out. Change it.
Go be of service to someone else. If you are good at anything, go to your community college and offer to teach a course in it.
Go feed the homeless.
Volunteer in a women's shelter.
Spend an afternoon loving on unloved animals. (WARNING: You may acquire animals this way. Try to avoid this if you can, as taking on new relationships of any kind before you have dealt with your old one usually leads to regret. Example: "I found a new person I want to move closer to... oh, wait, I can't... I have three dogs and 14 cats, I can't move. Damn." ;-)
Tutor people in subjects at which you excel.
Call VOA Volunteers of America, and sign up. You would be astonished how many places you can volunteer.
Get out of your rut, and start focusing on other people. Your problems will seem far less overwhelming... and you may meet the person for you, all at the same time.
You certainly don't have to take this advice... but I can promise you that at some point in the future you will wish you had.
I hope you do well, and if you feel like offloading the rest of the story (the part that I mentioned felt like it was missing) or just need to talk a bit, I will be around.
Good luck!
P.S. If any of that didn't make sense, ask questions. I am falling down tired as I write this, so to bed I go.
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Thanks for reading my question. I remembered my password. (link)
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You are welcome. I am back, and going to get it really answered right now before I head for bed. Glad you figured your password out. If you ever lose it again, you can reset your password by going here:
http://www.advicenators.com/lostpw.php
... just in case you didn't know you could do that. :-)
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(if this repeats twice, i apologize i can't find my question anywhere so i wanted to make sure it was posted)
long story short: was close friends with boyfriends sister, i decided to try and distance myself because i didn't find her a good friend and honestly, i am just busy with working and trying to build a life with him, etc. i rarely talk to her anymore (i'm not one for phone conversations), we only really talk (and the conversations are just fine, friendly) when we're around eachother in the same place with friends.
problem: we have mutual friends, and one invited me to go on a trip with her to go see a band that we both like with some other friends of hers, and i said yes. the trip's coming up soon, and i haven't informed my boyfriend's sister about it yet, haven't been sure how (hate the fact that i feel like i HAVE to inform her, i don't feel this way even with my boyfriend). she's the type that would be angry because why would i get invited over her, why wasn't she asked, she has to be part of everything, etc. so that's been stopping me from telling her as well, even though me NOT telling her'll only make her this way too. i feel it's rude to just text her or call her out of theb blue to just be like,"oh hey, wanted to let you know this. blahblah. so you know. oook, bye." i don't want it to come off like i'm rubbing it in her face or anything.
or i could just not say anything at all and go and then deal with the blows whenever i return? i'm just not sure what to do, what to say. i even deleted a comment on FB the girl made to me about the upcoming event just to avoid any kind of confrontation. the only reason i worry so much is that i don't want her to get upset and then there's strain between me and my boyfriend or anything cause she's not spoken to him for months before when he's dated someone she didn't like, etc.
helllllppp! (link)
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Your first question is here:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=603538
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http://www.advicenators.com/register.php
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Thank you.
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I have hurt my self bruise wise many many many times these past 2 months but today I hurt my knee in the same spot badly enough for it to be a bone bruise. Just now I hit my leg of a bookcase and couldn't bend move or put weight on it for a minute. It's a little better now but I have ballet in an hour and I already missed last weeks class. Should I take it easy? (link)
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If you have actually bruised a bone, then no you should not be dancing on it. As a matter of fact, you should wait until your doctor clears you to dance on it again.
Would you rather be out of dance for a couple weeks (or whatever the doctor says) or for the rest of your life?
Make sense? :-)
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