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I don't judge. I've seen a lot, and the things I haven't, I'm always open to listening to. I want to make a difference. advice
So everytime i get a boyfriend that i do really like, my feelings change all of a sudden. and i dont want anything to do with them. and i dont know why. i mean i really do like them, but i find ways to avoid them sometimes. its so weird. or i get worried that there too obsessive.[sp] and i dont know its so weird.
can anybody tell me why? or anything about this.
thank you!
Aw, I hate having this problem -- It's so weird, right!?
In my opinion, it's usually an issue of it not being a challenge anymore. You're not trying to get the guy anymore so you don't have to be quite as flirty, or work towards anything, really. If this seems like an issue, wait it out. It gets better with time, and if you really like a guy, it won't be a problem at all. Also, make your own little challenges up. Falling in love, lasting a certain amount of time, getting to a certain physical level, doing a certain fun date, etc. Remember that even if you're already with a guy, you still gotta work! (;
If you're worried they're too "obsessive", you've gotta try to put that out of your mind. This could seem annoying once you start dating a guy, but when you start to REALLY like them, it's a good thing. You know you can trust them a ton and that they won't hurt you, to look on the positive side. If it really bothers you THAT much, think about why he seems "obsessed", and think about whether or not he actually even is. Just don't shy away if he seems like he is -- Embrace it! Make this guy really want you.
The avoiding them is also kind of a common issue a lot of girls surprisingly have. If you don't feel comfortable alone with them, start off with hanging out with a group of friends, then alone just cuddling or watching movies or something -- It's not so bad. If you just want your own time, that's also completely fine, just make time for your guy.
Really, there's no specific way to fix these problems. I can tell you from experience it takes a lot of time and patience, and sometimes not even that. Sometimes you'll find these things won't bother you at all very randomly. Once you find someone you REALLY want to be with and know a lot about already, it'll be effortless.
If this all continues to be an issue, I'd recommend you try to find someone you're very close with already, feel comfortable hanging out alone with (as friends first), and REALY want.
XOXO
KAT.
Do you ever keep in contact with your ex? And do you sometimes fall back for them?
To answer your first question -- Yeah, I keep in contact with most of my exes. Some of my exes and I are actually still very good friends, and assuming break ups aren't really messy, it's common to stay friends. No big deal in that.
And it is also really common to "fall back" for them. Personally, I haven't really had the issue, because I like my relationship status enough to not "fall back" for someone. It's easy to fall all over for an ex, though. Very normal, especially if you're still friends and there may have been left over feelings. Once again, no big deal -- It happens all the time.
Sometimes "falling back" for exes is even a good thing, because you've already dated and know what to expect.
XOXO
KAT.
so one of my friends decided to hook me up with this guy she used to go to school with and that she used to have a crush on him blah blah blah..anyways he messaged me on myspace tellin me this too. when i told him i had to get off he texted me and he was pretty cool..i thought. we had a lot of stuff in common and he seemed okay but when i saw him he wasnt attractive and i dont like him so how should i tell him that without sounding rude. or like make something up lol
Okay, if you absolutely think it couldn't work out, just based on the way he looks, that's your choice. I'd just recommend that you at least get to know this guy as a good friend if it seems like you've got a lot in common. You could find a great person out of this -- Regardless of their looks.
If you really, really don't want this to go any further, just let him know you're not really sure of what you want at the moment. It's not quite saying you don't want to date, but it's saying you're not really looking either. If something happens to come up and you end up dating someone, it happens. Just bring it up if it comes up.
Or if he knew about your friend trying to hook ya'll up, just say "Haha. Do you think that's actually going to work?" When he answers, just say how you're feeling -- Just make sure you're nice. Don't be like "YOU'RE UGLAY, BOY." Just something like "I'm not really into meeting up that way," or something like that. Or maybe that you're already interseted in someone?
It's okay to tell a white lie, just make sure it's something you won't regret saying. Don't say you're not dating at the moment, because that could change. Something that will spare his feelings and still be truthful in a way in the future.
If he seems really nice though, give it a chance. Don't judge a book by it's cover, and all that jazz.
XOXO
KAT.
my boyfriend and i are having our half year anniversary august the 19th. he told me that we would spend the day together and he would take me out to dinner, also to the movies.
but that same day he is supposed to go to a concert with his best friend *girl*
and he would be gone all day
its my choice whether he goes so:
should i let him go and spend the money on the concert ticket *wont see him*
OR
should i tell him its our nite to share and that he should be there
While a 1/2 year anniversary may seem really, really important, remember that it's just a day. Ya'll should celebrate how close you are every day -- No need to focus on one specific day. If you guys hung out the next day, would it really be so horrible..?
I'm sure he'd understand if you told him that you'd rather him not go to the concert, but think about it. Would he really be happy? I mean, I'm sure being with you would make him really happy, but I mean about missing the concert. Letting him do this would make him see just how patient and reasonable you are, and I'm sure you'll make him really, really happy. Aren't you celebrating how happy you make each other, anyway?
I'd say to let him go, if it wouldn't KILL you, hah, because it'd make him really happy and see even more how great you are! Then, just plan something even bigger/better for a raincheck kind of thing. Just celebrate a day or two later, no big deal.
Tradition's good and all, but ou can really do dinner and the movies and say "Happy Anniversary" any other day. It'll really be a small sacrifice if you look back at it.
Maybe if it's possible you could see if you could get tickets to this show? If not, just let him know you hope he has fun, and you guys can hang out later, and blah blah blah. Hah.
If it REALLY bothers you though, and for some reason you'd feel really upset if he went, ask him to make the decision. Let him know you wouldn't want to be selfish, and allow him to figure out what to do, and don't get angry at what he chooses! Think about if you were in this situation.
I hope you have a great anniversary, even if it's not on the exact day. :P
XOXO
KAT.
i asked this question already but i couldn't see the answers for some reason so here it is:
i really like this guy and i think he might like me back, hes been dropping a few hints and stuff but like he didnt flat out say that he liked me... (yet?) we've only hung out like 3 or so times. im seeing him again this weekend at a party and theres gonna be alcohol there. hes not really a big drinker but he does a little bit, and hes friends with everyone who does. this is gonna sound really stupid but my question is, should i act a little tipsy around him? because i kind of want to see if he'll take care of me and stuff. please don't tell me to act myself and stuff its not like im gonna get flat out drunk, im not like that. i just wanna see if he really does have feelings for me and stays with me...which he has before at a non-alcoholic beverage party. oh and like everyones gonna be drunk, so i dont want him to get the wrong impression of me thinking im like a big party pooper, i wanna be fun, cause i am fun =)
thank youu!
First of all, you definitely wouldn't be a "party pooper" if you didn't get drunk. There's nothing wrong with being sober at a party, and it's good to have someone responsible and sober around, just in case anything bad goes down. Also, remember that you'd rather someone be genuine, right? Imagine if ya'll ended up doing something on a physical level together. Would you rather question of that was the alchohol or him? Think about how he's feel in that case, too.
It'd be nice to see if he sticks with you if you got "tipsy". But it'd be even nicer to see that he sticks with you again, even if you're not drinking. Plus, "tipsy" can get out of hand VERY quickly.
Guys don't really like girls who act stupid/defenseless/like they're trying to impress them, so I don't see why a guy would want a girl to be tipsy around them, unless they just want in their pants or something.
Overall, I'd REALLY recommend that you stay sober, or at least don't try to act tipsy or something you otherwise would'nt. Let things go smoothly sober, or however they're meant to go. You can be tons of fun without booze or acting like you can't handle booze, lol.
He'll probably be really impressed if you can handle your alcohol, or even not drinking!
XOXO
KAT.
Hello, I am dealing with a woman who is crazy!! She is my Kid's stepmom. The kids are 2 girls 9 and 11 and one boy age 8.
Problem is she is way overly sexual toward my kids verbally. And now sexually. I found out from my daughter today that the stepmom and her father went on a camping trip with their combined 7 kids all in one tent. They had loud motion filled sex in front of the kids while they were supposed to be sleeping!!! My two daughters described it all to my horror. Is this illegal? They have sex with their bedroom door open. Her rules are always open doors, because bad things happen when doors are closed. She told my daughter all animals go to hell when they die.She told them a man may rape you and rape is when they have sex with you , and are sick of raping you and kill you when they are done with you. She talks about their sex life while driving in the car. Her oldest daughter talks openly about blow jobs and oral sex on women and she is 12. They go down the road having open sex talks!!! What happened to singing or talking about the disney channel?The list goes on and on. The woman is a 2 time convicted felon for child endangering and robbery and a 3 time misdemeanor for shoplifting. Their father is now brainwashed by her and hasnt seen his kids in 2 months. I live in a nice home with a wonderful fiance and a perfect home life filled with love. I am afraid that a judge is going to make me send the kids to him eventually . I have custody, he has visitation. Any legal advice? Any pschological input on crazy?? Thanks!!
Wow, that's horrible that your kids are being subjected to that -- Especially so visually and at such an early age. While "sex talks" and things of that nature are common in some households (even mine), it's to an extent. It goes to where kids are informed, or maybe joke about it a little bit, and stops there. Not to the point where the kids are seeing sexual acts going on, and a twelve year old vividly talks about oral sex, etc. Kids this age definitely KNOW about that stuff, but being so open about it makes it easy for them to begin actually doing things, and getting away with it.
Also, some of the things she's telling your daughter seem pretty shady. She seems very morbid and pessimistic around her/your children. Is she trying to be funny, or is she seriously talking to your children like this? If it's a serious thing, yeah I'd definitely recommend legal action. Not like you can sue, but custody should be questioned. This isn't exactly a good environment for kids to be in.
I'd say to try to talk to your ex husband. You said he's been "brainwashed", but can he listen to reason at all. Let him know it's bothering you, and that if they can't tone things down, he won't be able to see the kids as easily as he can now. Give him time to see how he reacts/whether or not he talks to his wife. If things don't seem to go well, talk to whoever would be in charge of your custody, and legal issues. See what they can do for you. I'm sure they wouldn't be happy to hear about what these kids are going through at their father's house.
Also, talk to your ex about how these are still HIS kids, too. If he hasn't seen them in two months, he should step up some time soon. It's not really fair to the kids. If you feel very strongly and don't want the kids at that house, let him see his children in a public place.
XOXO
KAT.
I don't know where else to go to ask. I'm going to warn you now that this is probably going to be very long, but I would really and truly appreciate any advice, even if it's not what you think I want to hear.
First of all, I have a weird relationship/set-up with my dad. I'm going to try to simplify it as much as I possibly can.. My mom left when I was a baby and I have lived with my grandmother ever since. My dad has almost always been a part of my life. He's a great guy, he's my best friend, he makes me laugh more than anyone I know, he does things that a dad is supposed to do. The thing is, his presence is my life is very coming and going. Once, I didn't hear from him for a year.
He reappeared when I was fourteen. I just turned eighteen and he has been around for about four years. He's still married to the same woman he was when he left. I love her very much. She's generous and sweet, but sometimes I feel like she is forcing herself to like me. We go places together (without my dad) like the movies, the hair salon, etc. She takes me to work with her. Everything like that.
I see both of them every day. They're probably both my closest friends, and not by default. I love seeing them. I want to stress how close of a relationship I have with them.
The thing is, I'm not really open with anybody about my feelings. I usually bottle them up and then cry about them later, and then I get over it. So I have a hard time telling my stepmom when I feel like she doesn't really love me, and an even harder time telling my dad that I worry he's going to leave me again.
Next month, they're going to London without me. It's not an intimate trip, believe me. My stepmom is going for her job and she wants my dad to go with her. My dad and I share of a love of anything British. The three of us do things together all the time. I don't understand why I wasn't invited. It's not a money issue, either.
I don't want to sound bratty or selfish, so I really hope that I don't. I can't help it that my feelings are hurt. Not only am I being excluded from something that I really, really, REALLY want to do, I'm also going to miss them if they leave me behind for a week. But I'm afraid to talk with them about it.
Please give me any advice, any at all. Thank you so much if you actually took the time to read this, I know it was probably really boring.
First: It's fantastic that you've got such a close relationship with these people in your life. If you fear the woman your Dad is with is forcing herself to like you, just try not to worry so much. If she takes you places with her and seems to enjoy being around you at all, it's all fine. It's good that you guys all get along so well. Don't stress over something good.
If you really feel like your stepmom dosen't like you, you need to try your hardest to open up and talk to her about it. I'm sure it's nothing, but just ask her if she thinks you're bothering her or she has any problems. It will come off as very innocent, and I'm sure it'll end well. She'll probably end up reassuring you that she does in fact like you, and has no problems. If you're really nervous, just try asking her if you could talk to her alone some time, so she'll actually ask you about what's going on and you won't back out.
Have an intimate girl's day, actually. Watch movies and stuff and just ask her what you're curious about. Deep talks don't always mean gushing your feelings out, so it's fine -- Don't worry! She won't get mad at you or anything if you're concerned about her feelings. It'll be fine.
And if you're scared of your Dad leaving again, just try to talk to him about it, too. Like talking to your stepmom, try to get him alone. Tell him you're really glad he's around. See how he responds. If he seems odd about it at all, just ask him if he plans on sticking around. I'm sure that if you just let him know how much him being around really means to you, he'll think twice before deciding to go away. Once again, if you're nervous about it -- Write it out in a card and give it to him, or something along those lines. That, or talk to your stepmom. Now that she's around, he's got something else to keep him in the area.
It really sucks that they didn't say anything about you going with them, especially if they know how much you'd enjoy London. However, remember that you said it was for your stepmom's job. I'm sure she'll be very busy on this business trip, and she'd just like your Dad's company there. While you guys do tons of things together, maybe they'd like some time alone? Even if it's for business, I'm sure there would be some down time for your Dad and stepmom to spend together, alone. It could be a nice little vacation-type thing for them.
Just remember, you're also eighteen. Some families stop taking the children on trips around that age, so that could also be it -- Not a personal thing.
But once again, if it's REALLY bothering you, try to talk to them about it. Don't instantly whine about it or anything, of course. Just mention how you'll miss them, and maybe look a little upset over it. Hopefully they'll catch the hint. If not, go along those lines -- They'll catch on eventually, and explain why you can't go.
I'd just recommend that you start talking to these two very important people in your life a little more. It's difficult, but it's worth it, I promise you. Instead of keeping your feelings in, talking makes you feel 432894032x better, and you'll have a MUCH closer relationship, even closer than you are now.
Don't be afraid to talk to them -- They love you very much, and I'm sure they'd be happy to listen!
XOXO
KAT.
im not really sure what promise rings are..can anyone tell me?
Promise rings can stand for lots of things. Some of the most common things they stand for would be:
-Parents giving their son/daughter a promise ring, representing a promise to do well on something/not lie/etc. The usual thing parents give their children promise rings for are to promise to stay pure until marriage.
-Boyfriends/girlfriends can get them to either promise engagement later in life, to be faithful to one another, or to save their virginity for each other.
-Friends can get promise rings to promise that they'll always stay friends/be good to each other.
Really, they can stand for any promise -- Big or small. They're a really nice way to keep that promise and signify how important it is. (:
XOXO
KAT.
what's the easiest way to get over your first love? we were together almost a year. we were each others first 'real' relationship and took each other's virginity. we recently broke up and i dont know what to do now. we havent talked since, (not that i really want to now) and he's trying to make me jealous. i've tried hanging out with someone else but idk. and i can't find anything really to keep me busy so i don't think about it. please help.
It's true, it really does take time. It's going to hurt for a little while, but after that "little while", you'll have movedd on, and even found something so much better.
Moving on isn't always the best thing to do at first. I mean, if you stumble upon someone you really like, go for it, but don't force yourself into anything. Distract yourself with other things -- Activities, being with friends, helping others/charity, reading, movies, writing, getting really into your school work, etc. Charity would be a really fantastic thing to be at the moment. It sounds dumb -- Charity to get over a break up, but take my word, it'll feel really rewarding, and you'll be more busy thinking about the things you're helping with than the thoughts hurting you.
The best thing to do is to usually put yourself in the company of others, in general. If you're not into the charity idea (though I really recommend you, and some freinds try it together even), be with other people. That dosen't mean instantly dating, just being with people you trust and enjoy being around. They'll help you to have fun and think about fun things. Remember not to just stay in the house because you're upset or anything. It seems like it'd be alright to stay at home and relax, but get out there and have fun!
Also, if you find yourself thinking about this guy, do something to distract you or get your emotions out. Just don't sit and dwell -- It's one of the worst things you could do. It's corny, and people always recommend it, but write it out. That, or talk to a friend, or even someone on advicenators if you think you're getting excessive with ranting about your ex, ha.
It'll be hard and takes time. Just try to fill that time with as much productivity and fun as possible. You'll move on to new and better things.
XOXO
KAT.
For the past month or so, my best friend has been at soccer camp. There, she met a boyfriend, and from what I understand, they hang out together all day long.
I've been talking to her recently, and I noticed a change for the worse. Her new attitude towards life is "EFF it all".
School is starting soon, so I asked the typical "What are you going to wear for the first day?"
And her response was "I don't really give a crap. It doesn't matter. I'm just going to school to get good grades and do well in soccer".
That has basically been her response to any subject I have raised whether it be school, the people there, life. I commend her for being so determined, I guess, but I think she has a really bad attitude. And I want to talk about silly girl things, or where we want to go in life without getting a harsh "I don't give a crap." or the underlying belief
"I'm going to make the state soccer team, I don't care about other stupid teenagers. Just me and my boyfriend. No one understands me" etc. etc.
It is possible this could change when we actually get back to school since she her boyfriend lives across the country, and while she'll still play soccer, it's not 24/7.
What do I do? What can I do?
First, it probably will change once you guys get back to school. I highly doubt she can stay so, well bitter while in the presence of like, tons of people and kinda forced into social situations. I'm sure it'll all get better once school starts, but you should try for now, anyway.
Maybe now that she's at the soccer camp, that's all she's focusing on. I mean, that's obvious, but I mean she's not looking at the consequences of what she says at the moment, because she's so into where she is. It's good that she's so into soccer, but she's gotta remember that her camp's going to stop soon, and she'll be back around you and all of her friends soon.
Even if it weren't for soccer, lots of girls have this reaction when they get new boyfriends. It's a weird thing, but it happens. Once she's around you more than him, she'll probably improve a ton.
For now, try to be patient with her. She'll probably realize what she's doing once she's not around her boyfriend so much, and she needs someone to talk to. She'll most likely even apologize, assuming you don't become hostile aswell. Just let her know that you're there to talk if she needs to, because she's acting differently.
If you need to, bring up how she's acting. I'm sure she knows she's being irritable -- Let her know you're worried, and ask her if anything's going on. She can't really reasonably get angry at you for offering help. Let her know that she can talk to you any time if anything's going on, and even about "silly girl things". Even ask whey she dosen't talk about that stuff anymore, lately. Why her opinion changed, etc. The easiest thing to do would be to flat out ask her questions. You won't directly know anything unless you actually ask her, because something COULD be going on you don't really know about.
Just offer her your help and kindness, and she'll remember what a good friend you are. Hopefully after that, she'll get back to normal. For the time being, patience is fantastic.
If she dosen't seem to change at all, talk to some of her other friends. See if they see the same changes, and maybe you can all get together to talk to her about what's going on. Have a sleepover or something with her, and she'll see how much she's loved by people other her boyfriend, and how much more there is than work, work, work.
Best of luck!
XOXO
KAT.
Okay, well i have been doing alot of reasearch. And lately, i know that i need a therapist. I know i have a problem. A mental problem. But the problem is...I am only 13 in a half years old! What therapist is gonna wanna help a teen who porbably thinks its just "Boy Troubles" or something?! And i cant tell my family. They wont take me...becuase they dont have enough money..and because they dont know how i feel. i normally hide my emotions. They think im fine. And i need help a.s.a.p or im afriad things might get worse!
please help me! any advice will do!
Thank you sooooooooo much!
- love Nikki (:
If you feel you have a serious problem that's getting in the way of your normal life/happiness/etc., they will take you seriously if they're professional at all. If you can't talk to your parents at all, maybe try talking to a teacher or guidance counselor about getting outside therapy?
Your insurance should cover therapy, even if you're on Chip or something, as long as you don't miss any sessions. If you have to, just look up local therapists/psychologists in your area, call, and ask about your situation. I'm sure they'd be more than willing to help you out. It's very responsible of you to admit that you need help in something.
However, if this dosen't seem to work for you for some reason (it should), talk to your parents. It might be embarassing or scary, but whatever's going on, I'm sure they can help. And if they can't, they'll get you to the proper place where you'll be able to get help.
If all else fails, I'd recommend to talk to the school counselor. They're licensed therapists, and they're really nice, though no one really tends to go to them anymore. They can help more than you think.
It'll all be okay, and if you ever need help, talk to a friend, parent, stranger, etc.
XOXO
KAT.
I'm not really sure how to start this so I'm just going to jump right in...
I was in a very abusive relationship for about 2 years, the guy hit me and would call me fat and just a lot of really bad things that I don't like to talk about.
Well, I got out of that relationship and it's been about a year and a half almost 2 years since then but I'm still having a very hard time with guys.
Every guy I've met (since the ex that abused me) stops talking to me. I always seem to scare them off I think. And I think it's because I'm very scared of guys and I tend to overreact over things because of it.
Any time a guy I meet does something my ex used to do I get scared because I'm so afraid of being adused again and being in a bad relationship like that so I freak out.
Like for instance the last guy I tried to talk to, he wanted me to "open up to him" because he said I seemed so sad and he wanted to know why. So I let my gaurd down and I told him SOME of the things that happened. Well, after I told the guy he started acting different before he left my house and he didn't call me when he got home, but he said he'd text me in the morning, well it was about 11am and he didnt text or call so I started texting him telling him how stupid i was for opening up to him and how he's acting different and he got really mad at me saying he was sleeping and how he doesn't understand how he was acting different. Well, we were fighting almost all day but I said I was sorry and things SEEMED fine because I thought we worked it out. But then after that he stopped talking to me... I tired texting him but he never responded and when I saw him he acted like he didn't know me so I started to do the same.
My question is, how do I stop scaring good guys off just because of what one bad guy did to me? I don't like people thinking I'm crazy, I'm not I'm just very scared and push people away. But I do just want to be liked and I'd like to be in a good relationship and I feel like just because of that one bad one it's ruined my chances and I feel like I don't even know how to act anymore around people. The abusive guy was my first bf, and I did sleep with him and not really by choice (not sure if that matters.) It was just very bad and my self esteem got very low. Does anyone have any suggestions? (sorry this is so long...)
First: Don't let this guy who abused you in the past to continue to ruin your life. That's the worst thing you could to -- To subject to this, and allow yourself to be let down. Don't let ANYONE destroy you! You were strong enough to get out of that relationship, and you're strong enough to not your past hold you down. You've gotta have the strength to go forward. It's hard, but you've won the most difficult of the battle already -- Getting out of the abusive relationship. You can do this!
Remember that your ex is the only guy exactly like him, just like there's no one exactly like you. While these people may do similar things, that dosen't mean they'll end up like him. And you've got the knowledge now that, if something were to go wrong, you'd know how to get out of it. These guys are giving you chances, and as scary as it can be, you have to give them some chances too. Imagine it as if you're starting over, completely fresh again. It's like you're just beginning to date again. It's scary and uncertain, and you've gotta wait it out to see how things go. The guys you're pushing away could really turn out to be some of the best, with a little effort on both parts.
It's weird that the guy you "opened up" to stopped talking to you. It was a really odd reaction -- Perhaps he couldn't handle that kind of information? I'm really not sure. Just take my word that all guys aren't like that. It was actually a very good thing that you opened up and let him in like that, though it didn't SEEM to result well. Most guys would be happy that you told them what's been getting to you, and they'd be more than willing to help you out.
The guy who left/stopped talking probably just was intimidated, and didn't know how to be strong enough to help you, despite the fighting. Either that, or he was very impatient. If you find someone who will listen to you, realize the blessing in that. Be willing to talk. It's painful, but the more you let people know, they more forewarned they'll be if you seem to be acting strange.
If people understood your situation, they wouldn't be scared away at all. What happened to you wasn't your fault at all, and no one would hold it against you in any way. Just remember that for the next time you end up thinking about talking to someone about what happened.
Just start your relationships out slowly. It's good that you want a new relationship, but it's obviously going to take a little time to get used to again/confident once more. Start out with friendship. Talk to a guy you trust/might be intersted in about what happened, and see how he handles it. If he can talk to you and understands you well, you're at the point where you can have a normal relationship, because he'll know why you're acting certain ways. If he knows ahead of time, he'll be prepared and willing to help with anything that comes up. I'd recommend not to spring something like that up/not telling a guy at all while you're dating, because as scary as it is for you, it's intimidating for them, too.
Basically, you've gotta get your confidence up at least a little. It's basically going to take a lot of time, and I'm sure you know that. Just as long as you know not to give up. Start with little things -- Just simple friendships with guys, trusting in them, just DATES (instead of long term relationships, just in case they don't end well), which move into relationships, and etc.
It really sucks that a guy, especially your first boyfriend kind of ruined your perspective of relationships/guys. Know that there are some AMAZING people out there, and you've got to try to open up to them, or you could loose some really amazing chances. I'm sure you wouldn't want to allow your ex to rule your life any further now that you're away from him, so don't let him!
You can lead a normal life, and have wonderful relationshps. I promise, as long as you try! (:
XOXO
KAT.
right now im overdosed. i probably wont even remember that i wrote this. but i took like 10 advil, some pepto bismol, an anitbacteria pill. i had an ingrown toenail taken out today, so ive had shots of like morephine and adreneline? soo i think im overdosed. i feel like passing out and my pulse is a bit fast. my cast fell off of my toenail and blood everywhere. my period started again today, horrible, horrible cramps. what do i take for alllll the pain???????? i cant take anymore, im already overdosed.
15/f/usa
If you haven't already left, get to the emergancy room, like they said! You may be concious and able to write at the moment, but all of the drugs may not have kicked in yet. YOu sound dilerious, so call 911, drink lots of water while you're waiting for them, and get yourself taken care of. No questions.
XOXO
KAT.
ok there is the girl who is after my boyfriend and she is driving me insane so i told my boyfriend that if she really meant nothing to him he would erase her from his msn aim phone and everything which he did but i made him mad so he added her back to everything. so later i told him he should go and talk to jen and tell her she means nothing to him because i thought that she would take a hint and back off. so now she wants to talk to me her exact words were "tell that b*tch of yours i want to talk to her." how do i get this girl to back off of my boyfriend? because a simple stay away from him wont do the trick. she insults me everytime with the same old he could dump you in a second for a prettier girl. how do i retaliate to her insults and make her feel weak against me. and again how do i get her to back off of my boyfriend other than asking her to stay away from him? like what else can i say to make her backaway? sorry this is long
I know you may want to retaliate, because it'd probably make you feel a ton better/more confident in this situation. However, I really wouldn't recommend this. There's nothing wrong with standing up for yourself, but the better thing to do would be classy about it. For your's, and your boyfriend's sake.
The best thing to do in this situation would be to ignore her. If anything, you'll probably frustrate your boyfriend by kind of stooping to her level and participating in drama. Just because he didn't delete her dosen't mean she means more than you, by the way. Be confident! You've got your guy, and he's with you for a reason. If you act all insecure and paranoid about this, he'll probably get annoyed after a while.
However, this girl does sound like she needs to back off. If she says something when you're with your boyfriend, just let him know. It seems immature, but it's not. Let him know so he sees what kind of girl she is. That, and get closer with him. Cuddle/hold hands/etc. If he's not around, just let him know later, and kind of walk away from her. Don't be really really rude, because you wouldn't want her saying something about you to your boyfriend. Just tell her "Well, he hasn't." And walk away. Your confidence will impress her, too.
Also, if you really need an insult: You've got the guy who "could leave you for a prettier girl", and she wants him, right? So obviously he dosen't see any "prettier girls" around. :P
Just talk to him about what's going on, and how much it's frustrating you. He'll begin to back away from HER, and see what kind of person she really is.
XOXO
KAT.
why is it that when guys sleep around, most people think its ok, but when a girls sleep around, people think theyre hoes? to me it just not fair!
It's not really fair -- But this is a really common stereotype of girls, rather than guys now. Personally, I can think of a few reasons why people would be led to believe this, though some of them even apply to guys. I guess that's overlooked. >.<
-Girls, espeically in high schools can show the results better. Aka -- Two people hook up, and the girl gets pregnant. It's much more obvious and extreme than just a guy sleeping with someone.
-Girls are known as the ones who are supposed to be all sweet and subjective sometimes, while guys are masculant and dominant. Girls sleeping around would kind of seem defiant, I guess? I don't know, really.. Haha.
-It probably dosen't really count now, but in the Reniseance, guys judged girls on their purity. If they weren't virgins when they were married, that was a HUGEE no-no. And it's much more obvious for the girl. You can't tell with a guy. Therefore, it was assumed only the girls could only be considered whores.
-Girls talk a lot more than guys. More people know when they sleep around.
-It's a much bigger deal for girls than guys to sleep around. The consequences are bigger for girls in a way, so people kind of see that, I guess.
Overall, it ISN'T fair. It's stereotypical, and sexist in a way.
XOXO
KAT.
14/F I have this best friend that I absolutely love. He is so cool and makes me feel good.He is not popular neither am I. That is why people make fun of him. He also has a deaf ear. I don't know wheather to listen to everyone in my school or date the uy that makes me feel absolutley awesome. Like I am in heaven. Please Help
~~~Unicyclegurl~~~
Go for it! Don't worry about what people say, really. If you both aren't "popular" already, what's the difference? Besides, "popular" dosen't matter in the real world. Would you rather remember a great boyfriend you had in high school, or whether people liked you?
You could both really offer a lot to each other. It sounds like you both make each other really happy, and you both sound so much better than the petty things people are saying. People shouldn't be making fun of him in the first place, but you could help him feel so much better if you went with what you felt, and not what people were saying about him and dated him. (:
If he makes you feel so great, who really cares what people have to say? You'll have something they don't, anyway.
XOXO
KAT.
So I met this guy online that I really like and I've known him for about a year. We just started talking on the phone a couple days ago at around midnight for like 2 hours and just yesterday we IMed each other for like the entire day and talked about nothing. :P
Problem is, we live about 600 miles away from each other so we can't see each other.
I'm 15 and he's 15- what do you suggest? Does he feel the same way about me?
It sounds like you guys are pretty into each other, considering you're talking over the internet and all. Spending so much time speaking like that is good and all, but like the others said: Take precautions, be wary, and think this over.
Like they said, you can never be 100% sure with who you're talking to on the internet. I've known one of my best friends for three or four years now, we write letters and talk on the phone and stuff, but my parents are STILL wary. I'd suggest that if you don't feel comfortable telling your parents, or a responsible adult about this, at least tell a friend -- Just in case (God forbid) something should ever happen.
Not only that, but it's also always that you can't tell how a person REALLY feels over the comptuer/phone. People are always a little different, and can adjust themselves to how the other person seems over the computer, while when in person, it's not quite so easy.
However, if you're very interested in persuing something other than friendship, it's going to be difficult. It'll be difficult to talk much once school starts up (if it hasn't for you yet), flirting won't be the same, meeting will be difficult, cheating is a ton more convenient, etc.. Personally, I'd recommend that ya'll stay friends. It's much easier, and lets you have the chance to get a boyfriend a bit closer to home.. If you still felt the same about this guy after a while, when you can drive, I'd say go for it, but it'd be very difficult now.
That's not saying it wouldn't work at all. You'd just have to make sure you're VERY patient if you did decide to go with it.
I can't say whether or not he likes you back -- It sounds like he does. Most guys wouldn't invest so much time on a girl, nonetheless one he met on the internet. You'd have to talk to him about it, I suppose. (;
Just try to give it time, and see how things work. (:
XOXO
KAT.
i know i posted something like this ealier
and everyones advice was good.
but all this stuff with my boyfriend is making me so sad. and its driving me crazy.
i dont have like any girls that are friends cause me and girls just dont get along
and every guy that i talk to tell me to just break up with him and of course a guy would tell me that cause they wanna get with me
but i know their serious casue they see how sad i am.
but i just cant break up with him. im too inlove with him and ill be ever sadder
but my boyfriend and me live in different states
so the only thing our relationship really relies on is talking and trust and communicating and all that. but we dont even do that.
hes the only person i can talk to for hours on the phone and hes the only person i perfer talking on the phone rather then texting
but somedays ill get a text saying i love you or what are you doing baby. and some days ill get a phone call which is normally at like 1 in the morning. when i should be sleeping..
ive confronted him before about how i felt about not talking and he changed that for a couple days this week. but today it just went downhill after i saw him comment that girl telling her shes cute and shes commented him back saying f*ucking hot.
and that bothers me soo much because ive told him how i felt about that and obviously he doesnt care. and today i commented him saying babbby and he commented me back saying hey booo text me.
so i did and then after like 2 texts he stopped texing me and then i texted him back saying i hate when you tell girls their cute you know how i feel but whatever bye. and of course i never got anything back.
i really dont know what he could be doing behind my back. he could be messing with other girls and its soo easy for him to do it too cause we live in different states.
hes suppose to come down on the 13th and im wondering if thats actually gonna happen because he cant even call me back when he says and keep simple promises so how can i count on him even coming up here?
things were never like this. he has changed so much.
im really sorry this is long. but i honeslty have no one to talk to. and i just need peoples advice.
im thinking about just not texting him or calling him and just gonna do my thing until he decides to talk to me. and i know he wont talk to me for awhile and ill end up texting him and he will just tell me like every excuse that hes busy with work or stuff.
someone help me. im confused and dont know what to do :[
Okay, so I think I answered your last question, but I'll try to see if I can do anything to help here, if any of the situations have changed. And I hope things are getting better for you!
So you said things got better for a few days and then he just did it again. It's good that he listened to you for at least a little, but if he's going to go back to doing what he was doing before: What was the point in the big talk? It seems fine to give people chances, but he's completely ignoring the way you're feeling. It's really not fair at all to you. Just keep that in mind when you're telling him about this stuff. It's good that you texted him saying that to him. If he didn't text back because it annoyed him or something, that's on him; He deserved it, really!
It's obvious that he COULD be doing things behind your back. It dosen't sound like there's a lot of trust at this point, and I wouldn't blame you for being worried. You need to talk to him about these things. Make him tell you the truth. Even if he isn't doing anything with these girls, it sure does seem like there's something more than "friendly conversation" going on. It's all about how it looks, because that's all you can really go on at this point -- He needs to understand that.
For now, I'd say to wait and see how things go. See if he actually comes down on the 13th, and how things work then. See if the chemistry's still there, and if you guys can really talk about what's going on. That'd probably be something you should keep on a list of priorities for then. To at least mention how you're feeling. If he responds well, maybe give this whole thing a chance. Make sure you can trust him. Whether that be talking to him about it, or having him figure out on his own -- It's something you two really need out of this relationship.
If he ends up not coming or anything, really evaluate this relationship. Do you think it's going to really work out and last a while, sucessfully? Or would it save you a lot of hurt to break up now?
I'd say to wait for him to say something, really. It's really difficult, and it'll require LOADS of will power, but you can't be the only one trying to get this relationship to go somewhere. It dosen't sound like he's trying all that much. While the random sweet texts are nice and all, he should be the one to call first or something once in a while. And make sure you check if he's been busy on MySpace when he was supposed to be at work, or doing something else.
If he dosen't seem like he's being faithful, or dosen't care: Really think about things. Think about the future and everything else, and what would be best for you. While you're in love with him, there's a lot more out there, and it sounds like this love is a little mangled, in a way. =/
Just make sure you give things a little time, and patience. If things seem fine, go with that. But if they seem suspicious or wrong, you might have to have the strength to go ahead and do what's best for you..
XOXO
KAT.
I'm a girl, 14 years old, and theres this one guy who i dated a while back, but i broke up with him. Lately, we've been talking a lot and a started to really really like him again. He was so sweet to me and he seemed like he liked me a lot, too. One night, i told him how i felt and he told me that he liked me too, but the thing is, the next day he started dating another girl, and he told her that he loved her---over myspace. To me, thats stupid, especially on the first day dating and stuff. But anyway, i haven't talked to him since then, and i can't get him off of my mind and its driving me NUTS. Everything i do, reminds me of him, and i see his face all the time everywhere i go. I know that sounds stupid, but its true. Idk what i should do about it. And thinking about it puts me in a bad mood, and makes me take it out on my family and stuff. I am trying so hard to forget about him, but i think about how he makes me feel, and i just can't. I just have no idea how to handle this situation. >.<
-jess
Jess, never let a guy make you think any less of yourself. You're an amazing person, gorgeous, and deserve only the best!
It was pretty lame of this guy to tell another girl he "loved" her over MySpace. While he could be a really loving guy, it's likely he didn't mean what he told her, especially considering he couldn't say it in person. There's always going to be guys out there who will say "I love you", and even maybe think they mean it within the few weeks of dating. It's kind of naieve, but I can't say I know for sure that they grow out of it.
Remember: Just because he asked the other girl out, dosen't mean he didn't have any feelings for you. Maybe he wasn't lying about liking you too, he just probably made a weird decision based on his heart, not his brain.
It wasn't really fair of him to tell you he liked you and then go and ask someone out. Maybe he didn't expect any commitment to have to come from you guys being so honest, because you were already friends? Basically, you got the short end of the stick, and as unfair as it was, you'll have to sort out the mess.
From what you said about how he told this girl he "loved" her the first day and all, I'm not sure how long they'll last. Maybe they had feelings for each other for a long time, but if he liked another girl (aka you) beforehand, and they're saying things like that over MySpace, I'm questioning how genuine this relationship will be. But I'm not saying keep yourself hung up on him. That's your choice, and while I'd advise against it from experience, it's your's to make. The best thing to do here would probably be to cut him off, forget him. But that's hard, obviously. I'm just saying keeping your hopes up really really high would probably keep lingering feelings, as well as hurt.
It's not stupid at all to have this reaction to something like this. If you used to think about him a lot, chances are you'll think about him even more now that you've got this big situation to muse over. It's normal, don't put yourself down for it.
It sounds like you need closure, in my opinion. If you've still got all of these thoughts and questions floating around unanswered, you're bound to want to think them over! It's awkward, and it might hurt, but it's like a shot -- You've gotta get it over with to feel better; Talk to him. It dosen't have to be in person, he's obviously got a MySpace, but let him know why you're confused. Ask him why he did what he did. If you guys haven't talked since then anyway, there's not much to lose. Just ask him why he told you he liked you. If he tells you it's because he wanted to be honest or something, ask him why he chose the other girl. Why not you? Ask him anything that's getting to you. Don't leave anything out. Get everything done at once, so you've got all of the answers you need. I'm stressing this point: DON'T HOLD BACK. You'll feel a lot better, even if his answers really suck, once you at least have answers. Don't give up, either. If he's not answering you, send the message again. Be persistant. That, or get a friend to tell him to respond.
Once you know everything, it'll slowly get better. It's going to take time, but I promise you it will get better. It is a lot better if you distract yourself, though. Try to read a lot. Watching tv is usually boring and you'll end up thinking anyway. Hang out with friends (*cough*, haha), listen to upbeat songs, swim, find something really confusing to think about, or try to start helping others. Join a site like this, or maybe even do some charity. It'll get your mind off of him and onto something else.
Just try not to concentrate so hard on him and what he did to you. The less you think about him, the easier it'll get. Also, make yourself available to other guys. Don't keep yourself stuck here for him. You're much better than that, and you've got the strength to get through this! (:
XOXO
KAT.
me and my boyfriend live in different states
and we talk somewhat more then we did before becasue we got into a huge fight about it and i guess he realized i was right
but girls will add him on myspace and he tells them their cute.
and it makes me mad cause hes suppose to be with me. and i dont go do that stuff
and ive told him before about this and hes like im not doing anything shes just my bestfriend
well this girl is like a new friend and they dont know eachother at all
and it makes me so mad cause he doesnt understand my feelings
and i commented him and he told me to text him so i did
and he said one thing to me and i texted him back twice
and then i told him that i hate when he comments girls about being cute
and of course he didnt text me back. im getting soo frustrated with our relationship
and i know all we can do is talk about it. but he likes to call me at like 2 in the morning when a normal person is suppose to be sleeping at that time. but i dont cause i wait up all night for him to call. and sometimes he doesnt even call
and yesterday i took a survey on myspace and it said she did you last text and it was like mike and justin
justin is my friend and mike is my exbf..
and he asked me who they were and he got mad when i told him who mike was and i tohught it wa cute
but he cant get mad at me cause he talks to soo many girls.
but should i worry about him calling girls cute on myspace?
i know i shouldnt but we live in different states
and he could be messaging that girl right now or like talking to her on the phonee
he cna be doing anything without me knowing
i need helppp :[
sorry that this was long
and probably confusing
You're right -- He really could be doing anything with other girls, on MySpace or not. Long distance relationships require a TON of trust and patience. Consider if you both have enough trust and patience to continue this. Are you dating out of habit, or do you two still really care about each other the way you used to? Is this relationship causing more problems or issues between you two? Would it be better if you two were friends? Try to answer those questions, and questions like it, and see if you guys are still cut out for this stuff. If you are, more power to you -- You're strong! (:
To worrying about him calling girls "cute" on MySpace, it all depends what kind of guy he is. If he's naturally very friendly, and talks like that, I'd say not to really worry. A lot of guys use this word really commonly now, and it's just like a compliment like "pretty" or "nice", even. However, if he normally wouldn't speak like this at all, or dosen't even say that to you (or something like "beautiful" or "gorgeous"), it'd be natural to worry a little.
I'd say to try to let the "cute" thing go. As long as he's still talking to you, it should be fine. If he seems like he's talking to these other girls A LOT more than you though, I'd worry a little about that. Make sure he's a trust-worthy guy. You don't need someone lying to you or anything, so when you're unsure of something -- Say it!
Him talking a lot to his new "best friend" could just be him adjusting to the new area. It's really difficult to start hanging out with new guys when coming to a new area, and girls are usually a lot nicer. Just make sure you know about her intentions. If you start to see them getting closer, start asking questions -- You've got the right to. It's not just you being suspicious, it's you looking out for yourself. Don't feel bad if you have to ask him things.
The fact that he got mad back at you is obviously pretty hypocritical. Let him know that if he can say that kind of thing, you should be able to, aswell. It just sounds like you two are both kind of suspicious of each other, which kind of makes someone wonder about the "trust" aspect.
If he's not calling you, try to call him sometimes. It's not annoying or obnoxious. And if he thinks it is, he's not a guy who deserves to have you call him. If he seems like he's busy or something, wait for him to call back. Just don't make yourself wait up until two in the morning, that's just not fair.
For now, just try to keep communicating. If he seems like he's getting worse, think about your relationship, and whether it's hurting your helping you guys get along in life. Would it be best to not be tied down when you don't live near each other? Can he be trusted around other girls? Just make sure you talk to him about all of this stuff. It's okay to be worried, and if he's a good boyfriend, he should be able to put up with that and reassure you once in a while.
XOXO
KAT.