BY no means am I always right or know what to do. However, I will tell you what I would do in your situation and what I know to be the most honest and helpful advice that I can give.
Thanks for asking,
Honestymatters
Gender: Female
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Occupation: Office Administration/Single MOM
Age: 31
Member Since: October 29, 2005
Answers: 72
Last Update: November 16, 2005
Visitors: 7106
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There are these two kids that both like me. One of them split up with the girl they were seeing for me and the other one just started liking me again. The thing is, I can't pick who I like right now..its so frustrating!! They'll always be like "your on the phone with (guys name)? F*** him!" and one of them I've liked for about a year now. The other one I told him I liked him before and he's like "No I want you to see how it feels to feel sh**ty so I don't wanna go out with you again". Now he wants to go back out with me and gets mad at me when I talk to the other guy on the phone! I mean REALLY mad. Can someone help me before this gets outta hand????? THANKS! (link)
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Dear Big Problem,
Falcon has a point. If that is something you want to do, I recommend taking a break.
But, the guy that you have liked for a year is saying things about the other guys because he sees him as competition. It's a natural reaction, although he doesn't have to talk like that.
The other boy at some point wanted to hurt you, to get back at you. Be aware of this behavior, he's vindictive and may cause problems for you if you date him and it doesn't work out again.
I would give the guy that you have liked for a year a chance. After all he split up with someone for you. That is flattering, and deserves attention. The other guy, just started liking you again, but also wanted you to feel emotional stress when you told him you liked him, just to get back at you. That is a horrible thing to do and deserves no attention.
Who do like more? Who do you think will hurt you less?
If you still cannot decide, sit down and make a list. List both boy's good and bad traits. Pick the one with the most admirable/likable traits.
Hope I have helped you a little :)
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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Hi Guys my girlfriend is a couple of years younger than me (23) but she acts like a little kid! When we're out with her friends that are her same age group she's acts completely normal and I am so attracted to her as a person when she's like this. BUT whenever she's out with my friends (their my age) she acts like a little brat, i'm a pretty patient person so have put up with it for a while now, but its starting to be a problem as i feel a little nervous whenever I take her out.
she's acts like this constantly when we're with her family too (she's the youngest child), and i guess her family has treated her like she's the youngest child like forever...
What should I do? I really love this girl, but its just in circumstances where its starting to stress me out. If its a psychological thing i wanna help her through this, just wondering what you guys thought. (link)
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Dear Girlfriend acts like a kid,
That is so funny. Anyway, I read the other Avicenators answers and I agree. You should tell her that you love her and you mean no disrespect but you like her more when she acts like a mature adult.
Be honest with her and open up to her as soon as possible or it will continue to stress you out.
Remember, she is younger, and a woman. She may take it wrong if you do not word it wisely. Just explain to her that you like her when she is with her friends, but when she gets around your friends she acts like a completely different person.
If this doesn't work, maybe you should try acting like a childish brat in front of her friends. See if she likes it. That would be a last resort naturally, but it is a thought. OR just stop taking her out around your friends. When she asks why you don't want her along, tell her.
"If its a psychological thing i wanna help her through this"
This pattern makes me wonder why she acts like this only with her family and your friends, but not around her friends. There has to be something that influences her actions when in these enviroments. With her family she probably feels comfortable and is used to acting that way.(little firls often act like this around their daddies) What could it be with your friends? Is it that she's more comfortable around them than her friends? Being a woman myself, I often find that women will act wierd around guys they really like, trying to get their attention by being cute.
Just a thought. Remember, keep smiling, hold your head up and stay honest.
Hope I helped :)
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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So my friends which are like a group of 10-15 people all hate this one girl. This girl keeps talking about all of my friends and my friends fight back by making fun of her. I know its not right but thats wut i do to.We've been teasing her about everything like her bushy hair, her possey of 2 people compared to ours, her outfit, and pretty much wut every girl finds offensive.Shes also been making fun of us too(not like we care but still)shes been pissing us off. So then one day she started crying and started cussing at us and screaming about being all mean.Now of course we're being all soft to her and saying hi. But she's stilil talking behind our backs. So my question is wut do we do?? And "tattling" is not our style. I rate high for good but not cheesy answers. (link)
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Dear Meany,
Sounds to me like this girl cannot take what she dishes out. She used her crying as a way to manipulate you and your friends into feeling sorry for her. She must be one hell of an actress.
When something like this happens the best thing for you to do is tell her how it is.
You can talk to her directly or write her a letter in pen, not pencil, this way she cannot erase anything and use the letter against you.
Talk to you friends and tell them that NO one is to make fun of her anymore. Then talk to her or give her a letter telling her that the only reason you make fun of her is because she does the same to you and your friends. Tell her that her childish display of emotion was academy award winning and will not work on you guys again. When she stops, you will stop. Don't degrade her or be rude to her this will only make the situation worse.
The bottom line is neither parties should treat each other that way. The only way to get it to end is to call a truce. If she refuses to end the name calling and rude behavior, then find ways to make her realize that she made things worse. I can give you ideas, harmless ones that will get the point across, but I will only divulge them in private.
Hope this helped. Write me if you need anything, I am here! :)
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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I'm really confused about a lot of things. I think that I may be bisexual, but I'm not really sure how to tell. I wonder if telling myself I am is what's making me that way. I've never done anything with someone of the same sex, but I've talked to people about bisexuality and I think about it a lot. How do you know you're bisexual? I know it's probably different for different people, and please don't say "you just know". Thanks in advance, any serious answers will be helpful. (link)
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Dear Bisexuality,
You said "I wonder if telling myself I am is what's making me that way'. This can be true to a point. If you tell yourself something enough times your brain will believe it. It's like convincing yourself.
You will know you are bisexual because you are physically attracted to both sexes.
To tell if you are bisexual, you will need to get some props. Get yourself movies or magazines, (movies preferably, stimulation is better) ones that have all men only, and then ones that have all women only, and then men and women having sex.
If you get aroused watching women doing women, then you are attracted to women. If you get aroused watching men doing men then you are attracted to men. If you get aroused watching both of these categories then you are bisexual. If you are only turned on by men doing women, then you are not bisexual.
Being bisexual is normal it just means that you are attracted to beautiful people regardless of gender. Good Luck, and I hope I helped out.
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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my life at home is hell all i get from my sis is abuse all me n my bro do is ague and fight my mum wont talk 2 me she never speaks 2 me about anythink never asks me if im alright never tells me she loves me never just asks hows my day been always sends me out the room and speaks 2 my sisters friends wont ever talk 2 me about anythink blames me for everythink buys my sis everythink always talks 2 her lets my bro off with everythink if i do what my bro does i will get smacked for it but if my bro does it then its ok(MY BRO CANT COMPRAMISE WITH ME MY SIS CANT BE NICE TO ME AND MY MUM CANT COMMUNICATE WITH ME ) H.E.L.P PPPPLLLLLEEEEAAAASSSSEEE (link)
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I read what the Avicenators have posted and the part about abuse is true, and if this happening then you should definitely tell someone of authority. The sibling fighting is a natural part of growing up. As for your mom not communicating with you, that is a problem. My suggestion: Write your feelings down on paper. Maybe even in the form of a letter to her. Tell her how she makes you feel, and be honest and leave nothing out. Tell her that if she doesn't love you and doesn't want to treat you fairly then have her send you to live with a close relative that will give you the love and support that you need. If you cannot communicate with her, then don't. Just say what you need to say in a letter. Make sure you tell her like it is, and if she is a good parent she will feel ashamed of the way she has treated you. Word your letter wisely and do not lie or exaggerate. Do not tear her down, or bad mouth anyone. If she gets angry with you over this letter, (she is a BAD parent with screwed up priorities) then you should take it upon yourself to contact someone that can remove you from the negative environment she is promoting. I am sorry that I could not be more help. Take care and Good Luck. I am here if you need to vent anytime, just leave a message in my box.
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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Ok, so I kinda like this guy, and he's one of my friends. We aren't that close, but I talk to him when he's around (I couldn't just walk up and start talking to him, but that might be because I'm a bit anti-social). He asked me for my phone number once, but I didn't give it to him becuase I had absolutely no idea why he wanted it; I was in denial that he might have liked me. When he asked that, I did like him then, but I was a little paraniod, and somehow we dropped the subject. I probably gave him the wrong impression. I feel really stupid, and now we don't talk as much as we used to. Is there any way to fix this? Or should I just move on? (Please don't tell me that I'm stupid for doing this, I already am well aware of that)(He's also been dating a few people, which doesn't make me jealous, but I thought I should include that.) (link)
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This is what I would do in your situation.
Write your telephone number down on a piece of paper with a note saying:
Hey, call me. Don't be a stranger! :)
Then sign it.
Then leave it at that. This gives him the chance to call you like he wanted to. You can drop the letter in his coat pocket, back pocket of his jeans or if you go to school together, in his locker.
Dropping it in his jeans requires you getting close enough to grab his belt loop and put it in his pocket. This is a bold move and may to bold for you being anti-social and everything. BUT it will get his attention.
The bottom line is that he get your phone number. Put it in his hand if you have to. This does not require any conversation either. Just pass by him and slip it in his hand and keep walking. Let him make the next move.
Sorry it isn't more, but I hope it helps.
Stay Honest. GOOD LUCK
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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Hi
You just answered one of my questions, you know the one where I'm asking if the guy that I went out to lunch with liked me as more then a friend. Well you and I both agree that it's obvious that he does like me, but you said that he is in love with me!. How do you know this just from what I said he did in the restaurant?
I'm really curious and would love to hear back from you. (link)
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Hi again,
Well, the romantic gaze for one, the way the looks at you, from what you describe is more than infatuation. Especially when he starts asking about 5 years from now. He is saying things to you like “prince charming.” He wants to live happily ever after. Sounds to me like he has been thinking long term. Only guys who truly believe they are in love will think long term.
How long have you known him? Better question, how long have you been close friends? Also, a lot of guys can be courteous and hold the door for you. But how many guys will sacrifice their comfort for yours. Only men with some strong feelings for a woman will do this. How often is he considerate of your comfort. Does he always try to make you comfortable when you are together? DOES HE NOTICE OTHER WOMEN WHEN YOU ARE WITH HIM? Men who are in love will not notice other women. They only notice the object of their affection. Unless he feels that you do not feel the same way. Then he may try to hide his feelings by looking in the general direction of another woman.
If he is shy, then he is not just going to come out say I LOVE YOU. You should stop beating around the bush and wasting time. Life is to short to be coy.
The most important thing is to be honest. Just sit him down over a meal and drinks. If you drink that is, alcohol always brings out the true feelings. Have a nice relaxing dinner, (the evening is always more romantic) and then sip on some wine or kick back a few beers while watching a movie. Act casual, but friendly, then approach the subject. Tell him you have been giving a lot of thought to the conversation you had the other day and want to know exactly what he meant. Find out by simply asking him if he has stronger feelings for you than he is letting on. Pick your questions and choose your words wisely. If you have stronger feelings for him than simple friendship, then you owe it to yourself to take the relationship to the next level. You never know the explosion of passion that can happen when a man-in love- is not shy with you anymore.
Love is a grand thing. The unconditional kind. Above all your lover should always be your best friend in the world. You should talk to him about his feelings for you. Before you get him to tell you how he feels, you should disclose how you feel the relationship is going. A friendship is a relationship too ya know!!
If he denies any romantic feelings for you, then ask him why he is so concerned with you being alone in 5 years. If he says that he just cares for you and doesn't want you to be alone, then let it go. Thank him for his concern and tell him that he is a good friend.
Hope I helped a bit. Take care, I am here anytime you need. :)
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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I appreciate all you have said-really. He did say maybe he was overwhelmed and scared. I did make it appoint to let him know like 2 weeks later i see now what he meant when he said i need to start going out-i didnt see it before and i made a joke and said so if thats what you were trying to prove you did it you can come home now-he was feeling unhappy and i dont know why neither does he. He said he is confused about what he wants...what does that say for him? As for the desperate and clingy i agree and i said to myself that i have to stop he knows how i feel and what i want leave it at that. I realize but i cant seem to do it. why? If you have anything to add please do if not thank you for your time (link)
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You are welcome. As for being confused about what he really wants, well it still comes to his choices. There has to be something he is trying to choose between. Maybe his 10 year marriage left a bad taste in his mouth and he is trying to decide if he wants to be tied down again just yet. A sort of cold feet.
As for you not wanting to let go I can understand. I did not want to let go of my husband after 7 years either. Why? It's fear of change, or loneliness. Humans have a disease that is not genetic, but psychological. It is often referred to as co-dependency. I know I had it bad when my husband and I split up.
The best thing that you can do is to pretend you are moving on. Get up every day and go on with your life. Don't spend so much time on trying to get him to come back. Try to talk to him less and less every week. After you have gone day after day, going through the motions of moving on, you'll wake up one day and it will hurt less than it did the day before. Then a little while later you will notice that it doesn't hurt that much at all anymore. By pretending to move on, before you know it you will have moved on.
It is going to be one of the hardest things you have ever had to do. Losing someone you love is a hard thing to swallow. Here's something I hope you will find funny, but it might work. Take down all the photos you have of him. Gather all his things and anything that reminds you of him. Get dressed up in your best black dress, sit down and go through all of the things you have. Cry your guts out, tell the things that you will miss him. Then take everything and put it in the garage, or dig a hole in the back yard and bury them in box. Have a fake funeral for the love you have for him.
I know it sounds stupid, but it would be a start to accepting his absence.
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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I know what i have to do-im afraid to do it b/c he was my life and maybe that was why he partially left--i did everything for him and not enough for me-and now he is not here and i am still doing it-to an extent-do you think i gave him too much and he couldnt handle that? he knows what he has and what he could of had but he chose to walk away. Why would someone do that? He knows i was good for him but yet he walked away. Why would someone do that? (link)
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Admitting you know what has to be done is the first step.
Maybe he felt overwhelmed or smothered.
Maybe he saw that you needed to focus more on yourself, and leaving was the only way he knew how to get you to realize it.
Most of the time people walk away because there is something making them unhappy.
Confusion usually comes from having to choose between two things but not being able to make a choice. What is it he is confused about? That is the question. He has had plenty of breaks over the last few years. If he doesn't know what he wants by now, then he needs help, not you.
Begging him to come home will only make you seem desperate and clingy. This is a huge turn off.
I would be wary of the emotional roller coaster he has you on, though. It is not healthy and will only lead to self destruction. I have given you all the best advice I can. I do hope that things get easier for you as time heals your wounds.
Take care and good luck.
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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hi, well.. i have been talking to this kid for about 2 months now, and we never hung out.. once, and hes always telling me that we are goin to, but we never do.. and hes ALWAYS talking about other girls so me, like i care or something, or he'll be like talkin to his brother or his friend and saying like " you know how many times i was gonna fuck that girl" and shit like that.. and idk if he wants me for ass, or if he likes me.. my friends think he does, and at times he doesnt, but idont know what to do.. should i stop talking to him.. or what? please help!! (link)
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STOP!! This boy wants one thing and it sounds like he will try and get it form any girl he can. From what you have said it seems to me that he has no respect for you or any other girl for that matter. Anyone who talks about girls that way is just out to put a few notches on his bed post. He will only hurt you, c'mon he talks about other girls in front you. He sees you more as an object, or a buddy than someone he can care for.
Beware of this boy, TRUST ME, he will only make you cry!!! Try focusing on a shy boy. They are mostly very passionate and are afraid of being hurt themselves.
Thanks for asking me and I hope I helped. Feel free to contact me if you need help again.
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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WOW! We do both have the same story in a way. I know i have to let him go-but i cant find it in my heart to do that. He is very confused andneeds time to realize what he left-but i think he loves me and misses me also so thats why he comes over-he does not have to-but he still does. I know that neds to stop but that is do hard also. I only function when i see him and i dont want him to find someone else;but yet i know if i keep holding on it will prolong the "free"time he has. I am tired and drained of trying to get him to come home so now it is to the poijtn where i know he knows what i want and how i feel now he needs to figure it out himself. I know i need to tell him how it is but i also dont want ot not talk to him--I have been through crap with my 2 kids dads-my sons passed away 1 yr ago in december and my daughters lives 2 1/2 hrs away so i just want a normal family for my children and when i thought i finally had it together it walked out the door and my life came crashing down on me. I do not want to date any longer-my children are 5 and 7 they are getting older and im a single mom and not too much help for babysitting-so dating really is not an option for me not at this time and not in my heart. I had 5 years to do what i wanted after my daughter was born and im done playing the filed--well thats why i say i know he needs that time but the thought of him being with someone else-h=olding touching and being with someone like he was me terrifies me and upsets me even more-thats why i think i tell him to come home and let him know i need him--and i know i have to stop that. This is really hard. and i knewit would be. I need all the help i can get to get through this. If anyone has a aim or yahoo i could use chat advice too. My yahoo is instant messenger is sweeteyez4u2. Thank you for you help andmore is greatly appreciated if you have it.Thank you (link)
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Listen to yourself for minute "I am tired and drained" and "i know i have to stop that" You already know what you need to do. Doing it is the hard part. Focus your attentions on something else, like your children. Focusing too much attention on him, is taking attention away from other things in your life. Focus on learning something new, or making improvements on existing things. Spending all your time focused on him is borderline obsession. Any obsession no matter what it is cannot be healthy. Give yourself a make over and just spend some time putting your life in perspective. You may not want to look for another man, so don't. The one that is meant for you will come around when you least expecting him. Focusing on something else will take your mind off of him and allow you to move on with your life. DO NOT PUT YOUR LIFE ON HOLD FOR HIM TO FIGURE OUT WHAT HE WANTS. While he is deciding what he wants life is just passing you by. Good Luck
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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ok, im 13 years old and i have had this boyfriend for about 7 months now. he is having majior family problems and doesnt know how to deal with them anymore. he is one of those people who keep things bottled up inside of him. i told him he could always talk to me about it but i dont think he is comfortable talking to anyone about it. well, he is getting like really depressed and he told me he doesnt know if he can handle it all anymore. he is thinking about running away or killing himself. i told him not to and i pleaed for him not to but i dont think it is getting through to him. he told me that the last thing he wanted to do was hurt me but he is REALLY anrgy. i dont know what to say or what to do. he told me if he does anything he'll come to school and say good bye to me and stuff. PLEASE PLEASE help me! im so scared!
-Leah- (link)
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Dear Leah,
You say his depression stems from his home life. Encourage him to find ways to deal with what's going on at home. Are his parents abusive? You say he won't talk to you about what's going on inside him and that is natural. Just the fact that he said something to you is a cry for help. He doesn't want to kill himself, he just feels that he cannot cope anymore. GET YOUR PARENTS INVOLVED. Talk to your parents and ask them what you should do. Then ask them if they will help you talk to him. The worst thing to do is not talk to anyone about him threatening to kill himself. Tell them what he has said to you and ask if they can give him a place to run, when he runs away from home. Sit down at the Kitchen table with him and your parents, this will hopefully make him feel that someone will listen to him. Talking to you about his problems will help him cope with issues at home. You are in no position to do anything to remove him from the situation, but your parents can. That's all it really is. He feels that he can no longer cope with the problems at home. The truth is, if his parents don't know about how he feels they may not want to listen. The most important thing is giving him a support group. One person is not enough, but it is a start. If you cannot go to your parents then maybe another family member that is an adult. The point is, you need to tell someone that can do something about helping him. Medication to deal with his depression is not going to fix his problems at home. Trust me I have been on the meds and they just make you numb, but you are still depressed. He needs a change of environment. Running away from home is better than killing himself. Try and find someplace safe for him to go. What ever happens it is going to be tough road, and he may even be angry with you at first for saying anything. You need to get it out of him exactly what is going on at home that has him so depressed. If talking to his parents is out of the question, then leave them out of it until he is in a safe place and has time to clear his head. The negative atmosphere that may result by confronting them with this may push him too far. He needs to be out of their reach to recover. His parents may make things worse by lashing out at him for talking about the problems at home. This will only send him farther over the edge. Here are a few links to look into. I wish I could help more, but I do not know everything surrounding his sadness. Without all the info it is hard to say what comes next. If all else fails, get out the phone book and look up the name of a psychiatrist and make an anonymous call asking for help. They have several resources and may even be able to remove him from home.
Try this one first,
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/whattodo.htm
http://suicidehotlines.com/
http://www.befrienders.org/info/index.php
Here is one for your parents to get info as well.
http://www.parenthelpcenter.org/aboutus
If these don't help, try doing a search on google, Keywords "Suicide Help" there are 36 million sites touching this subject. Good luck and write me anytime you want.
Sincerely,
Honestymatters.
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I am 41 year old male, at 18 I married my best friends sister who had been date raped at 16 (not by me) and was pregnant. I married her and raised the child as my own. We took in 2 foster children that we later adopted because she could not have any more. Although I was never in romantic love with her we had a good life and wonderful family. 5 years ago she had to have a hysterectomy and died for several minuets they revived her but she has never came back to "herself" I am now more of her caretaker. There is no sex, romance or even adult discussion. I can't leave her nor want to for the fact it wouldnt be right to leave her because of an illness that is not her fault.
I try to release my stress in the gym and other ways and have developed a very good physical appearance and have many friends, but Im so very lonley. I am afraid to have an affair, it wouldnt be right to either woman, but I so long for the touch, caress and conversation with a woman. I dont know where to turn. Whats your Advice?
(link)
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Dear no where to turn,
Sorry this is getting to you 10 months after you asked the question. I read the other answers and you really shouldn't listen to Jo Jo(or whatever their name was).
You did a very honorable thing when you were 18 and seem to be still doing so. Beware, I am going to take comments from for post to get my points across, ok.
You said, " I am now more of her caretaker "
I take this to mean she cannot do things for herself like eating and drinking.
"There is no sex, romance or even adult discussion" She seems to be nearly a vegetable.
No adult conversation must be hard for you. Longing for the touch of a woman is natural, and wanting conversation, I don't blame you there. You are afraid of hurting your wife and another woman by having an affair. This means you are afraid that you will fall in love with the other woman or vise versa, right. I know this may sound way out in left field but one word comes to mind, ESCORT. Just hear me out.
Yes the gym is a bit cheaper, but an Escort is much more fun and satisfying. An escort has everything you are looking for. It's descrete with no commitment, there's conversation and the touch of woman. You should not feel guilty about having sex with another woman if your wife is as brain damaged as you say she is. I would however keep your sex life secret from anyone else in the family. (like the kids)
Please forgive me if this not something you would consider doing. I just thought that I could help you out by suggesting something that doesn't require you leaving your wife, and doesn't require having an affair. Yet will still allow you to enjoy the touch and company of a woman. If you want intelligent conversation, make sure you ask for a woman with an IQ.
If you need more advice or just want someone to chat with I am here. Feel free to e-mail me genericaddress@peoplepc.com :)
Good Luck I wish you the best.
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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I'm 25, male.
Theres this woman I like, Kim (20), who stays in a studenthouse, Sunday I went to visit, about to walk in the back door (frontdoors a mision) when roommate Joe openes the door and stands IN the door, telling me that they are busy studying or something, so I push past and say "then i'll just say hi and bye", two steps from Joe busy making tea stands Kim, with a pissed-off expresion on her face, I just smiled at her saying hi (thinking wtf)... after a minute she warms up to me and acts her old self.
Thought about this a while, yesterday I send her a sms saying that i thought it was pretty childish to get other people to send her troubles away.
Later we talk on the phone and she freaks, asking me how I could believe that she would ask her friend to send me away, that she NEVER told Joe to do anything of the kind and didn't know abaout it, that she doesn't need this extra shit in her life and threw a few other pots and pans my general direction and killed the conversation without listering.
I've always told her to tell me things straight, no matter if she thought it would hurt me, and that it would hurt more later on if she didn't.
If she needed some time alone she knows that I won't take it personally if she told me that herself.
One of the things I like about her is that shes not stupid, she was standing 2 steps away hearing everything, if I didn't bardge in I wouldn't have know that she was standing there, besides I not really friends with Joe.
I'm not stupid, I was honest with myself AND to her about how I feel and how I saw things.
Anybody willing to give some advice please, I could use some perspective on this, thanks in advance (link)
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Dear Believe in myself,
First, remember Kim is only 20. She is still a girl and will do girlish things. You say she was two feet away from Joe when he said they were busy? In that case, she heard him try and stop you from coming in the door. So when he said she did not know Joe had done that, she is lying to you. Then when you bring up the situation later she becomes defensive. This is a sign of guilt. She is avoiding the subject to keep from being honest with you.
Hummmmmmm You know, just because someone is smart doesn't mean they won't lie. I would say this girl is not being honest with you. I would guess that she doesn't know how to handle that fact that she almost got caught. She sounds childish and is probably going to continue to play games.
Just pay attention to her excuses, liars cannot keep track of their own lies very well. Always talk to her in person about situations like the one on Sunday. Her body language will give her away immediately if she is lying to you. Her posture will shift away from you and she will not be able to look you in the eyes.(unless she is good at lying)She will become defensive, like she did on the phone. Also she may bring her hands to her face and fiddle with something like her hair, ear or jewelry. She may even try to cover up her mouth or look down at the ground.
You can avoid childish games in the future by dating women in their 30's or 40's. They have already played their games and are less likely to have a "Joe" hanging around the house. Hahahaha.
That was a joke to lighten your mood. I hoped it worked.
I suspect that you already believe Kim is lying to you. Go with your gut feeling, it's usually correct. You should never second guess yourself. Doing so will always lead to the bad choices in life. Good Luck
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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I was asked out to lunch with a guy that I'm just friends with (but have suspected that he has deeper feelings for me).
After we ordered he started to ask me all sorts of questions, like where was I going to find the guy of my dreams, and that prince charming wasnt going to knock on my door. Then he told me that he was worried that if I wasnt in a relationship by 5 years time ( I am 27 ) that I wouldnt be very happy.
The whole time the conversation took place he looking at me romantically, and after I finished eating, I applied a fresh coat of lipstick and he couldnt keep his eyes off me.
When we left it was pouring rain and he took his umbrella and covered me even though he was soaked, and walked REALLY close to me.
He has always been shy and would never say he wanted to be more then friends upfront. Do you think this was his way of telling me he wants to be my boyfriend? (link)
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OK, it is obvious that you already know he likes you! Otherwise you would not notice the "romantic" way he looks at you. Yes, asking you those questions is his shy way of saying "I love you but I am too shy to say it." He is probably hoping that you will get the hint and make the first move. He is probably afraid that if he says anything, you will reject him and then things will be awkward between you. He seems very considerate of you. I mean he held an umbrella over you, sacrificing his own comfort for yours. The man is in love with you!! It is obvious and you see it too. Do you have any "romantic" feelings for him? If you want to hear him say he likes you more than a friend, then you should just ask him why he was asking you these questions. Take a chance, you never know, he could be your prince charming :)
If you do not want to hear it, don't ask. Just pretend that you are oblivious to his attraction.
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I have been dating this man for almost 2 yrs. We met on the internet and he was just getting out of a bad divorce. We were dating for almost 3 months and he left me. He said its not me its him and he had some things to clear out of his head. I was broken hearted but I understood. 2 weeks later we got back together and 2 weeks later he left-still confused-i still understood. 3 months passed and i missed him so and we started talking again-we got back together. He sold his house and moved in with me and my 2 children. He has also has a son. Things were very good and in April he asked me to marry him-of course i accepted. Ii was planning the weeding for 2007 and he moved it up to 2006. I was ecstatic so i was planning our wedding. There were times when we argued and yes i take blame for some of them. The last argument we had was b/c of the internet and things i found him going on. Well he kept saying it wasnt him and he did not look that stuff up-cookies did it--whatever. Well things escalated from there and one day he said he cant do this any more its not me its him,he doesnt want to be engaged or get married or be with anyone and he left. I was never engaged before so of course i will be all excited. He was married for 10 yrs and yes its scary for him,but why did he leave? The week he left he got distant from me and i knew something was wrong but i didnt think he was going to leave for a 3rd time. He moved up to his parents like 10 minutes from my house. I still talk to him and off and on he comes over. I miss him so much and ask him to come home--but he says its not that easy it was hard to leave he cant just come back.I understand that kind of but if he loves me why is he not coming back? what does he need to think about? I miss him so much but he wont tell me he misses me unless i ask-or he wont tell me he loves me-sometimes he does when i say it other times he says "I know". I am so confused and i know i need to let him go and let him be but it is so hard. What do I do?He knows i want him to come home,he knows i love him,he klnows we can move as slow as we need to we dont need to rush,but yet he wont come back. What can I do? Please help.
thank you
27yr old female (link)
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Dear my fiance left me,
WoW. First let me say, I know how you feel. I have read what everyone else has said and I agree. But the confusion has to be coming from somewhere. This is why I must tell you what happened to me once upon a time.
I was in love with a man. We met in the military and did everything together. This drove his friends crazy, because he pretty much stopped hanging out with them when we began dating. I never told him he could not go out with them, nor did I try and stop him from having friends. I would even go out with he and his friends just to get him to go do something with them. He just wanted to be with me all the time and his friends really didn't want a girl hanging out with them.
Anyway, a year into our relationship he began acting funky. He started hitting things and would get mad at the smallest things. He was distant and seemed confused about something. I could see something was bothering him, yet he would not open up to me. That was frustrating because we talked about everything. One day he says we need to stop seeing each other. The next day he says he still loves me but needs his space. A week later he comes running back, saying he loves me more than life, the next week he leaves me again. It was like this for months until I finally said enough. Either you want to be with me or you don't. He says I do love you but I am confused. I told him that was not good enough and kicked him to the curb. I cried for months, I loved him so damn much and had no clue why he kept up the yo-yo act.
Up to this point I had thought he was getting scared to be in a serious relationship. After few months of crying myself to sleep on his old pillow I finally got up the nerve to go on with my life.
Then the slap in the face came. I encountered a mutual friend that I had not seen in a while. (I was too busy hiding) We were having a great conversation until he said "You are much classier than that thing he hooked up with a few months ago. He should have never done that to you, I know if I had you, I would have never let you go."
I found out that one of the nights he went out with his friends, he had sex with someone and got her pregnant. I began recounting events and realized that he wanted to do the right thing by her, but was in love with me. I cried even harder and stayed in my room for another couple of months. Once in a while he would stop by, but I would not answer the door. One night he showed up drunk begging me to open the door, so I did. He wanted to hug me and said he wanted to be with me. He even said he had made a terrible mistake by letting me go. I told him that he had hurt me more than anyone alive and kicked him out.
I still love him to this day and all that happened over 10 years ago. I have since been married, have one son and been divorced. (My husband of 7 years pretty much did the same thing, only got his cousin pregnant) The man I am with now, I love deeply and believe I will grow old with him. That is also what I had thought about my first love and my ex-husband.
The point is that life goes on. You can love someone else who is worthy of your love. Love is something that you have endless amounts of and can be given to more than one person.
He is confused for a reason that he is not telling you because he is afraid to lose you completely. Don't let him play with you, make the decision for him. Stop telling him you miss him, stop asking him to come home and for lord sake start dating other men. Don't take his roller coaster bull any more. Be strong and move on. You will be much happier. Good Luck
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
PS Don't believe that cookies just got there by themselves crap. He has to physically click on a site for it to save itself in your cookies file. How old are the kids? Maybe he/she is visiting those sites. The bottom line is, the sites must come up in the address bar for them to be saved in cookies and in order for them to come up in the address bar someone has to put the address there.
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okay... so my brother always swears at me and calls me fat and ugly and stuff... and he hits, punches, kicks, etc. me all the time. not enough to leave a bruise or anything (occasionally) but i'm not sure if this is considered abuse? also, my mom (my mom doesn't do it a LOT) and my sister both always tell me i'm stupid, ugly, fat, (same as my brother) but they don't hit me unless they're really mad... do you consider this abuse? (link)
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Dear Abuse,
Yes, any hitting or degrading name calling is abuse. Personally, I would not put up with it!! I do not know how extreme the abuse is that comes from your mom, but if she was a good parent she would not be calling you fat and stupid or hitting you. That is mental and physical abuse. It's also against the law. Unfortunately, the fighting among siblings is up to her to stop.
Let me tell you what I did when my sister would hit or call me names. I found small ways to get her back without actually even touching her. One time I nailed her favorite shoes to the floor. Another time I sprinkled itching powder on all of her clothes paying close attention to her underwear. Then took the itching powder and sprinkled it on the toilet paper in the bathroom. I kept a roll hidden in my room that I would secretly take with me into the bathroom so I was not using the contaminated roll. (itching powder can be picked up at any gag shop in the mall) I put a dead fish in a sock behind her dresser. That made her hole room stink and she had no idea where it was coming from. I even waited for her to leave one day and used a needle and thread to sew the legs of some of her pants together. Not perfect stitches but solid ones.
I got into trouble every time I pranked her, but it was worth it to see her fall on her face when she put her pants on or tried picking her shoes up off the floor. The funniest though was watching her itch her butt every time she put underwear on. Eventually she got the hint that every time she hit me, or called me names I pranked her. Vaseline on the phone receiver was another good one or super gluing her hair brush and make up to the counter was classic. Dog poop in her backpack, jelly in a pocket or hair remover in the shampoo. The possibilities are endless. Most of my pranks were harmless, but it got the point across that IF I wanted, I could seriously ruin her day. It showed her that I had access to her when ever I wanted, and that left her feeling paranoid. I even let her know as long as she abused me, she would have to wonder if her underwear were spiked or if her shampoo would leave her bald. She stopped hitting and calling me names and the pranks stopped.
Please do not let the way they treat you stunt your spirit. Don't flip out and kill your family while they sleep either. People are driven insane all the time from being tormented and then they flip out. Don't let this happen to you. A sense of humor will see you through these tough times. It will make you a better person. Everything you endure in your life makes you who you are. What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. Learn self defense and defend yourself.
If things are really bad, and your family truly abuses you for no reason, then maybe you should talk to an authority figure, like a teacher or counselor. You can even call CPS (Child protective services) yourself. Even tell your mom that if she hits you, or allows anyone else in the family to hit you, that you will report the abuse. But if you do this be sure that the abuse is serious and that there is evidence of it. Keep a diary of the fights and abuse. Your accounts of the events must be accurate and honest, no lies. That diary can be used in a court of law as evidence of abuse.
What ever you do, try not to let their negativity consume you. Don't hit them back, don't call them names. This will only feed their desire to abuse you even more. I wish I could help you more and I do not have all the answers (I wish I did). I can only tell you to keep your head up, keep smiling and be strong. Good Luck
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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Hey! Me & my friends are making a video of pictures for all the seniors. What are some songs to use in the background for like graduating & just senior stuff? (link)
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Try some music from Paul Oakenfold, or even Crystal Method. Techno, trance, happy hardcore and rave music can be put to jut about anything in a video. Just a thought.
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I have a question about men. I want to have children some day but havent found the right guy yet. When I do find a guy that I like, what are some signs that could tell me whether or not he would make a good father?
Also, is it a bad sign if the man is already in his mid 40's and has never had any children? Is there still a chance he might want kids at that age? I am 26 and know a guy that is 45 and I think he likes me, but he has never had kids. (link)
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Dear How do you know,
One sign that a man will make a good dad is how he takes care of his animals. Also, dogs tend to like people who are loving. Dogs love my boyfriend and he is a great dad to our 6 year old. A lot of the time there is no way to know until the man becomes a dad himself. Maybe observing him with a baby or a child will give you a good idea as well.
Most guys in their 40's may think they are too old to have children. Not only that, they have gotten used to a lifestyle without children. If you want to find out if he wants to have kids, just ask him. You never know, maybe he just hasn't found the right woman to have kids with.
Take care,
Honestymatters
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my questions are simple.
I'd like to see your opinion on my latest moral quandry. hypothetically put yourself in the shoes of a soldier in iraq or afghanistan, you have the fortitude to engage and destroy the average insurgent with whatever weapon you can grab, be it a bayonet, or a mark 19 grenade launcher. you are on patrol in the streets of samarra or some other craphole city, and some 12 year old boy comes around the corner with a PKM(russian assault rifle) and opens up on your squad.
1: would you open fire with the intent to destroy the target, or to injure and disarm?
2:is it right, in a moral sense, to shoot and kill this kid?
those of you who instantly say no are missing the point of this exercise. use quotes if you feel the need.
you fellas that like to act like a box of rubber dicks, please contribute.
you normal civilians are welcome to answer, i just like to let those specific groups know that their opinion, no matter how depraved, is still valuable.
thank you for your time and patience.
-gunner (link)
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I am a civilian, and I have very good morals. I know exactly what I would do in 'the soldiers' shoes. I would open fire with the intent to destroy the target, or to injure and disarm?
In some countries the legal age is 13 years old. They are considered adults. You are defending your life and the life of your squad. Kill or be killed. Yes, it is right in a moral sense, to shoot and kill this kid!! He has no problems trying to kill you. Be safe
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