BY no means am I always right or know what to do. However, I will tell you what I would do in your situation and what I know to be the most honest and helpful advice that I can give.
Thanks for asking,
Honestymatters
Gender: Female
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Occupation: Office Administration/Single MOM
Age: 31
Member Since: October 29, 2005
Answers: 72
Last Update: November 16, 2005
Visitors: 7102
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Okay...I've realized a couple days ago that I really, really like this boy I know (I'll call him Bill)...and the same day I came to that conclusion, I was told by a very good friend of mine that Bill has something for her...and that she likes Bill too. (She didn't know that I liked him, of course)...Today, I found that they have officially paired up...and I didn't really do a good job of hiding my disapointment, because "Bill" asked me if somebody made me upset...I said "Not intentionally"...he then asked if it was him that had done anything to make me upset...(Did he suspect or know that I like him??)...Now, I'm not sure if I should tell him that I really like him or not, because I do NOT want to cause any discomfort between me and the two of them, because I care deeply for both of them...but I don't want him to feel like he's doing anything wrong, either. I think if I told them (Or just him) "Hey, I'm disapointed, but I still support you guys", that it would (maybe) make things better...
I really need answers fast on this one, guys...
S. (link)
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Dear S.,
The truth will set you freeeeeeeeeeee!
Tell your friend that you like "Bill" too but never said anything because you love her and do not want to do anything to get between them. Tell her that you still want to hang out with them, but feel a tag a long friend will be annoying for them. Let her know that because she is with him, he is OFF LIMITS!! But add in a joking manner that if she breaks up with him and he shows interest in you, that you would consider dating him. Wish her the best with him. Give her your support.
Tell "Bill" that you are not mad at him at all. Tell him that you were just taken back suddenly by hearing that your good friend began dating the guy you liked. Tell him that you are happy for them and wish them the best. Then ask him if he has any friends that may want to double date sometime, because you feel awkward being the third wheel.
The fact is that if they stay together and become close, eventually they will end up doing things without you. If you want to do things with them and not feel awkward, you will need a "Bill" of your own. You just discovered a couple of days ago that you liked him. This means that you have not liked him in "that way" for very long. It is possible to find someone else to like just as much. As I read another Advicenator say "God" has plan for you. Maybe his plan was for you to meet one of "Bill's" friends.
The point is that you must be honest with everyone at all times. Never keep your feelings bottles up either. Never ever do anything to hurt your friends (like stealing her boyfriend). That is immoral and wrong. Just be their friends and find your own man. IF "Bill" happens to fall for you in the process it is not your fault, but he must be the one to leave your good friend on his own, without your influence. Do not betray your friend. As long as they are going out, he is OFF LIMITS!!
I hope that you find what you are looking for.
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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I have a friend who asked me out last night. I like him, but I wasn't sure if I wanted a relationship so I told him. I thought about it for a while... and concluded that I'd like to go out with. Only, I'm not sure if the offer still stands.
I'm kind of shy, and I'd like to approach him. He's not shy, but I think he was shy about asking me out. We were on the phone and he asked me out over the internet. I overheard him telling his friend "So I asked Karen (me) out, and guess what she said. She said she doesn't know if she wants a relationship." and when he said that it made me realize that I'd like to give him a relationship a chance because I really like him.
How should I go about bringing up the subject of going together back up? I'd really like for him to ask me again, is there anyway I can like hint around? (link)
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Dear I need help,
Silly girl,(you have already talked to him so you are past being shy with him), say to him "I have thought about what you asked the other day and I want to know if that offer is still open. I have thought about it and have decided that I would like to try having a relationship with you."
OR you could walk up to him, grab him and plant a big kiss on his lips and say, "I change my mind. Ask me again if I will go out with you."
Hinting does no good. It wastes time and usually never gets the results you want. It is like asking someone to guess what you want. It is also a childish way to approach things. Just reach out and grab him, don't waste any more time. Get up, get out and go get him.
I hope I helped.
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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I seriously have no idea what to get my boyfriend for Christmas. I want it to be something really personal. Please, any ideas would be appreciated. Here are some of his favorite things:
Movie-Donnie Darko
the Boston Red Sox
poker
Author-Kurt Vonnegut..and reading in general. He reads a ton.
Music- Iron and Wine, Max Richter, The Smiths, Bright Eyes, ect. . . soft, pretty, folksy-type music (link)
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Dear Christmas,
Your boyfriend will thank you, if, you buy him books written by Robert Anton Wilson. In particular try The Illuminatus Trilogy, (Cosmic Triggers 1, 2, and 3), Schrödinger's Cat Trilogy, and Prometheus Rising.
Another good author is Timothy Leary. Anything by him is just as good as Wilson's. They have even written books together. Some of Leary's are The Psychedelic Experience (he co-wrote with Ralph Metzner), Flashbacks, and The politics of Ecstasy. He has more, just cannot name them all right now.
A little about how Timothy Leary has influenced people:
Leary once recruited John Lennon to write a theme song for his California gubernatorial campaign (which was interrupted by his first arrest), inspiring Lennon to come up with the hit "Come Together," which Lennon later reclaimed for himself. Leary was the explicit subject of the Moody Blues song "Legend of a Mind", which memorialized him with the words, "Timothy Leary's dead. No, no, no, no he's outside looking in," a refrain he once detested but later found the sense of humor to adopt as his PR theme song when he hit the university lecture circuit promoting NASA scientist Gerard O'Neill's innovative plans to build giant Eden-like orbiting mini-earth's using existing technology and raw materials from the moon. He is also mentioned in the song "The Seeker" by The Who: "I asked Timothy Leary/ But he couldn't tell me either".
A number of other musical groups have admired and been influenced by Leary, including the progressive-rock band Tool, the metal band Nevermore, Marcy Playground, and Dog Fashion Disco. Nevermore mentions Leary in their lyrics, and titled one of their albums "The Politics of Ecstasy" (after Leary's book by the same name). The techno band Infected Mushroom uses a soundclip of Leary saying "Tune in, turn on, and drop out" in a song. Leary made a cameo appearance in "STUFF," a short film directed by Johnny Depp and Gibson Haynes about the Red Hot Chili Peppers guitar player John Frusciante. He also appears on 'Gila Copter' off the 'Linger Fickin Good' album by the Revolting Cocks and also appears in the video for 'Cracking Up'. Leary also appears as the father in the Suicidal Tendancies video "Possessed to Skate".
Anything by these authors will blow his mind, if he loves to read, he will LOVE any of them.
Hope I helped :)
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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Hey guys. I'm sorry if this is kind of long, but I have something on my mind that is REALLY bothering me, and I really need help on it ASAP! I rate high, so PLEASE help me.
Ever since eighth grade, my mom has been impossible at times. I remember the summer that I was going into eighth grade. It was the first time that I ever really started to communicate with guys because i go to an all girls school. so, i was about twelve or thirteen when I first started meeting guys, going to parties, and all that stuff. well, i really really liked this guy named JC. I was like in love with him. And he liked me too. But, my mother was so overprotective, that that whenever I was talking to him, she would sit next to me on AIM and told me everything I had to tell him. And she would sit next to me while I was on the phone and she had to hear everything that was going on. She never let me tell him that I liked him. And guess what? the boy lost interest and to this day I cry myself to sleep because that was my first love and my mother never let me even talk to him. Therefore, him and his best friend say that I talk like an old lady all thanks to her.
Time passed by and my heart was healed my new love, Rafael. Rafael healed me and I healed him. He has been like a blessing to me. I love him so much. but, now i am in high school. my mother should be giving me more priveledges and space and privacy. But, she sits by me even when I talk to Rafael. So, Rafael sends me a music video and he told me just to listen to the words of the song. So, I did. and the words were very sweet. But, the video had some material in it that my mother did not like. It had like contrivercial things in our society. and it wasnt evey like sex or anything like that. It was like weird people. so, anyways, she took it very personally and made me tell Rafael that I did not want to have anything to do with that. And now, when I told her that she should let me make my own decisions and that I want to be with Rafael and she should just let me do what I want, she says that I am crazy and that I have no dignity and self respect. I told Rafael that I didn't like the video and he said that he was sorry for it, but my mom is so overprotective of me!
And another thing that she does is that whenever I tell her something, she always has to tell like the entire world. She tells my grandmother, my aunt, and she even tells the hairdresser! and then she tells me not to tell my best friend since like 8 years anything about whatever.
I've already tried talking to her and it doesn't work. SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME!!!! TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!! PLEASEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! I'VE ALREADY TRIED TALKING TO HER! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP!
(link)
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You said you have already tried talking to her about this, so that won't work. I agree with what the other advicentators are saying. Stop talking to your mother, about certain things though. Don't stop talking to her completely, she will probably tighten her reins on you if you do that.
Start talking more to your grandmother, aunt, and even the hairdresser about things she doesn't want them to know about.
They have no clue, she is probably making things out to be worse than they are. I bet your mom over exaggerates things when talking to them, or leaves things out, like how she treats you.
The best you can do, is be honest with them and tell them everything. When she confronts you about talking to them, just ask her "How does it feel when someone you thought you could trust blabs about you?" "Doesn't feel very good when people know everything you do, does it?."
Your mom is overbearing because she probably has nothing better to do with her own time. She is not happy unless she is making someone else miserable. Her self esteem is probably quite low also. I am sure she thinks that she's protecting you from evil things. I had the same kind of mom when I was growing up. It wasn't until I was seventeen that I was allowed to go anywhere without her.
Warn your boyfriend that your mom supervises everything you do. Let him know that when you are sounding like an old hag that she is right next to you. Your mom is going to be like this for a long time and because you are not eighteen yet, the only thing that you can do is make the best of it.
You could make an adventure out of your situation. A secret love in secret code. You could come up with a code that would let him know you love him, and are thinking of him. Something silly like, "My size sevens are killing me!" And he will know this is code for "I can't wait to see you." (You insert your shoe size in there and even rub your feet while your saying it.) Your mom will have no reason to believe you mean anything else.
Have fun with it, give her a dose of her own medicine. When she is on the phone sit next to her and try to run her conversation. Just do what she does to you. This might get the point across. Try to run her life the way she does yours. When she says butt out or comments on your behavior, just throw it in her face that it is exactly how you feel about her.
I am really sorry about what you are going through. It is clear that she is not letting you be a teenager or yourself. She is living through you and it is torture, I know, I have been there. Just keep reminding your friends and boyfriends that your mother is very strict and runs every aspect of your life. They will understand what you are going through and will be your friends instead of thinking you are the uptight wind bag.
Invite friends over for dinner or something and tell her you have invited them and if she makes you univite them you will tell everyone one of her secrets (or whatever she doesn't want anyone to know about). When she doesn't let your friends over, call a family relative she talks to and blab away. If you can't call them, then go see them, or tell them the next time you see them.
Just remember everything you say to them will get back to your mom. Conviction of your intentions is the only way to prove you want things to change. Just start treating her the way she treats you and tell her, DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU. Let her know that if she wants to be treated with respect and privacy, she needs to treat you like that too.
I hope that I have helped you even a little. Remember not to leave your secret code laying around for her to find. Otherwise she will know exactly what you are saying.
Good Luck
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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hi, 13/m
i have hair around my "butt hole". is this normal? should i shave it or something?
all fives. (link)
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Everyone is telling you that it is normal and to leave it alone. Trust them! DO NOT SHAVE IT. If you do shave it, the hair will become thicker and longer, causing problems like one friend of mine had once. He shaved his butt hairs several times until someone told him not to, that it will get thicker. He stopped shaving it and it grew long and thick to the point that it knotted up. Becasue of this he could not poop. The hair had braided itself around his anal orphis acting like a net. He had to go to a doctor and have the hair cut and then laser removed to prevent it from happening again. Everyone has butt hair, men women and animals. You should not be any different.
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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Ok I am in High school and I have 3 freakin rumors going around the school about me and my best friend. This girl is telling me that me and my best friend are lesbian lovers, which is so not true, because I am straight, and now I have people talking about me, and also I have another rumor which isn't as bad, but that one is that I am going with this boy, and that I am a slut. Its going around the whole school, and it upsets me, and makes me want to cry. I don't know what I should do. I haven't had these problems, til I met this one girl. (link)
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Dear Rumors,
Unfortunately what you are going through is a part of growing up. Other people in your school are going to say mean things about you to make themselves look better and cure their boredom.
You could do just like the other advicenators suggested and lay low. Hope that it blows over in a week or two. But if it doesn't, and this girl continues to say these things then you have ever right to get back at her. You can do this several ways.
For one, the fact that she is telling other people things that are not true about you is slander or defamation of character.
In order to prove defamation, you have to be able to prove that what was said or written about you was false. If the information is true, or if you consented to publication of the material, you will not have a case. However, you may bring an defamatory action if the comments are so reprehensible and false that they effect your reputation in the community or cast aspersions on you. If you have been defamed you may seek both actual damages, to recover the harm that you have suffered, and punitive damages to punish the person who made the remark (and serve as an example to deter others). If the defamation improperly accused you of a crime or reflected on your profession, the Court or jury can assess the damages. For other types of defamation you must prove some actual damage to be able to recover.
I think you should get her phone number and call her parents. Tell them that she has been spreading lies all over school. Tell them that you can prove that her statements are untrue. Tell them that her statements are causing you severe emotional stress. Tell them that you were given legal advice and now understand that what she is doing is considered slander and you can sue her. But since she is a minor you would have to sue her parents instead. Tell them that you do not want to do this, but will unless, they can convince her to stop spreading lies.
If you don't want to do that then try this:
Write a letter to her with this in it;
Dear(Her name here)
It has come to my attention that you are telling everyone that I am a lesbian and a slut . Just because I won't sleep with you does not give you the right to spread nasty rumors that are not true. My answer is still no, and nothing you will say can change my mind. Get over it!
Sincerely,
(Your name here)
NOW, make a copy f this letter. If she doesn't stop her slander then take that copy and make several more copies. Like several hundred copies and littler the school with them. Give them to all her friends and anyone who can read. Leave them laying around for just anyone to find. Sooner or later everyone in the school will whispering about her. Don't worry, nothing in this letter is slandering her in any way.
This letter will make it look like she was spreading untrue things because she is mad at you. When she tries to deny that she wanted you to sleep with her, no one will believe her. She will get a dose of her own medicine.
I hope that whatever you decide to do, helps your situation.
Take Care :)
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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NB Names have been changed.
We are a group of friends at university. We're all in different years and Richard and I have only known each other and the rest of the group since the beginning of term.
Two of the older members of the group are called Thomas and Harry and until very recently they were a couple. However, Harry had an affair with Richard and they fell in love. Richard broke it off because he felt guilty about Thomas and has managed to move on and no longer feels for Harry 'in that way'.
However, Harry is still in love with Richard. he admitted what had happened to Thomas and broke up with him which has damaged Thomas's already rather fragile self confidence.
Harry really wants to be with Richard but it's just not going to happen and he's VERY depressed about it. He's not eating, sleeping or studying properly.
I'm not directly involved but all three parties have come to me asking for advice. I'm trying my best to stay neutral and I'm doing pretty well. It is quite emotionally draining and it's always horrible to want to help out your friends when you are unable to do so and you don't know what to do.
Thomas is unhappy because Harry broke up with him and is now visibly pining after Richard.
Richard is unhappy because he feels guilty and because he wants to be friends with both of them. He's starting to get annoyed that Harry is still pursuing him.
Harry is upset because he feels guilty about the affair, for breaking up with Thomas, for 'pestering' Richard and for causing conflict in the group. He's also depressed for the classic reason of unrequited love.
Has anyone any advice on how I can cheer everyone up / advise them on how to sort out the situation? (link)
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Dear One break up....
Sure, get Richard, Harry and Thomas all together in a dorm room. Tell them all to strip naked. Hand them a bottle of cooking oil, a shower curtain and tell the them to stop being such big babies and have a threesome.
On a more serious note, I think you are being a good friend by remaining neutral. I know you want to help, but the best thing that any of them can do is to just deal with what happened in an adult manner and move on.
Take care :)
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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these are the answers to the questions you asked me, maybe you can help me a little further now. please get back to me if you can. thanx
What makes you think he is mad at you? A: he was ignoring me almost the whole time i was there and usually he'd be all over me.
Did you sleep over at his friends house before his birthday party? no, after
When you say "hooked up" do mean you had sex with him? no, made out with
When you say you slept over at his best friends house are you saying you slept, or had sex? slept.
(link)
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Dear Really Angry,
Thanks for answering my questions.
First it sounds to me like he's looking for someone who will do more than make out. It also sounds like he will stick his tongue down anyone's throat. He is a walking mono hazard and I would stay away from him if I were you. You do know what what mono is, right?
He may not be mad at you. He could have lost interest. I mean you made out three times but didn't have sex. This guy sounds like he has just given up on getting you to have sex with him.
If he is mad at you then maybe you are better off. Do you know what mono can do to you? He also doesn't sound that responsible either. A guy like that will get someone pregnant for sure, and then dump them. Do you want to have sex with him and risk getting pregnant? If he'll stick his tongue down anyone's throat, then he will definitely stick his penis in anyone's vagina. This will make him a high risk for a sexually transmitted disease. I shutter at the thought.
Just be careful around this guy and that so called friend of yours. They seem like they are both lying, back stabbing whores. But that's just my opinion.
Hope everything works out for you. Take care :)
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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ok i just took a pregnancy test and it was positive!im only 16 years old:(i dont want to tell my parents because they said if i ever get pregeat at a young age they will kick me out of the house!!!!i dont know what to do!plzzzz help (link)
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Dear I need answers,
Well, I agree with most of what the other Advicenators said. My parents said the same thing only I believe their exact word were, no bastard children. Oh yeah and I had just turned 17.
I was afraid that my parents would kick me out or beat the crap out of me. I worried for 2 months about telling them.
My boyfriend begged me to move in with him and his parents would help us out. BUT my parents said no, she is finishing school without a child. They forced me to have an abortion and made him pay for half of it. I did not want an abortion but I was only 17 and did not know that I had choices.
This was the worst experience I have ever had. I waited so long before telling my parents that I was almost 3 months pregnant. The doctor almost refused to do the procedure because of the cut off. After three months they would not abort the baby.
Anyway, I woke up half way through the operation in extreme pain. I sat straight up on the table screaming, startling everyone around me. There was this large powerful suction hose they had up inside me. One of the nurses gave me another shot and I woke up in a room all by myself feeling my like my insides had been ripped out. My mom drove me home in silence.
The point is, do not wait, no matter what. If you decide to keep it, then you will at least have no secrets from your parents. If you decide to get an abortion, then you will not have to go through what I went through.
The most important thing for you to do is decide what you want to do about the baby.
Are you ready to be a mom? You have choices I did not know I had. You can have the child and give it up, you can keep it, have the procedure or take a pill. They call it RU486 the Abortion Pill. This is a clip from a website that you can get info from on this.
"There are two common methods for performing a medical abortion.
The first procedure, using a drug called Mifeprex, also known as RU486, is taken orally in a doctor's office and followed two days later by another medication called misoprostol, which causes the uterus to contract, resulting in the expulsion of the pregnancy tissue.
The second procedure, using a drug called Methotrexate, includes an initial injection, followed one week later by misoprostol, which causes the uterus to contract, resulting in the expulsion of the pregnancy tissue.
Both procedures require follow-up visits to the clinic to determine whether or not the procedure is complete. Both methods are safe and effective. Many women see this as a desirable alternative to surgery and anesthesia."
This is the address:
www.abortion.com/topic.php?topic=The%20Abortion%20Pill
Here is another site you should read if you are considering RU486. There are side effects and can only be used if you are less than 49 days pregnant.
http://pages.map.com/lroberge/ru486.htm
Here are some other sites that touch on teen pregnancy and planning.
http://adoptionnetwork.com/birthmother-unplanned-pregnancy/unplannedbaby.shtml?source=goo>se=GOOG
http://www.dfes.gov.uk/teenagepregnancy/dsp_Content.cfm?PageID=85
http://health.ninemsn.com.au/section.aspx?sectionid=1685&subsectionid=2605&subsectionname=unwantedpregnancy§ionname=pregnancy
For more, just do a search on google, or call your local family practice clinic.
You have some serious decision making to do, but you had better do it quick.
I suggest that you research all of your options, do not take too long doing this though.
Talk to the boy that you got pregnant with and find out how he feels as well. When you have all the options in front of you, then ask all the parents to sit down with you, tell them that it is important. It would be a good idea to sit everyone down together. Your parents, his parents, him and you. Doing this, maybe your parents will not flip out in front of the boys parents and vise versa. If everyone can keep a level head, then something can get accomplished. You must do what is best for you and the baby. When you have them all together, tell them that you want their advice. Let them know that you were adult enough to get yourself into this and are adult enough to deal with it, but you would like their support and thoughts on the matter. Tell them that you are pregnant and have looked into several options.
(if you decide to keep it)Tell them that you are coming to them to give them a chance to decide if they want to be a part of the baby's life.
I hope that I have helped you out at least a little bit. Good luck and keep your head up :)
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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Can someone explain my boyfriends behavior?I had been out of work for a really long time and i finally got a job as a sales rep in a large superstore. At first he was excited for me and said "well I hope everything works out for you".
Now heres where it gets strange. I had my first shift 3 nights ago and I told him how nice everyone was and I much fun I was having. He didnt sound happy at all and just said in an unfriendly tone "oh I guess things are working out for you". I don't understand , wouldnt he be happy for me? The only thing I can think of is he might be worried I'll meet a guy at work.
Does anyone have any ideas as to what is going on with him? (link)
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Dear My boyfriend is acting strange,
No, only your b/f can explain his behavior. I can speculate but the other Advicenators pretty much did that.
I can give you some advice on how to approach this with your b/f.
Start with telling him that you love him and ask him what's wrong. Ask him why at first he was happy for you and now he doesn't seem that thrilled. If he tells you nothing is wrong, then leave it at that. Maybe he was just having a bad day and didn't want to hear about you having a good day.
In a situation like this communication and honesty are very important. You should definitely talk to your boyfriend though.
Good Luck, I hope this helped :)
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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I like this guy but the thing is, he doesn't like me. and whenever he gets jealous he likes me. and when i dropped this guy that he was jeaslous of he didn't like me anymore. so...the same situation is with this guy that likes me. should i go out with the guy who likes me to get him jealous??
thanks in advance!!! (link)
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Dear I'm confused,
So let me get this straight! This guy you really like doesn't like you unless you are with another guy.
How childish and unfair is he acting?
"I like this guy but the thing is, he doesn't like me." You should listen to yourself more often. You know he doesn't like you, yet you dump other guys for him. Silly girl!! Don't play his game!! Stop letting him manipulate you.
You should go out with the other guy who likes you. But when this guy gets jealous, tell him to bud out and go fly a kite. Don't break up with anyone for him. He is playing some stupid childish game with you. Anyone who acts like that will only end up hurting you sooner or later.
Hope I helped you out :)
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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last night i went over my friends house for his birthday. the situation is hard to explain but, i really like him. i went out with him before but he broke up with me after 4 days. which i guess hardly counts. but we've been flirting ever since we broke up. i always flirt with him and i've hooked up with him a few times in the last few weeks. i know im not gonna be able to go out with him because of the way he is and cant stick to a commitment. so last night my best friend was cuddling with him on the couch. it was really ticking me off. she knows i like him and always yells at me for flirting with him so much because "im gonna get myself hurt" but last night she was all over him. i think he's mad at me. im not sure though... i wasnt supposed to be out last night. i said i was at a friends house because i wasnt supposed to be over this guys house. i also slept over his best friends house and he was there until 2:30 am before he went home. im sick of being hurt because i like him. and i try to stop liking him but i just cant. can anyone help? (link)
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Dear Really Angry,
The info you have given is really vague and I need to know more about what's up to give any REAL advice. But from what you have said here, it sounds like you know he is unreachable. You obviously like him, but he seems to be a player of some sort.
Your so called friend was just saying those things about you getting hurt. She wanted him for herself and telling you to stop flirting with him gave her the room she needed to move in. Stay away from her, she is a backstabbing liar. DO NOT TRUST HER.
OK, I have questions and then I can get to the real advice OK.
What makes you think he is mad at you?
Did you sleep over at his friends house before his birthday party?
When you say "hooked up" do mean you had sex with him?
When you say you slept over at his best friends house are you saying you slept, or had sex?
Don't worry, I do not condemn people for having multiple partners. The more the merrier I say.
Please get back to me. I would love to help you out.
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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Dear Honestymatters,
Thank you sooo much! You helped me bunches! And yes I have his number and I hang with most of his friends so this might be the up side of all this. I will take your advice and tell you the outcome of it.
Thanks again,
Help me please.
Or
TakeT_H_Achance (which is my real deal) (link)
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Dear Take T_H_Achance,
You are welcome and feel free to write me anytime :) I am here to help.
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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Ok well see I am a 13/f and my dad like hits me all the time with like eather a wooden stick or his hands or whatever he has in reach and it usually leaves bruises.....and like he always tells me when he does it that I could never call the police and get him in trouble because he will just say that it's his way of "punishing me". And like I always ask him why doesnt he just ground me or something else and he always says that he thinks this will work better.....but I really don't think it does. What should I doo?? Is this considered abuse or not??
thanxxx (link)
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Dear Abuse?????,
I agree with what toXic x baBii x3 said. Yes, what he is doing is abuse. If he needs to punish you, then he needs to find another way to do it. Hitting you anywhere but your bottom and with anything other than his hand is abuse. If he is leaving bruises then he is just leaving proof of abuse. Regardless of what anyone else here has said, it is against the law and you can press charges against him. Although this may cause him to rage against you even more. By law, anyone who brings you physical harm is committing assault with bodily harm, as is punishable with jail time. Anyone who threatens to bring you physical harm is guilty of attempted assault and and harassment. By law you can have a restraining order put against him.
The punishment should fit the crime. What things are you doing to need punishment?
This is my suggestion, because it is obvious he has you too scared to call the police: (I have given this advice to others as well)
Keep a diary of every time he hits you. Make sure you write down exactly what you did to set him off. DO NOT LIE, or exaggerate. This will make you look like the liar and no one will believe you. Keep the diary in a safe hidden spot that he can never find. Every time he leaves a bruise, take picture of it and what he used to hit you with, put the date and time on the photo and then hide it with your diary. This is gathering proof of the type of abuse you are enduring. Your diary and photos should go hand in hand. For every photo, there should be an entry in your diary that describes what you did to make him mad, and what punishment he gave you. See, your diary, if put together right can be evidence in a court of law. Now the next step to ensure you are believed is to have witnesses to the abuse. Immediately after being abused call someone and tell them about it. Also, little tape recorders are good witnesses too. You can pick one up at any radio shack. Keep this on you and record when ever you are around him. Keep these tapes with your diary as well.
It is not illegal for you to tape any thing he does that involves dealing with you. It is only when neither party is aware of the conversation that it is not allowed as evidence in court. Only one party has to know they are being taped for it to be admitted into evidence. You know that you are being taped and that is good enough.
You need to get proof and documentation of the abuse. When you have recorded like two or three months of this behavior, take all of your photos, tapes and diary to the nearest Child Protective Services. Tell them you are afraid what he is going to do to you when he finds out that you told someone. They will place in a safe environment, you can tell them of a relative you may feel safe with. CPS will always try to place children with family first.
Things may get rough, but I think you are strong and have been through a lot already. Just remember that things may get worse before they get better, but at least you will not be getting abused.
Try not to make him mad anymore, if he just gets mad for no reason then you need to stand up for yourself and start keeping the diary. I hope things work out for you, and good luck.
Remember to stay honest and keep you head up. I hoped I helped :)
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
P.S. If the abuse gets any worse, get out of there. Stay with a friend or a relative and definitely report it to the police.
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Sorry If Its Long!!! .. Well here it goes
Ok well theres this guy .. well call him cody.
well me and cody have know each other for like almost 2 years. and over the summer we talked about how we liked each other .. and he kind of i guess strung me along for like 2 months .. sayin he liked me but wouldn't do anything about it, but when i asked if i should juss forget it he told me not to b/c he liked me ..
he said he'd call nd he said we'd hang out but he kept blowin me off and not callin but he "liked me" so i guess he thought it was ok. so i left him a message on aim sayin to call me so we coudl talk about it .. yahh well he got the message but didnt call. so we stopped talkin for like 3 weeks .. like i was pissed. and he knew it but didnt try to make it better.
soo halloween night me him and my friend kev chels and jenn all hung out. i didnt know he was gonna be there or else i wouldn't have gone. but we ended up having so much fun and i laughed the whole time .. all the feelings i thought i was over .. came rushing back soo fast!!!
so we talked about it and we talked online the next day and he told me he liked me and everything. so 2 nights ago we hung out and went to funspot and all of us were in a guy named brody's truck. i was like practically sittin on top of him the whole like 1 and a half ride, and he had his arm around me and stuff.
- - but when we were driving home kevie (the other guy who was there) was like "so cod are you 2 like goin out now. and codys like no. and kev was like wait what. how come? and codys like you heard me .. i didnt stutter ..
i juss dont get him .. so we talked nd hes like i REALLY like you, i honestly do i juss dont want a girlfriend .. but he told kevin that he didnt even like me at all .. hes pissing me off b/c hes not even tellin me the truth .. and i just wanted an honest answer (link)
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Dear Whats he really mean?
I agree with Bianca, he is just playing games with you. Telling you he likes you but then saying he doesn't want a girlfriend. Sounds to me like he already has a girlfriend that no one knows about.
Just the fact that he doesn't admit he likes you in front of other people is reason enough to forget about having emotional feelings for him.
Yes he may make you laugh, but he treats you like garbage. That is unforgivable. Talk to your friends and ask them to warn you the next time he is going to attend a get together. That way you can be prepared to shield yourself. Don't sit on his lap, don't talk to him as much and definitely do not let him see your attraction to him. Just be casual friends and nothing more. What about this Kevie guy? OR even Brody? Do they have girlfriends? Get to know one of them a little better and move on from Cody.
Friendship is good, but he has made it very clear that he doesn't want anything more from you. It's a hard thing to choke down, but do not let him bring you down because he cannot make up his mind. Even if he comes to you in a few months and says,"ok, I am ready for a girlfriend" you should tell him he treated you horribly and lost your attentions. You should call Kevie or Brody, if they are single.
Sorry this guy has kept you on the run around, but you should learn from this and keep your distance from him.
Good Luck
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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i was talkin to my gy friend that i like online and he said that i was jealous of all these girls that like him now and i would never get aniguys to like me...and the only guy who ever liked me was him...although he was jokin i told him that i turned this guy down over the summer(which is true) and that he told me more in the 2 weeks that i knew him than you(my guyfriend) did in the 2 yrs that he supposidly liked me...i still like him and we havent talked in a few days...do u think that hes mad or what should i do...i realllly like him. ps i rate high (link)
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Dear Guy Friends,
Sounds to me like you both were being a bit mean to each other. Be the bigger person and apologize to him for being rude. Tell him that you turned this other guy down because you like him, not anyone else. Also ask him if he likes you so much why are you not his girlfriend yet? Whatever you do, don't let any more time go by. Talk to him ASAP. If anything, you can save a friendship.
Good Luck
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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Dear Honestymatters,
I REALLY REALLY like this guy. I have heard he likes me too but I have also heard he liked another girl who is older than I. I never see him talking to her though. I will go up and talk to him and he will hug me and is soo sweet to me. but he never drops any signs that he likes me except when he hugs me he will like hug me for a long time. I think that is sooo sweet. but I don't know if I think this because I want him to like me or if he really does like me. I REALLY REALLY NEED help. I am scared to talk to him about it cuz I am really shy. That is weird that I am shy though because I am a HS cheerleader and is out in front of everyone on friday nights. but its when it is just me and the person talking about a certain issue is when I get REALLY shy, I think it is because I am afraid of looking like an idiot. HELP ME PLEASE! (link)
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Dear Help Me Please,
Believe only part of what you hear, part of what you read and half of what you see.
Hearing that he likes you, is simply hearsay and is usually never admitted into any court of law. By being too shy, you may blow your chances with him. You say you talk to him, so this shows that you are not completely shy. But if you keep beating around the bush, you may miss the opportunity to get to know him better. It is possible that he just more shy than you are and is afraid that you do not feel the same.
The next time he hugs you for a long time (say this while he is hugging you) You know we can continue this hug after school, if you want. Or compliment him on how he smells, or tell him how warm and comfortable it feels to be in his arms. Tell him it feels like home, you know cozy and safe.
If you don't have his phone number, then get it.
Call him in the evenings, and talk to him. This will give you a stronger presence in his life and he will think about you more. Don't try childish things to get this attention. This can be huge turn off. Just be yourself.
I prefer the more direct approach, myself.
Another thing you could do say this to him: Can I talk to you alone about something?
Then when you get him alone say: I feel really stupid about this because I am shy, but it has been on my mind. I am afraid of sounding like a blithering idiot, so bear with me if I stutter or choke on my words. I heard through the grapevine that you might like me more than a friend. Is this true?
OK, by admitting that you feel stupid, or are afraid of sounding like an idiot lets him know that you are human. By throwing jokes in there, you will make him laugh and this will make it more comfortable for you to say what you need to say. By asking him straight up if he likes you, will get to the bottom of your dilemma. By not indulging that you like him first, there is no chance that either of you will feel awkward about the relationship you have. You have not told him you like him and you don't feel publicly rejected if he says it is not true.
If he says yes, it is true, then you have your answer. At this point you tell him that you feel the same and then make a date with him.
What ever you do there is always the fear of rejection, it comes with life. Do you know how I feel every time I go for a job interview? I am so afraid that they will pick someone else. Most companies want bilingual employees and I only speak English. If someone that speaks Spanish and English walks in and applies for the same job, they will almost definitely get hired over me. This is a crippling thought. It makes me not want to even look for a job.
Yet, I still did and guess what, I was hired by a really good company that is paying pretty decently. I did not give up, even though I was afraid to be rejected. Don't let your fears control your life. You only live once, and everything that happens in your life makes you the person you are.
Stop running on cruise control. Take your life by the steering wheel and go any direction you want.
I do hope I helped you, and write me anytime OK :)
Good Luck
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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Okay I really like this guy. Well I have heard he liked me too but I don't know I am a freshman and he is a Jr. (same age as my older brother and they have conflicts) Well I want to see if he likes me but I am scared too. His cousin says he always talks about me and he is really sweet to me. He will come up and hug me and tell me that I am looking good and stuff like that. I want to ask him out but I am scared to. I guess I am afraid of rejection. Then one of my friends likes him too. and if she found out how I feel about him she would hate me... but he like hates her cuz she acts like a big ole' whore and stuff like that. So I am stuck... I also told his sister (which is my age) and when she found out that girl liked him too she was MAD cuz she HATES her. but she made me feel better when she told me he would never go after her. but I still don't know..
What should I do?
)(confuse)( (link)
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Dear Confused,
You are in a hard spot. A friend likes the same guy. You want him, he wants you and not her. But you don't want to hurt her. Wow this is though, and I agree with some of the other Advicenators. You should talk to your friend first.
See, this is what will happen when you begin dating him: You will stop talking to your friend as much. After all, he doesn't like her and his sister hates her. You will eventually stop talking to your friend and spend all your time with him and his sister. Like a trade off. Besides, why would you want to hang out with someone who acts like a whore? You like him, he likes you. This is the set up for a very good relationship.
In the end, it is you that will have to make up your mind on what you are going to do. Situations like this are always hard and someone will end up getting hurt here. Either you because you are not going to betray your friend and stay away from a guy you have feelings for. OR your friend will get hurt when you start hanging out with your new boyfriend more than her.
Have you ever heard a saying "You are judged by the company you keep"? If you are hanging out with people who act like whores, then others will view you as a whore as well. It's not fair but it's a fact of life. This guy you like would probably hang out with you more if you did not have friends that act like whores. Ever think of that? Life is too short to not stop and smell the roses. Rejection is a part of life, it is not something to be afraid of. Do not send other people to talk to him for you. This just shows that you have no spine to do things on your own. Just do it!! The worst he can do is say no.
Hope I gave some things to think about. I also hope that I helped you make a choice. Good Luck and I am here anytime you need :)
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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Ok,for Halloween my friend Lisa suggested I dress up as a French Maid.And I did,I went the whole nine yards shaved legs,high heels,makeup everything.Now all my friends think I'm gay.The worst part of all this is that I really enjoyed being all dressed up.I had a long talk with Lisa about this and she said the reason why she suggested the costume was because she always thought I was a bit girly she said if I wanted to she will help me shop for clothes and stuff.The problem is if I do this everyone will def think I'm gay.I'm so confused I just don't know what to do.Thanks for Listening. (link)
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Dear Friends,
First of all, a Halloween costume is supposed to be fun and outrageous. After all you are hiding from the demons on All Hallows Eve. Hahaha
I commend you for going all the way, shaved legs and all. Who cares what your friends think of you. If they do not like you for who you are, gay or not, they do not deserve to be your friends.
Just because you dressed up like woman does not make you gay. Stop thinking that. To be considered gay you must be physically attracted to the same sex. So what if you are? If you are not attracted to the same sex but enjoy wearing womens clothes, then you are a transvestite, not gay.
Your friend Lisa seems like a good friend who is willing to accept you for who you are. Go shopping with her and have a good time. Stop caring what your other friends think, if they are really your friends then they will accept you no matter what your choice of clothing may be. If they cannot accept you, then you don't need friends like them anyway.
Take care, hope I helped :)
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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ok so there's this girl at my school who i REALLY REALLY REALLY LIKE ok and she's goin out with this other guy. so here's my question what are real good ways to win her over her bf. from a desprit person in love give good results. (link)
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Dear How to impress girls,
Well, I have read what the other Advicenators answered and I agree. You should not do anything to get in the way of her current relationship. You should talk to her, become friends with her boyfriend as well. This will give you an excuse to hang out with her more. Don't become to close to him, this may cause problems if she leaves him fro you in the future.
Notice things that he doesn't do for her, and do them yourself. EXAMPLE: Holding doors open for her or telling her how nice she looks. Compliment her a lot on the colors she wears and how they make her eyes dance. You can come up with unique compliments. Remember, your actions speak louder that words. Above all be yourself, but don't push her to like you. That will turn her off.
There are other things you can do as well. Like send her flowers with an anonymous letter telling her you think about her day and night. If flowers are too much, then maybe just a witty card complimenting her, signed anonymous.
Hope I helped you with some ideas :)
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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