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One break up is affecting us all
NB Names have been changed.
We are a group of friends at university. We're all in different years and Richard and I have only known each other and the rest of the group since the beginning of term.
Two of the older members of the group are called Thomas and Harry and until very recently they were a couple. However, Harry had an affair with Richard and they fell in love. Richard broke it off because he felt guilty about Thomas and has managed to move on and no longer feels for Harry 'in that way'.
However, Harry is still in love with Richard. he admitted what had happened to Thomas and broke up with him which has damaged Thomas's already rather fragile self confidence.
Harry really wants to be with Richard but it's just not going to happen and he's VERY depressed about it. He's not eating, sleeping or studying properly.
I'm not directly involved but all three parties have come to me asking for advice. I'm trying my best to stay neutral and I'm doing pretty well. It is quite emotionally draining and it's always horrible to want to help out your friends when you are unable to do so and you don't know what to do.
Thomas is unhappy because Harry broke up with him and is now visibly pining after Richard.
Richard is unhappy because he feels guilty and because he wants to be friends with both of them. He's starting to get annoyed that Harry is still pursuing him.
Harry is upset because he feels guilty about the affair, for breaking up with Thomas, for 'pestering' Richard and for causing conflict in the group. He's also depressed for the classic reason of unrequited love.
Has anyone any advice on how I can cheer everyone up / advise them on how to sort out the situation?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Dear One break up....
Sure, get Richard, Harry and Thomas all together in a dorm room. Tell them all to strip naked. Hand them a bottle of cooking oil, a shower curtain and tell the them to stop being such big babies and have a threesome.
On a more serious note, I think you are being a good friend by remaining neutral. I know you want to help, but the best thing that any of them can do is to just deal with what happened in an adult manner and move on.
Take care :)
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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