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Believe in myself or trust her?
I'm 25, male.
Theres this woman I like, Kim (20), who stays in a studenthouse, Sunday I went to visit, about to walk in the back door (frontdoors a mision) when roommate Joe openes the door and stands IN the door, telling me that they are busy studying or something, so I push past and say "then i'll just say hi and bye", two steps from Joe busy making tea stands Kim, with a pissed-off expresion on her face, I just smiled at her saying hi (thinking wtf)... after a minute she warms up to me and acts her old self.
Thought about this a while, yesterday I send her a sms saying that i thought it was pretty childish to get other people to send her troubles away.
Later we talk on the phone and she freaks, asking me how I could believe that she would ask her friend to send me away, that she NEVER told Joe to do anything of the kind and didn't know abaout it, that she doesn't need this extra shit in her life and threw a few other pots and pans my general direction and killed the conversation without listering.
I've always told her to tell me things straight, no matter if she thought it would hurt me, and that it would hurt more later on if she didn't.
If she needed some time alone she knows that I won't take it personally if she told me that herself.
One of the things I like about her is that shes not stupid, she was standing 2 steps away hearing everything, if I didn't bardge in I wouldn't have know that she was standing there, besides I not really friends with Joe.
I'm not stupid, I was honest with myself AND to her about how I feel and how I saw things.
Anybody willing to give some advice please, I could use some perspective on this, thanks in advance
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Are you actually in a relationship with her? Sounds like way too much drama to me, unless you have tons of history and are in love. Otherwise I would be out. Is she messing with Joe? Sounds like it to me. Dude, it probably isn't worth it. (female/24)
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Dear Believe in myself,
First, remember Kim is only 20. She is still a girl and will do girlish things. You say she was two feet away from Joe when he said they were busy? In that case, she heard him try and stop you from coming in the door. So when he said she did not know Joe had done that, she is lying to you. Then when you bring up the situation later she becomes defensive. This is a sign of guilt. She is avoiding the subject to keep from being honest with you.
Hummmmmmm You know, just because someone is smart doesn't mean they won't lie. I would say this girl is not being honest with you. I would guess that she doesn't know how to handle that fact that she almost got caught. She sounds childish and is probably going to continue to play games.
Just pay attention to her excuses, liars cannot keep track of their own lies very well. Always talk to her in person about situations like the one on Sunday. Her body language will give her away immediately if she is lying to you. Her posture will shift away from you and she will not be able to look you in the eyes.(unless she is good at lying)She will become defensive, like she did on the phone. Also she may bring her hands to her face and fiddle with something like her hair, ear or jewelry. She may even try to cover up her mouth or look down at the ground.
You can avoid childish games in the future by dating women in their 30's or 40's. They have already played their games and are less likely to have a "Joe" hanging around the house. Hahahaha.
That was a joke to lighten your mood. I hoped it worked.
I suspect that you already believe Kim is lying to you. Go with your gut feeling, it's usually correct. You should never second guess yourself. Doing so will always lead to the bad choices in life. Good Luck
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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She really overreacted. This all seems just like a big misunderstanding that Kim decided to take the wrong way and hold a huge grudge about. Some girls are like that, so don't think it won't happen again. It's just the way she is so don't take it personally at all. There's nothing you can really do about it. She will realize that she was being a huge witch, she may already have realized it. Maybe she'll apologize, maybe she won't, but she's sorry no matter what she does. I wouldn't worry about it at all. Act like nothing ever happened unless she brings it up. Then talk about it with her and afterwards act like nothing happened again. Sometimes with girls you just have to let them lash out at you for no reason. Some people need to do that...it's their way of letting go of bottled emotion. If it happens again don't say anything, don't look her in the eyes, agree to whatever she says, and it will be over shortly. Her being like this doesn't make her a bad person or abusive. Keep after her and good luck!
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Maybe she was having an argument with this Joe character before you got there.
Maybe she sees him as a friend but, maybe he likes her more than that. Which would make him jealous of you and out to cause problems.
You need to talk to her about it when she calms down. When you both have calmed down.
If you care for someone, you really do have to have some trust in what they tell you.
My granny used to say "believe nothing that you hear, and only half of what your see." I think that applies here. Talk it out and don't give up on the relationship unless you really are unable to trust her at all.
If you can't then there is no future in it. :)
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She has made herself clear.
Maybe she didn't talk to you the way you would have liked her too but still you must admit you have gotten her message loud and clear.
Let me spell it out for you anyways.
She did not want to see you, for whatever reason she was complicit in her friend sending you away.
She did not listen to you, but acted violently towards you.
You confronted her and she was angry and unhappy about it and no expressed desire to speak to you again.
That communicates her feelings to you very clearly, albeit without the words.
She doesn't seem capable of a mature explanation of her behavior or of treating you with any respect. Get over it and leave her alone.
On a slightly unrelated note, if you wanted to enter a mature discussion with her about her desires, accusing of her of being childish was not the best way to do it. Perhaps asking a non-judgmental question next time like "Was something wrong with me coming by on Sunday?" or "Hey what is up with Joe?" might have been a better way to begin.
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