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help! please!
ok, im 13 years old and i have had this boyfriend for about 7 months now. he is having majior family problems and doesnt know how to deal with them anymore. he is one of those people who keep things bottled up inside of him. i told him he could always talk to me about it but i dont think he is comfortable talking to anyone about it. well, he is getting like really depressed and he told me he doesnt know if he can handle it all anymore. he is thinking about running away or killing himself. i told him not to and i pleaed for him not to but i dont think it is getting through to him. he told me that the last thing he wanted to do was hurt me but he is REALLY anrgy. i dont know what to say or what to do. he told me if he does anything he'll come to school and say good bye to me and stuff. PLEASE PLEASE help me! im so scared!
-Leah-
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You need to seriously ask him if he's really going to do this, and if he answers yes I think you should ask him where is he going to go?, where is he going to live?, How is he gonna eat? Stuff like that! If his home life is really bad..can you help him move in with a friend for a while? Tell him if he ignores his problems, their not going to just go away. He'll just create even more problems if he leaves. Tell him he needs to work things out, and whatever his situation may be...that your with him and want to help him 100%! If nothing you say convinces him, tell an adult. He might be mad at you, but in the end he'll understand you were being a caring girlfriend. But personally, I dont think he'll run away if you bring up the fact that he'll have no place to sleep, nothing to eat, etc. I'm sorry if I didnt help as much as you wanted me to but if you can, can you update me on what happens? I would really like to know!
-Love, Sherry!
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Dear Leah,
You say his depression stems from his home life. Encourage him to find ways to deal with what's going on at home. Are his parents abusive? You say he won't talk to you about what's going on inside him and that is natural. Just the fact that he said something to you is a cry for help. He doesn't want to kill himself, he just feels that he cannot cope anymore. GET YOUR PARENTS INVOLVED. Talk to your parents and ask them what you should do. Then ask them if they will help you talk to him. The worst thing to do is not talk to anyone about him threatening to kill himself. Tell them what he has said to you and ask if they can give him a place to run, when he runs away from home. Sit down at the Kitchen table with him and your parents, this will hopefully make him feel that someone will listen to him. Talking to you about his problems will help him cope with issues at home. You are in no position to do anything to remove him from the situation, but your parents can. That's all it really is. He feels that he can no longer cope with the problems at home. The truth is, if his parents don't know about how he feels they may not want to listen. The most important thing is giving him a support group. One person is not enough, but it is a start. If you cannot go to your parents then maybe another family member that is an adult. The point is, you need to tell someone that can do something about helping him. Medication to deal with his depression is not going to fix his problems at home. Trust me I have been on the meds and they just make you numb, but you are still depressed. He needs a change of environment. Running away from home is better than killing himself. Try and find someplace safe for him to go. What ever happens it is going to be tough road, and he may even be angry with you at first for saying anything. You need to get it out of him exactly what is going on at home that has him so depressed. If talking to his parents is out of the question, then leave them out of it until he is in a safe place and has time to clear his head. The negative atmosphere that may result by confronting them with this may push him too far. He needs to be out of their reach to recover. His parents may make things worse by lashing out at him for talking about the problems at home. This will only send him farther over the edge. Here are a few links to look into. I wish I could help more, but I do not know everything surrounding his sadness. Without all the info it is hard to say what comes next. If all else fails, get out the phone book and look up the name of a psychiatrist and make an anonymous call asking for help. They have several resources and may even be able to remove him from home.
Try this one first,
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Here is one for your parents to get info as well.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
If these don't help, try doing a search on google, Keywords "Suicide Help" there are 36 million sites touching this subject. Good luck and write me anytime you want.
Sincerely,
Honestymatters.
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Dear Leah,
Thank you for writing to me.
Let's break it down:
* Your boyfriend has family problems that he reacts to by getting angry.
* He isn't comfortable talking about his problems, so he keeps his anger inside.
* Tired of being angry, he is looking for a way to change his situation.
Your boyfriend gets angry because he doesn't know how to deal with conflict. But he doesn't know how to handle anger, so he bottles it up. Now he can't live with his bottled anger any longer, so he talks about running away or killing himself.
Your boyfriend needs someone who can teach him how to resolve conflict. The anger and thoughts of suicide are consequences of his inability to MAKE SENSE of his family problems; he has no idea how to RESPOND to his family. These skills can be learned, but he needs the right teacher.
You are not that teacher, and neither am I.
My advice: Suggest to your boyfriend that he speak to a school guidance counselor or school psychologist. These people are trained to TEACH people the personal and interpersonal skills they need to be successful in life. If your boyfriend doesn't learn these skills now, he will struggle with anger his whole life.
It's a safe bet that his talk of drastic measures (running away, suicide) is actually a "cry for help". What he really wants is for someone to take his problems seriously and encourage him to get the help he needs.
It's possible he will resist the idea of going to a counselor. He might even get angry with you for suggesting it. Remember that ANGER is how he responds to uncomfortable situations, and he is definitely uncomfortable with the idea of talking about his feelings. Be gentle but persistent.
GENTLE BUT PERSISTENT. He may reject the idea out of habit, but you'll have to convince him that if killing himself is the only other option, perhaps getting counselling isn't such a bad idea.
If you can't convince him to get help, and he continues to talk about suicide, then you OWE IT TO HIM to go to the guidance counselor or school psychologist YOURSELF and tell them EVERYTHING. Suicidal thoughts are often temporary, but suicide is permanent, and tragic. You should be willing to sacrifice your relationship in order to save his life.
If you need any more help, I am here for you. Be strong, Leah, and good luck.
Dr. Chad
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Somehow you need to help him talk to someone about his problems. If he absolutely won't, encourage him to write in a journal. This way he's not keeping his feelings all bottled up, but he's not telling anyone about them either. Writing has really helped me out in the past and even though it seems kind of lame at first, it's a wonderful way to get stuff out of your system. It also lets you look at your feelings from an outside perspective, which can be really helpful. Keep offering to listen. Let him know that you care. Try to figure out what exactly is going on with his family. If he's being abused he needs to get out of there. He doesn't have to run away if he contacts social services. Type [your state] social services in a search engine and you'll be able to find a number or e-mail address. In New York you would contact the New York State Department of Family Assistance, but it's set up slightly differently for other states. Have him tell them what's going on and they will give him professional advice on what to do. It's completely confidential and I don't think he even has to tell them who he is. If your boyfriend won't contact them you can. I've done it before about people in very similar situations as your boyfriend. Good luck with everything and remember to keep encouraging your boyfriend and letting him know how much you care about him.
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The best thing for this situation is to keep asking if you dont give up then it shows that you are strong enough to handle it. Maybe if you didnt ask him ut someone else maybe talk to the family members. Sometimes when parents do things they dont relize that they are hurting the children as well. If you talk to the parents they might be able to help you more. He is running away from what he fears. If he can conquer his fears then he can get over anything else. If his family shows that they really care about their sons feelings they will listen to you. Tell him that if he kills himself that the problem woont go away he will still be left with the same problem that made him leave. We can only solve our problems by talking to others. You need to be strong and dont worry. Never give up. I know that you might not be religious but praying about it might help you become stronger and give you the strength that you need to help him.
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well... in this case you should just go to his parents and tell them what their problems are doing to him. i know this seems hard, but its the best thing to do, try maybe telling him that you love him and that you dont want him to do anything like that. make sure that he knows that you will always love him and that hes your world... try to just get him to talk to you... try to get his mind off of it other times, dont let him have to much time to think about his problems and whatever you do, dont make your relationship with him seem like a problem too!
luv, alex
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You have to realise that there is nothing you can do about your boyfriend's problems. He is the only person that can solve them and all you can do is love and support him.
Try and encourage him to open up more and tell him how you would feel if he did anything bad to himself but remember that at the end of the day, it's up to him.
Be there for him when he needs you and try your best to love and support him but don't get so wrapped up in his problems that you forget your own.
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ok calm down. you need to keep the level head of the two of you. It is good that you want to help your boyfreind out. my fiance had many of hte same problems, depression, bipolar, even a few suicidal thoughts. he bottled everything up inside him too until it exploded. (my dad does the same thing). all you can do is support him. talk him into going to therapy. tell him that if he doesnt want to hurt you, then dont hurt himself. because him hurting himself hurts you. just reassure him that you are there for him. maybe you ned to force him to talk no matter how uncomphortable he is with it. He needs to let it out in some way shape or form. he needs to know that you deeply care about him. he needs your support. My fiance got into therapy and is on meds now to regulate his moods and help him out. he is doing much better. might i suggest the same thing to you. you just have to let him feel how much you care about him. you can tell him you care until your blue in teh face, but it wont do any good unless you SHOW him. he needsto see that you care about him enough to go out on a limp for him. if it gets really really bad maybe talk to his mom or dad, or your mom and dad and have htem talk to his. but i cant really tell you much else. if you want anything else...you can email me at StageAddict05@hotmail.com i am online right now and i will help you to hte best of my abilities. but hte biggest thing i can tell you is to stay calm ok? email me if you need anything, ok. i am on right now if you just need some one to talk to. granted it is through email, but it is better than nothing. i have nothing but support for you, seeing as i have goen through it myself. i am glad you came to me, and i hope i can help you out.
Juelz
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