ok, if you read the back of a mountain dew bottle it says like alot of stuff about what its made of, and one of the things its made of is yellow 5, now i heard that yellow 5 kills sperm cells. but i also heard alot of other stuff that is suppoust to kill sperm cells that wasnt ture but i heard this is really really ture. so does yellow 5 kill sperm cells and makes it a less chance to get a girl preggy?
Dear Mountain Dew,
Cultural myths continue from generation to generation, no matter what. In my day, it was Coke & Pepsi, so please don't let these uninformed facts replace common sense when it comes to birth control!
The numbers of babies born to youth under 18 years of age is absolutely staggering, so please don't add to these statistics! Do the responsible thing and use a condom (for HIV protection too), and have your partner use birth control gel or foam, if she's not using anything. Both of these products can be purchased at your local grocery or drug store.
If you are interested, you could do an internet search on birth control methods which would answer any questions about which methods are the most effective, etc. You could also visit (or call) your local Planned Parenthood Clinic for more information. At any rate, if you are having sex, do the responsible thing and USE BIRTH CONTROL.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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I used to be great friends with this guy John* who goes to a different school then me. (He goes to the Catholic school in our neighborhood, from which I have a lot of friends there.) Last year, me and him used to talk all the time. It was great. Plus, I really liked John* and I thought he had some feelings for me too. I was coming up with the courage to ask him out or anything, and then decided I was going to do it right when I came back from sleepaway camp, which was only a week long. I get back from sleepaway camp and find out that he's going out with this girl, who I know very well and I'm friends with. (Not anymore.) I was devastated! I still talked to him when they were together (about 5 months) but things were different. About 6 months ago I started talking to him, it wasn't the same but we still talked. Now, he has a girlfriend, and everytime I IM him he ignores me. Or, when he does answer it's just like one of those GAY conversations. I can't remember the last time I had a decent conversation with him, ITS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO START ONE! He knows I like him, but the thing is I'm really pathetic cause I barely know him anymore, and I don't talk to him anymore. =( PLEASE HELP! I rate 5's for good, QUICK answers.
Dear Hopeless,
When you meet someone who's on the same page as you, you'll know it! I know it's hard to let go of someone you really like, but remember John made absolutely no effort to continue your friendship once he started dating your friend. As difficult as this is, you might as well face it, he's not interested!
To that point, it's never worth selling yourself short for someone who's cute, popular, funny, or whatever; those qualities are meaningless unless he treats you with respect and values your feelings. Remember, you deserve to be with someone who appreciates you.
Hang in there because you will eventually meet someone who'll see you as the warm, caring person that you are! Until then, focus on developing those qualities that make you feel good about yourself.
I wish you well.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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Well I've been in a relationship for about 9 months now on-and-off. It's been amazing, but alot has happened. I love his family to death and they all love me, and I love my bf too. But he one dumped me for another girl, but two weeks later got me back. After that we swore to be honest with eacother. I felt that I couldn't trust him so we broke up again. I stayed single for about a month and a half after that, and no guy felt right. I love him and I knew it so I decided I should've stayed with him. So we got back together again. After a week of dating him again, he left to go to work out of state for Spring break, while I stayed here. I ended up partying alot and making out with another guy. I told the guy I didn't have a bf. Well when he got back he heard rumors that I had cheated on him, and I said they were all lies and denied all the accusations. In my mind, I felt like I was getting him back for what he put me through when he dumped me for the other girl.
Well then after three weeks of us being back together, we started fighting really bad, mostly because I felt really bad for cheating and was stressed because I couldn't tell him about it. Well he blew me off one day to go out of town with his friends. He told me they were out skating all night, but I knew he was lying. He kept ignoring my call, and when he finally did pick up I heard a girl in the background.
Well when he got back the next day he was acting all sweet to me. Then later this prank caller kept blowing up his phone, so finally I answered it and the caller said that my bf had cheated on me with her friend at a college party the night before. I asked her the girl's name and then told the girl to have her friend call me. Her friend did and explained that she had a bf and he told her he wasn't dating anyone at the time. He never drinks, but that night he got trashed (about 20 shots of Southern Comfort) and they ended up making out. He kept denying it when I asked him about it, and told me I could ask his friends.
His friends kept saying he was at the skate park over the speaker phone, because they knew he was listening, but then I called them when he wasn't around and they told me that they all went to a party and that he was just lying because he was drunk and doesn't want me to dump him over it. Well he came in the room while I was talking to them on the phone, and I put them on speaker phone asked them again where they went, and they told me agian that they went to a party. After I got off the phone, my bf started to cry hysterically and told me what happened. I started crying too and let him know how I had lied to him too. We decided to stay together and start over fresh, no lies, no more cheating, and no more shit behind eachother's backs.
Well my question is this:
Do you think it is worth staying together after we both cheated on eachother?
And if so, what can we both do to help eachother get over what we both did and focus on making this right again?
Dear Cheating Couple,
My, my, my...so much drama! It sounds like you both have a lot of work to do before you can seriously consider a committed relationship. Unless you are willing to stop ALL the game playing and begin being honest with yourselves, you don't stand a chance. Not only is your current relationship doomed but also any future relationships if you don't get honest with your selves.
Being in a committed relationship takes some emotional depth; some people aren't capable of this until they've matured a bit. In the meantime, perhaps you might both want to consider some personal growth work: a class, support group, or some kind of setting where you can explore who you are and what you're all about.
*What most people don't understand is the more we deeply we know ourselves the better able we are to connect with others. So, that being said, I hope you'll find a way to do the personal work necessary to get on the right track with yourself first and then each other.
I wish you well.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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Sorry, I wasn't exactly sure what category to put this under, it's kind of a mixture of love relationships & family ones.
(17/f) So anyways, I don't have a good relationship with my family. It's a tense, hostile situation, especially between my mom and I. I know this is characteristic of my age range, but the feeling of my family is that she has some mental issues that she needs to take care of, and that she's an extremely unreasonable person to work with. I'm graduating a year early and I'll be going to college in the fall. My mom doesn't know this yet, she's strongly opposed to me going until Spring which is out of the question, and the rest of my family agrees. I can't live in my household for another year after this. And this is where part of the problem comes in.
I've already talked to some people about the problems I've had with her, especially my boyfriend. He's very supportive, and I love him and trust him more than anyone. He's encouraged me to go and talk to my school's principal and director of pupil services to get some help with this, and it really has helped. But there have been some (note some, they're not frequent) abuse issues with my mom. I'm kind of reluctant to tell my boyfriend about those, because they're not huge and they're not frequent, and I don't want to have him worry too much. When these episodes occur they're upsetting, and my boyfriend has asked about the reasons for the upset, but I find that I haven't been able to tell him because I haven't found the words. Plus, I don't want any kid of authority to catch wind, because I still don't want a legal battle to ensue or to cause anything that will cut off ties with my family completely, especially since I'm leaving for college in six months.
So my questions are 1) How do I/should I tell my boyfriend about the abuse? 2)What should I do in regards to it?
Thanks, sorry it's so long.
Dear Abused,
Abuse is a difficult subject to bring up and there is no easy way to do this. Often those who are abused want to protect the very person who's abusing them; misplaced loyality gets in the way of either party receiving the help they need.
My guess is, if you are already talking to a school conunelor, he/she might already suspect that you've been abused. Often times there are tell tail signs that, if your counselor is aware of them, he/she will recognize that abuse has been occuring.
If this is not the case, I'd ask you to consider that your desire to tell your boyfriend is a sign that you want to stop living with secrets. No matter what, the effects of being abused will have long lasting consequences for you. It will show up and impact your intimate realtionhips; you will need to get help in order to overcome the damage done.
As for your mother, she absolutely needs help too which means at some point admitting what she's done to you. You and your mother have been hiding from the truth for far too long. Now is the time to come forward, tell the truth, and begin the healing process.
I wish you well.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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One of my best boy mates (lets call him adam) was going out with this girl (lets call her Tia). I had known Tia for a long time before Adam met her, but she asked him out, and they were inseperable.
What I hadn't told Adam was that Tia seems to use boys a bit, as soon as someone else comes along, she dumps her current boyfriend. I couldn't just go and tell him, they were so happy together and I didn't want to spoil anything.
Recently, Tia met this other guy (lets call him sean), and dumped Adam straight away. I can't believe it, cos Adam is so sweet and kind, i suppose he can easily get walked over though.
He treated her better than any other guy did.
Its just, he's so devestated, and I want to know how to make him cheer up. So, anyone got any ideas?
Dear He Got Dumped,
Relationships are important life teachers; no matter how difficult or painful, sometimes we need to go through what we need to go through. As friends, however we can offer emotional support which can be helpful.
It's not so important to "cheer-up" your friend as it is to just be there for him. He may want to talk about what happened, or maybe not; either way, letting him know that you care is important.
If the conversation gets to the point where you're wondering if you should tell him what you knew, think twice about this. Your intentions are important here! If your gut honestly tells you it would be best for him to know, then trust how you feel.
At any rate, your support can help him deal with a broken heart. Remember, friendships are important, so be good to each other.
I wish you well.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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well i just seem to feel more comfortable and easier to be friends with guys then girls. (by the way im a girl) i just feel like so shy when i try to be friends with girls and make friends with new girls and i dont know what to say. but it's so weird because most of my best friends are boys. like when i was little their was like 4 guys on my street and like one girl my age and i always wanted to play with the boys cause it seemed easieer. its just hard to be myself around girls. i'm definitely not a tomboy. i'm a typical teenage girl. i'm not talking about my sister or cousins, i mean just girls at school and stuff. what's my problem?
Dear Am I Weird,
No, this is not unusual at all. In fact, it was much the same way for me when I was your age. Just keep in mind that some day this might be different, and that's okay too!
There is great value in having BOTH male and female friends, and I'll bet as you get older it'll get easier to develop friendships with females. Sometimes, I think younger girls get caught up in the competition thing and forget that as females we share a great deal. Not only the biological aspects of our bodies, but our emotional makeup is different from guys. (Not better, not worse, just different.)
What I can tell you is this; I love the man I'm with, and I deeply value my female friends. Some more than others (of course), but for the most part my girls help me stay sane!
In time, I hope you'll also be able to develop close, supportive frienships with females. It's well worth the time and energy!
I wish you well.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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What is the meaning of life for you? I really don't like living but feel guilty for being middle class and not liking anything. Am I taking things for granted? My relationships with people kinda sucks. The future is bleak. It's complicated and nothing matters anymore.
Dear Meaning of Life,
You're having what's sometimes referred to as a "dark night of the soul," which involves asking tough questions about why you're here. Finding meaning in life requires courage and a willingness to seek out that which has value FOR YOU, in your life. Make no mistake, it requires effort, willingness, and yes, IMAGINATION!
The good news, at every point you have a choice in the matter. You can say f--- it, and throw in the towel, or you can take on the task of discovering what exactly will give meaning and value to your life.
For me, it's one thing. For you, it'll be something else. Be willing to look and listen carefully and dare to explore the deeper questions in your life. Either way, if you accept the challenge you will eventually find a way through your "dark night."
How long will it take? Who can say; but, unless you are willing to engage the question further, you'll contine to feel short changed.
Don't give up. Work to find the answers you're looking for; it's NO mistake that you are here!
I wish you well.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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My grandma had a stroke a few months now...4 to be exact! There are some problems in the family rite now so can you please help me. My grand-dad , who died, his niece came and she started bad talking me infront of me for the babysitter , my mom and even right next to me. This happened 2 days now and she's makin me ill. My mom told her to go home and don't come bak quickly. And now the doctor made me buy my grandma this expensive tablet...whre I live it's $3690 a month! And I am gettin money to buy groceries and stuff for the house but I'm not gettin that much money to buy it...and I know I should take it on because I'm only 14! I think I'm goin in a depression because this evenin I jus bought 12 tablets for $367 and that's only for 3 days!!!! I realised I am only crying and crying and it's relly buggin my mom!! What do I do? And I don't want to visit a doctor...so please help!
Dear I Don't Want to Get Sick,
If you google "free medicine" or "medicine assistance," or something similiar, there are many drug companies that will supply your grandmother with her medicines at little or no cost. Now, each company has there own rules about how to apply, and that information is provided on their website. Most drug companies have toll free 800 numbers on their websites.
Also, drug reactions happen sometimes. In this case, please let her doctor know about this as she'll probably need to try a different dose of that medicine or a different medication all together.
As for your depression, might you speak with a shool counselor, or chruch minister? You can also google "teen hotlines" in your area and speak with an anonymous hotline counselor. You are dealing with a lot and in times like these, it's important to get emotional support!
I wish you well.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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I've been with this guy for three and a half years. Things between us got pretty bad within the last year. We argued constantly. The thing about us is that we're very different. He believes in things that I dont believe in and vice versa. That never stopped us during the first two and a half years or so.. Honestly, I loved how he thought so differently from me even if it would cause arguments. However, I can't speak for him. He hated how I never agreed to his views. But I'm not going to say yes to everything he says just because I love him. I stick up for what I believe in as well. Well, I guess that is why we aren't together anymore..
We've been apart for two months now. We still talk to each other every day. He still tells me that he loves me. But sometimes he says to me that he doesn't think him and I will ever work out because we are so different but if we do go out again, it wouldn't be any time soon. Another thing is, after we broke up, he told my best guy friend who is also a friend of his that I'm the type of girl he wants to marry, that he wants to marry me. Uh.. if he doesn't like the person I am, my morals, my views on life, than why is he telling my friends that he still wants to be with me later and that he wants to marry me? I know he loves me, and the thing is, I know he wants to be with me. I know he can't ever stand the thought of me with another guy. He doesn't say it, but I know it. But honestly, I don't know if I'm holding on to something that will never ever work. It's like.. like I said earlier, I love the fact that we're different. That is one of the reasons why I fell in love with him. But him on the other hand, he can't stand it.. I don't know..
Am I foolish for being in love with someone who is the total opposite of me? Am I stupid for still having hope in us? For still wanting to be with him?
Thank you in advance.. Any advice is appreciated.
We are both twenty, if that helps or anything..
Dear Opposites Attract,
Are you foolish for loving someone so different from you? No. It is never foolish to love those who've helped us learn something valuable about who we are. Like a great teacher, relationships point us in the direction of deeper life lessons.
In as much as you and your exbf still have feelings for each other, that's to be expected. You spent a good deal of time with each other and shared a lot. Endings are not easy, and before you can go onto a new beginning, just know that pondering all the "what ifs" is part of coming to terms with what has happened. In time, you will come to see more fully why your time together was important and how it helped you move more fully into life.
Remember, all of our relationships are teachers; we learn valuable lessons from each situation and carry that knowledge into the future.
I wish you well.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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What would you do if one of your close friends was dating a guy she really likes and he tells you that he has feelings for you instead? Would you tell your friend?
I did. I knew it would hurt her but it just wouldnt be right if they continued dating and I knew that while he's with her, he has feelings for me. It wouldnt be fair to her.
But instead of her thanking me for looking out for her, it seems as if she thinks I'm trying to keep them apart, as if Im lying or something.
The guys sister, who is also a close friend of mine as well, doesnt believe me either. Everyone thinks I'm lying, but the thing is, I have proof. Everything he said to me was by text and I didnt delete them yet.
I dont understand them. Im not the type of person who would make things up. I wouldnt try to mess up someones relationship for no reason. But I'm still viewed as the bad person.. and honestly, it really hurts me to know that none of my friends believe me. My friend knows that I'm not lying though because I've read her the text messages.. yet, Im still viewed as wrong. And even still, she continues to date him knowing that the damn guy has feelings for me. I dont know how anyone would settle for a person who has feelings for another person at the same time. Its just stupid..
I really need advice because its really hurting me to know that these girls do not see that Im only trying to be a true friend..
(By the way, the guy, he is a cool guy. We got along well, prior to when he told me he liked me. But I never ever viewed him as someone Id try to get with because I already have a man in my life that I love and who I only want to be with. So I dont want anyone to think that the reason I told her was because Im trying to get with him.. which even she may already think.)
Thank you for any advice.
20/f
Dear Wrong When Right,
It was a tough decision to tell your friend what this guy said to you, and her reaction reflects her level of maturity. You've made an attempt to clarify why you made this decision, which is all you can really do!
You have no control over the way she or her sister has decided to judge your action. Maybe in time, they will come to understand why you exposed this guy's deception, and then again, this may not ever happen. You might have to deal with the fact that these girls would have preferred to have been left in the dark, in this case.
Unless they have a change of heart, what else you really can do? You did what you thought was best and it backfired. Live, learn, and go forward; sometimes, that's all we can do!
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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Me and my boyfriend of two years just broke up. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel really depressed. And it feels impossible to get over him because we planned everything. Plus I have depression on top of that and he was truly the only best friend and soulmate I ever had. He was the one who broke it off because he's suddenly not ready for a relationship.
How do you get over someone for that long?
And I am homeschooled, so I can't keep very busy and I don't have too many friends to help me cope with this because I left my public school and won't be going back. I will rate, thanks.
Dear Impossible,
Yep, "don't know what to do anymore" just about says it! Listen, what you are going through is a "grieving process;" you are dealing with the death of what was and that hurts. The pain you feel WILL eventually diminish, and what you will go through to get to that point is unavoidable.
That lost feeling is sometimes referred to as the "dark night of the soul," and philosophers, poets, & songwriters have lamented and bemoaned this condition for eons. There's no hard and fast rule as to how long this middle "lost in the wilderness" stage will last, but just know that it's after the "ending" and before the "new beginning." In other words, it's a process which takes time.
Lick your wounds, dear one, and make use of whatever support you've got in your life at this time. If such suport isn't available, seek it out. It's very important that you do this; being supported emotionally WILL help. What about your parents, can you talk with them?
You mentioned you have "depression," so are you seeing a therapist? If so, make an appointment! If you attend church, how about someone there? Try googling a 12-Step group for folks who struggle with depresson called "Emotions Anonymous." There is probably a website with locations for teen meetings, or try googling "teen hotlines" and speak to an anonymous hotline counselor.
Listen, breakups are difficult for everyone; there's no getting around it, they hurt! The best way to deal with it is to GO THROUGH IT WITH SUPPORT. In the meantime, don't run away (drugs, alcohol, self-mutilation, random sex etc.) from the pain, but DO SEEK SUPPORT!
You will survive your broken heart, so hang in there! I wish you well.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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....im with this guy and its great but there is one thing . when he tells me he is going to do things he does do them i mean i guess its just little things but it really bugs me. like when we are on the phone he tells me he has to feed his dog and he will be about 5 mins ...than he calls back around 3 hours later and says sorry.. or he says we are going to hang out today but than he says he cant and than says sorry. he tells me he is going to do things but never does and im getting tired of it..i guess its really the calling thing that bugs me the most but ...is this really anything to stress over or am i being alittle cranky?
Dear I Can't Believe Him,
Listen, I'd be cranky too if somebody was treating me that way! It's important to be able to trust each other, especially a bf or gf. If your bf can't follow through with what he says he's going to do, then it's about time you talk with him. After all, it's bothering you and therefore it's already affecting your relationship. LET HIM KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, and hopefully being honest with him will help!
If this doesn't help, you might want to ponder why you are willing to be with someone who doesn't respect you enough to keep his word. Keep it real; you deserve an honest relationship with somebody who'll be honest in return. The ball is in your court!
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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My husband and I have not had sex in a year. This is no doubt of monogamy. We both have health issues, but come on, in a year! He is 40 and I am 39. We have been married for 6 years. We never have had a good sex life and I just don't know what to do to get the fire going. We are affectionate as far as he rocks me in the recliner, kisses me (not romantically), we still hold hands. It seems we are more like loving room-mates and I want more. He is definately my soulmate. We were each others first for sex. We met in college but at the time he played football and that was his life. After 11 years of being apart we got back together. All my friends tell me it's a fairy tale, but I'm too embarrassed to tell them about my sex life, because they think we have everything. Please help.
Dear I Want More,
Yes, a year is a long time to go without sex. And, yes, health issues can kill the urge for some; might this be the case for your husband? Have you discussed this with him? If not, this might help. If you have and it has not helped, perhaps it's time to consider seeing someone professionally. Relationship counseling can be helpful, if you're both agreeable to the process.
For many, the role of sex in an intimate relationship is a complicated matter and it goes hand in hand with old baggage. Now, we all have baggage of some kind, even those with so called "perfect" relationships. (Which in reality don't exist.) Sometimes, as we change (emitionally, physically, etc.) it can affect our libido, and for many it's next to impossible to address without seeking assistance.
Your friends might not be the best choice for discussing the situation, but only you can say for sure. As you know, your relationship is worth the time and energy that it would take to make this interpersonal inquiry. Also, I'd like to suggest a book that might be helpful called: Listening to Midlife, by Mark Gerzon. It's still available on Amazon.com.
You deserve a healthy relationship in all ways: physically, emotionally, and sexually. I wish you well on your journey!
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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well, the girlfriend and i were havin sex last night...i came in the condom i was wearing, then pulled out....but she kept things goin till i got erect again about 15 minutes later...still wearing that same condom with the cum in it, we started having sex again...the condom then broke a few minutes later...i pulled out as soon as i noticed...but im worried that the cum already in the condom could still possibly get her pregnant??...id really appreciate an answer. Thanks ppl.
Dear Worried,
Yes, because it only takes the smallest amount of semen to get pregnant, so your concern is not unfounded.
It sounds like you already know that it's important to use a new condum with each encounter, so I won't go there with you. I commend the fact that you were even wearing one at all. I know that many young people don't bother; needless to say, we have many little ones here to prove it!
There is also something called the "morning after" pill, that you can get from a drugstore without a Rx, and your girl might want to consider this JUST IN CASE. You can google this for more information, but I'm fairly certain that most large chain drugstores (Walgreens, Longs, Rite Aid, etc.) carry this product. Better yet, your local Planned Parenthood clinic can help with this too.
At any rate, keep using those condoms; it's the responsible thing to do!
I wish you well.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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I'm 20 years old, and my boyfriend is 23 and we've been in a serious relationship for almost 6 years now! Unfortunately, i don't trust certain things about him! For Example, it seems like his head is elsewhere all the time. We live together, but he says he wants to be around me all the time. What is weird for me though, is that, he's coming home later than usual and leaving earlier then usual. But i can't see any signs of change other than that, besides are sex life, which we are currently changing, after i talked to him about that for 1 year and a half! I don't know what's happening to us, something seems wrong and i don't know what it is! We go clubbing every Saturday and all he does is sit there to stare at other women. I think he's no longer attracted, but he tells me he is. After 6 years we've went through every problem a million times. I'm not scared to talk to him about anything, so i always ask! He says one thing, but does the opposite of what he says, this leaves me so confused! HELP SAVOUR THE RELATIONSHIP!!! PLEASE!! (we have plans to get married and everything)
Dear Heeeelp,
People can say anything, but our actions speak volumns! It sounds like your guy is saying one thing and feeling something else.
Since taking about this doesn't seem to be helping, is there someone you could talk to together? Maybe a school counselor, or you could google a 24 hr hotline and speak with an anonymous hotline counselor.
It's rare that people would come together so young and be able to remain a couple for such a long time. Our teens and twenties are usually when people discover who they are and what they want in life. This especially includes making decisions about what does and does not work in intimate relationships. Given the fact that you've both skipped over that stage, it might be time to do that now, BEFORE MARRIAGE.
Listen, with each and every relationship we learn something very important about who we are. This is a good thing, and for most of us, it takes time.
I know this thought will probably make you very uncomfortable, but sometimes to grow we have to risk that which we value the most. Only then, are we able to clearly see and understand what we need to do! Hey, it's worth exploring via counseling, isn't it?
You are both worth the time and effort to try and figure out what the next step will be in your relationship. Do this NOW, as it will be much more difficult if you wait until after you are married.
I wish you well.
Earth Mother
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So this popular guy liked me in middle school and I hated him back then because he was a bully. Fast forward to four years later, I've had a crush on him for three years. We kept staring at each other all the time for the past while. I just started talking to him and smiling at him last week. When the week ended he got into his car and drove away. I got the worst feeling in my stomach and was depressed for three days and I didn't know why. New semester started yesterday and apparently, he finished all his courses and had graduated. I am never going to see him again.
I've thrown up three times and been crying non stop for the past 5 hours. I really really liked him. What am I supposed to do? I feel like I'm going to go off myself and it's so pathetic because we've barely talked but you have no idea how much I like this day. What am I supposed to do now? I feel like my world has come crashing down on me.
Dear World Is Crashing,
Whenever there is an extreme reaction, such as the one you've described, it is a "red flag" signaling that you need help! There is no other way to say this, dear one, but you've got some relationship issues (sometimes called "daddy issues") with the opposite sex.
I'm guessing that you grew up, or are growing up, without a father in the picture. Or, if he is around, just barely so. Our relationship with our father sets the standard for how we relate to men from a very early age.
You didn't really know this guy, and yet look at the impact that his leaving had; this is really about your "daddy issues." Is your father absent, or does he ignore you? These issues are killers because they can really mess you up in the long run, unless YOU GET HELP! Now, none of this might make a lot of sense to you, but I can assure you that it's all connected.
Is there a school counselor you can speak to about this? You might try googling "teen hotlines" in your area and speak to an anonymous hotline counselor; either way, you need to see someone and begin working on your issues.
Don't fret, we all have issues to work on! It's a package deal called being human, and in fact, I'm a survivor of those very issues myself! So, you see, there is hope but it requires that you do your part. Hey, nothing gets better without working on it. Plus, counseling is a way to know yourself better, and how bad can that be?
Our emotional health is very deeply rooted in our physical health, so the crying and desperation are connected to the unresolved issues in your life. Please seek help. It's really the only answer to your dilemma!
I wish you well.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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Hi! Well I always give advice on here, but I figured why not get some for a change! Anyway, so there is this guy that goes to my college, and lately it has been obvious that he likes me. I was never interested in him, but now that he has started showing interest, I find myself always reading his away messages, IMing and texting him, calling him on the weekends on hang out... basically all that stuff that people normally do when they like someone. He is a really cool guy and I like hanging out with him and being around him, but I don't want to fool myself into thinking that I like him if I don't! Basically, do you think that I have started to like him, or do you think I am just flirting with him because I like getting the attention from him? I can't tell the difference between the 2 in this situation, so I was just wondering what you all think!! Thanks! :)
Dear Do I Reallly Like Him,
It sounds like you need to have an honest heart to heart with yourself! After all, how will you know how you feel unless you get to know him better?
This belief that we either like or dislike someone without really knowing them is a judgement based on immediate attraction. Now, not that this is bad, but it is limited and lacking in emotional depth. Perhaps, by making contact with him you are giving yourself a chance to know him better and there is nothing wrong with that!
Why not bring up the subject and flat out tell him you're open to having him as a friend, and see where it goes from there. Be clear about your intentions, so that things don't get messy. Who knows, he might be a really great guy, but you'll never know that unless you get to know him better!
Either way, as a good friend or a bf, you deserve only the best!
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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ok so i REALLY love my boyfriend..but lately since i told him that his best friend rapped me..he started getting...controlling and like now whenever i say somthing hell scream and say BITCH SHUT UP...then hell say "oh im sorry baby" and everything is fine but he hit me a couple of times..i told my best friend and she told me to break up with him..but i LOVEE him! and..if i i do decide to break up with him..im scared hell like..kill me or somthingg!
plz help me.i dont know where else im going to get help!
~lila
Dear Lila,
You might be too young to know this, but everything you've mentioned about this relationship is part of a domestic violence (DV) pattern.
Although you are young, you are not too young to start learning about DV. It is a major problem in relationships with more people (teens and adults) than you'd ever imagine!
You might want to google "domestic voilence" or "battered women shelters" to find out where in your area you can speak with someone about this. These kinds of problems NEVER get better, unless the person involved gets help!
For whatever reason you are attracted to someone who'll use physical violence with you, please know that you are not alone. Also know that it will only get worse as you get older unless you reach out and GET HELP NOW, while you are young!
There might be a DV class or group you can get involved in to learn more about this. The DV shelter in your area will know of such resources and be able to assist you with rape counseling.
Please, reach out and find the help you need before it's too late. You deserve someone who'll treat you with respect, which means NEVER EVER using physical violence FOR ANY REASON!
I wish you well.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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Things have been really not too good lately. I'm 15, female and I know this is the time when everybody changes. But OK I have 2 BFFs - like, I have other best/close friends but these 2 are like my best best friends if that makes sense - well anyway, I am not too fond of change and seems like everything is changing. Last week was our spring break, these 2 girls and I usually would have done everything together, but we didn't hang out that much by ourselves, only in bigger groups and only sometimes. We don't feel like BFFs anymore. And another thing, one of them is switching schools next year to go to a private school, so IDK. Can someone just help me, explain to me whats going on? The one girl, Michelle, was kinda being mean to me and they don't seem to tell me stuff anymore. Should I just forget about them and hang with other friends? But they're my BEST friends and I will miss that. Also, not Michelle but the other one, her dad was just diagnosed with cancer so maybe thats making her act weird and I want to be there for her but Michelle has no excuse. I'll rate 5s for anything that helps, sorry if its long and confusing! But tomorrow in Italian we're supposed to pick partners for this big project and Michelle's in my class so I don't know how that will go .. so just help me please! Oh, and I haven't talked to them about it and I don't think we could really TALK about it. But, anyway, Thanks!
Dear Messed Up,
Okay, so you don't want to tell these girls (who you call best friend's) that you're uncomfortable with how they've been treating you? It's interesting that you can't really talk to your best friends.
You might want to ask yourself what qualities make a "best" friend. I would think being able to share what's on your mind & in your heart would be MOST important of all!
Let's face it, you can hang out & do sufff with just about anybody, BUT having an honest relationship with a best friend is someting special. It sounds like you've got some thinking to do about what you need from your friendships.
Also, what responsibility do you have to do your part (as in, being honest) concerning the friendship? All friendships go through trying times and require a little give and take, but I know of NO "best" friendships that can survive without honesty!
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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My mum and I just had a big argument.. we NEVER fight, but when we do it's pretty bad. Anyway, I told her I hadn't been sleeping lately, like it takes me hours to get to sleep because I'm doing year 12 and I'm very stressed. I have trouble concentrating at school and I'm having difficulty doing my work because of lack of sleep (I get 5 or 6 hours at most, but usually less). I asked her if maybe I could see a doctor or get something at the drugstore to help me sleep, and she got REALLY angry at me, saying it was my fault for not concentrating and that I was selfish and that there's nothing a doctor could give me ever so I just had to deal with it. She also made fun of me and acted like it was no big deal. Well, I know it's nothing serious, but I thought I could just ask her if there's anything I could get. I felt very hurt that she treated me like that when I thought I could rely on her to help me out. Now I'm starting to think that maybe it IS my fault, and she was right.
What do you guys think of this? We haven't spoken since then. Was I really making a big deal over nothing? Is my mum right? She's usually very wise, but I still feel kinda bad she said that to me. Is it really true that there's nothing you can for insomnia?
I will rate.
Dear Am I Right,
I'm sorry that your mother was so insensitive to you. Yes, our parents are human and have their share of shortcomings. It's important to tell your mom that "her response" hurt your feelings.
Sometimes when people react like this, it's because they're feeling overwhelmed with things going on in their lives. In addition, she may not understand that insomnia is usually a "red flag," a symptom that something is going on with you.
At any rate, I commend you for reaching out about this situation, and there are better solutions than drugs (legal or illegal). You see, although some OTC (over the counter) product might help you sleep, it won't help you understand why you're having this difficulty.
Might this be something that you could speak to a school counselor or favorite teacher about? How about googling for a 24 hr anonymous "teen hotline"? Speaking confidentailly with someone about how you're feeling about your life might just help.
There's a reason you aren't able to sleep; reach out now, dear one, before it becomes more serious. Remember, be good to your self and those you love.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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