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Abuse
Sorry, I wasn't exactly sure what category to put this under, it's kind of a mixture of love relationships & family ones.
(17/f) So anyways, I don't have a good relationship with my family. It's a tense, hostile situation, especially between my mom and I. I know this is characteristic of my age range, but the feeling of my family is that she has some mental issues that she needs to take care of, and that she's an extremely unreasonable person to work with. I'm graduating a year early and I'll be going to college in the fall. My mom doesn't know this yet, she's strongly opposed to me going until Spring which is out of the question, and the rest of my family agrees. I can't live in my household for another year after this. And this is where part of the problem comes in.
I've already talked to some people about the problems I've had with her, especially my boyfriend. He's very supportive, and I love him and trust him more than anyone. He's encouraged me to go and talk to my school's principal and director of pupil services to get some help with this, and it really has helped. But there have been some (note some, they're not frequent) abuse issues with my mom. I'm kind of reluctant to tell my boyfriend about those, because they're not huge and they're not frequent, and I don't want to have him worry too much. When these episodes occur they're upsetting, and my boyfriend has asked about the reasons for the upset, but I find that I haven't been able to tell him because I haven't found the words. Plus, I don't want any kid of authority to catch wind, because I still don't want a legal battle to ensue or to cause anything that will cut off ties with my family completely, especially since I'm leaving for college in six months.
So my questions are 1) How do I/should I tell my boyfriend about the abuse? 2)What should I do in regards to it?
Thanks, sorry it's so long.
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Dear Abused,
Abuse is a difficult subject to bring up and there is no easy way to do this. Often those who are abused want to protect the very person who's abusing them; misplaced loyality gets in the way of either party receiving the help they need.
My guess is, if you are already talking to a school conunelor, he/she might already suspect that you've been abused. Often times there are tell tail signs that, if your counselor is aware of them, he/she will recognize that abuse has been occuring.
If this is not the case, I'd ask you to consider that your desire to tell your boyfriend is a sign that you want to stop living with secrets. No matter what, the effects of being abused will have long lasting consequences for you. It will show up and impact your intimate realtionhips; you will need to get help in order to overcome the damage done.
As for your mother, she absolutely needs help too which means at some point admitting what she's done to you. You and your mother have been hiding from the truth for far too long. Now is the time to come forward, tell the truth, and begin the healing process.
I wish you well.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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You need to talk to someone about what your mother is doing to you. It's not good to keep those kinds of things bottled in. My suggestion would be to talk to a counselor at your school. Make sure it's confidential and that your mother can't be reported before saying anything. It will be really good for you to talk about it with someone. Telling your boyfriend isn't a good idea right now. Tell him when you are in college. You'll be away from your mother and more independant and free. He should know about it and it would be a good time to tell him when you are living at college. Abuse is not a good thing. You need to find a way to make it stop. Even though you'll be going to college soon, you don't need to suffer through any more abuse. They're not going to take you away from your mother or put her in jail. There's not going to be a "legal battle". You are practically an adult. Most likely, she'll just have to go to counseling since it doesn't seem like the abuse is severe. This could help her. She needs help just as much as you do. You have to deal with her the rest of your life. Having your school counselor or other professional report her or do something about it is a good thing for everyone. Abuse is abuse and it needs to stop. I really encourage you to get help and I wish you the best of luck. :)
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you have 2 options if you tell him he will probably get upset and want to tell some authority or will want to stop it by confronting her. i would suggest you not tell him but i would suggest that you tell your mother that if she abuses you that you wont stand for it becuase if she loves you at all she wouldnt abuse you. After you deal with your mom and its resolved then tell your bf, but listen you need to stop it yourself and if she doesnt listen then tell him and get him involved to give you support. BUT if this abuse is very bad you need to go to the authorities and she needs to be corrected for her actions. hope this helps
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