|
wrong when I'm right
What would you do if one of your close friends was dating a guy she really likes and he tells you that he has feelings for you instead? Would you tell your friend?
I did. I knew it would hurt her but it just wouldnt be right if they continued dating and I knew that while he's with her, he has feelings for me. It wouldnt be fair to her.
But instead of her thanking me for looking out for her, it seems as if she thinks I'm trying to keep them apart, as if Im lying or something.
The guys sister, who is also a close friend of mine as well, doesnt believe me either. Everyone thinks I'm lying, but the thing is, I have proof. Everything he said to me was by text and I didnt delete them yet.
I dont understand them. Im not the type of person who would make things up. I wouldnt try to mess up someones relationship for no reason. But I'm still viewed as the bad person.. and honestly, it really hurts me to know that none of my friends believe me. My friend knows that I'm not lying though because I've read her the text messages.. yet, Im still viewed as wrong. And even still, she continues to date him knowing that the damn guy has feelings for me. I dont know how anyone would settle for a person who has feelings for another person at the same time. Its just stupid..
I really need advice because its really hurting me to know that these girls do not see that Im only trying to be a true friend..
(By the way, the guy, he is a cool guy. We got along well, prior to when he told me he liked me. But I never ever viewed him as someone Id try to get with because I already have a man in my life that I love and who I only want to be with. So I dont want anyone to think that the reason I told her was because Im trying to get with him.. which even she may already think.)
Thank you for any advice.
20/f
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Dear Wrong When Right,
It was a tough decision to tell your friend what this guy said to you, and her reaction reflects her level of maturity. You've made an attempt to clarify why you made this decision, which is all you can really do!
You have no control over the way she or her sister has decided to judge your action. Maybe in time, they will come to understand why you exposed this guy's deception, and then again, this may not ever happen. You might have to deal with the fact that these girls would have preferred to have been left in the dark, in this case.
Unless they have a change of heart, what else you really can do? You did what you thought was best and it backfired. Live, learn, and go forward; sometimes, that's all we can do!
Take Care,
Earth Mother
]
My advice to you is if she still didnt believe you after you told her and her friend. The nshow them both your text and if they think that you typed that up on your own and are still making it all up then there really isnt anything else you can do. She might get very mad at you if you show it to her but eventually shell find out that hes just playing her andwhen she does shell come back to you apologizing and trying to say sorry. That is great but if he comes to you after they break up asking you out dont go out with him because then shell just think that you and him played something out to break them up so you to could get together then she wont be your friend any more. Juts remember there is only so much that a friend can do its up to the person your trying to explain it to to believe you or not. Just be a mentor and dont bug her much about it if she doesnt want to beleive you then thats her fault shell find out soon or a later. I hope i helped a little and good luck with that.
~*~ Short N Punky ~*~
]
It's a very tricky situation.
The only reason why neither of these girls believe you is that both of them are too close to the guy in question.
His sister wouldn't want to believe that he is capable of trying to hit on someone else when he is going out with another girl. If they are relatively close siblings, she will always stick up for him over a friend. I know it's not very nice and it's silly to back up someone when you have proof that they were in the wrong, but it's just how some people can be.
As for his girlfriend, my guess is that she really likes him a lot. Because of this, it's easier to convince herself that you are a liar and that he would never do that to her, than to accept the idea he's not this great guy she thinks he is.
The bad news is there's not really a lot more you can do to convince them because it's down to the guy. He knows the truth and he's standing there, letting you take all this without doing anything to stop it. Or perhaps he doesn't know? If he doesn't know what's going on, you need to have a chat to him about it if you can. Tell him that nothing could ever happen between the two of you and that you're not happy that he's told you this when he's going out with your friend because he's put you in a very awkward position.
It's nice that he's said he has feelings for you, because it takes a lot of courage to tell someone that. But you were right to tell your friend because I can't imagine most people would want to be with a guy who chases another girl while with them. However, she appears to have made her choice and there's nothing you can do about it now. Eventually, she will come round but it will take some time.
]
Hello,
All I could say is that sometimes life doesn't go the way you want it to be. Your friend might be too blinded with love to accept your warning. Things like this happens. You did what you had to do as a friend, it's her choice to take heed or ignore it.
If your friends don't beleive you, then I don't think they know you well enough if they were your friends. But you have to see the pros and cons between showing the messages- they might believe you or think more that you're trying to intefere.
Ignore them when they hurt you- you know you are trying to be a good friend and that should enough. If they don't see that then that's their problem- their loss is all I could say. If you think there are more negative traits then positive traits in your friends then distance yourself slowly and try to stay alone for a while until you get new friends. Better to be alone than in bad company.
If you feel hurt try to write it out, talk with someone you trust, use your emotions to do something productive, excersize, etc. Don't keep it in, its not healthy physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Akiko-san
]
More Questions: |