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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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(WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)
The Question
my recently ex boyfriend didn't like my friends because they said some mean things about him. i wasn't aloud to talk to them or go with them... but we go and hang around with his...after many fights over 6mths and him breaking things because of this and him not trusting me. after 2 break-ups we were fighting almost everyday...finally he again brought his mother into our fight to get her to side with him. i called my mother just so that she could lisen because he left and i had no one to talk to.i felt alone and he didn't think i should of called my mother..anyhow we broke up for the 3rd time would this mean that we wern't in love and that he was controlling and abusive
The Answer
Breaking up doesn't mean anything except that two people have decided they don't work well togeather anymore as a couple.
He IS controlling and a bit of a jackass he. He would have been controlling and a bit of a jackass if you had chosen to marry him, or if you broke up with him. Either way, he'd still be the person he is, and that person doesn't sound very nice.
Only you can decide what you feel, and if you were in love or not. It's okay to love a controlling asshole, it's just not okay to stay with them.
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The Question
im 16/f and ive been smoking for about 10 or 11 months. this lady used to supply me to pay me back for letting her dogs out every day. but recently, she hasnt asked me as much. on average, i do it about twice a week now.
but i thought i was ok because my boyfriends family smoked and i could always hit off them when i went over there. well, his brother's (who is 28) back has been hurting, so he cant get a job and he cant drive. his dad is getting pissed because he spends almost 300 dollars a week on cigarettes to supply his family, and its affecting the rent money they use to pay for the house they are renting out. so the whole family has to quit, and now i have to, too.
i dont drive yet, and im unemployed. i know if i just had enough money i could get someone to go to the store and buy me some, but im not made of money, and soon im gonna start driving and i have to help pay for car insurance.
smoking is all im thinking about right now. i dont know what im gonna do. its only been a day and im already an emotional wreck; depressed, pissed off, mood swings, crying, yelling...etc.
can someone tell me how in the world im supposed to last? is there anything i can do that'll make it any easier?
The Answer
There is no exact science to it, but the worst of the withdrawal generally lasts 3-7 days.
If nicotine patches or gum aren't options, just drink lots of water, chew normal gum or suck on lollipops to keep your mouth busy and take a walk or a jog when you get too irritabile.
No matter what tricks you use, in the end you just need to endure it. You're better off this way anyways.
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The Question
so seriously can your skin, if it's like peeled off be placed back and have it heal just fine?
so this might sound insane lol
and if so..can u cut a slice of it and place it on a different part of your body?
The Answer
Yes, and no.
There is a medical treatment which does basically what you are describing and it's called Skin Grafting. It's used for people who have serious burns, or who loose large parts of their skin to illness or other damage. It's a process that has been around since the early 1900's and is now pretty effective and safe.
You can read more about it here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skin_graft
It's not quite so simple as cutting and pasting. It takes special tools and there are risks of course, but it's not all that unusual.
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The Question
Hi there
I'm going to start seeing a psyciatrist. In the past four months my life has been falling apart through multiple horrible ecvents. I don't want to get in detail about it, but basically I'm depressed. Ive started taking Xanax because my dad has them (he let's me don't worry)... They're the only way I can stop myself from crying at night and help me fall asleep. I also hurt physically all the time , like someones been punching me. For this, ive been taking oxycodeine. This I got from my friends, but I'm careful and only use whatsnecessary. So when I start going to see the psychiatrist, what should I say to him so that he'll give me a prescription to both? Please, don't say there are other ways bc I needthis help at this time in my life. Thanks
The Answer
First off: Stop taking the Xanax and oxycodeine.
Unless your Dad or friends are doctors, it's dangerous and ILLLEGAL for you to be taking these medications.
I know drugs help, really I do, and anti-depressants can be life savers (they certainly saved my life) but they can also have dangerous side effects and MUST, absolutely MUST be prescribed to YOU by a doctor. Your family doctor could even prescribe them too you, but anything less then that is just stupidly dangerous. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't tell you to STOP doing that.
So STOP IT. When you see your psychiatrist be honest with them. I hope you can also honestly say that you realized it wasn't really safe (and it’s illegal!) so you stopped doing it until you spoke to them! Then ASK the psychiatrist what they would suggest you take. There are many drugs out that are similar to Xanax but with far better reported results, and oxycodeine is a very, very serious and highly addictive drug. They call it 'hillbilly heroine'. I'm sure your psychiatrist can recommend something far safer for you.
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The Question
so say that ur parent wanted youto get checked out to see if you had sex. i hear that they cant tell and such. but i want to know if they really could or not i havnt had sex but, if i have masturbated with my fingers wouldnt tht still break stuff w.e or not and wit tampons like i tryed using them a couple of times. and say that you tried having sex but just the tip of the penis went inside you could they still see that???
The Answer
A doctor can't tell FOR CERTAIN if you have sex or masturbate. They might have an opinion based on what they see on your body, but short of being pregnant or having an STD, there is no absolute proof.
They also can't tell your parents. At all. Period.
The US Supreme Court has ruled that the US Constitution affords a minor the same privacy rights in medical issues as it does an adult.
If a doctor does tell your parents something without your permission, contact your states Board of Medical Licensure and report them. Your doctor can only give information to your parents if they think you are in danger or if there is a reason to believe you aren't able to make an informed decision (ie, mental health troubles, abusive relationship, ectra.)
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The Question
What would you do if you and this individual who's an adult had an issue with each other and then as you were working out the issue with the person, all of a sudden you found out he is avoiding the situation in trying to work out the issue and he deletes you off his friends list on a social networking site without any reason telling you why. You haven't done anything wrong other than over reacting about the issue and you want to know why he deleted you and your friend off his friends list. You try and find out why, but he ignores you. You tried everything from emailing and all and he ignores you completely without working out the issue. Plus you try to apologize for over reacting and he doesn't accept the apology or trying to avoid accepting the apology. What would you do?
The Answer
I would get over it, and leave him alone.
It's done. You only knew this person through a social networking site. It wasn't WORTH it to him to 'work out' the problem, because he wasn't the least bit invested in an online relationship with someone he doesn't even know.
We don't 'work out' every problem we have in life. When someone cuts in line at the store, I don't have a moral discussion with them about why it upsets me, it's not worth my time. I might say quickly what is wrong, but I probably just ignore them! It's the same basic principal at play.
Not every problem among adults gets 'worked out'. Society would cease to function if we took time out to discuss every little transgression made by total strangers. Mostly, just ignore them.
You should NOT be this invested in an online relationship with a stranger. It's not healthy and it's not rational. He choose to terminate his contact with you, and he was perfectly entitled too. It's good you apologized, if you felt you did something wrong, but now it's time to just let this go, and to RESPECT his choice to not have contact with you anymore.
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The Question
My boyfriend and I really want to see eachother more because we go to different schools, but my parents are being really annoying about it. They know I have a boyfriend because they have hinted that they know, and I think that it only made it worse. Normally, I'm not allowed to be at a guy's house or a guy at my house. But now, it seems like they are making a big deal about us even trying to hang out alone at a public place. I think that they think that we will sneak off and go to his house. And obviously I get that they are afraid of pregnancy or me getting hurt, but it just seems like I'm getting a little old for this. I'm 16. Lately I've been pretending to hang out with groups of friends but I actually don't hang out with them, I just sneak off. My parents are getting smart about it though because now they want to see who I am with. And my friends are never available and they are bad at making plans, so it's just getting increasingly frustrating. My parents can not be convinced against their beliefs. So what can I do?
The Answer
Stop the deception and the half-truths.
It's quite possible that your parents 'hinting' and now their increased protectiveness is a response to the fact you haven't been upfront with them. They don’t like being lied too, no one does.
To them, it probably looks like you are hiding something. That would worry any parent. They assume you are doing something wrong, because you are lying to them about it.
Sure, you have a right to having a boyfriend, but your parents can fairly expect you to be honest with them about where you and what you doing when you are a minor living in their home.
So start the frank, mature discussion you need to have. You are right that you are a little old for this, but the way you show that, is by having an honest discussion, not by avoiding the uncomfortable topic and then going out and doing whatever you want and lying about it. Going out in doing whatever the hell you want to do is what teens do when they DO get in trouble, not when they are just going about their lives.
So TALK to your parents. You might be right. They might turn out to be totally irrational and strict about you having a boyfriend, or they might be relieved and comforted by your honesty and willing to discuss rules and boundaries that you all can live with (such as: no lying and we’d like too met him, both of which would be totally fair requests!)
If you don’t want to be treated like a lying, misbehaving and untrustworthy teenager who might get herself into trouble, don’t act like one, be honest with your parents. They don't need every detail of your life, but the big ones are still thier bussiness.
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The Question
okay so im going to do this "diet" where for 2 weeks all you eat is vegetables. well i was wondering because you're not getting very many calories because vegetables don't have many, would it be okay if i had maybe every other day a "bad food" item. only one? like maybe have a brownie one day or a hamburger from burger king one day or somethig like that? will i still lose weight?
The Answer
Whether or not you 'cheat' a little bit and eat some junk food, you will simply gain the weight back after the 'diet' is over unless you also change your lifestyle.
That is exactly the reason people say diets don't work, because they only solve the problem for a very short time while you are actually doing them. As soon as you go back to your normal eating, you go back to your normal weight.
Why not just try eating less junk food in general? One piece a day is plenty! Diet or no diet, one thing a day should pretty much do ya. And then eat healthier and be more active in general. That way the results you enjoy will actually last, and you'll be a healthier person as well a lighter one.
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The Question
I know this sounds disgusting but will I be okay if my dog licked my vagina? Seriously- will I get any diseases or illnesses? Isn't it true that dogs mouths are cleaner than humans? I would like some advice from a knowledgeable person. I was just experimenting and I'm worried that I might get sick or get an infection,
The Answer
It's not okay. It's animal abuse and in most states it is against the law.
Your pet is a living creature. Don't use it for your sexual pleasure. I hate to sound like a PETA nut bar, because I'm most certainly not, but I can't see why anyone would feel this is an appropriate thing to do with an animal. You are taking advantage of it's naivety and lower intelligence for your own gratification, that is very arrogant and very low. When we do that with people, it's called rape. Do not objectify and sexually abuse your pet. They are supposed to be loved and respected members of the family! It's simply not right.
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The Question
Hi! I’m a 19 year old girl and since 4 months I have a boyfriend who is also 19. I am really happy with him, but lately there has been a thing that is starting to bug me. I recentlty got my black belt in hapkido and I’m very proud over that. Since then my boyfriend has been more or less challenging me to “show what I can do” or he says he won’t believe that martial arts would work for “a little girl” like me against a guy. My mother is from India, and like her I’m rather short (5’4’’), but he is no giant (like 5’10’’) either and even though I don’t look like it, I’m actually pretty strong, from all my training. I know there are a lot of things I could do to defeat a bigger opponent like him and I really want to prove it to him. But at the same time I don’t want to risk hurting him or embarrass him, cause I love him… What should I do?
The Answer
I'm behind Witty 100% on this one. The boy needs to learn this is not a laughing matter.
Don't make the mistake of trying to coddle your boyfriend and live in fear of offending his masculinity or pride. Seriously, do not put yourself in that position. It's a relationship killer, and you will end up constantly putting yourself down and compromise yourself to 'protect' your boyfriend from harsh realities.
Lots of women choose that path, and it's one of misery.
He's a big boy. He can take it. He can put his money where his mouth it, just like you can. Expect him to. If he says he wants to try and fight you, then go ahead and let him try.
Loving someone so much that you compromise yourself, lie to them or allow yourself to be belittled and misunderstood to protect them, isn't a healthy love, or one that will lead to long term happiness.
Do yourself, your boyfriend and your relationship a favor, and bruise him up a bit.
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The Question
Ok so before I begin I know what they say...you made your bed now lay in it.
i met my boyfriend(?) 6 months ago and then like a few months after i started to give him my car so he could use it while i was @ work .. i know it was a bad idea but i liked the idea of seeing him. last night i got the worst phone call of my life. He had crashed my car, however nothing had happened to him. My parents didn't even know I had a boyfriend let alone he was using their car (registered under my dad) and along with that he was operating a vehicle with a suspended license. he has been caught 3 times operating a vehicle with a suspended license & has not been arrested.
so now the car is trashed & my parents are going crazy on me. they made me quit both of my jobs and they're only allowing me to go to school. i turn 18 next week and im wondering what i can do to get out of this situation.
they're forcing me not to talk/see him. and the only reason i didn't tell them about him was because they wouldn't have approved bc of religious views.
i could move in with him but he has no, i have no job we aren't going to get anywhere. plus if he ever fails to do what he promises to do i can't return to my parents bc they won't accept me
The Answer
In all honesty and seriousness, dump the boyfriend.
He's a user and an idiot. This is not a relationship worth being in by a long shot. It is certainly not a relationship worth sacrificing your safety and comfort at home over.
Now, if he wasn't a user and an idiot, my advice would be quite different, but since he is, dumping him is a very simple and quick way to earn some of your parents trust and respect back.
You made a really bad decision, well a few of them: You let him use a car that wasn't even legally yours, when you knew he was driving it illegally, and then he got it trashed... You really need to show you parents that you are capable of better judgment then that. Dumping the dumbass would be a good show of intelligence, and you don’t need to dump him ‘cause they said so. Remind them that you are 18, and that you are making the choice to remove him from your life because you’ve now realized that he is a negative and destructive force.
It’s too bad they have religious prejudices, but that really isn’t the issue here. Even if he was the same religion as you, he would still be a user and an idiot, and being in a relationship with him would still be a poor judgment call.
So, correct that error in judgment, and then return to negotiations with your parents. Although they might not be prefect people, I’m sure they will be relieved and much more lenient if you admit your mistake, take some steps to correct it and simply apologize for your bad choices. Don’t worry about why they think you were wrong; just admit what you think you were wrong about. Never apologize for what someone else thinks you did wrong, but always apologize when you know you were in error. Even if you disagree on the details and reasoning, it’s a damn good place to start.
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The Question
There's this girl that I've been trying to get to sleep with me for sometime now and I know she wants to, she jsut doesn't want to cheat on her boyfriend. That's what she says anyways. Well she's been talking about wanting to go to a Taylor Swift concert really bad but can't get tickets. I'm pretty sure I can get her some only her boyfriend would be there. She's so hott and I know she wants it too. I know these tickets will help my cause but I know she'll still say some bullshit about her boyfriend. Should I still get her the tickets?
The Answer
No.
Dude, she's said NO. Even if she really would like too, she said NO. Haven't you heard rapists try to use that exact same logic? "But, but I KNEW she really wanted too! Even though she said no!" That should give you a clue that way of thinking about this is seriously screwed up.
Stop trying to read her mind. You can't. She deserves at least enough of your respect for you to take her seriously when she speaks. Anything less then that makes you an asshole.
You want sex that badly, there are plenty of girls who will give it up. Don't keep harping on one who is in a relationship and told you no. That is just a real scummy thing to do.
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The Question
this is kind of an awkward question but this guy who i kind of like told me he was 5.5 closer to 6 inches , and hes a freshman i mean is that small? i told one of my friends that and she said her ex boyfriend was 10 so now im just wondering is 6 average? or..i mean i dont really care, just out of curiosity
The Answer
5.5 to 6 is average.
10 is large, and frankly, probably an exaggeration, if not a total lie.
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The Question
dog spitting up blood
The Answer
Call a vet. Immediately.
Right now. CALL A VET OR TAKE YOUR DOG TO A VET.
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The Question
okay so i told this kid i wanted to get to know him and he was all ya i agree, and he came over n we chilled and kissed and stuff and the other day he was like what do yu wanna do and i was like idc blah and then hes like ne suggestions and then some other stuff then he was like well sex would be nice but like a movie or something and i got pissed and he ws all im jk even tho it rlly didnt sound it and he always asks if my parents r gunna be home, so i already kinda figured that he also said he wasn't sure if he was ready for a relationship right now when i was like all u want is sex..and today he texted me and was like idk why you got so mad i was just kidding and asked if we would ever chill again and i was like as o now no bye am i overreacting or am i being logical
The Answer
You are overreacting, but it's also your right to associate with whoever you want too.
Don't call him a jerk, or assume he's a dog. Just don't hang out with him if that is what you think. Don't be a bitch or insult him, just don't hang out with him.
He doesn't need to be a jerk, or an evil person, for you to just not be all that interested in him.
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The Question
15 / F
I always get the perfect amount of sleep per night. Well, it varies from eight to ten hours. I take a melatonin pill at night to help me fall, and stay asleep.
The problem is, I NEVER wake up refreshed! I'm always dragging myself out of bed.
I've recovered from hypothyroidism which makes you really sleepy, but I'm taking Levothyroxine for that.
So, why can't I get out of bed in the morning?
Or else, how can I get a more satisfying nights sleep?
It is quality, not quantity that counts, right?
The Answer
Go back to your doctor and talk about the medication you are taking. You might be taking too large a dose of melatonin if you are waking up still feeling drugged.
Seriously, just go talk to your doctor. You have too many medical issues and medications for us to be able to help you. Go back to your doctor and take up your concerns with them.
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The Question
hey
i asked this question before but something else happened.. ill just explain everything again. i work at mcdonalds and i like my manager.. i am 16 and a half and he just turned 20.. he makes fun of me as a joke because im really clumsy and trip over alot, and he tells people i laugh alot and get embarrased easily. we were messaging each other a couple of weeks ago and he asked me what qualities i liked in a guy and i told him, and then he replied saying "It sounds like youre trying to drop a hint..I can get fired for fraternising with crew" and i replied saying "Ha dont flatter yourself :)" and then he replied saying "I never do, but is it just coincidence that i loosely fit what you just described?" and i said: "I guess it is a coincidence because i dont know much about you" then he said "Well i say that rules are there to be broken, you just cant get caught" and i said "Yeah true"
anyway at work he acted the same as before but he always put me on the position i liked to do most and he kept looking at me and staring. then i texted him on new years saying "best wishes for 2009" but he didnt reply, and he didnt reply to the message i sent asking him how long he will be staying as manager for.
then i didnt talk to him for a week and last sunday he was acting pretty cold towards me and i didnt know why. he just didnt talk to me. then the next day he got told that he has to move to another store (they said he doesnt get along with the store manager and assistant store manager and because he cant handle when it gets busy). and from then on he just hasnt talked to me and when i ask something he replies in just Yes or No.
today at work he was a bit kinder. and so i messaged him about 2 or 3 hours ago saying "If youre over hating me, come to a party with me tomorrow night :)"
and he hasnt replied.
whats his deal?
thanks
The Answer
He likes you, but you aren't worth the trouble.
I'm not a mind reader, it might not be that, but frankly, that is a pretty simple situation to read.
He's a attracted to you, but between the rules at work, the drama at work and the age difference, he's probably decided going after you is not worth the stress and confusion it would cause. So he's cut you out.
Stop texting him. In a few weeks drop by his new location with a friend and chat him up for a minute. If he is still cold then, forget about him. He's made up his mind.
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The Question
For starters, I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 20. I was just wondering who you guys would agree with. We were at his friend's place one day and were well..wanting each other. He wanted to ask his friend if we could use his bedroom. But I didn't want him to know so I said we should just go to the bathroom and not tell his friend. His friend was playing video games so he wouldn't have noticed if we were gone for a little. So which do you guys think is better? Tell him and use his bedroom or not tell him and just do it in the bathroom?
The Answer
It really does depend on the kind of relationship you have with this friend. If it's a really close friendship where you spend a lot of time at his house, then maybe it would have been okay to ask him if you guys could cuddle up in the bedroom.
However, I don't think getting a little action is worth breaking up a friendship over, and it's very possible that is what could happen if you got caught trying to sneak some. And don't kid yourselves, you'd get caught. If not this time, the next time you wanted to do it!
If you can be honest enough with a friend to ask for the privacy to fuck in thier home, great! If you aren't comfortable enough to ask, you probably aren't close enough with them to take the risk of getting caught.
Also, frankly, sex in bathrooms is always a bit odd I think...
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The Question
Two and a half years ago I met a guy who became my best friend, or so i thought. We ended up liking eachother and went out for 2 years. He was always sad before we went out and i always felt bad and tried everything to help him. He would lie to me about everything and make up situations he was in. After 6 months he payed no attention to me and i cheated on him ever since he has been making me feel horrible. He would emotionaly abuse me then he started to hit me a lot. I was in an abusive relationship but he only started to be mean to me when his dad wentto jails and he went through a lot. I was there for him through everything but he was never there for me. Everyone told me he loves me so much but he would try making me jealous i was in a very unhealthy relationship. he watched his brother hit me annd did nothing the neighbors called the cops i havnt talked to him since i have a restraining order on him then he got one on me. His family didnt care that they hit me,they are trying to press charges on me they made up a story that i hit his mom when i ever did. After all that i have dreams about him every night I miss him so much and wish we could work everything out even though we never worked anything out. I wish he would change and get away from his horrible family I wish we could be together without the abuse and his family. We have been going to court a lot against eachother im only 18 and he was my first and only love i miss him and dont knopw what to do im still pressing charges because they need to learn they cant get away with everything but i want him to change
The Answer
It's okay to still love him.
It's wrong, desperately wrong and self-destructive to think he is going to change. If he does, great! For him. As far as you and him are considered, you need to let that go, completely and forever.
This is still a very complex situation. For the time being, keep on NOT talking to these people. They are nuts, your ex included, and that will probably never go away.
You are better off without them. Cry it out. Feel whatever you want to feel, but do NOT go back to him.
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The Question
Okay so basically I was with a guy for a good few months, we broke up in December because of some really crap reason (I didn't visit him when I said I would as I was in hospital, but no one told him?).
Anyways when I tried to sort things out I knew something wasn't right when he didn't tell me he loved me like usual over the phone.. I go to his place but he doesn't answer (then proceeds to tell me that i DIDN'T go to his place at all). The next day I find out he has gotten back with his ex who he broke up with a couple of months before we got together.. apparently she cheated on him and he doesn't give second chances but yet they are back together? I am so confused, I know he is bad for me yet I still have feelings for him?
His current girlfriend has been on msn messenger to me ragging on me telling me im weird etc etc because I ended up in hospital and how could my ex love me as we werent together that long etc.. we were together longer than she and he were.
I don't really know what to do, should I keep fighting to get him back as i really thought we were perfect for each other? Or should I move on...
Thanks for all your help :)
The Answer
Move on.
He's a selfish little child, and she's just a nut bar. They are a match made in the deepest pits of hell. Don't speak to either of them. Just leave them to rip eachother apart like the wild dogs they are.
It wasn't that long. In a little while, you'll feel better and the feelings will fade.
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