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Freedom? Parents won't allow it.
My boyfriend and I really want to see eachother more because we go to different schools, but my parents are being really annoying about it. They know I have a boyfriend because they have hinted that they know, and I think that it only made it worse. Normally, I'm not allowed to be at a guy's house or a guy at my house. But now, it seems like they are making a big deal about us even trying to hang out alone at a public place. I think that they think that we will sneak off and go to his house. And obviously I get that they are afraid of pregnancy or me getting hurt, but it just seems like I'm getting a little old for this. I'm 16. Lately I've been pretending to hang out with groups of friends but I actually don't hang out with them, I just sneak off. My parents are getting smart about it though because now they want to see who I am with. And my friends are never available and they are bad at making plans, so it's just getting increasingly frustrating. My parents can not be convinced against their beliefs. So what can I do?
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Hmm.
Meet their fears with maturity.
You want to sit them down and talk to them. I'll give you a speech, use it word for word or just take ideas of what to say from it, whatever you like.
"Mom, Dad, I wanted to talk to you guys about dating. I'm 16, and I am interested in guys. I know you worry about this, because you're afraid of bad things happening to me. But you need to help me learn how to do this while I live with you, because at some point I will not be living with you anymore, and when that time comes I think its a really bad idea for me to be completely inexperienced in relationships and guys. I know you guys are scared that I could make mistakes, I am too. Thats why I think this is so important, because right now I have you to come to to help me not make any. That won't always be the case, and if you don't let me have a little freedom now, what am I going to do when I don't live here anymore, have tons of freedom, and no experience in how to be responsible with that freedom?
I know you're worried about me, but I want to know what all you're worried about. I want to talk to you about it, so that when I go out with friends or with a boyfriend I know what to look for, how to be careful, and how to make adult decisions in adult situations. Isn't that what being a kid with parents is about? Learning to handle adult situations a little bit at a time so I don't get overwhelmed?"
And then let them talk. Talk to them about their fears, about your fears, about your hopes.
Also, talk to them about actually having relationships. Focus on that. Tell them that you know actually dating a guy, figuring out who you're compatible with and who you aren't, what you want in a guy, etc, is complicated. That you want to be able to go out on dates and then talk to them about things that concern you, or things you just don't know about because you're still 16. Tell them you welcome them being involved when you need them, but you and them only have a few more years before you're on your own where dating is concerned, and you want to use the time you have to learn things that are important.
Even if you ignore all their advice and do what you want to do when on dates, give them the opportunity to give it. Show them maturity, and they'll loosen up. I've known a number of girls in your situation who had great success with talks like this. Approach it from a "well I need to learn things and learning them when I can still call you for pickup when a date goes bad, or ask for advice when I don't know what to do or what something means will be a great help and will help make sure I'm safe AFTER I leave your house, not just while I live here"
Good luck =)
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You're parents trust is something that should be very important to you. Also, if you respect them - they will respect you. Sit down and have 'the talk' with them. Start out by saying something like this...
"Mom, Dad; I love you both very much and you both mean very much to me which is why I want to let you in on whats going on in my life. There is this boy I have been seeing for a while. He is very intelligent and seems to care about me a lot. I want to be able to spend time with him but I want to make sure I have your permission and that you will be able to trust me as I would never do anything to hurt you guys or make you upset in anyway."
Then you can go on from there. Your parents will see how mature you are by talking to them about it and the fact that you want them to trust you should mean a lot to them. As long as you assure them nothing bad will happen - I think they should be alright with it. I hope everything goes well. Good Luck!
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hey my name is tamera, i think you should try talking to them.
just be like look, you know i have a boyfriend and usualy you wouldnt mind that i hang out with guys. you should trust me im your daughter and you realy dont have a reason to not trust me. i realy like him and its hard because i almost never get to see him. im 16 and i know its hard for you to give me a little bit of freedom but you have to learn how to trust me.
- thats what i would say. or something like that. :)
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Stop the deception and the half-truths.
It's quite possible that your parents 'hinting' and now their increased protectiveness is a response to the fact you haven't been upfront with them. They don’t like being lied too, no one does.
To them, it probably looks like you are hiding something. That would worry any parent. They assume you are doing something wrong, because you are lying to them about it.
Sure, you have a right to having a boyfriend, but your parents can fairly expect you to be honest with them about where you and what you doing when you are a minor living in their home.
So start the frank, mature discussion you need to have. You are right that you are a little old for this, but the way you show that, is by having an honest discussion, not by avoiding the uncomfortable topic and then going out and doing whatever you want and lying about it. Going out in doing whatever the hell you want to do is what teens do when they DO get in trouble, not when they are just going about their lives.
So TALK to your parents. You might be right. They might turn out to be totally irrational and strict about you having a boyfriend, or they might be relieved and comforted by your honesty and willing to discuss rules and boundaries that you all can live with (such as: no lying and we’d like too met him, both of which would be totally fair requests!)
If you don’t want to be treated like a lying, misbehaving and untrustworthy teenager who might get herself into trouble, don’t act like one, be honest with your parents. They don't need every detail of your life, but the big ones are still thier bussiness.
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