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Parents vs. Him
Ok so before I begin I know what they say...you made your bed now lay in it.
i met my boyfriend(?) 6 months ago and then like a few months after i started to give him my car so he could use it while i was @ work .. i know it was a bad idea but i liked the idea of seeing him. last night i got the worst phone call of my life. He had crashed my car, however nothing had happened to him. My parents didn't even know I had a boyfriend let alone he was using their car (registered under my dad) and along with that he was operating a vehicle with a suspended license. he has been caught 3 times operating a vehicle with a suspended license & has not been arrested.
so now the car is trashed & my parents are going crazy on me. they made me quit both of my jobs and they're only allowing me to go to school. i turn 18 next week and im wondering what i can do to get out of this situation.
they're forcing me not to talk/see him. and the only reason i didn't tell them about him was because they wouldn't have approved bc of religious views.
i could move in with him but he has no, i have no job we aren't going to get anywhere. plus if he ever fails to do what he promises to do i can't return to my parents bc they won't accept me
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
No matter what, your family comes first. You're parents don't approve of him and they have a perfect legitimate reason not to. Their intentions for you are only good, so don't ever think your parents are 'out to get you'. Think of it this way:
Your boyfriend knew he had a suspended lisence and has been caught 3 times, yet it didn't bother him to do it again and get you in trouble. In this situation he should have been thinking of you and he wasn't.
Also, if you move in with him when you turn 18 - I highly doubt you will get your parents approval, and it is not easy living on your own especially without any support.
Honestly, it may not be the advice you want to hear but you should move on from this trouble maker because you deserve better. Focus on graduating and earning your parents trust back. They are the most important people in your life and trust me, they will forgive you and they will always love you.
Good Luck!
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I think I'm going to disagree with Rahzie for once, because you haven't said anything that proves that he's a user.
Sadly, I myself have a suspended liscense, and occasionally drive my girlfriends car when its neccessary. We're in a 4 year relationship, and can't afford to get me out of hock currently, as we spent the last of our savings on her classes and books this semester.
So, I can understand the predicament you found yourself in.
I agree that this was a bad judgement call. I only drive the car when there is no other choice, and it sounds more like you were just letting him use your car for the shit of it, not because he had transportation needs that couldn't be met any other way. Thats BOTH of your bad judgment calls.
First, do not burn your bridges. Yes, you DID screw this up royally. And no, this boyfriend is not worth destroying your relationship with your parents. Family first, and he isn't family.
Second, you need to apologize to your parents if you haven't already. Throw yourself on their mercy and tell them you know you fucked up royally and were irresponsible.
Third, you do need to evaluate the relationship from an objective standpoint. You haven't given us enough information about the boy, but this is a pretty big fuck up on his part. God only knows how he managed to wreck your car. Perhaps Rahzie is right, perhaps not, but if nothing else the boy should be on severe probation as far as you're concerned. Regardless of YOUR decisions, he also was irresponsible, and he cost your family money.
You've both been stupid. Don't fight your parents, you need to fix what happened as best you can. Tell your boyfriend that you need to cool it for a while while you fix things with your parents. Talk to them, let them tell you how stupid what you did was (it was) and go from there.
This isn't going to blow over overnight. Be patient with them, because its going to take them a while to have trust and patience with you again.
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In all honesty and seriousness, dump the boyfriend.
He's a user and an idiot. This is not a relationship worth being in by a long shot. It is certainly not a relationship worth sacrificing your safety and comfort at home over.
Now, if he wasn't a user and an idiot, my advice would be quite different, but since he is, dumping him is a very simple and quick way to earn some of your parents trust and respect back.
You made a really bad decision, well a few of them: You let him use a car that wasn't even legally yours, when you knew he was driving it illegally, and then he got it trashed... You really need to show you parents that you are capable of better judgment then that. Dumping the dumbass would be a good show of intelligence, and you don’t need to dump him ‘cause they said so. Remind them that you are 18, and that you are making the choice to remove him from your life because you’ve now realized that he is a negative and destructive force.
It’s too bad they have religious prejudices, but that really isn’t the issue here. Even if he was the same religion as you, he would still be a user and an idiot, and being in a relationship with him would still be a poor judgment call.
So, correct that error in judgment, and then return to negotiations with your parents. Although they might not be prefect people, I’m sure they will be relieved and much more lenient if you admit your mistake, take some steps to correct it and simply apologize for your bad choices. Don’t worry about why they think you were wrong; just admit what you think you were wrong about. Never apologize for what someone else thinks you did wrong, but always apologize when you know you were in error. Even if you disagree on the details and reasoning, it’s a damn good place to start.
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