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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Basically, my boyfriend of two years invites me to lots of different events. We live 40 minutes drive apart and on the most part I go to events/occasions, like a birthday meal on his side or a wedding for someone only he knows.
But whenever I don't want to go to one of these events-for example a wedding-he kicks off and gets upset. He hates it if I refuse to go and says he'll break up with me. Am I in the wrong? Surely I have the right to say no to things I don't want to go to? Its not like I refuse EVERYTHING only one or two things. And we've been together for two years but he makes it sound like I'm expected to be there-and asks the host to invite me and him-and THEN says the host was looking forward to seeing me.
I feel like I don't have a choice...
The Answer
It might be better to ask your partner why he is behaving this way and why he has this expectation.
For some couples, it's entirely normal for them to go to all social events together. Other couples are comfortable and happy to go to some alone, depending on the preferences of the individuals.
Neither situation is wrong, but it is a problem when one partner expects that the other will always accompany them, and the other doesn't think that's a reasonable expectation.
His behaviour when you refuse to attend is unreasonable, but before you can address how not okay it is to throw temper tantrums and threaten to break up every time he doesn't get his way, you might try to ask him why he thinks it's necessary for you to attend every outing with? Is this what his parents do? Is that what his friend's expect? Is he nervous or uncomfortable to hang out with people without you? Can he respect that you might have different social needs and desires than he does?
If he can't even talk about his expectations reasonably, then you know you ought to end it. It's always tough when two people have different ideas of what a relationship should look like, but if he can't even talk calmly about his ideas, then he's not a person that is ready for a life partner.
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The Question
This is what I believe in:
-reincarnation
-spells
-gods and goddesses
-worshipping those and being one with nature
-that everything has a spirit
-communicating with the gods and goddesses
-meditation (candles and incense)
I know you all are gonna say Wicca, but I want a religion that when I tell someone what mine is, they'd be like "wtf???"
I'm American; part Irish, Swedish, German, etc if that helps.
The Answer
Believing what you believe, means people are gonna be like "WTF".
Sorry hun, but once you throw spells, reincarnation, polytheism and animism or monism in there, you have a belief system that is pretty uncommon in North America. Whatever you call it, it's going to raise eyebrows, because it's not frequently come across.
Wiccan or some other pagan tradition are likely going to be the best fits for you given what you say about your beliefs. So, you'll need to make peace with the fact some people wont react well to those terms. Either make peace, or lie about what you believe.
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The Question
Hi I work at a car repair shop. Sometimes customers refuse to get work done on their car even if it is a severe safety hazard. I like to type on the invoice that the customer has been made aware of such and such and declined repairs and that the company is not responsible for anything that happens to the vehicle in result of what was found wrong with it once it leaves the shop. I tried finding legal pages online to see how to exactly word it but I was getting annoyed trying to search the web. Could anyone help me with how to word this and what wording to use (correct and legal) that shows my company is not liable for anything that happens once that car leaves my shop. Thanks
The Answer
If you really want to know if/what you are liable for, you have to talk to a lawyer.
If you wont do that, your best bet may be to speak to other mechanics or owners about who they address this sort of issue with their clients. I highly doubt you are going to be able to find the expertise you need here. For some questions, the internet just doesn't cut it and you really need a real-world expert.
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The Question
Hi, Im over 18 I don't want to say how old but ill say I'm over 18 not by much though. But anyways. I saw a couple pictures of girls that were under 18 like between 13-17 that were sexy pictures like of their butts in really short shorts or bikinis or underwear or like highschool cheerleaders up skirt pictures and I kind of grew a liking to looking at them. I'm just wondering before I get myself in trouble..if I were to save any of these pictures to my phone or computer, could I get in trouble? Girls under 18 but none of the pictures are naked or showing any private parts. underwear and bra are the least clothing no nudes. Could I get in trouble if caught with these?
The Answer
These images are likely not illegal. If they show nothing more than underwear, without any sexual touching or masturbating or anything like that, then they are not pornographic under the law.
But let's be honest here - you are using them as it they were porn. You are getting off to them. So, even tho this isn't criminal, you are sexualizing images of underage girls, which isn't ever gonna be an okay thing.
What's worse, these are likely images that these women did not think would be shared for the sexual gratification of others. Some of the images might even have been taken without their knowledge, or while they were being forced. Some of the images were likely shared despite the young woman's wish they be kept private. That's a terrible, abusive invasion of a person's privacy. You really shouldn't feel okay about other people abusing young women in that way to create these images. Possessing these photos isn't gonna get you thrown in jail, but it's also not moral to actively seek out sexual images of minors, especially any images you have to reasonably suspect were taken and/or shared without their permission.
Your are enjoying the fruits of criminal activity, invasion of privacy, and the victimization of teenagers. That really fucking sucks.
I don't have a problem with porn, but the images you are describing are more likely than not to be unethically created, and I do have a problem with people choosing porn that they know was created via abuse or deceit.
And again, although you probably couldn't be thrown in jail, you can bet anyone who finds photos of underage women in their panties on your phone or computer is gonna know exactly what you were up to. And even if they are generally fine with porn - as I am - they will almost definitely be freaked out that you are seeking out sexual images of girls who have only barely hit puberty.
Porn, in general, is a healthy thing, but the porn you are specifically seeking out, is an unhealthy habit that and you are ignoring the serious ethical issues with the media you are choosing to consume. You should really look for healthier ways to engage with porn and fantasy. Trolling for invasive, abusive or stolen images of minors is not okay.
There are plenty of porn productions that specialize in serving up women who appear very young. It's really not that difficult to seek out ethically produced porn, featuring consenting adults. You just have to care enough to not be an immoral fuck.
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The Question
23/F
Hello, I want to start by saying that I grew up in a house hold that everything got discussed and everything had a solution. Two parents that loved each other and did everything together. Even after 25+ years of marriage they would still grab the car and go places almost every Sunday. Unfortunately it all came to an end when she passed away recently.
But that's not why I'm here. I have been in a relationship for almost 3 years with a guy I've known for over 8 years. Started dating after talking for a good 6-7 months. Everything was great. We could talk for hours, hangout all day, we both love to dance even though I'm more of a dancer than he is. I could literally see him everyday and at the end of the day when he went home I already missed him.
Lately, a couple things have been happening. From me finding out that he has hungout with other girls with telling me to constant arguments about petty things. I hate arguing I think its such waste of time and energy.
Hes always going out of state with his boys for the weekend but the moment I decide to go out with a girl friend or even my older sister its suddenly an issue. And I honestly stopped going out because I didn't want to make him upset. Up until recently. I started going out again and I'm not much of a drinker so I am always conscious of what I'm doing and who I'm around. I go, have a couple drinks, see people I haven't seen in a while and that's it I come home. I feel like he thinks I go out and dance on all these guys and get sloppy drunk and flirt. But I don't.
I started to notice little things that in the past wouldn't have annoyed me but now I do. He always needs someone asking if he needs help 50 times before he finally accepts. Or if he's upset at me I have to ask 3 days in a row before I get an answer. Or the way he ignores me when hes around his boys for hours. I think its safe to say my feelings aren't what they used to be.
Thing is mom has gotten sick and even though I want to call things off and venture out I feel like I cant because of that. I love his mom and I think me leaving him it would probably drive him insane. I feel like this is such a sick relationship and I want to get out but idk if I should stay for the time being. Please help
The Answer
Get out.
You shouldn't stay for the time being. Once you know that you truly want out, you wont be able to stay.
End the relationship, and then, when the dust had settled a bit you can decide if you think it's a good idea to reach out to his mom, and offer her any of your support or love in a letter or a message.
But you can't stay with him to try and save him or protect him. Once the feelings are gone, you can't fake them, not for very long at all. You know what the score is, you have to tell him.
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The Question
19/F
I'm a feminist. That much should be known before I say anything else. I've become a major tomboy/rebel just to bring my perspectives out more clearer. My father and I clash quite often because the way he was raised made him out to be the type of men I simply hate; misogynistic, macho-like, egotistic, and always wanting to be the center of attention. He has major anger issues, I have heard him cuss me out repeatedly (then when I cuss he gets extremely angry and tries to reprimind me), he never listens to me and when anybody tries to talk over him - or prove he is wrong about something - he acts violently and tries to make them shut up. He treats mom pretty bad, only doing nice things for her to get attention, praises, and make the appearance of a good marriage. My younger brother follows in his footsteps and is turning out to be just like him. I come to the point where I can't touch or look at either - especially dad - and I can't even be near him. Am I wrong to feel like this? Lately I've been having a lot of dark feelings towards a lot of people I don't like, even getting irritated by loud things (music I don't like being too loud, people yelling right next to me, etc) so... should I re-evaluate myself, or is there some form of sanity within my way of acting (fondly called "attitude" by my parents)?
The Answer
This sounds more like you are fed up with your family, then with all men.
You are 19. You should be unhappy at home. It's part of why you should be making a plan to get out of there.
Your feelings are extreme, and you should try to be civil and at peace as much as possible - for your own sanity. You are right to be unhappy. You also probably do have a bad attitude. Both of those things can be true.
The important part now is plan a way out of your negative and abusive environment. You are old enough to put a plan together. Put your energy into that rather than hating on them.
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The Question
I rarely have intercourse but I feel like every time I do the outside of my vagina tears. At first it's painful because it's like a little cut but then as it heals it gets itchy which I know is normal for healing. I have been using neosporin which helps it heal faster so the itching goes away faster. I guess I am looking for advice on how to avoid the tearing or how to better deal with it so it isn't so uncomfortable.
The Answer
You should ask a doctor about this.
You should also use more lubricant when you are having sex.
I've had this happen a few times in my life - usually it means not enough lubricant. If it were happening all the time, I'd go see a doctor.
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The Question
Is this more than touchy-feely? I was stood with a coworker looking at the sandwich counter. She was stood with her body on mine- her boobs were pressed against me. So was so against me she had to know how close she was basically. Her face was so close to mine while she asked what I was having and we were stood like that for a while. If I turned my head I could have kissed her- that's how close she was. She does this every time we queue or look at something. However this time when we looked for somewhere to sit she says 'where can we sit to look at fit guys' (she's knows I'm a lesbian). We sit but she never mentions guys or breaks her attention from me. Just want to add she never looks for male attention when she is pressed up against me (you know the flirting for the guys thing).
As we walk back, she says that if she sees a fit guy she can't give eye contact as she is scared to give something away.
So I get confused as she gets super touchy with me, like I mention above, also she will touch my hand or grab my arm with both hands when she talks to me. She also gives me so much eye contact. She has started asking me to lunch more often recently too- this is usually just the 2 of us. We do have a really big age gap which she brings up so often and says stuff like "I'm old enough to be your mum" or "I can't believe there are this many years between us" which i find odd that she would keep saying this.
I liked her as a friend for sometime- it was when she told me one time that she didn't know if she liked men or women. She only ever said this once to me and it wasn't brought up again. Although a couple of weeks ago she pointed out a women to me and said that she was hot and she Said she knew that was ok to say to me (im guessing she meant hot in a sexually attractive way as she added the bit about it being ok to say to me). I don't know why but thinking she was straight put me off liking her and since then (months ago) I've built up feelings for her to the point I don't know if she flirts or if I'm hoping she is.
I don't see this behaviour with other people.
So I'm wondering if this is what is meant by a touchy feely person or is there more to it?? I can't decide if she is just affectionate with me or if it's more. Sometimes I wonder if she is horrified about liking another woman and says the guy stuff to play it cool or if she is just straight and she likes me as a friend and I have been misinterpretating.
The Answer
She's being a jerk.
She might in unsure of her own sexuality, and trying to explore it a bit with you. That is possible, but honestly, you'll be best off if you recognize that even that is unkind. You are not her lesbian play thing. You are a real human being and she's jerking you around.
You know she isn't just being affectionate, because she isn't being affectionate like this with anyone else. The trouble is that something 'more' doesn't mean it's the kind of something 'more' that you might wish it to be. Because she hasn't done the decent, kind thing and talked to you about her feelings.
Straight up ask her what is going on. What she is doing - the heavy touching, flirting and dropping hints - is not nice. She's playing with you and it's hurtful and selfish. Tell her that if she wants to question or explore her sexuality, that's great, but she shouldn't do that by deliberately confusing and playing around with other people. It's not nice. It leads to misunderstanding and hurt feelings.
Honestly, leave any thought you have of anything like a relationship with her on the back-burner until she gets her shit together. Right now she doesn't know what she wants. Stop allowing her confusion to be an excuse to treat you like a prop, or a secondary character in her coming out story. You are better than that.
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The Question
We're all 16. Me and my bestfriend are both guys. At first, I hated this girl, since she was stealing my bestfriend, but we're cool now. Whenever she gets angry at my bestfriend she goes to me and asks for comfort, and as a friend, I give that to her. The weird thing is, after every time I comfort her, she says "I love you" Then smiles. Is it weird? I think it's just because I'm her bestfriend? PLEASE HELP MEEE
The Answer
If it's making you uncomfortable, ask her to stop.
It could be totally normal and harmless, but it's okay to trust your gut. If you don't like it, tell her kindly that although you are very dear friends and care for her, you are uncomfortable with the love word in your friendship. (Especially if she's only pulling it out when she's upset with her boyfriend.)
It's okay to stand up for the kind of boundaries you want in your own relationship.
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The Question
One day, my whole school was visited by this sect, I live in the Philippines, btw... So anyway, they showed us films that was supposed to enlighten us. It started out fine, until the afternoon part. I'm study psychology, so I knew more than to just watch. I analyzed what they showed us.
1.)A video about a two friends, one being christian, the other, not.
a.) At the beggining there was a small note saying it was a work of fiction. But then after the video, the speaker told us that it wasn't fake. And he gave us locations and stuff where it happened.
b.) It depicted so much fear it didn't seem Christian
2.)A video about a korean painter getting a fieldtrip with God to a place called Hell.
a.) The speaker told us that if we sinned, we wouldn't get to heaven. and stopped there.
b.) They included sins like "masturbation" and told us that masturbation is wrong. If we wanted to shoot sperm, we should do a wetdream instead. (But isn't the sin lust, and not masturbation? Isn't lust a sin of thought? Aren't dreams made up of thoughts?)
After that traumatic event (srsly, the scenes were graphic and would take your spirit away) My classmates went straight to their sect and signed up. I was devastated, but I dont think it's right...
I mean, they only want to worship God, you can't hate them, right?
The Answer
You shouldn't hate people, and you shouldn't make generalizations like "I hate all people from that sect, or that school, or that country, or that race."
However, you can decide that you don't think people should be doing something. Even if you think that worshipping God is a good thing, it's perfectly right to not want people bullied, attacked or manipulated into it.
You are intelligent and aware to look at the techniques of fear and lies that these people used to get people to sign up. That was wrong of them. The ends don't justify the means. That saying means that just because you are trying to achieve a good thing, doesn't mean it's okay to lie or hurt people, or do other bad things to make the good thing happen. It's always wrong to lie and manipulate others, even if you tell yourself it's for their own good, it's still wrong.
Just because they want people to worship God, doesn't mean they weren't behaving badly. What they wanted may have been good, but what they did was wrong.
It's okay to a take a look at this sect, and their behaviour, and think it's not friendly, respectful or truthful. It's okay to dislike what they are doing, and think they are very, very wrong.
It's never okay to hate people, even when they are behaving badly.
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The Question
ok so i guess the title is pretty self explanatory, however i'll give some background; I'm 17 f and my boyfriend and i are thinking of having sex, i thought it would probably be a good idea to go on the pill for obvious reasons. however i have always had trouble with my weight and the way i see my self. i know its mainly down to personal insecurity and my boyfriend says I'm beautiful no matter what i look like. but I'm still worried for my own vanity that i will notice a physical difference in my appearance. i want to find an effective method of birth control but i also want to feel secure about my body.
The Answer
The answer is yes and no.
Yes, a small minority of women do experience weight gain when they take oral contraceptives. Some studies put it as low as 10%, with even the vast majority of those women not experiencing more than 5-7 lbs of weight gain.
So it's not entirely untrue, but it's uncommon, and not significant. The idea that is always happens, and it a big deal, is a myth. Most women wont experience it, and of those who do, some wont even notice.
Here's the thing tho, a much larger number of women FEEL they have gained weight when they really haven't, because they have heard this myth and associate any bad feelings they have about their weight with the pill.
Pick a birth control that works for you. Talk to your doctor about it. Don't let yourself dwell and fuss about your weight. That probably has nothing to do with the birth control, and everything to do with your state of mind.
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The Question
My boyfriend has had trust issues with me. He believes I violated him multiple times with the same issue, which I have, in a way, with another guy. You see, I'm in a little local band within my community and one of the members and I were close friends. I went through some problems with the "boyfriend" I have now and the other guy was just trying to be a good friend to get me through it. He eventually started to develop feelings for me. I told him I didn't like him like that or would ever see myself with him. At first he was upset. (He wasn't too fond of my boyfriend, though we're all in the same group together) But he eventually got over it and told me he'll be there when he needs me. My boyfriend was furious that I even let the other guy into my life to try to turn my mind away from him. We had lots of issues, my boyfriend and I, and he was being really neglectful. He left the state for months to get away from me at the start of our relationship, when I thought things were getting better. When he came back permanently, I welcomed him back with open arms but he told me that I had to give up talking to the other guy completely. Tell me if it makes sense that for someone who I have to see all the time, I should stop talking to him completely? For someone who's done nothing but be there for me, I had to stop talking to him. His only mistake he ever made was falling for me. And he knew it. But my boyfriends hatred for him never went away. I did speak to the other guy on occasion behind my boyfriends back, because I knew I was doing something wrong but neglecting him. My boyfriend doesn't see it that way. He threatened to leave every time he found out we've been talking. Some drama happened within the band lately and it was sparked by me unintentionally (lesson learned) and I carried some news to the other guy. My boyfriend learned of it and hates me now, says I never stopped talking. Thing is, he said he doesn't love me anymore but doesn't want me to leave him. Says I have to try to gain his love again but he doesn't expect it will happen. He curses and me, calls me names, taunts me, tells him I'm worse than dirt but he doesn't want me to leave him. My boyfriend isn't perfect, he has a LOT of faults in himself, many which have been pointed out by other people that I've seen for myself and yet I still love him. Even with him being nasty and rude to me, I still love him. I know you will say I shouldn't stand for it but I want him to love and trust me again. It will take time. Am I wrong for still having faith? He will make me suffer for it but I think I deserve it. I left the band and so did he and others for drama reasons. I don't know what to do. I hate myself so much for what I did and my bf has even supported my hatred in myself. What do I do?
The Answer
You boyfriend is controlling, jealous and emotionally abusive. He made an unfair 'rule' that ignored everything you wanted and believed about your friend and the rest of your life and friends in the band, and then he punished you when you didn't blindly obey him. Now, he's trying to manipulate you into 'proving' your love, while all the time telling you that you'll never be good enough, and that he'll never love you again.
Also, he doesn't want you to leave, because deep down what eh really wants, is the excuse to go on controlling and abusing you.
So you dump the boyfriend.
You may have made mistakes, but you don't have to be perfect to deserve a boyfriend who doesn't verbally and emotionally abuse you. Nothing you can do will EVER mean you deserve to be abused by someone else. If your boyfriend was really that unhappy with you, if he truly thought you were cheating and dishonest, he'd dump you. He probably knows you are loyal. He's probably not that unhappy, because he is getting what he really wants: An excuse to be abusive. To keep you scared, desperate and isolated.
Escape. Get away. It wont take time to heal this. Your boyfriend has made a choice and he's very unlikely to change that choice - he's even told you as much. He's chosen to abuse you. He is chosen to hate you. He's doing everything he can to make sure you accept the abuse, and hate yourself as well.
You will learn to forgive yourself, and love someone else, but you will never learn that if you keep submitting to his hate. You do need to heal, but first you need to get away from the person who is hurting you.
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The Question
Is it weird to hang out with my teacher outside of school? We're very close and go out to dinner and movies. The relationship is platonic, so is it at all illegal? I'm supposed to be my teacher's student next year, but don't know how I'm supposed to be professional when she's told me secrets about herself and the other teachers at my school. I find it irksome that she has singled me out and has decided to spend time with me and favor me over all other students in my class. Is she at fault here?
The Answer
Yes. She is at fault here.
She shouldn't be treating you as a peer, while you are still also her student. That is utterly unfair to you.
It is very odd that an adult woman chooses her student, a sixteen year old, as a friend. Your mother is right. In fact, I think she is being very respectful and wise to tell you what she thinks, but not forbid you from seeing this person socially. If you were my daughter, I'd probably stop you from seeing this woman outside of school, and I'd complain to her boss. That is the level at which what she is doing is not okay.
It's not weird to hang out with a teacher a little bit. I had dinner with a few of my teachers (with groups of students). A teacher volunteered to take me to a play in the city when my mother couldn't, But they were still my teachers, and they didn't burden me with secrets or personal stories that I wasn't ready to handle or would have made my time at school uncomfortable. They were kind, but still professional.
What your teacher has done, is absolutely wrong. It's not illegal, but it could still likely get her in professional trouble. She is expected to have healthy boundaries with her students, and she hasn't done that with you. You deserve a teacher you can feel comfortable with, can respect and can have as stress-free learning environment as possible. She's taken that away from you.
If I were you'd I'd ask the school to not place me in her class the coming year. I'd also stop being her friend. Maybe, your mom will help you out here, and let you blame your mom's rules as the reason you can't go out with her anymore.
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The Question
About 2 weeks ago I had a job interview it seemed to well. I got a tour of the place we talked about scheduling and benefits and what would work for me etc. Since the interview he has called me twice to see if I was still interested and if I was contacted by the hr department to be fingerprinted. When I told him I wasn't contacted and seemed upset that I wasn't contacted so soon after I was and I have my appointment coming up in a couple of days. He says he also wants me to meet the director of the company also. Everytime we talk he asks if I'm still interested. Everyone says I got the job already as long as I pass the background check which I know I will. But I don't want to take it for granted either. He also he told me he interview a lot of other people but I don't know if that's just to throw me off. What do you think?
The Answer
It is a good sign. It is wise not to take anything for granted. It could still fall apart for reasons that have nothing to do with you, but it does sound like they want you.
Also, frankly, it's what employers should do, especially in a case where the application process is drawn out by these many steps. It's respectful and good human resources practice. Every employer should basically act this way. Most just don't.
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The Question
Will you get pregnant if you take your pill constantly at 5 oclock everyday but then you almost forgot to take it and you took it at 10oclock as soon as possible and then had unprotected sex..is there mayb a chance of pregnancy
The Answer
Birth control isn't ever perfect, but one late dose like you describe here isn't going to have any real impact on it's efficacy.
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The Question
I'm 20/f
My mother is very controlling. She trusts me and loves me and even likes my boyfriend.
But a few weeks ago when I wanted to go to my boyfriends house for a few hours she took offence. This was because she works all the time and was angry at me making plans on a weekend. I explained it was because I wanted to see my boyfriend but she said 'what about me'-me and my bf only see each other once a week (been together for two years)
So yes I've got another trip to see my boyfriend on a weekend due-been invited to a wedding. How do I make sure she doesn't get upset again? My boyfriend has said he's sick of not seeing enough of me and its because Im keeping my mum happy. She's nasty when she's upset. She'll leave me totally out of family conversations, make me feel guilty all the time and butters up my sister. Thanks
The Answer
Your boyfriend isn't wanting to break up because of your mother.
Your boyfriend is wanting to break up because you are not making time for him, are cancelling plans, and don't appear to value the little time you can have together.
Your mother is abusive, no doubt. That's on her. But your poor treatment of your boyfriend is on you. You are choosing to let him down, and if you can't make any other choice, then you probably should break up. If you value keeping your abusive, controlling mother happy over your relationship with him, then you shouldn't be in that relationship.
I understand it's hard, and it hurts, but you need to understand your mother is not going to change. Why would she? She is getting what she wants. She gets to control you, watch you feel horrible, and soon, she'll even get you to abandon your boyfriend for her. She's getting everything she wants. So she is going to keep on doing what she is doing.
She is NEVER going to 'not be upset' about you being an adult, and making choices about your own life. She will ALWAYS punish and abuse you. How long are you going to allow it? How much are you willing to give up to try - hopelessly try - to keep her happy.
If the only way she is happy, is when she is abusing you, then she doesn't get to be happy anymore.
Seriously, you need to grow a pair and accept your mother will never, ever be kind to you. She will punish you, and give you the silent treatment, ever time you do something for yourself. You will never be happy if you live trying to keep her happy. It's time to tell her that her emotions are her own problem, and she needs to learn how to handle them without abusing her adult daughter. It's your time to handle your own feelings of guilt, without giving in to her abuse and control.
You deserve to live your own life, but that'll never happen unless you make it happen. Stop waiting for her permission to be happy. She is NEVER going to give it to you.
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The Question
16/f Canada
I've been looking for a summer job since March break (starting March 13th)and I still haven't found anything! I handed in a few applications to 3 stores with my resume and a cover letter and I haven't heard anything back. I also applied to many stores online as well. My family (especially my mom and grandfather) have been harassing me to get a job and that I need to "sell myself" and I just feel really overwhelmed because I'm only 16 and it's my first job ever and I don't know what to do. I feel like there's nothing that sets me apart from anyone else applying for a job because all I have is my work experience on a farm and me being on the honor roll for 3 years!!!! So how can I learn to sell myself and possibly attain a job this summer???
The Answer
Your mom and grandfather are wrong. Well-intentioned perhaps, but wrong. Sending out resumes and cover letters, not a good way to get your first job. That'll work for some people, but not most. You don't have much to 'sell', what you need, is someone to vouch for you.
So, ask every friend you have who has a job, if you can apply, who to talk too, and if they would ask on your behalf if they are hiring. Ask family friends, ask neighbours, ask your mom and grandfather to talk their friends with young people your age or a bit older. Tell EVERYONE you want a job.
The first job you find is probably going to be through a friend of a friend, because everyone your age has a bit of volunteer experience, decent grades and maybe some school clubs. You can't sell yourself that way. The way you can sell yourself is by saying "So-and-so knows me, and will vouch for me that I'll be a hard worker and not a moron." So, stop toiling behind the computer screen. Call all your friends. Post on Facebook or twitter (something positive - don't whine) asking for advice or any leads.
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The Question
I know most people will read the header of this question and immediately have their mind made up. And I used to be one of those people.
I am 21 and he's 22. I've been with this man for 2 years and 10 months. We've had our fights and struggles, sure, but we've always been a pretty strong couple. I trust him more than I trust myself. He's a wonderful person and I never in a million years thought I would be asking myself this question.
It happened when we were out at a bar, and we were arguing about whatever it is drunk couples argue about at 1:30 am on a street outside of a bar. Something about me not wanting to leave and he being upset that I called him a jerk. We hardly ever speak harshly towards each other. Honestly it doesn't matter what the fight was because the fact of the matter is he shoved me, hard. Had I been sober, it may not have mattered. But between that and the force of his push I fell, hit my face on the curb, scratched my face and busted my lip. It looks bad. Of course he felt bad, and of course he apologized. My friends were horrified and he couldn't even look at me. And now I'm just angry. I'm angry for getting drunk and fighting. I'm angry that he pushed me. And I'm angry that I was so badly hurt because I want to just pretend like it never happened. But I feel like everyone is looking at me like I have to dump him... I love him and I never want this to happen again. I respect myself. But I feel like unless I do something, I will look like I don't. I'm just confused and lost and hurt and am looking for any insight what so ever!
The Answer
Honestly, you are right to be angry, and you are right to feel some shame. Getting so drunk that you get in a physical altercation with your partner, in public no less, that's not normal. That's not healthy. That is not how normal, healthy couples, deal with this disagreements, not even when they are 20 years old and drunk.
If either of you got so drunk that either of you couldn't stop yourself from getting into a physical fight - and yeah, shoving counts - then that person was too fucking drunk and needs to seriously revaluate their relationship with alcohol.
If you are going to stay with him (and that is entirely up to you) then you both need to have a serious conversation about how you are going to disagree in the future without doing stupid ass shit. If he can't get drunk, and still remember not to do stupid ass shit - like shove people - then perhaps he, or both of you, should both stop drinking so much. If either of you think that alcohol is totally not a problem here, that's a damn good sign that Yes, alcohol is totally a problem here.
Seriously. This is not a mistake that happened because you are young. This is a mistake that should never have happened. If you both know that, are are serious about making sure you deal with disagreements in the future in healthy (preferably sober) ways, then fine, but if you just pretend this never happened, then you should break up. Because if you lie to yourselves and pretend this didn't happen, it will happen again.
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The Question
The week after my last period, I had unprotected sex with my boyfriend and he didn't necessarily "finish" in me but just as procaution, I took the Plan B Pill in less than 24 hours.. After taking the pill I experienced spotting as if I was getting my period again but it was light flow. Now I'm almost 2 months late on my period. I took a pregnancy test (at home) when I was a week late, then another when I was two weeks late and then another a month and a half late on my period.. THEY ALL CAME OUT "NOT PREGNANT." Do you think I'm pregnant or could it be that the pill is affecting my cycle?
The Answer
It is unlikely you are pregnant. Taken properly, and that quickly, PlanB s quite effective.
It is very likely that the PlanB is throwing off your cycle. That is really very normal. Most women will experience a different sort of odd cycle after taking PlanB.
If you are really worried, talk to a doctor, but based on what you've said here, I wouldn't be too concerned myself.
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The Question
I'm 20. It's with my dad, too, so it's not like with some new boyfriend or husband. I don't get how any rational, humane mother could do this to their existing, adult children. My parents act like this new child will cure all their problems, and consider my older siblings and I "cursed" because of what some psychic said. I kid you not, a psychic. They think African witchcraft is real, despite claiming to be Catholics. And please don't come here propping up Wiccans or other aspects of paganism, it's all complete bullshit to me, and a toxic psychological influence. I'm transfering to another school away from home by next year, so I'm making myself as busy as possible so my parents don't think they have a built in babysitter, with a toxic curse, of all things. The baby is due in about 2 months and I'm not looking forward to it. I already have one 11 year old sibling and so already learned how to change diapers, feed a baby, etc. i was over the moon about that child, as I was also a child, then! I don't need another crash course now, I don't even want any of my own children til my 30s, and even then, I don't want them to be more than 4 years apart. So I don't want another responsibility dumped on me, when I'm still putting together my own life. I don't get what my mother was thinking and why mothers in general are so heartless by having another child In this way. It's not even like I was an only child and my mom suffered from fertility issues, either. Even something like that would be more rational. My mom tries to compare herself with one of her friends who had one adult child, and suffered years of fertility issues, before having another. And it's like... No. And I bet even that woman doesn't consider her older child cursed, and then expect them do be a nanny. My siblings have even each been named a certain way and I think she wants to break the trend, cause suddenly she's opposed to naming kids after grandparents and great grandparents, and if she does so, I'll be even more distant to this child. For the most part, I find it cruel for parents to have another child when their eldest is already 18 at the most. I'm not in the baby sibling mindset anymore, I'm old enough to be married with my children on my own, though this event makes me want to wait even longer before having kids, and I already wanted to wait a long time, anyways. So thanks mom, for scaring me off marriage and kids. As the middle child my issue isn't with being babied, I still baby my 11 year old sibling, I'm just in a special situation. I'm not even a bad person, I work with kids, I don't mind them, but the way my mom went about this is really embarrassing and I don't think I'll ever forgive her
The Answer
You've asked questions here before, and I think you've been given this advice already: You need to see a counsellor or therapist.
Frankly, I think you should avoid a spiritual leader or priest. They are likely to tell you to suck it up and stop hating your mother and this poor, innocent unborn child. A counsellor is more likely to hear your real struggles, and help you address them.
It's okay to feel anger, but so much of your anger is misplaced, and you are poisoning yourself. You are doing a lot of good work to get on with your life away from the toxicity of your parents, but you are holding yourself back emotionally with embarrassment, hatred and resentment.
You need to stop the negativity and anger and hate you are feeing in healthier ways. You need mental health support to do that. You need to stop obsessing about on your mother and this unborn child, not for their sake, but for you own. You are at risk of literally drowning in your hatred for them.
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