My favourite quote is 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you'.
Life really is a roller-coaster with it's ups and downs and varying speeds. Yet no matter how hard you try to stay on an even keel, something always comes along to kick you in the teeth and remind you just how fragile life is. We are all trying to live the best we know how and to get along together. So take time to appreciate those around you and tell them how much you love them occasionally. A smile and a kind word speaks volumes.
Gender: Female
Location: Dorset
Occupation: Housewife/Mother/Counsellor/Volunteer
Member Since: April 20, 2006
Answers: 798
Last Update: February 17, 2009
Visitors: 58108
Main Categories:
Families
Random Weirdos
Parenting
View All
Favorite Columnists
karenR
DangerNerd
isis
S_C
Brandi_S
ChevyIINova
Vikki27
kristen22
|
| |
Okay. I'm 16 and I'm a girl. Of course, I worry a lot about my appearance and what people think of me. But unlike most girls, I obsess about it. It's ruining my life and my relationships with my friends and family are suffering because of it. I'm constantly thinking things like, are they looking at me because I look bad, are they laughing at me, do my friends not want to hang out with me because I'm not pretty, etc.
Not only that, but I worry about absolutely everything else. I worry that my boyfriend is going to get killed before he comes back home (he's working in an office job in the city for two or three months so it's not like he's gone off to war), I worry about my family members getting hurt, I worry about walking out my front door because I'm scared I'm gonna get kidnapped, raped, shot at, etc. I worry that my boyfriend is cheating on me, or doesn't love me, or is using me. I worry that my friends think I'm boring or don't like me for some reason. I read way, way into everything everyone says and overanalyze it and turn it around so that it hurts me. I can go on and on but the point is: all of this worrying and self-deprecating and obsessing over everything is destroying my life.
I don't know what to do. I need advice. Please don't tell me, "Just don't worry so much!" because it's absolutely NOT that simple. Believe me, if I could just stop, I would. But I don't believe that I can. I've spoken to my mom about it, and she's suggested taking me to the doctor (with no actual intention of doing it) and I'm a little wary of doctor's and taking medication intended to change something in my head.
Anyways, can someone please give me some advice? Should I see a doctor? Is medication the right path to take? I just want to be happy with my life, and appreciate what a wonderful thing that I have, and the way I worry is keeping me from doing so.
Thanks in advance for your advice and sorry this is so long! (link)
| |
Of course it is worrying and I am of the opinion that everyone goes through this stage at some point in their lives. I don't think that medication will help but I do suggest seeing a Counsellor who will help you to talk through your anxieties. The Counsellor will not give you direct answers but will help you to see where this obsession is coming from. It is good that you can talk to your Mom about it and please continue to do so. Telling you not to worry so much is a futile thing and offers no solutions. However, trying not to over-analise everything may help. Accept that things can and do happen but try to put it all into perspective. Yes, your boyfriend may well cheat on you - but do you honestly believe he will? He may well get hit by a car - but will he die? I doubt it, maybe he will get a bruise or a broken bone. Is there a way that you can protect yourself against rape? For instance carry a rape alarm. Giving yourself answers and solutions to problems is a start, but I do think talking to a professional is the best way. I hope that I have been of some help to you. Good luck.
|
|
does fingerin hurt the first time? & does it hurt a lottt? or a little? is it even pleasureable the first time? (link)
| |
If it is done gently and sensitively, then the first time shouldn't hurt at all. It can be very pleasurable the first time as long as the person doing the fingering has clean hands, short nails and does not go hard and rough.
|
My parents don['t like husband to be. i love him with all my heart want do i do. do i brake up with him like my parents want me to, or do i say with him????? he was my 1st and i was his. thou I'm only 19 and he is was 23. nothing bad happen. i did not get pregnant. but i always told myself that the guy i have sex with the 1st time i will married. But he has cheated on me with hes bothers girlfriend. lets just say that he want all the way with her. he lets me that he did not like kissing her. i forgave him. but its hard for me to trust him 100%.
SO PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!
PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:( (link)
| |
In my opinion I suggest that you wait a while before getting married. Your parents obviously care about you otherwise it wouldn't matter to them if you were with him or not. He has cheated on you and that is something that cannot be ignored. You don't trust him at the moment and he needs to earn your trust back. Tell him that you need him to be patient and to give you no reasons to suspect he is cheating again before you get married. If, and only if, he can prove he is worthy or your love and hand in marriage should you go ahead with a wedding. Please do listen to what your parents have to say and take into account the experiences they may have had in the past. However, you are the only person who can finally make up your mind for you. Don't rush into anything you may regret. Good luck.
|
|
im 15/m my sister is 13. we kinda get along. im the sporty kinda guy who always has a gf. shes the freaky gothic girl that never had a bf. her bff is a guy. our mom wont let her dress how she always has anymore now our mom hates all her friends. mom wont let my sister wear anything dark or gothic. my sister is going crazy shes cussing out and flipping off people ALOT at home but also quiet and says about 3 words the whole time unless shes out of the house or with her friends then is loud and crazy. shes never had a bf but alot of guy friends. she loves her bff and he loves her but she turned him down? shes very violent and going real rebelious more than ever. and our mom wont let her go over her bffs(a guy)house anymore. so she says shes going with her other friends but most of the time is going with him places. our mom hates all her friends anyway. my sister leaves the house dressed normal then she puts on her black hoodie and jewelry. you never know what shes thinking about it scares me? we dont talk that much but we still do i guess. i took and read her diary i know thats bad but i wana help her. her diary was filled with all that stuff then also disturbing drawings and poems and storys all about dark stuff hate and death. i wana help her without taking to our mom or anyone else just between me her and her friends would help. list all i could do for her to help her and change it. (link)
|
It is very good of you to be so worried about your sister. She is 13 and going through some big changes in her life. She is still a young girl turning into a young woman and her hormones will be all over the place. I agree with the previous answer in that taking her out as a treat would open the door to any discussions and pointing out how proud you are of her individuality. Make her feel good about being herself and don't criticise her. There is not a lot you can do about your Mum's opinions and rules but you could suggest (subtly) that banning all contact with other Goths is not the best way of getting her on side. Reverse psychology works a whole lot better ie: tell her how good she looks in black rather than banning it altogether. If she feels that her rebellions are not being taken seriously she may just tone things down a bit. As for her violence and cussing, if she does that to you just say quietly that you do not like it and would not reciprocate in kind. She may take a while to realise that the best way forward is to take a step back and re-think her outlook.
Do take any threats of suicide seriously but don't make a big fuss about it. Just tell her quietly that you love her very much and she has too much to offer the world as she gets older.
I hope that some of my suggestions make life a little more bearable for you all. I wish you all the best.
|
|
how are you supposed to feel after having sex? (link)
| |
Anything from highly delighted and satisfied to completely miserable and totally unsatisfied, depending on how it went. Mostly I would say happy and contented with a sense of satisfaction.
|
about 20 minutes ago, i went to the bathroom, and there was so much discharge! enough to fill up a bottle cap, no joke!
in my underwear i saw a whole big glop of it, and hanging from my vagina was a long string of it
i am so worried right now about this this is new and has never happened to me before...
im also in a foreign country with my dad, no mother, so thats really awkward
could it have been the traveling that caused this? because i have no idea and im worried i have an infection
ps: fourteen female>virgin! (link)
| |
Please don't worry about it - it really is normal and every female has it. All you can do is put some panty liners in your underwear and change it as often as you need to during the day. Your Dad may or may not know about it but I am sure that it wouldn't bother him if he knew. If you need to buy liners just tell your Dad that you need some feminine products and leave it at that. Hope this helps.
|
F/17
Me and my bf have been dating for 6 months now. When we make out it's great. But the problem is that when I give him a bllow job, it kinda smells bad. I put his dick in really deep which makes me wanna puke. The skin over there rolls back and he likes it but I dont because the cum there doesn't taste great. The end result is, he's not satisfied and I make a big fool of myself. How do I drive him crazy. I would appreciate any extra tips on driving a guy crazy while making out. Thanx. (link)
| |
Never do anything that makes you feel ill or uncomfortable regardless of what your boyfriend says. I can suggest however that you try using a flavoured condom for a blow job - even if the sensation is reduced for him. Otherwise try using a little baby oil and both hands to bring him off that way. Hope this helps.
|
My brother is graduating college in a little while. He's 22 turning 23 this year. & my parents asked me for suggestions as to what to get him, as a graduation gift. Any suggestions?
PS. not a car.
Thank you in advance (link)
| |
What about a fancy watch or a ring (if he wears one), maybe a nice mans neck chain. Alternatively, a video camera, some Premium Bonds if he lives in England or some shares in a company. Perhaps you could have a quiet word with him for suggestions that he might like. I know how difficult it can be to buy for someone of that age - I have a Son who is turning 23 this year too. Good luck.
|
what kind of moan do guys like to hear from a girl?
Like loud , or soft or no moan? (link)
| |
I think that a guy would like to hear a mixture of moans. For example to start off with a small, soft moan, perhaps building up to a slightly louder moan to signify more enjoyment. Obviously, the amount of moaning depends on how much you are enjoying yourself, but if you don't want to make a noise that shouldn't make any difference. Every girl is different and every guy should respect that.
|
I posted a question about sex and being molested on friday. Many people who gave me advice told me that I should see some kind of psychologist or therapist.
Last year, my parents split and my school councelor suggested a therapist for me to go to.
I went to this lady and she only saw me once, we set up a meeting for another date, and I left. I came back the next week and she wasn't in her office, she wouldn't answer her phone, and I never got any kind of call back from her so I just quit going.
Now the problem is that not only do I not have a school councelor but now my dad is not willing to pay for a therapist and he thinks I don't need any help.
How do I convince my dad to take me to another one? (link)
| |
To convince your Dad that you need to see a counsellor you will need to tell him the truth. Explain how hard it is for you to move forward in your life whilst trying to deal with being molested. A school counsellor is usually there for problems concerning everyday life in and out of school ie bullying, and not for your kind of situation. You need to see someone who deals more with being molested. A rape counsellor will have more experience - ask your doctor if he can refer you or ring up a helpline. If your Dad still does not think you need a therapist could your Mum help you out if you are still in contact? On behalf of counsellors I can only say that we are not all flaky or sicker than our clients. I wish you all the very best.
|
|
Well me and my boyfriend have tried having babies and every time it ends in a death so we gave up trying and I just found out I'm pregnet again (this would be the4th time we lose a baby if it dies) I want to be happy but its hard because of the past and I know he is going to feel the same way how do I tell him? (link)
| |
This really is a very tough time for the both of you. Losing a baby is one of the worst things I have had to deal with, and facing it for a fourth time must be hell. You need to be honest with him about your feelings and give him time to have his say. Then the both of you should go to the doctor/hospital and ask to be monitored closely because of your past history. Should you sadly lose this baby too demand that someone looks into your case to try and find an answer. The doctors may well be able to give you some guidance or clues. Unfortunately, sometimes there may be no answer and it is just down to bad luck and mother nature. I wish you all the very best for a successful pregnancy this time, but if it all goes wrong again, you will need to give yourself time to grieve before trying again. If you are offered counselling please take it, it will help. My prayers and heartfelt good wishes go to you all.
|
|
Ok so i got a boufriend we have been going out for like 2 weeks and ii have absoultly no feelings for him ='[ when he touches me i feel werid and everythiing i want to end it but i dnt know how if i do alot of people will hate me so pelase help i dont nkow what to do please anyone help me the more advice the better =[ (link)
| |
There is no point in staying in a relationship that doesn't feel right just because you want to please other people. Only you can know how you really feel about this guy and the best thing to do is to be honest with him. Say that you don't feel your relationship is going any where and you need time out from it. You haven't been in the relationship long enough to have built any special memories and it should be easier to walk away with your head held high. Don't fob him off with excuses or say that you may want to get back with him and tell him that although he may be a great guy, he just isn't the 'one' for you. Good luck.
|
I am incredibly bored!!!!!!What should I do???
any suggestions are appreciated.
Thanks!!! (link)
|
Female - Read, go swimming, knit, listen to music, write some lyrics for a song. Go to the pictures, bake a cake, do the ironing. Go for a bike ride, have a friend over or play some on-line games.
Male - go swimming, ride a bike, listen to music, change your bed, do some ironing, have a mate over. Go to the cinema, bake your Mum a cake.
The list is endless. If you mean you are bored with life make a long list of everything you want to achieve then work out how you can go about getting them done.
|
im 15 and me and my bf had sex sort of..
he used a condom, and he didnt go all the way in.
my cherry didnt pop and he didnt cum.
i know theres a chance of me getting pregnate..but im so scared right now. i swear i wont do it again until im ready but i really need pplz opinions. the thing im worried abou is the stuff that comes out of the guy before the guy cums. i know it can carry sperm. i just dont know wht to think..help! (link)
| |
If he put the condom on before penetration you should be okay. However, being really scared about possible pregnancy can make your period late and that in turn will make you even more anxious. It is highly unlikely that you may be pregnant but just to put your mind at rest, wait a week and do a pregnancy test. That should confirm to you that you are not pregnant. In future, before you decide to have sex, use double protection in the form of a condom and using the pill. Good luck.
|
ok i have a lot of discharge, i have not started my period yet either. i live with my dad so its really hard to bring up the subject. i can't have a aunt, a friend, or a cousin take me either. i need pantyliners but i dont know how to get them without my dad knowing. what should i do???
plz help me, A.S.A.P.
(link)
| |
Your Dad will want what is best for you. Just say to him that you have to buy some feminine products at the store. You don't need to go into detail and I am sure he will understand what it is you are saying. If he needs a bit more information tell him that your body is changing and you are developing into a woman. He will realise that you need your privacy on this and hopefully will let you go to the store alone. If there is a problem, do you have a female teacher at school who could help you out? If talking to him is really painful, write him a little note explaining your needs to him. All the best.
|
|
well this doesnt really have to do with sex, but im not sure where to put it. this is kinda gross haha, but every day i get soo much discharge, (17/f) its so gross. i know everybody says its natural, it is healthy, blah blah but its so much that i have to like keep toilet paper in my underwear or else it just...haha ew well anyway, is there anyway i can prevent it from being so much, like eating healthier or anything at all? please im soo annoyed with it haha, thanks :) (link)
| |
I truly sympathise with you on this one - I have the same problem. It is natural and you can't make it disappear. I can only suggest that you use panty-liners and change them at least once a day. With time you will learn to live with it. All the best.
|
|
I am divorced. We have 3 kids together ages 10,9,7... my son is the 7 year old. He comes home upset from visiting his father every time.He has been living with this boy who is 6 for a year, His mother has 5 kids by 4 different fathers and 2 are serving life in prison. one is (the boys) father. He is going to marry the boys mom in july and adopt him. This would be fine if he was a fit father but he is not.She is also a convicted felon.who only has custody of 1 of her 5 children. I am a suburban mom who makes a pretty good living, and gives my kids a good life, by the way he has also been convicted of domestic violence on our daughter. Should I keep my kids out of their home?? Its becomeing ever so bizarre.My son comes home cryin g because this new kid call his dad daddy, he feels like he has been replaced. His girlfriend told my son something about a month ago that set me off, they were spending the weekend with dad and girlfriend and my son asked when he was gonna see mommy and the crazy girl told him "mommy is dead i killed her", my girls said this was said..she has threatened to kill me through relatives, she is not all there. What do I do?By the way my ex and this woman were having affairs throughout our ten year marriage. This is not a stable environment for my kids, I am in a great relationship now and I might want to fight for sole custody and move away..Any advice?? (link)
| |
What a horrible position you find yourself in. I can only advise you that in your position I would certainly go for full custody because your children need you to protect them. They are your first priority and if they are being subjected to this kind of mental torture it will affect them. As for physical violence against a child - well I can't print what I think but you have to do everything to protect your daughter. As suggested in the previous answer, I totally agree with moving house and getting a restraining order out against your ex and his girlfriend. Your children need you and any threats against your life should be taken very seriously. Keep a diary of events and report everything to the police so that they can keep a track of any escalating violence. Your children will ask questions and your answers need to be child-friendly - ie: Mummy and Daddy don't love each other any more and we have to move away from Daddy for business/love whatever reason you can think of. Children are quite happy with half answers until they are older and once they reach a level of understanding will fully support why you wouldn't let them have contact. As for being in a new relationship, what child doesn't like to see their mum happy. If your new partner can bring up your children in a safe, loving environment then go for it. I wish you all the very best and hope that everything works out ok for you.
|
|
do they ask you if you masturbate at the gynocologist? (link)
| |
No they do not.
|
|
I am a very enthusiastic christian, and the perverted people that i had to sit on the bus with (two Pastor's kids and three practicing christians!) started making fun of me because i didn't know all those perverted terms, and because i don't cuss, and i never even kissed a guy(saving it for marriage)and i actually felt bad about this afterward! I know that they were the ones in the wrong, but they made me feel like i was. What can i do? BTW-i already prayed for them like a million times. (link)
| |
In the Bible it says "turn the other cheek" and I think that you should do the same. They obviously think it is hilarious to tease you for your beliefs and as they are practising Christians they all ought to be thoroughly ashamed of themselves. You are not in the wrong, they are, and if you can ignore their taunts you will be learning a valuable lesson in holding your own. Perhaps these people are rebelling against their upbringing in the only way they know how so feel sorry for them instead of feeling bad yourself. I wish you all the very best.
|
Lets say some astronaut dies on the moon? What would happen to his body?
I mean there are no bacteria, no warms and maggots...so... does that mean he could stay like this forever? (link)
| |
It is very doubtful that a space agency would just leave a body to rot on the moon. If they did it would just decompose.
|
|