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Worrying (kind of long, sorry!)
Okay. I'm 16 and I'm a girl. Of course, I worry a lot about my appearance and what people think of me. But unlike most girls, I obsess about it. It's ruining my life and my relationships with my friends and family are suffering because of it. I'm constantly thinking things like, are they looking at me because I look bad, are they laughing at me, do my friends not want to hang out with me because I'm not pretty, etc.
Not only that, but I worry about absolutely everything else. I worry that my boyfriend is going to get killed before he comes back home (he's working in an office job in the city for two or three months so it's not like he's gone off to war), I worry about my family members getting hurt, I worry about walking out my front door because I'm scared I'm gonna get kidnapped, raped, shot at, etc. I worry that my boyfriend is cheating on me, or doesn't love me, or is using me. I worry that my friends think I'm boring or don't like me for some reason. I read way, way into everything everyone says and overanalyze it and turn it around so that it hurts me. I can go on and on but the point is: all of this worrying and self-deprecating and obsessing over everything is destroying my life.
I don't know what to do. I need advice. Please don't tell me, "Just don't worry so much!" because it's absolutely NOT that simple. Believe me, if I could just stop, I would. But I don't believe that I can. I've spoken to my mom about it, and she's suggested taking me to the doctor (with no actual intention of doing it) and I'm a little wary of doctor's and taking medication intended to change something in my head.
Anyways, can someone please give me some advice? Should I see a doctor? Is medication the right path to take? I just want to be happy with my life, and appreciate what a wonderful thing that I have, and the way I worry is keeping me from doing so.
Thanks in advance for your advice and sorry this is so long!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Trust me on ths one (I know from experience) this anxiety problem is not going to fade on its own. It's only going to intensify without the proper medical treatment. You need to see a family doctor and be truthful about everything and then see an adolescent psychiatrist.
You appear to have an anxiety disorder. I cannot tell you which one but having been in a mental health ward for something myself a few years back I saw the symptoms everyone else had for their particular disorder.
What you describe is a problem with anxiety that only a psychiatrist and medication will fix. Your life will return to normal over time and these toughts which are the disease talking will fade as they are not yours to begin with.
I know you are worried about taking medications to put a hault to a problem that exists within your head.
Trust me, none of these medictions will ever alter your personality or change the person that you are or have any adverse effects like that. All anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication does is put a stop to the chemical reaction in your brain that triggers these thoughts.
You're sick and I'm saying that because I have seen people with the exact same problem you have neededing to be treated for it. These feelings and thoughts are not normal and will progressively get worse if you do nothing. See your doctor immediately.
The moment you do your life will be on the path toward you feeling normal, healthy and happy free of any anxious thoughts. If you cannot get to your doctor tonight or see someone who can help this kind of issue qualifies as a mental health problem (which it is indeed.)
Your local emergency room will have a psychiatrist access you on the spot and determine exactly what type of anxiety disorder you have and how to treat you. They will not put you in the hospital unless you are spiralling out of control, delusional and or of harm to yourself or others.
They will probably just diagnose you and send you home with medication. Unless they see you are unable to function at all nobody will put you in he hospital.
Do have this looked at as based on my experience it's something that must be dealt with before it becomes bigger and qualifies as a mental health problem related to extreme anxiety.
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I can relate to alot of what you have said, the thing that strikes me the most is when you say "I worry that my boyfriend is going to get killed before he comes back home", i have this fear too, it's because of my OCD (obsesive compulsive disorder), you sound like you have an OCD too.
OCD's if left untreated can spiral into many different kinds, which is why you should go to your doctor, you might not nesesarly be put on medication, there are other different routes to take such as councelling, therapy and alternative therapies.
Your doctor will be able to help you decide which route to take and if you do need therapy you wont have to pay if he refers you to it, (that's how it works in the UK).
I know it's easy for me to say but try not to worry too much about this because OCD is very treatable, it's just best to get it sorted now because it goes even further.
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Worrying is normal. Analyzing things is normal. Thinking is normal. And worrying about appearance is normal. BUT at the rate you do it, it's not. And it's obviously affecting everything you do. So I'm thinking you suffer from paranoia. I've got it. I worry about everything. I wonder if I look okay, if I look fat, if people hate me, what my friends think, if they like me, hate me, if they talk about me, if my parents & family really love me, if I'm gonna make it in life, if I'm gonna get a job, if I'm gonna find love. Absolutely everything. Things I shouldn't worry about. Yes, I should be worrying about if I make it in life, but there's not a doubt I won't. And my friends love me, so why worry, right? Wrong. You can still worry about things, but to the extent which I do it...it's dangerous to my health.
For your appearance, do you not eat because you might think you're fat? Or do you wear lots of make up or whatever because maybe you think you're ugly? I can assure you that you're not, and there is nothing to worry about. If your worries about your appearance are stopping you from eating & doing other things like that, then it is definitely something to worry about because you'll get an eating disorder. If you think you look bad, look to your friends for reassurance. Ask them "Do I look good today?" or ask your mom before you leave. Of course you think, "She's my mom. She'll probably just tell me yes so I won't change & be late for school." or "She's just telling me that because she loves me & wants to spare my feelings." Wrong. Your mother is actually telling you the truth.
For your boyfriend, I doubt anything is going to happen to him. I mean, yeah he's in the city & there's dangers & all of that, but he's a man. Men can usually tend to themselves & be fine. That's just their masculinity & that's how it goes. I don't know how long he's been there, but if he's been there a while, I doubt there's a chance he's gonna get killed. I mean, he's lasted that long there, so there's nothing to worry about. I'm sure he can last the rest of the time. Secondly, I doubt he's cheating. If your boyfriend loves you, he won't cheat. It's simple. I don't know who your boyfriend is, or who you are, but I'm pretty positive your boyfriend loves you & won't fuck up the relationship. And he's probably not using you. If all he said to you was "When are we gonna have sex?" or "Let's have sex now!" or "If you don't have sex with me, we're done." or "That can be put off for later. Sex comes now." then he'd be using you. But if none of that comes from him, & sex isn't all he seems to be asking for, then he's not using you & he's not interested in just sex alone. He loves you for you & has better things to worry about than getting laid.
Your friends are friends with you for a reason. If your friends thought you were boring, why would they be friends with you? If my friends were boring, I wouldn't be friends with them. I honestly can't stand people that bore me. If you can't make me laugh, we're not friends. Same thing as if you're rude. The only reasons why your friends should be laughing at you is if you say something funny, or something sort of dumb. If they laugh at you for other reasons like you make a serious mistake, or they're laughing at your discomfort or your hurt, then they're not your friends & you need to find some new ones. Your friends do like you though. Why worry about it? Like I said, your friends are friends with you for a reason.
Your family -- you can't stop them getting hurt. You can't stop anyone from getting hurt. I mean, you can, but like a twisted ankle or maybe a black eye, no. Getting ran over by a car, or stuff like that & you're there, yes you can stop it from happening. You can either pull them back before they walk, or push them out of the way. But things like getting their heart broken or their feelings hurt, you can't stop. It's normal to worry about them, they're your family & you love them. But everyone gets hurt, and to a certain degree, you cannot stop it. I worry about my family memebers getting hurt too, but I also remember that they've got their parents or their spouses to look after them, and they don't need the extra worry.
For you worrying about getting shot, raped, or kidnapped -- that's nothing to worry about. There's always a chance that it could happen, but it more than likely won't. If you live somewhere safe, you have nothing to worry about. There's a slight worry you should have since nowhere you go/live is exactly "safe" but you should know that if you're careful, you'll be fine. Whenever I walk, I make sure there's a guy with me at all times. Whether it's a friend, my brother, my cousin -- anyone, they're with me. If I ever walk alone, sometimes I get beeped at, or whistled at by guys who are well over 30. Sometimes by guys who are young, but it still scares me. If you see someone approach you, it's probably best to run to a safe place such as a neighbor's house, a family member's home, or a close friend's place. They will take you in, and call 911. As for getting shot at, I doubt it'll happen. I'm not gonna tell you "Oh, go buy a bulletproof vest" simply because it'd be rediculous to wear one, but just make sure you look before you leave your house.
It's normal to think about what people say, but overanalyzing them is too much. Just take the nice things people say as compliments. Brush off the rude comments. And laugh at the jokes. Life is good & you can't let something like your thoughts take over because most of the time they're wrong. Your friends love you, and wouldn't be friends with you if they didn't like you. Your boyfriend is going to be fine, and he loves you & isn't using you. Your family members probably won't get hurt, and you won't get shot at, raped, or kidnapped. Don't worry so much.
I think talking to your mom about it was a good idea. Take her up on her suggestion; and see a doctor. I mean, I can sit here & tell you that you have a chance of suffering from paranoia, but only a doctor can diagnose you with it. I'm not a doctor, so I can't say for sure, but that's what it sounds like. Just see the doctor, tell them what's going on & let them diagnose you & prescribe you something. As for medication, some might not work for you, and you might go through a few before finding the right one. Also, if you do suffer from something like paranoia, don't automatically consider yourself a freak or whatever. You're not, you're normal. Lots of people suffer from things like this. Like me, I suffer from a lot. I have paranoia, clinical depression, adhd, anger issues, ocd, and I'm lactose intolerant. Just remember you're not me. Lol. Good luck!
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Of course it is worrying and I am of the opinion that everyone goes through this stage at some point in their lives. I don't think that medication will help but I do suggest seeing a Counsellor who will help you to talk through your anxieties. The Counsellor will not give you direct answers but will help you to see where this obsession is coming from. It is good that you can talk to your Mom about it and please continue to do so. Telling you not to worry so much is a futile thing and offers no solutions. However, trying not to over-analise everything may help. Accept that things can and do happen but try to put it all into perspective. Yes, your boyfriend may well cheat on you - but do you honestly believe he will? He may well get hit by a car - but will he die? I doubt it, maybe he will get a bruise or a broken bone. Is there a way that you can protect yourself against rape? For instance carry a rape alarm. Giving yourself answers and solutions to problems is a start, but I do think talking to a professional is the best way. I hope that I have been of some help to you. Good luck.
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