Alin75's advice column | Page 16

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Male

Location:

Denmark

Occupation:

Translator

Age:

43

Member Since:

November 28, 2004

Answers:

1296

Last Update:

April 28, 2014

Visitors:

136557

Favorite Columnists

Main Categories:

about

advice

ive been having cravings a lot latelyy! for chocolate and what not
but whenver i have some i get set off and end up having A LOTTTT more than i said i would have
anyways, ive been working out a lot lately, cardio and strength training and what not. is it okay to have a "bad food night" once in awhile or will i end up gaining weight? i went 6 days working out and eating verrry well and then i ended up splurging today. will i gain weight tomorow and ruin all my weeks worth of hardwork!???
i had about 10 girlscout cookies, a burger king hamburger and more chocolate. i would say about 1500 calories more than i usually consume.. (usually consume 1500 a day) so today i consumed 3000 calories. i didnt workout today, but i have been for the last 2 weeks really hard, will i burn these calories off or will i gain weight tomorrow?!
( bythewway im about to go to sleep... )

It is ok to have a cheat day once in a while. Its probably best if its not a total binge, but even if it is it will not make you gain weight. Just make sure you get back to your routine the next day.

Ideally, cheat meals are better than cheat days, and with cheat meals you can have them a bit more often. I do admit though that I too use cheat days... one every 2 weeks, where the gloves are off so to speak :D I have never to this day experienced weight gain from them.

But don't obsess tomorrow, and don't weigh yourself either. Set one day every week where you weigh yourself at the same time of the day (ideally in the morning, before breakfast). That way you won't panick from small fluctuations.

Good luck.

This is usually what I eat, but I don't know if it's a good diet or not. It's low in calories and fat, but according to TheDailyPlate.com it's high in carbs and sometimes sodium. Let me know what you think.
For breakfast, I usually have either a VitaMuffin (google them!) with fruit, or a Dannon Light & Fit yogurt. Sometimes instead I have the yogurt with fruit. For lunch, I have either a turkey sandwich on whole-wheat bread with fruit, yogurt, or sugarfree jell-o, or a veggie dog. For dinner, I usually have a whole can of vegetable Campbell's Select Harvest Light soup with a piece of toast, a boca burger mixed with some bell peppers and egg whites, or low-calorie Lean Cuisine or Smart Ones meals, usually being a chicken or shrimp dish.

You get the general idea. Please give me as much advice as possible.

What are your stats, and what activities do you do?

No concrete advice of any kind can be given without that information. Any advice you do get will be a shot in the dark.

The diet seems rather low on calories. I for one would keel over with a diet like that. A tiny girl might not. As a paid user the only thing I can see is that you are "female".

So here is some general advice:

- You are missing your essential fatty acids, and particularly omega 3 (except perhaps on days when your evening meals include fish). These are crucial for your health, so do make an effort to include them. Good sources are: oily fish, unsalted nuts & seeds (particularly walnuts for omega 3), good quality oils (e.g. evo, canola) etc.

- Relative to your other meals, breakfast seems to have too few calories.

- A lot of your food appears to be processed. In general, the more unprocessed foods you eat the better.

That is about all I can say from the information above.

Good luck.

I wanted to get a few opinions on this question.

Do you believe that there are some people out there that can "predict" the future?

The reason that I'm asking is because in a way, my boyfriend's mother actually knows a lady that does it over the phone and everything she has said, was actually correct and things that happened after talking to her.

Recently, I've gotten in a huge fight with my parents because of what my boyfriend is (ethnicity & family background wise) and they do not approve.

I love him to death and having them not approve without even getting the chance to meet him is a big stab in my heart.

Before they even found out about him, his mother actually talked to that lady and she told them that my parents would not like him and there would be problems.

Well, she was right.

She also mentioned that we're going to a wedding in April.. and she was also right about that.

A lot of the things the says are actually true or coming true.

I was never a big believer and it's not like I'm expecting all of these things to happen just because she said they will but I'm so stuck.

Now, everything else I hear I start getting worried :/

Any help is appreciated. Opinions, advice.. anything.

Thank you.

I am also very much a sceptic.

Predictions are usually very vague. Also people tend to remember the ones that came true and forget the ones that were off.

For many years people have been trying to find anyone with supernatural abilities, but they have all failed when tested under controlled environments. Even the CIA bought into some of this nonsense years ago which (to my knowledge) led to quite a few millions of wasted dollars.

I really wouldn't worry about it.

(Oh and by the way, if she really can predict the future, do let her know there is fund out there that will pay her 1 million dollars if she can pull it off under controlled scientific conditions- it has been around for many years, yet no one seems to be able to claim the money)

i need to lose 10 pounds
and i started last week on eating healthy and working out everyday
i have been doing cardio for 40 minutes in the early morning and then later that night. (Turbo Jam Cardio Party mix 1)
after that week i weighed myself and i havent lost any weight im EXACTLY the same when i have REDUCED my calories to about 1400 a day..
i should have lost about a pound or something right?!
am i doing something wrong?

Be patient. Sometimes it takes a while to start losing weight. I am not sure why that is, but I have noticed that there is a delay there. Similarly when one goes off a diet there seems to be a lag before the body starts gaining weight.

So, as long as you are eating healthy and exercising, you WILL lose weight. I guarantee it, just stick with your plan.

In the meantime, do not over do it. You will pay for it later I promise. Stick to something sustainable (if you feel the two cardios work for you thats fine, but it would be too much for most people), and aim for a moderate calorie deficit.

Also keep an eye on other indicators than weight, e.g. how clothes fit, waist size, how you look/ feel etc.

Good luck

So usually during the week, I skip going to the gym for a day, maybe 2. I skipped going last Friday, then I've been going every day since Saturday, but I don't want to go today. I've eaten altogether about 500 calories in all my 3 meals, and I'm going to a spin class tomorrow morning, so is it okay to not go once out of a week?

Of course it is ok. Any gym routine should have at least one rest day every week. It is possible to train on all the other days, but one has to split the muscle groups so that one does not overtrain. So that really depends on your routine, but one rest day per week is advisable.

Just an observation, it sounds like you are eating too little. I don't know your stats, but even for a tiny person 500 calories in three meals sounds like almost nothing. An active young person normally needs more food than that. But again, I dont know your meal plans etc, so it was just a thought :)

Good luck.

18 Female,

Okay so I've been with my boyfriend since the start of march & so far so good...BUT he and his ex are still friends. I understand he can't just not talk to her ever again because they dated for like 4 years but her flirting with him & text msgs asking to stay at his house, Im getting upset over it. Im not the type to get angry and start a fight, I usually get upset & become quiet so Im not going to argue with my boyfriend about it. But i obviously need to deal with the fact that they're going to be friends.

He says theres nothing going on between them anymore, & that he's friends with all his ex's and they don't do anything except be friends. He told me he won't go back to his recent ex(the one i have a problem with) because she constantly pissed him off for like the last 1 yr of their relationship and they always fought to the point where he couldnt handle it anymore & that she's said she'll change so many times that he doesnt believe her anymore so yeah.

Can anyone give me suggestions on how to deal with them being friends?

The thing is she shouldn't have to take a hint. Your boyfriend is the one that must confront her with this, and he must explain to her in no uncertain terms that this behaviour is unacceptable.

I dont' actually think that you should be the one to confront her. I am by no means an expert at this stuff, but that is my opinion. I think your boyfriend is the one that has that responsibility.

You should definitely talk to your boyfriend and explain to him that this bothers you very much. Then ask him to be more direct with his ex. You are not being unreasonable at all by making this request, and he should have no problem with it.

The bottom line as I see it, is that his ex must understand that she can have him only as a friend or not at all. The sooner she realises this, the better it will be for everybody.

Once that is done, dealing with the friendship will be much easier for you.

Good luck.

Edit: I seemed to have overlapped with the new answer below... oh well, at least we agree :)

when my boyfriend has an erection, his penis bends sideways kind of like a banana, is that natural. I like didn't say anything to him about it but I'm curious

Yes it is. There is absolutely no norm whatsoever in this respect.

what event in track makes u lose the most weight? throwing, sprinting, long distance, or hurddle?

If its pure weight loss you are after long distance running is the way to go. Weight loss very much comes down to calories in vs calories burned, and long distance running burns a heck of a lot of calories.

Do keep in mind though that if you focus a lot on this you will end up looking more and more like a long distance runner (in terms of body composition, muscle type, etc). I am not saying that is a bad thing, but just so you are aware of it, since they look very different from a sprinter for example.

What is the best heavy metal album of all time?

Oh that is something no one will agree on. Not least of all since heavy metal has been used to describe all kinds of bands that are not strictly "heavy metal".

If I had to pick one though it would probably be "Number of the Beast" by Iron Maiden.

Well, is it true that people who smoke lose weight.... does it stop you from feeling hungry and stuff...? Coz most of my friends who smoke are friggin' skinny...I think I might start smoking for this reason...

Just to indulge you for a second in what would be one of the worst possible decisions of your life... Smoking does not make you lose a lot of weight. Some studies only correlated weight gain with quitting smoking, while recording little or no weight loss for starting smoking. Others found maybe a few pounds of weight loss resulting from smoking.

Here are a couple of articles I dug up:

http://www.ash.org.uk/ash_xr3lq870.htm
http://www.drgreene.com/21_249.html

Now, even if it worked, your plan is bit like setting fire to your house to help clean up the mess in your room. I cannot overstate the dangers of smoking.

If tobacco was discovered today it would probably be totally illegal. Its addictive properties are off the scale, and I also speak from past personal experience here unfortunately. It increases your risk of a long list of cancers, and not just the ones we normally think of like lung and oral, but also breast, bladder, stomach and so on. Then, it also exposes you to a host of other diseases/ conditions (e.g. heart disease, stroke, heart attacks, atherosclerosis, tuberculosis etc).

One could fill out pages on this stuff, and that's without even touching on the superficial elements like rapidly ageing skin and stained teeth.

Ok, sorry for turning this into a smoking sermon, I just know how hard it is to stop once one started, and when I hear a young person thinking of taking it up I feel like shaking them :)

Please drop the idea, and try to incorporate some long term changes into your eating habits. There are never short cuts with weight loss (not even those low carb/ fat/ whatever diets). The key is with long term sustainable changes in lifestyle, which include both diet and exercise. Otherwise the weight virtually always comes back.

Good luck.

Okay so i have a boyfriend currently who has been my boyfriend for over a year now, we have had some hard times but i love him with everything, Well i also have this guy friend that i have been friends with since 5th grade that likes me and he always calls me and comes over and i dont mind becuase we have been friends forever but recently him and his girlfriend broke up and he has been flirting with me like crazy and keeps trying to tell me to break up with my boyfriend i deserve someone so much better and all of this and he wont listen to me when i tell him that i dont want to leave my boyfriend and that me and him are just friends. Can someone please help me???

There is no magic formula here unfortunately. The only thing you can do is up the stakes. Let him know that if he does not stop this kind of childish behaviour that it will jeopardise your friendship. He really should understand that he has two choices 1. you remain friends and he respects your choices, or 2. you will no longer be friends with him.

In my opinion that is really what it comes down to. I know that it can be very hard if one appreciates the friendship, but it seems as though this is the only way he will believe you.

Good luck.

I am part of a group of people who read our local newspaper online and comment on the news of the day in the public forums provided. It's great fun and offers an excellent place to interact with others.

Some of us have become close, exchanging e-mails and chat messages. One of the women has suggested we all get together at a local watering hole and meet each other, and the gang has agreed.

I would love to join in, but the problem is that the persona I built online is that of a hunky, handsome young man -- including a pilfered photo I posted as "me" on my profile. Needless to say, he is NOT me. I am a 54-year-old, chubby, graying man who wears glasses.

I would love to meet these people, but I'm embarrassed about the lies I have told them. Some of the women have flirted with me, thinking I am this sexy guy. How can I fix this so we can all be friends? I am afraid they'll be angry at my ruse.

First off, I am not too sure who it is I am talking to right now. Your profile age says 17 and your previous questions set your age at anything from 13 to quite old. Very peculiar don't you think?

Anyway, assuming for a second that I actually am talking to a 54 year old, there is no easy way around your problem. You outright lied to these people, so it is going to be hard to gain their trust- particularly since you seem to confirm the old belief that you cant trust anyone online.

The only thing you can do, in my opinion, is to talk to these people first. Just come out asap and admit what you did. Explain that you regret it, that it was only done in good fun etc, and that you enjoyed talking to them. What happens next is really up to them.

Alin 34/m

Does anyone know any good free virus protection programs I can download for my computer? I've tried Ad-Ware and Advanced System care and it only slowed my system down even more. I want something that will delete all trojans, backdoors and worms. Right now I'm running off CCleaner which only deletes temporary files.

Thanks

Avast is a good free antivirus. You can download it here:

http://www.avast.com/eng/download-avast-home.html

I would still run some of the anti malware programs (like ad-ware or spybot) from time to time though, since they seem to deal with other kinds of threats primarily.

hey there.
i am male of 20 and i am under the process of loosing wieght. but my first problem is that i cant exercise in the morning coz of some schedule so i do it in evening that is i run for 3 kms then i go to gym and do some heavy duty exercise for an hour and then i do jogging for 5kms. and i want to loose around 10 kgs of weight as my current weight is 90 kgs n i want to be of 80 kgs.
BUT THE PROBLEM IS THAT I AM NOT GETTING THE DESIRED RESULTS THAT IS I AM NOT LOOSING WIGHT EVENTHOUGH I HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING THE ABOVE SCHEDULE FO MORE THEN 2 WEEKS AND ON PEOPLE ADVISE THAT I SHOULD STOP FORBID MYSELF FROM EATING ATLEAST 2 HOURS BEFORE EXERCISE TO YIELD GOOD RESULTS BIT THAT IS NOT WORKING. SO PLEASE ADVISE ME SOMETHING(APART FROM BEING PATIENT) .
P.S. I HAVE DTOPPED HAVING HEAVY LUNCH BREAKFAST AND HEAVY DINNER. BUT I TAKE HEAVY BREAKFAST.

Hey there.

Your workout schedule sounds fine.

The 2 hour rule I don't think is so important.

Of much more importance are your total daily calories. The simple matter of total calories in vs total calories burned. If you are not getting the right results, reduce your total by a few hundred (i.e. eat a little bit less).

Other small things you can do are:
- Do not eat a lot of carbs post workout (i.e. evenings). Stick mainly to lean protein sources.
- Make sure you get some daily essential fatty acids and particularly omega 3 (from oily fish, flax, walnuts, or supplements like fish oil). Not a lot mind you, but it should be daily.
- Eliminate sources of empty calories (if any) in your diet. Avoid junk foods, anything with sugar added to it, and products with a high amount of saturated fat (this is found in fatty animal products).
- Eat foods with a good amount of dietary fibre. Whole grain products are a good source, as are certain vegetables and fruit. A little google research can give you a lot of examples.

Here is a link to a very relevant forum:

http://www.muscletalk.co.uk/

It has a section on weight loss, where you can get (or search for) a lot of advice. There is also a section on recipes. Even though this is bodybuilder domintated they are great for any weight management program.

Good luck.

So i am joining a gym. This was what I was planning to do when I go there;

STRETCHHH.

1. Jog there (like a mile) (with my waterrr bottle!)
2. Do some core on the machines
3. Do a "cool down" i guess on the ..biking machines?
4. go into the steam room

Does this sound good? Should I stretch afterward too? Any suggestions would be helpful

ps. im trying to tone upp not lose weight =]

Toning is a very ambiguous concept. In reality you can 1. put on/ lose muscle or 2. put on/ lose fat.

To gain definition (which is what most people mean by toning) you need to either lower your body fat or gain muscle mass... or both.

Anyhow, I have a few comments irrespective of your goals. First I would rather start with the resistance training, after a short warmup, then move to the cardio. If you want good results I would recommend intaking a protein source right after the cardio. Remember resistance training breaks down your muscles and they need the right building blocks to super compensate.

Second, unless you have some injuries that prevent you from using them, try to use free weights as much as possible. I know girls (I assume you're are female?) have an aversion to them, but they are better for you in every way. They produce better results, they train supporting muscles, they dont expose you to the risk of overtraining in the same way, and the strength you get is more useful. Also remember to train opposing muscle groups (e.g. stomach and lower back, quads and hamstrings, etc).

Beyond this, your diet will regulate what your results will be. If you eat a calorie surplus you will put on some weight, if you eat a calorie deficit you will lose some. Just in case I am right and you are a girl, do not be afraid of what I call putting on weight. Muscle gain is excruciatingly slow for women and their common fear of becoming muscle bound is totally unfounded.

As for stretching, that's a good idea after your resistance training routine.

Good luck.

14/f. I walk fast on the treadmill 5-6 times a week for 45 minutes. then I do some arm and leg weights, and then I do trunk twists to get rid of my love handles. My legs are nice and toned and I'm happy with them, but my stomach is a disaster! I've been working out like this for a few weeks now and I can't get it to shrink! I want a flat stomach, but when I sit down you can seriously take 5 or 6 handfuls of my stomach fat. I don't know what to do. I do crunches on a fitness ball as well, but NOTHINGS WORKING! Im going to Florida in 6 weeks and I really just want to be skinny! I'm done being chubby and not fitting into clothes. i want a flat stomach and overall great body. but this stomach won't budge. I eat special k every day for breakfast, some fruit and a special k snack bar for lunch, and for dinner i have pasta or chicken or something with a salad. HELP

The myth that will not die :)

You cannot under any circumstances target fat loss on an area of your body. Training abs will only build muscle and nothing else. Similarly, trunk twists do absolutely nothing for your love handles.

If you do not believe me, google "fat spot reduction myth".

Unfortunately the only thing that works is lowering your overall body fat. Genetics determines if one area is over or under emphasised, but as you lose weight it will eventually come off your stomach.

Weight loss implies a negative calorie balance. Cardio is very useful, and you are already doing that which is excellent. Resistance training is also useful for preserving muscle mass during periods of weight loss. However, the more muscles you train the better, so don’t just focus on specific areas. From this point on adjust your calorie balance down a bit.

In regards to the diet, keep it clean and balanced (as you have been doing). I would go for a proper meal at lunch and drop the snack bar. Make sure also you get a daily dose of essential fatty acids- these are crucial for your health and they also benefit weight loss. Sources include oily fish, nuts (particularly walnuts for omega 3), dark green leafy vegetables, good quality oils, etc.

Also try to get the bulk of your calories before periods of activity and less afterwards.

Good luck.

After working out, what are some good things to snack on? I'm always starving when I return from the gym & fruits/vegetables aren't always available.

Would something like chips & salsa be good?

Chips have quite a lot of carbs. Often they also have a good deal of saturated fat (depending on the chips).

Post workout I would limit carb intake unless you plan to be active later. Fruits and vegetables are good, but chips just tend to be empty calories.

What you definitely need is a good protein source. Could be any sort of low fat dairy product for example. There are many options, and you could even get your hands on some protein bars.

Otherwise something with some essential fatty acids would also be good in moderation. For example unsalted nuts (particularly walnuts), olives, etc.

Good luck.

why do guys have erections in the morning? thanks

Found a very good answer here:

http://sexuality.about.com/od/malesexualanatomy/a/morning_erectio.htm

i am a male of 20. i have been going to gy for a while (3 years). after a lot of efforts i succeeded in gaining muscle mass as i ama eggetarian(no flesh) and it prooved harder then i thought. as a source of protein i have been having cheese in adequate amounts and some eggs to but not daily.but this winter i gaines weight around my belly and chest which i hate.the thing is if will try to cut my diet a bit then i may loose my hard earned muscles but i want to loose excess fat without loosing the muscle mass. shoul i continue having the cheese and eggs stuff while i am under the weight control period ar are they too fat increasing in nature that they may make t\my efforts to loose weight gain go in vain. please help me and even with additional tips if u can.

Ok here is the way it goes. First, you will probably lose some muscle during your cut. That is perfectly normal and everyone from casual trainers to high level bodybuilders go through it.

That being said, don't fret, its not a lot and lost strength is regained very quickly once you begin to bulk again.

Do not try to do both at once, you will fail. Set a cutting period and make sure you have a daily calorie deficit. Then, once you have reached your target body fat level, switch to a calorie surplus and start bulking again.

In terms of what to eat, cheese is rarely a good thing, whether you are bulking or cutting, unless we are talking about low fat cottage cheese. Eggs are fine in moderation, but cheese typically does not have very high quality protein (in terms of the ratio of essential to non essential amino acids) and way too high fat content.

I was a similar vegetarian for years (I knew it as lacto ovo vegetarianism, where you eat milk products and eggs), so I do have some experience with this. The thing is, your primary sources of protein cannot be products that have a high fat ratio, and certainly not those that have a high saturated fat ratio. Fatty animal products are high in saturated fats primarily.

So, here are some good sources of protein from animal products:

Cottage cheese (low fat), skim milk, egg whites (these you can eat as many as you want), low fat yoghurt, and (obviously) protein powders.

Vegetarian options such as soy, beans, etc are of course also good sources.

So, to sum up. If your cheese is fatty, cut it. Eggs you can eat in moderation, egg whites as often as you need. The cleaner your diet the better your results.

Keep working out, and be prepared psychologically for the possibility to see your weights drop a little. If they drop a lot you are cutting too hard. Remind yourself that this is temporary and easily regained. Once you start bulking again, eat a steady calorie surplus but keep the diet fairly clean except for the occasional indulgence. That way you will not gain very much fat.

Good luck.

i stink at cooking. how do i not stink???

First you have to learn some basics, and then its a matter of getting some practice. The easiest way to do that (as the person below said) is to follow recipes. Eventually you will get the idea and be able to cook more intuitively.

If you can get your hands on a cookbook that would be great. Otherwise you have tons of stuff online. Just pick a type of food and go with it. Italian cooking is generally loved by most people, so that might be a good place to start. Also, you can find a lot of recipes that are both very tasty and not very hard to do.

Good luck.

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>