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how do i deal with my bf's ex?
18 Female,
Okay so I've been with my boyfriend since the start of march & so far so good...BUT he and his ex are still friends. I understand he can't just not talk to her ever again because they dated for like 4 years but her flirting with him & text msgs asking to stay at his house, Im getting upset over it. Im not the type to get angry and start a fight, I usually get upset & become quiet so Im not going to argue with my boyfriend about it. But i obviously need to deal with the fact that they're going to be friends.
He says theres nothing going on between them anymore, & that he's friends with all his ex's and they don't do anything except be friends. He told me he won't go back to his recent ex(the one i have a problem with) because she constantly pissed him off for like the last 1 yr of their relationship and they always fought to the point where he couldnt handle it anymore & that she's said she'll change so many times that he doesnt believe her anymore so yeah.
Can anyone give me suggestions on how to deal with them being friends?
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I agree with Alin. You know, if he is your age, and he dated this ex for 4 years, there probably aren't a lot of ex's around for him to be friends with.
He does need to be the one to deal with this. He needs to tell the ex no more texting, no more flirting. He cannot be emotionally involved with this girl and carry on a serious relationship with you. He is leading her on by doing so and not giving you his undivided attention.
If it continues, your relationship with him doesn't stand a chance. Have a serious talk with him and don't take he is just friends with her for an answer. Thats how you deal with that.
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you have the right to be upset because this girl is like skanking around with your guy but you should trust him and if he says that nothing is going on then just look at the way he treats her and you'll know if he flirts back [which he probably wont]
it sounds like this girl is trying to "mark her territory" again so what i would do is take control of the situation.
*when you see them together go up to him, be nice to her but hug him, and a little kiss wouldnt hurt ;)....you can do it
boyycrazy :]
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Yikes Girl...
First off, Whenever the "ex" is involved it is usually never a good sign. If he was truely over her than he wouldn't need to have any contact with her whatsoever. I dated my exboyfriend for 5 years and once it was over it was over and I cut all contact. If he was truely in love with you than you should be enough for him. I think you need to sit him down and have a talk, It's her or you and that's it. You have every right to be angry, Personally I would be too if I was in that situation. If he continues to talk to her and text her than I don't think he's worth your time.
-BahaiMa22
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The thing is she shouldn't have to take a hint. Your boyfriend is the one that must confront her with this, and he must explain to her in no uncertain terms that this behaviour is unacceptable.
I dont' actually think that you should be the one to confront her. I am by no means an expert at this stuff, but that is my opinion. I think your boyfriend is the one that has that responsibility.
You should definitely talk to your boyfriend and explain to him that this bothers you very much. Then ask him to be more direct with his ex. You are not being unreasonable at all by making this request, and he should have no problem with it.
The bottom line as I see it, is that his ex must understand that she can have him only as a friend or not at all. The sooner she realises this, the better it will be for everybody.
Once that is done, dealing with the friendship will be much easier for you.
Good luck.
Edit: I seemed to have overlapped with the new answer below... oh well, at least we agree :)
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First, take this up with your BOYFRIEND, not her. It's a horrible thing to be the crazy jealous girlfriend. Not saying that you are but that is what you will be seen as if you take this up with her.
Tell your boyfriend that it definitely isn't okay for his ex to be texting him asking him to come over. And that is a major problem with you regardless if he flirts back. You have to tell him exactly how you feel about it and that he's need to handle it.
Hope I helped some.
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Well, they did date for 4 yrs. That's a long time. But that's not an excuse for her to still be flirting and asking to stay over. You sound like an unconfrontational person, like myself, but if he won't say anything to her, maybe you should. I don't know if you actually know her, too, but if her not being over him bugs you, and she can't take the hint that it's over between her and your boyfriend, then you should give her some hints of your own. Now, I'm not telling you to go start a fight with some girl over a boy...you're 18, and adult. Let her know that it bothers you in a mature, grown up way.
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