Brandi_S's advice column | Page 159

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Female

Location:

Kansas

Occupation:

House wife, Mother, Local Loon

Age:

35

Member Since:

July 15, 2006

Answers:

3333

Last Update:

March 11, 2013

Visitors:

125101

Favorite Columnists

hitler_the_goat

about

I'm a mother of 2 boys who are 13 months apart. Talk about a handful. I'm a wife to the best husband I could have ever dreamed of.
I'm one of the very blessed.

I have Bipolar 1 Disorder. I hate taking all these medications and always going to doctors appointments, but life is too short to let mental illness get the better of me.

Often times life is a challenge, and nobody knows that better than me. I wake up wondering if this is going to be a day my illness overpowers my meds, and either sends me flying like a bat out of hell, or leaves me laying on the couch like a wet dish rag.

Thank all that is good in the world that I have an excellent support system at home.
I'm one of the lucky ones.

I'm honest, and that can either be a perk or s flaw. Depends on how you choose to look at it.
I like to see it as a perk, because it's better to hear the truth than to be told candy coated bullshit.

advice

I posted another question a few days ago about my Dad. But, for I think four or five years, I've been praying that my Dad would stop yelling. My mom has been praying since the day I was born that he would stop. He cusses, screams, you name it at me and my family. I can't take it. I'm crying typing this. I thought God answered all prayers. Why can't he answer this one?

I don't believe your mom's and your prayers have gone unheard, that is for sure.
My opinion on the spirituality part of your question? I believe god answers all prayers, but not necessarily in the way you would think or exactly want.
Maybe he has answered your prayers in the fact that he is trying to make you a stronger person. I think he likes to test us in this life to see if we are worthy of the life beyond.
I know you realize how hurtful your dad can be, and maybe the answer to your prayer is that you have learned a life lesson from that and choose to be better than that in this life. That will be your strength.
My opinion on the reality part of your situation? You should never put up with abuse from anyone. God never intended for you to be abused verbally, mentally, or physically.
Do you attend a church? If so, have you discussed your problems with your church leader? (pastor, priest, etc.) You can talk to them and it would be kept private. They cannot tell anyone what you talk about.
If you haven't talked to them, do it. They know you, and they can advise you as to what would be the best thing for you to do in your special situation. That is a part of their job.

im really in to witch craft so i was readding this thing about this girl who did a love spell on this guy i think it was called "Chicken soup" where you plant a flower and you give it this type of soup (i dont know if its chicken) but i cant find it find it does any body know about that spell thanx

I'm not the most knowledgeable on this subject, but I do find interest in all sorts of religions and I have read a bit on Wicca.
So far as I know, you are NEVER supposed to place a spell on anyone without their knowledge and approval. To do such a spell without their consent be like raping a person's mind to change their feelings. Very bad choice.
I know I didn't answer your question, but I just want to make sure you don't do something that wouldn't be wise to do.
Ever seen the movie "The Craft"? If not, watch; learn. Yah, the part where she puts a love spell on the guy? She realized in the long run what a big, bad mistake that was.
Though movies aren't reality, it basically proves how wrong it is to do something like that to someone... and how bad of a mistake that can be.
My advice? Don't dabble in that which you don't fully understand and hold the UPMOST knowledge of.

you know when you want to make your hair longer and people say to trim it? how does that make it longer? i know it gets rid of split ends but hair grows from the scalp, not on the ends of the hair... that doesn't make sense that you have to trim it to make it longer. can anyone tell me how this makes hair longer?

It doesn't make your hair longer. It prevents your hair from splitting and breaking. Hair can break off and become a little shorter over time. Trimming keeps your hair looking healthy.
I have tried many a thing, and have never come across anything that will make my hair grow longer.
I've stated it several times before: On average, human hair grows 1/4" per month. No miracle treatment I have ever heard of (and tried myself) has ever worked.

for a while now,i've had 2 masks(the way i act towards other people). one mask - my friends in the city i was born. two- the town i moved to.
really,im the first one. its the real me. but im too afraid to show it in my new town and towards the people there. really though,im SICK of hiding. i dont give a $^*% anymore. but if i dont then why am i afraid? how can i show my true self without them thinking im a fake? ps- the friends in my new town are only kinda- friends...its not like im going to have sleepovers or anything,but i really want that,how can i show myself with them still likeing me?

Honey, you only have one mask. The real you isn't a mask, the false you is. Be yourself. I promise there is nobody in the world better to be.

You are only being a fake when you are pretending to be something you aren't, not when you are being who you really are.

The best way to find out if your kinda friends show promise of being worthy enough to call real friends, is to let them know "Hey, this is who I really am, like it or don't."

If they flake out and don't want to be friends anymore, they weren't wanting to be a real friend in the first place.

If they still want to be friends, just explain you felt intimidated and unsure of yourself and you just wanted to fit in and make friends. A real friend will understand.

I went to a small school in a small town. Everyone tried to be like each other. To me, when a new student came to school, it was a refreshing drink of water just to know someone different is there.

can someone tell me what a hopeless romantic is? thanks

I think a hopeless romantic is someone who finds great pleasure in how love makes them feel. Everything contains some sort of romantic quality, and they love to be in love. They basically swoon at the idea of love, affection, and romance. They even find happiness in other people's love.
I have a friend who is that way, and I don't think it is a bad thing at all. The world can always use more lovers and people who like the idea of love.

how can u make your hair grow faster?

As a general rule, there isn't anything I have ever heard of that would make your hair grow faster that actually works. At least they never worked for me. Believe me, I've tried about every remedy you can imagine.
On average, human hair grows about 1/4" per month. Some are lucky and their hair grows faster, but not much faster.
Trimming your hair doesn't make it grow faster, but does keep the ends from splitting and breaking off, which will make your hair shorter over time.

what does 'electric barbarella' refer to in the duran duran song by the same name?

thanks

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electric_Barbarella#About_the_song

Click on this link. It gives you all the information you seek.

I've had my permit for a month, I'm a pretty good driver except for a few things I need to work on. One thing I need help with is, at a stop...when the light turns green I press on the gas and it makes a really loud noise like I'm about to go 100 mph. But the thing is I lightly tap it, so whats the problem? Also how do I break without having the whole car/the people in it go forward? I try to break early but then I get yelled at for it. Thanks to everyone that helps :]

As for when you press on the gas, there may be something wrong with the car. That sounds abnormal to me that your car should make such a sound.

First off, ask the owner of the car about that. They should be able to answer that question because they are familiar with the vehicle.

Second off, if it is something mechanical, the car should be taken to a garage for professional advice. You don't want to learn to drive in an unsafe automobile, and I'm not qualified to tell you if it is safe or not.

As for when you are braking, the problem there is a stop should be gradual. Meaning, don't cram on the brakes all at once, lay on them easily without braking too soon.

Something you will have to learn is how to judge when to start to apply the brakes, depending on how fast you are traveling down the road in relation to when you have to stop.

Cramming down on the brakes isn't safe, and generally is only done in the event of needing to stop quickly in an emergency.

Since you have a permit and are in a learning phase of driving, a licenced adult must accompany you. If you have any questions, they should be experienced enough to answer them in a fashion that you understand.

Most importantly, don't get too flustered when you are driving. Especially during the learning period.

Remember- you are learning how to control a half of a ton of metal down the road in a safe manner. You are also learning the rules of the road, which you should ALWAYS obey. Just stay calm and do your best at all times.

You will get better through time. It takes a lot of practice.

Happy learning and safe driving always :)

i dont see why when we give people advice that they dont want to hear, they rate us low. i think that we deserve better than that because we took time out of our lives to try to help them. why give us 1's for fairly good answers that arnt what you expected? does anyone have an opinion on this?!

-WoahThereBabe ♥

http://www.advicenators.com/column.php?u=ygsgirl

Here is the link to my column. On it I have stated my full opinion on what makes me angry about ratings. Read it if you so choose.
I completely agree with you. My mom has been on here a long time and is a level II moderator. From what I gather from her explanation, a deserved rating of 1 is for someone who's advice or comments are so bad they hold a possibility of being banned. Therefore, a 1 rating is most often an unfair rating.
If you receive a rating you feel undeserving of, file an abuse report so the big wigs can check it out.
Don't let such a low rating put a mark on your record because you didn't tell someone what they wanted to hear.
The way I see it, they ask for our honest opinion, and that is what they shall receive, like it or not.

i made a mistake in having sex for the first time without a condom. it wasnt for that long and im not even sure if "it" was in me. im sure it would have hurt if it was. but someone was joking around with my boyfriend saying that the slippery stuff.. (not cum, the stuff that helps it slide in) can get you pregnant. and we dont know if he was serious or just trying to scare him. but its starting to scare me. so can i get pregnant from it? it was my first time and it only lasted like 10 seconds. :[ however im still really scared. another one of my friends said it couldnt so now i dont know what to think. please help.

So far as I am aware, the stuff you are talking about, pre-cum, can contain sperm, just not near much as semen. But it only takes one to do the trick.
He may or may not have managed to get it inside, but if he came anywhere near your vagina, you hold possibility of becoming pregnant. When it comes to sperm, those little devils are strong swimmers.
The best thing I can tell you to do is wait and see if you miss your period. If you become two weeks late, then you might want to be concerned.
My advice really sucks though. If you don't want the astronomically huge responsibility of having a child yet, don't have sex.
No birth control method is 100% outside of no sex.

I burned myself on one of those mini-ovens while heating up some pizza. It hurt a lot at first, but went away after a few seconds. Now (about 1 and a half hours later), it's sort of throbbing and hurts. Any advice?

Tinkerbell isn't a no nothing... mustard does help to relieve the pain of minor burns. I thought it sounded weird when I heard about it, too.
I tried it myself when I burnt the top of my hand pulling a pie out of the oven. At first it feels cool on the burn, and when it dries, the pain of the burn is only a fraction of what it felt like without it. (You leave it on when it dries.)
All of the creams and ointments are fine too. They may work better. But I guarantee that when you burn your hand, have none of these remedies, and the store is a ways away, mustard is a fine choice.
Of course, as someone else said, it is a bad idea to use ice or cold water because it will only make it hurt worse.

ok....so i wanna quit cheerleading! how do i tell my coach..i want to quit because im getting a job soon..and i wanna work on my school work (because my grades are dippn)...also what do i have to give her??(besides my uniform)

Tell your coach the truth. She will understand. I'm sure she will respect the fact that you are obviously responsible enough to do what is really important in this life.

She realizes cheer leading is fun and all, but she also realizes that having good grades is what will get you somewhere in this life. Getting a job and learning that responsibility is also something to prepare you for the real world outside of school.

She will surely be proud of the mature decisions you are making for yourself.

As for what you need to give her? Not sure. Take everything with you, and ask her what belongs to you and what items you rented from the school.

i have an appointment to get some and i was wondering if i could still get pregnant and if i gain alot of weight ???

There is no birth control method in the world that is 100%, outside of not having sex at all.

Yes, most birth controls do have weight gain as a possible side effect. I don't think it's usually too bad. For example, Depo Provera on average causes 5 pounds of possible weight gain in a year's time.
Remember, that is POSSIBLE. It always varies from person to person.

What's a cunt?

Well, it is a very bad word for vagina.

How young is too young to have sex. Im 16/f and i just had sex for the first time a couple of days ago.

Well, to put it bluntly, you are too young to have sex if you are too young to be a responsible adult and raise a child the way it deserves to be raised.

Such as, working all the time, being broke all the time, never being able to do anything, and not having time for your friends.

Not being able to sleep, eat, bathe, or talk on the phone.

You no longer have a personal life. Your life revolves around a child. Period.

Not being able to keep on a clean shirt, because babies are messy when they eat, especially when they spit up on your shoulder, down your back and into your cleavage.

Then it really sucks when you think you are old enough, but lo and behold, baby's daddy decides he isn't, and you have to go it alone.

That means you may have to drop out of school to support your baby and scrape by to feed yourself because you have to pay daycare.

You are hungry. Supper is burning to a cinder, the baby is crying at top volume because it's starving and has the stinkiest diaper known to mankind, the phone is ringing (probably a bill collector), and someone is pounding on the door. And guess what? This is all happening at the exact same moment... what you going to do first?

This is on a normal day. Imagine what it's like when the baby is sick. Imagine what it's like when it cuts teeth. Scary, isn't it?

This takes a fully mature, fully ready, fully dedicated person. To be a mother is a full time job. You don't get paid for it, it gets VERY hectic and stressful. The hours are 24/7. And I will say it again with a BIG promise and guarantee that YOU WILL HAVE NO LIFE. Some one who isn't too young for said responsibilities will do them happily and lovingly and never resent their child for their lost life.

Oh, how the list of horrors could go on and on and get scarier and scarier... But guess what, my dear? This is the truth. This is what is reality.

No birth control method in the world is 100%.

Are you too young for this?

- I do not have texting on my verizon phone.
- I heard that verizon-to-verizon texts were free...
- I recntly found out that is not true if you don't buy a certain plan.
- My father pays for my phone bill, and he will FREAK out when he gets it for this month.
- I am VERY worried though. My parents are strict, & I mean VERY strict. & I have been texting this boy.

My questions are the following:
1. Can my dad read what I have sent?
2. If so, is there any way of me changing that?
3. Does it show who I've been texting or just the number?
4. How can I block any incoming or outgoing texting; I guess take it off my phone?

PLEASE HELP. Thanks

1. No he can't read it.
2. The only one who can change anything about your phone is the person who pays the bill. Meaning, if your phone is in his name, only he can change things.
3. It should only list phone numbers of the text messages received or that you sent to.
4. So far as I know, the only way to totally block text messages to and from your phone is to have the feature removed from your phone plan. I don't know if that can actually be done. The only one who can do that is the person who's name the phone is under.

I have a very random question to ask everyone. When you read the word advicenators in your head (or speak it out loud) how do you pronounce it? I pronounce it advice-in-ate-ors. I've been apart of this site almost 3 years and never new if that's how it's actually said. It probably is, but for anyone who pronounces it differently, how do you say it? I know it's probably one of the oddest questions you've seen on the site, but at least I'm not asking if I'm ready for sex although I've only been dating the guy for two days or something equally annoying and somewhat common. =D Thanks in advance for answers!
-- S_C --

Well, don't know where you are from, but I'm from Kansas. I guess my dialect on it is kind of different, so I say advice-in-ate-ers. My mom is on this site too, and that is also how she says it, also.
Don't know if this is quite the answer you are looking for, but I guess it's kind of a different pronunciation.

Hey, I had to answer. I like unique questions. :)

This is also for people 30 and above. Do you think your friends, relatives (mothers, father, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, etc) remember what you looked like (if you were thin, fat, your hair was frizzy/straight, etc) when you were in your teens, or 20's and above. Or your friends, relatives (mothers, father, sisters, brothers,
aunts, uncles, etc) only know what you look like now. And why do you feel this way.

Yah, me again. Not quite 30, but I will still give you an answer that I see as being educated enough.
Of course, I think anyone who cares about me remembers what I looked like in the past. Probably not so much down to having frizzy hair, or that big red pimple that kept showing up on my forehead, but they do remember your basic looks.
That is because, I believe, they care about you and cherish memories in the past were you were involved. It's hard to forget some one's basic looks in the past when they are, and have been, special to you.

This is just a curiosity question for anyone over 30. Do you care what you looked like when you were a teenager, or in your 20's (such as if you fat, thin, or your hairstyle and clothes were awful) or do you only care about what you look like now? And why do you feel this way. Thanks

Well, I'm not over 30, but rolling closer to that age by the minute. Rolling up on 29.
Sure I care about how I looked as a teenager. Hee-hee-hee... black hair, blonde hair, orange hair, blue hair, green hair, pink hair. It was jaw length on top and the bottom half of my hair was shaved off.
Yah, there was the phase I went through of wearing all black head to toe. Almost always wore black boots. No matter what the phase.
I went to a very small school. Everyone wanted to look the same. Not I, said the duck. I went to any extreme I could to prove I was a unique individual and not a blurred face in a crowd.
I dare to be different. Then and now.
What would be the point if I should try to look like Paris Hilton, or Lindsey Lohan, or whichever famous chick is hip on the scene right now? (I don't keep up with that kind of stuff, frankly.) The way I see it, and always have, is that Paris is Paris, and ygsgirl is ygsgirl. Personally, I like being me more. I don't want to be, act, dress, look, walk, or talk like anyone else.
The way I was as a teen molded the woman I am today. Bold, honest, and an individual.

QUESTION ONE: If someone says to you that you look drawn (tired, haggard, etc) for example on Saturday, August 25th (your first day of your vacation) and then a week later they tell you you no longer look drawn (tired, haggard, etc), but you now look good because it was at the end of your vacation would you accept the fact that they no longer think you look drawn (tired, haggard, etc) or would you still think about what they said to you a week ago that you look drawn (tired, haggard, etc)

QUESTION 2: Isnt it true that if someone is thin and they look drawn (tird, haggard,gaunt) they willlook even thinner?

Question 1: I would think that it is amazing what a good vacation can do for someone who is tired. I wouldn't worry about what they said a week ago.

Question 2: I don't know if it would make one look thinner to be so drawn, but it can make you look unhealthy.

I know I have answered your questions before.

My concern? That you may have some serious issues with your self esteem, your self image, your self worth. I notice you worry a lot about what other people say to you. You dwell on things to the point where you just stew on them. Hey, we all do. I know I sure do. I have to stop myself from doing that in order to keep from becoming a basket case with worry.

My advice? When someone says something to you that you dwell over, take a deep breath. Then take it at face value. It is that person's opinion, and nothing more. Try to let it roll off your back. It's hard to do, I know. But you are worth your trouble to work at it.

So you may look drawn- all this worry you harbor over other's comments causes that.

So you may be thin- who cares what anyone else says. Are you happy with you? That's all that matters. Not your friends, co-workers, mother, cousins, neighbors, etc.

What people say to you isn't usually said with hurtful intent. Maybe they are just making conversation. Maybe they are just worried about you. Maybe they are trying to help. Whatever the case may be, I don't think they say it to make you stew over it.

They are only words and comments.

Like I said, take things people say to you at face value. An opinion is just an opinion- just like mine.

You worry too much. Life is too short for that. Try to eliminate those worries and fill the space with something positive. You will be a much happier person in this world. You deserve to be happy too.

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>