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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
I am in summers school. I'm not in summer school for failing or being dumb or nothing like that. Im going to be a junior next year and I decided to go to summer school to take senior classes, so I wont have to take them when I become a senior. Its some program that my school has. A teacher that I have a crush is teaching a class. He knows that I have a crush on him and he jokes around and calls me his girlfriend and puts his arm around me. I think hes just playing and he tells other people that hes just playing. One day he called me his girlfriend in the front office in front of the counselor and the principle and they didn't say anything, the counselor just laughed. Ok, during our little lunch break everyone was in the cafeteria and I was talking in the hallway with one of my friends. My teacher asked me could I take something to the office for him and I went in his class to go get it. He gave me some papers and put is arm around my shoulders and kissed me on the forehead. Is that wrong?
The Answer
Yes. He's crossed the line from joking to inappropriate physical contact.
I'm sure you don't want to get him into trouble, but even if you don't report him, you can turn to him and say "Remember when you kissed my forehead. That made me really uncomfortable, please don't."
And you should. You should because he is taking stupid risks with his job when he does dumb things like that. You should because he crossed the line and should be told so. And you should because the next girl he teases like this might report him if someone doesn't point out to him it's not okay.
A crush is fine, and never your fault, but when your teacher kissed you on the head, he did a dumb, unfair and wrong thing.
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The Question
My fiance and I joined a gym about 2 years ago. We went for a year, then decided to trim it out of our budgets because $80 a month for the two of us was a little steep. We received a letter notifying us that we had 30 days to cancel in person or we would have our membership automatically renewed for another year. My fiance (whose name both memberships were under for credit purposes) was, at the time, away on military training, and unable to make it in to the gym. He called and asked if he could cancel over the phone because of his circumstances. They said it wouldn't be a problem, and that they'd take care of it.
Fast forward a few months, and we're still paying. We call, he talks to the manager, manager apologizes and tells him that our overpayment will be refunded and that our membership will be cancelled. Good enough.
Fast forward ANOTHER few months, and we have now been paying for this gym membership for the last 8 months, even though we've called to get it cancelled about 2 dozen times. Every time the manager isn't in (only works select weekdays during business hours. We tried to e-mail the head office, but received no response. We called the head office yesterday, and they said they wouldn't have any records of our phone calls, and that they'd have to talk to the manager of the branch (who of course wasn't in). After all this, I checked our bank balance again today and they charged us ANOTHER bi-monthly payment AFTER our phone call, even though she told us our membership had been cancelled!
I am furious and frustrated. We're out about $900 because of this, and we're both students. We haven't cancelled the automatic withdrawal, because we're worried that his credit will take a hit if we don't make payments.
What is our recourse if the gym decides they don't want to refund our money? There are apparently no recordings of the phone calls (because we're naive, and gave them the benefit of the doubt) and the manager can easily just lie. We can't afford a lawyer to take them to small claims court.
Please tell me there's some hope for us.
The Answer
How much hope there is depends a great deal on what state or country you live in.
As you mention, stopping payments it pretty much your best option, and yes, it might affect the credit rating.
You don't need a lawyer to go to small claims court in most places; you can just go as a private citizen but how much success you’ll have depends on the rules in your area. You'll need to Google them, or ask the Better Business Bureau or Consumer Protection Agency in your area that deals with gyms and sports clubs. Goggling the company you are having a problem with might also give you some guidance on how people with similar problems have been able to solve them.
It all depends on the rules in the place where you live, so you'll need to find those out first. Despite the trouble it might cause, I'd still advise you to stop payment on the withdrawals. If the gym runs this scam regularly, they probably won’t continue to come after you at that point.
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The Question
I met this guy, Kory, about a year ago. We hit it off quick, but later I found out he had a girlfriend the entire time we were seeing eachother.
We've worked hard to get to the point we're at now, where we can have a friendship, because everytime we've tried in the past he's made it impossible by bringing feelings into it.
Now, I'm dating this guy named Matt. He's great. But Kory, who's also friends with Matt, had a problem with us dating. He say's he's too controling for me,and too needy. He also threatens to kick Matt's ass if he ever hurts me, physically, or emotionaly.
It seems like he really does care, and he's told me he still has feelings for me saying:
"I'm not saying I want to date you, but I still do have feelings for you".
Everybody we're both friends with tells me he still cares about me and likes me, and always talks about me.
Typically he dates picture perfect girls who let him do what he wants, and walk all over them. Me, I'm not the type to let anybody walk over me. So why am I different?
What do I think? Why is this boy who cares about nobody,and nothing twisting my brain like this?
The Answer
Kory is a manipulative jackass. Likely a narcissist.
He might care about you a bit, but he definitely cares about getting attention.
A guy who insults and threatens your boyfriend, uses you to cheat on someone else and struggles to maintain a respectful friendship is not someone who cares about you – that is someone who is trying to control you.
Everything you mention here, from the cheating, to the ‘interfering feelings’ to insulting the boyfriend and showing interest is attention seeking and bullying.
The only reason you are different than the girls he treats like crap is because you stand up for yourself and put up boundaries. That means he has to work harder, and be more creative, to keep you paying attention to him. Attention-seekers need to be constantly proving to themselves that they are center of the universe. Girls who treat him like the center of the universe will get boring fast and he'll need more evidence from someone else. A girl who treats him like a friend is someone he needs try harder to convince.
As long as you remain this guy’s friend, he will continue to come up with new exciting ways to make you pay attention to him. This is the kind of person who might invent drama by doing risky things (or pretending to do risky things) to make you worry about them.
So, stop worrying about what Kory is doing. It's very unlikely that Kory's behaviour is coming from a caring place and very likely that it's coming from a very selfish place. Ignore it, and move on with your life, and when he finally learns that he isn't going to get what he wants from you, then you MIGHT be able to have a real friendship not one that is all about him trying to manipulate you.
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The Question
You know when you have a baby, I was wondering what traits they get, like hair, eyes ect. from the partners. So far my mom tells me that the guys jeans are more dominate than the girls, is that really true? =O
The Answer
Nopes.
Both genders can carry the same amount of dominate and recessive genes. It doesn't matter if the gene came from the female or the male, only if the gene is dominant or recessive.
Every animal with two sexes gets 50% of their genes from their mother and 50% from their father. If one of their parents gives the child a dominant gene (like the gene for brown eyes or B) and the other gives a recessive gene (green eyes or g) the child will have the gene Bg, and will have brown eyes. The gene for green eyes is still there, but brown eyes is what you see.
It doesn't matter who the genes come from.
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The Question
im 13 (not on the pill btw) and my bf and i didnt have a condom so we didnt do it. butttt he did stick it in me as far as he could with JUST his briefs on... and he didnt cum but he had earlier tht day in his briefs. could sperm have gotten through the briefs and gotten me pregnant anyway????? im desperate to know!! and if we actually did have sex and used a condom+he pulled out+it only lasted like 10 min, am I safe???
The Answer
Nothing is 100% safe. Even using a condom, and having him pull out has some risk, but it's smaller that way.
It's pretty much impossible you could get pregnant through clothing the way you described. Sperm isn't smart. It just goes vaguely forward when there is a liquid it can move through. It's also dead by the time it dries. So dried sperm from earlier that day is no threat. Pre-cum can have a tiny, little bit of sperm in it, but even still, it may as well be impossible for it to find its way through a maze of fabric and inside you. The risk does exist, but it's very small right now.
If you are going to keep playing these games with your boyfriend, and walking so close to this line, you MUST go get yourselves some condoms at very least AND learn how to use them properly. This sort of behaviour gets risky FAST.
Remember: Nothing is 100% safe. If you aren't okay with that, you aren't ready to have sex. If you can't talk to your doctor about having sex, you aren't ready to have sex. If you can't get trustworthy condoms and use them correctly, you aren't ready to have sex.
Make sure you are ready, and then take the best precautions you can.
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The Question
I am 19 and have had sex with seven people. I regret my past, and I have never seen myself as a whore or a slut, but that is probably because I waited until I was 18 and a half to lose my virginity. And that is what makes it all worse, is that I had sex with so many people in such a short amount of time.
Would you consider this slutty? Or would you think I'm gross?
Again this is my past, I finally found a guy, and I am sticking to him for a long time. And even if he breaks my heart like the first one did, I know better now than to go on a sex rampage.
The Answer
You're awesome.
I went on a sex rampage of a sorts after a really bad break up at 20 years old. In hindsight, it was a bad idea, but it also taught me a lot about other people, what I want in relationships and sex, and what 'good sex' is to me.
So, although I'm glad I got through all of that clean, with no scares and mostly good respect and friendships all around, I wouldn't do it again.
So, you're awesome. You made a mistake, you handled it, and you move forward with more sense and self awareness then before. That's not slutty or gross. That's awesome. That's a huge life-time win for you.
Let the guilt go and pat yourself on the back.
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The Question
I have a girlfriend, we have our problems, but I try to stick through it.
I met another girl online, nowhere near me, started chatting, no detail about our lives, occasional cybering because we both are kinda lacking in sex as of late.
Problem is, the girl online has been burned before, and I want to just take it to being friends without hurting her feelings, and I want to not cause this girl to feel burned again.
Yes, I was wrong. Yes, I made a mistake. Right now, I'm trying to fix everything, so please, spare me the usual speech about the wrong I did and help me to at least fix things so that I can make things right.
Male, 27
The Answer
You can't control someone else's feelings.
Unfortunately, one of the primary reasons what you did was 'wrong' is that it was practically guaranteed to hurt someone else at some point. That inevitability is now what you are facing.
Just be honest. You live no where near one another, and she knows you have a girlfriend.
You can't control how she feels. If she feels burned by her long-distance, cyber buddy who has a girlfriend, you can't really change that for her. That's her damage and you can't fix it. The best thing you can do is stop adding to it, by telling her honestly "I still want to be your friend, but this part of our friendship cannot continue."
It will be a long time before you have any chance of making this right and you'll have to say No, nicely, many times. Fixing it is a nobel goal, but it's a long way away. For now, just start by stopping doing the wrong thing, and being honest with her.
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The Question
Razhie,
Would you mind if I start a thread on my column with contents that hold similar ideas to your "Answers I Never Hit 'Submit Answer' on" thread?
Of course the questions are going to be different, though there might be a few overlapped. I've been playing with this idea for a while but today, after seeing this question, I thought, "That does it!" And . . . you know, just have to make a thread now.
Here's the link to the question, in case you are interested: http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=583143
Thank you,
. . .
The Answer
Of course!
Mine has been neglected anyways but getting it out of my system that way has been fun. Go right ahead. Thanks for asking, you really didn't need too.
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The Question
He flirts. He cares. He tells people he likes me? So, What's the deal? Why won't he ask me out? I Am 13 and a female.
The Answer
Only one way to find out.
Next time he flirts with you turn to him and say
"The flirting is nice and all, but when are you going to ask me out already?"
Or something to that effect.
We can't read minds anymore than you can. Time to pull out the Big Bat of Obviousness and give him a few solid waps with it.
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The Question
I am getting a bit confused here and need some understanding.
The first day of my last period was 6/16/2010 making my ovulation day on or around 6/25. I have a regular 28 days cycle and have always had my period when it was expected.
My partner and me had sex on 7/5/2010, now I am wondering if I could get pregnant since it was on one of my 'safe' days. I am have been reading conflicting reports and I am now very curious. My next period is scheduled for 7/14.
Thank you
The Answer
There is always a risk of pregnancy. No method is perfect.
Using any method can decrease that risk no matter if your chosen method is watching your cycle and having sex when you're not ovulating, or things like the pill and condoms.
No matter what method you use there is always SOME degree of risk.
So is it possible you are pregnant?
Yes. It's possible. It's less likely then it would have been had you been ovulating, but it's still possible to get pregnant on one of your 'safe' days.
Even the very best statistics, from the people who really want you to use the cycle method or standard day method to avoid pregnancy, say it's only about 88% effective. The worse, and more realistic stats are more like 60% effective. Compare that to condoms and birth control, that are 94% or BETTER when used correctly and you'll see that the cycle method is just not the most reliable one out there.
No one can pull a number out of the air, but they'd be lying too you if they didn't say that it IS possible that you could get pregnant this way. It's always possible and the method you have chosen to avoid it is not one of the more reliable ones.
If you are concerned, get a pregnancy test. Maybe you didn't get pregnant this time, but I can only hope you wont trust this method in the future. Unless you don't mind getting pregnant, this is probably not a good method to rely on.
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The Question
does this work?
is it good?
is better then not haveing them at all?
can you get hurt?
how does it work?
The Answer
I believe friends with benefits can work, but only for adults and only in very certain circumstances.
Friends with benefits can work when two adults, with a pretty good amount of experience with sex and sexual relationships, agree that they do not want to be monogamous or in a relationship, but would like to include sexual activity in the existing friendship.
It doesn't work if either party wants to be a in a relationship and accepts the FWB arrangement instead.
It doesn't work for young people who don't have enough experience in sexual relationships and don't know how to handle all the emotions that sex can stir up and aren't confident in what they want.
Is it good? Well, like any kind of relationship or friendship, it CAN be good, but often it isn't.
It is better then not having them at all?
NO. NO. NO NO. If you are settling for a friends with benefits arrangement when it's not really what you want, but just because it's the only way you can be with someone, that is NOT good. At all. Letting them go is better. Being in a friends with benefits relationship when what you really want is to be committed to someone is like fucking a brick wall. It's painful and meaningless.
Can you get hurt? Again, like in any relationship or friendship, yes, you can get hurt, and in any relationship where sex is involved, those emotions and that pain will only be keener and deeper than otherwise.
How does it work?
For you, it doesn't.
It WILL NOT work if what you really want is this person to be your partner.
Like any relationship, each FWB friendship is a bit different. Some might look more like traditional dating then others. Other FWB might only see each other every few weeks. No one can tell you how a relationship should work.
I can only tell you this:
If you get into this situation, and FWB is not really what you want, it won't work, you will be hurt, and it will not better than getting over them in the first place.
Friends with benefits is only a good idea when it's what both parties want. When one person is just settling or giving in to it, it sucks, it destroys self confidence and friendships, and is a horrible idea.
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The Question
My wife and I were invited to a 50th birthday party for the partner of my daughters mother in law. My daughter is getting divorced from her son very soon. The party is at the mother in laws house. Our daughter was not invited. We have no ill will against the hosts- our granddaughter will be there and we'd love to see her. Is it proper to attend under these circumstances?
The Answer
Talk to your daughter. Not to ask her permission, but to at least hear out her feelings on the matter. She might be just fine with it, or you might have to decide if it's worth her discomfort to attend. At very least, you wouldn't want to surprise her when she hears about it.
If you don't go, do send at least a card and call later to wish them well, so they know there is no ill will.
In my opinion though, you shouldn't make the decision on whether to attend or not without at least hearing how out how your daughter would feel about you going.
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The Question
So, my boyfriend is trying to get a job. He applied to places and I asked him to follow up with some phone calls to the places he applied to. It's worked in the past for me. I actually went in to one place I worked a few times before they considered me. I called and e-mailed the place I'm working now MANY times before I got a call. I just think that it's better than sitting patiently and waiting for an answer. And you can always get a better answer if you make an extra effort. However, he just thinks it's the worst idea ever. We fight about this and I'm second guessing myself. Am I crazy and way too persistent or have other people done this as well? Or are you an employer that has gotten follow up calls? What's your opinions on this?
Thanks
The Answer
There is such a thing as overkill in these situations, and frankly, you went more all out then I ever would.
However, you are right that at least a single follow up call, where you make sure to speak to someone with actual hiring power, is pretty much mandatory.
Dial it back a little and tell your boyfriend you don't expect him to do exactly what you did - you are different people after all - but that following up is an important part of the process, and he's shooting himself in the foot by not at least putting in a bit of effort afterwards.
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The Question
my girlfriend dumped me cause she found out i wear womens underwear, they were not even very girly , yes the were pink but she said real men dont wear them type of things and giggled and walked off, whta shud i do ?
The Answer
Date people who are more open minded in the future, or don't tell them about the underwear.
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The Question
There is a guy down the street, he is over 20 years older than me. I am 16. He is really good looking, funny, cool, calm, and collective. We have the same interests (movies, motorcycles, cars). He sits next to me sometimes at parties. We have had conversations about stuff like Cialis (ED medication, we were joking about it), and once Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe came on and we joked about the subliminal messaging in that title ;). I took his chair once when he went to the bathroom, and when he came back he laughed and totally pretended to sit on me and put his butt all in my face. I laughed back. Everytime he walks his dog, I go outside for some reason, and he talks to me. Once, I had texted him and he never responded. I went outside the same day, and he cut his walk short (he always walks to the same spot, this time he stopped and turned around waaaay before that) and he came and talked to me. He said he got my text and answered my question about motorcycles, then we talked about age and how I was sick of being young because I needed a parent signature on EVERYTHING. He said the government was just protecting me from myself. I laughed. I have a friend who is helping try and get more friendly with him. Me and her are planning on inviting him over tonight to help us looking for bikes online since he knows more about them than we do. I hope we can be flirty. Can you give me some advice? I want to be able to be flirty with him and be on a more than friend, summer fling, level. I know the age difference is illegal and bad, but I'm not talking about sex or anything. A kiss would be nice. Can you help me? He is single and lives alone, two doors down on my street.
The Answer
Depending on where you live, even a kiss could be illegal.
Also, at least consider this:
Would a good, sensible, responsible and respectful man of his age, kiss a sixteen year old?
You might be the best, sexiest, smartest sixteen year old in existence, but do you think a grown man who would kiss you is a nice respectful person? Do you think a grown man who would make the decision to kiss you, not be hoping for, or expecting, more than that kiss?
I'm twenty five. I've dated men a decade older then me, sometimes more. I understand the attraction to older men. But I also know that very few older men of that age desire 'just a kiss'. I also know that many, many older men who are willing to go after MUCH younger women, are actually not as nice as they first seem. The nice ones take a good deal of convincing.
Go ahead and flirt with him. It's fine practice and it might be fun. Go ahead and fantasize, that's normal and healthy. But please, don't kiss him, don't touch him, don't take it any further than fluttering your eye lashes.
If you do, he will either be a good man who kindly and gently rejects you or he will be a bad, irresponsible man, who fails to realize that just because you can look like and act like a women, doesn't mean you are ready to relate to him as an adult woman.
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The Question
I am very familiar to the quote "if you love someone you should let them go," I also know that this is not the first time anyone has heard about this.
I have this guy, who once was my boyfriend. He is very sweet, calm, successful, and he is a political figure, running for state representative right now. We were together a long while. He ended it with me, but still calls and text me. We see each other a lot. I know that he is the one that I am going to grow old with. Is he just afraid of what he want, or afraid to be happy. I know that he loves me but I think that because he is going to be a member of the office, is he afraid that being "out" will ruin his chances... I just don't know what to do anymore! So I guess I am turning to the internet:/
The Answer
If by 'out', you mean out as a homosexual, you should give up on this relationship now. If he begins his political career in the closet, it will only get more and more difficult for him to be honest about who he is.
As the stakes get higher, he is less and less likely to be willing to come out.
Regardless of your orientation, at some point his reasons for not committing to you will stop mattering. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but at some point no matter how good his reason is, it wont be good enough to keep you sitting on your ass waiting.
Maybe he is afraid. Maybe he is being threatened by the mafia. Who knows? Eventually it wont matter why. All that will matter is that he is incapable of giving you what you want in life and love, and unwilling to tell you when he might be capable of it.
You will get around to moving on when you are ready too, but realistically, that the direction you are going in, and the one that will bring you the most happiness. This guy is unlikely to change his mind.
Flip this on it's head for a moment and recognize that it is him who needs to realize he has to let you go, even if he loves you, because he has already said that he doesn't want what you want from life.
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The Question
17/f
i cant orgasm from regular sex, like my boyfriend has to touch my clit. i HATE how i cant orgasm like every other girl in the world. is there a pill or something or somehow something can fix me.
The Answer
Most women can't orgasm from intercourse alone.
The VAST, VAST MAJORITY of women need their clitoris stimulated to reach orgasm. You aren't abnormal or the exception. You are the normal rule. Girls who can orgasm from 'regular sex' alone, are the unusual ones (call them the lucky ones, or, sometimes, the lying ones.)
There is no pill to change this, at least not yet. But seriously, you are perfectly normal. You don't need to be fixed. You need to have fun, experiment with your partner and accept your body.
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The Question
i'm 16/f.
i've been with my current boyfriend for 7 months, and sometimes, i feel that he's too controlling. extremly controlling. and sometimes it get's out of hand. i've never really had a boyfriend, so i don't know if ALL relationships are like this, or if my boyfriend is just a jerk.he alllways ask what i'm doing. which, isnt bad, i can understand that, but he makes me tell him EVERYTHING i'm doing, and everywhere i go. he's constantly keeping tabs on me, and has even had some friends of his watch me at school to make sure i'm not flirting or talking to other guys. if i don't tell him when i leave the house to go somewhere, he gets mad, and starts a fight. if i don't tell him i'm leaving somewhere to go somewhere else, he gets mad, and if i don't tell him i'm home, he will. i can understand him wanting to know what i'm doing, so i'm safe, but i really do feel like it get's out of hand.i'm not allowed to talk to ANY guy. if i do, i have to tell him everything that was said between us. i have to tell him when and if a guy text me, and he starts asking a ton of questions when one does. i'm not allowed to text back, and if i do, it can only be about school, and i cant delete the text. i'm not even allowed to be around a guy, if one's around me, i have to move.he's always telling me what i can and cannot wear. i'm not allowed to wear shorts, or vnecks. if i ever do wear a vneck, or shorts, i have to be around him. it'll be 100 degrees out, and i can't wear shorts, he makes me wear jeans. i have to send him pictures of what i'm wearing, and if i wear something he doesnt like, he gets mad.he wont let me hang out with friends. i havent ever since we started dating, and i'm loosing touch with them. i don't really ever talk to anybody, and if i do, even if it's a girl, he ask what we talk about. if i text anybody else but him, he gets reeaallly mad.he's always talking bad about my friends, saying i shouldnt hang out with him, because their whores. i think that he get's jealous that i want something to do with somebody else besides him. he always talks about how their whores, but he's honestly done tons of worse things than them, their not even sexually active, or anything. so i really dont think he has any room to talk. if i EVER want to go out and do ANYTHING, he tells me no, and threatens to leave me if i go.if he ever gets mad at me, he calls be HORRIBLE names. and sometimes he does stuff that he knows i can get hurt by, like if we're in the car he'll slam on his brakes while i'm trying to get my seatbealt on. he tells me to look at him, and if i dont, he'll grab my face and make me. he even gets controlling about little things, he get's mad if he's not my background picture. things like that. he loves me, i can tell he really does, and he can be the biggest sweetheart sometimes, but i don't know if i'll be able to take any of this much longer. i can sometimes understand why he's like this, he's had his past 3 girlfriends cheat on him.i can go into alot more stuff, but i don't want to make this question too long. soo, are ALL relatoonships like this, or is this really unhealthy? maybe relationships just arent for me?
The Answer
Break up with him. Please. Tonight even?
You are cut out for relationships. Actually, you'll probably be great at them: You are smart, loyal and know what you want. It's your boyfriend who is not equipped to be in a relationship with anyone. Hell, I wouldn't let this guy have a gerbil much less a girlfriend.
He is verbally abusive, controlling and manipulative.
There is no excuse, there is no reason. He is completely and utterly in the wrong.
All relationships are not like this. Only the abusive ones.
End it. End it soon.
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The Question
There is this really hot girl I've been talking to. She told me she's slept with a lot of people. I mean, a lot, like 40 something guys. She's so hot though and, to be frank, she's easy.
I want to have sex. She told me that she'd do it with me next week if I come over to her place while her parents are gone. She has a big pool there and she said she always does it in the pool so that she's clean and STD free. What she was saying was that the chemicals in the pool kill any STDs that somebody might be carrying.
Sounds great but I want to double check this. I'd hate to have to go to the doctor after banging her. Is she telling the truth?
The Answer
It's not true, and no matter what she says, you really shouldn't sleep with her now. She's got some very mucked up ideas about sexual health and safety. There is such a thing as a smart, easy, responsible slut. She's not one of those. She's a bit of a dummy.
You can get STDs while in the pool. You can also get infections caused by the chemicals in the pool. You can get pregnant having sex in the pool. You can weaken a condoms effectiveness by having sex in a pool.
Having sex in a pool is never a really great idea. Having sex in a pool with a partner who doesn't have accurate information about sexual health would be moronic.
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The Question
My girlfriend wants to have sex and I'm totally down for it. She said she has this fantasy thing of doing it in the shower or a pool. Lucky me, we have a pool at my house so both of these options are in play.
Now, I don't want to get her pregnant because that would be a big mess for us. So, I went out and bought a box of condoms today in anticipation that we'll be doing it tomorrow when she comes over to my house. We're both really excited about this. I was thinking about something though...
Can you wear condoms in the shower or in the pool? I mean, can you wear condoms in water? Because I don't want it to break or something and knock her up...
The Answer
I'm sorry to be the one to break it to your girlfriend, but you shouldn't have sex in a pool. Ever.
Pools are full of chemicals and bacteria that should never be shoved deep into the vagina. Having sex in a pool is begging from an infection. Also - condoms are not tested in chlorinated water and are really quite sensitive to temperature. Too warm or too cold in the water could make them very, very likely to break.
Please, don't have sex IN a pool. It's a bad idea. If you want to do BY the pool, make sure both of your genitals are out of the water.
As for sex in the shower - this can be a problem for many people. You should avoid really hot water that might damage the condom, but the water that is there will wash away your girlfriend naturally lubrication as well as any lube on the condom itself. A silicone-based lube will solve this problem.
The other risk with water is that the condom getting stuck inside her... This is less common, but still a real issue with sex in the water.
I hate to be so negative, 'cause obviously it's great and important to entertain your partners fantasies, but sex in the water is riskier than 'normal' sex, especially when you bring condoms into the picture. If you want to give it a try in the shower, just be careful and know there are some risks.
Whatever else you do, please, please don't have sex in a pool.
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