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I need to know what he's thinking, he's driving me crazy.
I met this guy, Kory, about a year ago. We hit it off quick, but later I found out he had a girlfriend the entire time we were seeing eachother.
We've worked hard to get to the point we're at now, where we can have a friendship, because everytime we've tried in the past he's made it impossible by bringing feelings into it.
Now, I'm dating this guy named Matt. He's great. But Kory, who's also friends with Matt, had a problem with us dating. He say's he's too controling for me,and too needy. He also threatens to kick Matt's ass if he ever hurts me, physically, or emotionaly.
It seems like he really does care, and he's told me he still has feelings for me saying:
"I'm not saying I want to date you, but I still do have feelings for you".
Everybody we're both friends with tells me he still cares about me and likes me, and always talks about me.
Typically he dates picture perfect girls who let him do what he wants, and walk all over them. Me, I'm not the type to let anybody walk over me. So why am I different?
What do I think? Why is this boy who cares about nobody,and nothing twisting my brain like this?
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Kory is a manipulative jackass. Likely a narcissist.
He might care about you a bit, but he definitely cares about getting attention.
A guy who insults and threatens your boyfriend, uses you to cheat on someone else and struggles to maintain a respectful friendship is not someone who cares about you – that is someone who is trying to control you.
Everything you mention here, from the cheating, to the ‘interfering feelings’ to insulting the boyfriend and showing interest is attention seeking and bullying.
The only reason you are different than the girls he treats like crap is because you stand up for yourself and put up boundaries. That means he has to work harder, and be more creative, to keep you paying attention to him. Attention-seekers need to be constantly proving to themselves that they are center of the universe. Girls who treat him like the center of the universe will get boring fast and he'll need more evidence from someone else. A girl who treats him like a friend is someone he needs try harder to convince.
As long as you remain this guy’s friend, he will continue to come up with new exciting ways to make you pay attention to him. This is the kind of person who might invent drama by doing risky things (or pretending to do risky things) to make you worry about them.
So, stop worrying about what Kory is doing. It's very unlikely that Kory's behaviour is coming from a caring place and very likely that it's coming from a very selfish place. Ignore it, and move on with your life, and when he finally learns that he isn't going to get what he wants from you, then you MIGHT be able to have a real friendship not one that is all about him trying to manipulate you.
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Well, I can't really tell you what your're thinking. Heh, especially not from a few sentences.
It seems to me that Kory definitely has feelings for you. Whether or not he wants to 'date' doesn't seem like a big deal- since he enjoys spending time with you. What he probably means is that he's not ready to go 'steady', or be with you only. He's playing the field a bit and having some fun. Most guys need to feel that they have done certain things with women, before 'settling down' with the right one. Offering protection from others, including your new boyfriend, is somewhat nice, but can come off as controlling- just make sure his intentions are right.
Interestingly, the fact that he's driving you crazy tells me that you probably have feelings for him- most likely feelings that come from more than a friendship. Also, I can't tell you why you're more confident and/or controlling than the other girls he dates. There are a number of factors that account for that.
One last thing that I'd like to say. As a guy, it's often difficult for me to express how I feel. You have to understand, most guys can speak up but we don't always choose the right words. I hope that makes sense.
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