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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Me- 20/f
Him- 28/m
So my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now, and something has been bugging me a bit. Although I'm in no way ready to get married or anything, he told me he doesn't want to get married till he's 40. 35 at the very earliest. I understand we have a bit of an age difference, but I love him quite a bit. He means alot to me. Do you think it would be dumb of me to wait till he's 40ish years old to be married to him? I've always thought I would get married around 25 so idk if I would just be settling.
He and I both have well paying jobs, and were both finacially so that is not a problem at all.
Its just the waiting g period that is.
The Answer
Do you want to have kids?
It's a pretty important question when it comes what the proper 'marrying age' will be for a couple.
If you plan on having children and building a family together, ask him if he plans on getting married before having children, and then ask him if he really wants to be in his late forties or early fifties when he has a 10 year old? Does he want to be retiring at the same time as sending a kid, or more, through university? How tod you feel about not giving birth until you are in your thirties?
Maybe you aren't planning on a family, but if you are that should be considered in your timeline and gives you some very real issues to discuss with him. If it’s important to you to help support your kids through college – that can be very difficult if he is 65 when they are 25.
However, if you are planning a childless partnership, there is a little less reason to have any timeline other than the one that feels right to you both. If getting married at 40 feels right to him, there is little you can do to change that right now. You can stick it out and hope he changes his mind, or that you convince him otherwise, but that probably isn't the best path.
I'd be a little concerned about a guy who, having a partner he loves and wants to have a family with, would choose to delay childrearing until 40. That's just a bit late from a 'life-planning' point of view in my opinion. I'd also be a bit concerned about a man who doesn't want to get married to the partner he loves and plans on being with, until he was 'over the hill', or maybe it's the exact opposite sort of thing for your guy and he is trying not to have a young 'starter marriage' by delaying the wedding... No way for me to know.
You really only have been dating a year. It's understandable that this concerns you, but you really need to talk it out with him and see what thoughts brought him to this idea and what his visions of his life are.
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The Question
18/f
help! i'm caught in between 2 guys who i both love so much..
here's the story. so i went out with this guy (A) for a year and we were great. but then he broke up with me last spring. Then I started dating a new guy (B) and we have been going out for 3 months. B and I have gotten into a lot of fights lately. and they haven't even been fights about serious things.. its always about really stupid things. like he got mad at me for "bailing" on him when we were supposed to hang out but i felt sick so i went home. we've had so many fights over really ridiculous things, so i broke up with him. Now A wants to get back together with me and he told me that he's really sorry and learned his lesson. he broke up with me because he didnt want a relationship and his feelings toward me changed and he didnt love me as much. but when he broke up with me and dated another girl, he really missed me and thats when he realized he wanted me back.
Here's a brief description of each guy
A- emotional/depressed. has a lot of crap going on in his life. doesn't really have many friends to turn to for support. he didnt really treat me like a queen, like buying me gifts randomly or making me something cute like a sweet text or a love letter. But I care about him sooo unbelievably much.. he always talks about how if he were to disappear, things would be better. but i cry everytime he says something like that because i cant imagine life without him. he's a great guy and i care so much about him. i would fly across the world to see him or swim the arctic ocean for him.
B- super sweet/corny/romantic. he always spoils me and makes me feel really special. he's the first guy who i actually fought in public with (i'm normally a shy girl who doesnt like to argue or yell in public) so i guess thats good? because i got out of my bubble and maybe was more open that way?? instead of shy and hiding my feelings? i'm not sure if thats a good or bad thing. he also makes me feel good. like if i'm crying, he will hold me and i just know that he doesnt care if my makeup is smeared on my face.. he just cares about me. he's really protective over me.. not too overprotective, but i feel safe around him.
also idk if this really matters but my parents know A and his family very well. they work with his parents. so they trust A more than B. for example- they would let me go over to A's house but when i ask to go to B's house they wont let me.
so yeah... i'm torn in between 2 guys.. what do i do? is it better to be with the guy who i've been with for a year and i care a lot about him, but he doesnt really treat me like i'm special? or do i go to the guy who i've been dating for 3 months and really really cares about me and makes me feel special but sometimes complains about what we dont have?
oh last thing.. i feel bad for A. He's been wanting to get back with me for such a long time and he gets his hopes up, but when it wouldnt happen he would get hurt and upset. so i kinda feel like he deserves me more than B because he's been through so much and just wants someone to love him/me. but at the same time i feel like i should go back to B because the only reason we broke up was because he complained too much and he said he would change.. so its like.. who do i go to??
please help me. i'm desperate for advice. this has been going on for about 4 days now and they are both going nuts because they want me to pick someone. I'm probably the most UNselfish person ever.. i always take someones feelings into consideration. dont tell me to pick what makes me happiest or what my heart wants, because either way i'm going to think about another persons feelings and take them into consideration.
I just really dont know what to do. I talked to my bff about this and she just said follow my heart. but I dont know what i want. Please please please voice your opinion. like i said, i'm desperate. THANK YOU!!!
The Answer
A Psychological Tip
Whenever you're called on to make up your mind,
and you're hampered by not having any,
the best way to solve the dilemma, you'll find,
is simply by flipping a penny.
No - not so that chance shall decide the affair
while you're passively standing there moping;
but the moment the penny is up in the air,
you suddenly know what you're hoping.
That's is Piet Hein, brillant and most favourite poet of mine. Not such bad advice.
However, the truth is this hun: If you can't choose between the two of them, then you should NOT be with either of them. If you are honestly unable to make this choice for yourself, either because you don't know which to choose, or because you are afriad of hurting someone's feelings, then you simply aren't ready to be with either of them.
If you don't know your own heart well enough, to know how to follow it and in which direction, then you aren't ready to be sharing that heart to anyone else, and you should stay single.
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The Question
would want to marry?
Title says it, really. Why would God, who knows all about us before He gives us life, let someone who will inevitably, truly, with all their heart want to raise a family be so ugly that no man would want them?
The Answer
If ugly people didn't have sex and make babies, where are all the new ugly people coming from?
I'm only partially kidding.
No one can answer your questions about God. Some people will try, but it's unlikely their answers will satisfy you. God isn't in the habit of justifying the random unpleasantness and injustices of life to human beings. (If God was, I'd hope he might explain why he allows millions of children to starve to death each year, or why create a bug that consumes people's eyes?).
People will tell you some shit about 'You don't get more than you can handle' (tell that to the person who couldn't 'handle' their drug overdose?) or that 'it will make you stronger' (because being strong is more important than being happy?) and that's all nice and good, but the truth is this:
Often, things suck.
Often, situations we are in can make us miserable. Often, we have very little power over our situations.
You can't make things NEVER suck.
You can ALWAYS make things suck less.
How do you make feeling lousy about your appearance suck less? Well, you shower regularly, go to gym, watch what you eat. Also, you smile a lot, you cultivate a generous spirit that others appreciate, a kind sense of humor and an easy laugh.
You don't become a bitter, resentful soul who is a pain to be around. You don't let feeling ugly be your excuse for ugly behavoir.
You change the things you can change: Your attitude, your mind and the way you treat others, and become a person worth being around.
The truth is that even if you DON'T work on yourself and work on being the best person you are capable of being, you will still probably find someone who will sleep with you eventually. Most people do. But you still wont be very happy, and it's unlikely the person you are with will be a very happy person either. You'll pass your unhappiness and belief about your own unworthiness down to your children, and the whole miserable cycle will continue...
If you can't find something to be positive about in the person you are today, then change and make something to be positive about because if you don't, you'll never have anything to be positive about. Neither will anyone else in your life. That is it's own punishment.
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The Question
My girlfriend just broke up with me and we were both really sad. I'm an 18 year old male and she is 18 as well. she is the first girl i've had sex with. a few days after breaking up with me she told me i have to fight with her and talk to her more and we will get back together. i asked her how i'm doing today and she said very good. but she has been really weird lately. she said i can't rush her with these things when i just asked how i'm doing. i love her a lot and she says she loves me too. but it just doesn't seem like she does. i'm getting more sad and more sad everyday and idk what to do.
The Answer
So you have to talk to her more? Fight with her? Pay lots of attention to her and basically be available to her BUT you can't rush her?
You should be sad. That arrangement sucks the big one. It's almost completely impossible that the two of you will get back together and be happy like this.
So what do you do? You do the really hard thing and tell her that if she wants to WORK on the relationship, to make it work in the future for the both of you, you have to be together to do that. You can't work on relationship that doesn't exist. You can't be broken up, and trying to mend your relationship. It doesn't work like that.
If she doesn't want to be together and work on your relationship, that's fine. She owes it to you to tell you that honestly, and for you to be broken up. Truly broken up. Not just 'broken up until you worship me constantly and I might take you back, maybe.'
Then you do the really tough work of being broken up, of not really talking, of crying it out and feeling like shit and dealing with one of the first, worst break ups you'll ever have.
It's not simple, it's not easy and it's not even very hopefully, but it's where you are right now. You'll get through it, just be honest about what you want, and don't wait forever for support and compromise that isn't coming.
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The Question
So, I'm not officially diagnosed. My referral for a psychiatrist is still running in but for a while now I've been goign to counselling for my depression and anxiety problems.
BUT, it's like the clinical place right? So the latest appointment time I can have is at 3:15pm, which is when school is done. Do the math, that a lot of days signing out once every week, not to mention I get docked as one missed class even though I leave like half of class.
So I was wondering, do you think that there's any way I get can special leave? I mean, it's one of my rights, isnt' it? Shouldn't I be able to leave for a legitement mental problem (which in my opinion, counts as a dissability), without going to get kicked out of school with so many leaves?
Highschool, Ontario.
The Answer
Go to your first appointment, and ask your psychiatrist.
Disability or not (and although I have, do and will suffer with anxiety and depression I would be a big vote for NOT a disability), you are attending a doctor's appointment. That's a legitimate obligation outside of school.
So ask your psychiatrist for their advice first. They likely have the most experience dealing with these conflicts with all their school aged clients. There might also be some possibilities after 3:15, after they have had the additional meeting with you and accessed your needs.
After that, I expect there is a way for you to work through the guidance counselor and principals to reach an understanding, but bring it up with your psychiatrist first. They probably have the best insight into the next step for you with your school.
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The Question
i need hellppp and i dont know what i do
i work at a place that i realllly enjoy and i love all my coworkers. i've been working here for about a month but last week i got offered a job at another place where this guy that i have always liked works. We have always been friends but never anything more, and i was really excited to work with him and see him alot more. But the job is really boring and pays alot less. its not about the money but for so many other reasons i want to stay at my first job but everytime i think im going to turn down the second, i see the guy and imagine how fun it would be working with him, i dont know what to do, should i stay at the job that i love? or quit and work with the guy who i have always had a crush on???
The Answer
If it's going to happen with this boy, it can happen without you working together.
If it isn't going to happen, it wont happen if you work together or not. And think of how miserable you'll be if it doesn't and you are stuck in a lower-paying job, with a boy you can't have.
What you should do is call up the guy you have a crush on and ask him out. Your problem isn't about were you work - it's about waiting around on something to maybe happen, instead of doing something about it. Changing jobs is just not the smart something to do about it.
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The Question
Hey there,
Well this may seem a bit silly, but I was wondering if I could perhaps be bipolar? My friends and family have "jokingly" mentioned that I might be.... Here are some of my "symptoms". I get really happy and excited for no reason and then other times I get into this mood, when I dont want to talk to anyone; I get so irratable and mean to everyone for no reason. I also get depresed randomly for a whole day. Then the next day Im REALLY REALLY happy and excited. This cycle constantly repeats itself. Sometimes I get so excited that I cant even sleep. I just lie awake daydreaming. My friends also pointed out to me that I dont have "controll" over my emotions. I get excited when I should be sad and vice versa.
What do you think?
The Answer
Probably not. Maybe, but probably not.
Generally, bipolar disorder involves periods of mania (extreme happiness, obsession and ) or depression (extreme sadness and lethargy) that lasts for weeks or months at a time, NOT one that changes in a day, certainly not hours.
Bipolar disorder is not the same as being random, or moody, or over sensitive. The same way that being shy doesn't automatically mean you have an anxiety disorder or being loud doesn't automatically make you ADHD.
There are two things you should do: The first is talk to a doctor if you are truly concerned. The second is watch your diet. The food you eat has a HUGE affect on your mood. Too much junk will send you skyrocketing and than crashing. Too much sugar or caffeine can do the same, and disturb your sleep cycle drastically.
The teen years are when many really grasp that what they put into their body, affects what comes out in their moods. Take a look at what you eat, and how it affects you.
Bipolar disorder is possible, but unlikely. Making poor diet choices is a faaaar more likely culprit if you are feeling unleveled.
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The Question
So i need to do a project about famous battles of the spanish american war but like i'm not entirely sure what qualifies as 'famous'. I know the battle of San Juan Hill was famous and Manila bay but i'm nt sure what else. I have a list of pretty much all the battles but i know thats not what my teacher wants. Anyone know what battles were 'famous' during this time?
The Answer
Goggle a few of them on your list and pick one or two that interest you, and then ask if they are 'famous' enough.
I would be willing to bet that they just have to be 'famous' so there will be enough information available to write about. If you can find a good few sources, it's probably famous enough to use.
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The Question
I don't think I'm bisexual or anything becase I only enjoy physical pleasure with girls but lately I've been wanting to kiss girls but I don't know how to apporoach it, because I act like I don't want to kiss a girl when I do and I have a friend who is like to kiss girls too but I don't want people to know that I make out with girls and that I'm bisexual when I'm not how canno havefun with girls without people judging me as lesbian or bisexual when I only
enjoy making out in general with boys or girls? I have not French kissed with anyone for long time now and I've been wanting to make out but I can't seen to find a girl to make out with, or I haven't had a bf in a while because I like to have fun and flirt with others so I thought it wouldn't be a good idea what should do?
The Answer
Go ahead and kiss a girl – if you can find one who wants to make out with you too.
The only other thing you can do is stop caring what other people are going to say about you.
Other people are going to call you bisexual if you make out with girls and boys. They just are.
Making out with someone IS a sexual act, and if you want to do it with a girl, that is a type of same-sex attraction.
Maybe you don't think you have ENOUGH same-sex attraction to be called a bisexual.
Maybe you don't like the label.
In the end, making out with another girl is something other people will label as a bisexual act.
It's not unfair of them to do that. It’s good for you to know that you just enjoy ‘physical contact’ with woman, but even if you don’t want to date woman, you do have some small amount of same-sex attraction if your are interested in making out with them. People are going to call that small amount of same-sex attraction (plus you main opposite sex attraction) bisexuality.
You don’t have to like it and you can correct them all you’d like. But they will still say it because it’s the way that bisexuality is commonly understood.
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The Question
Hello, for starters, i love my husband very much but he has hurt me badly. I have caught him in the past 7 yrs. being overly flirtatious, sending secret texts, receiveing suspicious text(im getting in the bubble bath now tee hee). hiding one girls number in his phone, hiding video cameras around our house(for sexual reasons), trying to force me to "go out" with girls, lately he sent an email to a girl that was innapropriate, i asked him not to speak to her anymore. For 3 months..nothing. Then i found out he set up a secret email account to speak to her. He calls her cutie and tells her he will "punish" her. They play poker on monday nites. I LOST IT!! I have had enough!! He cried and told me he is sorry. I told him he is a SEX ADDICT!! through lots of i hate u's he told he me he NEVER kissed or had sex with another woman. Do I believe him?
He called up a therapist yesterday and admitted he needed help for a sex addiction. He said he couldnt live without me and would do whatever it takes to fix things. Im putting a stop to the monday poker, he takes a trip to vegas with the boys every march and swears he never cheated there either, do i believe that?? He went as far as soliciting a girl to friend me on facebook and act like a total stranger only he was talking to her on craigslist to try to get her to sleep with me.. totally behind my back. I have been friends with this girl for months, not knowing they were trying to make a "lesbian" out of me. He is 45, i am 33 and everyone tells me i am gorgeous. WHY am i not enough?? i am a great wife who is totally devoted to him! HELP! what if therapy doesnt work! thanks, Kimmie
The Answer
If therapy doesn't change his dishonest, sexually controlling behaviour, than your marriage is over.
I'm sorry to say it so plainly, but that is sort of the answer to your question.
Inappropriate flirting and texting is one thing, but trying to trick or coerce you into sexual activity with another woman is abuse. Plain and simple, that is abusive behaviour. He hasn’t just been unfaithful; he has also actively abused you. It’s one thing to discuss different sexual interests with your partner – it’s another thing entirely to try secretly bullying them or pressuring them into things without open, respectful discussion. That is abuse.
If you still love him and want to work on your marriage, be supportive of therapy AND see a therapist together, to work on healing your relationship with one another, at the same time as he as an individual sees someone to addresses his problematic behaviour.
You need those two things to happen together to really work through these issues.
How can you believe him when he says he never had any contact with other women?
Well, if you love him and want to work on your marriage, than you sort of need to give him the benefit of the doubt, even if he doesn’t really deserve it. Hopefully, through therapy and the tough conversations a professional can help you have together; a fuller picture of his behaviour will come to light.
Finally, this is something I just hope will help you in finding a good therapist and get a bit more information:
Sexual Addition is an inaccurate phrase to use. Well informed doctors and people who study psychology are aware that it should not really be referred to as an addiction. Substances, like cocaine, are addictive. Sex is behaviour. Behaviour is compulsive. Sexually compulsions or sexual dependencies are definitely HUGE problems, but it’s important not to think of them as ‘addictions’ because that simply isn’t what is going on and it makes excuses and justifications for the ‘addicts’ behaviour that aren’t deserved. People don’t get addicted to sex like they might get addicted to cocaine. Sexual compulsions normally arise from other mental health issues (obsessive compulsive disorder or manic depressive disorders often) and important not to label SEX as the problem, but to address the underlying issues that sex is being used as a tool to address and control. You should do your best to recognize that your husband’s problem is more like anorexia or people who cut. It’s a HUGE serious behaviour problem, but it’s more like those mental health issue than it is like a drug dependency.
Of course, just because it’s not technically an addiction doesn’t mean its okay. It’s still completely and totally wrong for him to lie to you and abuse you, whether you call it an addiction, or a compulsion.
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The Question
15f
I have a HUGE crush on this guy but he's gay is it possible to turn a gay guy staight and if so how?
The Answer
It's not possible.
He might be bisexual, and like woman as well, but only he can tell you if that's true. If he says he is gay, he is most likely just gay, and you are completely out of luck.
There is nothing you, or anyone else can do to change that. One day, he might choose to act like a heterosexual, but chances are that even if he acts straight - he'll still be gay.
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The Question
So today I decided to be spontaneous (bad idea) and attempt to go blond. I have med/dark brown hair. I ended up at the drug store and came back with Loreal Super Blonde... its a bleach. So I did everything according to the instructions and when all was said and done, most of my hair ended up a light brown which looks pretty nice, but the top of my head (probably 2 inches from each side of my scalp) is a horrid yellow/orange. I know the typical piece of advice would be for me to seek professional help. But honestly, I do not have the money for that right now. I've contemplated 2 options: using a blond dye over everything and hoping for the best... or just re-dying it my natural color, or almost black. Would black do the trick? I am helpless. Thanks a bunch!
The Answer
Borrow or beg money from friends and family, and see a proffesional.
Do not dye your hair agian with store bought dye. There are all sorts of risks with that: Your hair might go green, or fall out. It's just way too many chemicals to throw on your head all at once.
Ask for an early Christmas present.
Pass the hat around your friends and beg for thier mercy and $10 bucks.
Ask if anyone has a colourist as a friend or family member who might cut you a bit of deal.
See a pro.
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The Question
Is it a good idea to pursue a high school relationship during senior year? I can't predict the future of this relationship, whether or not it will last, but in all likelihood we will be separated by college. I'm going on to college and the girl is still going to be in high school. Is it worth it?
The Answer
Every romantic relationship you ever begin, will end. Except for one. And then one of you dies.
Is this the person you are going to be will until you die? Probably not. It will end. It practically has an expiry date stamped on it. You can still date her if you’d like, but if what you want deep down (and it’s what many people want) is a life-long partner, it’s almost impossible that this girl is the one.
It might still be worth it, but it wont be the 'happily every after one true love' kind of worth it.
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The Question
16/f
Alright, first off I have to say I feel stupid for doing this, but strangers do give the best advice because they aren't really biased.
Alright, so I told my best guy friend that I liked him (Which was really awkward because the day before he told me he wanted to go out with my best friend). He didn't exactly reject me, but he didn't exactly accept that either.
So fast forward a couple of weeks and he mentions to me he started talking to my cousin quite a bit. Three days later he's dating my cousin. Not to be rude (and it's not because she's dating him) she's kinda a whore and doesn't seem like the type he'd be into at all.
So after this happened I decided to get over it. It's been half a month and I'm nowhere near moving on. Every freaking time I log into Facebook, or hang out with my friends I see/hear something about their relationship and it's like 'Stabby stab stab stab!'.
I don't get it. He and I have been friends for over a year, I've known him for about four years because our older sisters are friends. We've never been more than friends, so why can't I just get over it? Yes, I care for him. Who wouldn't care for their friends?
I'm just confused I suppose. He's not the hottest guy in school, far from it actually. He's not what I'm usually attracted to. I love his personallity though, and he's really quirky. It's something I love about him. He's not afraid to act weird or crazy because that's who he is.
I don't know. I don't even know what my question really is. I just need advice.
The Answer
The hardest relationships to get over are the ones that never actually happen.
The romances you have that never exist anyone outside the fantasies in your own head, will always be the most difficult to get past, because in your head they were perfect.
All I'm trying to say is, as baffling as it might seem to you, it's perfectly understandable and normal for you to be struggling a lot with this thing-that-never-quite-happened.
There is no quick fix, but the first thing you do is remove yourself from the reminders as best as you can. Ignore them on Facebook for a while. Change the conversation topic if you can. The second thing is remind yourself why this is affecting you so much: It’s affecting you because it never went far enough for you get over the initial stage of liking someone. You got stuck in crush mode, but without a solid rejection or messy breakup, it’s harder to move past.
Two weeks really isn't very long. Three weeks tends to be the absolute minimum amount of time to get past something upsetting. If you are still obsessing after Christmas, then it’s time to worry. Right now, it’s just time to let yourself feel what you are feeling.
Let yourself be confused. It’s okay to not get it. Stop trying to make it all make sense and justify and explain the unexplainable. It’s likely to pass faster if you stop fighting it, give yourself permission to be upset and disappointed, and let it work its way out of out your mind.
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The Question
I'm 17/f and he's 20/m
We've been going on with some issues lately. He's still confusing me about some stuff if you read my past posts. Lately, I've been hurt. I know he wants to get back on track and find out what he wants to do. He wants our relationship to be hidden from his parents until he's ready, since they do not approve of me. We're limiting the time we see each other so he has space, so seeing each other everyday ended up seeing each other once a week. And once every 2 weeks, which is definitely hard for me. But I agreed to it, he needs time. But then he asked me if I was upset that he's putting other stuff above me. He says that he'll try to see me as much as he can, like see me if he gets off work early and if something he was going to do is canceled. He's not always busy. I'm hurt because I feel like I'm just there as a left over and he'll come to me when "he has time". I don't know what to do, what to say, I'm not sure if it's fair or not. Advice?
The Answer
The only one who can decide if his expectations are fair or not is you.
If you can bare with them, and think they are reasonable, then that's okay.
If you think he is being unreasonable, and you cannot bare with the situation he wants for your relationship, then it isn't fair to either of you to go on pretending it's okay when it isn't.
Maybe you aren't sure yet if you can live with this or not. It's okay to still be making your mind up about that.
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The Question
I have windows 7 with the live photo gallery I do not have photo shop I do have adobe reader and acrobat as well as paint. I want to turn a picture into a coloring page to use as a stencil for pumkin carving how do I do this. Is there a simple free program outh there or can I use what i have?
The Answer
I know it's only a few days out from Halloween now, so hopefully you've already got a better answer, however, what you asking can't be done with the programs that you list here.
Your best bet it to print it off at the right size (even photocopy it to get it the right size) and then trace it out to make your pattern.
That's my advice anyways. I hope you had Halloween success.
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The Question
I was just wondering how to make this type of cupcake frosting? Or can you buy it?
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_rurEHssmyaM/Smf-oqai4jI/AAAAAAAABTo/qUo6UIKYSPk/s400/cupcakes.jpg
Thanks! :)
The Answer
You absolutely can make it. Frosting that is thick like that is different from the icing that most people use on thier cupcakes.
To get it to look so perfect like that takes a special tool called a tip (or sometimes icer tubes). The tip goes on the edge of special frosting bag and as you squeeze the forsting out through it different tips force the frosting into different shapes.
You can see it done in this video here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxgqK6_ZdL4
Frostings you can buy in the store will work for this, but you could also google any old frosting recipe you'd like and use it with a tip to get that look.
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The Question
Ok so my bf is trying to move near to where i go to college. we found this great house on craigslist. but we couldnt see him in person or the house b/c he was "in Nigeria on a christian mission" so he sent pics of the house and the address and it took a while but we finally sent him the deposit and first months rent over western union (it took close to a month cause he kept causing problems with money) the next day, he sayshe was about to send the keys but his wife was rushed to the hospital and he asked us to send anoth $700 so he can pay for her surgery and also to send his paypal account info so his relatives can send money to him through my bf's account which is money laundering. we emailed him demanding either the keys be sent or the money back and he has yet to email back..what can we do to get our money back? ANYTHING??
Please help, we sent $1200 total..
The Answer
Your money is gone.
I'm so sorry. There is nothing else I can tell you. Take the information you've got, and call the police on a non-emergency line. It's good to have a record of this scam; however, it's unlikely there is anything anyone can do.
You send money via Western Union. You should never send anyone a payment via money order unless you know them very well. Western Union isn't responsible and won’t care that your money was stolen. It's your responsibility who you give the money order information too. Western Union puts that right up on all their information “Make sure you know to whom you are sending money. If you are purchasing goods or services and paying through the Western Union network, it is your responsibility to verify the reputation and legitimacy of the seller. Western Union is not responsible for the non-receipt or quality of any goods or services.”
Craigslist also won’t have any responsibility either, they post in their avoiding scams information this:
DEAL LOCALLY WITH FOLKS YOU CAN MEET IN PERSON - follow this one simple rule and you will avoid 99% of the scam attempts on craigslist.
NEVER WIRE FUNDS VIA WESTERN UNION, MONEYGRAM or any other wire service - anyone who asks you to do so is a scammer.
NEVER GIVE OUT FINANCIAL INFORMATION (bank account number, social security number, eBay/PayPal info, etc.)
If you had only just recently created the money order, Western Union might have been able to cancel it. But if it was a while ago, it’s unlikely. At very least, call them and let them know they you were a victim of fraud. It might help them avoid this particular man in the future.
Contact your local law enforcement for more help. You could also file a complaint with the The Internet Crime Complaint Center at http://www.ic3.gov/default.aspx. But those are both just ways to try and protect others from this man. It’s unlikely you’ll be able to get any of your money back.
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The Question
As a gamer I noticed that most video games don't have children in them. Are game developers not allowed to include them for certain reasons? Is there a reason why? There are games like the Grand Theft Auto franchise and the Assassin's Creed franchise where they have cities and towns completely populated with people, but all of them are adults and no sight of any children, not even a baby. Like in the Grand Theft Auto games, the player is able to free roam and kill people if they ever felt like it. So, what's wrong with killing a child in a video game? Does it disturb people greatly? If so, then what's the difference of the level of disturbance between a child being killed in a video game and an adult being killed in a most horrific manner in a video game? Wouldn't it add a bit more realism to the game and relate it more to real life? I know it sounds immoral but is there like a legit reason behind all this? I'm planning to become a game designer and before I start sketching out ideas and a plot for a game, I'd like to know this small detail where most games, usually the Mature rated ones, don't have children in them?
The Answer
It's not a law, and it's not even one of the criteria used by the ESRB (the people who give games ratings like Mature, or Child, and such). The ratings don't differentiate between violence against children, adults or the elderly. Violence against people is just violence against people as far as the rules are concerned.
You can kill children in all the Fall Out games, Deus Ex, Jagged Alliance, Bioshock, Prey... Just to name a few. Being able to kill children does NOT automatically increase a games rating from M to AO. All the games I mentioned above are rated M. You could kill children in Oblivion too, and it was originally only rated Teen (and it's rating was raised to M not because of child killing, but because people made a mod that could make the female NPCs topless). All those games are also the kinds of games that are trying to created realistic, immersive worlds and the lack of children would be obvious.
I would bet K3587 is exactly right about the reason you don’t see it often though. Games are supposed to be enjoyable and sellable. People are in it to make money, fundamentally. Whether or not killing children is especially uncomfortable for gamers I’m not sure, but any developer worth their salt is going to realize you won’t make money if your game makes enough people unhappy or uncomfortable. I’ve never played anything that required the killing of children to complete a quest or objective. Honestly, I’d feel a little put out by it if a game left that as my only option.
You should definately pick up a few more open, immersive world games if you are curious about game developers attempts at realism... I really don't think realism is what they were aiming for with GTA, no matter how much they pretend it is.
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The Question
This is for guys, but if a women has asked their boyfriend or husband the same thing and can answer this, feel free to answer too. Why do men watch porn if they are in a relationship?
The Answer
Why do women watch romantic chick flicks if they are in a in a relationship?
Shouldn't they be completely romantically satisfied by their partner?
Does it mean they don’t really love their boyfriend because he isn’t romantic enough for them?
Do they get confused between harlequin romance novels and movies and the real-life romantic love they share with their boyfriend?
Of course most of them don’t. Most woman who enjoy romance as a genre, understand that it isn’t reality, and they their real relationships are different, deeper and better than a 90 minute film that was designed to tug their heart strings in exactly the right way.
Most men who enjoy porn, under understand that it isn’t reality, and they their real relationships are different, deeper and better than a movie or image that was designed to get them off in exactly the right way.
We are precious about sex for lots of reasons. Some of them are good reasons (like sex can be emotionally and physically risky). And some of those reasons are bad reasons (like we use sex to try to and prove our devotion to one another, or to control our partner or punish our partner).
Like all things, porn can become a problem in a relationship. Just the way a girl who expects her boyfriend to behave or look like Mr. Darcy or Prince Charming, is a problem. It’s unrealistic, unfair and can destroy relationships.
So why do they watch it in the first place? Neurologists will tell you that masturbation is a great stress relief for most people, especially men, and that aids (either fantasy or things like porn) are simply available and helpful. Some people will argue there is natural desire for sexually variety, again especially for men, and that porn can help them fulfill that in a safe why that respects their physical commitments to their partner.
Frankly, though I don’t think that I, as a woman who doesn’t really care for porn, or we as a group of woman who don’t ‘get’ what the attraction to porn is, can necessarily understand WHY. The same way I can’t figure out WHY a person thinks Ultimate Fighting is worth watching or WHY someone else like butternut squash when I think it’s gross.
The important thing isn’t WHY. We don’t always get to understand another person’s reasoning. The important question is: What is moral or immoral? And, regardless of what’s moral, what I can live with in my life as a difference of opinion with my partner?
I believe porn, when created ethically and kept as part of a healthy mind space, is perfectly moral. I still don’t quite get it. I’ve asked partner’s WHY before and they have given me some of the answers here, but I still don’t quite get it myself. That doesn’t matter though: What matters is that I don’t think it’s immoral and I am perfectly happy for my partner to engage with it.
I’ve met girls who couldn’t handle a partner’s enjoyment of porn. Also met a guy once who couldn’t handle his partner’s obsession with Brad Pitt. That doesn’t make porn, or being a Brad Pitt fan wrong. They just didn’t get why AND they decided they couldn’t live with it in their lives.
That’s the important bit. Not the WHY. The honesty, and your own ability to choose.
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