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stuck in between 2 guys
18/f
help! i'm caught in between 2 guys who i both love so much..
here's the story. so i went out with this guy (A) for a year and we were great. but then he broke up with me last spring. Then I started dating a new guy (B) and we have been going out for 3 months. B and I have gotten into a lot of fights lately. and they haven't even been fights about serious things.. its always about really stupid things. like he got mad at me for "bailing" on him when we were supposed to hang out but i felt sick so i went home. we've had so many fights over really ridiculous things, so i broke up with him. Now A wants to get back together with me and he told me that he's really sorry and learned his lesson. he broke up with me because he didnt want a relationship and his feelings toward me changed and he didnt love me as much. but when he broke up with me and dated another girl, he really missed me and thats when he realized he wanted me back.
Here's a brief description of each guy
A- emotional/depressed. has a lot of crap going on in his life. doesn't really have many friends to turn to for support. he didnt really treat me like a queen, like buying me gifts randomly or making me something cute like a sweet text or a love letter. But I care about him sooo unbelievably much.. he always talks about how if he were to disappear, things would be better. but i cry everytime he says something like that because i cant imagine life without him. he's a great guy and i care so much about him. i would fly across the world to see him or swim the arctic ocean for him.
B- super sweet/corny/romantic. he always spoils me and makes me feel really special. he's the first guy who i actually fought in public with (i'm normally a shy girl who doesnt like to argue or yell in public) so i guess thats good? because i got out of my bubble and maybe was more open that way?? instead of shy and hiding my feelings? i'm not sure if thats a good or bad thing. he also makes me feel good. like if i'm crying, he will hold me and i just know that he doesnt care if my makeup is smeared on my face.. he just cares about me. he's really protective over me.. not too overprotective, but i feel safe around him.
also idk if this really matters but my parents know A and his family very well. they work with his parents. so they trust A more than B. for example- they would let me go over to A's house but when i ask to go to B's house they wont let me.
so yeah... i'm torn in between 2 guys.. what do i do? is it better to be with the guy who i've been with for a year and i care a lot about him, but he doesnt really treat me like i'm special? or do i go to the guy who i've been dating for 3 months and really really cares about me and makes me feel special but sometimes complains about what we dont have?
oh last thing.. i feel bad for A. He's been wanting to get back with me for such a long time and he gets his hopes up, but when it wouldnt happen he would get hurt and upset. so i kinda feel like he deserves me more than B because he's been through so much and just wants someone to love him/me. but at the same time i feel like i should go back to B because the only reason we broke up was because he complained too much and he said he would change.. so its like.. who do i go to??
please help me. i'm desperate for advice. this has been going on for about 4 days now and they are both going nuts because they want me to pick someone. I'm probably the most UNselfish person ever.. i always take someones feelings into consideration. dont tell me to pick what makes me happiest or what my heart wants, because either way i'm going to think about another persons feelings and take them into consideration.
I just really dont know what to do. I talked to my bff about this and she just said follow my heart. but I dont know what i want. Please please please voice your opinion. like i said, i'm desperate. THANK YOU!!!
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jori: okay so i wouldso go with A because he obviously really likes you and if he tells ou how he feels then why shouldnt you tell him that you want him to treat you like you are more special just communicate!
lynze: well since a is depressed you shouldnt have to make him happy you shouldnt have to be responsible for that
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oh wow... hahaha
okay i think that you should really go to B becaause he only fights with you about stupid things because he cares so much about you and just wants everything to be perfect. You both can fix things right away by just realizing that whatever your fighting about isnt worthit and just stopping it. but with A he said he didnt want a relationship thats why he broke up with you before.... well he could do that again and he could hurt you alot and then you wont have A OR B!
i think since A has been there longer you should keep him there as a friends because you both obv. need eachother in each of your lives. it doesnt have to be in a relationship lovey dovey way. it should be a friendly always there for you way.
hopppe i helped! :) if u have an questions dont be scared to ask!
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A Psychological Tip
Whenever you're called on to make up your mind,
and you're hampered by not having any,
the best way to solve the dilemma, you'll find,
is simply by flipping a penny.
No - not so that chance shall decide the affair
while you're passively standing there moping;
but the moment the penny is up in the air,
you suddenly know what you're hoping.
That's is Piet Hein, brillant and most favourite poet of mine. Not such bad advice.
However, the truth is this hun: If you can't choose between the two of them, then you should NOT be with either of them. If you are honestly unable to make this choice for yourself, either because you don't know which to choose, or because you are afriad of hurting someone's feelings, then you simply aren't ready to be with either of them.
If you don't know your own heart well enough, to know how to follow it and in which direction, then you aren't ready to be sharing that heart to anyone else, and you should stay single.
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