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marrying age
Me- 20/f
Him- 28/m
So my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now, and something has been bugging me a bit. Although I'm in no way ready to get married or anything, he told me he doesn't want to get married till he's 40. 35 at the very earliest. I understand we have a bit of an age difference, but I love him quite a bit. He means alot to me. Do you think it would be dumb of me to wait till he's 40ish years old to be married to him? I've always thought I would get married around 25 so idk if I would just be settling.
He and I both have well paying jobs, and were both finacially so that is not a problem at all.
Its just the waiting g period that is.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Do you want to have kids?
It's a pretty important question when it comes what the proper 'marrying age' will be for a couple.
If you plan on having children and building a family together, ask him if he plans on getting married before having children, and then ask him if he really wants to be in his late forties or early fifties when he has a 10 year old? Does he want to be retiring at the same time as sending a kid, or more, through university? How tod you feel about not giving birth until you are in your thirties?
Maybe you aren't planning on a family, but if you are that should be considered in your timeline and gives you some very real issues to discuss with him. If it’s important to you to help support your kids through college – that can be very difficult if he is 65 when they are 25.
However, if you are planning a childless partnership, there is a little less reason to have any timeline other than the one that feels right to you both. If getting married at 40 feels right to him, there is little you can do to change that right now. You can stick it out and hope he changes his mind, or that you convince him otherwise, but that probably isn't the best path.
I'd be a little concerned about a guy who, having a partner he loves and wants to have a family with, would choose to delay childrearing until 40. That's just a bit late from a 'life-planning' point of view in my opinion. I'd also be a bit concerned about a man who doesn't want to get married to the partner he loves and plans on being with, until he was 'over the hill', or maybe it's the exact opposite sort of thing for your guy and he is trying not to have a young 'starter marriage' by delaying the wedding... No way for me to know.
You really only have been dating a year. It's understandable that this concerns you, but you really need to talk it out with him and see what thoughts brought him to this idea and what his visions of his life are.
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I think the age he wants to get married at sounds a bit troubling, like he isn't prepared for commitment.
40 is a long time for both of you and if you plan on having children thats when conceiving becomes harder and pregnancies become high risk.
Ask him why he wants to wait until he's forty. What you should both be 'waiting' for is when you feel ready, secure, and committed in the relationship. There is no age limit for that. He may see marriage as frightening or confining or maybe he doesn't see your relationship at the level of marriage yet. Communication is key here, talk to him.
If he is dead set on waiting til forty, don't settle. You have your own life and shouldn't base it around someone else. You may wait that long and be let down and find yourself off track. Ultimately, do what is right for you.
Good luck,
-Abby
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