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Why Do Men Watch Porn?
This is for guys, but if a women has asked their boyfriend or husband the same thing and can answer this, feel free to answer too. Why do men watch porn if they are in a relationship?
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It's not about replacing women. That's such a self centered notion.
Men have different needs. The need for sex in us is somewhat physical. There are measurable stress results on the body when men have an unexpressed degree of sex drive.
Male masturbation is a result of the desire for physical release. We're wired to get horny, and at times it's straight up infuriating. From the 14 year old who gets an erection at inappropriate times to the guy in his 20s with a young wife who bought some lingeree he can't stop thinking about (during work or school when he needs to focus) guys just want sex. We can't help it.
It's entirely logical that a guy who knows he's going to be horny regularly would seek to relieve it regularly, either through sex or solo play. Being able to sacrifice 10-20 minutes of your day to get sex off your mind for the rest just makes sense.
Add to that the degree to which sexual kinks are still treated with discomfort in the world, and the fact that no two partners are ever perfectly compatible, and you've got a market. Something that causes direct physical arousal and aids in relief while simultaneously giving you an outlet for a fantasy which is for whatever reason not a part of your regular sex life. Or just something that echoes a fantasy that is expressed when you can't actually have sex.
Emotionally speaking, it's not a replacement. Imagine you're reading a romance novel and some part of it reminds you of a fight you just had with your partner. That's probably going to make you put the book down, or at least kill the enthusiasm a little bit.
That's with reading, where it's all down for you to follow. Imagine being in that situation while masturbating in a room alone looking at and reading nothing. You don't even have a channel to redirect your thoughts. Porn is there so that you can have a focus. Something that prevents distraction and allows you to focus on the matter at hand.
Which is an orgasm, and nothing more.
Porn can be a problem when it affects the sex life, but the vast majority of the time it only affects the sex life when insecurity comes into play.
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Men are more visual than women.
We tend to get aroused at the mere SIGHT of an attractive woman, whereas women tend to be attracted to personality traits.
This is why men watch porn. Afterward, there's no cuddling necessary. This isn't fantastic for relationships, but if it's only happening occasionally and isn't interfering with your relationship, don't worry about it.
Don't assume that because someone you love watches porn that you aren't satisfying them. This isn't necessarily true.
If this is bothering you, just talk about it with him. Don't get mad or accusatory, though. And don't bring up his porn watching during an argument.
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Why do women watch romantic chick flicks if they are in a in a relationship?
Shouldn't they be completely romantically satisfied by their partner?
Does it mean they don’t really love their boyfriend because he isn’t romantic enough for them?
Do they get confused between harlequin romance novels and movies and the real-life romantic love they share with their boyfriend?
Of course most of them don’t. Most woman who enjoy romance as a genre, understand that it isn’t reality, and they their real relationships are different, deeper and better than a 90 minute film that was designed to tug their heart strings in exactly the right way.
Most men who enjoy porn, under understand that it isn’t reality, and they their real relationships are different, deeper and better than a movie or image that was designed to get them off in exactly the right way.
We are precious about sex for lots of reasons. Some of them are good reasons (like sex can be emotionally and physically risky). And some of those reasons are bad reasons (like we use sex to try to and prove our devotion to one another, or to control our partner or punish our partner).
Like all things, porn can become a problem in a relationship. Just the way a girl who expects her boyfriend to behave or look like Mr. Darcy or Prince Charming, is a problem. It’s unrealistic, unfair and can destroy relationships.
So why do they watch it in the first place? Neurologists will tell you that masturbation is a great stress relief for most people, especially men, and that aids (either fantasy or things like porn) are simply available and helpful. Some people will argue there is natural desire for sexually variety, again especially for men, and that porn can help them fulfill that in a safe why that respects their physical commitments to their partner.
Frankly, though I don’t think that I, as a woman who doesn’t really care for porn, or we as a group of woman who don’t ‘get’ what the attraction to porn is, can necessarily understand WHY. The same way I can’t figure out WHY a person thinks Ultimate Fighting is worth watching or WHY someone else like butternut squash when I think it’s gross.
The important thing isn’t WHY. We don’t always get to understand another person’s reasoning. The important question is: What is moral or immoral? And, regardless of what’s moral, what I can live with in my life as a difference of opinion with my partner?
I believe porn, when created ethically and kept as part of a healthy mind space, is perfectly moral. I still don’t quite get it. I’ve asked partner’s WHY before and they have given me some of the answers here, but I still don’t quite get it myself. That doesn’t matter though: What matters is that I don’t think it’s immoral and I am perfectly happy for my partner to engage with it.
I’ve met girls who couldn’t handle a partner’s enjoyment of porn. Also met a guy once who couldn’t handle his partner’s obsession with Brad Pitt. That doesn’t make porn, or being a Brad Pitt fan wrong. They just didn’t get why AND they decided they couldn’t live with it in their lives.
That’s the important bit. Not the WHY. The honesty, and your own ability to choose.
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