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Stressed to the point of breaking
I love writing, it's my biggest passion and I do it from the time I get home till I go to bed, so my life basically revolves around it. Well, I also recently joined Drama Club as I've NEVER been in a club before. I am also being forced to take drivers' ed since my dad is leaving us soon and we need a way to get to school. No, I don't like taking drivers' ed as it interferes with my writing and club time as well as getting a life by TRYING to be social. I don't want my license at all, big waste of time. I don't really wanna go on with that bit, but I'm also getting annoyed that I have to try harder in school. I actually have an A this trimester and worked really hard for it, but of course, leave it to my parents to push me for a HIGHER A, which makes no sense. I'm also having problems with communication with my boyfriend.
I also wrote a paper for a class and I mentioned suicide, you know, since it's been all over the news. The teacher took it to the office and told my parents that I might be considering it, but I actually laughed when the counselor mentioned it because I had never once thought of suicide... Well, until today. All this stuff is stressing me out and I hate it and seriously, the thought crossed my mind when I passed the medicine cabinet. I really don't want to do it and I'm a big coward, so I probably won't, but I really don't like the thoughts of giving up running through my head and making me flat out depressed. I'm sixteen, by the way, if that helps any... But, can anyone tell me what to do?
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I have to be honest with you, I read the title of your blog and expected to read something very traumatic in your question...but by the time I was done reading your question I was just appalled. Nothing you mentioned is SO TERRIBLE that its even worth THINKING about suicide. I was your age just a few years ago and I went through SO MANY things that were 10 times more terrible than what you are going through. I was very abused as a child and moved around a lot. My parents were dirt poor and didn't really care about me, and didn't take care of me at all....then in High School 5 of my friend DIED. All at different times. I had to go to a lot of funerals and nothing is more "depressing" than watching a young person die. I hope that you realize that I am trying to give you the best advice that I can, even if it sounds harsh. The world outside of high school is SO MUCH HARDER than what you are going through now. You like to write?? AWESOME! Do it on your free time. Getting a drivers license is something that you are going to HAVE to get. Having the ability to drive is amazing. If something is going on in the house and you feel like you need to get away, you can. You aren't going to be able to bum rides off of people forever.
You need to start looking at what steps you are going to take to begin your future after high school. And in this economy, things are really rough for entry level people out there. I know you are only 16, but high school goes by quicker than you think.
I could go on and on as to why you shouldnt hurt yourself. It truly is the cowards way out. So my best advice is to suck it up and realize that what you are going through is not actually that bad. Optimism is the best medicine for making it through your teenage years. And I promise you that. I recently started a blog to help young adults take charge of their lives...the link is:
www.stephaniemorris.blog.com
steph
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How about cut the drama? "Thinking" about suicide and "thinking about actually committing suicide" are two completely different things. Everyone THINKS about it-- but few people are stupid and selfish enough to actually go through with it. You're obviously a teenager, and all teenagers go through phases where they think they're alone and worthless and life is too hard. Focus on the fun stuff-- LIKE DRIVING-- do you have any idea the freedom of being alone in a car with the windows down and the music up? You'll be able to drive yourself to the park or the beach and write your heart out, independent and on your own. You're having trouble communicating with your boyfriend because he is probably a 16 or 17 year old boy-- and 16 or 17 year old boys have no interest in communicating-- they want to play video games and touch as many boobs as they can. Focus on school, get your license, write when you can-- but don't miss out on highschool or stunt your social skills to the point where you will be lonely when school is done. College seems far away, but you're going to have the time of your life and you'll regret not going if your grades aren't good enough or if you're too much of a loner to go. Next time you pass the medicine cabinet and think, "I could take a ton of pills right now," just laugh it off and realize no one's life is every that bad-- especially not yours. Suicide is the most selfish act a person can do. Put a smile on your face and look forward to the future.
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