thelaura's advice column

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

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Laura/22/England

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What exactly is a centralized government?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Centralized_government

Click for more.

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My boyfriend who I loved just broke up with me.
But the thing is he broke up with me for no good reason. He told my best friend that he thought it was time. But I don't really understand that. We had an amazing date like 3 days ago, and we both had a ton of fun, and he seemed like everything was normal, he kept kissing me and all that normal stuff. But just last night he broke up with me. But the thing is we have only been going out for two months and in his grade (he's older) apparently it's not cool for a guy to be in a relationship for more then 2 months. My friend also asked him if I did anything wrong, and my ex told her to tell me that I didn't do anything wrong. He really hurt me, and i haven't stopped crying. I don't know what to do. I don't think I ever want to date someone again. I only want the guy that broke up with me, and I believe I always will.
Can you explain to me why he broke up with me?? And what I can to do stop feeling so lousy??
HELP!!!

Honestly honey, no one here can explain to you why he let you do. Perhaps he had a very sudden change of heart. Or he'd been thinking of doing it for a while but really didn't want to hurt you.
I know you are going through a very hard time at the moment. Trust me, you WILL get over this within time. I say this a lot but it's really true;
Time heals everything.
It can take weeks or months. Everyone is different. but sooner or later, you will be able to look back and be happy for the times you shared together.
and when someone else comes into your life who you like, you will be ready for the process to start over again.
It's trial and error.
Most people have been through this and can understand your pain.
All you can do is let it all out. Cry to your friends, get everything off your chest. That is what you are there for. Then start to hang out with them to take your mind off him. Try not to be alone for too much. Listen to music that makes you happy. Keep yourself occupied - call up your friends, even tidy your room! Every little helps.
It's best if you do not try to contact your ex at all. Not in person, online, anywhere. It will only make it harder on you.
Trust me, you WILL feel better soon. Keep your head up high.

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how can you tell if a 13-14 year old guy likes you?

He makes the effort to talk to you a lot, looks at you a lot, asks to hang out sometime, calls you up possibly, makes excuses to get close to you... Or considering he's only 13-14, he could act mean to you to get you to notice him etc etc etc.
but you know the only REAL way to find out?
Ask him. ;)

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im looking for cute girly button pins.. but i dont know where to buy them! by the way i cant buy them online. where do they sell them?? my sis saw some in hot topic but i dont shop there or anything, and the pins they had there weren't my style at all. so where else should i go? thanks! 13/f btw i want to put them on my backpack aha

It would help to know what area you live in.
Is it possible to get a friend to order them online for you? Because to be honest, the range is absolutely huge and you'll most probably find anything you're after. All I can suggest is to look around other stores in your area which sell "girly" clothes etc.

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I've been in school for a week, and I feel/am so alone! I hate it so much. I came home crying. My parents keep saying it will get better after half a year or so..but I don't want to be the loner walking around on my own for 4 months! I've talked to some people...they are nice but they aren't exactly friends.
I hate being like this, and since all the lessons are mixed up, you don't have many lessons with the same people.

Can anyone give me ANY advice...and how could I make some friends at least?

Thankyou sooo much.

I'm always a happy person, but for the first time in YEARS I'm depressed...

I very much doubt it's going to take 4 months to find some friends.
I just answered a question very similar to this, and I can 100% guarantee you, many, many other people are going through the same thing as you.

**Push yourself and talk to the people you sit next to in lessons. Yes, it's hard, but to get anywhere in this situation, YOU have to make the effort too. Please don't rely on other people to talk to you first.

**Join any after school clubs you may find an interest in

**If there are any other new comers like you, stick with them

**Keep on talking to the people you already are and strike up better conversations, like what are you up to at lunch etc

**If you have a MySpace or something similar, browse for people in your classes and talk to them online so it's easier to approach them at school

You need to give it at least 2 more weeks before you start properly settling in and getting used to the people and surroundings.
Don't let it get you down girl. Keep your chin up and try your best to get through the first few weeks. I promise you it will get easier.

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ok so i'm a really shy person i'm really sensitive i have a very low self esteem and well i just started high school at a new school and well it's only a town over from my old school but still new kids and it's high school and it's the end of the first week and i havent really made any friends i mean i might talk to some people in my class like someone who sits by me but thats it and well i really wanted and pictured high school like totaly perfect i made lots of friends i did good in school and i was happy but i'm not happy i have no friends and yeah i really want to be more confident and i'm kinda overweight so i'm a on a diet and walking everyday and drinking pretty much only water so i think if i lose weight i'll be happier and people will like me hopefully but i need more ways to be confident now and whatnot so please help and dont tell me that i dont need to lose weight for people to like me cause thats not true people are so shallow these days and i hate it so i'm gonna change myself

Please try to punctuate any questions you may post in the future. It makes it a lot easier to read, meaning you will get more help.

Firstly, I'm sure TONNES of people can relate to you right now, especially as the new school year has started.
Basically, you've just started. It's going to take perhaps a few more weeks before you start to properly bond with people and make new friends.
Don't worry about your weight. I highly doubt it's going to affect you making friends. Plus, it's good you're helping yourself by dieting. It will give you the extra confidence you need, so keep at it.
It's normal for you to feel how you are for the time being. It's a new place, new atmosphere, new people and sadly, the only way to overcome your feelings at the moment are to push yourself that little bit extra. Make the effort to talk to the people you sit next to a bit more. Ask them about their interests. It all carries on from there, trust me.
Are there any other new people? You should stick with them if there are.
Also, I would recommend talking to a teacher, or have your parents talk to one for you. You could ask the teacher to have someone look after you. Normally, at my old school, when someone new joined, a few people were told to include them in their activities and talk to them to make them feel comfortable and welcome to the new surroundings.
May seem silly, but if you have a MySpace, or something along those lines, look for people that are in your classes and start talking to them online first. It might make things easier for when you approach them at school.
If you don't want to do that, give it at least 2 weeks. I promise you things will get better.
I wish you the best of luck. and don't worry hun.

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alright. so i just got a henna tatoo on my ancle. its a small one, not HUGE. but idk how to take care of it, do i have to do anything special with it? nething will be helpful thanks so much.

Don't worry. You don't have to do anything "special" with a henna tattoo unless something bad happens like an allergic reaction ;)
Just make sure your clothing doesn't rub right against it, don't scrub hard at it in the bath, don't scratch it.. common sense really. :)

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hi, well you cant smoke marihuana and drink alcohol at the same time can you? someone told me you cant, so how long would i have to wait after ive smoked the marijuana, to drink alcohol. thanks.

p.s. i know marijuana isnt good, so please dont tell me not to do it, just answer my question if you can :)

It's not recommended because alcohol and weed slow the bodies mechanisms down. and a lot of both together could result in dangerous breathing patterns.
People react differently.
I'm not going to lecture you, but don't have too much alcohol if you're planning on smoking weed.

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whats the easiest and most useful way to get rid of stage fright?

Depends what you are doing, whether it's speaking, playing an instrument etc.

*Try to see the crowd as only one person.
*You can try out the most common one which is to picture everyone in their underwear!
*May seem silly, but remember to breathe.
*Remember if you ever do anything wrong, chances are you are the only person who will notice.

Try Google for many more tips:

A lot of people feel anxious on stage. Practice helps everything, so run through your act and try to get it right. Do it in front of your friends and family.

Get out there and have fun!

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15/f i have bacne (back acne). what can i do about it?

You can visit your doctor if you think it's really that bad.
For now, visit your pharmacy and look for some creams you can rub in.
If the spots are pus filled, apply tea tree oil. It brings the pus to the surface and dries the spots out.
You could also try home remedies such as applying toothpaste or alcohol.
Don't let it bring you down. It's really common.

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why cant i just let go & move on
when i know im just holding on
to a hopeless wish thats
never gunna come true.

its a qoute thing i made. i wanna put something in my profile explaining whats going on in my life. which is :: i like this guy. we went out and i broke up with him. now i regret it and i miss him like crazy and the " hopeless wish" is that i could get another chance. if this doesnt make sence and you have something better please tell me =] and that wasnt the first time we went out so it cant say anything like " having a second chance. "

I quite like it. It does make sense, however, a tiny bit of tweaking could make it a little better.

Why can't I let go and move on
When I know I'm just holding on
To a hopeless wish that'll never come true

Rolls a bit better.

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http://www.apple.com/ca/itunes/

its the first ad from the right (called island) who's it by?!?!?! i realllllllly love that song but can't figure out who's it by....

It's called "Mi swing es tropical" by Quantic and Nickodemus.

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Is it better to have the guy you love for just one night, or not at all?

That's pretty much the choice I have to make. I can either be with him for one night, or never be with him.

I don't know what to do, I don't want to fall for him more and then just have to give him up, but I don't want to regret not being with him, even if only for a night.

He doesn't do exclusive relationships.

I understand your situation here, fully.
But WHY doesn't he do exclusive relationships?
Why would he be willing to do just the one night?
This part makes it very off putting and if I were you, I wouldn't bother at all.
Sure, one night would give you the memories and to have the experience of what it's like to be with him, but it all seems pretty pointless.
Move on. Find someone else - someone who wants to be with you. Not just have you for one night.
Refuse his ridiculous offer and show him just what he's missing.
I hope you make the right decision.

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I'm thinking to try this product because I'm dying for something that helps my hair. Do you think Sunsilk is good or do you prefer something else?
My hair is frizzy, curly, dry, breakable, and poofy! Any shampoos or products that can cure this problem?

THANKS!

My hair is just like yours and I have to straighten it daily. Bummer!
Sunsilk is good. but I found after a while, my hair got used to it and didn't really do anything for it any more.
If that happens to you, just look for other shampoos for dry/damaged hair. and CONDITIONER is really important. Especially at the middle and ends of the hair.
May I suggest once every 2 weeks you buy a hair mask. I use coconut oil in shampoo form. Basically, it's very nourishing and helps a lot with the dryness. Doing it too frequently can cause it to become greasy.
Good luck!

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is discharge like the eggs coming out?
I'm not trying to sound stupid, but i cant like figure out what it is.

No it's not.
It's just your vagina's way of cleaning itself.
It also acts as a natural lubrication. :)

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how do you "masturbate", i know you "play" with urself but how do you ACHIEVE than orgasm

Considering we don't even know your gender, it would be a bit hard to help you.
Google will be better anyway.

You have to find which works best for you.
Best of luck!

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okay well when me and my boyfriend hang out once a week we never can think of things to do soo any ideas? we cant really go anywhere sooo if you have any ideas of things we can do at home please help!.

Why can't you go anywhere? If you can, go to any entertainment places near you if you have any - parks, ice rink, cinema, shopping, go for a meal.
If not;
Watch movies together at each others houses, play boardgames (you'd be surprised how fun they actually are!), make something together, bake a cake, camp outside in your back gardens, you could even help each other with homework if you have it.
Seeing as you see each other once a week, it should be easy to think up a nice, full schedule that can keep you both occupied.
Have you tried Google for answers?

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i like this guy but he doesntseem like to like u what do i do

You can try to make him notice you more. Talk to him more, be flirty, ask him to hang out etc.
If you see no signs of him liking you after that, you can't really do anything else.
Don't try to change.
It's impossible to MAKE someone like you.
Good luck.

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i was wondering about what songs you, or someone you know listen to when you or they are trying to get over something

Absolutely any song by The Rocket Summer cheers me up. Every.Single.Time.

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I got my ears pierced last February. I didn't exactly follow the "clean it every day" instructions and now there's kind of a bump at the back of my ear around my cartilage piercing. I don't really know if it's just a random bump or swelling, but it hurts when I touch it and it's been this way for MONTHS.. I'm wondering what exactly it is, and, if possible, how to make it go away.

Right, I know a lot about piercings.
Seems to me it can be one of three things.
1. Keloid. (which is probably unlikely, but it should be ruled out).
2. Bad quality jewelry.
3. A simple bump as you've explained - which will go away with good care.
Basically, you should apply a hot sea salt soak to your ear 3 times daily for about 15 minutes each time. It should make the bump shrink.
Apply tea tree oil if you have any. If there's pus inside the bump, it brings it to the surface and makes it better very quickly.
Give it around 2 weeks. If you see no changes, put in different jewelry of a higher quality.
Last resort would be to see a doctor to get it lanced if there's fluid inside, but I think you'll be fine if you baby it.
DO NOT play with it or touch it unnecessarily. It will make your problem worse.

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