Gender: Female
Location: UK
Occupation: Temp
Age: 26
Member Since: September 3, 2005
Answers: 222
Last Update: March 4, 2008
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Im 15 and my boyfriend is 18. weve been together for almost a year. He was really sweet the first 5 months, but now he has gotten so jealous that we get in fights all the time over it. He doesnt like me talking to guys or even looking at them. He doesnt like me wearing slutty clothes. (he considers skirts slutty) We both work at the same place and when our manager tells me i have to work the drive thru with a boy, he gets so mad at me like i can help it. Ive broken up with him several times hoping that he will change, but everytime i get back with him, an hour later hes right back at it again. Each time i break up he calls me up or comes over telling me how much he loves me and i always take him back. He tells me often that i will NEVER find anyone who will treat me better, and that im lucky to have him!! I told him i dont want to live like this, but he doesnt seem to get it. If i accidentally piss him off he'll go and start flirting or talking to other girls to piss me off. He was like this with his first girlfriend, but it didnt seem to cause problems in their relationship like it has ours. Shes basically the same age as he is, so i dont know if that has anything to do with it. He was very sensitive to her needs, and would hold her if she got upset or mad, but i feel he doesnt care when i get mad. I do know that i dont want to be controlled! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!! (link)
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Hi there,
Jealousy in your love life is one of the strongest and most unpleasant emotions. You suspect there is a rival for the attention or affections of your lover. It could be another person, or even your partner's work or hobbies.
People who suffer from jealousy are often very insecure, and their worst fear is that their partner will leave them. If there is no real reason for your jealousy, then your shouting, pestering or nagging could really drive them away.
If they are jealous over you:
If you have been behaving yourself perfectly well, but he is being a bit jealous, he might just need a bit of affection and reassurance.
Signs that their jealousy is starting to get out of hand include the following; calling to your mobile phone while you are apart to check up on you, listening in on your phone conversations, banning you from wearing clothes you look good in, and going through your bags looking for evidence of an affair.
Someone who flies into possessive rages for no good reason needs professional help, especially if they are violent. If they refuse to get help, get out of the relationship - it is unlikely that they will change (however much they promise they will) and you could be putting your personal safety in danger.
Goodluck
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I need to to lose weight people keep telling me to diet and exercise but its not that easy even when i do do that i dont seem to lose any and when i do crunchs or situps i can never do them right HELP!!!! (link)
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hi,
The mainstay of tackling this is a change of lifestyle. That means having a healthier diet and taking more exercise. In addition to these measures some people will need medical treatment, such as therapy for compulsive eating patterns or sometimes drugs and surgery.
To keep running smoothly, your body needs:
Carbohydrates (sugars and starchy food), for energy
Proteins, for building muscle etc
Fats, for energy and making cell walls, etc
Fibre, to keep the gut healthy
Vitamins and minerals, for a wide range of functions
Water, to flush out the waste products of your metabolism
Getting the balance right
Eat regular meals based on carbohydrate in the form of unrefined starchy foods. This means potatoes in their skins, rice, bread and pasta. The wholemeal versions are the best as they are thought to contain more vitamins and release their energy more steadily, as well as containing fibre.
Refined sugary food can cause tooth decay and cause fluctuations in blood glucose levels. Sugar is 'empty calories' and contains only energy without other nutrients (the same goes for alcohol).
Protein is needed in moderate amounts. Go for lean meats, poultry, eggs, fish, beans, lower-fat cheeses, semi-skimmed milk, yoghurts, or soya products.
Fats are essential to health in small amounts. You need roughly equal amounts of saturates (e.g. butter), monounsaturates (e.g. olive oil) and polyunsaturates (e.g. sunflower oil). Try to avoid hardened vegetable oils as they usually contain trans fatty acids that are unhealthy forms of fat.
Vitamins and minerals are best obtained from eating a wide variety of foods. The ones in the tablets (and added to fortified cereals etc) are often not in the same natural forms that are found in food, and may not be absorbed as effectively. Try to eat at least five portions of different kinds of fruit or veg every day to stay in top condition.
Eat breakfast and don't skip meals. You'll be more alert and your metabolism will be better. People who eat breakfast regularly are more likely to be slim than people who skip it.
Combine a balanced diet with regular moderate exercise to feel and look your best.
Make friends with food, it isn't the enemy. It's there to be enjoyed. If you eat something unhealthy, try not to feel guilty, just aim to eat more healthily the next day.
If you stick to these guidelines most of the time, it will be fine if you occasionally eat small amounts of sweet foods and fried foods.
You need to look up your body mass index (BMI), which is a formula that takes into account both your height and your weight. It will give you a healthy range of weights, there isn't a single correct weight to be for your height. Go to your doctor to be weighed and measured, and ask her or him for some medical advice about weight loss. The bathroom scales at home are not accurate enough to give you an exact reading of how much you weigh.
goodluck
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I'm a twenty-one year old girl in love with a forty-seven year old man. We met at church, went back to my house on only the second time of meeting and had sex. After that he has been distant but kind. He says he feels afraid of his own disconnection. I don't know why, but I feel more for him than I have felt for anyone in a long time. I miss him when we're apart, even though we're not dating and I play it cool, determined not to crowd him or drive him off. But do bachelors that age remain bachelors? (link)
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Hi there,
How much is too much?
Age isn't always an issue in relationships, and many couples span the generations without any significant problems. But there's no denying that it is a factor when you're younger.
Why? Because you're less experienced at dating by default, and the strong emotions that go with it can be hard to handle. At the end of the day, you have to ask whether you might be better off learning from your mistakes with someone closer to your age.
The attraction factor
Ask yourself what draws you to this person, and be sure that age is not a factor. Sure, an older date can seem more mature and sophisticated than people your own age, but are you really going to have that much in common? It's good to have different interests, as it helps a relationship to breathe, but if it's just about having a trophy date then chances are it won't last long.
Potentially creepy factor
As well as asking what you see in someone so much older, ask what that person sees in you. What's more, why aren't they dating someone their own age?
Your friends
Chances are your mates will have an opinion about whether you should be going out with someone so much older. Your instinct might be to ignore any doubts they cast, but it's good to hear them out rather than just go with your instinct. They'll have your best interests at heart, after all, plus they're not so close to the issue as you.
Your family
If you're still living at home, and planning on dating someone old enough to be your mum or dad, then you should consult your folks. If you're living under their roof then you can't expect them to turn a blind eye to the situation. If you're keen to make the relationship work, then why not invite your date to meet them - that way they can see this person is genuine about you, and not someone who simply 'likes their bananas green'.
Goodluck
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I'm leaving for my 1st undergrad year very soon and I don't know what to do about my boyfriend when I leave. Should I try and conduct a long distance relationship?(My uni is in a different country to my home town). Or should I break up with him? Maybe a trial separation till Christmas when I return for the holidays? Or even an 'open relationship'?
Pros
1)I love him. He loves me.
2)My boyfriend and I will have been together for nearly 1 1/2 years when I go.
3)He's very sweet and he gets on with my family.
4)He's pretty good at sex.
5) He's accepting of my sexuality.
Cons
1) He's a compulsive liar.
2) I'm bi and uni will be my first real chance to explore that.
3)He cannot hold down a job. Or school/college.
4)His sex drive seems a lot higher than mine when we're together.
1)He wants forever and a family. I'm not ready to settle down and I never want to get married.
BTW we're both 18.
(link)
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hi there,
Being separated for so long at such a distance is enormously difficult. If you 'wait', it effectively means you have to put your social, sexual and romantic self 'on hold' for that time. And it means he has to do the same. You might want to consider coming to some arrangement with him that you will stay in touch electronically and by phone as much as possible. You can agree to support each other and love each other from a distance. But you might also want to agree that you won't stop each other from meeting other people and you won't stay home by the phone each night waiting for it to ring. If your relationship survives during this time, then I think you will both agree that you have something worth having and saving.
Meanwhile, you might want to focus on your state of mind. You might feel it's 'unfair' that your boyfriend is away. But his education is important - and that's that. You're not going to change it. One way of coping with it could be to socialise with other women whose men are away and to concentrate on doing some stuff for you. Maybe you could throw yourself into further education, or travelling, or a hobby. In other words, turn this into an opportunity rather than counting the seconds until you can be with him again.
You also need to see your own life with its various possibilities as valid and important. It may be that you are evaluating yourself through him. That's to say, you have felt better about yourself because you have a loving boyfriend. It's vital you feel better about yourself because you're you -not because you have a man. This is a difficult lesson to learn but an important one. People are able to form much better relationships when we like and love ourselves for who we are.
Finally, do lean on your family and your friends while you are so sad. Let them pamper and take care of you. If you do, things will soon seem more bearable.
Best wishes
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My parents don't like colored people but i have a lot of colored friends that are guys. I think i'm starting to like one of them but i can't help it and i think he likes me. I've been going to all his footbell games and everything like that. but if my parents found out that we liked each other i would get in a lot of trouble ( and right now isn't a good time for that ). I asked them why they are like that and they said they knew some bad ones when they were growing up..and that a lot of colored people are like that to white people...but i said the black people that live around us had to get used to it and my parents should to but i don't think it worked. Would some one PLEASE help me?!?! Thank You So Much If You Can Help Me!
(link)
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Hi there,
From what you've said, you've evidently met a kind and supportive man who shares your affections, respect and trust. In many ways, he's the best person to help you through this time, because by standing side by side, you'll be able to show everyone concerned you're happy with one another.
So, talk to him about the situation, and find out how he feels yours and his parents would respond to the news that you're together. The most effective thing you can do is to show them it's the right thing for you both, as opposed to simply telling them and expecting them to accept it.
At the same time, they do need to show respect for their him, which will mean being prepared to listen and engage in dialogue. If you can, stay calm, keep an open mind and be patient, they can only do the same for you. It means even if they don't respond well to begin with, hopefully they'll relax their attitude as things flourish between you.
Goodluck
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How do you tell a guy you like him, if your not sure if he likes you back? (link)
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Hi there,
It's not clear if you know much about this guy or if you simply like the look of him. Because of this, it's hard to anticipate his reaction without having some idea of the kind of person he is.
You've put yourself in a difficult position, because in order to have a chance at getting together with him you'll obviously have to let him know who you are otherwise he'll feel like he's dating a phantom. At the same time, your fear of rejection is totally understandable, especially if you have to see him regularly.
It looks like you have two options. Firstly, you can take the plunge and introduce yourself as the woman who wrote the letter and ask him if he's had any thoughts about it. This does mean risking being turned down but at least then you'll know where you stand. If he's already taken or just isn't interested, at least you will have tried and maybe you could develop a friendship or just go back to being two people who live in the same street.
Or, if you've not yet heard anything from him, let it go and just try to put it behind you. This will probably be hard to do if you see him often and still fancy him, but it's your only alternative if you don't want to risk letting him know who you are. Try not to get too wound up over this, although it's a crisis right now, one way or another it will eventually blow over.
Goodluck
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My best friend in the whole world is moving in about 2 weeks and I'm so upset. I can't get over it, it's unreal for me. I want to spend as much time as I can with him, but that still won't make up for the fact that I'll proabaly never see him again.
What can I do? (link)
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Hi there,
Moving to a new environment and making new friends can seem traumatic to begin with. It's often worth just trying to get to know a few people at first, rather than hoping to be best of friends with everyone overnight.
Your friend could try focusing on getting to know one or two people she encounters in her daily life, whether she's at work or at home, and just build from there. It may be a colleague or a neighbour, but if they connect then she'll soon meet other people through them and slowly her social circle will grow. She might also want to consider joining social groups in her area; she'll find details at her local library or community centre.
Your concern is touching, and by all means let her know you're there if she wants to talk about how she's getting on at any time. Just be aware that this is her life, and it's down to her to lead it in any way that makes her happy. If she knows she has your support then you've done your very best as her friend
Goodluck
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I like this guy whos 7 years older than me. He likes me too but said the age bothers him. But when we are at parties we end up having sex or doing something sexual. I really really like him shold I just be friends with benefits for now then when im older think about going out with him or what? (link)
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Hi there,
Some people might think that 7 years is quite a long time just in terms of how different your experience of life might be. But if you enjoy each other's company and no one else is being hurt as a result of your relationship, then there doesn't seem any reason why you shouldn't share your happiness with your loved ones.
To be honest, you should do what you want to do! No one can make this decision for you, you have to make it yourself. If you like him, and he seems like a genuinely nice guy go for it, just dont like you said let him pressure you. plenty of relationships have age differences Just know your principles and be sure of how far you are willing to go, and if you start to feel in comfortable then back out. Do what feels right to you, trust your instinct, it is the only thing that can really give you guidance now.
Do not rush in to anything if your not comfortable i suggest you get to know him better before you be his girlfriend because at the moment you onli meet on special occassions so maybe just randomly going out with ya mates/his mates just as friends to start off and then you will know if its right to be his girlfriend or not. please try not to let age get in the way altho at your age you know your very limited and need to ensure he does not jsut want you for sex etc my biggest advice is not to rush in to it get to know him more!! hope this helps
Goodluck
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I like this guy whos 7 years older than me. He likes me too but said the age bothers him. But when we are at parties we end up having sex or doing something sexual. I really really like him shold I just be friends with benefits for now then when im older think about going out with him or what? (link)
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Hi there,
Some people might think that 7 years is quite a long time just in terms of how different your experience of life might be. But if you enjoy each other's company and no one else is being hurt as a result of your relationship, then there doesn't seem any reason why you shouldn't share your happiness with your loved ones.
To be honest, you should do what you want to do! No one can make this decision for you, you have to make it yourself. If you like him, and he seems like a genuinely nice guy go for it, just dont like you said let him pressure you. plenty of relationships have age differences Just know your principles and be sure of how far you are willing to go, and if you start to feel in comfortable then back out. Do what feels right to you, trust your instinct, it is the only thing that can really give you guidance now.
Do not rush in to anything if your not comfortable i suggest you get to know him better before you be his girlfriend because at the moment you onli meet on special occassions so maybe just randomly going out with ya mates/his mates just as friends to start off and then you will know if its right to be his girlfriend or not. please try not to let age get in the way altho at your age you know your very limited and need to ensure he does not jsut want you for sex etc my biggest advice is not to rush in to it get to know him more!! hope this helps
Goodluck
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I like this guy whos 7 years older than me. He likes me too but said the age bothers him. But when we are at parties we end up having sex or doing something sexual. I really really like him shold I just be friends with benefits for now then when im older think about going out with him or what? (link)
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Hi there,
Some people might think that 7 years is quite a long time just in terms of how different your experience of life might be. But if you enjoy each other's company and no one else is being hurt as a result of your relationship, then there doesn't seem any reason why you shouldn't share your happiness with your loved ones.
To be honest, you should do what you want to do! No one can make this decision for you, you have to make it yourself. If you like him, and he seems like a genuinely nice guy go for it, just dont like you said let him pressure you. plenty of relationships have age differences Just know your principles and be sure of how far you are willing to go, and if you start to feel in comfortable then back out. Do what feels right to you, trust your instinct, it is the only thing that can really give you guidance now.
Do not rush in to anything if your not comfortable i suggest you get to know him better before you be his girlfriend because at the moment you onli meet on special occassions so maybe just randomly going out with ya mates/his mates just as friends to start off and then you will know if its right to be his girlfriend or not. please try not to let age get in the way altho at your age you know your very limited and need to ensure he does not jsut want you for sex etc my biggest advice is not to rush in to it get to know him more!! hope this helps
Goodluck
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What do guys like? Like what do they like to talk about and stuff.. I wanna talk to this guy but I need to know how to keep a conversation going.. what do I say? Should I comment on his clothes like.. "I really like your shirt" Or would that make me sound stupid? HELP! (link)
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Pulling with confidence is a skill that few people actually master. It's more likely that we only try to chat up people we fancy when we're pissed, or those we already know, such as our workmates.
Self confidence
Most of the time, we avoid making the first move because a nasty little negative thought pops into our mind at exactly the wrong moment. Here are some of the most common:
They will never fancy me
Attractiveness is very much in the eye of the beholder. If you never approach that person you fancy, how are they going to get the chance to decide? So long as you are clean and wearing stuff that you're comfortable with, what's the problem? There's a lot more going on here than physical appearances, and a good personality shines through. So what if you're brunette and they only like blondes? It just means that person is shallow, not that you're unattractive.
They might say no, or have a boyfriend/girlfriend already!
True, you might not be their ideal partner, and they have a right to say no. But they could also say yes, and surely that's worth taking the risk? Rejection is part of the dating scene, and it isn't the end of the world - you just move on and meet someone else. As for them already having a partner, there's no way you can tell in advance, so ask anyway.
I might make a fool of myself!
You'll have more luck if you're pleasant and friendly, rather than flash or cheesy. Even if you end up feeling embarrassed, chances are that nobody else will even notice. If they say 'no thanks' nicely, then deal with it graciously and don't start insulting them, it'll only make you look immature and insecure. If the other person deliberately tries to embarrass you, they've actually done you a favour by letting you know that they have an attitude problem.
The body language of lurve
When it comes to body language every one of us speaks with a slightly different accent. Here are the basics, but when it comes to reading people for real be sure to look between the lines.
Reading him
Like your typical animal, a man on the make tends to preen himself - anything from checking his hair to his shirt cuffs. If sex is on his subconscious, so to speak, then his hands won't be far from his genitals - i.e. on his hips or in his pockets. The crotch display is a bit of a male giveaway, especially when he's seated, so if you find yourself faced with legs parted like the Red Sea you can be pretty sure he's mentally undressed you already.
Be a friend
If you doubt your confidence or your social skills, don't force yourself to go out on the pull. It isn't everyone's style, and if you are feeling down about yourself it could knock you back. Concentrate on being a bit more sociable, and making the effort to be friendlier. Most of us are shy, so it's a big relief when someone else makes an effort and breaks the ice first. Getting talking to people in a non-sexy way is a perfect method for making new friends, and the more friends you have, the more likely you are to find yourself chatting to someone you fancy.
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I go to bed about 10:30 every night. For some reason I keep waking up around 3am and then I can't go back to sleep. Then I start getting sleepy in the afternoon when I can't sleep! Anyone else have this problem, and if so what do I do? (link)
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Hi there,
Your mattress: may be to blame for keeping you up at night. Aim to strike a balance between comfort and support. Your spine should be level when lying on your back, without being too hard on your shoulders or hips. If it's all a bit soggy, try boosting support by slipping a board underneath the mattress.
Lack of exercise: can leave you feeling restless and twitchy. Working out on a regular basis will help you burn up that excess energy, but don't do it last thing at night. Sleep won't come quick unless you give yourself time to wind down first.
Illness: can often be the cause of sleep loss, especially if you're in pain or suffering from respiratory disorders. If it's a long-term problem, or it's really causing you grief, your GP may be able to help.
Anxiety & stress: are both common sleep obstacles as personal problems can often seem worse last thing at night. Talking things through with someone you trust can get things in perspective, or ask your GP to recommend an appropriate course of counseling.
Drugs: such as alcohol, caffeine, nicotine (in tobacco), stimulants and some antidepressants can screw up your sleep patterns. Cutting down or quitting should hasten your arrival in the Land of Nod, but always seek the advice of your doctor if you're taking prescribed medication and you suspect it's keeping you awake.
Feeding your face: eating last thing at night will only crank up your digestive system at a time when your body wants to slow down and recharge. Eating earlier might earn you more zeds, while avoiding the risk of heartburn and indigestion.
Hope this helps
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omg this is tottally bugging me! theres this one guy in my grade and i think he might like me but i have nooooo clue!!! how can you tell if a guy likes you??? thanks and ill rate lol
mimi (link)
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Hi there,
The only way your going to know is if you ask him Yourself. Theres not much you can do. Most guys tend to act funny when talking about another girl. What you need to do is call him or talk to him, and ask him, does he like you?-And what not.
so trust me, there will be plenty of other boys. But you need to do it. I know it might seem werid but if hes into you, then there wont be much of a problem.
NEVER EVER get your friends to sort out your love life, it always goes wrong and they always make a mess of it!
Guys hate it when girls friends call them up and ask them questions, it's definitely the wrong way to go about things. You need to call him up yourself to sort something like this out.
If you want this guy to notice you, maybe you should try talking to him. If you want him to notice you and to get to know you, you're probably going to have to make the move yourself. Try a simple "hello" and a wave when you see him in the hall. Maybe a small chat, ask him what he did on his weekend.
I think the best thing to do is give it time. Give him a month more, and if he continues this behavior then confront him about it. Ask him if he really means it when he flirts with you. By giving it time, you're both allowing yourselves time to figure out exactly what you're both feeling. It's important to avoid rushing into a relationship buecause if you do rush you may hurt each other unintentionally.
I think that there is a good chance that he could have feelings for you. If you really want to know if you two could make the relationship work then you should really just sit down with him and talk to him about it. Express how you feel and ask questions. Just be open and honest with him but also stay calm. You don't want to say anything that you may regret later. Also only listen to what he tells you himself. People tend to either accidently or purposly change people's words around so it's best to only believe what he tells you himself.
I think he does like you. I think that you probably will start going out.
If you think its right then do it but don't walk away, might make him feel like it's a joke, expect an answer. And dont worry mom's are usually very open about this stuff. And from personal experiences, relationships or asking someone out doesn't affect a friendship as much as you think. Anyways, just go for it, there is really no harm in trying, nothing to loose but so much to gain! :)
You could write to him, sms, or email make sure to tell him not to show it to ANYONE. Because if he shows it to someone, he and you both might be made fun of because that's just the way people are today. Be sure to let him know that you'd like a response to the letter, whether it's face to face or in another letter. Just try to make him understand that even if he doesn't like you the same way that there will be no hard feelings. Cause he might feel weird since you are his best friend. I hope things work out for you.
I think that if that is the plan that you want to do...that is exactly what you should do. I think that it lets him know that you like him, but gives him a little time to think about what happened. I think that things will go great and you will feel a lot better after you give him the letter. I really hope the things go well.
Goodluck
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okay why is it that ,y parents always take my yuonger sister's side? and she lies a ton! but they believe her if she says that me and my brother did, when we never actually did it..so im just wondering why do they always believe her?
(link)
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Hi there,
Your sister probably doesn't hate you, even if it feels like she does.
When people are jealous or envious, they tend to try and make other people (especially those they are jealous of) miserable, don't let her get to you with the things she is saying.
Don't fight with your sister, because it doesn't achieve anytthing.
Well, why do you fight? I know most siblings. Maybe your sister is insecure. Let me guess, ya'll used to be best friends but as you were getting older...she ended that relationship. She may be having problems and no one will listen to her so she's taking her anger out on you. You need to talk to your sister. I mean you only get one. So, be there for her. and in return she'll be there for you.
Haha, sounds like you're just expierencing some sibling rivalry. Everything'll work out in time.
Your hormones will be going all over the place too, and so a good fight is probably something you will find difficult to walk away from. It's not worth it though! Don't fight with your sister, because it doesn't achieve anything.
I think that you should just go on and ignore your sister. By not rubbing things in her face you are showing you are a better person.
I'm really sorry that she is like that. I really feel that you should tell your mom that you would like to talk to her in private, then tell her about it.
first of all, talk to your sister about it. And I don't mean just ask. Tell her you want know what's going on. Be sympathetic, she'll know you're trying to be good. If she doesn't react as you wanted her to, definitely tell your mom. Tell her that your sister has a serious problem.
Tell your Mom. And tell her you are serious. Things like this shouldn't be taken lightly. It sounds like your sister is having issues and all she needs is time. I hope everything turns out well for your family.
Goodluck
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well my BF broke up with me 2 weeks ago, i am upset that he did that and i miss him a lot but i'm still going out and gettin on with things.
my question is, is it right for me to look for a new BF now, when i'm still thinking about my ex? or should i wait? (link)
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Hi there,
Breaking up with a loved one is a hard thing to get over. It takes time. For a while you'll wish you were still together and you'll still like him. But in time, you'll have moved on and gotten over him.
There's so many other guys out there, you'll find the right one. It takes time to find the right guy. There will most likely be other break ups in your life, but you'll overcome them and in the end it will be worth it because you'll find the right guy and you'll be happy.
I know what this is like, but I think you've just got to try once more to get him back and if that doesn't work start to get over him. It's hard enough as it is to get over people, so it'd best to start as soon as possible instead of dragging your emotions out for ages.
I'd say try to get him back one final time first because you never know and you'll just regret it if you don't. Don't try and buy him back with icecream etc. (even though i'd love it if someone did that for me!) instead have a talk with him. (on the phone or even instant messaging if that's easier). Tell him you still like him and that you think you could make it work. Ask him how he feels and whether he wants to make another go at the relationship again. If EITHER of his answers are negative then you have to try to forget him. If they're both positive then great, go for it! And really try and make it work :)
OK so if you're only left with the option of getting over him then lets try and go about this the best way. So, he was your first kiss - that's always special, but girl, you have so many more of those coming your way. Don't limit yourself to one guy! OK, he'll always be special to you; but nothing is going to change that - keep the memories but now move on. A good way to start getting over someone is to get out all your emotions about them to a friend/down on paper. Once they're out of your system... let them go.
Now try and forget him. Think of him as a mate and a mate only. If you find yourself thinking of him push those thoughts out your head. Sometimes jokingly insulting him in your head (you know all his little flaws - he can't be perfect) helps. Keep yourself busy, so you can't get down thinking of him. Go out: socialise, join new clubs, meet new people... even meet new boys!
The best way to cure a broken heart is to fall for someone else. Ofcourse you can't force yourself to do this, but it will come in time and hopefully the next guy you like will be just as lovely as this one. So have fun, flirt and get over this guy!
Good Luck!
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Ok...There is this guy that i really like. He's a senior and i'm a freshman. We're pretty good friends. He works for my mom and dad at this store that they own. Yesterday i was at work and he came in and we talked for like 20 min. I was at this fair yesterday and i saw him there and i called his name and he mmediatley started smiling at me at asked how i was and stuff like that. I wanna get to hang out with him more but on the off chance that we do go out i don't wanna mess up our friendship. We can talk to eachother about almost anything. I'm not really worried abou the age difference. Please help me i don't know what to do..
Thanks so much and sorry it is so long.
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Hi there,
Sometimes guys act different around girls, especially ones they like when they are alone or with their friends. It is hard to interpret someone else's feelings without asking. I have always thought that the best remedy is to tell the person that I like them. If they don't like me back, it might feel a little funny at first, but at least I won't look back and wish that I had said something. Good luck:)
Guys are going to be guys. Some are like that and others are not.
Since you have feelings for your best friend, you should really tell him face to face but if you cannot do this, write him a letter.
Let him know how you feel, and see how he responds. That would also reveal it.
If you think its right then do it but don't walk away, might make him feel like it's a joke, expect an answer. And dont worry mom's are usually very open about this stuff. And from personal experiences, relationships or asking someone out doesn't affect a friendship as much as you think. Anyways, just go for it, there is really no harm in trying, nothing to loose but so much to gain! :)
Ahhh, the love of a best friend romantically. I'll tell you what. Give him the note. Its good to be honest and open with your best freinds, but you will never know untill you try.
If you give it to him, make sure to tell him not to show it to ANYONE. Because if he shows it to someone, he and you both might be made fun of because that's just the way people are today. Be sure to let him know that you'd like a response to the letter, whether it's face to face or in another letter. As for whether it might change your friendship...it could. Just try to make him understand that even if he doesn't like you the same way that there will be no hard feelings. Cause he might feel weird since you are his best friend. I hope things work out for you.
I think that if that is the plan that you want to do...that is exactly what you should do. I think that it lets him know that you like him, but gives him a little time to think about it. I think that things will go great and you will feel a lot better after you give him the letter or however you wish to go about it (face to face, phone or email). I really hope the things go well.
Goodluck
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i really like this guy and i cant tell him.. how should i be able to tell him how i feel without scaring him away? (link)
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Heya,
Firstly body language is always really important. Here's some body language tips to show him you like him:
1) Tilting your head to the right is a sign your interested in what he's saying; tilting your head to the left is a sign your interested in him!
2) Touching/playing with your hair or fiddling with earrings is quite flirty.
3) Touching your neck (necklace) or resting a finger on your lips for a moment are very seductive moves. They will definitely get him interested!
4) Whatever you do, make sure you DON'T fold your arms this is giving him the impression that your protecting yourself and want him to back off.
5) Catch his eyes for a moment, hold his gaze for a few seconds then look away. Keep doing this and he'll be hooked.
Just to get a guys attention one of the most important things is confidence. If you think you look good - he'll think so too! So look up, hold your head high, shoulders down and SMILE! A girl who slouches about with a depressed/angry look will just scare him off.
Also remember guys love it when you just talk to them. Say 'hi' in the corridors, chat about HWK to get the conversation started and look them in the eyes when your chatting. Compliment their hair, clothes, bag etc. Before you know it they'll all be after you!
smile a lot it makes people notice you. Be nice and dont try to show off. Make friends that are guys. Dont try to rush into relationships. Play hard to get IT WORKS
If you think its right then do it but don't walk away, might make him feel like it's a joke, expect an answer. Anyways, just go for it, there is really no harm in trying, nothing to loose but so much to gain! :)
Its good to be honest and open. Granted things don't always turn out that way, but you will never know untill you try.
You could try writing him a letter. Be sure to let him know that you'd like a response to the letter, whether it's face to face or in another letter. Just try to make him understand that even if he doesn't like you the same way that there will be no hard feelings. Cause he might feel. I hope things work out for you.
I think that if that is the plan that you want to do...that is exactly what you should do. I think that it lets him know that you like him, but gives him a little time to think about what it. I think that things will go great and you will feel a lot better after you give him the letter. I really hope the things go well.
Goodluck
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i have serious problems saying no to people. i dont know whats wrong with me.. please no smart comments.. its harder than it sounds
i practice saying no and stuff but when it comes to the time i just.. cant
i think its because ive had some bad history with my boyfriends hitting me when i wouldnt let them so as far as they would like
any adive ? (link)
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Hi there,
Here are some tips and advice
1. I'm washing my hair. (the lamest excuse there is but hey it works)
2. I think I'm coming down with a cold, and I don't want to give you it.
3. My horoscopes says be wary of men ------- (make something up that sums him up) and that sounds like you so I think things are best left alone don't you?
4. I don't think I'm ready for it just yet.
Stop being a "Yes" person and learn how to say "No".
Do you constantly want to please others? Are you the type of person who will always agree with someone? Do you tend to avoid conflict and will do anything to make people like you? Are you afraid of someone not agreeing with what you have to say?
Fear of rejection
Many people, women especially, have a hard time saying "no". They fear rejection and isolation from others. It is easier to agree with someone or to do what they want, than to face a negative response. To keep from disappointing others, women (and men) do things they know they shouldn't. They tend to put their thoughts, feelings, opinions and health aside for the sake of others. Keeping quiet when a conflict arises( to maintain peace) or agreeing to a project that no one else wants to do, just to be "liked", is a very common trait.
The affect on self-esteem
What does all of this agreeing and saying "yes" do to someone's self-esteem? Their self-worth? Their identity? Do you think it strengthens it? Does it improve it? Does it make a person stronger? It most certainly does the opposite! When you continually give in to the wishes of others, and it is at your expense, your frustration grows deeper and your self-esteem drops!
How happy is someone constantly living a life like this? What choices does a person have to help them get out of this prison?
Personal speaking
I Growing up I wanted to please everyone. I loved the attention I received by saying "yes". I thrived on the positive comments about how great I was for "helping out" or "staying late" or "taking the time" to do something. The praise was great!! However, after a while, I was known as the person people asked to do things they didn't feel like doing. They knew that I wanted to please everyone and that I rarely said "no".
The curse of the "Yes" woman
The curse of saying "yes" followed me through my adult life. Once again, I was trapped and didn't know how to get out! I was saying "yes" to so many things that my health was suffering , I wasn't making time for myself, my self-esteem was plummeting, I truly felt like a hamster running on an exercise wheel, going round and round with no way out!
A good friend of mine finally opened my eyes to how I as acting and what I was doing to myself. I stopped and listened to her and decided to search for help. I sought help from a coach and began to change the way I handled certain situations. I began changing my behavior, my self-image and reactions to certain situations. I was amazed at how the tools I had learned had actually worked the first time I tried them! I was shocked to see how my life started to change!
Hints and tips
What can you do that will help you become more assertive? Here are a few suggestions:
• Make sure you know where you stand on an issue. Do you want to say yes or no? If you aren't sure, simply say "I need some time to think it over , I will get back with you on Monday." That way, you do not have to give an answer right away and it gives the person a definite time to hear back from you.
• Be as brief as possible. Simply state "no" and give a quick reason why. Refrain from giving long, elaborate responses.
• Slow down! Think before you respond. When you are ready to make a statement, think about the words you are going to use and how you will get your point across as assertive as possible.
• Plan ahead. If you know you are going to confront someone or a situation, plan what you will say in advance. Close your eyes and think about how you will respond. Play the conversation over in your head. What will the person say ? How will you react?
• Stand tall! Be aware of your body language. Hold your head high, breathe deeply and feel confident. Letting your head drop, or gazing at the floor while talking to someone can give a negative impression.
• When declining or telling someone "no" and they seem upset or taken back, validate their feelings by stating, " I know this will be a disappointment to you but I won't be able to …"
• If a person is persistent to your "no", it is not necessary to come up with a new explanation each time. Just repeat your "no" calmly and your original reason for declining.
• If you are caught off guard and are asked to do something or go somewhere and you don't particularly want to, say " I wish I could , however I have an appointment." Saying with who you have an appointment with isn't necessary.
These are just a few ideas to take with you to get you on your feet. Many times the fear of saying "no" is partnered with feelings of low self-esteem, lack of self, lack of focus, and failing to meet personal goals. If this describes you, I would recommend getting assistance, like I initially did, to help you get a clear vision on what you truly want for yourself. Talk to a friend, a counselor or hire a coach, like me, who can help you pave a path to the life you have always wanted! The important thing is to take action and to have a plan in place!
Goodluck
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ok so theres a kid at my school that picks on other people because they cant spell good. hes all like.. you'll never meet anyone if you cant spell.. but we know its not true but no one will stand up to him. what should we do? (link)
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Bullies are bullies. They never change, and the best thing to do is to ignore them. Don't give in or say anything back to them, that's their fuel.
This kid is making other people feel uncomfortable and unhappy which is not right. I think the best thing I can advise you to do is report him if anything happens again. Even if it's just a little thing like name-calling it still counts as bullying and so you've got to tell someone. It might be easier to tell a parent/friend/relation first and get some advice from them; but if this carries on you've got to tell a teacher at your school. They'll listen to you and then help sort out the situation.
Don't be scared that they won't believe you or think it's too trivial because it's their job to help everyone. It would be good though if you wrote down each problem like what you described above and the date it happened. That way the teacher can deal with direct problems and actually see what's going on. Don't be scared that the verbal bullying will get worse if you tell because it's definitely best to get it out in the open and i'm sure your friends will stick by you.
Remember you are in the right here: you are entitled to go to school to learn and they're disrupting your's and everyone else's learning and your mental happiness. This has to be stopped.
If you decide not to tell a teacher (or even if you do) there are other ways to beat this. The best method is to ignore them. I know it's easier said than done, but it's true bullies do get bored if they get no response out of you. Just talk to your friends, try not to look at him and basically pay no attention to whatsoever he's not worth the effort! You are above him.
If you feel brave you could try standing up for yourself and insult him or whatever back - but this can get complicated and end up making matters worse. Maybe a few cutting comments might shut him up, but otherwise i'd say keep quiet. You don't want to stoop to his level do you? remember you're stronger than them.
Nobody should be treated like this. Report the student and the teacher. Don't try and do this yourself...you'll just get into trouble. Maybe try talking to him, ask them why he keeps picking on them and stuff.
if he don't leave you alone, then you should do the following:
What you need to do is going to be really hard. You need to stand up to the him! Don't be mean back, or get upset, just reply with confidence to whatever he say's. If you show them he can't do that, he will quit. Don't be afraid to talk to your parents about this!
Good luck~
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I hate being shy... How can i overcome this?? I mean i just started HS and i dont want people to think of me as the "shy" one.... HOW do you Become NOT shy! if you help automatic 5 (link)
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Hi there,
Shyness, (sometimes inaccurately called 'social phobia'), affects most people at some time in their life. Young people in particular find overcoming shyness difficult as they improve their social skills. And for some, shyness seems to persist into adult life, almost as if it has become a 'habit'.
Shyness has its roots in self consciousness and usually dissipates as people mature and become more experienced. However, for some it can 'stick', and then action is required.
Although most people think in terms of 'overcoming shyness', it is more likely that you will become comfortable in social situations by learning the strategies of self confidence along with social skills. Then, shyness is no longer the issue, as social nerves will melt away as a new 'habit' takes their place.
Shyness versus Social Phobia
social phobia is too often diagnosed where people are simply experiencing natural shyness. It is perfectly natural to be a little timid in a situation where you don't yet know the 'rules', or what to do. In fact, most people experience some degree of nerves when, say going to meet friends, especially if it is somewhere they haven't been before, or someone new will be there.
We have to be very careful not to assume that there is something wrong with this. Social nerves are natural, as long as they don't get out of hand. Focusing on them and making them into a 'big thing' will only make matters worse.
When learning about social situations, young people need the chance to find their own way, without being labeled with 'social phobia'. This is not to say that social phobia does not exist; I know it does because I have worked with people suffering from it. However, in the vast majority of cases, the solution is social skills training, and perhaps relaxation and rehearsal, rather than drugs.
If a person can maintain a degree of calmness in a situation, then they are much more likely to be able to learn about how the situation works. However, if they are highly anxious and internally focused, both their emotional state and focus of attention will make it more difficult to pick up on subtle social cues.
The other key point about overcoming shyness is that most of socialising is an unconscious process. That doesn't mean you should be asleep when you're doing it (tell that to people I speak to at parties ;-), it simply means that much of human communication is non-verbal. That is, 'it's not what you say, it's the way that you say it'.
If you become highly anxious, this will tend to focus your conscious mind on your immediate environment, getting in the way of those unconscious processes.
Tips For Overcoming Shyness
Practise becoming fascinated by other people. Ask them about themselves, and concentrate when they answer you. Remember what they tell you about themselves so you can talk about it later, or on another occasion.
Great socialisers make other people feel comfortable and interesting. How do they do that? By being really, genuinely interested in other people. If you are talking to someone and you feel boring or inferior, ask why that is. Is it really all your fault?
Practise using fewer 'personal pronouns' when you talk about things. Sentences beginning with 'I' are not only a turn-off for the listener, they also keep the focus of attention on you, which increases shyness. (Note: Of course, part of friendship is giving away things about yourself, but only when you feel it is appropriate to do so.)
Remember that the way to overcome shyness is to focus elsewhere. Like on imagining what it will be like to really enjoy the social event, on how it will feel to be full of energy, or to be having a great conversation with someone.
The exercises and techniques contained within the Self Confidence Course should help with shyness because they focus on what to do to feel confident, rather than how to avoid feeling shy.
Overcoming shyness is about doing the things that allow you to enjoy social situations, not wondering why you feel shy!
Good luck
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