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i have serious problems saying no to people. i dont know whats wrong with me.. please no smart comments.. its harder than it sounds
i practice saying no and stuff but when it comes to the time i just.. cant
i think its because ive had some bad history with my boyfriends hitting me when i wouldnt let them so as far as they would like
any adive ?
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Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
Instead of wondering what's wrong with you, why not focus on what's RIGHT with you? What makes you a good, unique person?
When you think about all the things you like about yourself, it'll be easier to stand up for yourself. You need to realize that you DESERVE to be able to make your own mind up. Whether you want to say yes or no to anything at all, that choice is completely and utterly up to you.
Perhaps one options is to stay away from relationships for awhile and get some professional help. Abusive relationships can be hard to overcome, and having someone to talk to can really help. Unless you recognize why you do things, and then break the pattern, it'll just continue to go on and on and on.
And you don't deserve that. You deserve to be strong, to think about what you want or do not want, and to stand up for yourself.
Best of luck.
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Realize their alterior motives.
You may think that you are pleasing a guy, and want to be well liked and shit, but if you do not say no, you will get the reputation of being "easy" or a "slut".
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With your history you may have more of a problem then you think. You may want to seek professional help. Or at least talk to your guidance counsler for help. You may still have a fear of people hitting you. I hope I helped!
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Hi there,
Here are some tips and advice
1. I'm washing my hair. (the lamest excuse there is but hey it works)
2. I think I'm coming down with a cold, and I don't want to give you it.
3. My horoscopes says be wary of men ------- (make something up that sums him up) and that sounds like you so I think things are best left alone don't you?
4. I don't think I'm ready for it just yet.
Stop being a "Yes" person and learn how to say "No".
Do you constantly want to please others? Are you the type of person who will always agree with someone? Do you tend to avoid conflict and will do anything to make people like you? Are you afraid of someone not agreeing with what you have to say?
Fear of rejection
Many people, women especially, have a hard time saying "no". They fear rejection and isolation from others. It is easier to agree with someone or to do what they want, than to face a negative response. To keep from disappointing others, women (and men) do things they know they shouldn't. They tend to put their thoughts, feelings, opinions and health aside for the sake of others. Keeping quiet when a conflict arises( to maintain peace) or agreeing to a project that no one else wants to do, just to be "liked", is a very common trait.
The affect on self-esteem
What does all of this agreeing and saying "yes" do to someone's self-esteem? Their self-worth? Their identity? Do you think it strengthens it? Does it improve it? Does it make a person stronger? It most certainly does the opposite! When you continually give in to the wishes of others, and it is at your expense, your frustration grows deeper and your self-esteem drops!
How happy is someone constantly living a life like this? What choices does a person have to help them get out of this prison?
Personal speaking
I Growing up I wanted to please everyone. I loved the attention I received by saying "yes". I thrived on the positive comments about how great I was for "helping out" or "staying late" or "taking the time" to do something. The praise was great!! However, after a while, I was known as the person people asked to do things they didn't feel like doing. They knew that I wanted to please everyone and that I rarely said "no".
The curse of the "Yes" woman
The curse of saying "yes" followed me through my adult life. Once again, I was trapped and didn't know how to get out! I was saying "yes" to so many things that my health was suffering , I wasn't making time for myself, my self-esteem was plummeting, I truly felt like a hamster running on an exercise wheel, going round and round with no way out!
A good friend of mine finally opened my eyes to how I as acting and what I was doing to myself. I stopped and listened to her and decided to search for help. I sought help from a coach and began to change the way I handled certain situations. I began changing my behavior, my self-image and reactions to certain situations. I was amazed at how the tools I had learned had actually worked the first time I tried them! I was shocked to see how my life started to change!
Hints and tips
What can you do that will help you become more assertive? Here are a few suggestions:
• Make sure you know where you stand on an issue. Do you want to say yes or no? If you aren't sure, simply say "I need some time to think it over , I will get back with you on Monday." That way, you do not have to give an answer right away and it gives the person a definite time to hear back from you.
• Be as brief as possible. Simply state "no" and give a quick reason why. Refrain from giving long, elaborate responses.
• Slow down! Think before you respond. When you are ready to make a statement, think about the words you are going to use and how you will get your point across as assertive as possible.
• Plan ahead. If you know you are going to confront someone or a situation, plan what you will say in advance. Close your eyes and think about how you will respond. Play the conversation over in your head. What will the person say ? How will you react?
• Stand tall! Be aware of your body language. Hold your head high, breathe deeply and feel confident. Letting your head drop, or gazing at the floor while talking to someone can give a negative impression.
• When declining or telling someone "no" and they seem upset or taken back, validate their feelings by stating, " I know this will be a disappointment to you but I won't be able to …"
• If a person is persistent to your "no", it is not necessary to come up with a new explanation each time. Just repeat your "no" calmly and your original reason for declining.
• If you are caught off guard and are asked to do something or go somewhere and you don't particularly want to, say " I wish I could , however I have an appointment." Saying with who you have an appointment with isn't necessary.
These are just a few ideas to take with you to get you on your feet. Many times the fear of saying "no" is partnered with feelings of low self-esteem, lack of self, lack of focus, and failing to meet personal goals. If this describes you, I would recommend getting assistance, like I initially did, to help you get a clear vision on what you truly want for yourself. Talk to a friend, a counselor or hire a coach, like me, who can help you pave a path to the life you have always wanted! The important thing is to take action and to have a plan in place!
Goodluck
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saying no can be hard.. i know. but you cant do things you dont want to do and they shouldnt be able to make you. If they try anything sexual with you you should say no if thats what you feel. Other wise that can lead to some serious things. Like Rape. And if you're bf hits you its time to dump him. you dont need him. And I think you should talk to your parents/friend/councelor or someone you trust about this because it isnt far if you cant stop it. I hope i helped you alot.
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this is something you have to really work on..you wont be able to all of a sudden be able to say no. . it will take dedication. dont give up..keep in mind certain things :
- this is YOUR life..dont live it with regrets..say NO when needed
- being passive like this can lead to bad things..being pressured and giving in to things like sexual activity, violence, etc.
maybe that got you a little more motivated. talk to your friends about your problem..this way if you find yourself in a situation maybe they can kinda say NO for you until you can say it yourself..
talk to a counselor..parent.etc.
good luck!
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It sounds like you need to do two things -
First, get away from anybody who doesn't take no for answer, particularly a boy who wants do things sexally that you don't. There are laws and they can be enforced, and if you're being hit or otherwise coerced into sex, that is illegal.
Second, it sounds like the problem is deeper than just having someone abuse you. At some level of consciousness, you've convinced yourself that this is "normal" behavior and/or that you don't "deserve" any better. You do. I'd recommend that you start with some counseling (if you've been abused, you need to talk about it with someone who knows how to untangle the mental knots that causes). I'd also recommend finding a book by a gentleman named Nathaniel Braden, Honoring the Self. You can order it from Amazon; you may also be able to find it at your local library. It's about how to realize that you are a rational person and that you owe yourself more than what you're presently giving yourself.
No one deserves coercion, no one deserves abuse.
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Your what they call passive, which means you always do what people tell you to, which could lead to bad things, like rape, (like you described) or drugs.
Talk to your school counsilor, or your health teacher, because that's where i learned about this. I know it sounds hard, and i know your thinking "its not that simple" but you've just got to say no. Try small things like telling your friends you don't want to hang out, or something like that, and work your way up to things like your boyfriend. If YOU dont want to go as far as he wants, then you dont have to. Technically what he did was abuse, and if he made you go farther thats sexual abuse, which is serious. Talk to you parents or your school counsilors.
Glad to help.
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