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If your spouse passes away, when is it appropriate to take off the wedding ring? I realize that this is dependant on the specific individual, so if I may rephrase this:

How do you know when it's TIME to take off the wedding ring.. if there IS a such a "time"?

Only you will be able to tell when you are ready. There can never be a specific time limit. Everyone goes through the grieving process in different ways. My mom, for example, had been married to my dad for 26 years, and he died 4 years ago from brain cancer. The first year and a half after his death she wore the ring everday like she normally would when he was alive. After about 2 years I noticed her wearing it less, and switching her engagement ring with a different ring she had bought, but she still continued to wear the wedding band with it. Now she occasionally will wear her wedding band/engagement ring set, depending on her mood. Everyone handles grieving in different ways. Some people feel guilty if they don't wear their wedding rings after their spouse passes away, as if not wearing the ring is being disrespectful to the memory of their spouse. Other people feel that if they wear the wedding ring, that they are decieving other people around them, and not coping with their loss properly. Some people will wear their wedding rings around a necklace instead of on their finger, that way they can have it with them and not feel like they are disrespecting their spouse in any way. Other people will have their wedding rings buried with their spouse. It all just depends on how you feel about this and what you are comfortable doing. No one will say anything to you if they see you not wearing it. When you wear the ring, you are holding onto the memory of your spouse and the life that you both had. It helps you cope with their loss knowing that you have something left of their commitment to you when they were alive. Depending on how you grieve, this could be very comforting to you, having the ring still on your finger. If it hurts you to wear the ring, and reminds you too much of what you no longer have, then I suggest storing it in something special in your room, putting it on a necklace, or framing your rings with a special dedication poem or saying of some sort. Only you will know when you are truly ready to move on and discontinue wearing your wedding rings. Hope my advice helped. I wish you all the best. ~Sherah

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ok well i just now got home from a pretty interestin night- heres the story.. well ive been goin out w. this guy for 17 months now and things hve been off and on - you know good and bad - && i hve seriously liked this one guy forever. since i first met him but things never worked out -FYI these 2 two diff guys- ok well i was at my bfs tonight and before hand i had plans to go with this guy (that i liked forever but had no feelings for now.. -well when he picked me up) bc things hve been kinda wierd and i needed to tlk to someone.. well i had plans to go to my bfs so i was at my bfs for a little bit then the guy i DID like came and picked me up so we can tlk.. so we drove and then parked and tlked FOREVER! i mean we tlked about everything and he completely understands me.. and then one thing lead to another and we were kissing.. and i mean i know he didnt hve it planned to end like that. and it was all just perfect.. but i also hve a bf like i said.. and i mean we hve been together for a very long time and we hve been through alot together -- good and bad-- but i mean its highschool now and im not sher if i just need to "move on" and see what else is out there. me and the boy both decided not to tell anyone until we r both ready (hes single by the way) so now i cant get ahold of my bf and i dont know what to do.. shuld i tel him and break up? not tell him and break up with him? not tell him and not break up? im sooooo confused!!!! please please help me! and noooo stupid comments from u assholes out there.. and please could you hurry with the responses!

Well hun, I've been there and done that and I'm not going to promise this will be easy, or I would be lying to you. Either way you choose you will be desperatley hurting someone. Consider your options. You and you boyfriend have been together for a LONG time and you have been through a lot with him. And this other guy you have had feelings for a while now and he understands you. It really is tough when you have this guy that totally understands you who you can talk freely to and then you have a boyfriend who you've been with forever and has many qualities you like as well. Sometimes you wish you could combine those two guys into one and it would be the "perfect" man, but life doesn't go that way. You need to choose. You shouldn't have left your boyfriends house with that other guy. That is just WRONG. And what you did with that other guy is wrong as well, but only YOU should be the only one to judge yourself. And use the way you judge yourself as a way to see which direction you should go. If you feel incredibly guilty about what you did and you picture your life without your boyfriend and it seems awful, then you need to stay with him. But the worst part will be telling him the truth. He DESERVES to know. It is hard telling someone you know cares about you, that you betrayed their trust and cheated on them. But you made the wrong, so you need to undo it. Either way you decide to go: 1. To stay with your boyfriend or 2. To go with the other guy, you need to tell you boyfriend the truth. Tell him tactfully about it. Say it like this: "(his name), I need to talk to you about something. It's not easy for me to talk about this but you deserve to know. The night I hung out with my guy friend, we were talking about you and me and everything that had been going on in our lives, and we ended up kissing. I didn't mean for it to go that far but it did. I'm really sorry. I love you so much and I want you to know that I made a mistake. I still want to be with you, but it is your decision, not mine." Use this if you decide to be with him. If you don't want to, then after you tell him what happened and that you love him, add in that because of what you did, you don't think it is right for you two to be together. And then mention that you think that you guys breaking up would be the best thing for the both of you. I honestly don't know what you should do, but when I cheated on my (now) ex boyfriend, I told him what happened and then broke up with him. I still cared about him alot, but things weren't working out between us and even though we had been through alot together, I didn't feel happy with him after a while. I regret cheating on him, but everything happens for a reason. He still wanted to be with me after I told him because he loved me so much, but I didn't want to stay with him. So just because you tell your boyfriend the truth doesn't mean he won't want to be with you, if that is what you want. I think you guys might be better taking a break but trying to remain friends and see where that leads. It will be hard for a while, but this break leaves the possibility for you guys going back out again. Sometimes a little time apart can make you realize how much you really love eachother and care about eachother, and that can only make your relationship stronger. And if it doesn't work out in the end then it doesn't. I would NOT immediately start going out with the guy you cheated on him with though. That creates alot of unneccesary drama and issues. You said it yourself that you aren't sure if you want a boyfriend in highschool that is this serious, since it IS highschool. I don't think you have really found the person you want to be with all your life, and rarely people find that person in highschool anyway. So maybe breaking up is the best option. Play the field and see what other guys are out there. Being single sometimes sucks, but you get to meet a whole bunch of different types of guys. By playing the field a while, instead of immediately jumping into a new relationship, you discover what type of guy you really like, and what qualities you really want in a guy. I don't know you but I'm really not sure if you know what you want. So I think you need to figure that out and decide what you will do. Weigh in your options. Think of the pro's and con's of being with both guys. And consider yourself and which relationship would make you more happy. Think about which relationship you think will last longer and has a better possibility of working out in the future. I really wish you the best of luck, and I hope everything works out for you. Hope I helped! If you need anymore advice, feel free to note my inbox. ~Sherah

**** My AIM is: nawtyvixen4u ****

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Okay, I'm on birthcontrol. But, when you're on bc do you have to use a condom? And can he cum inside you and you still be safe? I"LL RATE 5's!!!

You can still not use a condom when you are on birth control, but I don't suggest it just because birth control is not all the way effective against pregnancy. Without a condom you are also most succeptible to STD's and other diseases. Plus if you are using birth control pills you might mess it up by not taking a pill at the right time and that could lead you succeptible to becoming pregnant if you don't use protection of some sort. Hope I helped. ~Sherah

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I am currently in my first "serious" relationship with this guy. My previous ones were just what I call meaningless flings where there was only a physical attraction. This guy is different though. I really love him, which I never though I'd say about anyone. We talked for a while before we started dating, and realized that we had a lot in common. When we talk to each other, I am beginning to notice possibly bipolar tendencies. He can be very depressed and suicidal at times. I've dealt with depression and suicidal thoughts for a long time, so I do not want to leave him at this time, yet it makes me feel shittier than usual.... Know that some aspects of this situation have been deleted due to the context rules of Advicenators.

Any advice?

Alright, I don't know exactly how long you guys have been together but I can totally relate. I have had many short term realtionships in the past and when I found that right guy, I knew I loved him, even if we hadn't been together that long. One of ex boyfriends was bi-polar and I dated him for 7 months. He threatened to kill himself sometimes and this scared me alot. The thought of losing him made me so depressed. Well we ended up breaking up but still were friends, and he still was thinking of killing himself, since we weren't dating anymore. I felt so upset, as if it was my fault. Well now I'm in love again with my current bf, and I have been real depressed lately as well. We fight alot, and I have been feeling shitty and restless lately as if I'm not happy but I don't want to leave him either. All I have to say is that you NEED to talk to him. Let him know that you have dealt with depression before and suicidal thoughts, and that you DON'T want to lose him. Talking through things like this is the best way to get it through to him that you care and that what he is doing will cause you pain. You didn't exactly ask a question or give much information so it is kind of hard for me to try and figure out how to help you, but if you want note my inbox back I'll be able to help you better. I hope everything goes okay with you and your bf. But please feel free to note my inbox back so I can help. ~Sherah

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hey there's this guy that's new and he goes to my middle school now. he's really cute and nice and funny and talented, and i really like him. a lot of other people in my grade like him too, but i've never talked to him before because i have no classes with him, and during lunch he usually goes to a club. i want to get to know him more, and i want to be able to talk to him. my x wanted to know who i liked, and i told him, and he said he would hook me up with him for me, but i told him not to. the next day my x told me he asked the guy that i like if he likes me, and he said no. i was really sad about that. is there anything i can do so that he'll start to like me? and is there anything i can say to him if i ever have the chance to see him? im really shy, and i'm not so good at talking to people that i like and i've never even talked to before.
please help!!!!! i rate high for good answers!!

Alright, many people have this problem. It is hard to talk to someone you like when you haven't even said one thing to them in the first place. All I have to say is: How well do you know him? What do you like about him? You obviously think he is cute and only know general things about him, but you don't KNOW him. You have a crush on him, but you can't truly like him for who he is without getting to know him. And I don't want to sound rude but you made a HUGE mistake telling your ex about who you liked. One: It is none of his buisness who you like, and Two: He shouldn't have said anything to the guy you liked in the first place, since you told him not to. You should ALWAYS keep your crushes to yourself. Now the guy already knows you like him and he has already made his opinion about you without ever getting a chance to know you. So it is his loss, not yours. He says he doesn't like you so there is not much you can do, because you can't "make" someone like you. They either do or they don't. If you continue trying to get him to like you, you might come off as creepy or stalkerish, and that will only make things worse. I'll give you a real life example from my own experience. I was in 7th grade and I had a HUGE crush on this sort of popular guy. He was out of my league and I was not real shy, but I had trouble talking to guys I liked. So one day he got an assigned seat next to me in class. This was the only class I had with him, so I was excited. We gradually started talking, starting off with me asking for an eraser, and then a piece of paper... Well I could tell he kind of liked me but he never admitted it. When it was just him and me I KNEW he liked me. But when he was around his popular friends, I was invisible to him. I held on to him even though I knew he wasn't right for me because I liked him SO much and I wanted to make him like me. Well one day I told one of my guy friends who I liked and it got around. The next day EVERYONE knew. He said he didn't like me at all and then he started going out with this real popular girl. It hurt me really bad because I thought I didn't measure up to him and I wasn't good enough. People kept calling me his stalker and it really bothered me. Well a year passed and I got over him. I realized that I deserved better. I was not the one with the problem, I was not the one who didn't measure up... HE was. And ironically guess who started liking me in 8th grade and 9th grade? He did. And did I give him the light of day? Nope. Because he was immature and not worth it. So all I'm saying is don't take any bull shit from this guy. He said he doesn't like you. Whether it is the truth or not, it doesn't matter. It is time to move on. You can get way better and if he really got to know you I'm sure he would really like you. So try working on your social skills so you aren't so shy. The more you break out of your shell the more people will notice what an amazing person you are. If you see someone you haven't talked to before and they look friendly, strike up a conversation. Make yourself known. People will realize that your not the "shy girl" anymore. Wear clothes that make you feel confident. Style your hair a new way that will get you noticed. Make a dramtic change to how you do your make up. These outside changes will make people look at you. The next step from there is to become more outgoing. If you look friendly and outgoing people will WANT to talk to you. So just focus on becoming less shy, and forget about this guy for right now. If it is meant to be it will happen. I hope my advice helped and if you ever need anything note my inbox. Good Luck! ~Sherah

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hey i have light brown hair and i just cut it ..it was down to the middle of my back and now its at my shoulders(i wanted a change) i was wondering what hair styles i can do to make my hair look "hot" by the way im 13 and i have thick hair

Alrite, there are many "hot" styles for your type of hair. Since your hair is thick you don't have to worry about volume. I suggest buying a straightning iron and straightening serum. On some days you can straighten your hair and part it down the side a little bit, making your hair style have a sort of edge. On other days you can straighten it like usual but then add texture. Buy a pomade or texture gel and run it through your hair after its dry/damp. This "just out of bed" look is REAL hot right now and looks great with shorter hair. You can also try a "beach" look by spritzing your hair with a gel and shine spray and then scrunching it while it is still sort of damp. It makes crimps and loose waves/curls. These styles are all real hot right now and will work great with your hair type. Hope I helped. Need any more advice with styling your hair note my inbox for more ideas. ~Sherah

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My boyfriend and I were having sex, same as normal. We put the condom on correctly, but it still broke in the middle of us having sex. He hadn't cum yet so we just stopped there and finished in ways other then sex. My boyfriend said he didn't pre-cum, but I'm not sure that he knows exactly what that means, and I'm pretty sure you can't control that kind of thing. Is there a good chance that I could still get pregnant or anything I could do?

I need a real answer, so please, no 13 year olds that are just guessing.

Well all guys claim they didn't pre-cum or cum, but they can't controll this. Pre-cum is not the same thing as actually cumming. Pre-cum happens during the course of sex before they finally cum all the way. Many guys just think that when you are talking about "pre-cum" that you are talking about when they cum all the way. So talk to your boyfriend and ask him what he thinks pre-cum is. Even if he knows it still makes no difference, because he can't stop himself from pre-cumming. It is a natural thing that happens, and this is why when people have sex without a condom and pull out there is still a HUGE possibilty of pregnancy. Also I would consider going to a Planned Parenthood or Teen Clinic in your area if you are scared you might be pregnant. They sell Morning After pills for usually around $40 and everything is confidential so your parents don't have to know. So I suggest calling and scheduling an appointment. While you're there, you should also ask them about condom brands, and which ones are less likely to break. Trojans are one of the most durable condoms out there, but they can still break if not put on right. You may think he is putting on the condom right but since it always is breaking when you guys have sex, then he obviously isn't putting it on right. It is embarrassing to tell a guy he doesn't know how to put on a condom right, but if he isn't putting it on right and it keeps breaking, then you need to tell him. Here is a link that shows the proper way to put on a condom:
http://www.ripnroll.com/proper.htm
When a condom breaks it is because air has gotten into the condom when putting it on, causing pressure. When the pressure of the air and the condom gets to high during sex, the condom will bust. Well I hope I have helped and if you need any other advice then feel free to note my inbox anytime. ~Sherah

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Hey guys. I lost the key to my 1980 pontiac. I've called around and the cheapest locksmith that I can find is $100. Does anyone know any cheaper alternatives to locksmiths? Also, the door key and ignition key are the same, is there a chance that it's cheaper to get a door key?

Thanks!

Go to your car dealer and tell them you lost your key and you want a replacement. Give them your cars VIN (Vehicle Identification Number) which is located on your windshield on the bottom left or right corner. They should give you a replacement key for free or for a minimum fee. If you can't get a key from a car dealer because you purchased it from another person then I suggest calling up every locksmith in your area, tell them your problem, and find the cheapest one. After finding the cheapest one, I suggest you get doubles of the key, that way if you lose it another time you won't have to worry about this again. Hope I helped. ~Sherah

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I have a 94 Ford Taurus with almost 140,000 miles. I continue to put money into it for repairs and many of the parts have been replaced. Yet again something is wrong, I need new front breaks, springs and struts. It is about $1000 in repairs. My question is do I fix my car in hopes it will last 3-4 more years without major repairs or should I finaly junk it and spend the money towards a new used car with 40,000 miles. Something around $4000-$5000. I am at a loss of what to do?

Sorry to say this but I think you have wasted alot of money in the past on your Ford Taurus, when you should have considered buying a car far before. If it has 140,000 miles and is always falling apart, I think it is time for a new car or truck. You can get many nice new cars, trucks, SUV's, whatever you want with the price range that you have. With $4,000 to $5,000 you can probably get a real nice car or truck, depending on what you want. It walso depends what you want to do to your car or truck after you purchase it. If you want to get it repainted and get body work done on it, then you should buy a less expensive car and save the rest of the money for the body work. Don't waste anymore money on your Ford Taurus. It is NOT worth it! Just shop around for a new car and be kind of picky, that way you will get a good deal and will get something you will really like and will be able to keep for 4-5 years. Hope I helped. ~Sherah

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Im 13/ female, and i have been cutting for about 4 years now. I had been doing better, with everything and finally getting over the things that had happened, I stopped seeing my dad which helped alot. At the beginning of this year, my mom sent me and my sister back to live at my dads house. I started getting hit again, and the school called my house a ton of times asking about the bruises. i made up excuses that people eventually just stopped believing and everyone figured the truth. Lately things have been getting really bad again and i've overdosed two times in the past month, and have had to get my stomach pumped. I have been cutting so much more and i hate what it does to my friends when they find out but im at the point where i just cant stop, and i really dont want to its the only thing that helps. i dont know what to do, can anyone help me ?

thanks

Well, I know you have heard this before but it is the truth and you NEED to listen. Go get help. If you can't stop then you need someone to help you stop. Go talk to your mom, and also to your teachers at school. If you can't make yourself stop then the only thing you can do is go to someone that can. You really need to be counseled because even after you stop cutting you are still going to be emotionally and physically damaged from everything that has happened to you in the past. So I seriously suggest you get help from a trusted adult. What you are doing IS NOT a healthy way to handle the pain you are going through in life. So PLEASE get help. If you don't want your friends worrying about you all the time, then come to them and let them support you. Get out of that house and stop living with your dad. What he is doing to you is not right! I was hit when I was younger by my dad, but luckily it wasn't on a daily basis. I know for a fact that if I was still around him today and he treated me like that, that I would be having problems too. So you need to get out of the bad situation that you're in and get help immediately. The longer you wait for help, the better chance you will have from hurting yourself so bad that something really bad will happen. So please take my advice. Don't wait for people to come to you and try to decipher what is going on with you. YOU need to come to them. I wish you the best of luck and I pray that you listen to what I'm saying. You are only 13 and you have a whole lot of life to live ahead. If you need anything just message my inbox back and I will be happy to help.
~Sherah

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I've been friends with this guy for about 2 years now, and a few months ago he confessed to me that he really likes me. i told him i wasn't sure about my feelings (beyond friendship) and that i didn't want to rush anything, and he was okay with it. we don't see each other too often, but i enjoy the time we spend together. i'd be ready to take the relationship further because we really are a good match personality-wise and i do like him a lot, but the only thing that bothers me about him are his looks. i hate admitting that to myself and i'm ashamed that i let it stand in my way. he's a really great guy, but physically he's like a 3 on 10! i know i should be able to, well, look past his looks, but it's hard to imagine being more than friends with someone you aren't really attracted to. i'm just so angry with myself...but i can't help it...i can't see myself being able to introduce him to people as my boyfriend or kissing him. it drives me up the wall being unsure of what i want just because he's far from good-looking! i've never thought of myself as shallow; i've been with other guys who couldn't have been considered that cute and it didn't bother me because i liked them for their personality, but this guy is just so far from even that...what's worse is that recently i met another guy who's really cute and who seems interested in me, and even though i don't feel nearly as much of a connection with him as i feel with my other friend, i'm tempted by him because he's just...so much more tempting!! i don't want to hurt anyone and i don't want to make the wrong choice because something stupid is holding me back. sorry for this being so long, but if anyone has any advice i'd appreciate it VERY much!

Alright, I have totally been there. And I know exactly how you are feeling. You don't want to be one of those stuck up, superficial girls that just dates a guy for his looks. But if you feel bad about it and you know that you aren't like that, then stop beating yourself up about it. You know you have a connection with him, but attraction is far from what you would want/need in a relationship. So here is the deal: you shouldn't think that it is so wrong not to date him because of his looks. I've dated guys that weren't exactly hot as hell, cute, or even decent in many people's views, but to me their personality made them so amazing that looks didn't matter. But there have been a few guys that just didn't even strike me as okay looking. They had great personalities and I could totally connect with them on an emotional level, but if I thought about anything physically I would feel sick. THAT is not a good sign! You may love his personality, and you may feel an emotional connection with him, but that's not the whole issue. To have a good, lasting relationship with someone there HAS to be attraction as well. This doesn't mean that you are superficial. Everyone knows that there has to be attraction and a connection emotionally for a real relationship to actually work. And if you date him because you don't want to hurt his feelings you will be hurting him even worse in the end and you could mess up a great friendship. So just lay low and then let him know that you're just not sure if dating would be a good idea because you guys have been friends for so long and it could potentially mess things up between you two if something happened when you guys were dating. He should definently understand. Now the other guy that is super cute and you are tempted by? Give him a chance. And by that I mean get to know him. You may be tempted by his looks, but you got to make sure there is more to him then just his looks. Get to know him, talk to him, and see if you guys have more than just that physical connection. Now if you guys do end up getting together just be wary of your guy friend. He will most definently be hurt by this because he wished he was that guy, and he will probably sense the real reason why you won't date him is possibly because of his looks. But if he gets offended and says you never dated him because of his looks, let him know that that was NOT the problem. Sometimes lying can be a good thing. lol. Well I hope my advice has helped. If you need anymore advice feel free to message my inbox. Good luck!
~Sherah

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what's the best way to get rid of dark under-eye circles?

Well unfortunately you can't get rid of them and there are TONS of bogus creams on the market that "claim" to make dark circles disappear. I have dark circles too and all I do is use undereye concealor to cover it up. I would not try using liquid makeup undereye concealor. It doesn't stay on long and doesn't cover well. Try using a concealor stick and make sure to pick a shade that is just half a shade lighter than the rest of your face, because if it is too light it will make you look even worse. Try Physicians Formula Concealor Cube at CVS and other drugstores. It last long and covers really well. I use this when I get zits too, so trust me, it covers great. I hope my advice helped. ~Sherah

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sorry this is going to be long... but i really need help!! me and this guy (we'll call him chris) have been "together" i guess you could say for about 3 months.... well last night i found out my best friend broke a truce we made a while ago... we both said we'd never smoke weed, and she did all bc she got a new bf...well i told chris about it and he ended up talkin to her online... she told him i took 6 sleeping pills earlier... (which i told her, bc i wanted her to know how i felt) (i really only took 1 tho bc i havnt slept in 4 days... im an insomniac) well chris got really upset and yelled at me about how stupid it was... (he asked about the pills and i told him 6 bc i didnt want him to tell her otherwise) so he screamed at me for bein so stupid.. and he hung up, then he told his mom about it. so now i dont think his momll let us see each otehr again... but also i dont think he wants to talk to me... i told him the truth about me only taking one pill...and he was upset hes like well why didnt you tell me before... and i was like bc i knew you would tell her and i want her to understand the way i feel... ive already apoligized to him about makin him freak out over nothing... and now he wont talk to me, so i need help, likeon what to do... what to tell him.. please help.


((me and my best friend are no longer on talking terms bc i felt like she had taken it too far, and she had ruined everythin we had... but what i mostly need to know is what to do about chris... please help!! and thank you so much!!.))

Alright, this situation is a difficult one but easily solvable depending on your bf and his reaction. Obviously you taking 6 sleeping pills scared the shit out of him, because in his mind its basically like you were taking 6 to try and kill yourself. And your best friend either let him know that because she cared too, or because she wished to sabotage your relationship. If she did it to try to break you guys up, then I would be very wary of her and her intentions. Think: Does he still talk to her? Is there anything she could be telling him to make him never want to talk to you? And also think about your friendship with her: Is your friendship more important to you, or is it of little significance to you that you would let one broken promise tear you guys apart? I've been in this situation. My own sister started trying weed and we had promised eachother that we would never do that. My sister and me are close as hell, and are eachothers best friends, so when she did that it not only hurt me but pissed me off, because she broke a promise, and she seemed "proud" of herself, like it was cool or something. I ended up trying it once and then another time with my sister, and it never did anything to me. It was stupid so I made her swear to never try it again. I understood why she tried it though. She did because she wanted to try it, because she had never done that before and everyone makes a big deal about it. And she was curious. Well she ended up doing it again and I told her she better fucking stop and I started dissing her bad, saying shit like: "You're going to be so damn stupid this year because of that, and you might not realize it now, but your brain cells are being killed everytime you use it and in the end you are just going to be known as a pot smoking idiot!" And she took the insult harshly but understood that I was right. She says it doesn't do anything to her, so why do it then, right? So just think: Is there any promise you ever made to your best friend that you broke and she forgave you about? Maybe you should rethink your attitude towards her. If she tried it to try it then she still broke that promise, but aren't we all humans? Don't we all make mistakes. I suggest apologizing to her and then letting her know that you didn't take 6 sleeping pills. The main problem in this situation was your drive to make everything more dramatic. You wanted to show your best friend that her stupid mistake was hurting you and making you make stupid mistakes. And that innocent little white lie has just erupted into a big problem. So undo that lie and bring out the truth. She might be pissed at you for lying at first, but does she really have a right to be pissed at you for lying when she lied to you too? She sure as hell doesn't. But then again that goes for you too. She lied and broke a promise, and then you lied to make her feel real bad about it. So tell her the truth. Tell her you are sorry for freaking out and being all pissed about her doing pot and let her know that you only got mad because you promised eachother that you would never do that and she did. Then drop the bomb. Tell her that you were so upset about what she did that you said you took 6 pills when you really didn't and you only took 1. Tell her your sorry for lying but you wanted her to see that her potentially dangerous mistake of doing weed could cause more pain to others than she even realized. If she is understanding and you guys are good friends, then this little mistake should blow over. And after you guys have everything settled, make a new promise to eachother. Let her know calmly that you don't feel at all comfortable with what she is doing and you are just being her friend by letting her know how you feel. And if she is a good friend she will understand this. Now about your bf. He cares about you alot and you saying this scares him because he doesn't want to lose you. And then when he finds out you lied about it, he not only feels stupid for freaking out but he feel betrayed, because you couldn't even trust him enough to tell him the truth. This situation happened with my sister. Her bf lied to her and said that he has fucked two different girls last night to get her reaction. And she broke up with him. Then he called back getting pissed at her for not trusting him and he said, "She should've known I would never do a thing like that!" But I had to explain to him, that she DID trust him, because when someone says something like that what is she suppose to think. That he is just fucking around with her and being funny. Anyone's first instinct would be to get pissed and not want to talk to that person ever again. Your situation is not as bad of a situation but the same rules apply. He has EVERY right to be mad at you. You lied to him, and by doing that he is going to have a hard time trusting you. Its like the boy that cried wolf. (If your not familar with this story I'll briefly tell it) He said there was a wolf coming into the town 2 times and the town got scared and hid in their homes, later to find out the boy was just lying about it thinking it was funny. So the third time a wolf was actually coming and again the boy cried "WOLF!" But did anyone listen to him? Nope. So when you talk to him be very apologetic. Say something like, "Look Chris, I'm so sorry for saying what I said. I should've told you the truth about the pills, but I didn't want my best friend to know that I only took 1. I wanted her to think I took 6 so she could see that her actions have consequesnces not only for herself, but to other people that care about her too. And I shouldn't have done that. I've already told her what I had lied about. And I'm really sorry I lied to you more than anyone. You have every right to be mad at me. I made you think I had done something stupid and I am wrong for putting you through that. I know for a fact I would hate it if you put me through that. Please forgive me for what I did. I'm really sorry and I promise to be truthful to you from now on." Hopefully he accepts the apology and moves forward. But I don't know how your bf is or how your best friend is either. So I wish you all the best and if anything else happens, be sure to note my inbox back for more advice. I hope everything works out for you. Sorry this advice is so long, I just had alot to comment about. Good Luck!

~Sherah

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is anyone else here sick of the people who will say they'll rate and they don't.. or the ones who are to lazy to find a song title on google.. god it's annoying! if you agree answer i'll rate ; ) haha for real though

Well I'm not here for the ratings but if someone offers it and I answer their question the best of my ability then its kind of annoying when they don't rate, but it doesn't really bug me. But the questions that can be answered if the person actually took the time to use google or something does sort of bug me. They waste time waiting for people to reply when they could have done it themselves in two seconds. lol. But I'm certainly not going to bitch at someone who does that. If they feel like wasting their time, more power to them. What I'm sick of are the 13 and 14 year old little boys on here that are only on this site to leave stupid, sarcastic "advice" thinking they are funny. It just pisses everyone off! I've asked a few questions and have got one or two stupid comments from those idiots and it annoys the shit out of me. The moderator should block them from the site or something. lol

~Sherah

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okay so this guy and i have been hanging out a lot. he tells me he likes me, and says he wants to ask me out, but he still hasnt, he told me he was waiting for he right time...well i think he likes his ex gf, bc i was lookin at his phone and he had text messages for her...adn he said she just got a bf, and even tho he doesnt have feelings for her, its ripping him apart. ive already done a lot with him, which is pretty unusual for me, bc i have such a hard time trustung guys...yesterday he expected me to do tuff with him, and when i told him i didnt want to he figured something was wrong...i really like him... more then anyother guy ive ever liked... but i have no idea what to do about him... any ideas?? please help!!

I have been through the exact same situation, no lie! So I can totally relate. My ex bf is now dating my best friend, and I found that very upsetting even though I definently have no feelings for him. But I have a bf too so I got over the issue and I'm fine. But him on the other hand, a whole different story. Once he found out I had a bf he flipped out. He kept IMing everyday and emailing me telling me that my bf is gonna cheat on me, is going to play me, and is going to dump me once he gets something from me. And it pissed me off that he was saying all of this because he has never met my bf and he knows nothing about him! So then he ended up spilling his feelings to my sister. He told her that he still has feelings for me and that it's hard to make them go away when now he sees me with someone else and he doesn't want to see me hurt. So here is the deal... He likes you and he definently wants to date you. But one problem: the stuff you do with him. I liked this one guy SO much and he liked me SO much too. And I'm very untrusting of guys but with him I moved into messing around pretty quickly because I felt comfortable and fully trusted him. BIG mistake! He ended up thinking of me as a fling and then everytime we did hang out I felt as if I HAD to mess around with him to keep him coming back to me. And it really hurt having to realize that me moving to fast potentially messed everything up. So what I suggest you do is talk to him about it. Talk to him about his ex gf and about anything else on yours and his mind. Get him to open up. Guys tend to not open up easily, so when you get them to open up about their feelings it helps them form an emotional connection to you. That will help outcast the whole physical connection you two already have. And try to cut down on all the physical stuff. Kissing and making out is fine, but anything more than that shouldn't be done. That will make it seem like thats all your about and could turn what you guys do into an 'everytime you see eachother' kind of thing. This will end up hurting you more than anyone. You will feel used and played because he isn't even dating you. So just cut that down. The easiest way to do this is to hang out at places where you can't do anything else than make out really. Go to the movies, eat out, hang out with a bunch of friends, and then if you guys are alone initiate a deep conversation. Any questions you want answered by him, ask them then. And allow him to open up and spill his feelings about everything. If he does still have feelings for ex don't get offended. Listen to him and try and help him know that you can relate to how he is feeling. Everyone has had a bf or gf that they cared about so much. And even after they had broken up and they were 'over them', once the ex bf or gf had someone else they got jealous and upset. It happens. It doesn't mean that you still like the person necessarily. I'm sure you have been through the same thing. If he opens up about it then feel free to add your imput with your own personal experience. That shows him that you want to relate and be there for him and that you understand his feelings. I hope my advice has really helped you and if you ever need any advice don't hesitate to ask me. Good luck!
~Sherah

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im 17/f me and my boyfriend have been dating for 7 months and about a month ago he broke up with me cuz we fight too much. that lasted about 2 hours and we got back together. last night i broke up with him because i never see him....he chooses everything else over me. we both said it wouldnt be a permanent thing but now 12 hours later, i want him back. i told him this and he said its too soon and we should just wait it out but i cant live without him. im not suicidal so dont say anything about that but i love him so much and i dont want to just wait it out...WHAT DO I DO? HOW CAN I GET HIM BACK?

Well I know exactly what you are going through. In my last relationship with my (now) ex bf I broke up with him because he kept getting in trouble and we were fighting a lot. We had been dating for 7 months too. After about 3 hours I desperately wanted him back. But I stood strong to what I had decided because I knew that no matter how bad I missed him now, that in the end it wouldn't be the best thing for me. So I suggest you do exactly what he wants. Give him time. Give yourself time. Obviously since you both were fighting alot you have alot of unsolved issues. To get this to work, you guys both need to settle those issues BEFORE you start dating again. That way when you start dating there won't be any lingering issues that can cause your already stressed relationship worse. If you both end up growing apart, which is definently what you don't want, don't give up. It's not the end of the world. Trust me. There will be other guys. I just met my recent bf out of the blue at a fair when I wasn't even looking for a bf. So don't be discouraged. You're only 17 and I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. So if this doesn't work out, there is always a good reason. Maybe your ex isn't the right guy for you, but maybe he is. Either way you need to give him a chance to figure things out for himself and the same for you. I know it will be driving you crazy to be with him but you both need to think things through and decide if you guys being together is worth it. In the end everything should work out. Just give him his space but still be there for him. Give him a week and then call him and try to find a way to ask him what all he thinks went wrong in your guys relationship. Talk with him about it calmly and certainly don't fight. Maybe after a long, good talk you both can figure it out and start dating. Just don't worry about it. Everything will be fine. I hope my advice helps you. If you ever need any advice you can ask me anytime. Let me know how things go. Best of luck!
~Sherah

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okay. i need to talk to someone and none of my friends can really help. my parents are divorced and i dont see my dad very often. i live with my mother who is an alcoholic and gets pissed off easliy. today my brother and mom got into a huge fight. she is now gone, i mean she just left. i called her and she said that she just needed to be alone. she hasnt returned yet, and i dont know what to do. i am only 14 and my brother 11. she is most likely going to come home incredibly drunk and when she is drunk life just sucks... i dont know what to do anymore because i am just sick of it. this isnt the first time she has just left......

I suggest you talk to her when she is sober and tell her how you feel. If she really cares about you then she will go and find help. If there is any way that you can find a friend or another person in the family to stay with then I really strongly suggest that you do it. Living in an unsafe household at your age is not a good idea, especially since you are exposed to alcohol and its effects on a daily basis. So please try and find someone to stay with for a while. If your mom denies her problem and doesn't try to change her habits with drinking then you need to take action. It will be hard for you at your age to take the reins like an adult and face this problem alone but you may need to do it because her problem affects her life, yours, and your brother's life too. And since your mom isn't acting like a responsible adult, you need to. If she refuses to get help, go to an adult you trust and tell them your problem. Make sure that you have a place to stay and that you can find someone trustworthy to confide in. Good luck! If you need any advice just note me anytime!
~Sherah

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i've counted up the days after my peirod and i think my boyfriend and i missed my ovulation days by a few days everytime. the last time we had sex and i could have been ovulation would have been on the 2nd of this month. and i took a test yesterday that came up negative. do you think i'll have a positive result later on? or should it have showed up by now?

By now I think it should have already showed up, but keep on taking tests once a week because sometimes the tests are faulty and you never know. To be more accurate I would go to a doctor for the tests and for help on how to find the exact days you are ovulating because it is really hard to try and figure that out yourself. Some girls ovulate right after their period, some right before, and some in the time between periods. So I highly suggest you go to a doctor to make sure you can accurately figure out when you ovulate. I hope I have helped.
~Sherah

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HELP ME! I WILL RATE 5s FOR ANYONE WHO TRYS TO HELP! i am going out with this guy that i really like and i kinda like this other guy to and he likes me and idk what to do cause i like the guy i am going out with and i dont want us to break up! what is a better choice. THANKS SO MUCH

If you really like your bf then stay with him! The other guy should respect that you are in a relationship right now. If he likes you then he should wait and see if you and your bf work out or not. You should do the same. How well do you know this other guy? Believe it or not but people act different when someone is dating another person. I've been there and done that so I can really relate to your problem. I had been dating my bf of 6 months and I met this amazingly hot and sweet guy. He seemed perfect and there was something about him that I really, REALLY liked. He seemed so different from my bf and he actually took me out and hung out with me while my bf was off being a dumbass. In the end I broke up with my bf for other reasons that had nothing to do with the other guy. But the other guy totally changed after I became single again. And things never worked out the way I thought they would. Its a true statement: People like what they can't have. If you haven't noticed alot of guys will go after girls that are taken already because its a challenge. They have a guy, and it seems impossible for them to get the girl, but if they can they act like it's some sort of accomplishment. So trust me... stay with your bf. I'm not sure how long you have been with him, how much you like him, or any other important factors. I suggest you make a pro and con list of the two guys. That can really help. Another thing to consider: Is there any hidden issues that you secretly have against your bf? Are there some things he has done since you two have been dating that might make you try and run to this other guy? If there is then DON'T go to the other guy. Although my feelings for the other guy in my relationship were strong, it wasn't the reason why I broke up with my bf. I had some hidden major problems with him that couldn't be worked out in the end. So never EVER let another guy cause you and your bf to break up. Just go with the flow and stay with your bf. Don't take the chance of switching to another guy, cause that not only hurts you but it hurts your bf as well and it might be a HUGE mistake in the end, so why risk it? I hope my advice has helped you and remember its your choice, but just follow your heart and everything should work out for the best.
~Sherah

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well about 2 wks ago, i started dating a guy who is 19, ( im 16)lets call him... jeff. anyway, hes very sweet, and would give me the world if i wanted it. you could basically say hes my "prince charming" that i always dreamed of, well until a couple days ago. i met this guy from my friend...lets call him... andrew. ok so andrew, is also very sweet, and i've been talking to him on the phone lately, i refuse to see him, because i kind of do have feels for him, but im not sure if i want things to happen. and my friend told me that andrew likes me too. sooo.... the only reason im hesitating, is i really do like, jeff. but jeff gets pretty annoying at times, and hes... im not sure... he tends to make things, all about himself. and andrew wants to know what i think, everything. the weird thing is, i can talk to andrew about things i dont talk to my bf, jeff about. im not sure if i should move on, and go with andrew, or stay with jeff. another thing is, jeff's friend, is sick... (cancer)and hes really nice *(staying a friend, only think of him as that)* but, i know if i break things off with jeff, i'll regret it because of his friend, and i know i'll lose his friend if i do break things off. sooo what should i do?

Well this is a tough situation, but I think you should go with your heart. Get together with Andrew. If you have feelings for him and you feel like you can be more honest with him then you can with your own boyfriend, Jeff, then what are you waiting for? You may be afraid that breaking up with Jeff might screw things up with your friendship between you and his friend, but it shouldn't. If you break up with Jeff, make it clear to him that he hasn't done anything wrong to you, it's just that you don't feel that the relationship is going anywhere and that it just doesn't seem to be working. Make the break up sincere and I suggest waiting a few days before the break up and start cutting down on things. Stop talking to him as much, don't be as talkative, seem distant,... give him some clues so when the break up occurs he isn't so shocked by it. Then give him some time after the break up. Call him up after a week or so and casually ask how his friend is doing. Just because he is your ex boyfriend's friend doesn't mean you have to cut him out of your life and he can't be your friend anymore. You and his friend are still friends, and you have every right to be there for his friend through his sickness. And if you ex boyfriend has a problem with this than you tell him he is being selfish and only thinking of himself, because you helping his friend and being there for his friend has nothing to do with him. His friend needs you guys to help him through his sickness. And I'm pretty sure your ex will understand that. But if you decide to end it with your current bf and get with Andrew never, EVER mention that there is another guy you are wanting to get with. This will only make Jeff mad and he will feel upset by the whole ordeal and then this could cause problems with you staying friends with his friend. I hope my advice helps. Good luck! ~Sherah

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