AskJR's

advice column

about

I'm psychic and a sociologist, and combined with the many different professions I've had, husbands, friends and family, and my share of bad neighbors too, gives me the knowledge and experience to cast new light on many old problems that we all face. Ask questions about anything you want and need answers to: Boyfriend or husband, school, sex, decorating, careers and career changes, family and friends, pets, diets and health and illnesses, finances, moving and relocating, divorce or marriage, and the nosey problem neighbor. -- Ask JR

advice

what if your ex is late with the alimony but you don't want to get him angry at you?

Well, this is a good one-- but why care if he gets "mad" at you when the court ordered alimony payments and your own personal bills and responsibilities rely on that?

If you are on good terms then ask him for the alimony that he's suppose to pay BECAUSE you have debts and responsibilities to take care of.

You have every right to that money and to take him to court for past due alimony. Remind him.

He is your "ex" and you shouldn't care if he "gets mad" at what he was "ordered" to do.

Take up for yourself.

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what to do if you are not gay but your bestfriend turns you on when she moans on the and say i love you all the time to you, is she gay or do we both have feelings for each other?

You might not be gay but a bi-sexual and just discovering that.

I would talk to her and just ask her about the signals she is sending.

You say you are "best friends" so best friends can talk candidly to one another.

If she is sending the same "turn on" feelings...then the next step is up to you both.

But be honest, talk to her and ask. Whatcha got to loose and whatcha got to gain?

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Hi, so I'm a high school girl and there's this guy I really like and think he's like the sweetest guy ever and is really gorgeous, but he's like 2 0r 3 years younger than me (I just turned 18 and he's 15 or 16). Many ppl would normally be like "eeeww that's weird" (and I usually would never consider a younger guy either). But he's actually really mature, like more mature than most of the guys I know my age. Should I still take the chance with him because I like him so much or is it too wrong that he's so young?

Well, as far as age is concerned, I don't think that's a problem if you both like each other, and it's not weird.

I was married to a guy ten years younger than me.

The only "legal" problem I can forsee, not knowing the state you are in and age of legal consent for sexual relations-- you are of age to be charged with statutory rape for a minor since he's 15 or 16.

Research that and get the age of legal consent for your state before you cause trouble for yourself.

But age has nothing to do with love.

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female/13

I have a dandruff problem, I can never get all of the soap out of my hair! And there is a group of girls that gossip, I guess I can just call them a gossip group. And one of the girls a few weeks ago spread that I had lice!! I don't but people think that. I need help in getting rid of soap left in my hair. Like, just some ways some of you girls w/o dandruff do to keep it that way. Thx:)

First use a dandruff shampoo and most doctors recommend Selsun Blue truth be known.

Use that and rinse, rinse, rinse, rinse until you are sure there's no more shampoo.

Have you thought of lightening your hair some or frosting it to help conceal the problem?

If Selsun Blue doesn't work-- see a dermatologist for a prescription shampoo and maybe medications.

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14/f
okay the past few days i havent been eating. i mean i eat dinner..and thats it. i dont know i just dont want food there are many reasons behind it though.
- my mom wants the perfect skinny daughter
- my best friend was bulimic
- my ex told the new school i moved to that i cut
- ive been fighting with the world im a walking target to them

anyways ive tryed to throw up lately , not really to lose weight more or less because i dont like the feeling of food in my stomache. im really stressed lately and i just dont want to eat. my friends are worried but i just dont want food. i cant throw up any tips on that?

uhm i dont know am i on the verdge of an eating disorder but i dont think so because its not that im forcing myself away from food, its just that it doesnt really appeal to me.

and dont tell me to just start eating. i dont want that i want to loose weight.

It's all in your head.

You've allowed these illusions of your mom wanting the perfect skinny daughter, coupled with a bulimic friend and ex's lies and pent up angers to stress you to the point of illness.

If you don't feel like eating-- don't. Eat when you are hungry.

But the first thing I would do is have a heart to heart with your mother about these things and thoughts and how you feel. You'll find out most of it is BS and imagined.

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I sent advicenators.com thousand questions about my love life and they all answer "talk to her"
So I did but not face to face.(because I couldn't do it) So I told her to chat with me online and so she did.
I told her how I felt about her more than a friend. (we been friends for almost 8 years) and she respond:
"I don’t know what gender I like. (Yet), male, female, I’m not looking 4 a relationship at the moment so I not looking at them like that."

I told her I was glad that she told me the truth and we went on chatting.

Questions are:

What did she mean?
Did you think she doesn’t want to go out with me not yet unlit she is ready?
Should I wait for her?

She answered. She is still discovering her identity and doesn't know if it's guys or girls or bi.

But the important thing is she said she wasn't ready for a relationship right now, and that means you or anyone else boy or girl.

She does not want to go out with you-- so let it go.

No don't wait-- do your own thing- what happens in the future happens and will when it's good and ready-- maybe with her maybe with someone else. Let it happen naturally in it's own time.

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It's 2:16 right now so I have 4 hours until I give this kid ive liked for the longest time a note.. explaining him something that emplys that I like him and then im ganna ask him something. Im ganna ask him if im just like Daniele.. which is a supa prep who he always comlains about and i wanna kno if he says the same things to her that he says to me about her.. and If he gives me the right answer Im ganna ask him if he wants to go out and see what he says..

I NEED SOMEONE TO TELL ME NOT TO DO THIS!

Ok nooo dont tell me that I just cant sleep because im worried and no ones up to tell me what a dumb idea this is so this is my last resort. I wanna do it really in the morning because i wont see him in the after noon and I dont kno if i should do this I mean im not the prettiest girl but I would do anything for him.. and I dont wanna keep waiting.. it isnt a movie where they have to keep it going, streching it its been done and i want this to come together so smothly.. but im thinking that this is a bad idea.. give me ur opinion please and fast

First of all giving him a note about how you feel is juvenile and immature. How old are you?

Talk to him. Ask him outright what you want to ask, get his answer and proceed from there.

Tell him you like him and give him an opportunity to respond. Maybe he likes you maybe he doesn't.

You can't make someone like you-- and if not-- move on.

A note is just a stupid and immature idea to express or ask someone a question.

Life is not black and white-- there are shades of gray inbetween and his answer might be a gray color. A note won't get that.

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13/f i get me and my best friends into everything. but mainly me and either joe or lisa i just try anything i can as in sports of camps or even hairstyles. i usually end up messing up or breaking something or some bone. i just have fun. i like trying new things anything new. lately lisa makes excuses when i ask if she wants to sign up for a sport or anything. i tell her she doesnt have to. but shed rather lie to me. shes not really my partner in crime anymore lol she doesnt do anything with me at all really. we do go to the mall thats pretty much all. she cries saying she has no friends. and that i never do anything with her.
too much drama. now i guess i have a new bestfriend and her to but im in a group of really close friends. my other bestfriend joe is a guy he will do anything with me hes been one of my bestfriends for years. lisa doesnt like him. she always tries to pick my friends i Hate when she does that! so i just go with who i want. am i wrong for doing that. she doesnt think guys and girls should be bestfriends or even in a group. she doesnt like my group of bestfriends all 8 of us are extremely close5 girls 3 guys and then theres her. she tries to pick my friends and she hates all my friends. i am not hers she doesnt own me. i do what i want when i want. im pretty much her only friend. i invite her to everything with my other friends but she just hates them. no wonder why she doesnt have friends she tries to pick for other people.
what do i do? is it bad i love to try anything i can? ive tried almost every sport or thing i may not be the best but i have the most fun. am i too extreme? whats wrong with me? how do i get her to stop lieing to me? is she a best friend? why does she try to pick my friends? i ignore it and be friends with whoever i want. can guys and girls be bestfriends in a group or just one and one? how do i help her? anything else pleaseeee.

First of all, Lisa is an competitive person and that's why she's stop participating in sports with you, so accept that about her and find another partner in crime as you called it. People are different and no one is the same.

As far as her being the one that doesn't like all your friends in your group and being the odd one out-- so be it. Continue your group friendships no matter what.

Talk to her. Tell her about your observations of why she has no friends and not giving the group a chance to all be friends and join in and have fun.
Tell her the truth and set it free.

She can either accept your observational truth and try to get along and change her ways, or go her own lonely road.

No one can have their cake and eat it too, so if she won't be cooperative with you and your group friends-- then so be it-- it was her choice.

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Ok I'm 13/f and I'm so angry of my eyes at the point I could have a heart attack!

My two eyes are different, not different colour but:
-one eye has a double eye lid, the other deosn't
-the one with the double eye lid's eyelash go up (that's normal you know liek when you wear mascara the eyelashes go up?) but the other one's go DOWN
-and one of them is slightly smaller than the other which I guess you would say doesn't matter (since noone pays attention to you that much)but when I have to take pictures with people and look straight people think I'm cross eyed or something cuz I give thsi stupid look with my eyes but actually they're two different sizes
- The one with double eyes lids look like a girl's eye but the other one is like a boy's eye (I could cover have my face and one side of my face I look like a girl and the other I look exactly liek a boy!)

Is there anything I can do about this other than surgery?

Let's play with smoke and mirrors first-- make-up.

For the eye that has lashes that go down-- use an eyelash curler on them. (hold and count to 30 and release) then use mascara on both eyes.

On the smaller eye, use a little bit lighter version of any eye shadow and try (see how it looks) using an eye liner (pencil or liquid) on top of lid by lashes to open the eye and raise it to the other eye's height.

Play with your eye make-up to test and see what evens them out and matches them best and use that combo.

I would talk to your parents about your concerns and how it makes you feel and ask them if they will take you to a plastic surgeon for options to fix your eyes. Your self-image and well-being is invaluable.

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Hey. I really like doing hair, and hopefully one day will become a cosmetologist. Well, I have never EVER colored any ones hair other than mine a few times. My boyfriend, unwillingly, offered his head of hair.

What are some websites that show what I can do..preferably easy with his hair?

He has really thick hair also, and it looks really awesome flat ironed. If I bought some chemical straightner, What would that do to his hair?

Probably burn his hair. They are very caustic and can burn his hair, frizz his hair, and cause it to fall out.

Just color the tips in a highlight fashion--but don't use a chemical straightener.

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if your best friend told you that they like you and they are the same sex as you. will you stay friends? or not? please explain.

if they ask you this question "why did you seem okay when i told you how i felt about you?" meaning when the best friend told you how they care and love you more than a friend, why didnt you responed to it. do you like me back or afriad to tell me you hated it when i told you?

this happen to me, i told my best friend that i like like her. she didnt responed to it but very surpized. this happen 3 years ago. now i cant stop thinking about the talk. why didnt she answer my question when i send her the note that read:"why did you seem alright when i told you how i felt?"
i was expecting for her to not talk to me or not be my friend, and stop being close too. but till now till this day she is still my friend and we are close too. (but not in that way)

Well after 3 years of still being your friend, she is dealing with the issue but rather have your friendship than loose it. But obvisously she does not feel the same about you as you do her.

Accept the friendship, be thankful and move on to another romantic opportunity.

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I have been dating this guy for over a year. I have 2 girls and we all moved in with him. We have a great relationship. He is in the Army and left for 14 months for training and as soon as school gets out me and the girls are going to move out of state to be with him. He has been nagging me to get my password for the bank acct. I told him as soon as he gives me his, I will give him mine. He blew up. He's the type to always be in control. There's alot more to the story but he said we are breaking up over a password. We love each other but..come on. Am I standing my ground and we may lose each other over something as stupid as a password?

The password issue is a symptom of a much worse scenario.

It's called "control."

He wants the control but is not willing to give of himself by allowing you any control in the relationship, let alone, your own life.

Break up-- it only gets worse.

Take it from someone that lived it for 15 years and knows how the control escalates.


JR

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This will sound very akward but I need answers...

If a guy's penis is rubbed against a girl's vagina, and the girl last had her period about a week and a half before that .. is there a chance that the girl might get pregnant if she's still a virgin?

Please don't give me websites and links and all that...I need serious help with this one.

:(

Dear, a girl can get pregnant without penetration by the sperm in the pre-semenal fluid, where a sperm swims and locates an egg.

Ovulation starts a week before a period and can start again a week after a period. Sometimes the released egg doesn't get washed out by the menustral period and is an easy target.

You can get pregnant in any given sexual situation involving nudity and contact.

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theres this girl kim who was my friend, and i made fun (joking) of her for talking on the phone alot and now she hasn't talked to me in 7 days even though i try and say hi. then also my other friends wont be mean her but they would chastise me if was giving them all the silent treatment. should I expect that my friends should also not talk to her because she wont talk to me? also what should i do to be friends with her again? thanks

You can't expect all your mutual friends to carry your cross for you by siding with you against her and giving her the silent treatment when they are not involved in this.

Grow up, and handle this yourself.

You don't make fun of friends for one, unless it's to them personally and they know you are being sarcastic. When you make fun of a friend to others behind that friend's back then it isn't making fun of them but talking sh*t about them.

Talk to your friend next chance you get and tell her you meant no harm and was just joking in a loving way about her talking on the phone alot, and thought it was cute that she enjoyed talking on the phone alot-- and even that she might be good at that kind of job, like a receptionist, telemarketer, etc. someday and it's a quality, not a liability.

Own up, apologize, and explain. Period.

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One of my eyes, the colored part seems more up and the other seems more down. They are supposed to be aligned. I dunno what happened. Can this be fixed?

As it was said, no one is symetrical.

See an opthomoligist to check it out for problems.

Does anyone else notice or are you just the one that notices the imperfection? We all have one leg longer than the other, one foot bigger than the other and one breast larger than the other and some people even have a hand or arm difference.

If your vision hasn't changed you are probably okay but I do recommend seeing a opthomologist to check to be sure you don't have a detached retina or other serious problem.

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ok well unfortunately I'm very paranoid of my skin...especially on my face. When i break out i pretty much have a fit. I can't help it. I'm okay with a few zits but lately i'm starting to get them under my nose [above my lip] and it's annoying. and i'm also starting to get zits in random spots on my face i've NEVER gotten pimples before in those areas... is it just because of my period? -i'm not on it but i'm going to soon.

also i have this darkish spot on the lower part of my cheek what is it??

and how do i make my skin smoother and i guess like more radiant [lol] and if anyone knows how to get they're not "Bags" but they're uhm hard to explain like it's a line that goes from the corner of my eye [by my nose] and goes out and it makes me always look tired/sick.
sorry it's so long.

here's the main questions:

how can i clear up zits under my nose?!
am i breaking out just because i'm on my period?
how do i get rid of that blackish spot on my face?
and any ideas on making the line under my eye dissapear? i get almost 8-9 hours of sleep every night and i need a quick way to get rid of it in the mornings.


for everything cheaper products; homemade stuff; diet stuff; anything will be appreciated!!

thanks!!

Best thing is see a dermatologist first.

There is medicine for zits and acne.

Food has alot to do with break outs-- fast foods, greasy foods, sodas, chocolate, etc.

Use a good skin cleanser for oily skin and use every morning and every night. There are special ointments for zits too to use.

Keep a calendar of your new regiment: diet, cleaning routine and products used, ointment used, etc. and see the pattern.

Yes, periods (usually before starting) when hormonal changes occur, breakouts happen but go away.

Do not pop them as they will scar.

I saw on special that to pop them correctly, wash the zit area and use two Q-tips to gently squeeze them and stop when it begins to show any blood. Wash again and use an astringent. This will prevent scarring and more infection from hands and finger nails.

Also, use a soap for oily skin or a glecerin soap (the clear soap).

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what does it really mean...
"minute man"

???

One of two things:

1) sexually-- a man that reaches a climax almost immediately and can not control it

-or-

2)Illegal Immigration Crisis in America-- Minuteman Civil Defense Corps licenses security laws congress president campaigns gangs terrorists border patrol ...

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Hey!
K so, I got a new babysitting job this weekend, and I havnt met the kids yet. All I know is that they are a three year old boy and a five year old girl. I have to babysit for about 6 hours, from 11 am to 5 pm. and I'm not sure if they are going to take a nap or not, but I need to try and find some things to do with them. Like I can take them out in the back yard and stuff, but six hours is a long time. Is there anything I can bring to get through the boring parts of the day? Oh, ps, it's supposed to rain, so I kinda doubt I will be able to take them outside for very long.
Thanks!

I would imagine the parents have children's videos to help you entertain them for an hour or so and there's kid's channels too.

A five year old girl is the easiest because she can tell you what she wants to do and play with dolls etc. It's the three year old boy that'll be the most difficult-- but he has toys and the videos and maybe books too so read him (them) a story.

Play a board game even if he can't follow rules well, let it slide and compliment him and encourage him and let him cheat to his understanding and explain to the five year old girl what you are doing and let her help you.

Just ask the parents what the kids like to do and ask the little girl too. Maybe make cookies if allowed, they both can get involved that.

Little girls like to "dress up" and put "make-up" on and maybe ask the parents if that's okay as long as you remove the "make-up" and the little boy might have fun watching that and want to dress up like a superman with a towel as a cape or twin sheet, etc. and who knows...the hours might pass by fast.

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There's this guy I really, and I mean REALLY like. We've been on and off since first grade, and now that we're in seventh grade he apparently only wants to be friends. He liked me at the beginning of the year, and we slow danced at my friend's party. We talk on the phone for hours, and even flirt. How do I reel him in again? I don't want to give up, because I have a feeling there could still be something there...

The good old fashioned way is make him jealous and date other guys for awhile.

Guys always want the girl they think they can't have.

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I have one.
I gained ten pounds, over the past couple of months. And being only 5'2. Most of that weight has found itself hanging around in my middle.
Don't get me wrong I kinda like it.
It's very doughy. Makes me look a lot rounder and softer.

But do some like a little extra jiggle?
(I know not all do, of course.)

just to give you an idea-
i2.photobucket.com/albums/y11/Zeilay/P4190336.jpg

i2.photobucket.com/albums/y11/Zeilay/P4190339.jpg

i2.photobucket.com/albums/y11/Zeilay/P4190346.jpg

It's not that bad, you're not fat.

Some boys like girls with "meat" on their bones and some like skinny, boney girls. And some guys like big and fat girls!

You'll obviously attract the guys that like meat on their bones. None of the other types.

If it doesn't bother you-- then you're personality hasn't changed from your self-imagine and you're cool.

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