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DO I GIVE UP ON US BECAUSE OF PRIDE?
I have been dating this guy for over a year. I have 2 girls and we all moved in with him. We have a great relationship. He is in the Army and left for 14 months for training and as soon as school gets out me and the girls are going to move out of state to be with him. He has been nagging me to get my password for the bank acct. I told him as soon as he gives me his, I will give him mine. He blew up. He's the type to always be in control. There's alot more to the story but he said we are breaking up over a password. We love each other but..come on. Am I standing my ground and we may lose each other over something as stupid as a password?
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You aren’t giving up and you are not breaking up over a password, no one actually breaks up over the little things no matter what the poets say. What is killing you are trust and control issues that have probably existed in your relationship for a long long time.
Deal with that, or you will loose each other, and you’ll likely be better off for it too. A year together is not the lifetime it feels like, there is still plenty of life left for you, with him or without him.
It doesn’t actually matter, but I do agree with you. If, in a relationship, finances are going to be joint, then they need to be joint. One party should never be in complete control. Healthy relationships exist between equals.
Maybe if you put your mind to it you can think of an acceptable compromise, a joint account you both pay into or some such, but if you don’t trust him with your money, then why would you trust him with your heart anyways?
I doubt you being just plain stubborn, so you better figure why you are worried and feel the need dig your heels in on this one. You have some serious problems here and they aren’t going to be solved by an exchange of banking passwords.
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The password issue is a symptom of a much worse scenario.
It's called "control."
He wants the control but is not willing to give of himself by allowing you any control in the relationship, let alone, your own life.
Break up-- it only gets worse.
Take it from someone that lived it for 15 years and knows how the control escalates.
JR
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Hi there,
By now I hope you are aware that men and women think differently from one another... very differently. This situation revolves around an advanced lesson in the differences between men and women.
Simply put, in his mind this is what happened:
Him: Please trust me?
You: NO WAY!
... that simple.
It has nothing to do with passwords and everything to do with trust.
The only reason you would not give him the password is if you do not trust him. I am serious... no matter what other reason you give yourself, it all comes down to trust.
My question to you is this: Do you have a reason to withhold your trust from him?
If so, you should be honest and tell him why you don't trust him.
Why tell him? Simple... this will happen again. Absolutely guaranteed.
If you are together with a man you can't, or won't, trust, it is time to ask yourself why you are with a man you can't trust.
If you are honest with yourself, maybe you will find that you do trust him, but for reasons of your past you aren't willing to trust anyone, and it has nothing to do with him specifically.
Remember, this isn't about passwords. If you let it be about passwords, you will only be dooming this relationship, and the next, and the next... because this WILL keep coming up.
I wish you the best.
DN.
P.S. Consider this: You trust him with your children, but not your money... When you put it like that, it seems insane doesn't it? Just a thought. :-)
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Hey,
Let him know it's not worth it...Maybe he thinks you don't trust him or something.
Think of a way to let him know that you do.
I lost the love of my life over a mobile phone charger...Nothing's worth the loss of a loved one.
Best of luck hon.
Kay.
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