I am lost in my relationship and its is killing me.
Question Posted Sunday May 18 2014, 4:08 am
Its been almost 3 years and they have had there good times and bad times but today i didnt talk to her because I didnt want to fight and when we spoke she kept fighting with me... I feel like dying because she is my life and i am so stressed out, what should I do?
[ Answer this question ] Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category? Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life? blueheart answered Friday May 23 2014, 9:01 pm: The best thing to can do is you need to do is you need to talk with her sincerely. You need to discuss on how to deal on your relationship and talk on how you should be able to cope up with your fights. Fighting with each other sometimes is good as long as you are still able to manage your relationship. Ask her what's the matter why she keeps on fighting with you. Perhaps there's something wrong that you did that's why she argue with you. There are a lot of factors why girls bring up arguments to their partners and one reason is probably she's jealous or there's something she doesn't like on your actions. Talk to her immediately and ask her what she likes and not. If she goes to higher voice, don't fight back just stay calm and hold your pride or else she might have an urge to break up with you which I don't want it to happen. So, if you can't talk to her, why not text her to meet at a resto for dinnerdate then discuss about great matters dealing to your relationship. Girls are really complicated and one example is your girlfriend. I hope you can settle your problem with her. [ blueheart's advice column | Ask blueheart A Question ]
RoxyK96 answered Tuesday May 20 2014, 8:36 am: Your best option here is to talk to her. Find a time when you both can just sit down and discuss everything that needs to be discussed. Tell her how you feel and that you don't want to continue to fight and that you want to try and find a way to fix it. If you never talk to her then she'll never know how you are feeling which will just make it worse in the long run. Hopefully I've helped xoxo if you have any other questions feel free to message me [ RoxyK96's advice column | Ask RoxyK96 A Question ]
GiddyGeezer answered Monday May 19 2014, 5:21 pm: . You didn't say if you live together or not(you could even be teenagers for all I know)so I am going to try to give you the best advice I can with the little bit of information I have. You need to step back from the situation and regain your bearings. From what you are describing here it sounds like you are really starting to lose it. You are so stressed out that you feel like dying(I really hope you were exaggerating)but if you mean that then you need to seek some counseling ASAP. If you really feel as if you might harm yourself either call a suicide hotline or go to the ER at the nearest hospital. This type of situation can escalate quickly and because of your present mental state you need to focus on what YOUR needs are right now. Even if you have to stay with a friend or some relatives you need to remove yourself from this situation until you can think clearly again. I understand that your feelings for your girlfriend are very deep and intense but the fact is, she can not be "your life". That is placing a very unfair burden on her. You are trying to say that your life depends upon her actions. You need to talk in depth with a counselor and try to understand that another person can never be responsible for your happiness or for your state of mind. Any time one person in a relationship loses themselves entirely in the other person that relationship is no longer healthy. It can become extremely toxic to both parties involved and sometimes end in tragedy. Please do not allow this to happen. You have to understand that you are each individuals in your own right. Even though you have a life with your partner you should also have hobbies and interests on your own outside of the relationship. If your relationship ended tomorrow you should be sad but not so devastated that you can not go on. Do you see the difference.Please,for now remove yourself from the situation and get some help. [ GiddyGeezer's advice column | Ask GiddyGeezer A Question ]
misspiggy answered Monday May 19 2014, 3:55 pm: Do not dump her just because you two fight.Maybe she has a reason why she is always angry. She may have been abused or hurt in the past. Ask her why she is always angry.
If she has gone through something difficult, try to be there for her. Tell her to take bubble baths and listen to happy music to calm down instead of starting fights with you. This might help to boost her mood. But, of course, tell her to avoid any songs that start with the letter "D" as these songs tend to be depressing.
alexus21 answered Monday May 19 2014, 1:35 pm: Sometimes it's hard to love, sometimes it's even harder to let go.. tell her what you feel inside. Tell her you're sorry (even if you think your right) tell her you just want to stop fighting . it's obvious that your love for her is stronger and more important than the fight. I hope you guys can work it out :) [ alexus21's advice column | Ask alexus21 A Question ]
DDiazella3 answered Monday May 19 2014, 8:04 am: First, take a deep breath and calm yourself down. You cant fix a problem until you get yourself out of that stressful headspace. Sit down in a quiet place and take 10 deep breaths and drink a full glass of water.
Then go to your partner and express your concerns. Tell her your worried about the way the relationship is going and want to get help. Ask her if she's willing to go to couples therapy and figure out whats going on. Tell her you love her and you want to make it work. Tell her you can't go on fighting like this.
mrsh answered Monday May 19 2014, 7:17 am: There is no way to solve your issues without talking to your partner
She needs to know how you feel and much as we might wish it at times our loved ones can't read minds
Wish you the best of luck [ mrsh's advice column | Ask mrsh A Question ]
pseudophun answered Monday May 19 2014, 5:47 am: You could see a couple's counselor. That can be quite helpful in isolating the problem and resolving it. It can also be helpful in isolating the problem and determining if the relationship is worth saving.
Relationships end. It's part of life. It's never easy... and yes, it could be worth saving, but you're going to have to proactively do something to try and save it before it crumbles into nothing. [ pseudophun's advice column | Ask pseudophun A Question ]
adviceman49 answered Monday May 19 2014, 4:32 am: Sometimes arguing is as a form of stress release or so some psychologists may say. Constant bickering and arguing I don't think can be good for a relationship.
What you two need to do is find out when and why you argue. When I say "when" I don't me where you are or the time of day so much as I do when you argue what proceeds the argument, what is it you are doing or attempting to do. Has one of you just come home from work and the other starts asking questions?
Example; I arrive home before my wife, I have time to relax. My wife comes in the door and the first question I have is, "what's for dinner." She has no interest in dinner at that time, she wants to relax, tell me about her day and basically de-stress. An argument usually erupted until we talked about it. Now I ask how her day went and we talk about other things before we discuss the evenings dinner plans. Result much less arguments.
This is what I mean by when. Is this example anything like when your arguments start? Two people in love can argue over the most ridiculous things simple because of the closeness of the relationship. If you love each other you need to find out what the root cause of these arguments are. You would be surprised how silly some of these things are and how simply the can be corrected. Sometimes it requires a disinterested third party such as a couples counselor to help you root out the root cause of your arguments and fix the problem.
Just remember that just as it takes two to Tango it takes two to argue. If she is the one who usually starts the arguments, then next time one starts take her in your arms hug her tight, kiss her and tell her everything is okay. You will be surprised how fast the argument goes out of her. Stress is a big cause of arguments and by giving her a big hug and a kiss, assuring her she is safe and loved can be a huge stress relief to her. [ adviceman49's advice column | Ask adviceman49 A Question ]
carreyanne answered Monday May 19 2014, 2:16 am: Feeling lost in a relationship can be very hard and stressful on someone, but you need to ask yourself is this relationship worth surviving and if so then you need to have a serious conversation with her, ask her why she wants to always fight with you? And if she wants the relationship to work. Once you know why she is acting like this whether you are doing something unintentionally or she just stressed whatever it is you will know what the next step is you also need to make her aware of how she is making you feel it is very important. But if you ask yourself if it isn't worth surviving then you need to make the next step of going your seperate ways.
Hope this helps and i hope it works out whatever you choose to do.
Carrey Anne x [ carreyanne's advice column | Ask carreyanne A Question ]
WithKissesKiera answered Monday May 19 2014, 12:06 am: You should sit her down and talk about what EXACTLY is the issue between you both that causes the fighting Write them down even whatever it takes to discuss this. After , try to find ways to NOT fight, not to disrespect & be rude an nasty to each other. Talk and communicate more and never never let each other go a day/days without talking that doesn't do anything but cause a bigger wedge between you too. Good luck & Please keep me posted !
With Love, Kiera xoxo [ WithKissesKiera's advice column | Ask WithKissesKiera A Question ]
Pook answered Sunday May 18 2014, 11:01 pm: It sounds like you are stuck in a rut of fighting with each other. Try a change of scenery - go and do something together that you don't normally do, get away from your usual surroundings and remember what it is that you love about each other. Try to bring the fun back :) [ Pook's advice column | Ask Pook A Question ]
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