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Scared to break-up with boyfriend.
I need to break up with my long-dist relationship boyfriend. We've been dating 7 months. There's no real reason to break up except..I sent him a pic that wasn't me. I know, I know. I'm too ashamed to tell him the truth, and I'm supposed to be 'visiting' him in a month. I need to end it, what do I say? I don't want to hurt his feelings, so nothing like 'I don't love you anymore' or whatever.
I was thinking of saying something along the lines of my dad disapproves, and I have to end it with you, or he'll kick me out or something. I know, just lying more. But seriously, I just want to get out of this now, it's my own fault and I know now to never do it again. Any help would be appreciated, thanks.
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Hi :) (thanks for the inbox question)
First off, it's okay. Sometimes, we try really hard to impress people. Whether it's lying about age, appearance, or personality. It's good that you're ashamed of lying to him, and you recognize that you were wrong.
Now, I know you want to break up with him. But before I give you advice on how to, are you sure you don't want to communicate with him? 7 months is a long time to get to know someone emotionally, that is, if you weren't pretending to be someone else as well. Perhaps if he is one of the good guys, he's already fallen a bit in love with the person you are on the inside, not out, which would cause him to feel attached. I can't say he could feel this way though, because you guys have never met in person. I'm sure you aren't as ugly as you make yourself seem by sending him a fake pic. If I were you, I'd apologize to him, let him know the situation, and tell !!!!HIM!!!! he has the option of getting to know the real way I look, or walk away without ever turning back. See? This way, you have a 50/50 chance of breaking up or starting all over. And if the break up does happen, you didn't stress about hurting his feelings with wrong words.
That would be the right way to initiate a break up (if he didn't want to stay), in my opinion. BUT, if you do want to stray away from those possibilities, you can definitely use that excuse you have. Technically, you don't have to explain anything to him. He isn't blood related to you, he isn't family, so if you disappear I doubt anything would trouble him. The way you want to break up instead of facing the situation seems as if you're the one who's not attached to him though...
Anywho, whichever path you choose to take, I wish you the best. I would advise you to talk to him though. Be honest! Once again, good luck!
-Uniq :)
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Since you plan to break up with him anyway, why not just tell him the truth? What do you have to lose?
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So if I've understood this ocrrectly, you've sent him a picture that wasn't you and now you want to break up with him because of that?
I'm going to be very blunt and say that makes no sense to me at all, or what exactly you did wrong.
Have you actually met this guy? How far away is he from you?
Actually, after reading over your question again, I'm just confused. Not trying to be mean or anything, but you haven't been clear as to what you did wrong to want to break up with him, esxcept for sending him the wrong picture, which makes me think that you've never met this guy before.
If you could provide me with a fuller explanation, I can't really help. I keep getting the feeling that you've left something out.
But, based on what you've sent me, I would suggest that you talk to him, and just break it to him gently, saying that you're not feeling that the realtionship is not going anywhere (which I assume is the truth) and that you would feel better if the two of you ended the 'relationship'.
Don't bother lying, because that will only make you feel worse. As long as you tell him the truth, I think it would turn out better. And don't make it overly complicated. Keep it simple and to the point.
OH, hang on........... am I correct in saying that you sent this guy a picture of you (supposedly)naked? If this is the case, then that makes more sense to me. Ok, if that is the case, then I would still suggest the same approach in the above paragrpahs, but also tell him that you weren't exactly truthful.
Sometimes lying is a good thing, to protect soembody from getting hurt, but lying for your own gain isn't. Tell him the truth and I think that you'll find it easier to say than lying directly in his face.
Sorry if I got completely the wrong end of the stick here, and of this layout, it's just how my mind works :)
If you have any more questions or would like to correct me, don't hesitate to ask another question.
Take care,
Triquetra
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Just tell him that you don't want to be with him anymore. Don't lie. But, I think he deserves to know the truth.
--Jack
(18/m)
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A lie on top of another lie? Sooner or later he's going to find out. I'm sort of confused by the situation; have you never met this guy before? because otherwise he'd have to know it wasn't you in the picture. If this was a purely online thing, it's highly likely that your parents WOULDN'T approve, so that'd be a legitamate reason.
If this is actually a guy you knew already, try to tell him it wasn't actually you and you're sorry for the deceitfullness. You could also tell him that things aren't working out between you anymore because of the disance (which seems to be true).
If I misinterpreted your question, please clarify in a new question. Good luck!
-LM
[18/f]
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Lying isn't a good way to do it, especially if the truth comes out in the end.
It isn't a crime to not want to be in a relationship, so tell him how you feel. Tell him you want to be single right now and that the long-distance thing is hard for you. You can be truthful and avoid majorly hurting his feelings. The sooner you do it the better or you will feel yourself getting deeper into this and making it harder on him. Since your long distance I think the most respectable way to do it is over the phone. No texts or emails, that shows that you don't care enough about him to call.
Good luck,
-Abby
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If you really like the guy, just tell him the truth. Send him a real picture of you, and apologize for lying. Obviously it was your insecurities that led you to send him a false picture. Tell him that and ask him to forgive you. Tell him everything else has been nothing but the truth, and it's still you.
If you really insist on ending the relationship though, you don't really have to give a reason. Tell him it isn't working out anymore, and to please never contact you again. Clean breaks are always the best and easiest way to go for both.
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awww, that sucks .. but if it helps, long distance rarely ever works out.. [i would know] so dont be so hard on yourself.
here are some things you can say..
- my parents are really obnoxious and strict and im not even allowed to be dating right now.. well they found out about you, and now im forbidden to ever see you. im so sorry, but i just cant be with you because my dad doesnt trust me and said he'd send me away if i didnt end this now. im really sorry, but i know youll find someone else.
- i was talking to my dad and he is against long distance relationships and told me that i had to break up with you if i wanted to stay in the house. i know hes overreacting, and im so so sorry, but youll find a great girl someday.
- listen, im so sorry, but this long distance thing is so hard for me. i cant see you because i know that it wont happen again for a long time. youre a great guy, but i have to end this now and youll meet someone else, im sure of it. im so sorry.
or you could somehow combine a bit of all of those together.. just play around with it. and NO REGRETS, just lessons learned. remember that :] and youll find someone else too, dont worry. good luck ! hope i helped, and if you need anything else, you know how to reach me :] xxo.
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Well as you already know or Im sure have realized, lying is not a good thing to do ever & can get you into bad situations, anyway. I don't think that you should lie to the kid again, I mean that I think is more cruel than telling him the truth about it. Are you sure you want to break up with him, if you aren't then maybe you could make a joke like oops I just realized I sent you a picture of my sister/cousin/other female realtive or friend instead of me, here is a pic of me. If you are sure you want to break up with him just tell him that you aren't sure what you want at his point in your life. Tell him you have a lot going on & want to focus on school or your job, or tell him that you feel like you need to figure out what you want & where you want your life to go from here & you feel like you just don't need to be in a relationship at this point. Let him know that it has nothing to do with him & that you think he is a sweet guy & you do care about him & have enjoyed these 7 months but feel as though being in a relationship with him isn't fair to him if you arent in it 100%.
I really hope you learned your lesson about lying & hope that my advice is helpful to you.
Let me know if there is anything else that I can help you with :)
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Hm,
I'll lay out a few help lines :)
"I was thinking about our relationship last night and I come to realize that my feelings aren't as strong as they used to be and I think it would be best it we went our separate ways"
"I've been giving our relationship a lot of thought lately and I don't think I can really be with someone who is so far away, I would really like to date someone closer this long distant relationship isn't going to work out"
Those are pretty straight forward, The original and classic way to do it would simply be "I don't think we are going to work out, The distance is getting to me" Or just tell him you need a break and cut off the contact.
Don't worry about what happened, Nothing I've never done before. lol ;)
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Oh man.
I don't think you should get yourself in a bigger web of lies by saying your dad disapproves. Tell him you can't do the long distance relationship any more and you'd rather stay friends. If you're at school or something, tell him you need to focus on that more.
Either way, he will be hurt because you're breaking up with him.
May I also add if I was in your position, I'd just tell the truth.. Is the only reason you want to break up with him because you lied? Do you actually like him and want to carry it on but feel too embarrassed? If so, telling the truth may help to salvage your relationship - after all, he's grown to love your personality, seeing as you've never actually met. That way, you would have done the right thing and there's a possibility of him forgiving you and carrying on as normal.
If you just aren't feeling the relationship any more though, then by all means, break up. Just be careful with getting your self caught up in too many lies. Keep it simple.
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well..since you both haven't seen each other in person who knows he actually looks like the person in the picture that he sent you? tell him that you feel that it's not working out with the distant and stuff and you can't keep going on like this. we haven't really met and how do i know that you don't have 2 other girlfriends at the same time? i'm sorry but i need some time to think. i'll chat with you later.. or something.. and sending a pic to a guy on the internet that's not you is smart. come straight out because beating around the bush will make you feel bad about it. hope i helped..good luck
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obviousely you've learned your lesson:
"My dad dissaproves"
"My parents want me to focus on my education and dont want me to be distracted"
"im a lesbian...i didnt know it at first...and i started this relationship to try and prove to myself i wasnt..but...these feelings...i cant hold them back...its...just how i feel?"
hope i helped :)
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