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Porn alert
I don't know what group to place it in, but it is mental I can tell you that. My boy friend was the best person you could have ever imagined. Even though he is only 14 [so am I, female] He was great. He has the potential to do anything he sets his mind to, music, school, great with kids & adults, wonderful. One of the ,main thing I was attracted to, was his childness-ish. He was funny, not in a dirty way either, didn't swear, proclaimed to be saved and was ever-so respectful.
After about a few months af dating I allowed french kissing and holding, sorta a low quality makeout.Then it grew and grew, now, we didn't get into sex or anything and stayed on top of clothes, but I noticed a difference in him, about two months ago.He has always told me how he feel about everything, absolutely EVERYTHING, I asked him what was wrong, hios reply was always something but he never got to the point. I started telling him that there was somthing he wasn't telling me, he would always say no, there wasn't.
After a long while of thinking, praying and asking God for guidance, I realised that we should never have started the whole "kissing process" so we could regenerate our relationship, the way it was before. At first he was scared, he'd say "What?I thought everything was fine, why shouldn't we?" and My answer would alaways be "It is wrong and I believe God would rather otherwise" Then there'd be a conflict, and those always hurt the heart.
Now he gave me his msn password and I thought "I don't have anything to hide or lose" so I gave him mine. He forgot that He gave me his password and the other days I checked it.Was I ever shocked, hurt, crushed, heart broken...It just hurt so much, I was crying outloud saying "no....no, he couldn't have done this to me..." He had "porn4free!", "sexsearch", "you have received a wink from...blahdiblahblah"
PAIN CRWLS IN, I...I COULDN'T BREATH, I FELT AS IF IT WAS ALL MY FAULT AND THAT I WAS BLIND TO NOT HAVE SEEN IT COMMING.
Later to find out, He called me [after I ave him my two cents on msn, really, it wasn't much] He denied it, telling me they were spams...right.I didn't believe him, he blamed it on his computer breaking, and It was right in front of my face...all of it, his name, his way of talking, even his special password was there... the girls... the pain was Unbearable :"( ... Everytime I gave him proof, he said sorry and agreed...and He kept telling me half truths, I got him to tell his parents and they have taken the computer away form him for a month.
What could I do to help him[he said it started about after we stopped the kissing process [which was two months ago]And I want to know What can I do, how should I react? What can HE do, It is 2:30 in the morning, I couldn't sleep, I was bawling my eyes out and dind't want to bother everyone else.So I came down, wanting to ask questions to people, including you people.
I'm afraid to go near him showing my arms now, and look at my body in disproval, why did God create man to be pigs and women to be their food?
Thank you, I hope this question doesn't comfuse you, I just nee help, please.
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Its not so surprising that he is doing this but I understand guys are shallow alot it sucks, I know. But you guys seem to be very close try to work things out.
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#1: You are overreacting. As others have mentioned, it would be pretty unusual for him to not be interested in seeing naked women. Guys are very visual, and it's just the way things are. Try to put a positive spin on this... Be glad you found out he is interested in naked women (instead of something like naked men), so you know he's a typical, healthy teenaged boy.
#2: From what I understand, you went further with him than you should have, and then felt guilty about it and stopped. There's nothing wrong with changing your mind if you feel that you are doing something wrong. But he may not understand.
You should tell him the truth... Not just that you believe God doesn't want you to, but that you made a mistake by doing it in the first place. Let him know it's your fault for doing something you felt you shouldn't have, and then apologize and ask his forgiveness! Not just for doing it in the first place, but for tempting him into it, too. If you believe it's wrong for you, then it's wrong for him, and if you tempted him into it, you need to apologize and ask his forgiveness for that. And don't forget to ask God's Forgiveness for that too.
#3: It's his life. If he chooses to do this, and you don't want to be with him because of it, you may choose to leave. But be aware, probably 95% of all normal guys out there like looking at naked women, and will do so given the opportunity. The internet presents plenty of opportunity. So chances are, any other boyfriend you get is probably looking at the same stuff... If he says he isn't, he's probably lying.
#4: "...why did God create man to be pigs and women to be their food?"
That statement is unfair and one-sided. I know plenty of women who treat men like "their food" by using them to get what they want, including money and material things.
If you truly feel that way about men, you will be doing your boyfriend a favor by breaking up with him. He doesn't need to be with somebody who thinks he is a "pig", and you obviously don't need to be with somebody you think is a "pig". But good luck finding a straight "non-pig" if your definition of a "pig" is a guy who likes to look at naked women.
Besides, who tempted Adam into eating The Fruit and got him kicked out of Paradise, and into this world of sin in the first place?
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okay he's a guy...i mean he's 14 what can you expect? he has like raging hormones a lot of guys do it actually i don't know one guy who hasn't lay off him... it 's not that big of deal you know? i mean you're upset yah but it's not like he was out there doing stuff with other girls god isn't gonna be mad at the whole male population because they look at porn is he? no..
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Alright, I'm going to ignore the fact that you mentioned God about 5 times in this and I'm going to tell you something.
He's a FOURTEEN YEAR OLD MALE. Guys are horny. They always are, they always will be. It doesn't matter if they are Christian, they are still horny. It is perfectly NORMAL for him to be looking at porn and for him to be masturbating (not that you mentioned that, but when he's watching that stuff, that's what he's doing).
Everyone is curious, males are curious, girls are curious.
There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with him looking at porn. nothing.
Let it go. It's fine. Just because he's looking at porn does not make him a bad person. He isn't going to try to get in your pants just because he watches porn.
Just let it go. Let him watch his porn. It will make him less stressed out.
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Alright i see why you`d be a bit upset ;; i mean i knew my boyfriend watched porn && i was a bit mad sometimes like especially if he told me somethin weird that happened in a porn.. But really whether he tells you he`s watching it or not he`ll most likely watch it anyways..Its not that hard to create a new email address && password..
He`s like any average 14 year old boy && this is VERY normal..I`d be worried if he didn`t watch porn or want sex at this age.. This is the age guys get urges to want to look at porn/masterbate..
I personally think you should let it go && forget about him having that in his email ;; you aren`t married && can`t control this boy in anyway even if you think makin him tell his parents about the porn..Garenteed he`ll be findin him some porn again..
Also i don`t think taking kissing away was very smart either..You gave him that and allowed that in your relationship with him you can`t do that to him for something he did for being NORMAL; He could easily take your whole relationship away && get kissing/whatever else somewhere else
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Well he is 14. I understand that you don't think its right, which i dont think it is either, but he is probably just curious about sex.
I would definitly tell him how you feel. Tell him you don't want to go out with him if he looks at porn
Thanks
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Forgive me for saying so, but I think you are the one with issues here. It would actually be ABNORMAL for adolescent males (and females, but that tends to come a little later on) to be curious about sex, and porn is the easiest way to discreetly gain access to that information. It is completely normal and does not mean that your boyfriend, or men in general, are pigs or show you any less respect as a woman. It's a developmental and educational process. Based on your desciptions of your feelings, I actually think you hold a little bit of a warped view of sexuality in general. Now there is nothing wrong with abstaining from all sexual activity for religious or personal reasons, I think that it fabulous, but sexuality is normal and healthy...not dirty, sinful, or something to be never discussed to educated about. Please consider this.
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it's fine that he looks at porn. he's 14 he's maturing. there's nothing really he can do about that. most guys use it if they don't get anything. it's not a bad thing. but at least he's not pushing you into having sex. that's the best part. hope I helped and tell me if you need anything<3
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OK.I was born to be in a Christian enviorment too.But thats one thing that you have to know that its VERY common and normal for a guy to look at porn and such.Hey my boyfriend does it, it doesnt bother me.If it started to affect our relationship and he looked at me different wishing I looked like those girls then there is a problem.
Thats wrong and you shouldn't control him like that.Its his life and hes free to do what he pleases the same as you are.Its not like hes cheating on you.So theres nothing to worry about.Your only 14 and I can tell you need to kind of break out of your shell and kind of learn waht lifes about.Not everyone is going to do the right thing and not everyone is going to do it the way of the bible.I know its sounds stupid but its something you have to deal with.
I think your overeracting on this whole thing.Its kind of a little too dramatic.Its honestly nothing bad unless hes completely obessed.And about the kissing.I dont seem any harm in it.Its another way of showing affection towards each other other than holding hands.Its completely harmless.
"I'm afraid to go near him showing my arms now, and look at my body in disproval..."
Lets take apart that.No hes not going to look at your body in disapoval.If he does then hes not the guy for you.If he loves you then he wont love you for just your body.Yes hes going to look at you a little different but in a good way.He can see now probably the beauty of the female body.Thats not a bad thing.Its the same as girls and how they get attracted to the male body.You have to get over the insecrety.
"why did God create man to be pigs and women to be their food?"
No,God DIDNT create man to be pigs.And no god DIDNT create women as their food.Yes there are some pretty perverted guys out there but you cant just blame the men.Women are like that too!You cant blame men for everything.But also at the same time women cant stand around and let men treat them that way.Both man and women have equal power in a relationship you just have to make it that way.It kind of ticks me off the way you say man are created to be pigs.Because I have a boyfriend and I love him very much.I have a dad and I love him very much and same with my brother.I think your not ready for a boyfriend if your going to call him a pig.I know im expressing my opinion but I know im intitled to it.You may not what I said.But all I can say is good luck =) Sorry if you found anything ofensive.
xoxoxo
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Since you've been raised in a christian environment, you might not know, but most guys do look at porn. I'm not saying it's right or normal, just that it happens. It has nothing to do with what he thinks of you- it's actually been proven that porn is addicting but men don't think of it as a replacement for or better than their partner.. If he can be away from it for a month that will probably help. Most computers have parental controls that you can set to block those kinds of sites- ask his parents to find out about it. He will not look down on you because you don't look like a porn star, you said he's been watching it for a while and hasn't looked down on you yet, so why would he now? Like i said, it's thought of as a seperate sort of world, highly addicting. Chances are he still loves you. Relationships are about compromise and you're both going to have to work through it but worse issues have been solved.
Remember, you DID NOT do anything wrong and it is not your fault, but that doesn't give you the right to look down on him either. He did not do it to hurt you.
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He's fourteen. This is normal. You're just overreascting a little. Since he told his parents, hes still a very open, honest person. He shouldn't have to tell you about every little thing he does. He did apologize, but you must remember that its' perfectly normal for teenage boys to look at porn.
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Well no offence, but it's not as big of a deal as you think. Most guys look at porn, it doesn't make him a bad person. It showed he really loves/likes you, HE TOLD HIS FREAKING PARENTS ABOUT IT!!!!That shows he was truly sorry. Sometimes when you start kissing your hormoines get all crazy and you want more. He knew he wouldn't be getting it from you and probably didnt want to ask you too. Kissing isn't that big of a deal either, just because you kiss doesn't mean your going against God in anyway. It's showing affection for your boyfriend, it's not like you were doing it to be dirty or show it off to other people. Talk to him, ask him why he looked at it. Forgive him, he wasn't trying to hurt you!! Yeah I know it hurts when you see that your boyfriend is looking at other woman naked and you get a little jelous too, but we all make mistakes. If you think he's worth all this trouble then forgive him and make him promise not to do it again. It's pretty normal for teenaged guys to do this. So don't worry, take a breather and talk to him!! Good Luck & I hope it works out!!!
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A lot of guys do that when they want to feel intimate. Each guy is different when viewing porn. They may want to feel the "lust" in sexual activities, or is just curious on such things.
Now I know how you feel, I had boyfriends like that. But it's OK. Tell your boyfriend that you love him and porn is never the answer to whatever relationshup or outside-relationship problems he is having.
God isn't trying to make your life bad or, give you a bad view on men. He was trying to test you in your relationship. God gives all people obstacles in life, and he wants you to overcome them. And he also asks for forgiveness in everyone, so try talking to him and try to work things out. Forgive him.
And keep praying for things to get better in your relationship. God is always there for you to change things around and make things better. And I'll pray for you as well.
I know it's hard to deal with what your boyfriend has done, but it was a mistake and he most likely won't do it again. Just have patience, trust, and faith in him. Let him know you are there for him. It will be ok.
Hope I helped =). Good luck on your relationship and God Bless.
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Most men go seeking for that because they want intimacy that they don't get from their partner,that it gives them pleasure like it's the best show ever,as you know it's usually the women that suffer for their bad actions,even though you too didn't have intimacy it doesn't mean he should be scooping around in other places to find that,your boyfriend needs to be spyed on,get taught good morals,I recommend he read the bible it will make him learn the wonderful things about life,other good things,it'll make him see things differently,and trust me it will help a lot, and also that he's got to learn how to earn things starting with his behavior.You just keep track of him,express your feelings to him,how much he means to you,and that you really want the same guy you met before.
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Ok you arent going to like my answer, but you are overreacting in my opinion. Actually Im not all that sure what it is that is causing you all the pain. No harm was done. Believe it or not his way of acting was perfectly normal for someone his age. Its natural at that time to be curious in this way. When I was young it was magazines... now its the internet.
Really, I could understand if you were a bit surprised or annoyed but not heartbroken and destroyed. I know you are not too fond of my answer already, but get a hold of yourself. Be open to the possibility that there are other ways to percieve the world than that you were brought up with.
Truly I would understand if there was talk of addiction like the answer below mentions. There is no such evidence here, only evidence of curiousity and of hormones.
Im truly sorry you are unhappy, but there is no need for it.
Edit: Exactly the reaction I expected. Why, I wonder, do you come asking for peoples opinions, when it is clear that you already know what you want to hear? Next time let people know that all you want is to be told how right you are...
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porn can be destructive. it can also be addicting actually. what i think you need to do is talk with him and ask him that if hes willing to give up on the porn thing, then you both can go on with your relationship. the thing is when people start doing something, they want more and more. that happened to you with the kissing. i dont think that you want to see where the porn could lead him.
ill be praying for you =D
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ok if the food was in a covered box,the pigs wouldnt be able to EAT it!Meaning that if you didnt do what you did,he wouldnt have changed this way.Its ok,stop crying.You need to get the old him back again.Tell him that you want the old him back again and that he has to change if you want your relationship to go on.But at least you learned a BIg lesson,not to go TOO far with guys.You should have stopped at holding hands or kissing.Its 2:30 now like you said.Write down a list of things youre going to change about yourself,starting from sunset.Tell him that you love him and that there are some things about him that he has to change and that you wrote it down for him on a paper and to change these things about him if he loves you.You can even let HIM give you a paper that says things you need to change.A brand new start,whats past is past you just need to change the future from turning worse.If you need more help my msn is mariyn_monroe_4_arabs@hotmail.com
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Every guy at some point discovers porn, and when they do they like to explore it until sometimes it becomes boring and they do it less and less.
He's only 14years old, he's just discoverd the wonderful world of porn, it's absolutely completely NORMAL!
Girls think "thats discusting", especially at your age, but boys at your age think the opposite.
Don't be angry at him or feel hurt, of course he's going to lie about it, any self respecing guy would, it's embarrassing.
You wont find a guy out there who doesnt or who hasnt looked at porn because it's so normal, so please dont take it personally.
Dont be afraid of showing your arms or whatever, because those porn stars are just a fantasy, they're not "real" people, most have hidiously over sized fake boobs, loads of plastic surgery and peroxide, guys like "real" girlfriends, the porn is just an exploration of what everyone, even girls, look into at some point.
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Goodness, the kid's 14. He isn't perfect. Teenage boys look at porn. Yeah probably 90 percent of them looked at it at least once. Heck my dad used to look at porn. I hate to see you when one of your boyfriends cheats on you and has sex with other girls. This guy seems like a wonderful boyfriend. None of the guys I know would admit they did it.
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he's a fourteen year old boy. it's perfectly acceptable for him to look at porn. [:
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