|
Rocky Friendship - Pregnant Friend
OK...
My friend has been seeing her boyfriend for just over a month now. For two weeks they didn't even hold hands, they were so shy, but all of a sudden they kissed in the cinema and suddenly they are 'so in love' and on the same day as they kissed, they went to third base.
Last week, they had sex (in the WOODS!) and my friend is pretty sure she is pregnant. However, she is sayign she is 'bored' of her boyfriend and wants to 'move on'. I'm sorry but this is so stupid!! You don't sleep with someone you're 'bored' of and never really liked in the first place!!
She also wants an abortion.
First of all, I am angry at her for the whole 'oh I'm bored with you let's shag!' thing. I am also REALLY angry with her about the abortion because I am really against abortion in about 90% of cases, this one included. She wants to kill her own baby because she thinks she'll get 'bored' with it too, and because she made a mistake. She is 'making up' for that mistake with murder.
Now, I'm her friend and I am SUPPOSED to stand by her whatever, but this puts me in a HUGE dilemma because I do not agree with what she's done and what she is planning to do (split up with her boyfriend, have an abortion, not ever tell him she got pregnant). I'm really really angry at her right now and I can't talk to her, but I know she really needs my support at a time like this. How can I push my anger aside, how can I ignore my own stance on abortion and help her?
I need to stand by her...she needs all the love and support she can get, even though she doesn't deserve it. I was very tempted to slap her and run off when I found out but I realised that it's not my place to forgive or condone or accept or hate what she is doing, just to be there for her.
Please help...how can I get over my anger and resentment at what she is doing and be there for her? And don't just say 'talk to her' - if you have to, help me out on what to say!
Thanks for any help and sorry for the length.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
You can be mad all you want. You can be suportive, but you shouldn't be. She shouldn't be allowed to kill her baby because she made a mistake, you're right. Tell her that you will be there, but not during the abortion because of your beliefs. Don't change your views because you are someone's friend. YOU should tell her boyfriend she is pregnant. He deserves to know. I mean, after only 4 weeks they had sex, it's her fault. I would tell her you don't support her at the moment, but you will help her get through it. Also, if she's under 18, she has to have parent permission to get the abortion, so, good luck. I hope this all works out.
]
First of all, be assured that you have a right to your anger. Mind, I'm supporting or going against you - I just want you to know, you have a right to your opinion. Secondly, I want to applaud you for being mature and decent enough to understand that your anger is not you. As for your problem, I would say - don't push your anger and resentment away. You're entitled to them, and you can discuss them, debate them, argue them etc. with your friend - LATER. Like you said, right now, she needs your love and support. (Notice I didn't include "understanding" in that list. You don't have to understand her - you just have to accept that she's done what she's done, for her own reasons.) If you love her, you'll stick by her, despite any personal resentments, (the key words are LOVE and FRIENDSHIP) but I suggest that after the ordeal is over, you two have a nice long talk. You'll need it. I wish you luck.
]
Tell her how you feel about abortion,and maybe even that she needs to be more responsible and stick through things ((ex: relationships)).
Ask her if she could talk with her ex/future ex about what has happened.
Ask her if she really thinks shes pregnate,get her to take a pregnancy test just in case. ((I recommend testing a few times over a two week span)).
If it turns out No,good...hope shes learned a lesson or moral?
If it turns out yes,tell her eveything you know about abortion.The bad and good((if theres such a thing)) things about it.Get her info.
Hope things turn out well,
~Long Lost <3
]
wow she sounds like a slut!thats a horrrible thing to do to someone...a guy has done it to me and just like left me in the cold and it fucking sucks! she might not be pregnant cause i thought i was...she might have a bladder infection type thing idk
]
You might be angry with your friend for the choices she's made, but she's still your friend nonetheless. It was probably not such a good idea to run off and have sex with someone she's only been dating for a week, but people make mistakes. Does she know for sure that she's pregnant? If not, she should take a home pregnancy test just to make sure. Just because you are against abortion doesn't mean that the option shouldn't be available to those that want that proceedure done. If she's made up her mind to end her pregnancy by means of abortion, it's her decison to make. Help her research the information about abortion so that she knows what will happen when she goes in to have one. You may not like the choice she's making by deciding to have an abortion, but at least make an attempt to support her by being a friend (not by supporting the abortion, but just by being a friend to her). I'm an avid Pro-Choice kind of person, so this might not be the best advice you've ever been given.
]
Wow thats a lot of writing DOn't let her get in
abortion ask her why she is being a killer tell her many people ARE KILLING to have a baby give it to a place i totally agree with you i am against abortion too! sorry thats all i got hoped it worked ( please :(rate high)
Ok. Sry but here's a little more. Well, first of all, you shouldn't be ashamed of telling her to not get an abortion because, if that makes her feel weird about it cuz you said something, then that gud cuz then she might change her mind. And if that makes her not want to hang wiht you as much, that could be ok cuz you don't need a bad influence, but you could still help her as much as you could. ok, if she doesn't want to be pregnant, than she shouldn't of had sex in the first place. If she just dosn't want a baby, it's her fault that she had sex so she is should have to go through wiht it and just give up her child for adoption. but whatever the case, abortion is not the answer. salso, it's not like she has had a sonagram or someth9ing so she doesn't know if for sure that she is pregnant. also, some babies die beofre they r born on their own. look up some books for her to read about symptims for being pregnant, is here smelling sence WAY better, is she enjoying thing that she used to hate a TON?... there r a lot. Well, hope that helps, and if you have ne more questions, always here.
Sry that this answer was a long one like the question.
]
You can still disagree with her (and let her know it) but you can also stand by her and be her friend. You need to still try and be her friend, even though your anger and feelings may tell you not too. What she did was wrong and if she has an abortion then it is just two wrongs. By being her friend you can maybe help her change out of this kind of behaviour and help her. Explain to her in the nicest way your opinion and tell her how frustrated and angry you are with her at it and tell her that she is your friend and you don't want anything bad to happen to her and you will be there. Hope this helps and I hope you have the best of luck talking to her and getting over your anger.
-Ryan
P.S. When I am really made at someone I pray and it helps everytime. Just something to consider.
]
Since you're adamantly against abortion, try gently suggesting to your friend that she take an alternate route, adoption. She can help a couple that cannot have children themselves. Also, if she does an open adoption, she can have contact with her child if and when she decides she wants to be a part of her child's life.
I disagree with your statement that your friend does not deserve your love and support. A true friendship means you're there for each other, no matter what happens and no matter what choice the other makes, even if you don't agree with it.
While I understand your feelings on abortion, ultimately the choice belongs to your friend. Even though you don't agree with her choice, she will need someone to be supportive of her. Your friendship will mean a lot to her if she does have an abortion. Many women regret having an abortion and wonder how their child might have turned out.
I would suggest your friend get counseling before making that choice to make sure that she's not going to have any long-lasting emotional effects from the abortion. Also if she still decides to go through with the abortion, make sure she goes to a licensed practitioner. She doesn't want to risk her life or her fertility by going to someone unqualified for the job.
I do think that you need to talk to your friend about this. Instead of just telling her that she shouldn't have an abortion because of your feelings, let her know of the possible medical and emotional effects of an abortion and let her know of the alternative of adoption.
]
i think you should pretend like it never happended when you are comforting her, now let me explain, you said you need to be with her at a time like this and i 100% agree. when you are comforting her dont bring anything up like how vould you sayd that) or something bc that will make her feel worse.
i think it was really wrong of her to sleep with himn and then be like oh im bored i hate you. so i would comfort her now, and then when shes feeling better talk to her and be like well its really worng to sleep with some one, get pregnant, then say 4 get you. just say something like that. if she is your friend, she will understand
<-- sorry so long
brunettecutie*
]
ok a wise person once told me that you can STRONGLY disagree with someone about what they think or what they have done..but you can still support them. you seem to have a good grasp on that. If you keep in mind that this is her life and shes the one making these mistakes..and how you know you would act differently if it was you, it might make you feel better,,but talkng to her is the key
what you tell her is that you strongly disagree with her..give her but you are her friend and you will be there for emotional support. tell her she needs to learn from this experience and make better choices in the future...at the same time let her know she can cry on your shoulder.
i know how you feel...you want to just slap her, yes i have had the feeling where i want to just slap a friend for a dumb choice and stuff..but its not my place..my friend knows where i stand..but she also knows she can talk to me about it and thats important.
well i hope something in here helped you out lol
-melissa- :)
]
0KAy..well first you should make sure your friend knos exactly what an abortion is, + second of all you should tell her that she is obviously not readii for a real relationship if she thinks that having sex, and then just saying oh im board is a reasonable thing to say..i mean i think you should talk to your friend + let her no what she got herself into.. 0kay
]
Why don't you say " It borthers me that you want to split with your boyfriend b/c your bored with him, your getting an abortion, and not even telling him. ", or something to that effect. But, it seems to me, that all you need to say is in this letter. With your anger and everything, just ask yourself what you would do in her situation. She's probablly scared to death, just like you would be. Also, try asking her "Why don't you consider adoption?" I know a lot of people who would adopt a kid right after she or he is born. Hope this helped. If this doesn't answer everything, email or IM me at historybuff4eva@aol.com
*~Alexia~*
]
i know you said dont say talk to her but i think you should, suggest that she takes a pregnancy test (she might not actually even be pregnant?!) and just be patient with her. you need to let her learn her own way. you should try your hardest to stand by her because she will no doubt need you at some point for comforting or just to talk to. try and put your feelings aside and just think about what she must be going through inside, because i bet she is really really regretting it all now and is just putting on a hard act to try and hide the fact that she really is upset. hope i helped
~*~Lucee~*~ xXx
]
Try and not think about yourself in this situation. Think about what she is going through and how hard it might be for her too. I still think maybe you should tell her your opinion too, because as a friend she should listen. If you're willing to push all your thoughts and needs aside for her the least she could do is listen? What's the harm in telling her you don't agree with the abortion. Maybe suggest adoption, I still don't agree with adoption, but atleast the baby would find a loving and caring home. You said it isn't your place to accept or forgive what she is doing, but it is your place as a friend to suggest.
As for talking to her about this. Like you said, just be there for her. Ask her how she's doing periodically. Ask if there's anything you can do. There's not much YOU can do right about now because it looks like she's confident in her decision, has made her mind up and is happy with it. All you can do as a friend is support her with everything she does. Sometimes it might go against your morals, but if suggesting didn't work then there's not much you can do but support.
Good luck and you seem like such an amazing friend by trying to push all your needs aside just for your friend.
]
its not ur place to but in here......... let her learn from her mistakes u need to learn to step aside some times
]
More Questions: |