|
Death
I was friends with this girl named Tina for a whole grade before we grew apart. REcently, her mother died from cancer, and whenever I saw her after that she acted like she was fine, so I always made sure to act cheery and bright around her, and to pretend as though it never happened. My other friends all tell me I'm heartless and pretending like it never happened to her is just going to make it worse. What do I do?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
if your friend says that she's ok then there's nothing you can do, you're friends who think that you're heartless are being more heartless because they are pitying her and you aren't. your friend doesn't need pity she needs someone who'll be there for her. just make sure that your friend knows that if she needs a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to then you'll be there for her
]
I think you're completely right.
The thing with people who are grieving is, if they want to talk about it, they will talk about it. If they want to be cheery and pretend it didn't happen, they will do that too. If you must, test the waters by lightly mentioning it. If she wanted someone to start the ball rolling for her, she will take the opportunity. If not.. then not.
Follow her example.
]
Well since her mom just died, I bet she feels pretty sad or depressed. She probably needs someone to just sort of be there for her since her mom's not. Just talk to her about if she will talk. Also just be really nice to her and understanding, and just stick by her side the whole time. I know this may be hard for you since she's probably depresseed and you're not really that great of friends right now, but I know she probably needs you. Oh yeah...and just pretending it didn't happen isn't really good i don't think.
Good Luck
I hope this helps
xoxoxo
]
tell her that you are sorry about her moms death and that you know how it feel to lose someone you love but if you need some one to talk to IM me at maytuff1
<3 sassygurl74 <3
]
It's a difficult balance. On the one hand, many people experiencing grief don't want to feel that everyone is pitying them and they can't just behave normally. She may just want to get through the day, and if you behave normally, that makes things considerably easier for her. However, there will also be times when this girl needs her friends for support, and if you are too 'normal', she may feel that you have forgotten or don't understand, and so feel unable to confide in you.
Be sensitive. Make it clear to Tina that you are there for her if she needs a shoulder to cry on or ever wants to talk, but otherwise, continue treating her normally. She'll be reassured that her friends do understand that what she's going through is incredibly difficult, but that they also respect that she doesn't want people to be treading around on tip-toes around her, so affraid of upsetting her that she can't return to normality.
Explain to your other friends that you aren't trying to be cold, you are just trying to help Tina get on with her life, which is what you think she currently needs. Once they realise that you have your best intention at heart, they should be more understanding. All the best.
]
Laugh at her. Seriously, if someone in your family dies, it's always good to be laughed at. Something like "Hahahahahahaha, your mom's dead!" usually works a treat.
]
Since she isn't the one saying it, and she talks to you, I think you are doing fine. If it comes up, express your condolences. :)
]
you should talk to your friend and ask her if shes ok!! and talk to your other friends and tell them wuts goin on
SAMANTHA
]
i have a friends whos mom recently died. but its different for everybody. both you and your friends are right. dont go out and say stuff about her mom dieing though, that will deffinetly make it worse. and everytiem your around her you cant act all sad and scared in a way, it will make her think about it too much. but you do need to be there for her, if she says somehting about it then you need to talk to her. be a friend. keep being cheerful, get her mind off of your mom, so she can have fun.
]
tell them that your not heartless just say that you don't want to talk about it and make her cry.
]
How could it make it worse? Her mother died and I'm sure by you being all "Oh my god Tina, I'm SO sorry about your mother! Is there anything I can do?" That's not going to make her feel any better. When my grandfather died I didn't want anyone to talk about it because I just wanted not to think about it because I was tired of crying about it. You can show other ways that you're sympathetic other than talking about the death of her mother. You can take her out shopping with you, having a good time, invite her for a sleepover and just have girl talk! Let her talk about it when <i>she's</i> ready. They're wrong saying that by pretending it never happened is making it worse. You don't have to PRETEND it never happened just try not to mention it because that's when they start to get more depressed. She's broken inside right now and having people feeling sorry for her is not something she'd want. Acting cheery and bright around her is a good thing to do. Whenever I'm not in a good mood or upset about something I love it when people aren't all "Oh god Em, what's wrong are you okay blah blah blah." I hate that. Anyway, you don't have to say anything to your other friends but let Tina know that you're always there for her and if she wants to talk about it she can. Leave it like that, then go off and have fun!
]
She is going through a really hard time right now. People react to problems in their lives differently. For her she needs to act like she's ok in order to deal with it. People being sad around her will only make her depressed let her deal with this in her own way. You being happy around her isn't being hearless it's being considerate of her feelings. I think the best thing you can do is what you have been doing. Just make sure she knows that you're there for her if she wants to talk.
Good luck and I hope things get better for your friend
]
that's bullshit.. you are doing the best thing.. the only thing you could do different is tell her that you know what happened and you feel for her and if she ever needs anything you're there.. otherwise you're doing great! :-D
</3 kenzi
]
in this situation both you and your friends are right. you dont need to act like nothing is wrong, but just let her know that even though yall arent as close as yall used to be, that you will still always be there for her if there is anything she needed.continue to act cheery tho! good luck and i hope i helped -jess
]
More Questions: |