Having lived through a lot of the experiences that people have questions about, it is a joy to share my hard-earned information with whomever can benefit. My 48 year old senses can detect what's up in a hurry.
Member Since: January 27, 2005
Answers: 17
Last Update: January 26, 2006
Visitors: 1050
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I've been in love with a man for the last 3 years. I've never felt such strong feelings for a guy in my life. I believe that he loves me too. The problem is that he's married. I've never crossed the line with him. We've never even kissed but have exchanged loving glances. He knows how I feel and that I've been suffering in silence. We have so much in common and have similiar values.
He has a very rocky marriage. Everyone knows he and his wife arent happy. They work together at a cafe and they fight like cats and dogs. They have nothing in common and I've heard that she has several addictions, including drugs and gambling. They have no kids together but she has two grown children from her first marriage. They don't respect my friend and steal from him. She is abusive to him and takes his money to gamble or spend on cigaretes.
He is a gentleman and a christian and would never ask me to have an affair. I've already told him I don't believe in extra marital affairs because my dad cheated on my mom. But he has never indicated that he wanted to leave her for me. He is very shy and reserved, and sometimes I think he's in denial of his feelings for me, or scared of his feelings for me.
I am young (mid 20's) and have lots of guys after me. But I don't want to date any one because I am in love with my married friend. I don't want to have an affair either. I feel a lot of guilt because after my dad cheated on my mom I vowed to never do what my dad did. What should I do? (link)
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I know at times the heart has a mind of it's own. In this situation, you need to wait, and love him from afar until he is free and available for you. If you don't, you will open a can of worms that will hurt you, and many people around you. Even if the wife is a witch, you will always be considered the reason for their break up. Force yourself to date others, and fill your life with distractions, hobbies, school, etc. You will be able to stand tall, and look yourself in the mirror. He has to handle his own problems without your interferance.
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I have a crush on this guy, actually it's more than a crush, I think I'm in love with him. We have been friends for 3 years, but I've always hoped we'd become more than friends. Well someone recently asked me what qualities about this man that I love attracted me to him. Then suddenly it dawned on me: He's exactly like my father!!! These are all the similarities:they both have dark hair and brown eyes, they both have really hairy chests, they are both very tight-wadded with there money, they are both workaholics, they both drink a lot of beer, they both are very flirtatious with woman, they are both humourous yet serious, they both have REALLY bad tempers, they both have been the boss of there own business, they both have been called an asshole behind there back, they both have been to court because of enemies made at work,they both are the oldest child, and they both have sex addictions (my dad cheated multiple times on my mom, and my crush admitted to me that he struggles with pornography.)
Well now that I've finally figured out why I'm so attracted to this man, it kind of grosses me out. Should I still have feelings for this man? Because in some perverted way it feels like I have feelings for my dad.
What should I do? (link)
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Just because someone is a turn-on for you, doesn't mean they are good FOR you. This guy sounds like a bundle of misery for you. Trust me, after a few years with this guy, you would be tired, resentful, and aging before your time. You need to ask yourself if you would set this guy up on a date with your best friend or a close female relative that you care deeply for. Be honest with your answer, and then think about investing your precious years in a low-life like him.
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The guy that I like is about 25 pounds overweight and isnt athetlic at all. I asked him if he wanted to play tennis with me because I have been taking lessons. The whole time we played he critized me, saying mean things like "your stamina is terrible", what kind of lessons have you been taking", and " I thought you would have been way better". He was really upsetting me so finally I said that I was still learning and to give me a break. The thing was that he was a lot worse than me, and I was trying to say nice things to encourage me.
A couple days later he told me that he thought I should lose 15 pounds. I am average, not fat. He is way more overweight than me and I have never said anything to him because I know it would just hurt him. My feelings were very hurt with all his negativity. Should I move on? (link)
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This guy is showing you what he is made of, and that he is not a grown up yet. Unless you enjoy this kind of treatment, move on. Our loved ones should make us feel better most of the time, not worse.
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HELP! Please! I have a problem...see, I don't get out of the house much. Well let's just say AT ALL! Ever! I have dropped out of school awhile ago, and no job but my mother supports me. I have no friends at all. I try to communicate with them but nobody ever seems to want to hang out with me. And I don't think it's because I've dropped out...I did it a LONG time ago and this is just starting to happen. I never get asked out on a date, and my friends never talk to me. I've basically just become a bum and all I do all day is sit around home on the computer watching tv. I hate it. I know it wont be like this for the rest of my life but can somebody please tell me if this is semi-normal?! I want to know that I'm not a freak of nature.
Our town is really small, and I don't get along with too many of them so socializing is really hard for me. What can I do to make myself feel better about this? Any tips on not being so shy also? Thanks so much! (link)
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Why did you drop out of school? If you can't go back to the school you dropped out of, then go to an alternative school, but please finish high school! You WILL regret it if you don't. You will feel better if you take this small step. Next get a part-time job doing SOMETHING productive. You might even think about volunteering at something you like. Maybe the hospital nearby needs volunteers, or the animal shelter. Another thing that changes your attitude in a hurry is exercise. Even if you go for a 5 minute walk, you will feel different afterwards. Do this everyday, and it may start something inside of you....a feeling of well-being that will kick-start you into going forward with your life. This life is not a dress rehearsal, and it is up to you to take the small steps everyday to make it better.
Good luck.................Maritia
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I am 16/f and my boyfriedn and I are planning to get married when I am 18, My bf is 21, but my mother said she wont except this marriage as i am too young and have to finish my education first. I dont want to hurt my mother as she is very upset. But i am absolutely in love with my bf and so is he. We are totally sure about this marriage. What should I do? (link)
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I've been married twice, so here's my take on marrying young........
If you marry before you both have an education, or EARNING POWER, you will struggle financially, and that is not very romantic, no matter how much you love each other. Being poor sucks, so ask yourself, how much does it cost to live in a decent area, have a car, buy food, pay utilities, furnish a home, etc. and then double or triple that, because that is what you will need to survive. If you marry, you have to consider yourself GROWN UPS, and that means no help from mom or dad to live. If this guy is good for a lifetime, then what's the hurry? Let your love stand the test of making it through your education.....it is the best wedding gift you can imagine!
Good luck...............Martita
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I'm a really shy, boring, ugly girl. Don't say I'm not ugly, believe me, I look awful - frizzy hair, horrid skin, big teeth - you'd be sick if you saw me. I don't have a life. I don't ever go out or have fun anymore because the friends I have are so immature and I don't really like going out with them because they always end up bullying me or asking random guys out for me, it's so embarrassing, and the boys say something like, "No way, she's a minger". I can't make more friends because I hate talking so much and I feel sick just thinking about it. I have 2 best ever friends in the world but I moved house and I can only speak to them on the phone, I want to move back because I hate it here - but my mum won't budge. I really want a boyfriend and I'm lonely but I'm so ugly and boring that no guy would ever be interested. Why is it I'm so ugly, what have I done to deserve this? I hate being me. I don't know what to do because I can't change the way I look and I've always been shy. I'm 14 and never had a bf, and I know I'm not the only one who hasn't but I feel ready. No boy would ever like me :/ I don't really see the point in life because I never have fun, every week is the same, and my grades are slowly going down at school because I can't sleep at night any more. I just want to feel loved.. sorry if that sounds pathetic but that's what I feel like. They say there's someone for everyone out there, but I guess some people were made to be single. I don't want to be single, and with Valentine's Day coming up I feel even more depressed. Also if you can help, I really need to 'let myself go', like I want to have fun but I get worried I'll look stupid so I don't do it, how can I stop being scared of everything Sorry I have so many stupid problems but please help :'( (link)
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Honey, at 14 you SHOULD be single, and not defining yourself by the attention of a boy. I know you're lonely, but here's what I did when I was 14, because I was fat, and no boy would look at me......I made friends through doing things I loved. I loved horses, so I'd save my allowance and rode on the weekends. I went to church, and joined the youth group. That led to weekend campouts, parties, etc., all without having a boyfriend. The Explorer scouts are for girls and boys, and have all kinds of interest groups. Make a list of things YOU LOVE TO DO, then find those groups in the phone book, or on line and connect yourself to the things you love. Meanwhile, ask your mom, or someone you trust, to take you to the dentist. The dermatologist can help with your skin, or call Mary Kay Cosmetics in the phone book, and ask for a free facial. I started using Mary Kay at your age, and it made a huge difference in my skin. They can show you how to put on make up too. Next, go to the local beauty college and see if they can give you suggestions on your hair. They might be able to straighten it for a fraction of what it would cost in the salon. If you can't do that, go to a local beauty supply , and explain you want to calm the friz in your hair. They might suggest using a perm, by combing the solution through your hair, letting it process, then rinsing. Follow that up with the neutralizer. Do this with an adult that can help you. This proceeder has helped many of my friends with curly, unruly hair. All this energy is going towards YOU, which should be the most important thing right now. You will be so busy finding out your passions in life, you won't care if boys are interested in you. Do this for now, and worry about boys later.....they are a lot of work, trust me.
Hope this helps..............Martita
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My girlfriend & I dated for 3 years and she was the love of my life. Well, I decided to take a job that I couldn't refuse in Michigan. I wanted her to move up there w/ me, but she said she couldn't leave her home in TX. The long-distance thing was too tough, so we mutually broke up on good terms. She then started dating someone new who she was "miserable" with. After over a year of staying in touch w/ her, I moved back home. A short time later, she ended up breaking up w/ the other guy b/c she wasn't happy. Well, we started slowly seeing each other again and things were great, but she wanted to "take things slow and not jump back into a relationship" since she just got out of a bad one. So, not trying to force her into a relationship, we just hung out and did everything that a normal 'boyfriend/girlfriend couple' would do. Well, after a few months of dating each other (and me thinking that we were gonna get back together), she met and started dating a new guy! I WAS CRUSHED!!! Here was a girl who was my best friend, someone I thought I was going to marry, & the love of my life........and now she wants to date this other guy out of the clear blue?!?!?! I was devistated. She's still together with this guy.
Now, it's months later. We still talk (fairly often) via email and sometimes on the phone (I NEVER call her...she only calls me), but I'm still not over her. I truly loved her w/ all of my heart. Part of me hates her for ripping my heart out and the other part of me still loves her very deeply and wants her back. Someone told me "if it's meant to be, then she'll come back to me one day". I just don't know what to do and I need help..... Any advice? (link)
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When your girlfriend said, "she didn't want to rush into anything," that really meant, I WANT TO USE YOU, WHILE I DATE OTHER PEOPLE, AND SEE IF THERE IS ANYTHING BETTER OUT THERE....It seems this whole relationship has accomodated her, and there's not much in it for you. She didn't mind stringing you along, then dumping you for what she really wanted. It sounds like she was never commited in the first place. I know you love this girl, but look at what she is capable of....breaking your heart. What a person does shows WHO THEY ARE. She has shown you that she doesn't care deeply for you, no matter what she says. You don't have to wait for your feelings to change for her in order to move away from this person who can and will hurt you again. You will probably love her all your life, but you don't have to be a hostage to your feelings. Make yourself be with people that really care about you. Write in a journal, talk to friends, slowly get rid of things that remind you of her. Promise yourself that next time you will only be with someone that you can trust, and will give you all the good things you deserve.....Martita
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I'm a 16 year old female in high school who likes a guy whos's also in high school. We've talked on the phone and spent a little time together. I thought things were going really well. He never really called me, I mostly called him. For the past 3 days I tried to call and he wouldn't pick up so I left a message telling him to call me back. He never called back and wouldn't pick up when I called from my phone but when I called from a different number he picked up. I asked him if he wanted me to leave me alone and he said no. What do I do? I really like him and I thought he liked me, but now I'm not so sure. What do I do? Do I leave him alone and try to forget about him or do I confront him? If so then what do I say? I'm desperate. please help me! (link)
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In your last sentence, you said, "I'm desperate.".....it appears that's how you are acting. If this guy wants to spend time with you, he knows how to find you. You don't need to chase him, and hunt him down. When you asked him if he wanted you to leave him alone, and he said no, he probably felt put on the spot with that question, and didn't want to hurt you, but his actions of avoiding you are speaking loud and clear. You can't make someone like you, or be interested in you. Back off, and invest in people who are genuinely motivated to spend time with you.
Martita
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Is it wrong to cry if your dog died and you've known her since you were a toddler? My friends would think it's silly, and when you think about it, it kind of is. Does anybody else think it's silly? (link)
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No, it is not wrong to cry over the death of a pet you loved.....they become a part of your family! I lost my dog last November due to heart disease, and I cried as though he was my child! Pets are friends to us, when no one else is there, or has time. They love us unconditionally, and carve a special place in our hearts. I think what you're feeling is normal.....
Martita
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Hi, I'm 14/f living in California if that helps.
Anyway, my parents are getting a divorce and it's been very difficult- my dad is a chronic liar (diagnosed by 3 doctors but refuses treatment). While married to my mom he had a girlfriend for 3 years. She got pregnant and had a baby boy and he mostly lived with his girlfriend and the baby for 1 year, then my mom finally decided to divorce him. The current arrangement we have is that my 12-year-old brother and I live at my mom's and see my dad every other sunday at 11:00. The problem is that my dad wants half of our house (he wants us to sell it even though he promised in march he would let us keep the house) and that he insists he and my mom have been seperated since 1998 when they have only been seperated since march 2004 (if he tells the truth he will have to pay more money). My mom has a great lawyer who's working very hard, but the court is kind of against us- my dad's friend Al is the bailiff.
Al is a nice guy, though my dad is not, and he and my dad used to be friends because they were both police officers in Oakland. One day as they were making an arrest there was a fire (no one is sure quite how). Al was trapped and my dad saved his life, but Al got some brain damage (I'm not sure how severe it is). Now Al owes my dad big-time so the court is biased against us, basically. Is there anything my mom can do about:
(A) The date of seperation (if needed my brother and I can attest to when they seperated)
(B) Him forcing her to sell the ohuse (not yet but he will and we will have to move far away, it costs a lot to live where we do)
(C) the court being biased?
If anyone knows any website or can help me, that would be great. Thanks in advance. (link)
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I'm not a lawyer, but since your dad abandoned all of you, it seems you would have grounds to ask that the house not be sold until the children are all 18 years old. This is what my ex and I did, and it worked out for both of us. He earned equity on the house, and I had an affordable house payment. It is important that you children have a safe and solid place to live while you are growing up. Have your mom tell her lawyer that if you are forced to sell the house, she will be forced to raise the child support to accomodate living somewhere else. Hope this helps.....sorry you're having to go through all of this.....
Martita
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well i weigh like 230 and im only 14 and i want to lose weight b4 high school cause of the formal plus i want to lose weight b4 my prom and prom is probably gonna b n may..well i need sum tips and stuff on how i can lose weight and how to eat right cause i have a eatn disorder to..i want to get over it..It Is driving me crazy. i want to get my belly button periced and stuff and wear a 2 peice during the summer and wear lil clothes not be fat (link)
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I have battled my weight all my life, and here is what works for me. I stay away from anything with starch (bread, pasta, rice, potatoes, chips,) or processed sugar(donuts,cakes,pies, cookies, ice cream).....now, I know that sounds boring, but you can eat all you want of meat, cheese, vegetables, nuts, diet coke, fruit. You can go to any restaurant and order off any menu. Even fast food places will make a hamburger without bread. If you will try this for a week, you will feel like a different person, and you won't be hungry. I'm convinced that junk food has additives in it that MAKE us crave more of it....kind of like a drug, that's why we over eat!
Eat all that you want, just remember, no bread or sugar. I even have pizza, but I just eat the cheese and topping, and I always have a salad to fill me up. When you give up bread and things that are baked, you aren't "bloated", and you feel satisfied. Try some of the sugar free puddings and jello, or make a shake in the blender with ice, fruit, and sweetner for dessert.
I have stayed the same size since high school, and I'm 48 now. I do blow it once in a while, but the next day I go right back to my method of eating. It's easy because I don't have to think about a "diet".
Hope this helps...............M
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here is the deal. I like this guy, and he used to like me, but he doesn't anymore. He said that things "just faded" for him. Now, he still talks to me just about the same way he ever did, he still acts sexual towards me and everything, and that just completely breaks my heart. I'm pretty sure he likes another girl, though I don't know her name. I still like this guy as much as I ever did. Talking to him still makes me giggly, he makes me want to run around in the rain and dance, he is still the person I wish I was falling asleep next to, and I dream about him all the time. We are really good friends now, but it is really hard. I feel like he only wants to talk to me when I am really happy, so I pretend that I am, and that is even harder. I feel like I am making the effort in our friendship, almost all of it, but don't want to tell him that, because that would let on that I'm nowhere near as happy as I am pretending to be. I miss this kid, and everything little thing about him.
what can I do to get over him? (link)
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If this guy told you "things just faded", YOU NEED TO BELIEVE HIM...! If he still acts sexual towards you, it is because he wants to keep the contact "just in case" he needs sex, and nothing else. He figures he told you the truth, and if you hang around anyway, whatever happens is ok.... in other words, I'LL USE YOU WITH NO STRINGS ATTACHED. It is ok that you still care for this person, and you may for a long time, but you don't have to wait for the feelings to go away before you take care of yourself, and that's what you need to do. Make yourself stay away from him, and let your heart heal. If you need to express your feelings, do it in a journal, or tell a friend, but HE is not worthy of your precious energy.
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I've been going out with this guy for 5 months and i love him and everything... but i think my ex is hot and sometimes i even dream about doing stuff with him (i've dreamed at least 4 times in the past month me and my ex either making out, or having sex) and i love talking to my ex even though i don't like him anymore and my boyfriend kind of gets mad when i talk to him.. but i don't want to end things with my boyfriend.. what should i do? (link)
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To be undecided is to be decided, and it's not fair to your current love that you're toying with your ex. You may not be over your ex, even if you know it can never work. Be alone for awhile, until you're ready to be emotionally available to a partner.
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hi, uhhh its kinda hard to talk about this but, I dont know what to tell my boifriend, I mean he asked me if I was a virgin or not n i keep aboiding the question, you see when I was 13 I was rapped, what should I tell my boifrien? should I lie or tell him the truth, do you think it will effect the relationship?
thanks so much (I rate well!!!) HaLeY
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You might say that for now that is a sensitive subject, and someday you might share that with him, but for now you'd rather reserve comment about your personal life.
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ok so I think I'm starting to like this guy! He's a really good guy who isnt into drugs or drinking or anything like that; i love it! AND i think he's beginning to like me too. Ya know how you can just kind of tell? Ok well the problem is he just broke up with his gf of 1 1/2 YEARS!!!!! I love that he can commit for that long and all but... well I hung out with her this weekend at a party and we got along really well. She's the sweetest person but shes tough and funny... if that makes any sense? Well I was talking to my other friend who is better friends with her than me, and she told me that the ex gf was still really protective of him or whatever. The Ex is going to beat up anyone who trys to get with him, even though she is all over every guy!! I know it sounds like their relationship might not be over but i think it is!
WHAT SHOULD I DO?!?! (link)
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I believe it is everyone's responsibility to clean up their life of drama, exes, or whatever before they offer themselves to someone else for a relationship.....you shouldn't have that job.
If he wants to be with you, tell him your concerns, and let him do the work of making himself healthy and emotionally available.
Martita
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okay i broke it up with my boyfriend and now he wont talk to me and i dont know why i really miss talking to him it kinda makes me mad sometimes like he is hiding some thing from me...i really dont know (link)
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When did you break up with him? If it just happened, he may need time to heal, especially if he really liked you. If you miss him, why did you break it off? Don't get angry....it is normal that he would avoid you for a while....you probably hurt his pride, and he doesn't want to face you now. Give him some space.....remember,
YOU decided this.
Martita
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okay i think i may like a guy...the bad thing is he is a freshman and im a junior i know i said this to my self a thousand of times that i would never date a freshman but he is really nice, sweet, cute and all of the above things that guys could be...i mean what should i do...im really confuzed on this one can any one help me... (link)
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In the big picture, the age difference over time is not that big of a deal, unless you're concerned with what OTHERS think. Follow your heart, and if this person can enrich your life, don't miss out on the opportunity.......
Good luck!! Martita
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