My friend told me that she is gay and I do not want to be friends with her anymore. It's not that I don't like her as a person but I cannot grasp the fact that she has become a lesbian. Just months ago she was dating men and now she is claiming homosexuality. I don't like it and the entire thing makes me uncomfortable. I'm trying to avoid her now more than ever since she has confessed her sexuality to me and I feel that I need to just tell her to her face why I no longer have interest in our friendship. How should I tell her? What should I say? I don't want to come off as cruel by saying, "You're a homosexual and that makes me too uncomfortable to continue a friendship with you," but at the same time I think it sounds most appropriate because it is the truth.
I know it isn't fair of me to not tell her why I have been avoiding contact with her. I know I should tell her but I'm not sure how I should go about this. I was thinking a neutral setting would be most appropriate but I don't want to embarrass her if she gets upset in some form.
Does anyone have experience with this or any ideas of how I should handle this matter? Thank you.
I think that's exactly what you should tell her because I mean, after all, that is why you don't want to be friends right?? She deserves to know that a person she considers a friend, really isn't friend material. I don't mean to sound like a bitch but, I don't think you are worthy of being her friend. If you pick friends based on whether they do everything the way you want, you're gonna end up being a lonely person. Just because you feel "uncomfortable" around her shouldn't mean that she can no longer be your friend......has she ever made a move on you?? My guess is no, probably because you're not her type>>so then why does it matter to you whether she's gay or not?
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19/female!
So i will admit, i don't get along with most girls. they just annoy the crap out of me! i do have like two good girl friends, and thats all! so i love hanging out with the guys all the time, their so real. the only problem is all they talk about is girls! their either talking about wanting to get with a girl, wanting to hang out with a girl or always texting girls! and sometimes when i'm with them they'll go meet up with girls and i'll just leave because i don't want to go! it's just annoying. does this happen to anyone else? i love hanging out with the guys, but i tend to get annoyed when all i hear about is girls! and i feel like i love hanging out with the guys because then i get all the attention, so when they start talking about another girls its a bit awkward.
I think that's the real problem...you just get a little jealous. I have always gotten along better with males rather than females too, and like you, I thought it was great being the center of attention. My deal with women is the fact that our gender can seriously be so PETTY and TWO-FACED!! Hangin with guys is a totally different experience, and for the most part a better one. LOL--I can't believe though that you didn't realize that by hanging with them you would be faced with the very things you say annoy you....they're guys-thst's what guys do!!!
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Im 16/f and my guy friend from middle school died on monday. His funeral is next monday and I want to go, I dont think my mom will let me because its a school day. What should I do?
I would explain to my parents that you knew this boy pretty well and that you would really like to be there--I wouldn't see why they would deny you that. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss--I can't even imagine what that feels like at your age. :(
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17/f, i feel like such a hypocrite. i always get mad when people judge people just by the way they look, act, dress, i'm very good at making friends & i am friends with every type of group in school.
however, in my english class, i sit in this corner, with these three girls who are very different (one girl pretends she is Australian, & pretends to have an Australian accent, and told everyone she has it just because she went there, over the summer..etc.) anyway, they all try to talk to me & they are nice & stuff, but i mean i don't have anything in common with them, & i just think every time i walk in there, oh great, those weird girls are going to bother me. & right after i think that, i feel so ashamed that i am judging people, i hardly know! & sometimes i just ignore them, & i feel so horrible after. how can i change my ways, with these people? i've never been like this before, i can't believe i act like this. :(
I'm not really sure that you're being hypocritical, I think it's just that, like you said, you don't have many things in common with them. Maybe too, the girl that is pretending to be someone she isn't is making you feel this way a little. It would me because I don't care to be around fake people. I wouldn't go on beating yourself up about this...just simply smile and say hello when you see them. Nothing says you have to become friends with everyone but being polite is always the best way to be.
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Why is it that I do better, socially, with people older than me? I'm 20 and almost all of my friends that I talk to are 30 and up. Some are even much older...like in their 60's and 70's. I'm not sure why but I feel like I relate better with them and have better conversations. My time spent with older people is more enjoyable than with those my own age. Is this normal?
In my opinion it's normal. I'm in my 40's and I get along really well with older and younger people but not my own age group. Were you a child that, when growing up, you were basically around older people all the time? That sometimes plays a part in it too, as well as just the plain simple fact that you might be more mature for your age. I bet that the people in their 60s & 70s find it very refreshing that a young person truly enjoys their company.
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ok me and my cusin and her friend and her friends little sister where about tew get jumped and you wouldnt want your little sister to get jumped so i ended up geting jumped for no reason but the good thing is i didnt have nothin wrong im just a little sore but then the girl with the little sister ran because she was tryna protect her little sister but my cusin ran and left me to get jumped and this is my second time bein with her and geting jumped so should i still be friends with her or ignore her please give me and answer and thank you those who do answer
I can understand he other girl with the little sister running off but not your cousin. Family is something you're suppose to be able to trust ,that they will have your back--she doesn't appear to be that person. You obviously can't dump her because she is family, but yes, I would definitely find other people to hang out with. I mean, seriously, what would she do if you were in a life-threatening situation.....run probably!!
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If you get married AFTER you have children, should you go on a honeymoon? My boyfriend and I are expecting now and are not married. He wants to get married after the baby is born. I think that sounds alright, but then we won't be able to have a proper honeymoon, right? We can't just leave the baby somewhere and if we take the baby with us then it won't be us "getting away" to be together. What do you think?
I think you should definitely have a honeymoon, especially if this will be the first marriage for both of you. It would be totally fine and acceptable for you to leave your child with either set of grandparents long enough for you two to get away a couple days (providing that the baby is at least a few months old). If you put it off and say "we'll just do it later on" it will never happen. This may be the only chance you ever get at having one because for the next 18yrs or so your top priority will be providing for your child and its needs. On the other hand--if it's not really of dire importance whether you have one or not, then don't worry about it because it's not something thats required.
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There's this kid I've been hanging out with recently and we really like each other. He's smart, funny, cute, the whole cliched package. :-p
Anyway, I'm a Christian. I believe in God and religion and spirituality have become increasingly important and comforting to me. I go to church just about every Sunday and I just really love it there.
Now, I'm not the type of person that will ever go around pushing my beliefs on someone. I'm a little sad that someone hasn't found God yet, but I'm not going to force my beliefs on them because it's not my place to tell them what to believe you know?
I found out that this potential boyfriend is an atheist. Like I said before, I don't care if he believes something different than me. But my problem with it is that he started telling me all the reasons why its "illogical" that God exists. He also went around to a few of my friends asking for concrete evidence that there is a God out there. And then calling our beliefs illogical and going to church as a sign of giving up your independence and free will.
This just bothers me because he is ripping into my faith and he doesn't understand it. Like, he's never been to church before, he's only heard how it is sometimes portrayed, so where does he come off saying I gave up my independence by going to church?
It's annoying because I really like him, but I'm not so sure I can put up with this part of him. And yes, you might say it's hypocritical of me, but don't because I am not judging him on the fact that he doesn't believe in God, I'm judging him on the fact that he tears everyone down and calls people stupid for believing in God. He's trying to get everyone to believe what HE believes.
~16/f
Honestly I think that if you do nothing right now ,like> officially making him your boyfriend ,that in a little while the feelings you have for him will go away. I say that because I think the more you learn about him and you see his behavior towards things you will grow to not care or want him so much. Personally, being a Christian myself, I couldn't give my heart to someone that didn't, at least to some degree, believe in God.
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I just broke up with my boyfriend on Sunday and through all the fighting and break-up and confusion there was this boy here at college to get me through the day. Even now he'll still text me almost everyday just to see how I'm doing. Just someone to check up on me and talk to. We met at orientation so I've known him for a while. Well after the break-up I developed a crush on this guy which hasn't surprised me at all. He reminds me so much of my best guy friend from home, and I'm physically attracted to him. We've hung out everyday since the break-up. Like from 7p-12am. He hangs out with my group of girls a lot and when we're in the group its just really casual conversation between us but then when we're in his room at night (with his roomate and everyone else who walks in and out of there) he's really sweet and flirty but he never really gets physical. Well sometimes he'll lean on me and other times he keeps his distance. Tonight we wrestled on his bed, obviously the most physical contact we've had so far. Yet I've only hugged him once.
I can't tell if he likes me or not. And if he does if he's waiting to make a move until he feels its long enough after the break up to do so. I'm not just going to kiss him unless I know he likes me. Because if he doesn't it would be incredibly awkward.
help!
To me it sounds like he does like you but he's just keeping his distance and not pushing the issue since you've just been through a recent breakup. The best thing for you to do is just talk to him, let him know how you feel, and then go from there. Good luck!
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Okay this is a bit complicated! I have always told my wife that I am open to a threesome with another man if it would make her happy. When we first got together she mentioned the idea, sort of playfully, and I took it as a serious thought of hers. I let her know that if things were going to be completely open between us then I would consider such things. I guess I didn't think she was truly serious.
Anyway, the last discussion about this sort of sexual fantasy was a month ago and she said, "No! Absolutely not!" and that she is married and only wants to be with me. To be honest, I was quite relieved. I have no sexual desire for me and I would prefer my wife to only be with me.
Well, about 3 days ago, completely out of the blue, she tells me she found another guy she wants to engage in sex with. The catch is that she wants to have sex with this guy alone and without me present. She said she doesn't even want me to watch. Apparently, she used to know him but did not like him in any romantic or sexual way. I feel like she may be hiding some past secret desire to be with him, sexually, and is afraid I will "freak out" if she opens up and tells me the truth.
After two days of talking with me about this other man, she tells me she is just curious and that just kissing the guy and not even having sex with him would cure that curiosity. So, now she's taken it down a large notch and says that she no longer desires to have sex with this other man but wants to kiss him?
I have noticed her talking on the phone to "friends" more often these past few days. She ends the conversation when I come into the room. She has also come home two hours late from work yesterday, which is something that has never happened before. I feel like she is distancing herself from me.
What should I do? I am not really comfortable with this but I feel like the whole situation is my fault. I shouldn't have told her I would be open to other sexual things, I know, but I really wanted her to be happy and satisfied in our marriage. I don't know to "take that back" without seeming like a prick.
Yes, I want her to be happy. No, I don't want her to kiss, make-out, hook-up, or have sex with another man. I made a huge mistake. How do I fix this? If she kisses the other man, I'm going to feel crushed, but I want her to be happy and satisfied with me in this marriage. Please, help me!
Wow--I have truly been exactly where you are right now ,only it was my husband and him wanting another chick to join us. This may be a little long but I'm gonna try to keep it as short as I can and yet still tell you how it ended up for me.
For months this is all he wanted to talk about, especially everytime we were getting ready to make love. I was so hurt to think that I wasn't everything he desired and wanted--it totally killed me to think that he wanted more. We had already done alot of other things to spice up our sex life, and some of those things I wasn't real comfortable with either but I wanted to make him happy. I just figured that if we did other things he would eventually forget about the threesome--well he didn't. Finally, after months of talking about it and a couple of times of him cheating I decided to go through with it. Partly because I figured if I did this then he wouldn't have a reason to cheat. Well, long story short, I picked the person and we set it up. It was the WORST decision I have ever made!! The "threesome" ,basically ,was just him going all fu----g ga-ga over her! I couldn't believe that he just totally ignored the fact that I was there too, naked ,and getting no attention!! Right in the middle of the whole thing I totally freaked out and made it all stop! Things were never the same with us after that and we eventually ended up getting a divorce. Now don't get me wrong, I'm far from being a "prude" when it comes to sex, but I truly believe that it is common and ok to wonder and fantasize about what something like that would be like, but to actually go through with it even though it's not something you want ,is the wrong thing to do. Your wifes present behavior is telling me that she's gonna eventually cheat on you--one way or another, providing she hasn't already done so!
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My boyfriend confessed to me today that he cheated on me last weekend when he went out with his buddies. He said that he had sex with a strange girl that he met at a club/bar and he regrets doing it now. I still think he's lying about a few of the details because one of his buddies told me that they didn't go to just any club or a bar--they went to a strip club.
I'm really upset about it but my boyfriend says he's truly sorry and that it won't happen again. My best friend reminded me of the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater," and I am wondering if it's true. I don't think my boyfriend fully understands what his mistake has done to our relationship, and I don't know if I will be able to get over this betrayal anyway.
In your own experience, is the, "Once a cheater, always a cheater," saying true? Does anyone have any cases in which the saying is NOT true? Please, share your experiences with me so I know if I need to just end this madness before it really gets started!
In my own personal experience it definitely is!! I had always been told the same exact thing but I kept telling everybody "my guy is different--he is truly sorry for it and would NEVER do it again". What a fool I was!! I was married to this man for 15yrs and he cheated 5 or 6 different times throughout it. Everytime it was the same--"I'm so sorry-it will never happen again" and so I believed him and took him back. I blame myself alot for it happening so many times because I just wasn't willing to believe that he was just that kind of person. To me it almost seems like my forgiving him and taking him back was, to him, like saying it was alright that he did this and that I would forgive him everytime. My advice would be to cut him loose, consider yourself lucky to have found out now what kind of person he is and move on. I know it's easier said then done but I'm afraid that if you don't you will eventually be cheated on again.
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I have been on and off with my husband for almost 9 years, we have been married for one of those 9. We have a child together, our own home, and a happy life for the most part. Recently, my husbands ex, of just a few months, has gotten in contact with me to tell me that he told her everything that he tells me now. That they were engaged and still together when him and I got back together this last time. I asked my husband about this but he swears up and down she is lying just to start problems. She told me he bought her a ring and everything, and that she broke it after she found out he was with me. My husband has been known to lie, but so has this girl. I am not really sure who to believe at this point. I am so hurt and confused.
Why does it really matter whether they were or not?? The important thing is that he obviously loves and cares for you deeply because you are now his wife! It just sounds to me like this other girl is jealous that it's not her that he picked. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of causing any trouble between the two of you---she just needs to be told to back off!!
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so, last summer i had job in a small cafe, and there was this guy who worked there too. we didn't see/talk much, but when we did, we used to smile a lot, and he's pretty hot. well, we go to the same school, and now me and my friends hang out at the place i used to work (he still works there), and whenevr we are there, he makes a big deal of coming to our table and asking us if we want anything. maybe im just reading too much into this, but i like him, and when we do talk, he's really nice, and very funny. i know we have a lot in common (tv, film, and especially music/ guitar) but how do i know if he just likes talking to me as a friend, or if he really does like me? and if he does, how to i get him to fianally ask me out, since he's fairly shy, but maybe he's just uncertain...? thanx in advance xxx
Why wait for him to ask you? If you really like this guy then there is nothing that says you can't make the first move! You will never know unless you take a chance, it could turn out to be one of the best decisions you make! Life is full of chances, opportunities, and risks....it's just up to each of us to decide which ones we take. Good luck!!
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i'm a 19 year old girl in a huge tug of war emotionally. my boyfriend and i are either going to stay together or break up over this. i have been in a relationship for 2 years and during this time i lost a friend over a petty lie. he lied to me about something stupid and now my boyfriend completely distrusts him although i now realize it was a petty lie that i no longer care about and i want to be friends with him again. i have known my friend for 15 years! however, my boyfriend says he cannot allow me to be friends with him again and pretty much said its me or him. should i pick the person that love with all every inch of my heart, or my friend who i've known for 15 years?
My experience in life has been that bf/gf come and go, but true friends remain a constant. The thing that concerns me the most with what you've said is that your bf is basically giving you an ultimatum and he has no right to do that. If you let ANYBODY determine who your friends will or won't be then you are basically giving them power to decide your life for you. I could understand if this friend had lied about something that would have been detremental to your life and relationship, but since it was something small and petty there's no reason you shouldn't forgive and renew your friendship. For your bf to be reacting the way he is seems to me that he may be somewhat of a controlling type. I'd really think about this before you agreed to his demands because it could be your friend today and maybe the next time it will be a family member he trys to get you to get rid of. Be cautious!!
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Hey. I am 17/f and he is 19/m. We have been dating for almost 3 years. He's a sophomore in college, and im a senior in high school. My entire life, all I've wanted to do is be an elementary teacher, and to be a mother and a wife. Im a nurturer. I cannot imagine a life without children and a family. I love cooking and i can deal with cleaning. Strangely, my dream is to be a housewife in a place somewhat south, such as North Carolina or something near there.. Although we haven't talked about it in-depth, only small hypothetical things, because i don't plan on marriage or children until i graduate college, my boyfriend, chris, has made it perfectly clear he does NOT want kids, nor marriage. He said he just wants to, "act like we're married, but not actually make it legal. Weddings are stupid and a waste of money." He wants to go into business and start his own company in upstate new york, or someplace cold because he likes cold and snow. I love him with all my heart. I don't really know what id do without him. He is the most important person in my life. I honestly don't know what to do. His little brother, who is now 9, irritates the hell out of him. Chris describes him as a spoiled brat who gets "instant gratification". While this is true, i believe that every child should have a chance to go through that stage. Chris said his little brother ruined kids for him and now he HATES kids. Now i need your advice. I dont want to put this harshly, but should i stay with him, or am i (i didn't know how else to put it!) wasting my time with him? I know at this point in time, there is no possibility of him wanting to have children. I asked him, what if i got pregnant by accident, and he said, "if you're not comfortable with abortion, that's fine. We would just put the child up for adoption." Should i try to convince him that children aren't that bad, or should i try to find someone else who shares the same ideals with me? Also, i dont know if ill be able to let Chris go. I love him so much, and hes pretty much my whole world, and i want to start a family with HIM. I don't know what to do or how to convince him. Please, help me? Thank you!
Honestly if I were you I really wouldn't dwell on this so much right now. You've stated that you aren't looking to get married or start a family until after you graduate college--right? You still have quite a bit of time to go until that time comes and in the meantime this could all very well take care of itsself. Time and circumstances change people and their outlook on things, so maybe by the time you're out of college he'll be ready. And who knows--maybe by that time you will have already found someone different too--you just never know! Just relax and enjoy what you have now with this guy!
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My boyfriend and I have been going out for 2 years and 3 months
In the beginning of September we both went to college. It has been really difficult because we have no way of seeing each other. We have been having a rough time and fighting but we have gone through a lot together and I think we both love each other very much.
We were supposed to both go home this weekend and hang out on Saturday night. I called him a few times on Sunday because he wasn't answering my texts or calls since Saturday around 4.
Finally on Sunday he texted me at 11:30 at night saying he's really sick throwing up and has a fever and stayed at college and that he was sorry and loves me.
I asked him when I could call him and he said soon. When I did call him, he didn't pick up.
I called him several times today and he still hasn't picked up.
This means I haven't talked to him on the phone in over 48 hours.
DO you think he's just sick or is ignoring my calls???
WHAT SHOULD I DO? please don't say college relationships don't work.
Well..he could possibly be sick but my guess is that he's spending his time with someone else. True that I don't know for sure but I'm a firm believer that actions speak louder than words! I wouldn't be telling you this if your relationship was only a few weeks or months old but since you've been together for 2yrs and there has been alot of fighting and rough times lately I would definitely say there's alot more to this then what he's saying.
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My 14 yr old stepson moved in with us in November 2007 due to safety issues by CPS. He had major anger issues and behavior problems.He has Aspergers Syndrome. I have asked him if he would want to visit his mom and siblings for spring break and he said no. My question is should I ask his mom to sign over full custody to us since we are still paying her child support and unfortunately she rarely calls him.
Atleast we would be able to live our lives and not have her tell my husband that she can pick him up at any time since she still has custody. He has changed dramatically and is doing a 100% better.
I would definitely seek the advice of an attorney on this. It seems to me that you and your husband have very good grounds for seeking full custody. That is awesome that the boy has made great improvements since moving in with you...it shows that whatever you're doing or have done for him is definitely what he needs. To send him back to live with her would most likely cause a relapse. Alot of lawyers will give you the first consultation with them free of charge so that's definitely what I would do! Kudos to you for being such a caring and wonderful step-parent!!
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When i was young i rememember being sexually child abused a multiple of times it was by friends of the family, it must have started from when i was 5 to i was about 8 i mind being held down by this one man.then his foster brother used to do it too, the man that held me down on table to rape me still talks to my parents and his foster brother was murdered 10years ago and i cryed with glee more than greif at his funeral im now 23 and its been in my head for years ive never spoken to now, im so sure my sister was abused too tho im afraid to mention it too her even tho we are close because if it didnt happen to her then i no she will go straight to him and bring everyting up again, i dont want to cause conflict in my family as there has been enough tho i wish to a speak about it to clear my head, i find it hard to get close too people because of this and have never lasted long in a relationship, although i now have a gorg little girl of 10 motnhs and i am very protective over her i dont let her out of my site, i dont wish to be a mother than can't let her child have freedom, tho in this life u can never trust people around a child.
I am going to speak to you as a person that has been through the exact same thing.....you need to talk to someone!! I was 28yrs old before I got up the courage to say anything and when I finally did I was accused of lying and making the whole thing up--by my own mother of all people! My abuser was my older step-brother and I guess it was just easier for her to believe I was making it up rather than to think it actually happened. After that one attempt I never spoke about it again...at least not to my family. I am now 45yrs old and I have attempted and failed at 3 marriages, which I feel is mainly due to the fact that I have never dealt with my inner pain and humiliation. I am now finally seeking help with these issues because I don't want to spend the rest of my life carrying all this around. Please take it from me...don't wait! You may think, like I did, that if I just didn't think about it or talk about it out loud that somehow it would all disappear....believe me it doesn't. As far as being very protective of your daughter I was exactly, and still am, that way with all 4 of my children (3 of which are grown adults now). In this world today you just don't know who you can or cannot trust. I wouldn't advise being any other way with your child. As she grows be honest with her about what happened to you and tell her that you will always be there for her to express her concerns and that you will believe her. That's what I have done with all my children and thank God they have grown up without being a victim of this abuse. If you can't afford a therapist find a pastor/preacher to confide in..that's what I did and it really helped lighten the load I've been carrying around for oh so many years. Please feel free to keep in touch with me if you ever want someone to talk to that knows what you've been through! Good luck to you!!
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I'm only 16 years old ,I as well have a 6 year old sister.
My mom is a drug attitic and was sober for 4 monthes after a 9 month relapse,which was the worst time of life for me.
Recently she began using again,she yells at me for NO reason,throws my stuff,tells me all this bad negative stuff and doesn't understand how much it hurts me .She usually goes in the middle of the night to get drugs and it wakes me up and I end up crying all night .She never cleans the house when shes on drugs and leaves it to me to do.She blames everything on me and just thinks everything is my fault and she promises all the time that shes done and she lies about it and covers it up with some story.I'm such a happy girl,I've never smoked and never done drugs and I don't need this negativity in my life.My father used to be a drug attitic as well but he doesn't yell at me or blame me ,he understands me...yet he just doesn't do anything.He lives with his mother now,so I can't turn to him.
She's gotten close to hurting me before ,but she hasn't...yet im scared.
She thinks that when shes on drugs,that she's no different from when she's not on them.Obviously thats false.I sometimes pack my stuff and stay at a friends house,but sometimes she threatens that If i dont come home,she won't give me money for things like food,clothes,etc. So I end up coming home,even though I just wanna stay out with my friends.
Please help!,im trapped and alone
I realize that even though your mother is a drug addict, you obviously love her very much, but having said that my advice to you is that you need to get you and your little sister out of that situation as soon as possible!! It's definitely not healthy and possibly not even safe for you two to be there. Do you have any family members you could go stay with? If not, then please find an adult that you trust and let them know your situation. Unfortunately sweetie you can't help your mother if shes not willing to help herself but you can prevent any harm coming to you or your little sister. Not to scare you ..but if you don't do something soon it might be too late. Not only that but eventually someone else will figure it out and then they will notify the authoritys and there may be a possibilty that you and your sister get seperated. Please keep in touch with me and let me know how you're doing and in the meantime I will pray that God keeps you and your sister safe. Good luck!!
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okay well lately ive been sleeping ALOT and i mean ALOT. ive been super cold where ever i go. ive been like super bipolar lately too like i started crying and in the middle i jus snapped out of it. ive been having numb feelings in my feet and rarely my legs what could this be. my friend keep saying that im pregnant but im on the shot, i know that not 100% effective but idk what could it be ?????? please help! p.s can go to the doctor til next month plus ive been having blury vision sometimes!
I'm not a doctor or anything but I had something very similar to the same symptoms you're having. My diagnosis was Anemia(low blood count--low iron). The numbness in your legs and feet are due to your body not producing enough blood to get the circulation to them that they need. You really need to go to the doctor because the only way to know for sure is having a complete blood count done. If it's not that I will be truly surprised because you have all the symptoms. Please don't put this off.. I did and ended up having to have a blood transfusion because my count was so low my body couldn't fix it on it's own. Good luck to you and if you think about it could you possibly drop me a line on my column and let me know what you find out??
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