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Boyfriend doesnt want marriage?
Hey. I am 17/f and he is 19/m. We have been dating for almost 3 years. He's a sophomore in college, and im a senior in high school. My entire life, all I've wanted to do is be an elementary teacher, and to be a mother and a wife. Im a nurturer. I cannot imagine a life without children and a family. I love cooking and i can deal with cleaning. Strangely, my dream is to be a housewife in a place somewhat south, such as North Carolina or something near there.. Although we haven't talked about it in-depth, only small hypothetical things, because i don't plan on marriage or children until i graduate college, my boyfriend, chris, has made it perfectly clear he does NOT want kids, nor marriage. He said he just wants to, "act like we're married, but not actually make it legal. Weddings are stupid and a waste of money." He wants to go into business and start his own company in upstate new york, or someplace cold because he likes cold and snow. I love him with all my heart. I don't really know what id do without him. He is the most important person in my life. I honestly don't know what to do. His little brother, who is now 9, irritates the hell out of him. Chris describes him as a spoiled brat who gets "instant gratification". While this is true, i believe that every child should have a chance to go through that stage. Chris said his little brother ruined kids for him and now he HATES kids. Now i need your advice. I dont want to put this harshly, but should i stay with him, or am i (i didn't know how else to put it!) wasting my time with him? I know at this point in time, there is no possibility of him wanting to have children. I asked him, what if i got pregnant by accident, and he said, "if you're not comfortable with abortion, that's fine. We would just put the child up for adoption." Should i try to convince him that children aren't that bad, or should i try to find someone else who shares the same ideals with me? Also, i dont know if ill be able to let Chris go. I love him so much, and hes pretty much my whole world, and i want to start a family with HIM. I don't know what to do or how to convince him. Please, help me? Thank you!
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Honestly if I were you I really wouldn't dwell on this so much right now. You've stated that you aren't looking to get married or start a family until after you graduate college--right? You still have quite a bit of time to go until that time comes and in the meantime this could all very well take care of itsself. Time and circumstances change people and their outlook on things, so maybe by the time you're out of college he'll be ready. And who knows--maybe by that time you will have already found someone different too--you just never know! Just relax and enjoy what you have now with this guy!
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It sounds like you haven't even told him how YOU feel yet. He needs to know. Instad of just randomly breaking up with him one day, talk to him about how you have different things in mind for the future, and see what his reaction is. I think that if your dream is to be a mother and a housewife, you should get it, and you shouldn't let him get in the way of that. Maybe you two can work things out. Every woman deserves a child.
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My opinion is this:
I dont think his brother has ruined anything for him i think he really does not want to have children for what ever reason being? I really do not know. I do know this, I think when we truly really fall in love we really do not see ourselves not happy with or our love instead we do see ourselves happy, and being married is one of them ...now im not saying dating for a long time isnt ok but what i am saying is that you see yourself having a career and gettirng married, having children...believe it or not that is being happy and that is ONE of the ultimate goals in a couples future. I do not think you are doing wrong. Here in Califonia it is against the law for an adult to have sex or be in a relationship with a minor however many do not know that if its within 3 years apart and depending on the offenders age and crime/act the punishment will be based and if the victim wants to press charges. an example is that a 15 year old gets with an 18 old if she is not willing to press charges and because of the age difference theres nothing law enforcement can do , however if a 15 year old and a 25 year old get involve then its a diffrent story...sorry i got sidetracked...I would be glad if id were you...why? well i can only give him one good point and that is...he is being honest which is a good thing for you...why?
You now know what you are dealing with. In other words you have the right to choose if this is something that you can work with. If you feel you have no doubt that his is the guy who you know will always be there for you that will have a different opinion but will never fight you then this guy is your future husband. However I always advice this: If you have problems before the marriage then expect those problems to roll over into the marriage..in other words you will not be able to ever convince him and thats his rights to want or not want, just as its your right to do the same. You can prevent a horrible future. If he does not love children or is open or even willing into considering a possibility of one day having a child with you. You can prevent that child from just having a ..excuse my language...sperm donor and not a Daddy,Friend,guide,counselor,and a teacher. You really can prevent your future child from suffering.
I can say this I do not think this guy loves you...at least not in the way you want to be loved..I cant understand why he would not want to love a piece of you in a form of another human being...its confusing if he says he loves you but will not love a part of you...wierd!
I dont think he will be Loyal.you can really see right now in plain clear view that this man yearns for you?, that he feels that he can live with you..rather than feeling that he cant live his life without you. Id rather be with someone that feels the same as i do...that i cant live my life without. also i can tell he is a stress hazard.
Now when you say he is your whole world then theres a bit of a problem there. I will always say to girls and even guys write down all of the bad things that you do NOT want in a girl/guy and make a list, hang that list on your wall in your car in your binder everywhere you go take that list and read it a everyday learn to teach yourself that this is what you do NOT want in your life...and avoid it. I know you might think of him as your world right know and its true and do you know why? ...because you have never seen that in this world there are so many diffrent options, there are woman out there with his mentality. Just like I know there is a man who is with all of the qualities that you would like to share your life with. I would not stay with "chris". One thing i would like to say and this might offend alot of folks but here it is...hard to believe but alot of problems can be avoided if from the begining love, respect and communication is used for a foundation, sex well it can ruin alot of relationships before it even begins, now im not saying youve had sex with him...but if you have i can understand why it will be very difficult for you to let go and might be because when you are having sex. to you its all of the three things i mentioned happening at the same time of your sexual pleasure which is a high to you and thats ok theres nothing wrong with that..thats your satisfaction...but his i think is just sex and the satisfaction of getting that pleasure...and that is all.
I hope this helps
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First, he could get in big trouble (jail) if an accident happens. You are a minor.
He knows he is your whole world and this is clearly making him very uncomfortable even though he's had feelings for you since he was a minor.
You are too young to be pegging him as "the one" - and vice versa.
He made a point to tell you that the thing he knows you dream for "marriage and children" should not include him in the picture. His, "let's just act like we're married" means "let's just have the sex"...because being married is all the things you envision. He wants just the sex, not the responsibility.
My advice would be to end the relationship now so you both can experience college without guilt or commitments neither of you are ready for. This is an unhealthy relationship for many reasons. He will not be there for you and has honestly told you so.
I would bet any money he and you will be married with children some day....probably not to each other unless you change course and become more self respectful.
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